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how to deal with unsupportive friend after rape?

If it's important I'm a young woman. I don't want to talk about the rape or let this get derailed by suggestions of getting professional help. I'm seeing a counselor now and have dealt with the situation. But what's been eating away at me is a friend's reaction in the immediate aftermath. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 21, 2014 - 72 answers

Rape counselling in Bristol UK

Can anyone recommend a rape trauma counsellor/EMDR expert in Bristol UK? I was raped 25 years ago, so not a crisis, but following a recent brave question from someone else I realise I need to get help. M I am happy to pay and I'd like personal recommendations if anyone has any. Thank you
posted by anonymous on Feb 4, 2014 - 1 answer

Katie Roiphe quote

In her epic takedown of Katie Roiphe's The Morning After: Sex, Fear, and Feminism on Campus, Kathy Pollitt writes that Roiphe says that she was "'date-raped' many times and none the worse for it." The idea of whether rape must be associated with trauma to be recognized as rape is relevant to a paper I'm writing, and I'd like to refer to her actual quote. What is the quote, and what page is it on?
posted by quiet coyote on Feb 1, 2014 - 7 answers

Promiscuity should not be the answer.

I grew up in an implicitly sex-negative environment. More recently, I was raped. I had next to no sexual experience at the time and barely understood what was going on while it was happening. I had very little interest in sex in the months after that, but suddenly, I am now extremely preoccupied with the idea of sleeping with other 50 to 60-year old, educated white males. [more inside]
posted by gemutlichkeit on Jan 28, 2014 - 26 answers

Shying away from touch after past assault... how to move forward?

I'd like to try dating... if not for the flashbacks. Difficulty: poor college kid. Snowflakes inside, trigger warnings all the way down. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 14, 2013 - 18 answers

My friend is befriending a rapist. What do I do about it?

How do I advise my (male) friend whose social circle is intersecting with a rapist? Seeking resources as well as advice. [Trigger warning] [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 14, 2013 - 45 answers

Is my boyfriend gay?

My boyfriend was raped as a kid, and recently told me that he used to believe he was gay before he met me. I don't know how to handle this. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 13, 2013 - 25 answers

My LDR girlfriend was raped and I'm worrying about her safety.

How can my LDR girlfriend protect herself from the guy who raped her? [more inside]
posted by Dufay on Aug 12, 2013 - 26 answers

Should I file a police report?

A person I knew had sex with me when I was very drunk and I don't remember giving consent. But I'm reluctant to file a police report. [more inside]
posted by blue rare on Jul 26, 2013 - 45 answers

I'm not traumatized... Am I? (Sexual assault recovery)

I was sexually assaulted a few times and stalked/harrassed by an abusive, predatory and highly manipulative man who was in a position of trust to me. (We weren't in a relationship; he is nearly three times my age.) I am confused about where I should "be" or where I amin terms of getting over the events. Counselors and websites are quick to point out things like PTSD and rape trauma syndrome; they are suggesting things like EMDR and strongly hinting that I'm traumatized. I'm not convinced. Is it possible to actually be traumatized and not realize/recognize it? Is a "trauma response"... with panic attacks, flashbacks, and such... the only possible response to rape and harassment? Secondly: Is therapy always necessary to deal with this sort of thing? Or is it possible that I have/will get over it by myself? I don't want to pathologize myself. I don't want to create new problems for myself by going to therapy that I might not actually need. I wanted to ask metafilter because the counselors I speak to are obviously going to be somewhat biased in telling me that I am "traumatized". [more inside]
posted by gemutlichkeit on Jun 1, 2013 - 26 answers

My girlfriend was raped - how to help from another country?

My girlfriend was raped by a former coworker and friend. How would you recommend I offer support? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 5, 2013 - 7 answers

How to help a relative cope with past sexual assault?

