Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with proposal

Proposing without a ring or with a placeholder ring?

yukonho — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 18:01:28 -0800

My girlfriend is interested in designing her own engagement ring, so what do I use when I propose to her? A placeholder ring? Nothing? There was a similar question a few years back, but my situation is a bit simpler, I hope. My girlfriend and I have been together for over six years and have already talked about marriage. (It's more a question of "when" than "if" at this point.) Since we're not really into diamonds and she's an artistic type, she'd like to be involved in designing her engagement ring. I'd like to have something when I pop the question, though! Do I go with a simple white gold band, or just propose and head to the jewelry shop the next day?

Travel/Proposal trifecta in play

2legit2quit — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 19:22:13 -0800

Triple whammy travel/proposal question. For those of you following my previous questions, I am almost home. I now have the diamond and the ring. I also have the flight to Europe. My questions now are: 1) How do I get from Frankfurt to Paris cheaply during the second week of January? 2) Where in Paris should I propose considering the cold January weather? 3) She knows nothing about the trip. How/when do I tell her about it? 1) As to the travel, we are flying into Frankfurt on January 5th and flying out on the 6th. I have a hotel in Frankfurt for the night of the fifth, but don't have to use it. We have a hotel in Paris for the rest of the trip. Searching skyscanner and related sites yields flights of around $350. Using raileurope, train trips are $300. There has to be a cheaper way to get there and back. And, ryanair does not allow me to select Frankfurt and Paris as connectors.

2) Past threads have been very helpful, but I want to ask specifically with a consideration of cold weather. Weather underground says to expect cold in the 40s.

3) I feel that anticipation of a trip is almost as much fun as actually going, so I don't want to just spring it on her last minute. We are not very well off and I have been saving for several months for this trip and it will be a very big deal to her. I am toying with the idea of giving her the tickets to Frankfurt for Christmas and then telling her that we aren't really staying in Frankfurt a little bit later and then nonchalantly mentioning that we are actually ending up in Paris over New Years. I would like to hear your general thoughts on this and how I can romantically play this out for maximum fun for me the information giver, and her the information receiver.

I don't want to force the issue, but if I don't it will never happen.

Anonymous — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 07:53:41 -0800

I want to get married. He doesn't. We're at an impasse. For all intents and purposes I could be the girl in this relationship except that we've been together for over 10 years instead of 3. We've been living together for almost 9 years, we are now in our early 30s. I love him, and he loves me "more than anything." Kids are not in our future, we are absolutely on the same page there. I made it clear to him in recent years that I want to get married and that it's important to me. He is afraid of getting trapped in a loveless unhappy marriage (like his parents) and worries that he would not be able to walk away if things went sour with us if we were married. He admits a lot of this is irrational. After our last long long series of conversations about this, I told him that I would give him time and that the next move would be his (It was clear how I felt, and he was the one who was unsure, in effect I have already asked him to marry me). Since then, a year has passed.

On the one hand, this is a great relationship and I don't want to walk out on it. If I forced the issue, I could probably get him to sign the piece of paper, but I don't want him to get there under duress. I don't want a diamond or a poofy dress or an expensive party, I just want to be legally committed to him, and him to me. We really do have a great thing going, but we talked about this a lot and I don't think he is going to get over his aversion to the idea. He has already told me that he loves me and always will, and feels that this should be enough. Obviously there is more talking to be done but at this point I don't know how to direct the conversation since I have made my position very clear and still nothing has happened. The idea of just sucking it up makes me feel terrible and the idea of some sort of ultimatum also makes me feel terrible. It's not important enough to be a dealbreaker, but that still leaves a lot of room for unhappiness.

We have already signed legal documents for health care and visitation rights. Common law marriage and domestic partnership doesn't exist in our state. Where do I go from here?

Is there really lasting love at first sight?

Anonymous — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 05:17:41 -0800

How did you know getting engaged impulsively was a good idea? I met this wonderful woman a few months ago. I am 24 and she is 21 were both about to finish our BA's this winter. I feel like I have found something unique and special in this girl and could see myself being with her a long time. It has been four months, but that "so happy I'm going to puke because the butterflies won't stop flapping" does not ever stop. Our relationship feels like it is beyond gut level infatuation; we are compatible on so many levels that I doubt that I will ever find this mix in a single person again.

We have both dated and had our hearts broken. I dated a woman for 4 years and we were dead pragmatic about the idea of getting married. We had the logistics down, but the real gut level part of it just was not there.

