Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with quitting

Quitting on ethical grounds, for selfish reasons

sabatourist — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 15:28:32 -0800

A coworker told me that our boss is sleeping with another coworker, his subordinate, our peer. This is the latest development in a dysfunctional workplace. I would like to quit on ethical grounds without implicating the friend that told me. Help, please. I have been working at a family owned coffee shop for a year now. The cafe is run by 2 mid thirties men and staffed by 5 twenty something female baristas. Sam, the owner, constantly makes sexualy explicit jokes but otherwise is a charming man considered a pillar in our small community. Gabriel, the manager, is sullen and easily angered with poor people skills. He Rarely talks to customers and often belittles employees. When I started working I made it clear up front that Sam should not make jokes around me that in anyway demeaned women and if Gabriel ever bullied me or shamed me for making a mistake I would walk out on the spot.
When I first started there was a scene where sam's wife came in and confronted him about sleeping with a former barista. He admitted it, he and his wife are still together. I thought shit happens, it was none of my business.
Until now I have ignored the overheard sexually harassing jokes and bullying, thinking my coworkers could quit if they wanted to and it wasn't happening to me so I should just keep working.
Yesterday my friend and coworker, was yelled at by gabriel for making a drink incorrectly, got angry and let me know that Sam is currently sleeping with another friend/coworker. It is still none of my business but I feel like I can not continue to work for a person who makes it a habit of sleeping with is employ. They are all consenting adults but there is a power imbalance that can not be ignored a second time. I would like to quit. I would like to be honest and upfront about why i am quitting. But, I should not know about the affair and I think the only way I can quit without betraying my friends' secrets is by not giving a reason. I care more about my friends then being outspoken. But I'm hoping for solution where I can give an epic quitting speech and keep my friend's trust. Any advice?

* no real names used
* I do not need this job or a reference

Quitting a new job...

Anonymous — Sat, 27 Apr 2013 19:57:17 -0800

How best to dump my new job for my newer job? Several months ago I decided to stop freelancing and went on a serious job search. After a couple months of resume-mailing & interviewing, I was offered a decent job with good pay that is marginally in my field. I didn't see it as a great career move but a man's gotta eat.

The day after I accepted this job (let's call it Meh Job) I heard back from another position I'd applied for (let's call it Great Job!), asking me for an interview, which I went to. A few days ago Great Job offered me the position.

Problem is, I've been working at Meh Job for a month. I don't love it here, and I'll be happy to leave. Great Job is better than Meh Job in every way — type of work, organization, co-workers, commute, salary, benefits. But I don't want to burn bridges and I don't want to screw Meh over, and I do feel grateful to Meh for hiring me for a position I wasn't exactly qualified for in such a bad economy. Other relevant details: though I'm not deep in any major projects with them right now, I am in the middle of a very small project for them that only I am working on.

What's my best course of action in quitting Meh Job? Have you been in this situation as either the abandoning employee or the abandoned employer? What's the classiest/least disruptive way out?

How do I tell my boss I'm NOT going to grad school?

jrobin276 — Fri, 19 Apr 2013 03:08:16 -0800

For miscellaneous reasons I no longer wish to go. How do I tell my boss? Do I tell? I am more than happy to continue my professional development (as such)... just less intensively and more cheaply! In fact, I'd happily work through a Diploma (we're in Australia) either in a very related topic (ethics, politics, legal) or the original field. I was planning on going to grad school, got accepted and deferred. In the meantime I got a new job, and indicated several times casually that I was planning to go (part time, online, while working). The degree was vaguely, but not directly, related and is not required for the job; however my anticipated attendance was on my resume. My work was not going to pay for it, although they might have chipped in a little.

Mostly I just don't want to pay for or study so intensively something I apparently don't need and is unlikely to lead where I want it to. The original field was library science: there are no jobs and doubly don't want to pay for it, as I am happy at my job and salary level. I feel terrible... like a total liar - although I was completely genuine and only decided it wouldn't be a wise investment quite recently (when staring down the loans!). Help!

(Sidenote: I'm American living overseas: these would definitely be American Student Loans. I can get an AA online from a US community college and have it recognized as an Australian Diploma by the Australian Libraries Association for virtually free; Diplomas ARE a recognized degree here, esp in addition to a BA, and once you're already working. Also game to study something else...)

The Art of Departure Or, How to Quit My Job.

Ashen — Wed, 03 Apr 2013 20:10:52 -0800

I'm moving from one retail job to another. Which is easy, except for the mild emotional entanglement. How do I pull my hand out of the tiger's mouth? For six months, I worked at a retailer (let's call them Store A) as a cashier, among other things. While often the most mind-numbing job I've ever had the misfortune of taking on, the store's social dynamics encouraged me to establish relationships with my coworkers beyond cordiality. In fact, one of my bosses gave me an end table: she was trying to get rid of it, and I had just moved into my current apartment. She and another manager were kind enough to give me multiple rides home. The managers were EXTREMELY flexible about my taking two weeks' leave in January, with less than 2 days' notice, as a tragedy involving my father rapidly unfolded.

But then I got another job at a pharmacy chain two weeks ago, called Store B. The pay is not much higher (because HR lowballed me last-minute, and I wasn't in a position to refuse), but I have 40 hours a week there. I barely got 25 at Store A, and at the time of hiring at Store B they were about to drop my hours to 18.

Also, commuting to Store A would not be cost effective for me: I don't have a car, my bike is broken, and the round-trip taxi costs 2 hours of work. Any day that I chose to work at Store A could have been spent at Store B, where I'd make (a pitiful but noticeable) 75 cents more per hour. The fact that I am a member of management at Store B and still at the bottom of the totem pole at Store A is the nail in this coffin.

The management team at Store A did not take news of my second job...as well as I thought they would. I was told that while they wouldn't exactly hate me for quitting if I chose to, they'd certainly feel hurt by my departure. My friends have encouraged me to view the job as disposable despite those feelings: it's retail, I don't need them for recommendations, etc. etc. But I feel guilty. Like this morning, I got an angry phone call this morning from the assistant manager. I had requested (by phone, last week) to be removed from the schedule for two weeks, so that I could adjust to my new job. Apparently, the scheduling manager (despite agreeing to my request) placed me on the schedule for this week, and they thought that I was a no-show for this morning. After I explained the apparent miscommunication, the manager snarled that I needed to "get my priorities straight." I was tempted to quit then and there, but said nothing. That phone call has made me anxious about how to approach leaving.

So:

1) How do I phrase this in a way that acknowledges their previous generosity and doesn't royally piss them off further?

