Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with quitting

I've got to go, but I know just the guy to help you out...

Anonymous — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 21:29:02 -0800

Have you, or someone you know, ever actually quit your job and convinced your employer to hire you back as a vendor or consultant, producing great happiness? I work in data security for a company whose clients are financial services firms. My job is mostly technical: I consult on internal projects to make sure things are done securely and in compliance to relevant regulations and standards. My background is systems and infrastructure.

There's one aspect of my job that I really enjoy. To me, it's an aspect that could be pretty easily outsourced: it deals with our vendors, and many of our clients outsource it. There are lots of aspects of my job that I don't like: you know, dysfunctional organizations and awful office politics and a growing feeling of stagnation. I have a decent relationship with my boss, although he might see this as 'disloyalty' if I handle it poorly. I don't know how higher levels of management within the organization would react. My wife has a stable job with a decent salary; we could take a reduction in my income but getting it wiped out would be hard. I'm not asking about cash flows or financials right now.

Anyway, that background is somewhat immaterial. I'd like to quit my job and have my employer hire me back to do a certain portion of it, a service which I could then extend to other customers as well. This is something I've heard whispered tales of people doing, but never seen in person. What's my best strategy for doing this successfully?

Temp email: forceloverhat@gmail.com

"bye guys lol"

Anonymous — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 19:41:20 -0800

How to leave a job gracefully when you can't tell your coworkers in person? I work from home for a company that's mostly in-person (all my coworkers work on the same floor, and I work in another time zone). I am giving notice as of today. I have no plans to go visit my job site between now and my exit date. I know ordinarily I'd tell my coworkers in person and that would be really tough...but since that's not an option I'm not sure how to break it to people.

Phone calls would be weird since everyone can hear everyone else's conversations from surrounding cubes, so I feel like if I called one person everyone else would know something was afoot. Emails seem cowardly. I don't want to bring it up in a meeting since that's impersonal. I know I'm overthinking this...I just really have come to care about some of these people and don't want to leave the job in a hurtful way. If you work with someone who isn't local to you, what would help you feel like that person really did feel sad not to work with you anymore? How can I convey this without some kind of near-tears monologue in a conference room?

Any advice would be great. I've never quit a job before and hadn't predicted it would be so wrenching.

Separation payout for vacation time earned full-time after later reducing hours

NortonDC — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 22:07:27 -0800

What happens to the separation payout for vacation time earned as a full-time employee if the employee is on part time or reduced hours when leaving? A buddy in DC has a block of vacation time, measured in hours of vacation time available, that he earned as a salaried full time employee. A while ago he reduced his hours, and his pay reduced in proportion to his hours. His company's policy is to pay for unused vacation time upon separation, but he worries that reducing his hours reduces the dollar payout value of the banked vacation time, and he's a bit skittish about probing for specifics with his company before announcing plans.

My guess is that the dollar payout for the vacation time should remain the same no matter how much his hours reduced because the value of each hour of work (and vacation?) has been proportionally maintained during the hours reductions.

Does anybody know for sure? This in Washington, DC.

Relaxing alternatives to marijuana use

Anonymous — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 15:03:53 -0800

How can I unwind in the evening if I give up pot? And no, alcohol is not an option. I'd like advice for sober ways to unwind, as well as tips for making the transition. I'm an intense, hard-working person who often puts in 12 hour days at work, runs and lift weights, volunteers and has a robust social life, and most of it does not involve pot. I've also smoked weed in the evening probably 5 or 6 nights a week for the past decade.

It doesn't take much. I go through an eighth of an ounce every month or two. I also go without a few weeks a year while traveling, and have quit for months at a time during job searches. But when I have it on hand and I'm having a tough day, it's better than anything else. When I'm having a normal day, it's still pretty nice.

I'd like to stop smoking except when offered by others (a rare event in my life), and I don't want to replace this drug with something else. But I have a constantly-whirring brain that sometimes goes off the anxiety rails, and I'm worried about controlling my worry. I know that pot increases anxiety in some people, but before I started smoking I was WAY more stressed than I am now. Nights when I don't smoke, I often wake up in the morning with a sore jaw from grinding my teeth in my sleep, which is something I've been doing since I was three years old.

