111 posts tagged with rape.
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Does my Trump-voting father need to know about my past sexual assaults?

(CW: rape and sexual assault.) My dad admitted to voting for Trump at the Thanksgiving dinner table. I am devastated because not only did he fall victim to a charlatan, he supported a sexual predator for the highest office in the land. See, I have been sexually assaulted twice. I know I can't turn back time and his vote, but should I tell him about being raped to illustrate my dismay with his choice for President? If not, how do I get over this strange feeling of betrayal by my father? [more inside]
posted by princesspathos on Nov 26, 2016 - 14 answers

My parents forgot I was raped - really confused about how to proceed

So, in the wake of all the conversation about triggers/sexual assault happening in the USA right now, I shared an article about how this campaign has been demoralizing to survivors of sexual assault and briefly mentioned my own story (basically, I was sexually assaulted by an acquaintance. My parents responded to my post saying "WHY DID YOU NEVER TELL US?" The thing is, I did. 10 years ago. And 3 years ago. And I have no idea how to proceed. [more inside]
posted by socktothepuppet on Oct 25, 2016 - 29 answers

Online Sexual Assault Resources

What is a good online resource for my friend, who might have been raped? (triggers, yo) [more inside]
posted by j_curiouser on Sep 7, 2016 - 5 answers

How to I act at work after an emotional reaction to a rape discussion?

I had an unexpected emotional reaction to a rape PSA-type video in a meeting today and had to leave a room of about 50 people while trying (and mostly failing) to conceal how upset I was. I’m feeling both drained and embarrassed, and not a little nervous about going in to work tomorrow, and I wanted to get some perspective and advice about what to do next. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 18, 2016 - 20 answers

“Good” friends reopening old wounds

How do you deal with people you consider to be close, good friends hurting you? *Trigger warning* Rape [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 21, 2016 - 20 answers

two weeks = nine months, to lawyer up or no?

During recovery from complex PTSD, I am presented with the alternative to suffer in one of two different ways. Which do I choose? [more inside]
posted by The Noble Goofy Elk on Jun 14, 2016 - 15 answers

Advice on how to deal with failure? I lost my job due to depression.

I took a job in Mexico as an English teacher. Between dealing with culture shock and homesickness, moving away from my boyfriend, a major depressive episode, anxiety and panic, physical health issues, and experiencing an extreme trauma (was raped right before Christimas break)... well, suffice to say, it wasn't the best semester. I was just told that I will not be asked back next year. I was not planning on returning, but my self-esteem has taken a huge hit. How do I move forward after such an awful failure? [more inside]
posted by chocolatespaghetti on Mar 6, 2016 - 10 answers

Looking for metrics to compare gender/rape norms across settings

In what ways could I quantify differences in sexism/gender norms/rape culture across US states, cities, and/or universities using publicly-available data? [more inside]
posted by quiet coyote on Feb 21, 2016 - 7 answers

Sexual abuse recovery chaos

This is me. In the two weeks since writing that post, I've talked to my partner and have had my first session with a therapist who specializes in sexual assault. Right now I feel like I am going crazy. What's going on? [more inside]
posted by fair isle sock on Jan 5, 2016 - 17 answers

Was this sexual abuse or rape? Or what?

Please help me understand something bad that happened to me when I was a child. I hate talking about it but I feel like I need someone's thoughts on this. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 23, 2015 - 26 answers

Where can I read about this kind of dissociation?

Where can I read about dissociation in which the mind convinces someone that something was positive? I'm thinking about Hawkeye from the end of M*A*S*H* and the chicken as an example of what I mean. (trigger warning) [more inside]
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats on Nov 20, 2015 - 11 answers

Stories about Women who are Fighting Sexual Predators

Hey Brilliant People, happy Monday! I'm looking for film, tv, novel, play, etc. examples of women heros who are fighting against sexual predators especially ones who are doing it in secret? Like super heros! Can anyone think of a character like that? Thanks so much!
posted by sunnyblues48 on Sep 14, 2015 - 25 answers

Can/should I avoid visiting my hometown indefinitely?