2) Do I go with my gut and quit in person, or does the lack of formality (retail) make a phone call acceptable?

and

3) Should I offer to try to stay on until they replace me, or leave them to figure that out as I adjust to Store B?

Notes: both jobs at Store A and B are completely unrelated to my career goals, but I'm leaning on semi-disposable jobs until I miraculously get one with a two-digit hourly wage.

Thank you!

I don't want to tip my hand.

Anonymous — Fri, 22 Mar 2013 07:45:42 -0800

I am planning on leaving my job, and indeed my current career path, in the next 3-ish months, but for various practical reasons I want to stay for those next 3-ish months. There's a conference coming up that I would absolutely be going to if I were staying in this career. Do I sign up for the conference? If I do, the conference fee will be wasted when one of my coworkers could use the money for their own professional development (and money is tight in our department) and I'm afraid this would cause bad feelings and people would take it personally. On the one hand, I'm leaving this profession and I don't particularly need these people's good opinion of me, but I don't want to screw them over unnecessarily because I like (some of) them and I may need them for references, etc. It's not, like TED money, but it's significant in the professional development budget (at our non-wealthy higher ed institution). The organization has been fairly generous to me in terms of professional development and I already feel kind of guilty to be throwing that investment away (though if I'm going to look at it that way I'm also throwing away much more of my own investment in this career, so, you know, whatever).

I considered just paying the conference fee myself (I wouldn't mind going - it'll probably be interesting even though I'm leaving the profession, and I'd like to see my soon-to-be-former colleagues from other organizations) but that would look just as suspicious as not signing up at all, especially since I have previously been chided for using my credit card when I should have put things directly on the department card. I doubt that the organizational bureaucracy has any mechanism by which I could pay them back.

Timing: the conference is in ~6 weeks, and early (discounted) registration is almost over. I'd like to be done working at this place by mid-June (say 12 weeks from now).

So: Do I sign up for the conference? Am I just way overthinking this? Will anyone even remember I wasted some money going to a conference two weeks before I gave notice?

(Oh, also, I considered making up a family wedding or something during the conference, but it runs Monday-Wednesday. Having trouble thinking of a plausible obligation that I would know about in advance, and the department is super-nosy.)

Quit my job, sha na na na na na?

naturalog — Thu, 21 Mar 2013 17:05:27 -0800

I'm a grad student (in the humanities) getting over mono. Should I quit my job? I have a job similar to an assistantship in a department unrelated to what I'm studying. It takes up 10-15 hours of my life a week. Between my own coursework, my teaching, and the job in question, I literally do not have the energy to do everything that needs to get done in my life. I've noticed my work performance suffering from this, and I'm often finishing assignments at the last minute not for lack of time management skills, but for lack of times when I have the energy to work on it. Finances aren't a huge issue at this point; if I needed to, I could make things work without the income this job provides (around $400/month).

But here's the catch: because I've had this job since October and had a lot of relevant knowledge coming in, it would be really tough to replace me (especially at this point in the semester) without creating a lot of work for me and the person whom I'm assisting. He is really busy with work-related responsibilities and we're hitting the point in the semester where things aren't going to slow down at all. I don't want to fuck him over, nor do I want to fuck the department over, which quitting my job would honestly do. I also have a good rapport with him and would like to keep up that rapport; I'm concerned that this would burn bridges, especially because I'm solidly in the recovery period of mono and have been for several weeks.

I want to quit my job because I feel like it would let me devote more time to and have more energy for my schoolwork and teaching. But I don't want to leave everyone in the lurch, which, honestly, I would be doing if I quit my job. Temporarily reducing my responsibilities isn't really an option either because everything that I'm doing, I'm doing because he doesn't have time for it but it needs to get done. And my energy level is slowly heading generally upwards, but I also am still dealing with occasional days when I have to sleep for sixteen straight hours to feel like I can do anything but sleep.

So, denizens of MetaFilter, what do I do? Should I quit my job? I don't mind the work (parts of it I even like), the issue at hand is really just the amount of time and energy I have in my life and the way things are working out at this point.

How to quit a band?

winterportage — Wed, 20 Mar 2013 13:45:20 -0800

How to let them down easy? I made friends with some New Agey/alternative people this winter, and somehow the idea popped into someone's head to start a band.

I'd always wanted to be in a band but had never had the chance, so I joined along. Also, I was happy to find other weird/alternative-ish people to hang out with. it was a nice outlet for me while I was working my first "realish" job since graduation in an office with really successful career-driven people who I find it hard to relate to.

Now I feel like an idiot, but I really want to quit. I want to focus on getting my shit together, coming up with a life plan going forward. Basically, I don't like the music we are making and I don't like these people very much any more. I'm not into the new age stuff and half the time I have no idea what they're talking about, not to mention that there seems to be a lot of passive aggression and drama going on.

I have held off from quitting til now, first because I am cowardly, and secondly because someone else tried to quit and was still badgered to help out. I just don't know how to dissapoint my friend. She's really attached to getting her songs out there, and I don't want to let her down. But I'm just not enjoying it at all and probably should have bowed out way sooner than now. Also, I'm timid and find it hard to argue with people calmly without appearing really cold. I fear my friend wouldn't take "no" for answer and would somehow convince me to stay in because I am so weak and accomodating.

I want to send her an email, because I know I could fully explain myself, but I sort of feel like she deserves this to be told in person. this whole thing means a lot to her. But in that case I am worried I wouldn't be able to stick to my guns on this. Should I email or call?

Am I right to leave my company in this way?

Anonymous — Fri, 15 Mar 2013 09:03:36 -0800

I am planning on leaving my company in late spring to go to grad school in the fall. Am I employing the ethically right approach here? I have been working for the Acme Company as a salaried, at-will employee for several years and on my current client (Global) for a little bit over a year. This year, I applied, was accepted and am planning on attending graduate school in a totally unrelated field. My plan all along has been to leave Acme at the end of May, travel for a bit and start grad school in the fall.

In early February -- at which point I hadn't heard back from any schools -- I was basically reassigned to the Widget Co business (with a really rough commute), a new client of Acme's, as their one-person on-site analyst. They theoretically phrased my reassignment as an "offer," but it was really clear that I was being expected to take on the Widget business (and it would have looked strange not to jump at this new, higher-responsibility quasi-promotion). Widget had signed a contract with Acme effective 1/1, including an on-site, which Acme hadn't provided resulting in pressure from Widget. When they found me internally there was a huge sigh of relief; I am transitioning over from the Global business to Widget this month, effective 4/1.