Can anyone suggest new, intoxicant-free rituals that might help satisfy the role that marijuana has played in my life? I'm already exercising regularly after work, which helps me relieve tension, but it doesn't shut off the brain churn. I'm thinking meditation might be a good thing to try. What else? I don't want to take on activities that will make me MORE productive. I think I'm inclined to be too productive as it is, which is what leaves me seeking shortcuts to relaxation.

I'd also appreciate tips for sticking with this plan. Pot has become an important part of my life, and I know that it will be psychologically hard to give up. Will I still be able to smoke once every month or two when I get together with my brother or visit my pothead friend? Or should I worry about "falling off the wagon"? Can you share your experiences with giving up or cutting back on pot?

(Nod to this thread.)

Advice for advertising CD considering quitting?

Anonymous — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 16:06:41 -0800

NYC big ad agency creative director with art background is considering quitting his job to look for another, in this economy. Would really appreciate some advice... The person in question (seriously not me, but still anon to be safe) is a friend who badly needs advice and I'm doing everything I can to help.

His current job is horribly mismanaged which results in a steady 65+ hour work week with no chance to see family and not much chance for creative success since project schedules are too tight. No exaggeration here, he's had some terrible bosses and situations in his time and handled it fine, but this is really exceptional and doesn't look like it's going to change.

He has a great resume and great creative skills, mostly on the interactive side. Background is in art/design, but most of the last couple years have been "big ideas" for interactive campaigns. Recently has also been doing TV work.

The questions are:
-Is it totally stupid to quit a job in this market? Is there any hope of finding a CD or ACD-type position in the ad biz these days even with a good resume?

-A different tack I discussed with this friend was looking into jobs outside-of but related-to advertising. Maybe like marketing positions in a company? Is this a good idea? Other careers where it might help to have a interactive advertising background? We talked about maybe something more low key in north Jersey where he lives.

-A couple years ago, this kind of job searching was all handled by headhunter/recruiters. Is that still a good way to go? Any recommendations for people to talk to in the NYC or North Jersey area? If not, other ways to look for jobs at this level?

Feel free to email any questions to: cdjobhunthelp@gmail.com

I realize this is a really vague/broad question, but I'd really appreciate any advice, thanks!

Kisses are nicer when they don't taste like Camels

Anonymous — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 15:43:28 -0800

How can I let my new guy know I don't like him smoking without turning into an unpleasant nag? I'm newly in a relationship with a great guy. I like just about everything about him, except for the fact that he smokes. It makes him smell bad, and it's disruptive to our time together when he has to get up every hour or two to go out and smoke.

At this point, it's not a deal breaker for me; I don't want to issue any ultimatums. I saw my mother try to quit smoking for years; I know it was incredibly hard, and I know pressure from the people who loved her was the farthest thing from helpful. I don't want to cause my guy that kind of angst. I also don't want him to feel he has to hide his smoking from me.

I just want to let him know, in the most respectful, supportive way I can, that I would be happier if he quit smoking. His health and his finances are his business, and I know he knows the damage smoking can do to them. But kissing a smoker and having our evenings fractured are my business, and I don't think he knows how much I dislike it.

tl;dr: I don't want to make him quit. I just want to let him know there are some new reasons he might consider quitting. How do I walk the fine line of telling him that without pushing him?

I want to want to stop drinking. And I sort of do. But I don't.

Anonymous — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 19:57:43 -0800

How can I make myself actually *want* to stop drinking, rather than just intellectually *know* that I should, then feel guilty for not even trying? How can I motivate myself to keep attempting to quit? I am a 26yo female who has been drinking for around 10 years. During this time I would estimate that I have been quite drunk around once or twice per week, on average (so maybe 10 drinks). I don't drink daily by any means, but the longest I've ever gone without drinking is probably a month or two - and that's only happened maybe twice. Sometimes I'll just have one or two but I mainly get very drunk. I'm guessing this is considered to be heavy use, although many of my friends probably have similar levels.

Over this time I have gained a reputation as a bit of a party girl / loudmouth which, oddly enough, used to be a source of pride... but increasingly is a source of shame. As my peers mature I am stuck in silly adolescent behaviour and am more aware of how selfish and attention-grabbing I am when drinking.. and sometimes sober I suppose. The line between the drunk me and what I think of as The Real Me is now almost completely blurred. Now, the mornings after, I have very strong 'emotional hangovers' with a cringeing regret about whatever I did last night. I have little idea these days about whether this shame has any basis in reality, but it doesn't really matter, because I feel so guilty in general for continuing to drink. This horrible feeling of being out of control, not myself, is the major reason I would like to stop (I have also habitually done many stupid and dangerous things while drinking, such as driving, random drugs, chain smoking and unsafe sex. My professional network is also quite small in this city and becoming increasingly aware of how drunk I get.)

