Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with psychology

What are the outward behaviors that a couple display when they are about to break up?

tel3path — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 09:28:43 -0800

What are the outward behaviors that a couple display when they are about to break up? I'm looking for, if possible, scholarly articles on any outward behaviours characteristically displayed by couples as a prelude to breaking up. I'm referring to public behaviours rather than private.

"Wanting to fail" book ?

southof40 — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 16:31:04 -0800

Book about "wanting to fail" ? Sometime ago in a previous ask.metafilter thread a book was referenced about people who "want to fail" in things they try to do (or perhaps "feel they should fail") and so arrange things so that they do.

I realise this is the sub-text of many pysch/self-help books but my recollection is that this was a specific book on just this subject and that more than one person in the tread cited it (so perhaps therefore it's fairly well known).

Would welcome suggestions as to what it might have been. Thanks.

Learning to empathize

Anonymous — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 19:49:16 -0800

How can I understand, and empathize, with my fiancee's psychological issues? And other difficult-to-articulate questions. Posting anonymously as this is a fairly private issue I'd rather not have linked to my username.

Background info: I'd say I'm a well-adjusted, psychologically healthy male. I was raised believing in the power of the mind, with "anything's possible if you put your mind to it" as the family mantra. I'm a positive thinker and my own life has been shaped by discipline and self-control. I'm pretty stoic and always try to keep my emotions in check (I rarely cry or get angry, but I'm also upbeat and happy most of the time). Because these values have been reinforced and proven effective for me so many times over, I consider them virtues. I'm a big proponent of setting audacious goals, following my dreams, and being a self-made man.

The downside to this mindset is my difficulty empathizing with my fiancee. She takes two different medications, one for ADD and one for anxiety. This is probably a topic for another AskMe, but these two ailments are things I've always been skeptical of. I guess it's because I have no firsthand experience with them. I tend to agree with people like Thomas Szasz and the "anti-psychiatry" movement that these conditions are real but not necessarily best treated medically. Perhaps they're conditioned by upbringing, compounded by years of self-fulfilling diagnoses, special ed assignments, overstimulation, and psychosomatic confirmation bias. I realize this is controversial, and I don't want to debate it in this thread. Just trying to paint a picture of where I'm coming from.

My instinct, my deep desire, is to try to wean my fiancee off her meds (which she freely admits to hating for a number of reasons) and transition to a better-structured, calmer lifestyle. To help her rein in her issues sans pharmaceuticals. I feel some urgency, because doing nothing is unsustainable in the long term -- she continues to increase her dosage every few years just to get the same effects. How can someone follow that trajectory for a lifetime? It pains me to see her chemically addicted to mind-altering drugs that, as far as I can tell, only mask the symptoms instead of addressing the underlying cause. I'm particularly concerned about side effects that may manifest when we try for kids in a few years.

Anyway, that's a discussion for another time. Let me get to my real question.

When we talk about going off the meds, my fiancee agrees with my motivations but is terrified at the thought. It's not just the addiction talking -- she's fully convinced that her issues are 100% chemical and that there are no viable alternatives to prescription drugs. This is where I find it very hard to put myself in her shoes: she insists that she has no self-control, that it's clinically impossible for her to take any responsibility for her actions. This is contrary to everything I've ever believed about free will and sounds to my ears like pessimism or defeatism. She's playing the victim and refusing to even TRY to resist whatever urges pop into her head. She feels like it's out of her control but I have trouble believing it really is.

An example... something unexpected happens and her anxiety flares up. I try to calm her down. "It's okay," I say softly. I put my arm around her and breathe slowly so she can synchronize with me. I remind her that it's not the end of the world, that we can improvise and work around the obstacle. Her reaction is unexpected to me. She gets angry. "I can't calm down," she snaps. She pulls away from me sharply and does erratic things. It's like my attempts to help are useless, anything I do or say only aggravates the problem. Later she apologizes and tells me that her "brain was going very fast" and she simply couldn't process any stimuli at the time. Trying to help only snowballed the problem and she got angry with me for adding to the noise in her head.

She spends a lot of time angry or worried, even on her medication. I desperately want to help her get past these emotions, which will eat her up inside and make her miserable; training myself to overcome them was one of the best decisions I ever made. I want my fiancee to share my optimism and desire for adventure. I love her and just want to see her happy, not just momentarily but as a general frame of reference for her outlook on life. It's just healthier, for both of us as we head into marriage.

We've done pre-marital counseling, which I thought was great. But all of the counselor's advice built off my supposition that talking through issues in a logical, respectful manner is effective. Unfortunately, in the heat of the moment, clear-headed discussion is impossible (which frustrates me to no end, because I try endlessly to work through every bump in the road, just as was recommended, and seem to end up worse for my efforts).

I'm sorry this is so long. I don't really know how to frame this as a question but I'm getting exasperated. How can I help my fiancee? How can I come to understand her feeling of powerlessness? How can I actually make progress toward helping her overcome it?