However, I've subsequently been accepted to grad school and fully plan on going. Since they've moved me over to Widget, Acme has already started recruiting for my current position at Global with some pretty compelling candidates. I haven't mentioned my imminent departure to Acme/Widget because my suspicion is that if I did, they would just let me go and fill my position with someone new -- after all, if you knew that the person you'd just tapped to fill this position was leaving in two months, wouldn't you find somebody else instead? And I could really use the couple of months' savings to pay for my summer travel.

So my current plan is to get set up on the Widget business, work there for a couple of months, give two weeks' notice mid-May and then depart at the end of the month.

My gut feeling is that this is ethically totally fine -- Acme is a big public corporation, and they don't (and haven't) hesitated to let people or whole divisions go, and I'm on at-will employment. They haven't hesitated to move me around to new clients, frequent travel to which severely impacted my quality of life, so I shouldn't hesitate to leave as well with the courtesy two weeks' notice.

Is that right? I'm asking so that people can either confirm this feeling: that's totally OK! Or tell me why this is unethical and what I should do instead (longer notice?) I want to do the "right thing," but also the right thing for me.

Tips for leaving my work on a good note instead of arguing

Anonymous — Fri, 15 Mar 2013 09:02:48 -0800

I've decided to leave my job, and I want to be responsible and wait 1-2 months to give notice so that I don't leave the company stranded. I've always had friction with my manager, which is one of the main reasons I'm leaving. During my last couple of months, I want to get along well with her so that she'll remember me positively, but I find myself blurting out negative things that I'm thinking. How do I stop? I am the leader of one department in my company. In my 2 years here, I've always gotten into arguments with my manager. It is so frustrating that I have decided to leave. I want it to be a positive ending so that she'll remember me well, for future reference checks and in case we need to interact professionally in the future. My department has several missing positions, and I'd like to hire people into those roles before I go. Otherwise the company is going to be stranded and may miss several key milestones. Hiring the roles is going to take a couple of months.

Currently I find myself blurting out things that I know are going to annoy my manager. Sometimes it's about topics we've already rehashed endlessly. I feel passionately and end up making the same argument again, and she gets annoyed. I also disagree with her management style, and when those topics catch me unawares, the things I blurt out off the top of my head are negative and annoy her.

Her other direct reports have expressed the same frustrations about her management style to me in private, but they are very deferential in public and rarely challenge her. She's talked to me about how I need to do a better job of managing upwards, and I've been trying to, but I need tips on how to hold myself in check.

In addition, I'm scared that even if I succeed at doing this, I'm going to end up with massive resentment or feeling like a doormat and that I've disrespected myself.

I really want to leave on good terms. What are your tips?

What are good reasons for quitting a job?

ArgyleMarionette — Tue, 26 Feb 2013 18:09:48 -0800

I'm depressed and overwhelmed. I think this is primarily due to work pressures. Are these reasons to quit a job? What are some valid reasons? What should I be asking myself? I am feeling so overwhelmed and tired and depressed about work. I keep on breaking down, and I am really struggling to stay afloat or stay focused. I get very depressed and don't feel like going on (I do have support mechanisms so this is not something that needs an intervention -- just trying to convey how depressed i am).

I keep on thinking about quitting. I honestly don't know what I want to do next - I've had several short term fellowships -- I don't think i've been stellar in those either, though I seem to have cultivated a successful-seeming narrative.

Issues that I've come up with so far:
1. not having health insurance
2. not having money (I don't have a lot of savings - maybe 10k? no debt. i live in an expensive city though)
3. supporting my mom (she's in her early 70s and has no retirement savings.)
4. concerned that I will just get further depressed, and become a burden on others
5. wondering what people will think of me
6. making a rash decision, not really having a good plan what to do
7. losing my friends? (fellow professionals)

Out of these, 3 worries me the most, followed by 4 and 7, i think.
I hate living so much some times that many of these start feeling moot.

Things that could be good that come out of this? Maybe?
1. it might force me to try something new and radical, and identify what i really want to do with my life?
2. give me an opportunity to do typical in-your-20s stuff -=- travel, working odd jobs, etc. (I was in grad school (PhD) through my 20s, and related 'alternative careers' since... to the point that i am somewhat viewed as an expert in career advice. funny, huh?
3. remove the persistent feeling that i keep on staying in these jobs like my current one because that's what i'm expected to do?

background: I've been like this for a long time (like this) and sorta like this), tend to be an overachiever and people pleaser, i am 33, boyfriend but no kids, have a Ph.D. (that i something think i did just because of parental pressure and question a lot), am making decent to above-decent money, and am in a career US gov job, so while i should be happy with what i have... yet here i am, feeling so so so stuck. feel free to tell me i'm being ungrateful... but please tell me ways i can try to reframe my thinking.

sorry for all the rambling. just feeling at wits end more and more. thank you.

Is there a good way to list an ABD instead of a PhD on a resume?

lostguy — Thu, 31 Jan 2013 18:36:09 -0800

About a decade ago, I had a quarter-life crisis and decided to drop out of grad school in science... how do I deal with that now? I went to an Ivy League university and then a very prestigious grad school for chemistry. I spent about 3 years earnestly working towards a PhD, but the work seemed to become unrewarding and my prospects in academia looked bleak (I hit that 3rd year wall... really hard). I was mentoring an undergrad who was applying for grad schools and he came to me one day with a letter of recommendation from our PI -- and it was not glowing. It was actually the opposite of glowing. I was shocked. (This undergrad had gotten a "backup" letter of recommendation from another professor and used that one... but wanted to let me know what my own advisor thought of our work together.)

That was the data point in my mind that made me think that I really needed to quit and do something else. (Other grad students in this lab had quit before me, and I heard I wasn't the last one to quit after I left, either.)

So I've been at a couple of jobs now, but I haven't really built a "career" in my mind. I may still be stuck in a mindset that I don't have any credentials to show that I'm a PhD-level employee. I don't really regret my somewhat rash decision to quit a PhD program (and I quit it totally, without getting the consolation master's degree). But I've take jobs so far, where I haven't needed to really demonstrate an advanced degree. And now I think it's time to try to move forward a bit more career-wise.

I don't want to go back to school for anything. I just want to start exploring my employment options more, but I still haven't sorted out how to explain this non-PhD on a resume. Do I leave it off entirely? It's only 3 years of a PhD, after all. Is a 3 year gap right after college a no-no? Or do I leave it on my resume (and even list the publication that actually has my name on it, even though I didn't finish that work...)? How do I really explain the quitting to an interviewer in a way that doesn't sound like I'm blaming my advisor or that I'm prone to making rash decisions? (I wouldn't even call it a rash decision because I really did actively decide to quit my PhD program for the sake of my best emotional well-being at the time.)