I have been to AA (and decided, unequivocally, that it's not for me), various therapists, tried naltrexone for a couple of months with varying success, and I've read and tried to research almost everything I can find on addiction. I've sought out non-AA support groups but they are not available in my small city. I'm currently in therapy one hour per week (I've had about 5 sessions so far), which is helpful insofar as I am expressing my feelings about minor family dysfunctions (nothing terrible, just your average childhood really); dropping out of grad school; my relationship/s; my drinking behaviour; my identity; my run-of-the-mill graduate career crises etc. I'm not depressed, I'm in reasonably decent health (I hope) for someone who puts so much poison into her body on a regular basis, and most things in life are, on the balance, objectively pretty good.

Yet I STILL feel this compelling drive to get drunk at least once per week, always followed by a day or more of sickness, apathy and depression. It's getting to the point where I am extremely concerned about the effects on my health and wellbeing, on my reputation, my mental health and of course on the people around me. The thought that this could go on for another 10 years is utterly terrifying.

But it's that old conundrum - am I unhappy because I drink, or do I drink because I'm unhappy? After all this time, I just don't feel any closer to quitting drinking. It's like some part of me just doesn't even consider stopping. I can't seem to make a decision and stick to it (even as I say that, I realise it's just my own self-defeating voice speaking, yet from my experience, it seems so true.)

So my question is NOT a general, what should I do about my drinking, or, is it a problem. I feel like I am pretty familiar with the answers to those questions already.
What I want to know is, how do I make myself WANT to stop, to want to try? How do I differentiate this attempt from numerous others, whereby I actually believe it is possible? How can I best help myself? Is there something specific I could be asking my therapist, my boyfriend or my family to do to help me? What are the ingredients of a successful change to sobriety? (Please no Big Book quotes!)

Thank you all so much for any advice you can give - I am desperate to hear anything new on what, for me, has become a very old and tired theme.

What to do about my excruciating work situation?

Anonymous — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 20:52:59 -0800

What are the best strategies for my current work situation? Question relates to disability, unemployment, and illegal activities (not mine). Apologies for any lack of detail, but, you know, anonymity.

I've been at my current job for about a year and a half, where I'm a good performer. Since requesting reasonable accommodation under the Americans with Disabilities act (I work in Illinois), my manager and the HR department have started building a tardiness-related firing case (no other employees in the department even have their arrival times tracked), I've had my shift switched back and forth (in addition to some other petty stuff that's jerky but not, apparently, illegal), brought to meetings with HR where I'm yelled at and not allowed to talk, and other Office Space-ish nonsense. One lawyer (although not my lawyer) told me it was clearly retaliation.

Further: the company is misleading in the descriptions of some of its products (although I'm not sure if it crosses the line into actionable fraud as IANAL), they haven't hung the required labor-law posters, and they (as in, the company, not individual users) install pirated software on computers (I've brought this up to multiple managers with no result, and have screencaps of cracker signatures from multiple installs).

Possibly more important: the stress just from going in every day is becoming unbearable. I feel like I'm going to "lose it." My health's been affected. I'm sick of the frustration and I'm sick of taking their shit, and I've run the situation (in much more detail, obviously) by some of my more level-headed friends, and they agree that I'm being treated quite poorly.

So: should I wait until they fire me (as they've told me they will the next time I'm at all late - it's a "right to work" state so that's their right, I guess, ADA issues aside), quit and try to collect unemployment insurance until another full-time job comes up (Illinois seems to allow this if the company was participating in illegal activity), or stick it out, hope their assholism toward me crosses the line into blatant illegality (after reading a recent Metafilter post on workplace bullying, I realized my manager met about 2/3 of the criteria, but, again, being a jerk isn't illegal), and depend on the legal system to provide redress?