My mind is open to new ways of looking at mental health, but it's still difficult for me. I feel that on some subconscious level, she's just lacking confidence in herself, being stubborn, and refusing to take responsibility for her behavior. She's not doing it intentionally, I know. If you think I'm wrong (and I'm sure many here will), how can I internalize the fact that some people literally cannot will themselves through adversity the way I've always done? It's almost impossible for me to accept, as it flies in the face of a lifetime of personal experience and seems ludicrous to me.

Any advice or related info is much appreciated. Throwaway email at empathytrouble@yahoo.com if you need it.

Eye contact

punkfloyd — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 10:33:50 -0800

Why do (American) women tend to avoid casual eye contact with men as they walk by, enter an elevator, etc... I know there is the obvious issue of not wanting to appear “interested” or send a sexual signal...but does that explain everything? Please take a leap of faith and trust me when I say I ask ONLY from a sociological/ psychological perspective...and not from a “hey why won’t that chick look at me” point of view. I am happily married and not on the prowl! Just wonder what factors condition women to be this way. I mean, when two men walk past as strangers they commonly make eye contact and offer a quick greeting. In my experience, women rarely do the same.

PhD Admissions Question

Anonymous — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 21:24:45 -0800

Help me understand PhD admissions Hi,

A few months ago I finally decided that I want to go for a PhD in psychology. My background is in biology and I don't have research experience or a ton of formal coursework in psychology (although I do have chemistry research experience), so I went in knowing that my chances are probably not great for the programs I'm looking at (top 15 or so mostly). I was Phi Beta Kappa at a good undergrad, my GRE scores are significantly higher than the median in the programs I'm looking at, and I think my statements of purpose are pretty good. So I'm very well-qualified except that I don't have a degree in psychology, and if I was applying to biology programs I don't think I'd have much trouble.

I'm skeptical about my chances because I've been reading through the admissions sites on the departments I'm interested in, and most of them say they get like 300 applications for 10-15 spots. With such a low admissions rate it seems like you would have to be perfect in every respect to get in.

So I have two separate questions:

-First, who gets in to top-20 PhD programs in psychology? What kind of background do you have to have, given their admissions rates? Or, in those 300 applicants are there a bunch of people who just apply for the heck of it, so it looks more competitive than it actually is?

-Second, I qualify for a special fellowship that funds PhD students for 5 years. It is specifically for people with disabilities. I haven't got the fellowship yet, because you have to apply along with a research advisor, but I would have a very good chance of getting it. Lots of admissions sites say that they have to deny qualified applicants every year because they have limited funding. Is it appropriate to contact professors in the department and mention that I probably would be able to bring in my own funding? If so, would the ability to be funded from outside improve admissions chances, or is this a non-factor?

I need a sense of urgency.

Kiwi — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 13:57:00 -0800

Like most people, I work much more efficiently when there is a looming deadline to focus my mind. Has anyone found a way to 'trick' their minds into thinking a deadline is more imminent than it is, to increase productivity?

What do I do with my therapy issues?

Anonymous — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 13:42:56 -0800

My Therapist Lied To Me. Given My Past, It Was Very Important That She Not Do That. What Next? I am at a cross-roads in my therapy. I am a male, working through issues of betrayal and trust stemming from extreme psychological abuse by my mother, a narcissist or a borderline personality disorder person. In short, she was verbally abusive to me and everyone around her everytime she felt anxiety. She would explode in anger quite often and we would tiptoe around these things. Although she occasionally was physically abusive, the real crowning glory was that when she was feeling depressed I would go up to her room, starting about age 6, to console her, where she would usually threaten to kill herself. This behavior continued for a long time, and would come out whenever or wherever she needed a distraction from difficult emotions. I consevatively estimate that between the ages of 6 and 22, she threatened to kill herself to me directly or over the telephone about 1,200 times. This number is unfortunately not an exaggeration, but does include multiple times in the same conversation. Needless to say, I have abandonment issues.

I have had a very hard time trusting women since then, both because of what happened and because I tended to select women for dating who were not very good to me. I've had two real relationships in 20 years. Both cheated on me, with the second one far worse than the first.

These periods of relationships come between long periods of me dating absolutely no one, because I cannot bring myself to trust females. I have become much better at spotting these situations and have gotten to the point where people like that are far less attractive to me than they once were because I am learning to respect myself. This is because of the good work I have done with this therapist.

I have been to therapy several times over many years. All have been productive. This last time, I have been going to see therapists at a local university because of funds issues. (I own my own business and things are tight now). I went through three male therapists at this university which were not particularly helpful, so I requested a female therapist. I got a female therapist who is a post-doc. This therapist was gold. She helped me work through my issues and I learned to deal with my anxiety and anger, which turned out to be reactions to the real problem, a deep sense of toxic shame which infected every part of my image of myself. I have been working through that sense of shame for a few months now and things were starting to get better. We have been working together for a year and a half now. I have sessions twice a week.

The type of therapy is psychodynamic, so there is a deep emphasis on the client-therapist relationship as a method for working through these issues.