Hive-mind, let me know if there's a way to sweep this under the rug now that it's a decade old... or help me figure out a way to explain my situation that.. presents me in the most favorable way to someone who doesn't know me at all.

Thanks in advance.

How to leave a job after a short time

trillian — Thu, 31 Jan 2013 11:30:45 -0800

I hope this will be my last job-related question for quite a while. I want to give two weeks' notice today or tomorrow at this job and I'm not sure how to go about it. I got an offer today for a new job that is very different from the one I have now: 25/30 hours a week instead of full-time; on-site, not remote; doesn't involve sitting at a desk all day; very family-friendly and flexible bosses. I started my current job just last summer, so it hasn't been long at all, and I feel bad about that. I didn't realize that it wouldn't be a good fit, and they promised more flexibility (with my schedule) than they delivered. I hate working from home (and they discourage working at coffeeshops or whatever), and I want to have more time with my young son. And even though I'm a writer, I want a job with less writing (and therefore less anxiety).

How much do I go into detail about my various reasons for leaving, especially after such a short time and since I basically told them last year that this was my dream job? If it matters, it's a nonprofit organization and my (all-remote) department is a great group of people. They may be shocked to hear that I'm leaving so soon, so I'm dreading giving notice.

Bonus question: Does anyone know what happens if you quit a remote job where you bought home office stuff and got reimbursed? File cabinet, keyboard, etc.? Are they likely to just charge me for it, or would they want me to give them anything that they could reuse in one of their offices? I'm talking about $800 or so.

End of the road...oh no, more road.

Anonymous — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 09:11:00 -0800

How do I stop sabotaging my own plans to leave a badly fitting job? I joined a corporate organisation in 2008 because I wanted to pay off debt and save. I'd previously been a contractor in cultural institutions/non-profits and the adjustment period was really hard but I stuck it out to avoid being a flake and promised myself I'd move on soon.

2.5 years ago I was promoted to manager and although the first year was an interesting challenge I've been unhappy for pretty much the entire time since. I do like my colleagues but I'm uncomfortable managing people who were previously team mates. I also have next to no interest in the industry my job supports and the vast majority of my work revolves around the endless re-specification of a sprawling org-wide IT infrastructure project that my team has a small stake in, at the cost of the actual front end work we're supposed to be concentrating on. Churn (outside of my team) is high, restructures happen almost on a six monthly basis and I feel utterly burnt out.

So quit right? Except I can't seem to do it.

I tried the 'get a new job first' route. In April last year I applied for and was offered a similar gig that paid much more, but I turned it down as the company felt 'too corporate'. In September I again applied for and was offered a similar type of job but back in the kind of creative institution I would have given my right arm to work at 5 years ago. I actually got as far as accepting the job and handing in my notice - only to rescind a week later out of panic that I'd oversold myself and the role would be beyond me. I think I'm really just afraid of finding myself back in this position if I take any job I appear to be qualified for.

I applied for lots of less senior posts too but didn't get short-listed for interview. I even toned down my application for an internship at a big museum that had previously offered me a job back when I was contracting but didn't get so much as an acknowledgement. Having hired people to work in my own team I know how weird it is to get senior people applying for junior posts.

I'm now feeling so disenfranchised I want to cry constantly. The sheer effort of maintaining this veneer of caring about the work we do has worn me out. I feel like a terrible, horrible person for effectively lying to colleagues (of whom I'm generally very fond) for over five years. I feel I took a wrong turn at a critical junction five years ago and it's too late to go back. I'm 37 and seemingly too senior now for most front line production work back in my old sector but I don't have the confidence or practical chops to take on a management role there either. I can't access how I really feel about any of this any more and I feel like I'm barely alive.

Originally I'd promised myself that I'd only stick out the job until debts were paid and a specific amount was saved. I've built up three times that original sum and long since paid of that debt, with another six-months emergency fund on the side, yet every time a (self-imposed) deadline to quit comes up it slides past. I have no dependants and my job has a three month notice period so it's not like I'd be in penury in two weeks if I did quit but still I can't bring myself to do it.

I saw a therapist for nearly a year to help me move on, but all that seemed to happen was I talked my self even harder into staying. I have no idea what to do any more - I feel I have no skills other than pretending really effectively. I cry at the thought of Monday mornings and coming back after Christmas was so awful I actually called in sick for three days. I feel irritable and angry a lot of the time.

What the hell is wrong with me? How do I stop sabotaging my own plans? Has anyone else been through this? What did you do to make yourself move on?

Putting in my two week notice after one week?

flying_trapeze — Mon, 31 Dec 2012 12:31:36 -0800

Just hired, now I have to quit. I took a job as a host at a restaurant on winter break, after being positive I wouldn't be returning to school this semester. When interviewed, I informed my employer as to the circumstances explaining why I was initially able to take the job. My parents could not afford another semester, thus I was planning on working until fall again, then resuming my education.

However, as a New Years present, my lovely aunt has decided to pay the rest of this semester's tuition. It was a surprise for my parents and I. She gave the payment to my parents, who have applied it to my balance. My holds have been released, and I should be beginning school on schedule on the 14th.

I will be putting in my two week notice tomorrow and I feel really bad about this inconvenience. Is there anything important to put in my letter, to avoid any repercussions and smooth things over? I realize there will be probably bad blood, and I don't expect a reference from this short work period. But I do like my place of work and employer and would like to leave on good terms. What else can I say or do?

How do you move on from a bad job?

rasselas81 — Sun, 16 Dec 2012 12:28:19 -0800

I am trying to process a period of professional turmoil in my life that occured over a year ago. Things are okay now but I am still dealing with painful emotions and memories from that experience. How can I go about finding closure? I am thirty years old and live near a major urban centre with my wife of six years and our 2.5 year old daughter. I am the primary breadwinner for our family. I have worked full-time in financial services since graduating business school five years ago. Upon leaving school, I landed a job as a trainee at a large company. I should stress that I enjoy working in this field and it is a good fit for me professional and personally. I plan to keep working in it for the foreseeable future.

After getting the job, I worked for two years as a trainee and then a junior analyst. I did notice the culture was much more cutthroat and political than I preferred, however, I was too junior to really be caught in the middle of it. Shortly before my daughter was born, management approached me and offered me a job as an account manager – that is, someone who manages a portfolio of clients. The position came with a large raise and they strongly recommended I take it so I could “check off” that box on my career. Also, the company had problems keeping qualified people in the role. In retrospect, I should have paid attention to the warning signs, but let myself be talked into it since the raise would help balance out my wife’s leaving work.