My elderly mother in law recently confided in me that her now-deceased husband sexually assaulted her decades ago and it haunts her daily. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 19, 2013 - 10 answers

History of Rape

I'm interested in learning about rape in 19th century America for a fictional piece I'm writing. I'm not really sure where to start in researching this, but I'd be grateful for any resources or information. [more inside]
posted by Put the kettle on on Mar 8, 2013 - 8 answers

Rape isn't funny

Someone makes rape jokes at your workplace. If you could make them read and write an essay about an illuminating book on rape and sexual violence, what would that book be? [more inside]
posted by DisreputableDog on Jan 22, 2013 - 22 answers

Best books to heal from rape / sexual assault

I've been Googling and looking through different lists of recommended books (including some recommended by orgs like RAINN) about healing from sexual trauma, but I'm looking for 1 or 2 good books that are reasonably-priced. (Many of these books seem to be out of print and therefore expensive.) This is about an assault that happened to me as an adult, so books about child abuse are out. What I don't want: hokey, religious, new-age, preachy, textbooks, "workbooks" My ideal book would deal with many of the symptoms of Rape Trauma Syndrome, including having "body memories" of the assault. Hope this is descriptive enough.
posted by anonymous on Jan 20, 2013 - 5 answers

What was helpful for you about counseling for sexual assault?

Have you gone to therapy or counseling after a rape? What outcome were you looking for? Did it help? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 18, 2013 - 9 answers

Educate me on these crime statistics

The Wikipedia page on statistics about rape shows a very high crime rate for countries like UK, US and Australia in stark contrast to, say, India. The gap can't be explained simply by under-reporting, as that exists in all these countries (even assuming different rates of under-reporting). Is it because these countries have different definitions of rape? Or something else? [more inside]
posted by vidur on Jan 13, 2013 - 32 answers

Confused about potentially nonconsensual sex, how to deal?

Someone had sex with me even though I said "no" multiple times, but I was drunk and my memories of the event are completely foggy, especially the moment of penetration. This happened several months ago and I have been completely ignoring it, but in the past few days told my partner and now feel completely confused. What do I call this? Is this rape or a confused moment that turned nonconsensual by accident? Especially confused about how to interact and think about the other person involved. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 2, 2013 - 57 answers

How to Avoid Being a Victim

Women's self defense. I'm curious about things that can be done before you get to a point where you've got to physically defend yourself. In particular, I'd be interested in first hand experiences from women about how you avoid these situations and if you've ever had to fight someone off. [more inside]
posted by rambletamble on Nov 12, 2012 - 29 answers

All rape is rape, amirite?

My boyfriend made me incredibly angry with rape-related victim-blaming arguments of "people just shouldn't put themselves in risky situations" tonight. I can't make my point eloquently enough. Point me toward someone who can? [more inside]
posted by R a c h e l on Nov 10, 2012 - 62 answers

Why did she tell me she was raped?

The girl I've been dating for two months told me she was raped five years ago. What could be her motivation for telling me now? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 24, 2012 - 47 answers

Recovering from child sexual abuse online

I'm finally processing the reality of being a victim of online enticement by a child predator. Besides therapy, are there any good resources for helping deal with the shame? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 21, 2012 - 12 answers

How do I stop masturbating to violent images?

I am a woman who is deeply ashamed of what sexually excites me and need help or resources in learning to stop my porn/masturbation problem. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 22, 2012 - 24 answers

Abuse, anger; how far should I go to support my girlfriend?

My girlfriend has suffered a lot, and is very angry: she wants me to confront my housemate for his passivity to the abuse she endured. Should I? Long and complicated. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 6, 2012 - 52 answers

How to help a traumatized friend?

Help me help a friend dealing with trauma/mental health/addiction issues in Georgia. [more inside]
posted by dortmunder on Apr 30, 2012 - 3 answers

Looking for Canadian Adult Crisis Lines

I am looking for online only web chat crisis lines for adult Canadians. [more inside]
posted by kanata on Mar 7, 2012 - 4 answers

Sexual relationship with someone with a bad history

I'm dating a girl who has had a difficult past and who seems to be strangely absent during sex. Help me figure out how best to deal with this. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 6, 2012 - 6 answers

Cry for help, or weird spam?

What is the story behind the text "My brother raped me last night" that has been posted to hundreds of apparently random online forums recently? [more inside]
posted by msalt on Nov 16, 2011 - 10 answers

How to handle my brother being raped.

My brother was raped. What the hell do I do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 14, 2011 - 37 answers

Where do I find out more about the effects of the Pitcairn trials on the community, seven years on

If I want to find out more about the fallout from the Pitcairn rape trials, who should I contact? I have read the wikipedia entry on it, but I would ideally like to hear from people who were actually involved in the trial, or who are closely connected with the community, what the impact of it has been on the community. [more inside]
posted by lollusc on Sep 29, 2011 - 16 answers

If my rapist comes after me again, is there any legal weapon (other than a gun) that will stop him?