I know is snark bait, and I am not interested in people telling me how naive I am. I understand marriage is an economic contract with the state and not a love certificate. I am asking partly because we had discussed how we both kind of like the fun of long engagements. In addition, she is in Paris for this quarter and I would like to surprise her by proposing to her in Paris. Neither of us have any interest in eloping.

What I am interested in are stories of people who found each other and quickly decided that they had found someone whom they wanted to share their life. I would like to hear both from MeFites who found this to be the best or worst decision of their life. How did you know this would be a good idea? Was it a good idea? Any anecdotes about quick engagements or marriages are welcome. In particular, I would love to hear stories about couples who ended up staying together for decades.

How to propose to a book lover?

Anonymous — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 14:56:23 -0800

Proposing to a book lover. Ideas? I'm planning to propose to my girlfriend. She loves books, she must have close to 1000.

I'd like to do something private or semi-private. Any ideas on how to incorporate books into the proposal?

Burnt-out Grad Student Seeks Grammar Help

hiteleven — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 13:16:22 -0800

I want to ask several questions in a row in a research proposal. What is the grammatically correct way of doing this? In a bit of a silly rhetorical flourish, I want to pose several questions in a row in a research proposal I am writing. At the moment I have written this in the following way:

"In my research I will seek to answer several questions: What is X? Where is Y? Who is Z?"

I did a rough Google search of similar constructions, and I've adhered to what seems to be the most popular standards. I still have some concerns, however:

- Should I end the first sentence with a colon or a period?

- If the first sentence ends with a colon, is it right to capitalize the 'W' in "Where"? I found a lot of such examples on-line, but I'm still not convinced it's the right thing to do.

- Can I add another sentence to the paragraph after the last question, or do I have to end it right then and there?

I would appreciate it if anyone who can cite a style guide when answering this. Also, one copy of this proposal will be going to the UK, while another stays in North America, if that makes a difference.

Restaurant engagement in St. Louis?

kraigory — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 09:06:27 -0800

I am proposing to my girlfriend this summer in St. Louis and I know that it will involve a friend of ours coming out on a stage while we are having dinner and playing our favorite song. If it is an appropriate setting, we will dance to it, and after the song is over, I will propose to her. I need your help finding the right location! So, here are some additional details. My plan is to have a waiter or waitress come to our table and present her with a photo book that I am making her with Blurb. It documents all the years that we have been dating. The last page will be wrapped in wax paper so she cannot see it. When she gets to the last page I will stop her, and tell her to hold on a moment before she looks at the page. At that moment, my friend will come out on stage and play our favorite song. After he is done, I will tell her to look at the page. As she sees the large photo of the ring I brought her, I will drop to one knee and propose.

So, I am trying to find the proper location to pull this off. I thought that I had found the perfect place- a restaurant called Savor that has a small, romantic cabaret theater attached. I was going to ask them if they could just seat us alone in the theater. That would've been perfect, and we could've danced when my friend came out on stage to play the song, because no one would be around. But, I found out that the restaurant is closed.

So I need help! I can see two options:

1. A nice, romantic restaurant that has a cute little stage that we could be seated in front of. I already have one restaurant that has agreed to do this, Morgan Le Fays, but I've never been there and I'm not sure how their layout would work with my idea. So, if you know of any restaurants that fit the bill, that would be great! I'm not necessarily looking for the finest dining, but a romantic and intimate atmosphere is very important.

2. If I could find a small, romantic theater that would let me use it for an hour (early on a saturday evening, which could be a problem) or so, then I could have food catered, and my friends could help out as servers. The only problem that I see with this option is that it would probably cost more, be harder to find, and she would know what was happening as soon as we arrived. The upside is that we would be alone the whole time, and could dance when my friend played the song.

So, if you have any suggestions of great restaurants or cute little theaters in St. Louis that would work for my purposes, I would appreciate it very much!

Thanks!

-Kraig

Fun ways to propose

dcrocha — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 16:21:47 -0800

What are some fun ways to propose to my girlfriend? (long story + strange situation inside) Last February, I was assigned to a new job position in my company's offices abroad. I was expecting this to happen at some point in time, but due to some strategy changes, it ended up happening much sooner than I thought. As a result, my girlfriend and I decided that we would get married and she would move abroad with me. Although I'm happy with the outcome of this situation, the fact that we were kind of "forced" to marry because of the circumstances left little room for romance. We had to get marry officially pretty quickly so we could apply to visas for both of us, not only me.