Will leaving midway through notice period kill my future job prospects?

larkspur — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 11:11:11 -0800

Got talked into adding additional weeks to notice period. Now well into that time and work situation is intolerable. Will walking now ruin my life? I put in notice that I was leaving my job three weeks ago. It was only supposed to be two weeks' notice, but my boss insisted that if I could stay through September, it'd be more money for me, smoother for everyone, etc. (I don't really need the money, but the extra was going to buy me a new desktop. I can live without.)

In the meantime, he has berated me, called me names, told me that I'm making a horrible mistake, said my boyfriend is going to leave me if I quit, said that I am never going to be able to find another job, that he was the only one who'd be willing to hire me, etc. I am not leaving for another position; I'm leaving for family reasons and going to be doing part-time self-employment for the next six months to a year.

I am not normally thin-skinned and it has me ready to cry at the drop of a hat and I've spent the last two weeks constantly feeling like I'm going to throw up. My work quality has slid downhill faster than an Olympic bobsled. I'm not really doing anybody any good here at this point and it's not going to get any better as he progressively gets more angry with me for leaving. One coworker has already said she's surprised I keep coming in. I have been trying to make things smooth for the transition, but at this point my boss will not allow me time to work on those things and I suspect there is no possible way to catch up what needs to be caught up before I leave without working 24/7, and I can't get approved for overtime.

I'd have to be insane, I'm sure, to send anybody to this guy for a reference anyway. But am I going to be killing my entire career for the rest of my life if I don't stay until my official end date? This is a very small company; there is no HR to go to about the problem, the boss in question owns the place. If it's not going to be a reference anyway, what am I looking at in terms of possible negative repercussions?

Having a hard time here justifying not just putting my key in with a letter at the end of the day and leaving it on his desk, but I don't want to do that if there's something I haven't thought of that will make it a major mistake.

Other possibly relevant info: This is an entry-level professional position for which I make far less than the usual going rate for these positions and have no benefits. I do deal with clients, who have not yet been informed that I'm leaving because three weeks in, I still don't know who's taking them over. I've been here for two years and this is my only post-university job so far. I don't want another job like this right now, but once the family stuff is settled I may well be looking again, but not in this geographic area.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

CoinOp — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 21:31:38 -0800

So I quit smoking ... 11 months ago. It will be my first year being smoke free since 1986.

It's a big deal to me. I'm not a Fascist. Just looking for something fun to mark the occasion with.

minty fresh

eatdonuts — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 13:26:16 -0800

I am trying to quit smoking. I have never been a heavy smoker, but maybe most a half pack, at least 2 per day over a sporatic 10 years (year off here and there). During the day I'm cutting down by using only one or two those 2MG low dosage suckers from over-the-counter... but at night (so far, haven't been doing this long) I have had a few cigarettes. Am I killing myself? You are not my doctor, I know.

Etiquette in quitting a temp job?

Anonymous — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 05:49:11 -0800

Answers to a previous question note that it's probably OK to cut and run from your run-of-the-mill temp job. But given that I know exactly when I want my last day to be, is it worth giving at least a little bit of prior notice? I'm obviously not that important. But should I give some notice to my staffing agent, at the very least? Employment is at-will, and my main concern is that they'll let me go the second they find out about my intent. I don't want to miss out on that last week or two of work -- and pay.

But at the same time, am I going to annoy someone at the temp agency if I only quit a day or two before? I'm filling one of dozens of the same temp-to-hire (the agency knew I wasn't going to be permanent) clerical position at the same company at the same facility in the same room, and I haven't seen anyone come and go for about a month now, given that new-hire training takes a few days. But I might want to go back to the same staffing agency (and maybe the same agent) for another job in the next few months. I really like this agency, despite the fact that it's, you know, an exploitative agency.

Would my last-second dash from my current job jeopardize those future opportunities (many are similarly temp-to-hire), or do staffing agents really care that little about temporarily flaky people like me?

Got notice?

Anonymous — Sun, 01 Mar 2009 16:52:40 -0800

How do I find a new job when I'm required to give three months notice from the old, unrelated one? Last year I came to the end of a fixed-term contract in the creative sector. Despite having offers for other contract work in the same sector I got recession cold-feet and decided to take a permanent post in a corporate organisation instead - a lot more cash, an easier commute, stability etc. However, 8 months in I'm going a bit crazy and realise I made a mistake. The environment is wrong for me (and me for it) and while I can fake it well enough for now I'm aware that the short-term wins are being gained at the expense of carving out a long-term, sustainable career in the area I love. If I were in my twenties I'd just sit it out for a while but I'm early 30s now and don't want to waste time.