I was raped by someone I thought was a friend. I finally reported him to the cops, but I live alone in a city where i walk everywhere. He knows all of this, along with my daily habits. I don't want to change my lifestyle, but I need safety, especially at my apartment (which is where he raped me). Pepper spray (which I already have), tasers, stun guns--I've seen cops use these things on men of his size & it makes no difference. I feel like I have no choice but to get a gun. Please help me think of another option. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 31, 2011 - 74 answers

Physical sensations of a long ago assault?

Is it normal when processing an assault to get similar body sensations as the assault itself when journaling or contemplating it? [more inside]
posted by kanata on May 21, 2011 - 19 answers

Touchy subject is touchy

Novel research filter: Trying to find detailed information about sex therapy. [more inside]
posted by iarerach on Apr 8, 2011 - 2 answers

Recommend journal articles about rape.

Please recommend journal or magazine articles about rape. I'm looking for a select few especially worthwhile articles—insightful, written in plain language. Any aspects welcome, from legal analysis to personal stories. Substantial articles preferred (i.e., longer essays, not opinion columns).
posted by red clover on Mar 28, 2011 - 5 answers

Why did she tell me she was raped?

She told me she was raped. Why? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 3, 2011 - 26 answers

Life is hard.

Feeling empowered. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 25, 2010 - 19 answers

What can my friend do about an expat rapist in China?

My friend (American) is in Changsha, China, and will be for about a year. She found out that a male expat in the city recently raped a Chinese woman. What can she do? She really needs some China-specific advice. [more inside]
posted by mandanza on Oct 10, 2010 - 10 answers

Help me poke painful memories until they stop hurting

I was raped several months ago and did a remarkably good job at boxing everything up to think about at another time. It looks like it's ... that time. How do I go about processing things? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 14, 2010 - 25 answers

Help me to be of good help!

I'm about to begin volunteering at a shelter for battered women and their children. The shelter also operates a 24/7 crisis line for women who have suffered from abuse and violence, including sexual assault. What should I know before I start? How should I prepare? What was your experience like? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 9, 2010 - 21 answers

Friend sexually abused his girlfriends.

Found out a good friend sexually abused his girlfriends. Paralyzed. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 29, 2010 - 26 answers

How do I deal with careless ‘rape’ remarks?

How do I deal with careless ‘rape’ remarks? I am the original submitter of this anonymous AskMe post about disclosing my rape to an organization. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 18, 2010 - 59 answers

Should I tell him?

I was sexually assaulted a year ago, and I never told my long-distance boyfriend what happened. Am I morally obligated to talk to him about it? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 23, 2010 - 44 answers

What is the name of this really disturbing science fiction short story?

What is the name of this really disturbing science fiction short story? (potentially NSFW description) [more inside]
posted by brundlefly on Jun 25, 2010 - 14 answers

Whose state of residence governs statutory rape prosecutions?

Are statutory rape prosecutions based on the state of residence of the accused, the state of residence of the victim, or where the sex occurred? [more inside]
posted by Joe Beese on Jun 21, 2010 - 12 answers

Rape or cheating?

My girlfriend confided in my yesterday that she cheated on me with an exboyfriend almost exactly a year ago and kept it secret from me. This explains a lot of her overemotional behaviour and the tumult in our relationship over the past while, I think. But when she elaborated on the circumstances what happened sounded more like rape than anything. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 3, 2010 - 38 answers

When did it begin?

Before recent times (say, mid-20th century to the present), have there been other accusations, admissions, or convictions of Roman Catholic priests committing sexual abuse, molestation, and rape? [more inside]
posted by raztaj on Apr 5, 2010 - 25 answers

One unlucky couple.

I'm a woman, he's a man. We're in love. We were both sexually abused as children. I've overcome it, but he's still struggling. Can I help him? [NSFW] [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 3, 2010 - 6 answers

He's awesome and I need him, but he's also my boss...

What is acceptable for a mentor/mentee relationship? I feel like I'm taking mine too far... [more inside]
posted by semp on Feb 20, 2010 - 16 answers

What's going on?

Why am I relapsing on my healing from a previous sexual assault? [more inside]
posted by sickinthehead on Feb 5, 2010 - 19 answers

Lesbian assault help

My first lesbian experience quickly became assault. What do I do to take care of myself now? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 3, 2009 - 18 answers

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