About five years ago, shortly after my 21st birthday, I was drugged and sexually assaulted by a prominent, beloved person from the rural community where I grew up. My parents still live in the same town, and desperately want me to visit. Potentially running into my rapist is... not a can of worms I want to open. Neither is explaining the situation to my parents. How should I handle this? (trigger warning -description of sexual assault under the cut) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 9, 2015 - 13 answers

Digging up the past

When I was 19 I was raped by my ex boyfriend. For some reason I've messaged him. He's telling me it didn't happen and wants to meet. I don't understand what's happening internally. [more inside]
posted by blackzinfandel on Aug 31, 2015 - 24 answers

Was I raped? I can't believe I'm asking this.

I can't believe I'm going to write about this, but it won't go away. For years I dated a woman several years my junior. 29 year-old man here. It was a very manipulative, damaging relationship, which both of us exerting control over the relationship in various ways, from ignoring each other, to her hanging her ex-boyfriend over me (he was threatening to hurt me, causing me to wonder at the time if he was on the side somehow), to lying and emotional outbursts. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 30, 2015 - 25 answers

Can tantra be therapeutic?

I’ve been seeing a therapist for a while for various reasons, including coming to terms with rape and a generally traumatic sexual history. My issues with sex have basically made any relationships impossible and at this point I’ve been single and celibate for five years. I would like to change this - or at least to feel like I have the ability to have a fulfilling sexual life if I want to. My therapist has suggested that I look into tantra and has recommended a practitioner for one-on-one work and also an organization that runs weekend courses for groups. Is this legit and/or a good idea? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 7, 2015 - 12 answers

NYC Criminal Defense Attorney for domestic violence and/or rape charge

The title says it all really—I need a recommendation for a criminal defense attorney for someone who may be charged with domestic violence and/or rape in New York City.
posted by (Over) Thinking on Feb 13, 2015 - 3 answers

All aboard the therapy bus

How do I help my girlfriend get the help she needs? [more inside]
posted by switcheroo on Feb 10, 2015 - 18 answers

Female bloggers: Should I come out as a woman on my blog?

I have a blog that I've kept for a while without talking about my gender. I'm wondering about the consequences of coming out as a woman on a not-at-all well-read blog. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 1, 2015 - 11 answers

Should I try to handle these two legal cases at once?

Should I try to deal with these two difficult and scary legal situations at the same time? I have been in an abusive marriage for years and am thinking about divorce as things are getting worse, but also, a few months ago I got raped by a person I knew and trusted. [more inside]
posted by Anya17 on Jan 28, 2015 - 16 answers

I was raped 18 years ago by a famous guy- feeling like a jerk now.

Is there something I can do to help any future victims of a rapist I failed to accuse in my youth? I'm haunted. [more inside]
posted by metasav on Nov 26, 2014 - 24 answers

What is the best thing to say in such a situation?

A dear friend has revealed that their conception was the result of their estranged mother's rape. Help me craft a supportive, loving response, or at least caution me on what NOT to say. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 19, 2014 - 9 answers

Seeking fellow victims...

Reading the news articles about the accusations of rape made against Bill Cosby has suddenly made me resolutely certain of the fact that my rapist has had other victims. My question is, how does one "find" those other victims... without going to court or being super public about having been raped? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 18, 2014 - 10 answers

Resources for Husbands of Rape Survivors

My wife was raped (drugged by a "friend", she doesn't remember the event). I need some help finding (online, books, etc) resources for comfort and perspective for myself. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 13, 2014 - 20 answers

Stimulated by bad touch? How?

Our bodies can respond to stimulation even if we don't consent to it. How? (tw:abuse) [more inside]
posted by kanata on Oct 27, 2014 - 27 answers

Should I report a rape that happened four years ago?