Approximately 6 or 7 weeks ago, concerned about how long this takes, and very happy with my current therapist, I asked her how long she was going to be staying at the university, given that she was a post-doc. She responded that she was going to be there at least through June and was considering staying on another year.

Approximately 3-4 weeks ago, she informed me that she was 4 months pregnant and that therapy was going to be terminated with her by the third week in February and that she would not return. I felt funny about it, said it was fine, but I ignored a feeling that something was terribly wrong. What should have come up in my mind, but for some reason didn't, was the fact that only 2-3 weeks earlier, she had said that she would be here until June when she knew full well that was not the case.

Frankly, I had been suddenly feeling way better for about a month since then. But Monday, we were discussing this and she said that perhaps I was doing well because I had "checked out" of the therapy and was not working as hard because she had said she was leaving. We said we would think about it.

Suddenly, I was not doing well. Tuesday was a bad day for me. That night as I sat in bed I wrote a long E-mail to myself on my Blackberry. I admitted that I was afraid about her leaving and what the effects would be on me. I felt better about it.

Today we had a session. As we discussed the matter, It suddenly came to me. She had lied. Despite knowing that she was not going to be there until June, she flat-out lied. A trivial omission in a situation between friends, but a gigantic dagger pointed right at the heart of a client-therapist relationship where I had learned to be completely honest and open with her and had gained so much and where trust with women was a huge issue. We discussed the matter. She became uncomfortable when I pointed out that she must have known that she was not telling the truth to me when she said those things. She admitted it was true and stated it was a mistake that she kept from me because she didn't want to jinx the baby and wasn't sure of her plans regarding maternity leave or quitting. The issue of having lied to me had apparently come up in discussions with her supervisor. As the session came to an end, I asked her why she didn't tell me right away, correct herself, or at least when she realized that I was "checking out," that maybe I wasn't consciously aware that I had been lied to. Her answers were evasive, as she tried to keep my focus on my rising sense of anger and betrayal as she thought it was important.

She stated it was very important that we talk it out and think through this next time. I did not answer and left the room.

I called my aunt, a professor of psychology at a major midwestern university and we talked about the matter. Other than her telling me I did need to not run away from these feelings of hurt, anger and betrayal, we did not go into a lot of detail.

Right now I feel like I cannot trust her. She didn't have to lie and could have said she didn't know. She had multiple opportunities, including immediately after telling me she was there at least until June, to let me know that she wasn't sure without giving the reason. She could have immediately said she mispoke, or corrected it at any one of a number of points. And most importantly, once she had told me that she was pregnant, she could have said that she wasn't truthful with me before and that she was sorry for not being honest with me, but that she was afraid of jinxing her baby. What also hurts is that earlier in the session, I had been reading aloud from the E-mail I sent myself about regarding my fears of changing therapists and it was chock full of how wonderful a therapist she was and that she had done such a bang up job up to that point. She asked that I send that E-mail message to her and suddenly gave me her E-mail address to me which normally she's not supposed to do.

I feel angry hurt and betrayed. I'm also quite angry that her supervisor did nothing to step in and correct the situation and let it fester. I have tried and tried and tried to learn to trust the female figures in my life and I feel so set back by this, so drained, so hurt.

And I don't know where to go next. I cannot afford "real" therapy right now. There are others at the facility that could work with me, and I was scheduled to go with someone else in March now anyway. Do I drop this therapist right now? I really want to work with a woman on this issue and what if they don't have one? Can I trust that the supervisor will not screw up again? I am angry hurt and betrayed and I'm not sure how to deal with all of this. It felt wonderful to be able to be open with a female therapist and to share with her feelings I had spent a long time hiding from women because of what I thought were irrational fears.

Thank you in advance for your answers.

Deviant psychology books?

stinkycheese — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 10:56:42 -0800

I'm interested in suggestions for books on psychology, particularly deviant psychology. I'm not taking a degree, and I don't have access to an academic library, but I am looking for fairly academic works.

Teacher pretends to be a student on the first day of class: where is this idea from?

solipsophistocracy — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 01:37:59 -0800

It is the first day of class and the instructor does not show up. The members of the class discuss their options, and when the first person starts to leave, one of the "students" stands up and announces that she is in fact the teacher. Is this a campus legend? A scene from a sitcom? An actual demonstration? I know that I've heard of this before, but I can't remember where. I have spent a lot of time with ole goog, but to no avail. Where can I find out more about this exercise (or a fictional depiction of it)?

I'm teaching a cognitive science class this summer, and I have always sort of wanted to do this. I get mistaken for an undergrad pretty frequently, so I think I could pull it off appearance-wise.

It's an upper level class, and probably not too big (20-30 students), so I think there would definitely be at least some discussion before the first person decides to leave. I can see how this could go horribly wrong as far as setting the tone for the teacher-student relationship is concerned. On the other hand, I think it might also provoke a neat discussion about information processing under conditions of uncertainty.

If you've had an experience like this, please share it.

Where can I learn more about any sort of precedent for this kind of exercise?

Note: I'm not talking about the anthropology professor who enrolled as an undergrad and posed as a student for a semester. I'm looking for info on an in class demonstration.