The job was more challenging than I realized. The hours were long (say 60 hours a week) and exhausting, since I was the point of contact for nearly seventy clients and at any time had several fires to put out each day. This put a real strain on my marriage since my wife had little help from me with our newborn.

In addition, I now had to deal with some tough personalities. I reported into two managers. One of them was a deeply paranoid and mistrustful person whom everyone, including my other manager, was afraid to confront. In addition, two of my clients were clients from hell – demanding, passive-aggressive bullies who would throw abusive temper tantrums if they didn’t get their way. If any of you have experienced these types of people, then you can understand why just seeing their phone numbers on call display would make me break into a cold sweat. I consider myself a professional and tried to do my best in the job while staying sane, but the pressure from doing so exhausted me emotionally and physically.

Around this time last year, I had three projects experience trouble in quick succession. The type of trouble they experienced happens from time to time and came with the job – every experienced person in my industry has a story or three. Now, in my case, I had missed several signs that things were about to go bottoms up due to my exhaustion and inexperience. I took responsibility for the misses since I am a professional. The paranoid manager missed the warning signs as well, so, to protect herself, she claimed I had lied to her about the situations and covered up the warning signs. She was flat-out wrong, but, to my dismay, my other manager believed her instead of me and escalated it. After a series of very uncomfortable meetings where my character was called into question, management told me they would not document anything with HR, but step out of line again and they’d start disciplinary proceedings against me. I was shocked by the attack but even more disturbed by the “let’s keep it off the books” attitude. The situation told me that this was a very dysfunctional workplace and I needed to get out – I could not trust these people anymore.

I reached out to a few colleagues to see if I could get a job at another company. Fortunately, one friend did know of a job opening at his company and recommended me for it. Much to my surprise, the hiring manager turned out to be a former employee of my current company – we never worked together but knew many of the same people. So, I did not hide any of the issues that had caused me to leave although I obviously discussed them in an appropriate way for an interview setting. He called me back a week later and offered me the job.

Afterwards I discovered he had asked some of his former colleagues about my story and, to their credit, they told him I had been railroaded unfairly by management. He explained that he knew the culture there was very dysfunctional and the managers who went after me were not to be trusted. By contrast, he felt he could trust me.

Anyway, once I got the offer I cleaned up any outstanding issues and then handed in my notice – one of the most satisfying moments of my life. I’ve now been in this position for eight months. My career is back on track, I have a great relationship with my boss and the other people I interact with, I am making a higher salary then I did at my old job, and I have fantastic work-life balance. My wife and I have our marriage back on track and I am there to see my daughter grow up. I feel truly blessed and very, very lucky this turned out as well as it did.

But, I’m still haunted by the memories of the crap I went through at my last job - particularly that one manager who accused me of dishonesty, and the two clients from hell I mentioned above. I had nightmares about dealing with them for months afterwards. Even now, thinking of them makes me break out in cold sweats or makes me so angry my hands shake. This happens several times a week.

As well, I feel guilty about still experiencing these negative emotions since I never had real closure with these individuals. I know rationally there was no real way for me to do so – protocol required I had to be escorted right out of the building as soon as I gave my notice - but I needed it emotionally and didn’t get it.

Now that it’s been a year since most of this went down, I need to come to terms with all of this. I suspect most of you will recommend therapy and yes, I will be looking into it in the new year. For now, I would love to hear from any of you who went through similar situations. How did you deal with it? What did you do to cope with the emotional fallout of leaving a terrible job? What lessons did you learn for your own career? How can I better spot situations like this in the future?

TL;DR – I successfully got out of a terrible job where my character was called into question and the stress impacted my home life. I’m at a much better position now, but am still dealing with the anger/guilt from the bad job. How can I best process all of this and put it behind me?

Corporate America is sucking the life from my very soul

Falwless — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:38:04 -0800

How do I transition from corporate America to working for a small business? I'm done. I'm done with the corporate nonsense. After ten years at a fairly sizable regional financial institution as an IS project manager, I've decided the corporate thing is just not for me any longer. It's not what you know, it's who you know and how well you bullshit. I'm just so done.

Long term (2- to 3-yr) goal: To get a graduate certification in personal coaching and start my own business as a Life Enrichment Coach. THIS is my true passion and calling. (No, I don't want to be a therapist or psychologist, thanks.) However, in the meantime, while I do (& pay for) the certification I still need to make a stable income. So...

Short term (Now) goal: To get the hell out of this place. I want to work for an established small business or other relatively small privately owned company. I am a jack-of-all-trades, master-of-none in IS. I don't care about money; I care about happiness. If I could match my (low for the field) salary I'd be just fine with that.

My question - where do small businesses find new employees? Where should I be looking for opportunities? I'm pretty fearless; should I just send my resume to any small business I like? Knock on doors? How do I quit the corporate game, once and for all?

(And yes, I know small businesses have their own set of politics and issues - I am aware it's not going to be all rainbows and kittens, I just need a change of environment, and I don't want to work for a publically held company any longer.)

Thanks for any insight...

Is it ever ok to quit?

Minos888 — Sun, 04 Nov 2012 10:10:25 -0800

Is it ok to quit a job when you know you are not going to be successful? I'm currently involved in a huge system transformation at work which is vastly underresourced and going sideways in a huge way. Is it ever ok to walk away from a situation like this? Should I stick it out and try to bring some success and closure to this project no matter how many overtime hours it takes? Or throw in the towel? Advice from anyone who has been in this situation is much appreciated?

I knew quitting would be hard, but...

peachfuzz — Mon, 15 Oct 2012 08:13:20 -0800

I quit smoking a couple of weeks ago. I think I'm over the initial hump, but the second wave of side effects is making me CRAZY. Please help me :( I quit cold turkey, from smoking a pack-ish per day. The actual not-smoking-a-cigarette-when-you-really-want-to-smoke-a-cigarette has been predictably sucky, but surprisingly manageable. I haven't had one since The Last One, and the super-intense physical cravings have subsided a lot already.

My problem now is with a bunch of side effects I didn't expect, and they're making my life so shitty that I sometimes seriously consider smoking again just so I can get some goddamn sleep. Here are the major ones:

1) Major insomnia. This has never been a problem for me ever before. I am not drinking more or less caffeine than I did when I smoked. I don't feel especially anxious. But I fall asleep at a normal time, wake up at least a couple of times in the night for half hour or so periods, then really wake up maybe four hours after I fell asleep and spend the next couple hours drifting in and out until I give up and get out of bed. I am averaging perhaps three hours of real sleep a night. I am turning into a zombie. Is there something I can take to help me sleep and stay asleep?