So the strange part of this situation is that we are already married, officially, but didn't exchange rings nor had a wedding party. We agreed that everything would be done as if we weren't married yet, so based in that decision, I should officially propose to her. Given the surrealistic nature of the whole thing, I need to find a fun/surreal/unexpected way to propose to her. I guess "Would you marry me like you did last week?" would be a good opener, but I need more.

We are a fun couple with a very sarcastic humor; we can tease each other for hours and make jokes with things that would be touchy for other (normal) couples. Therefore my proposal should be something fun we will laugh at and remember forever. My first idea was to give her a short version of David Fincher's The Game, but the part of burying her alive in Mexico may cause a bit of trouble, as she does not a visa for entering that country. I then quickly abandoned that thought and am hoping that mefites could give me fun ideas for proposing to her, and of course would not cause her to jump off a building in despair.

Yes, she does read Metafilter regularly and knows my nickname. She will find this message, of course, but the funny part is that she won't be able to know which idea(s) I will choose, and that will keep her guessing for a long time while I prepare everything.

Hit me!

How to Propose (gay male edition)

pointystick — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 09:53:56 -0800

Asking for a friend: Which guy should propose to whom? My friend Thurston is in a relationship with a wonderful, smart guy ("the Professor"). Thurston and the Professor have had discussions about being married someday which they'd both like. Aside from the sad fact that our state currently won't let them marry, Thurston is curious about how the proposal would go since he notes that traditionally the guy asks the girl - is there a rule of thumb for same sex couples?
Advice and anecdotes are welcome. Thurston thanks you in advance.
If it matters, both guys are brainy types and neither is a gooshy romantic but they'd like something between an awkward "hey, wanna go to Canada and get married next week?" and over-the-top shmoopy.

Our company's website sucks. Let me fix it.

SansPoint — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 19:18:07 -0800

I want to redesign my company's website. How do I make a move to do it? Okay, I'm working for a small technology marketing company (name withheld for obvious reasons) and their website is in dire need of updating. It refers to a location that has been shut down, doesn't have any information about their recent acquisition, new clients, etc. I've got the chops, so I just need to figure out how to make the move and propose my services. If it helps, it's a rather small company (<100 employees), and the three partners are very close with the employees. So, how should I, and who should I propose to redo their website?

Where is there a large outdoor staircase in the SF bay area, similar to the Spanish Steps in Rome?

Ekidnagrrl17 — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 23:16:29 -0800

Where is there a large outdoor staircase in the SF bay area, similar to the Spanish Steps in Rome? Needed for wedding proposal I have decided to ask my partner to marry me. We both are not really into the whole "smoogly-boogly" love-y dove-y thing, so I want my proposal to be a bit funny. We have been together for almost 6 years and we are not the traditional couple which is why it is important for me (as a woman) to be the one doing the proposing.
I want to jokingly reenact this retched advertisement that he hates . So I need to find a Roman-Spanish-Steps-esque outdoor staircase in the bay area. Ideally there needs to be space for our friends to hide (especially the friends with the video cameras) and there needs to be a reason I am taking him there!

Propose some locations, please.

Anonymous — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 12:03:26 -0800

Where is a good place to propose in Winnipeg, Manitoba? My girlfriend and I will be visiting the windy city in a month or two, and I'd like to propose to her while we're there. Unfortunately, I don't have much experience with the city, and I obviously can't ask her for advice.

So, can any MeFites recommend scenic places for me? Restaurants, parks, etc. I'm not sure what the weather will be like in early winter, but I'm willing to brave the outdoors.

Proposing the proposal

goalyeehah — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 04:43:42 -0800

How do I submit a book proposal to a publisher? I have a book proposal for a partner yoga book ready to submit to a publisher. Proposal includes photographs. How and where would I go about submitting this cold???

Downtown Minneapolis bar/restaurant for a small get together with my adult family - Post wedding proposal

Anonymous — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 08:24:22 -0800

Downtown Minneapolis bar/restaurant for a small get together with my adult family - Post wedding proposal Specifically a relaxed environment where 10 adults can get drinks on a Friday or Saturday night. If needed, I could reserve a room or area for the group, but this is not necessary. I would like it to be fairly quiet, but if a band is playing or the bar is busy, that is alright as long as we have a semi private area that we can talk in comfortably.

Cost is an important factor, I will likely be paying for the nights bill, and if any reservation fees are needed. If we can get a few plates of appetizers, that would also be a plus.

I would prefer to stay in the Nicollet Mall/Block E area if possible, but would be willing to travel if the option is exceptional. The purpose of this event is for our family to celebrate together after I propose earlier in the evening to my girlfriend.