The plan is to back to the type of work I had in the contract position but am a bit hamstrung by my corporate job's three-month notice period. I'm sending out applications for jobs but hearing nothing back at all, despite getting interviews and work offers before. I know there is more competition generally now but I also think my current job and salary is off-putting, and the notice period I'd need to give is too hefty.

I have four months worth of savings (no kids or debt) so there is a potential to quit now, and start serious hunting, maybe even doing some volunteer work to get back in there, but all the advice for leaving jobs in a recession is don't do it until you have something else lined up, so would this be madness?

Alternatively I could ignore the required notice - but is this legal (I'm in the UK)? Would I get a bad reference despite being a good employee, and if so, would this matter given my reasons for leaving? What approach should I take? Any thoughts welcome.

How do I get stale cigarette smoke out of my apartment?

jdruk — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 13:30:15 -0800

How do I get stale cigarette smoke out of my apartment? My husband and I quit smoking 1 month and 1 day ago. We feel much better now. :)

But we used to smoke in our apartment and, 1 month and 1 day later, it STILL smells like stale smoke. The smell is not overpowering, but it's there and it's gross. More importantly, the scent is still a trigger for cravings.

We've been keeping the windows open 24/7. We washed the floors and vacuumed the carpet. But the smokiness is still there.

Any advice on getting the smell out for good?

Life after dropping out of grad school?

Anonymous — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 19:46:28 -0800

So I finally did it - I dropped out of my PhD. What now? So I’ve had therapy, I’ve had medical leave, I’ve had personal leave, I’ve changed topics, I’ve sought advice from careers counsellors, study aids, academics… and I’ve finally admitted to myself that this is just not for me. I have little interest left in my field right now, let alone my topic. I don’t want a PhD, I hate the isolation of research and the pomposity of academia – I’ve only held out this long because I’ve been too afraid to admit I’m heading in the wrong direction, and have wanted to postpone the decision of what to do with my life for as long as possible. I don’t really have a clear idea of what else I’d like to do; work, obviously; travel, ideally; start acquiring some skills in a different area, hopefully. Get involved and make a social contribution somehow, I guess; the contribution and practical engagement I feel was so lacking in my research life. (I have a decent part-time job at the moment, and am actively applying / having interviews etc for others… but have no definite career map or goals whatsoever, really.)

I’m now in the exciting but scary position of having the “freedom” that I’ve been dreaming of all through my miserable grad school existence… and not knowing what to do with it. Leaving an institution where I’ve spent the better part of eight years, where I have a place, a position, a community, and a relative amount of status and privileges (well, relative to being unemployed I suppose), to launch alone into “the real world” – where all my academic skills and networking seem almost completely irrelevant and I’m competing for entry-level positions with fresh undergraduates who seem to still have their self-esteem at least partially intact. I seem to have finally burnt my bridges with my advisor, who appears disappointed (understandably) and even hostile after all the time and resources he's given to me... after depending on his approval for so long, I now feel alone and abandoned.

So has anyone got a story about walking away from their PhD and managing to “de-program” from the academic cult that tells me I’ve totally failed and my life will be filled with regret?

What I would like from the Hive Mind is some recommendations on how to smooth this transition, and to look forward to it with excitement and courage, rather than regret and fear. How do I get over the feeling that college is everything, that I’ve wasted years, and that life will be empty without those ever-present intellectual deadlines to keep me going? How do I start making the kind of step-by-step career decisions I should have made years ago, before I ever started grad school? Do I essentially pretend the last 8 years never happened & start over again?

Sorry for the vagueness of my questions but any input or advice is totally appreciated. I feel lost. Posted anonymously because I feel like a self-indulgent whiner.

Oh, and one more thing – my college has a new degree called a Master of Studies. The academic advisor has agreed to give me credit for my research work so far, such that I would only have do 6 months of further coursework in order to receive the Master of Studies. But is it logical to get a Masters, for no other reason than just to have “something to show” for the past few years? Or am I just repeating myself by getting a qualification I don’t necessarily need, just for the status of it? Am I falling into the same trap by feeling more education is “The Answer”? Should I just get the hell away from grad school & never look back?

Thanks in advance for your wisdom...