I was raped by S, a new friend and coworker, four years ago. The circumstances of S and I working at the same large company led me to keep it hush among some of our mutual friends and not seek legal recourse. Most of the time what happened doesn't bother me, but sometimes it resurfaces when I think about how I handled it, how he never learned anything from what happened, and that I never found any closure personally. Maybe reporting it will help put this to rest? Complication: entrepreneurship and being the face of a company after filing such a report. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 26, 2014 - 14 answers

A Long Time Ago, In A Relationship Far, Far Away

When should I tell new partners about past abuse? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 23, 2014 - 11 answers

My assault casts a long shadow over my medical record...

My history of sexual assault is in my medical record. My electronic medical record. This is driving me nuts and becoming a mental roadblock for me when I seek further healthcare. [more inside]
posted by gemutlichkeit on Oct 13, 2014 - 41 answers

how to deal with unsupportive friend after rape?

If it's important I'm a young woman. I don't want to talk about the rape or let this get derailed by suggestions of getting professional help. I'm seeing a counselor now and have dealt with the situation. But what's been eating away at me is a friend's reaction in the immediate aftermath. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 21, 2014 - 72 answers

Rape counselling in Bristol UK

Can anyone recommend a rape trauma counsellor/EMDR expert in Bristol UK? I was raped 25 years ago, so not a crisis, but following a recent brave question from someone else I realise I need to get help. M I am happy to pay and I'd like personal recommendations if anyone has any. Thank you
posted by anonymous on Feb 4, 2014 - 1 answer

Katie Roiphe quote

In her epic takedown of Katie Roiphe's The Morning After: Sex, Fear, and Feminism on Campus, Kathy Pollitt writes that Roiphe says that she was "'date-raped' many times and none the worse for it." The idea of whether rape must be associated with trauma to be recognized as rape is relevant to a paper I'm writing, and I'd like to refer to her actual quote. What is the quote, and what page is it on?
posted by quiet coyote on Feb 1, 2014 - 7 answers

Promiscuity should not be the answer.

I grew up in an implicitly sex-negative environment. More recently, I was raped. I had next to no sexual experience at the time and barely understood what was going on while it was happening. I had very little interest in sex in the months after that, but suddenly, I am now extremely preoccupied with the idea of sleeping with other 50 to 60-year old, educated white males. [more inside]
posted by gemutlichkeit on Jan 28, 2014 - 26 answers

Shying away from touch after past assault... how to move forward?

I'd like to try dating... if not for the flashbacks. Difficulty: poor college kid. Snowflakes inside, trigger warnings all the way down. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 14, 2013 - 18 answers

My friend is befriending a rapist. What do I do about it?

How do I advise my (male) friend whose social circle is intersecting with a rapist? Seeking resources as well as advice. [Trigger warning] [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 14, 2013 - 45 answers

Is my boyfriend gay?

My boyfriend was raped as a kid, and recently told me that he used to believe he was gay before he met me. I don't know how to handle this. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 13, 2013 - 25 answers

My LDR girlfriend was raped and I'm worrying about her safety.

How can my LDR girlfriend protect herself from the guy who raped her? [more inside]
posted by Dufay on Aug 12, 2013 - 26 answers

Should I file a police report?

A person I knew had sex with me when I was very drunk and I don't remember giving consent. But I'm reluctant to file a police report. [more inside]
posted by blue rare on Jul 26, 2013 - 45 answers

I'm not traumatized... Am I? (Sexual assault recovery)

I was sexually assaulted a few times and stalked/harrassed by an abusive, predatory and highly manipulative man who was in a position of trust to me. (We weren't in a relationship; he is nearly three times my age.) I am confused about where I should "be" or where I amin terms of getting over the events. Counselors and websites are quick to point out things like PTSD and rape trauma syndrome; they are suggesting things like EMDR and strongly hinting that I'm traumatized. I'm not convinced. Is it possible to actually be traumatized and not realize/recognize it? Is a "trauma response"... with panic attacks, flashbacks, and such... the only possible response to rape and harassment? Secondly: Is therapy always necessary to deal with this sort of thing? Or is it possible that I have/will get over it by myself? I don't want to pathologize myself. I don't want to create new problems for myself by going to therapy that I might not actually need. I wanted to ask metafilter because the counselors I speak to are obviously going to be somewhat biased in telling me that I am "traumatized". [more inside]
posted by gemutlichkeit on Jun 1, 2013 - 26 answers

My girlfriend was raped - how to help from another country?