Tell me about careers involving psychological reserach please!

tweedle — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 11:52:30 -0800

If I'm interested in research psychology, what can I go into for a career? I posted a previous question about a week ago about going into marketing research. Feel free to talk about that if you have any insights, but I want to know what my other options are this time.

Basically, I have no experience, but I think I would enjoy psychological research. I enjoy seeing the results of studies and I think I would also enjoy conducting them. This is the most interesting aspect of psychology to me and I right now I am probably majoring in psychology and minoring in marketing and statistics.

I don't think I would enjoy teaching or being a professor, so I don't really see how I can make this into a career.

I think I am a very analytical person and I like seeing statistical data, at least of things I'm interested in (like psychology).

So, what can I do as a career? I'm a sophomore in college right now in the US. Are you interested in the same things? If so, what do you find enjoyable about your career? Any insight would be helpful.

Help me get over my stupid complexes so I can enjoy/succeed in college academics/life.

randomname25 — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 22:17:59 -0800

I'm finally on my own and liberal arts school should be the place for me. But I'm still approaching my coursework from the standpoint of "how little can I do and how late can I do it and still not utterly fail," and it's making me hate myself. This is very long, and for that I am sorry. Since I'm talking about a psychological problem it's hard for me to determine which details are important and which aren't.

I'm a sophomore at a small liberal arts school. I went to a Montessori elementary school, where almost no homework was assigned, and started public school in fifth grade, where instantly a ton of homework was assigned (new teacher). My mom would keep me in my room from the time I got home to around 10 or 11 pm (with a break for dinner), making sure I did everything up to her unreasonably high standards. When I protested she would yell at me that all work and no play was how it was going to be for most of my life and that, essentially, I was deeply defective if I didn't adapt. When I would refuse to do my homework entirely, she'd call my dad up and he'd join in. This was the period of tension that preceded my highly educated parents' extremely acrimonious and loud divorce, and this was one of the few activities they could still partake in together. Sitting down to do homework became associated with humiliation and submission. The disgust with which my mom (who was most other times very loving) looked at me when I failed to understand something turned learning from the ongoing adventure I used to see it as into an ongoing anxiety-inducing question of my worth.

Near the end of that year my parents were largely too busy screaming at each other to monitor me constantly and I started slacking off. Sixth grade, I did almost no homework and told my mom most mornings that I had been vomiting so I wouldn't have to go to school. I didn't even hate school itself at first (though I wasn't crazy about it); I just entertained this notion that I could catch up on all my old work in private if I could put off the teachers holding me accountable for one more day. But of course I just stayed on the couch pretending to be sick (my parents were almost never both in the house during the day, so it was peaceful, if mind-numbing). Eventually I stopped pretending I would catch up but lied about vomiting anyway to avoid the glares of the teachers who now resented me and the students who always disliked me (it took me until college to understand and be confident in peer interactions). The staying home mostly stopped when my mom took me for an MRI, the doctors failed to find any brain tumors, and she started demanding to see the puke. My parents would often berate me and tell me I was going nowhere fast in life because I wasn't doing my work, but I steadfastly refused to sit when they told me to, and they gave up on forcing me.

There were parent/teacher conferences (the way my parents brought their personal drama into these is more movie material than probably anything else in my life). I was made to see a social worker. In seventh grade I got an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) for "emotional disability" and spent one period every day fighting with my caseworker over my right not to do my assignments. This IEP stayed with me throughout high school. I'm pretty sure I failed seventh grade (hurray for social promotion). Eighth grade was mostly C's and D's. My parents' divorce was finalized.

I got to high school not knowing how to try (even though part of me really wanted to, so as to get into college). I paid excellent attention in most classes because I found them interesting, participated enthusiastically (yeah, I was that girl), and did well on tests that didn't require knowledge from homework. My freshman/sophomore year average was maybe a 2.0. My mom's mental health was declining dramatically. The summer before my junior year, my mom died after drunkenly crashing her car. Junior year I got maybe a 2.9 first semester and a 3.5 second semester. Senior year I got around a 2.6 first semester (these are really all estimations, I don't remember that well) and something awful like 1.5 the second since I had already gotten into college (they didn't rescind my admission, bless them). I had gotten into college in spite of these mostly atrocious grades because of my crazy/dead mommy story, 34 on the ACT, and status as a National Merit Semifinalist.

I cared about my grades in a way that made me beat myself up more than try to succeed. I tried to keep my head above water in panicked nights of kicking myself, but that's trying not to fail. I cared deeply and anxiously about my performance on particular assignments. Writing papers was the big one. I would sit at the computer unable to come up with or structure my ideas until insane hours of the night. Often, my almost invariably A papers were severely penalized for lateness. I'd think to myself, "you're disgusting," but ultimately I preferred an A dropped down to a D for lateness over a straight B. Evidence that one fine theoretical day, once I got over my complexes, I could be a serious intellectual was so much more important to me than my grade point average.