2) Night sweats. Wtf. I am not a sweaty person. My sheet/blanket/comforter situation is exactly right and comfortable. And I'm still waking once per night absolutely drenched in sweat. The bed is actually WET. From my SWEAT. It's horrifying and I am seriously over stripping the sheets every day. What the hell can I do about this?

3) Digestion issues. I've always eaten pretty clean. Lots of whole-food fiber, tons of water. I have always had drama-free digestion. NOT ANYMORE. I am gassy, constipated and its opposite by turns, just overall not doing so great with the whole thing. What do I take/eat/not eat? ARGH!!

4) Sort of a general...sadness? Saudade, really, around not smoking any more. Like, I actually feel sad when I'm in a situation where I would love to be smoking, and I'm not smoking. It's like this major pleasure-giving thing has gone away, I almost feel like I'm grieving for a loss. This is silly, but it's actually also a pretty depressing thing and is adding a lot of sadness to my life that I do not want or need.

So quitting smoking has made me a sweaty, constipated, depressed zombie. I mean it's great, too, and I'm so glad I've quit (and I'm mostly joking about starting again) but I would really like some help with these side effects. Or do I just need to wait it out?

Inspire me to quit smoking.

futureisunwritten — Thu, 04 Oct 2012 13:37:18 -0800

How did you (or someone you know of) beat smoking with clean living? Over Christmas, I hit my highest weight ever, 220lbs (I'm 5'7). Since February, I have lost 40lbs by cutting out sugar and junk food, drinking loads of water, and exercising at least four or five hours a week (combination of Zumba, hula hooping, free weights, and yoga). And I'm really enjoying it. I work out with an amazing and supportive group of women. Even though I'm only halfway to my goal of 150, I really feel happy and energetic lately.

Except for one thing...I still smoke cigarettes. I have been smoking since I was 15. I know it's smelly and nasty and expensive and I need to stop now, but the thought of never having one again makes me panicky. I have quit before for a couple of months at a time, but I always start again.

I need some inspiration. I'm loving the active life but I know that it would be a million times better if I quit the bitch sticks. So I'm looking for personal anecdotes, blogs, or articles about people who quit smoking and changed their lives with exercise and eating clean. Reading blogs and the stories of others has helped me clean up my life in terms of eating and exercising, so I figure maybe it'll help for smoking too.

Plus, winter is coming up and I'm so done with smoking outside, since I live in a place with lots of precipitation and wind.

Working after quitting, when should you ask to get paid?

JoeZydeco — Thu, 04 Oct 2012 09:06:20 -0800

Quitting my job and I know they will be calling me after I'm gone. Nobody is left here to do the work and they have products to ship. Where do you draw the line on friendly help vs paid subcontracting? So long story short I'm a software engineer in a small startup. There used to be two of us, but one was let go and I've been the only coder in the room for the last year and a half.

I've stepped up and managed to do my job as well as the other guy's. That went a long way to keep the company going and keeping customers happy. So much so that a plan to replace the first guy never went anywhere.

Well now I'm leaving for greener pastures, leaving nobody to write and finish the projects currently running. I'm preparing as much information as I can to show where things are and how to build them. But I'm 99% sure I will get phone calls after I'm gone, asking where X is or how to make Y work.

It's the professional thing to help. But there's a point where my time is worth money and if it comes down to "hey can you just fix up XYZ for us that would help a lot", what's the professional way to draw the line? I don't want to just say "the $50/hr clock starts ticking as of...NOW" when I pick up the phone. Has anyone else been in this situation? Thanks.

Do I quit this job or have a nervous breakdown?

Jaie — Sat, 22 Sep 2012 17:08:58 -0800

I'm badly depressed and anxious. And I've got the worst job of my life - I'm 42, so that's saying a lot - complete with a boss I despise and who seems to despise me. My therapist thinks I should quit. Um, hello? Realistically, what can I do? Special flower BS inside. Bare facts: I got laid off from a professional-level library job in July of 2010 (after 10 years with the organization). I was out of work for 18 months, and eventually broke up with my live-in boyfriend and moved back home to my parents. After a few months here, I found an administrative position at a mental health clinic that is indeed the worst job I have ever had.

Before I was laid off, I was depressed (on medication and in therapy), but I was getting by. The depression deepened while I was out of work. Now, it's much, much worse and has been joined by severe symptoms of what I believe is probably anxiety, to the point that some days - maybe even most days - I am barely functional. My hands shake, I tend to babel when I talk about stressors, especially work-related or financial stressors, and I have trouble sleeping through the night. I'm also getting bad headaches almost every day, often waking up with them. I am still on medication and in therapy, although at a different clinic and less often than I would like, because of changes in my health insurance once I was laid off.

Special flower details about the job from hell: Every word I say is fodder for criticism, every step of every task I do is prone to be micromanaged. In the past three weeks I have had two incidents where my behavior was less than professional and far less than I expect from myself. My boss was out sick at the time of the most recent one, but when he returned on Thursday, he made it clear that if there is another such incident, it will be "cause for formal discipline."

Let me stress that I know my behavior was unacceptable; however, I am at a loss as to why we had to spend 30 minutes together in the same room while he told me that over and over, or what response he expected from me, given that I began the entire session by stating that I knew I had behaved very badly and I apologized for it. At a subsequent meeting on Friday, nominally about an unrelated topic and this time in front of my coworkers, with whom he had already discussed everything so that in fact the whole meeting was "directed" at me, he also made it clear that he intends to increase the amount of micromanagement, which I had previously thought was virtually impossible. In short, the man doesn't even like the way I file service notes. He also said that he and his boss are "butting heads" after his boss told me to come in late so I could stay late and thus have the main entrance/exit unlocked and the waiting room open on those days there are group therapy session that run until after the office "closes" at 5 p.m., leaving me unsure what I'm supposed to do. So I'm working an extra half-hour (at least) for free so as not to anger either of them. (He wants me to lock the door and leave people sitting there, but without an emergency exit I'm not even sure if that's legal.)

My therapist believes that any gain from my current job is being negated by its impact on my depression and its total destruction of my self-esteem. She feels that I should just quit. However, I still have bills to pay, including the one for health insurance that lets me see the therapist and buy my medication, and the cell phone that keeps me in touch with any potential employers. (Before anyone can suggest it, disability usually takes years and years to get approved and if I were somehow miraculously approved for Medicaid, the only place I could be seen is the clinic where I now work.)