How much notice?

symbollocks — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 12:48:22 -0800

How much notice should I give before quitting my job? Do I tell them as soon as possible? or do I wait until two weeks before I leave? Something in between?

More info: I'm going on a long roadtrip starting in May. My job is a programming gig I got after interning at this place one summer. It's okay. Not the worst, not the best. It's the only programming job I've ever had so I'm trying to stay on good terms with them in case I should ever need a reference in the future.

Here's my main concern: It's a very small place (a dozen employees) and I'm the only programmer on the project I'm working on, so I'm afraid that if I don't give more than 2 weeks notice it will seem a bit rude that I didn't give them more time to find a replacement.

At the same time I'm nervous about telling them right now because they might try to ditch me, give up on the product I'm working on because it's not a very big earner, and then I'm out of a job before I'm ready.

Right now I'm thinking about something in between, like a month's notice. What do you think?

How to minimize damage leaving a toxic job?

crapmatic — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 19:51:27 -0800

I (Mrs. Crapmatic) accepted a job 7 months ago, thinking it was a great opportunity. It has turned out to be a toxic situation. I am miserable and want to quit, but I am afraid I will be scapegoated and end up with a (very much undeserved) bad reference. Can you please help me figure out the best exit strategy? I am the project manager of an utterly atrocious piece of software that desperately needs to be rebuilt from the ground up. This is a government job, with all the attendant wankery (of which I was blissfully unaware until now). My immediate supervisor is the original author of the software I now manage, which earned him an award some years ago, now prominently displayed on his desk. The bulk of the rest of our large organization hates having to use this software, and I am ashamed to have my name connected with it. I'm sure when it was initially released it was fine for its purpose, but it has evolved into something that is so full of holes and so poorly put together that it almost never works. I have been instructed not to use the word "bug" when documenting changes, and to generally spin this thing as good, even though everyone knows it's a mess. I would love to fix it, and have the skills to do so, but due to the organizational constraints that's not going to happen.

To make matters worse, my supervisor has the office's top manager wrapped around his finger, and is the most extreme control freak micromanager I've ever encountered in my 22 years of work experience. I have regularly overheard him putting down the rest of us to the manager when we aren't there to defend ourselves.

An example:
Manager: "Person X says this is coming along well and will probably be ready to ship on December 15th." My supervisor: :LOUD, scornful laugh: "Well, blah blah blah..." ...bunch of run-on irrelevant garbage about why it will actually be later, and how he is so much better at estimating these things than anyone else because he knows everything. Manager tunes out but buys into this. In truth it would be on time if he would not interfere constantly.

Another example:
My supervisor (to manager): "Yeah, I've been trying to coach Person X and Person Y on how to collaborate, you know, how to email and talk to these people, but they just aren't there yet. The HQ people only want to talk to me. I'm trying to coach them, though." Total BS. He literally tells us not to contact people, to let him do it. He expects us to run every email I send by him first. This guy is younger than I am, and he talks at people non-stop for 20 minutes at a time, not stopping even when they roll their eyes or try to interrupt, and he's telling the manager I don't know how to talk to people?

The guy isn't even technically my supervisor, he just acts like it. Unfortunately he's the only one with the technical knowledge of the labyrinthine software that can help me with support problems, so it's impossible for me to divorce myself from him. He treats me like an idiot, immediately and reflexively shooting down every idea or suggestion I come up with. No exaggeration.

I know for a fact that the majority of my co-workers feel equally mistreated and angry, but none of them seem to have the nerve to do much about it. I have had a conversation with one of the lower level managers, and sent a very direct email to them as well, detailing the problems I'm having and stating that because I have to spend 50% of my time placating him and he will not let me act on my own I am unable to do a good job and demonstrate my abilities to them. Not much came of that. The top manager did reach out to me a little, but didn't directly address the problem, which continues. My "supervisor" has been there 10 years, and has manipulated the management into thinking he is indispensable. In fact, despite his expertise, his constant interference with various projects causes the rest of the office's work to suffer a great deal.