This has followed me into college, where I've been for over a year. I used to not be able to write my papers until insane hours of the night immediately before they were due, until I realized that some professors accept late work sometimes, and now I can rarely motivate myself to get them in on time. I almost never do readings, feeling like I'm failing when they're taking too long, preferring the fleeting feeling that I'm not stupid as I read easy articles on the internet. I always start the term out OK, but as soon as my workload becomes even slightly difficult to manage, I retreat into avoidance. It doesn't matter how much I like the subject. Then the absolute due dates come, and I'm up, sleep-deprived, in my room, consumed by fear and intense self-loathing, trying to cry for some feeling of release, and yet unable to. Every time this happens I grow to hate school a little bit more and avoid it a little more eagerly the next time I think I can get away with it. I got a 3.3 first semester freshman year after dropping from 4 classes to 3, a 2.6 second semester freshman year after doing the same thing, and now sophomore year I'm taking 4 classes and am terribly behind in my work.

I talk to my intellectually-oriented, high-achieving friends wondering what they'd think of me if they knew what I really was. I lie in the arms of the girl I like knowing she'd kick me out of bed if she knew of all the assignments I should be working on. I stare at my computer screen at the introductory paragraph of a week-overdue paper, too paralyzed and disgusted by the fact that I haven't read the book to put together a body (even though I've done it countless times before). I sit in class discussions largely silent, because now that I'm in college I can't participate meaningfully without doing the work. I'M SICK OF THIS. I want better grades, yes, but what I want most is to get the education I'm paying for. I no longer believe that screwing around is what's going to make me happy, but spending hours listening to Dan Savage and reading soft news on NYT reminds me so much of Pokemon Red, and I can't help but think that I'm a 19-year-old trapped in a 10-year-old's emotional baggage. Help?

I'm not sure what jobs I should be applying for.

Lakmir — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 21:52:43 -0800

What are some decent-paying jobs for someone who has B.A. degrees in English and in Psychology, and a lot of unofficial and very specialized technical knowledge but no "official" (i.e. paid) experience with such? Three and a half years ago, I graduated from a well-respected school with a bachelor's degree in English and another in Psychology. Of those, I've spent roughly two and a quarter working for a nonprofit in residential direct care - putting my psych degree to work for me, so to speak. There are a lot of problems with this: I'm facing major burnout, I work extremely long shifts, I'm slowly growing to hate the people I'm working with (the residents, not my coworkers), the pay is garbage and there's little or no opportunity for promotion. I'm not liking the field at all, and badly desire a career change.

In the meantime, I've also been doing a lot of hobby work on video games. Script writing and editing, localization programming (assembly languages), that sort of thing. I've gained a lot of really deep knowledge about old dead computers, some rudimentary management skills, and some really wonderful English narrative editing skills. There's also a smattering of MySQL knowledge that goes with the territory, a little bit of procedural C++, some technical writing (documentation and readmes), image editing, that sort of thing. I've been including this on my resume but it's not really "work" experience because I'm not getting any money for it, at least not in the eyes of most HR divisions.

Now I know the job market is impossible, but I have two degrees, a magna cum laude GPA, and am doing brain-breaking, psyche-draining work with an increasingly difficult population. I feel like I should be making more than $24K/year, you know? I need a change of job, but I don't know what sort of jobs I should be applying for.

So, my core question is: What sort of jobs I should be applying for? Administrative assistant? Researcher/analyst? Should I go for IT or web design, and if so, how much of a portfolio will I need to put together? I'm feeling increasingly lost and badly need to be pointed in the right direction!

As a corollary, how should I treat my technical stuff? It's vast and expansive, not to mention that it's the product of more than a decade's worth of blood, sweat, and tears, so I don't want to just make light of it with a few minor adjustments to a "Skills" list in a resume. But on the other hand, I applied at a temp agency not to long ago; they took one look at the stuff I've done as a hobby, pegged me for middle or upper management, and told me that I was overqualified for anything they had.

Here's some extra information in anticipation of responses from reading other questions. My chief loves in life are literature (both reading and writing), games of all kinds, music (both performing and listening), and problem solving. Further, I hate my job, but not only because I'm not making any money at it; the guys have all these little quirks that make everyone else mad, which they often knowingly abuse. So it's not necessarily about the money, but it wouldn't hurt to actually be able to start putting a little away...

Further, physical location is not an issue. I don't have much (if anything) put away but I can probably scrape together some change, and I have friends willing to lend me a bit of scratch to help finance a move.

I know this is a very open-ended question, but I'm frustrated and desperate. Please help!

Marketing and Psychology or just Psychology?

tweedle — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 21:10:15 -0800

If I want to do marketing research should I double major in Psychology and Marketing? Alternately, if I enjoy research psychology and conducting studies, what are other possible careers I might be interested in? I am aware of this thread, I even posted in it! But I want personalized advice blah blah, and his question is different than mine.

I am a sophomore in college with about 50 credits under my belt after this semester. Currently, I am majoring in Psychology. After taking a marketing class this semester I figured out what I could do as a career: marketing research!!! Yeah!!!

I've always wanted to do something in experimental psychology, like researching and conducting studies. However, I've heard that most of these positions require one to become a professor, which I don't really want to do.