My girlfriend was raped by a former coworker and friend. How would you recommend I offer support? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 5, 2013 - 7 answers

How to help a relative cope with past sexual assault?

My elderly mother in law recently confided in me that her now-deceased husband sexually assaulted her decades ago and it haunts her daily. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 19, 2013 - 10 answers

History of Rape

I'm interested in learning about rape in 19th century America for a fictional piece I'm writing. I'm not really sure where to start in researching this, but I'd be grateful for any resources or information. [more inside]
posted by Put the kettle on on Mar 8, 2013 - 8 answers

Rape isn't funny

Someone makes rape jokes at your workplace. If you could make them read and write an essay about an illuminating book on rape and sexual violence, what would that book be? [more inside]
posted by DisreputableDog on Jan 22, 2013 - 22 answers

Best books to heal from rape / sexual assault

I've been Googling and looking through different lists of recommended books (including some recommended by orgs like RAINN) about healing from sexual trauma, but I'm looking for 1 or 2 good books that are reasonably-priced. (Many of these books seem to be out of print and therefore expensive.) This is about an assault that happened to me as an adult, so books about child abuse are out. What I don't want: hokey, religious, new-age, preachy, textbooks, "workbooks" My ideal book would deal with many of the symptoms of Rape Trauma Syndrome, including having "body memories" of the assault. Hope this is descriptive enough.
posted by anonymous on Jan 20, 2013 - 5 answers

What was helpful for you about counseling for sexual assault?

Have you gone to therapy or counseling after a rape? What outcome were you looking for? Did it help? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 18, 2013 - 9 answers

Educate me on these crime statistics

The Wikipedia page on statistics about rape shows a very high crime rate for countries like UK, US and Australia in stark contrast to, say, India. The gap can't be explained simply by under-reporting, as that exists in all these countries (even assuming different rates of under-reporting). Is it because these countries have different definitions of rape? Or something else? [more inside]
posted by vidur on Jan 13, 2013 - 32 answers

Confused about potentially nonconsensual sex, how to deal?

Someone had sex with me even though I said "no" multiple times, but I was drunk and my memories of the event are completely foggy, especially the moment of penetration. This happened several months ago and I have been completely ignoring it, but in the past few days told my partner and now feel completely confused. What do I call this? Is this rape or a confused moment that turned nonconsensual by accident? Especially confused about how to interact and think about the other person involved. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 2, 2013 - 57 answers

How to Avoid Being a Victim

Women's self defense. I'm curious about things that can be done before you get to a point where you've got to physically defend yourself. In particular, I'd be interested in first hand experiences from women about how you avoid these situations and if you've ever had to fight someone off. [more inside]
posted by rambletamble on Nov 12, 2012 - 29 answers

All rape is rape, amirite?

My boyfriend made me incredibly angry with rape-related victim-blaming arguments of "people just shouldn't put themselves in risky situations" tonight. I can't make my point eloquently enough. Point me toward someone who can? [more inside]
posted by R a c h e l on Nov 10, 2012 - 62 answers

Why did she tell me she was raped?

The girl I've been dating for two months told me she was raped five years ago. What could be her motivation for telling me now? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 24, 2012 - 47 answers

Recovering from child sexual abuse online

I'm finally processing the reality of being a victim of online enticement by a child predator. Besides therapy, are there any good resources for helping deal with the shame? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 21, 2012 - 12 answers

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