I have applied for precisely one job this weekend; I live in a rural area and there simply aren't many jobs to apply for, and there are none in my actual field of experience. And I'm now convinced that anything I try to do is going to turn out as badly as this job has, that if I could just bite my damn tongue and be professional and put up with anything I'd be able to excel at this one, but since I can't, it's not even worth trying another job, as I will surely fail there as well. (My ultimate response to this inadequacy is to plan to return to school for a very practical program so that I can train for a job and feel secure that I know how to do it.)

On Tuesday, I missed a visit to the prescribing psychiatrist, and wasn't able to reschedule until mid November. On Wednesday, I had an appointment with my therapist. As I was leaving, she asked me if I could "hang on" until the November appointment. At the time I assured her I could. But on Thursday (and again on Friday, actually) there was the horrendous meeting with my boss. Now I just don't know. The prospect of my boss's micro-micro management makes me shake and cry almost as soon as I think about it. I don't know how I'm going to get myself out of bed and into the office on Monday. I gathered all the personal things I wanted from the office and brought them home yesterday, not so much because I don't plan to go back as that I just couldn't stand to think of them being there in a place I hate so much.

I am going to call the psychiatrist and ask about any cancellations that might have opened a spot for this week, but I don't really think pharmaceuticals are the full answer here.

All in all, I feel completely worthless and like a blight on the face of the Earth. I do think quitting this job would help, but I can't get by without any money. But am I headed for a complete breakdown if I don't quit, and if so how soon?

I know depression and anxiety and whatever else the psychiatrist might decide to call this play tricks on my thinking ability, so I'm asking if there is an option or opportunity here that I'm just not seeing. Please give me some practical advice.

Should I quit before my company relocates me?

kramer1975 — Tue, 11 Sep 2012 05:05:56 -0800

I recently started a new job that is a big career opportunity and looked great on paper, but six weeks in and it has been a total disaster -- I have a terrible boss, don't like the corporate culture, and am unhappy about the hours I've been working. In four weeks I am due to be relocating overseas for the new job. Should I cut my losses and quit before the move? The job: This is a position that would look great on my resume and undoubtedly open new avenues if I was to stick it out for a couple of years. However, I have a boss who is extremely smart but an obsessive micromanager who is making it extremely difficult for me to do what I was hired to do. In short, he has been very critical of all the work I have done so far (some justified, but mostly not), frequently changes his mind about things we have already agreed upon, causing me to waste hours upon hours redoing things, etc. I also have concerns about the culture and work/life balance. I am essentially on call 7/24 and have ended up working often on weekends, for reasons that don't always seem justified.

All of this has me feeling completely miserable. I have suffered from depression and anxiety in the past, and these issues have come back with a vengeance since I started the new position. Unfortunately I wasn't able to take a break between jobs, and am feeling totally burnt out already. I understand that part of this may be the adjustment to a more demanding position with more responsibilty, but am wondering if it's all worth it, considering the toll on my mental and physical health.

In four weeks I am due to relocate overseas to the office where my boss is. My contract has a clause that will require me to repay my relocation expenses if I leave within a year. I will also be dependent on employment by my current company for my legal immigration status in that country. All of which means that it won't be easy for me to quit if things don't work out.

I am excited about the move, but no longer about the job. Without the relocation aspect I'd probably be willing to stick this out for a few months, but given the bad feeling I have about the job, I'm considering quitting now before the relocation, and taking a few months off to recharge my batteries. I have no debt and enough savings to take even 12 months off without any worries, so money is not really an issue.

The job market is not great, however, and I'm worried if such a "good opportunity" will come up again. Any thoughts on the wisdom of sticking it out when it seems like your decision to change jobs was a disaster? Or the pros/cons of taking a career break in ones mid to late 30s?

Launched myself into uncertainty, now what?

twentyfoursummers — Sat, 18 Aug 2012 10:00:57 -0800

I quit my "Dream Job" after 5 months, currently face-to-face with the unknown. Advice? I'm 24. 5 months ago I landed my Dream Job at a Dream Firm - a job that developed relevant and valuable skills, challenged me, and where everything I learned will conveniently put me on the fast track to the career I envisioned having in 5-10 years. I couldn't believe my luck.

Three weeks into the job, I asked myself "What level of hell am I in?". For being so reputable in its field, I was shocked to discover that management in this small firm is deeply, deeply dysfunctional and the overall workplace environment is highly toxic. Extremely high turnover rate (3 people were quitting the week I started). Superiors are volatile - will yell and humiliate you for the smallest things just because they're in a bad mood one day, be extremely sweet and gracious once in a blue moon. I desperately wanted to stay at least a year because I wanted to learn everything and didn't want to waste such opportunity, especially considering the brutal job market. I felt so guilty for feeling miserable because I thought that one some level these feelings were caused by a sense of entitlement and just being "too sensitive." A few months in, things didn't change for the better. I was disgusted with how unprofessionalism is tolerated and sometimes fostered. The combination of everything at this place literally made working 9 hours a day suffocating. I was single-handedly working on a project that is supposed to be handled by a Project Manager (I was hired as entry-level), but I accepted and took it on as a challenge and growth opportunity. I was giving it my 100% but whenever I would have meetings with my boss for guidance, she would be vague, and evasive, and say "I don't know" when I asked her questions. That dynamic caused me a lot of stress and frustration. When I submitted drafts for her to review, she would discuss my drafts with a colleague (who has never worked on the project) and have the colleague micromanage me which I consider disrespectful because first of all, why can't she just communicate her issues with my draft directly to me?

Needless to say I made a decision to leave after 5 months, because I am not willing to commit myself to such place whose ethics and procedures I don't agree with. And I know my bosses will never change. I believe I'm humble and I work hard and I do my best to not take anything for granted. And I know no workplace is perfect, or even highly ideal. It was really tough for me to arrive at that course of action, and I painstakingly made sure that I made my decision from a place of strength, not fear or impulsiveness. At this point, I just really want to work where I feel respected and can feel at ease.

I quit with no job lined up, but two weeks later got recruited by a former colleague to do part-time software consulting work. I'm not technologically savvy at all, but I was trained, now getting my feet wet in the field, and genuinely feel blessed to have this opportunity to diversify my skill set. I've been applying and interviewing for part-time jobs to supplement my income, but overall I'm at peace. I turn 25 in 3 months, and it's interesting because 6 months ago I used to think I was the ambitious type who had my life figured out down to the last detail. "This by 27, this by 35, etc." But life happens. Now I'm reflecting on and re-evaluating my long-term career goals based on what I have learned about myself during the last 5 months.