Marketing research is sorta like that... right? I like the idea of conducting surveys, focus groups, etc., to try to understand how people make decisions about what to buy. I mean, I'm not exactly passionate about this, as I might say I am about other psychological topics I could research, but I have a vague interest in it and I don't hate it, maybe I even like it.

So, should I double major? With 50 willy-nilly non-business credits, I would have to take about 20 more than 120 to graduate. And I wouldn't be able to take ANY classes outside of psychology or business, minus the gen ed classes I haven't taken yet. Does it even matter what I major in to future employers (in any field, what if I change my mind to something completely unrelated?) usually?

I feel like I should just major in Psychology and minor in marketing, as I care more about Psychology and marketing would just be a career. If I go into marketing and decide I don't like it at all I wouldn't want all my effort to be for naught.

On the flip side, I also don't want to be wasting my time and money in college getting a degree that will make me unemployable in anything I want to do. I would rather work hard now and stop messing around than have to come back in a few years. School is a good learning experience, but the end result (a job) is very important to me, simply because I don't want to have a dead-end job the rest of my life. I want a nice relaxing job that makes me enough money to get by.

I'm probably just going to go with Psychology, but I want to know what you think. Someone in the other thread pointed out an article in Advertising Age about how marketing firms actually prefer people with degrees in something other than marketing, but is this actually true in practice? One article isn't convincing enough, I would like ancedota from people in marketing telling me how true this is. Also, please, if you can, tell me what it's like doing marketing research.

Another question is, what else could I do for a career if I am interested in psychological research? Marketing research is the only practical thing I can think of, where I will actually have a job someday (maybe), but what else is there?

Thank you for your help!

What was this reluctance to drop a deuce?

Anonymous — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 09:12:19 -0800

What was this reluctance to drop a deuce? As a child I experienced a lot of trauma - dad beating up mom, and lots of screaming matches/broken furniture between my parents. I was never physically or emotionally abused by either of them. I had a habit up to about the age of 9 where I would hold back bowel movements as long as I possibly could, for days or maybe over a week. It would get to the point where everything would get compacted and would hurt like hell when I finally did go, and I would experience some light bleeding - I assume due to tissue tearing from trying to pass a boulder. I remember kneeling down on my heel to keep it in, and I remember it feeling very unpleasant. But I do remember being aware that I should just go sit on the toilet and let it out, I just didn't *want* to. I was properly toilet trained, so it's not like I didn't know what I was supposed to do, I just chose to hold it in. I was scared that it would hurt or kill me, but I kept doing it. I am 40 now and everything is normal, I go when I need to and have no bowel/gut dysfunction at all. I think it stopped when I was around 12 but don't remember what made me stop.

Now that I've been through a ton of therapy, I wonder why I did this. I assume it was due to the insanity I was dealing with, but I don't understand *why*. A means to have control over my body when nothing else was in control? A way of expressing the emotional pain physically like 'cutters' do? Is this a known phenomenon? I'm a guy, if that makes any difference.

TeachingFilter

bad grammar — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 06:25:07 -0800

Is it normal or is it the symptom of a serious cognitive / psychological disorder that I don't like teaching? I have never had a diagnosis, and I'm an adult now, but I think I may have Asperger Syndrome. I am highly introverted, I love research, I am comfortable with a high level of detail, and I don't really care what other people think. I don't perceive social cues well, and when I start doing anything that takes a high level of focus, the rest of the world goes away.

This makes me terrible as a teacher. I don't perceive my students' social cues until they become blatant, hence I'm not sure when I am losing them. I do not get the reward that good teachers get from the back-and-forth with their students. I furthermore am alienated and get angry when students goof off or are disrespectful.

I have learned not to spam other people with an Asperger level of detail (think horror vacui; I used to read the dictionary for fun). But I don't instinctively empathize with what other people consider a normal (low) level of detail for instruction. It seems "dumb" to me. I could follow the cookbook (rely on other teachers' research and worksheets) but I would be bored with it. There's no there, there.

I bailed out of of one career (academic) because I couldn't teach. I now am looking for a librarian position that won't involve user instruction or too much work with the public. I don't mind IT, research, or day-to-day administration.

Help me understand war criminals!

hasna — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 12:21:27 -0800

Which books help me get into the psyche of war criminals, suicide bombers, etc? I am currently looking for books that reveal the offender's inner motives, perspective, or mindset about their crimes, and the context in which they committed them. Not ones that simply justify the crimes, but explore the human side of the offenders.

I'm specifically interested in books about events in the past century: Rwanda, Palestine, Iraq, the Holocaust... although any outstanding books dating further back in history are welcome, too. And I'd prefer if they weren't overly heavy with advanced psych vocabulary - those meant for the layperson are preferred.

I currently have "The Road to Martyr's Square" and "Machete Season: The Killers in Rwanda Speak", so any along those lines, either biography, autobiography, or historical fiction.

Thanks!

My personality needs a review! It's getting out of control! Help please!