Should we get married and have kids?

Anonymous — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 22:36:30 -0800

In the past year I have had several men propose marriage to me, how serious should I take these proposals? Proposals have been in what I consider to be all seriousness, but in various levels of informality (no ring) that have been easy to brush off. However, the baby crazies have set in full force, and I wonder how serious I should take these proposals. I am 28, career focused, and my career dictates wheres I live. The men in question are not currently living in my area and are professionally employed, so not easy to relocate either. I guess what I am asking is any advice on non-traditional marriages and baby-making arrangements. I have no idea if I have even framed this question correctly, ask questions at ladygoofus@gmail.com.

Private engagement proposal

blueplasticfish — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 09:46:09 -0800

A non-public engagement proposal. How? I will be proposing sometime over the next month or so. My girlfriend has said in the past that she doesn't want anything in public. She wants it private. Its freezing cold outside, so that rules out any outdoors ideas, and I really want to avoid doing it at home (although if you have a great, romantic idea for an at home proposal, let's hear it!).

I've read some of the similar questions regarding this, but wanted to add mine because it needs to be in private. And I am going to tailor the proposal to make it a personal experience for us both, but I just wanted too hear some ideas and get the wheels turning.

Thanks everyone!

How do I write a business proposal without coming across as a complete rube?

myodometer — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 05:17:04 -0800

I've never had to orchestrate a business proposal before, any suggestions? I've been working a really great job for the last two years, but I'm going back to school full-time and really need to make my degree my main focus. This job, however, has treated me very well and the recent hiring of a new director over me has only made things better at the office.

What I want to do is create some kind of written proposal outlining the fact that college graduates make X amount of dollars more over their lifetime than do non-degree holding employees. To that end, I'd like to notify my director of my intent to focus wholeheartedly on my studies but that I'd also be interested in scaling down my position to a part-time position with enough hours to maintain my health benefits.

In the past, I have proven to be able to work on a restricted schedule with no problems, but that was also when I wasn't juggling serious classes in my off-time. Would asking them for a raise be out of the question, too?

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to go about putting this into writing and presenting it without coming off like a douchebag? I am not really well-versed in the inner-workings of the corporate environment, so I don't really want to go into this completely uninformed. Any and all suggestions are welcome!

Propose or hint?

Anonymous — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 20:05:36 -0800

[Proposal Filter] We've lived together for 7 years, been together for 9. We've discussed the future, kids, plans, etc. I was always okay with our living-in-sin/unmarried status until recently. I probably have changed my mind as my biological clock has been ticking and because of questions from family/friends. So, I've been dropping vague jokey hints to my boyfriend that I want him to propose to me, but they come off as passive-aggressive "I'll die alone with my 20 cats..." etc. Would you suggest dropping less-subtle hints so that I can get the romantic proposal setup that some people seem to have or just coming out and saying "Do you/when do you want to get married?" I have a sense that if he doesn't want to get married and I do, that it will continue to nag me for the rest of our lives. We are in our mid-30s, by the way.

Proposing in New York

jpcody — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 20:00:00 -0800

ProposalFilter: I'm proposing in New York City tomorrow, can a New Yorker or someone with good city knowledge make sure my plan will work alright? Here is my plan:

Arrive in the city @ 9:45am.

Take the M60 to Harlem. Transfer to the 4-5-6 South.

Head down to Ground Zero/South St/Wall St and meander.

Get to Times Square to meander @ 12:15pm.

Asiate lunch in Times Square @ 1:45pm.

Eat. Walk up 5th Avenue to Central Park by 4:00pm.

Ice skate for 45 minutes or an hour.

Propose around 5:00pm.

Hope a carriage ride until 5:45pm.

Hope a cab, be @ LaGuardia by 7:00pm.

Think my time frame will work out? Am I cramming too much or not allowing enough time for one specific thing? I want to do a lot and enjoy our day together. This might be a ridiculous question to ask, I guess I'm just turning to AskMeFi to try and release my nerves. Thanks so much!

Una pregunta muy importante

jewishbuddha — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 18:35:41 -0800

What is the appropriate way to ask one's future father-in-law for his blessing to propose to his daughter, in Spanish? (asking for blessing in Spanish, not proposing in Spanish). This is urgent. Please help me help a good friend. Fast. Tonight.

A change in family travel plans for the holidays has my buddy accelerating his plans to propose by about a month. He wants to get his girlfriend's father's blessing before popping the question.