I have had only great references and comments on my work in the past. I am 100% certain this is not my fault, and if I could figure out a way to fix the root problem I would. But I do not think that's going to happen. I want to cut my losses and quit. I feel that the longer I stay there, the worse my reputation will suffer by association with such poor quality work. But I am afraid that if I simply resign, then my "supervisor" will scapegoat me when there is backlash against how bad the software is, when it's actually a result of years of his poor design before I got there. I feel that he wanted to hire me specifically to have someone else to dump all this on. The management is not very involved, and they get most of their information from my supervisor. I don't want a bad reference. I'm in a small field. Should I appeal to the head manager again and tell him to talk to other people one on one for corroboration? Should I simply resign and hope for the best? What's the best way for me to get out of this situation with the least damage to my reputation? I hope some supervisor types out there can give me some advice. I'm at my wits end. Thanks in advance.

Looking for hypnotist/smoking help

gogomickey — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 06:26:58 -0800

Quit smoking filter: Can anyone recommend a hypnotist in the DC metro area to quit smoking? I've tried Zyban, Chantix, patches, gum, cold turkey etc .... but nothing has worked as I climb the wall after day one no matter what I try. Any recommendations would be appreciated. Also wondering about the cost and any hypnotism success stories.

What can I expect when I quit drinking in a couple of weeks?

2or3whiskeysodas — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 05:49:42 -0800

What can I expect when I quit drinking in a couple of weeks? I guess I'm what you'd call a heavy drinker? I have 2-3 drinks per night, more when there's an occasion (rock show, out drinking w/ friends, etc.). There have been a couple of periods in my life during which it's been more like 4-6 drinks per night. That's what I'm at at the moment. It's not causing me any problems, not even hangovers, but I've been meaning to try taking an extended vacation from drinking for a while, and having quit smoking about a month ago (shit yeah!) I've got some good momentum going.

So yeah, I'm actually pretty stoked for this little experiment and don't anticipate it being unmanageably difficult. I guess I have two questions:

1. Outside of some initial insomnia and maybe some irritability, what else can I expect, physically or mentally?
2. I haven't decided on a duration and am open to suggestion. Definitely no less than 3 months. 6? 12? What do you think?

Quitting Smokes while living with a smoking partner

rainbaby — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 18:49:16 -0800

Another quitting smoking question - has anyone made it while living with a smoking partner? What's realistic? What worked for you? I am motivated (again) to quit, but my partner isn't. We live by the tennant that one can't control another person, and if I ask him for a cigarrette, or take one from the stash in the house, he, rightly, I think, says nothing. I set a quit date as last Monday, and I have cut down (one to six, average three) per day. I have read and re-read Carr's The Easy Way To Stop Smoking and it makes sense to me. Any specific experinces or advice in this situation welcome.

Giving my...one week...notice?

palindromic — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 18:01:17 -0800

I've been given an offer I should really not refuse. Problem: the project starts in one week. I've been working in a small, privatized department of a local hospital, which consists of myself as patient advocate, a receptionist, a manager/biller/overseer and the physicians. I have worked there for five years, and have always seen this job as the way I pay my bills rather than a vocation or lifelong career. I am a student, and they are aware that I would not be staying indefinitely, and that I have science-y aspirations.

My goals right now are to finish my bachelor's, and start a graduate program in epidemiology either this summer or in the fall. To that end, I have been lucky enough to get a job as a research assistant in an epidemiology lab that will last me for the rest of my undergrad, is within walking distance, and generally is a good thing for me. The one caveat is that they need me to start in a week, because that is when the various lab samples will be coming in. I will not get the job if I can't be there in one week.

I seriously hate my current job, and would like nothing more than to walk in with a tiny little oompa band to blast an anthem of quitting, but no, I would like to maintain something of a positive reference from this place, since I've sunk in five years, been a good employee and so on.

So, yes: How bad would a one-week notice be if you had an employee quit with one week of notice? Does it matter that my job is not that hard? That many, many people in this state are looking for work? That I'd still have two days out of the week that I could come in to train my replacement if needed? Does this blow five years of good honest labor?

As a bonus, I think the physicians would be quite sympathetic to me, and understand more where I'm coming from. It's really the manager/biller who will be the most put-off. Would I be able to go over her head and use the physician staff as a reference for future jobs even though she is my direct supervisor?

What should I know going into a conversation about nicotine addiction?

parmanparman — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 16:32:31 -0800

I am seeing my doctor tomorrow about quitting smoking. I have tried quitting so many times I can no longer keep count. But nicotine has this tremendous hold on me. I have smoked for almost four years and would like to see my 29th birthday as a turning point. What questions should I be asking my doctor and what questions should I be prepared to answer?

