Why do we find people annoying?

goseethesphinx — Wed, 21 Feb 2007 22:03:59 -0800

I've heard it said that the reason we don't like certain people is because they display certain traits in OURSELVES that we don't like. Do you find this to be true? Where does this theory come from? A friend of mine told me that no matter how different an annoying person might be from me, deep down the reason I don't like him/her is because they remind me of a part of myself that I don't like.

This is difficult to think about because: a) it forces me to compare myself to people I don't like, which with all my pride is painful... and b) usually I dislike people for many reasons, not just one. However, it seems that while some people are universally annoying, others who bother me don't seem to rub everyone the wrong way. Why is that?

My friend would explain it this way: everyone subconsciously dislikes different aspects of themselves. It's only when another person embodies those aspects that we begin to dislike them or find them annoying. Naturally this leads to everyone getting along with a given person with varying degrees of ease. For example, if I have never struggled with my weight, I may not find a person's frequent talking about calories super annoying. (I may not like it, or it may be boring, but it won't make my skin crawl.) However someone else may find such behaviour VERY annoying -- because they have their own conscious or subconscious insecurity about their weight.

Where does this theory come from? In your experience, is it true?

Looking for songs and movies that can teach abusers about relationships

Alison — Fri, 29 Dec 2006 07:01:58 -0800

Looking for popular songs and movies that can be used to educate people in the system for abuse related crimes. These examples will be used to facilitate discussions about relationship boundaries, male entitlement, and inappropriate behavior. A friend runs group counseling sessions to reform/educate male criminals convicted of crimes related to personal relationships. Most are physical/sexual abusers attending these sessions as a condition of their release. She has a book to help run the group. However, the book is not right for many of her attendees as many have a 8th grade level education and are unable to keep up. The examples will be used as a shortcut to help them learn about appropriate behavior using things they are already familar with.

My friend is looking for songs, movies and other media to help facilitate group discussion. The clips won't be used as examples of right and wrong, but as conversation tools. She is looking for things that the attendees will likely already know and remember and is especially interested in appropriate songs from the hip hop and country music genres. Because this is job related the content should be at about a PG-13 level or below. Also, we are not looking for a discussion about how well criminal reform works. Save it for the blue.

Here is one example of a song she plans on using:

The Temptations
"Ain't Too Proud To Beg"

...If I have to sleep on your doorstep
All night and day just to keep you from walkin' away
Let your friends laugh, even this I can stand
Because I want to keep you any way I can

Ain't too proud to beg, sweet darlin'
Please don't leave me girl, don't you go
Ain't to proud to plead, baby, baby
Please don't leave me girl, don't you go...

The more well known the movie/song is to the general population the better. This means that the Mountain Goats probably wouldn't be appropriate.

Here is another example with appropriate content, but rejected because of obscurity:

Weezer
"No One Else"

...I want a girl who will laugh for no one else
When I'm away she puts her makeup on the shelf
When I'm away she never leaves the house
I want a girl who laughs for no one else...

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Why do we find people annoying?

Looking for songs and movies that can teach abusers about relationships