My friend speaks almost no Spanish, and Papa speaks almost no English. Mama speaks a tiny bit more English, but not much. I used to be near-fluent in Spanish when I studied in Spain, but that was a decade ago. I'm the go-between now, since Papa didn't seem to get the message from my buddy's short prepared speech. Despite our best attempts, I don't think we managed to break through the language barrier.

I'd really appreciate it if someone could tell us the appropriate way to ask for the dad's blessing. Is there a certain phrase or idiom used in Spanish other than "blessing" or "hand in marriage" etc.?

At the minimum, can someone provide accurate translation of "Mr. Smith, I would like your blessing/permission to ask your daughter to marry me"

If there's a better way to say it in Spanish, that would be great. Papa is from the Dominican Republic, if that affects dialect/local idiom at all.

Thanks.

Proposal for a stage play?

Sticherbeast — Sat, 20 Oct 2007 14:09:22 -0800

A friend of mine is in talks with a certain comic book writer to adapt a certain graphic novel for the stage. According to the writer's manager, they're interested in at least one run of the show, provided he can show them a satisfactory proposal. Great news! The only problem is, what should that proposal consist of and look like, for presentation to the writer and his manager?

Que' Rental Proposal?

goalyeehah — Mon, 16 Jul 2007 15:35:02 -0800

What is a rental proposal? I am thinking of renting a commercial space and the agent's representative has mentioned working together on a rental proposal? I am guessing that this is a proposal with figures and requests that can be negotiated. I would like to get clarification on this and personal experiences on how this process transpires.

Choosing a video contractor

graytona — Tue, 19 Jun 2007 21:30:36 -0800

What's the procedure for choosing a videography company? I've been tasked with choosing a videographer (or videography company) to go to the high arctic to record our company's installation there. The person/team then has to return to our city, and edit the footage into a number of different formats (infomercial, training videos, etc.). I put out a request for proposals and got some.

What is the normal procedure for choosing a video contractor like this? Is it a similar process to hiring an employee? What questions should I ask them? How should I proceed?

How sure should I be before I say yes?

Anonymous — Tue, 10 Apr 2007 20:07:06 -0800

How sure should I be before accepting a marriage proposal? Through various clues and hints, I've gathered that my boyfriend plans to propose to me upon my graduation from college next month. We've been together 3 years, and have talked about marriage for the past year, so this isn't any huge surprise. I am constantly wavering between happiness and doubt, though, and while I feel some of that is normal "cold feet," how do I know I'm making the right decision? I don't want to end up divorced in a few years.

He really is a good person, and he treats me much better than any man I've ever known. There are no huge red flags, like drinking or violence. However, we approach life in very different ways. My main concern is our personality differences: he's sloppy, spontaneous, procrastinating, forgetful, and distant when he's stressed; I'm a neat freak, detail oriented, anxiety-prone, and need a lot of affection/attention. We both come from abusive backgrounds and are working through our baggage. We don't fight a lot (every other week), but there seems to be a fairly consistent level of annoyance/tension, at least on my part, and sometimes I seriously wonder if I can accept him as he is. Sometimes the freedom of singlehood seems like a siren's song.

It's worth noting that this is my first long-term relationship, and the longest lasting he's had. Given that, plus an "interesting" family history, I don't have much of a yardstick for "normal."

Since he will most likely be proposing in front of friends and family, if I'm not going to accept I definitely want to tell him beforehand (he hasn't bought the ring yet, AFAIK). I don't want to leave him; I'm just not sure I am ready to commit.

Throwaway account: shouldisayyes@gmail.com

Second chances: how can I propose marriage, again, to my wife?

RikiTikiTavi — Thu, 01 Mar 2007 09:30:31 -0800

How can I propose [again] to my wife? I'm married. Have been for 9 years now. Perhaps for the 10th, perhaps sooner, I'd like to propose to my wife.

When our relationship got to the point where we were thinking about marriage, I was in the "I know we're going to marry, but I'll wait for a convenient time" stage [we were in college, nearing the end]. She had good points as to why we should get engaged now, and the (ahem) 'discussion' essentially ended up along the lines of, "fine--let's get married!"

Not exactly the dream proposal. And it still bothers me to this day--you don't really get to re-do your marriage proposal...or do you? I'll never be able to change what was a poor execution on my part, but I can try to do something nice, now.

Is this a stupid idea? If not, what are some good ideas, especially considering that we're married already? There's plenty of stuff out there about the 'normal' proposal, but I'm of course more interested in my unique circumstances.