Love is blind? I am a crappy friend?

keep it under cover — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 04:56:12 -0800

My friend is getting married this summer. I have concerns but I've kept my mouth shut... should I say something? Help me to be a good friend. My friend is 20 years old. She met her fiance 7 months ago. They'd been friends for 4 months when left to move back to Europe (he was at our university on exchange for one semester), 1 1/2 months of which they spent as friends with benefits. A couple of weeks after he had moved back to Europe, they decided to make a go of it long distance. They've been in a long distance relationship for 3 months now. She recently announced that they are now engaged and will be getting married this summer.

It's not just the fact that she's very young and this has been quite the whirlwind courtship... he's also the first boyfriend she's ever had, and she lost her virginity with him. Neither of them are finished school. In fact, my friend is dropping out of university now to move to Europe to be with him (she's switching to another degree, one she can do by correspondence with a different college). Neither of them plan on holding down jobs while going to school full time (my friend's current job is walking her grandmother's dog). She's planning to rely on hand outs from her parents. He's planning to rely on a small amount of savings from his summer job.

Her family is aware of her intentions, and they seem supportive. His family has yet to meet her, and I'm not sure whether they are aware of how serious it's gotten.

They're both GREAT people, two of the kindest, most generous people I know. I was thrilled for my friend that she finally found love, so I hesitated to rain on her parade by bombarding her with questions about the practicalities. She had talked about marriage from the start, which did concern me a tiny bit, but I wrote it off as excited puppy-love fantasizing about the future. By the time she told me they were actually dead serious about getting married (just a couple of weeks ago), they had already ordered the rings from the jeweler. I bit my tongue and congratulated her.

Today we met up with a mutual friend who we hadn't seen in a long time, so there was lots of catching up to do, and my friend retold the whole story of her romance. The mutual friend did ask a few questions, and it became painfully obvious how little my friend and her fiance have thought about the reality of marriage and being on their own - all of the above information regarding the financial aspects of her move only came out today. It also came out that her fiance hasn't actually been accepted to the university in the city where they plan on moving to yet (he's "pretty confident" that he will be)... and she has yet to officially register for her own college program.

I've been feeling terrible ever since. When she first told me two weeks ago, I figured that since her family was supportive and I'm a good friend but not her closest, it wasn't my place to say anything about it. But in hindsight, I think I should have...

I'm several years older than her. My boyfriend is the same age as me. We've both had plenty of previous romantic and sexual experiences. My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship, so we are proof that while LDRs are difficult, they're not impossible. My boyfriend and I started out in nearly identical circumstances, but we've been together for 2 1/2 years. Our plan is for him to make the move sometime this year after we've both finished our degrees and have some work experience in our fields (he is currently a junior analyst with a prestigious global firm, I am graduating from law school with a secure articling position). Despite how clearly committed and "ready" we are, we have no inclinations to go rushing to the altar.

I know what first love feels like, how it feels to truly believe in your heart that love so strong could never end. I know the heartbreak of realizing that love is not always forever. I've known her since she was 17. I'm supposed to be a role model of sorts, and I feel like I blew it.

Should I say anything now, or is it too late? If I do bring it up, what can I possibly say? She's moving away in ONE WEEK. Help!

Don't make that puppy dog face at me. Help me choose the ultimate shelter / rescue dog!

jkl345 — Mon, 28 May 2007 13:09:37 -0800

I'm looking to get a dog in the next month from a shelter / rescue league. I'm wondering: - How can you tell which one is 'the right one'? - How can you make sure to pick one that won't snap and eat a baby? (I'm leaning towards puppies/younger to try and combat this, there's a lot of dog fighting and douchebags in Florida.) - What breeds do you recommend? - What breeds do you recommend staying away from? - Without the parents on site, how do you assess if an animal is going to be healthy? (I know the shelters do basic checks, but ... I get really attached to my animals and to have one die prematurely would be really rough) I love dogs, have grown up with them all my life (samoyeds, specifically) and now that I'm doing the 'adult' thing, settled with a fenced yard and financially secure I'm ready to bring another pooch into my life.

I'd like to get one from a local rescue league or animal shelter but before I walk in and just start falling in love with every single cutie behind chain links, I'd like to query the hive mind for logical suggestions on finding 'the perfect shelter dog.'

Specifically:
- How can you tell which one is 'the right one'?
- How can you make sure to pick one that won't snap and eat a baby? (I'm leaning towards puppies/younger to try and combat this, there's a lot of dog fighting and douchebags in Florida.)
- What breeds do you recommend?
- What breeds do you recommend staying away from?
- Without the parents on site, how do you assess if an animal is going to be healthy? (I know the shelters do basic checks, but ... I get really attached to my animals and to have one die prematurely would be really rough)

I have friends that volunteer at two local shelters and I have joined them on a few days to help out and meet some of the animals but I just fall in love with dogs too quickly. So, I've outlined some logical requirements that I'm really going to try and stick too (and not just adopt the first puppy to lick my nose).:

Must haves:
- Must be friendly with kids/people/other dogs
- No purse dogs or breeds known to be yappers, crazy chewers or biters
- Some sort of character or uniqueness
- Be healthy

Very importants:
- Young/puppy or really a gem (no older than 5 years though, I think)
- A breed that's traditionally intelligent, loyal and trainable
- Easy grooming is a big plus
- Medium to large sized

Would be cools:
- Dogs that like water are cool
- Prefer black or darker in color, (although not a huge deal)
- Prefer female, (again, not a huge deal)

I've been reading a few books from the library on adopting and different breeds but I'm not set on any one breed. (I realize, it'll likely be a mix coming from a shelter and I realize the more I research this the more the environment can really determine if a dog is good with kids/other pets). One thing that is important is I'd like something unique (in Florida the shelters seem like there's a state requirement that at least 60 percent of the dogs be Pit Bull or part pit at all times).

As of right now, I'm really interested in something like a Shar Pei or maybe a Corgi. But I'm open to all suggestions for breeds to consider! So please share! (Keep in mind the preferred wishes above.) Any suggestions, warnings or feedback is very, very welcome! Thanks!

Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with puppylove

Love is blind? I am a crappy friend?

Don't make that puppy dog face at me. Help me choose the ultimate shelter / rescue dog!