Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with regrets

I was bound to let you go...

kathrineg — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 09:42:45 -0800

A soundtrack for the acceptance of interpersonal regrets, and/or lovely moments that are slipping past you? I am looking for anything in any genre that has this particular feel. Thank you!

How can I overcome my debilitating fear of regret?

Anonymous — Sat, 16 May 2009 20:48:54 -0800

I have to make a hard, life-altering decision that I've been debating on for a year. I am having a hard time doing so due to past issues that resulted from me not thinking through these things first. I have the option to pursue two things that are incredibly important to me. Let’s call them Path A and B.

Option 1 is an attempt at Path A. It does -not- guarantee it, and while Path B is still possible it will be a lot more work. I would still attempt it, though. It is also -much- more financially taxing than Option 2.

Option 2 is a guaranteed Path B, but Path A becomes so difficult that I would not even attempt it, and even if I did it would likely be a poor experience.

Doing one now and the other later is too complicated, and I would like to make the decision with the thought of "no going back," because otherwise those fears/what ifs will persist no matter what I choose.

I apologize for being vague. I need to make the decision on my own, and inviting other people’s views into it will likely make things worse.

I’ve been so torn over this that it’s causing me anxiety, sleeplessness, crying, nausea and other reactions that are starting to make me irritated with myself. It shouldn’t be this hard.

I made most of my decisions up until this point without thinking about the larger scope of things, and because of this I have many regrets. I’ve become so fearful of repeating the same mistakes that it’s paralyzing to me. I am so incredibly afraid of looking back in twenty years and going, “Damn, I should have chosen Option 1/Option 2.”

I believe that my fears are unfounded, because my past regrets are due to not being aware of how much my choices were setting me up for an, erm, unfortunate future. (Let’s just say I messed up a -lot-.) I’m an adaptable person and I know that if I consciously try to make the best of things, I should end up a happy person no matter where life takes me.

Yeah… that’s what the rational part of me thinks. But the emotional side of me is still going, “Oh no, what do I do, what if I choose the wrong thing?!”

How do I make a decision without all this anxiety behind it? How do I -not- worry so much about regrets and focus on making the best of whatever choice I make?

Measure Twice, Email Once

skammer — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 09:06:01 -0800

Is there a plugin or AppleScript for Apple Mail that would popup a simple dialog box that says "Are you sure you want to send this message?" I send far too many messages that I probably would have edited (or scrapped) with 2 seconds of reflection (drunk or otherwise.) Not to mention all the times an itchy trigger finger fires off a message while forgetting the attachment. (i.e. please help save me from myself.)

Did you feel good about chopping off all your hair?

fermion — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 11:56:12 -0800

Have you ever had long hair, then cut it short? How did you feel about it? I think a similar question has appeared here before, but I can't seem to track it down--and I think this one comes at it from a different angle, anyway.

For nearly a decade, I've had long hair, down past the small of my back. I've never dyed or heat-treated it, so it's undamaged and usually shiny. People compliment me on it frequently, and make distressed noises when I talk about cutting it ("oh, you can't, it's so pretty!") It's reasonably low-maintenance, requiring little more than washing, brushing, and a simple trim every few months (I've come to think of long-hair-in-a-ponytail as the Standard Unisex Geek Hair, adopted by most of my geek friends who don't want to have to think about hair products or finding a decent barber.)

However, I've come to feel it's time for a change. I've often thought of cutting it short: for a different look, a lighter head, a larger variety of haircut options, easier day-to-day care, the ability to experiment with different colors, the sheer invigorating effect of change. I've always shied away out of fear that I'll regret destroying my several years' investment. However, according to Daniel Gilbert's Stumbling On Happiness, my own hypotheses on how I'll respond to future situations are likely to be only marginally accurate. Gilbert cites studies showing that asking other people how they felt in a certain situation is a much more reliable way to predict how I myself will feel.

So: tell me about your experiences divesting yourself of all your lovely hair. Did you gradually go shorter and shorter, or did you cut it all off at once? Did you regret it? Did you feel liberated? Did you have mixed feelings? Did you enjoy it initially but come to feel differently later? Did the process of growing it out again drive you mad?

salvaging an old professional relationship ...or not

Anonymous — Thu, 24 Aug 2006 04:36:38 -0800

Does my flaky departure and subsequent lack of fame / distinction make corresponding a no-no with this former professional associate? A few years ago, I worked with a professor and a student group on a research project. My reliability and dedication apparently impressed the prof, and I was liked. However, once the project ended and a new one began, there was really no role for me to take. The prof said that if I could come up with an idea, they would work on it with me. Basically, I never came up with anything. The prof offered me a role on their project, but I wasn't proactive enough to find an area of it that needed my services. I stopped going, they stopped contacting me.

I've felt badly ever since, especially because I really admired this prof. I'd like to make contact now and maybe correspond from time to time, but I'm embarassed at how things ended. I'm also embarassed because I haven't achieved the fame / distinction of most of his other students. Many students wanted to work with him, and he picked me, and I feel like I "wasted" his efforts because I haven't gone on to become anything too distinguished.

So do I make contact anyway, or does my flaky departure and subsequent lack of fame make correspondence an etiquette no-no? If I do make contact, what do I say after all this time?

What do you wish you would have done with your young child?

crosten — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 08:21:03 -0800

Single dad with almost 4 yo son. For those with older children, looking back, what do you wish you would have done/started when your child was young. I'm thinking along the lines of "take more photos, buy life insurance, force them to learn an instrument, save $50/week for college, etc." Parenting regret anecdotes accepted!

You secretly hate me, don't you?

Anonymous — Thu, 08 Dec 2005 17:00:23 -0800

How do I get over my shame at not staying in touch? I was friends with a number of people in college. When I moved to New York after I graduated, a lot of them moved here too. But I'm not friends with any of them anymore, partially because I'm bad at staying in touch with people and partially (I think) because they didn't want to stay in touch anymore. I know the second is the case, because I ran into a few and--it was clear. This was all four or five years ago. I don't really know anyone from growing up, because we moved alot.

I have other friends now, people who I like alot. And I have an SO, and I am very busy, so it isn't that I'm lonely. Plus, I'm pretty different than I was then. But everytime I think of this situation, I feel like I am a bad person. And when I do make friends with people, I feel like I am just waiting for them to discover they really hate me. And I wonder whether I wasted what is the best time to make friends.

Other than this, things in my life are great. But it's driving me nuts. So what would you do, other than go to a therapist which isn't possible for lots of reasons.

Any regrets?

GernBlandston — Thu, 06 Oct 2005 09:58:01 -0800

This is an honest question to just those people who voted for Bush in the last election. If you didn't vote for Bush, please don't respond. I want to know if you still feel like you made the right decision. With all that's been happening lately, do you have regrets? Do you feel betrayed? Bonus points: What are your top 3 sources for news?