Vandal — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 21:18:03 -0800

I'm scared of what my personality is coming to be. I recently broke up with my wife that I love but had no passion (kissing) with (2.5 yrs). I feel like I've controlled her a lot, do not want her to express a lot of her own self because I am very meticulous and strategic about my words, how I talk, how I present myself, etc. I think that's the same thing that happened with my ex girlfriend of two years. They love me for who I am, I'm a fun loving guy, good looking, good personality, morals, understanding, extremely caring, etc, but I'm wayyy too much of a presence and seemingly controlling to my loved ones. My dad has been away from home for about 20 years seeing his kids and wife once or twice a year. He recently retired and is back with mom and my siblings (I'm away from them). My mom says he has been trying to take over on how the house is being run and is controlling her ways and words, and how she interacts with others, etc .. in turn driving my mom wild.

I'm an extrovert when I have to be, and I usually don't go out partying etc even though I'm in my late twenties, and very much involved with what I do. My mom was saying since my dad has been back, he hasn't gotten the want to step out of the house and go places, etc.

This is kind of scary as it looks like I'm turning into my dad and I'm seeing through my mom how bad it could get. I don't know what else I should say.. I am seriously getting scared that I will turn into something that I don't want to turn into. I need help and I don't know what to do to turn myself around.. but I think if I wait any longer, my personality would get hard coded and could never be changed, like my dad.

I also have this "I am right", and "Listen to me", attitude that my wife didn't like.

Do you know what I'm talking about? If yes, please help!

Looking for a Therapist for a Friend in Richmond, VA

Anonymous — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 19:32:32 -0800

TherapyFilter: Asking for a friend of a friend—can anyone recommend a competent therapist accessible to someone living in Richmond, Virginia... especially someone especially good at handling issues of anxiety and panic? (Anonymous for the privacy of the individual[s] in question, in case someone could track them through me.)

Specifically, the friend-of-a-friend (a straight, white male in his early 20s, for what it matters) seems to be having issues with anxiety that increasingly have been manifesting in ways that resemble classic panic attacks—I'm thinking specifically the catastrophizing of physiological arousal leading to the positive-feedback cycle of anxiety that potentiates the attack. A doctor prescribed him an anti-anxiety medication of some sort, but he's considering therapy to help as well. However, to my knowledge, this doctor wasn't really able to proffer any suggestions as to who he could or should see to get some therapeutic assistance. As such, we're looking for recommendations for an excellent mental health professional to help him through his problems. I've heard that while many therapies tend to have similar therapeutic effects for many problems, panic disorders do have a history of better treatment through Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, so maybe keep that in mind? (That being said, if you or someone you know had a positive experience with someone from a different therapeutic modality for similar problems, feel free to recommend them, too!)

(There's also a thread wherein said friend identified said friend-of-a-friend's mannerisms as rather remarkably fitting the diagnostic criteria of Paranoid Personality disorder; however, this is a Wikipedia diagnosis, neither of us are clinical professionals, and the friend-of-the-friend is interested in dealing with his anxiety, so speaking in terms of both pragmatism and respect for his own ability to manage his well-being, anxiety/panic would be the primary specialty he'd be looking for. Nevertheless, it does characterize at least some issues as an individual close to him—and, to an extent, he—perceives them, so could be relevant if you have numerous doctors in mind and someone has a relevant specialty.)

If you don't have any specific recommendations, you can still be helpful! As is evident by my asking the question, neither I nor the friend (nor the friend-of-the-friend, I would imagine) have the faintest idea of how to find a high-quality therapist anywhere, nevermind in the Richmond area. If there are any general sites or resources we can look at—especially that provide something approximating reviews—that'd be excellent as well!

If you don't feel comfortable posting here, toss me a line at mefi.richmond.therapy@gmail.com

Thank you in advance for your help!

Playing Those Mind Games Forever?

watercarrier — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 02:23:41 -0800

Possible Jungian Reasons for *Getting into Someone's Head*? Long time ago, read the book *Games People Play*. Have the rules changed? Why would a rational person attempt play mind games with someone ? What are the *rules* of the *game*? Are there payoff's for the player? If so, what are they and how do they manifest? Studies, books and current day examples on the subject appreciated.

Does taking breaks for ergonomics hurt flow?

defben — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 04:16:12 -0800

Doesn't taking breaks for ergonomic reasons hurt "flow"? I've recently been having tendinitis issues at work (I'm in the IT field). I've bought an ergonomic keyboard, started correcting bad habits and I also installed Workrave; a small program that "forces" me to take the occasional break.

I've begun to wonder if these breaks are hurting my overall productivity. Specifically with regard to the psychological concept of "flow". Am I wrong or is this just something I have to deal with?

Extroversion or flirting?

Anonymous — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 12:27:11 -0800

How do you tell the difference between someone who's an extrovert and someone who's romantically interested in you? I (male) met a female friend of a male friend visiting my city last winter. After that we talked on line a bunch. (With her initiating a good part of the time.) We met (briefly and not one-on-one) up when I was visiting her city a few months later. There's been some Facebooking in between.