I would appreciate any comments about my situation. Please feel free to give life advice and share your experiences to someone who is approaching 25 soon and on some sense, "starting over" and facing the unknown. Do you think my quitting was ill-advised, or for the best? Whenever I pass by the building where I used to work, I feel 99% relieved that I never have to deal with those kinds of people ever again, but there's that 1% where I feel I practically committed career suicide.

Many thanks.

What do I do now that I don't do drugs?

Anonymous — Wed, 15 Aug 2012 10:48:32 -0800

Please help me find some alternative activities to drugs and booze - stuff to keep me diverted and entertained during the long nights of insomnia and loneliness I'm looking forward to over the next few months. I'm looking for both general and specific recommendations - books to read, films to watch, games to play, things to cook and activities outside the house I could get involved in. I'm a 30 year old woman and for the last fifteen years, drugs have been a part of my life. Sometimes a fairly minor part (a joint or two in the evenings, several on weekend days), sometimes a major part (smoking weed all day, every day and not working, or indulging heavily in Class As - coke, pills and speed at the weekends while partying and struggling to get back in shape for Monday). I also enjoy drinking (couple of beers/glasses of wine a night usually), and I do struggle with substituting one vice for another and calling it self-improvement (cutting down on the weed? No problem kiddo, open that bottle of wine!). I call it 'addiction cycling', because to me it feels like this self-sustaining cycle of vice. The monkey might change species, but remains firmly on my back.

I'm a fairly high-functioning drug user, so it's never been a problem for me to work - I used to run my own business, now I work in a fairly decent job for a prestigious employer. I'm not quite management level, but I do have a degree of autonomy and responsibility and I do fairly interesting work. But in light of recent illness, mood swings, depression, memory loss, sketchy junkie behaviours and a burgeoning inability to do the stuff I should be doing in the workplace, I've realised that I need to make a massive change and cut this stuff out of my life. I also wonder what my clever brain could do if I didn't have life set on the highest difficulty setting all the time!

I have a plan for quitting, I'm going against all good advice and quitting everything straight away, cold turkey and that bit isn't my major concern at this stage, so I don't require help or advice on that aspect right now, thanks. My problem is I don't know what I'm going to do now that drugs aren't part of my life. Obtaining them took time, using them took time and a lot of my friends tend to do drugs regularly too, attending events which are basically designed around drug-taking (think psychedelic hippie parties, illegal raves, etc), so there will be a period of not seeing these people while I find my sober feet, which I'm expecting to be a bit lonely. Right now, the thought of not having a bedtime spliff makes me nervy, but the idea of the long nights and longer weekends on my own makes me panic!

I've toyed with the idea of getting a second job to pay off debts, or throwing myself into my day job, so I'm relatively flexible about how traditionally entertaining the activity is considered to be, I just need distractions and lots of them! One thing I don't want to do is add too much additional pressure to my situation - quitting will be a major thing for me, I don't want to 'punish' myself by setting any rigid exercise or eating goals, for example.

I'm in the UK, I'm reasonably clever and I like entertaining stuff that's a bit like this:-

TV - Dexter, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, Weeds, Breaking Bad, The Wire
Films - Judd Apatow, quirky indie movies, dark comedies
Games - Fallout 3, GTA 3 onwards, Sims 3, Civilization

I've been told that my tastes and moods will change wildly and unexpectedly over the coming weeks, so I'm not going to be rigid about stuff being in the same vein as stuff I've done before, I honestly have no idea what I'd enjoy doing if I was sober.

I live on my own and have my own transport, so I've got freedom, and enough money that I can spring for a regular class or a meal out or something, although I don't have masses of spare cash lying around.

TL;DR: I'm a single 30 year-old living in a busy city with most amenities. Please help me have the time of my life without drugs and booze!

I need a time machine

trillian — Tue, 14 Aug 2012 17:04:13 -0800

A little more than a month ago, I started a full-time telecommuting job that I thought was my dream job. When I took it, I was working part-time (and had been since my son was born two years ago). This is my first full-time job since becoming a mom. I now think I made a big mistake. Sorry if this is disjointed/disorganized. My mind is reeling.

So, the job itself is fine, but I realized I don't like working at home -- it's very lonely and it's hard to concentrate. (This is not a surprise -- I had already had problems concentrating at non-work-at-home jobs in the past.)

It also feels wrong and is upsetting to me that I don't see my son from 8:30 a.m. to 5 p.m. Monday through Friday. (I know, I know, that's an unavoidable fact for many families.) It was a kind of sudden decision for me to work full time -- before I even had my son I had been planning to work part time after he was born, and stay that way through his childhood.

I liked my part-time job a lot, but of course it had its negatives and "issues," just like all jobs. They had been bugging me this spring, but it felt bittersweet leaving, and my boss was shocked that I left. But I was excited about my new job.

This morning was a turning point, though. A friend of mine said that she got an interview for my old job (so I learned it's still open) and I thought, "Wait a minute, that's MY job. Shit, why did I leave?!!" This friend currently works full time and has two kids, and I felt instantly jealous that she was going to be working part time and spending more time with her kids, AND maybe with MY job. (I was the first person to have the position, so that's partly why I feel that way.) My boss said today that she would "take me back any day," and I am so tempted to quit my current job and ask if she'd take me back for real.

I have been upset on and off all day about this and wishing I had a time machine so that I could go back in time and reverse this decision (which I truly agonized over at the time). I haven't talked to my husband yet -- I'm doing that after I write this.

Complications:
-I've only been working there a month + one week. I know I'll leave the organization in a lurch and they will be mad at me. However, if I stick it out for a year, I would probably not be able to get my old job back; this is my one chance to do that. Also, wouldn't it be better to quit now, because maybe they could offer the job to their second-choice candidate...? I hate making people mad, so quitting is kind of terrifying.
-I would go back to my old salary, which is much less than I'm making now. (I do get good raises every year.) I would just have to budget better than before, I guess.
-Since I work at home, I've already purchased a printer and other office supplies with my employer's money. I don't know what would happen with that if I quit now. I've signed up for benefits but health insurance doesn't start till Sept. 1.
-My son starts Montessori school in one month. I don't know if tuition we've already paid is refundable ($1,000) or if we'd have to pay even more money if we canceled.
-I bought (and got reimbursed for) a $500 plane ticket for a conference this fall. It's nonrefundable. (Crap.)

I'm so torn. Should I just stick it out for one year and then quit and try to find a part-time job here? There are very few communications jobs in my hometown, though, and I don't know if I could find something good. That's why I'm tempted to quit now so that I could (likely) get my old job back.

Or maybe I'm just over-emotional because I'm missing my son when I'm working and feeling guilty about not seeing him much.

Please help me make some sense of this situation. I'm just kinda going crazy today.