How to quit medicine and still be on my feet?

adoarns — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 07:34:49 -0800

What can an overworked English BA do now that he has realized Medicine was a ginormous mistake and he wants out of his residency? I was initially an undergrad education major, then decided I wanted to "challenge" myself and did premed on top of an English/Writing BA.

Now I've been to medical school--partially scholarship-funded, so I'm only ~$100,000 in the hole (my colleagues are much, much deeper). I did my intern year at a marvelous place that was just tolerable enough I could get through it for all the supposed benefits a completed intern year gives you, such as eligibility for a license, real work experience, etc.

The whole time in intern year though, and even before, I strongly suspected medicine was not right for me. Now I have started a new residency and it's horrible. I can't stand being there and I can't see toughing through three years of it just to be an attending physician, which I no longer think I'd even like.

Really, I'm tired of climbing up the medical professional hierarchy and each rung hoping it'll be better and finding instead that it's much worse.

So, but what are my options if I quit? I'm married and it would be hard to adjust to a salary less than $40,000 (she's not working yet).

Yes, the job market sucks and I should be glad just to have a place that pays me, but I truly find every single day execrable and without redeeming qualities. If I go on like this, I'll be a miserable, depressed, divorced, and alcoholic grump.

They say medical training really only prepares you to be a physician--but what can I look for in a moderately large metropolitan area with the heterogeneous education I've got?

refreshrefreshrefresh

mustcatchmooseandsquirrel — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 10:26:29 -0800

Should I quit my job? I've been working at an IT Help Desk/Computer Lab type job for the last three years. It is pretty boring aside from refreshing AskMeFi relationship questions and fixing printers and software. Since I graduated from college, I am only allowed to keep working there until August 20. I really want to just quit after next week because I've come to dread having to sit at a computer for nine hours a day with not much else to do.

The thing is, if I didn't quit, I would make ~$400 in the extra two weeks I'd be working. That's not a trivial amount of money for me but I don't necessarily need it. Additionally, the job is slightly changing management at the end of this week so the future seems annoying at best.

So, metafilter, how much is $400 really worth? Should I quit my job or just stick it out for an extra two weeks?

All we are saying is give meat a chance.

Item — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 12:48:59 -0800

After 13 years of vegetarianism - my entire adult life - I've decided to start eating meat. Looking for advice in the form of books, websites, and personal anecdotes. I stopped eating meat for a number of reasons. Rebellion was certainly one of them, as were health and the fact that I was never crazy about meat to begin with. Though I told myself that politics came into play in my decision, I'm not sure that they ever really did. I flirted with veganism for a few periods as well, but could never really buy into it.

As time wore on, my vegetarianism became mostly an issue of discipline and self control, and I was damn good at it. I never cheated. I actually let myself go hungry a few times rather than eat what was available to me at the time when it contained meat, which, looking back, was not only rude but also a bit dangerous (I'm hypoglycemic).

I've done a lot of thinking about it lately and have had some interesting conversations regarding veganism/vegetarianism being a privileged choice, something that is keeping me from experiencing the whole of cultures I'm interested in. I've also been ridiculously low on energy and my hypoglycemia's not getting any better. For these reasons and a few other personal ones I've decided that I want to try giving meat a place in my diet. I broke the barrier last night in a way that I don't plan on making a habit of - with a cheeseburger from a local chain. Damn. I still feel full today, though not sick or nauseated. I don't plan on eating meat again for one full week, at which time I already know what I'm going to have - BBQ. After that, a few times a week at most. I have no desire to eat it every day and seriously doubt I'll develop one. I really dislike fish, for what it's worth, though some other forms of seafood might end up appealing to me.

What I'm looking for is personal stories of going back to meat to gain some insight. I'm also interested in books or other resources that'll help me maintain a healthy diet integrating flesh and non-flesh.

One last thing: currently, I am a manager of a very strict vegan restaurant, a successful place that is employed by carnivores and herbivores alike. They know I'm not vegan - should I mention my new, carnivorous ways if it won't hurt my job security? I know, you can't answer that unless you knew every last detail about the place and the people involved, but throw me an opinion if you'd like. Though it hasn't really played into my decision, I've always been for personal choice and have never approved of militant vegans, something I come into contact with now on a daily basis. Any suggestions as to what to say should I 'come out' other than 'it's a personal matter' are also welcome here.