Recently, we chatted on line and she suggested we talk on the phone that week. When we did, at the end of that conversation said we should talk regularly on the phone and suggested a fairly definite schedule.

I'm pretty introverted and in the past I've dated (though not much) people who've either been introverted or explicit about their intentions at the beginning.

I'm having a hard time telling if this is just her extroversion coming through... or if I should take this as a sign of romantic interest. If I had just made a female friend, I would be hesitant to contact them so often for fear that I was sending the message that I was interested, if I wasn't.

Any tips on navigating this introvert extrovert divide would be appreciated.

Some more info:

We're both very close to the friend who introduced us, but they're not romantically envolved (I asked him, in part, because I wanted to be sure I wasn't interfering with a prior romantic pursuit of his by what I was thinking might be her interest in me) and he's not the matchmaking type, so I'm reluctant to put him further in the middle of this...

(This isn't really a question about long-distance relationships, I like the area where she lives, have lived there previously, and may even move there in the next couple of years regardless.)

All the people in this question are in their twenties and out of school, including me, but I'm a couple years older.

Throwaway e-mail: INVEVQM@gmail.com

Psychotherapy? Psicoterapia? Psychothérapie? психотерапия?

Keter — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 12:50:35 -0800

With regards to psychotherapy, a common opinion I've noticed on MetaFilter is that Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy is perceived as being the most efficient way to go, in addition to being one of the very few therapies likely to be reimbursed by health insurance. However, this may be coming from a largely American perspective. As such, I'm curious: What are some major features of psychotherapy in countries other than the United States? What are modes of therapy with which Americans might be familiar that are more popular elsewhere than they are in the US, and why are they more common in other places? Are there any psychotherapeutic traditions I as an American would be unlikely to have heard of or considered? Similarly, are there any therapeutic modalities that are distinctly American (or, in a less absolute sense, are more commonly found in the US or in Anglophone countries)? Within therapeutic modalities that might be familiar to us (CBT, psychodynamic, psychoanalytic), are there any schools or features of those modalities in other countries that may not be common in the United States? (For the last question, I have the general impression that French psychoanalysis is hella Lacanian, but have absolutely nothing of substance to back that up.)

On another train of thought: Who goes to get therapy—and who pays for it when they do? Are there places where psychotherapy is viewed with more or less stigma than it is in the United States?

I realize these are many, many questions, and I certainly don't expect to have all—or even most—of them answered. All-in-all, I'm just interested in learning more about how psychotherapy is perceived, researched, and practiced in places other than my home country... and why these psychotherapeutic landscapes may differ.

(For what it's worth, my own attempts to answer these questions have been rather fruitless, though I haven't the faintest of where to look. Some random searching on MeFi found me an interesting thread suggesting that psychoanalysis is really huge in Argentina. I also seem to recall an assertion I'll paraphrase as something like: "In France, psychoanalysis is therapy.")

Uh...hang on, just give me a minute.

Demogorgon — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 10:34:31 -0800

What is the most important scientific question of our time? I volunteer at an observatory for a local amateur astronomers' society and one of the guests at a recent star party came up and asked, "What do you think is the most important question science has to answer right now?" Obviously, there is no right or wrong answer, but after the party was over a lot of us were still talking about this question and I ended up learning a great deal from my fellow club members that I might otherwise not have.
The next time this question gets asked I want to be prepared to offer a variety of answers from differing fields and opinions. I don't expect to represent every answer as an expert, but I'd like to be able to give a few more examples than I was able to, and then correlate them to some book recommendations from the answers in this thread about introductions to your field.
I also think it is important to frame the question in a way that can be meaningfully answered, i.e. "What is the most important scientific discovery about to be made?" or something like that.
Of course, I had my own answer in mind, but as a relative layperson to that branch of study I had a really hard time articulating why it was so important to "science." Therefore, if you are uniquely affiliated with a specific field that you think will produce a game-changer, feel free to get as technical as you're comfortable doing.

Thanks!

Blogs with the same feeling as This American Life?

salvia — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 10:20:20 -0800

I'm looking for blogs about psychology, storytelling, emotions, why people do the things they do, the human condition, or just good blogs with people's stories. I've been finding some good stuff in this past AskMe. (For example, this blog would be great, if it were still active.) Is there more out there? They can be funny, curious and thoughtful, analytical, whatever, so long as what they're really about is what makes people tick. (In case this question is too vague, my past book questions are asking for similar stuff.)

Basically, I'd like to spend the bus ride home from work every day shifting out of "to do" list mode and remembering what it's like to be a human being.

I can't believe I can't do this!

Pennyblack — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 11:15:42 -0800

What can some people do that other people can't do? What can some see that others can't? Think: Tongue rolling.
I'm looking for some simple, fun party tricks for showing neurological, psychological or physiological differences in people.
I know of a few for showing gender differences (bending chair lifting) and determining left or right brained (lining up a finger on a straight wall and alternating open eyes), but that's about it.
This is for a teen group, so no UR Gay (crazy, retarded...) pseudo psychological stuff. I just want to show that people have differences, and that is a FUN thing.