Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with procrastination

I need a sense of urgency.

Kiwi — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 13:57:00 -0800

Like most people, I work much more efficiently when there is a looming deadline to focus my mind. Has anyone found a way to 'trick' their minds into thinking a deadline is more imminent than it is, to increase productivity?

How do I make the most of the Internet?

logicalsequence — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 06:05:42 -0800

How do I make the most of the Internet? I find myself reading the same (primarily boring) websites on the Internet and want to make more use of my online time. What can I do to connect with others more effectively, to discover new ideas more easily, to partake in my hobbies more effectively, to become more innovative/creative or to contribute to society more?

All I seem to be using the Internet for at the minute is for checking Facebook and a couple of forums and blogs relating to my hobbies.

Please feel free to suggest ideas or specific websites.

Thanks.

Yet another Friday night...

SNWidget — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 08:31:27 -0800

GoodTimesFilter: Instead of going out and being social, I tend to make excuses, saying I need to stay in to complete work - which I often don't actually complete, due to procrastination and distraction issues. How I can quiet this negative voice, and go out to have a good time? I've been like this for as long as I can remember - "Sorry, can't go out tonight because I should get some work done." And then? I don't actually get anything done, I sit around, screwing around on the computer. I'm fixing the procrastination/distraction issues with medication (which seems to be starting to work), but I'm still at an impass with the other bit.

It always seems like there's something else I should be doing, but instead of missing out on these great opportunities, while sitting at home and getting no benefit - social or productive.

I feel like I missed the day in high school where people were taught to sometimes turn off the part of their brain that says, "Hey, I know you have to stuff to do, but go out for a movie on Friday night. It's not like you'll get anything good done anyways."

How do I turn this off? Or, how do I get myself to go out and enjoy these social activities, without thinking about the billions of things I have to do?

Wait, sorry, what?

cereselle — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 14:58:18 -0800

Call it procrastination, call it forgetfulness, call it disorganization, call it laziness-- whatever it is, it's affecting my work life, and I want it to stop. I forget things. Lots of things. All the time. Sometimes it just completely slips my mind, sometimes I decide to do it later and it gets lost in the mists, sometimes just the thought of doing it makes me cranky and I want it to go away.

I have tried to write things down on a list, which helps for a while, but I invariably lose the list. I am unable to keep my office clean or organized, which contributes to list-losing, but the piles of stuff make me feel guilty, and I am disinclined (almost afraid) to go through them. When I try, I am seized with the urgent desire to do almost anything else.

How can I stop this? It's almost like I don't want to remember things. I try to change, then I forget the changes I've made, and the problem is as large as ever.

It's starting to come to a head, as I've failed to act on assignments from my boss due to completely forgetting about them. I'm not in danger of being fired (yet), but I want to do the best job I can, and this fuzzy-headedness is not making it easy.

Long-Distance Friendship for Introverts

Anonymous — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 11:49:20 -0800

Introvert Filter: please help me revive a friendship! I have lost contact with an old friend, for no particularly good reason--I like this friend a lot, but I just never got motivated enough to call or write. My friend sent a couple emails, and I didn't reply to them. I kept meaning to write back, but I never got around to it, and now several months have gone by and I feel really guilty about it. It's especially hard for me to write back now because of the guilt, and because I don't know how to explain why I didn't write back before. This has gone on for several months and is only getting worse.

I feel like it takes a huge amount of energy to stay in contact with people, even when I like them. The longer I wait to reply, the harder it gets, until it seems nearly impossible. Yes, I know this is beyond normal behavior even for an introvert and procrastinator, but I don't think I can explain it any better. (If it helps, I'm a little like the author of this question, but she might not make sense either.)

Another factor to consider is that even when I manage to overcome my inertia and talk to one of my far-away friends, I don't necessarily manage to do it for another. This is just because I find it easier to keep in touch with some people than with others, and because some are more understanding than others of my not communicating (which has never gotten this bad before).

(TL;DR details: I was recently visited by another friend that I do talk to, who had stopped by friend #1's workplace. Friend #1 wondered what had happened to me, and Friend #2 felt awkward for having been in contact with me when I was ignoring Friend #1. I also feel awkward about emailing Friend #1 and claiming my behavior was nothing personal, when in fact I wasn't ignoring other people.)

I really want to email my friend. Unless my friend is extremely angry at me, which I doubt, it's worth whatever unpleasantness I'll have to endure; I just want to minimize that unpleasantness as much as I can. (I already know it's my fault and I deserve it, so please don't rub it in.) What should I say? Should I try to be honest even though it won't make sense? Should I lie? (I think there are times when a white lie really is better than the truth, but what lie would work here?) If your friend emailed you after a long disappearance, what could (s)he say that would minimize your negative reaction?

One final note: please do NOT say things like "just say what you said here, because anyone who's REALLY your friend will understand." Real people aren't perfect like this, and I'm not sure I'd even want friends who are endlessly forgiving.) Thanks for reading!

Focus, brain.

Viola — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 03:35:41 -0800

I've written 10 of 20 pages of dense literary research in short spurts here and there. How do I spend all day tomorrow finishing up the rest? As a lifelong procrastinator I'm fixated by the fact that my paper isn't due for another 7 weeks, but I'd rather complete the bulk of the work tomorrow. How should I prepare to do challenging intellectual work for long stretches of time? Tomorrow I am taking off a whole day to write at the local library from 9AM until 8PM. The entire project is due December 13th. Deadlines are my academic drug, and since my brain knows the entire body of work isn't due for another seven weeks, it has a hard time snapping together and focusing now. It would much rather dawdle until December 7th rolls around and then grandly rise to the occasion. I've been getting up early in the morning and going to the local Starbucks before work and writing a paragraph here and there. This helps me focus because I know I have to be at my desk by 9:30 to do completely unrelated work, and the mini deadlines give me a tiny push to actually concentrate. Yet my work is a little incoherent because I keep writing in spurts, so I'd do well to just bang out the rest of the rough draft tomorrow and spend the rest of my time tightening the work. Furthermore, I'd like to spend Halloween guilt-free and not worrying about how I've wasted another weekend (I always waste whole weekends) out with my friends.

I'm easily, powerfully distracted by internet searches, which I've combated using LeechBlock. I cannot do work at home, as I'll wander into other rooms, take multiple showers, flip through books, etc, so I'm going to the library. I will pack meals to eat in the library pavilion. I will wear comfortable clothes and not drink too much coffee. I will bring a not-terribly-interesting book to skim when my brain starts flagging.

What else should I do to ensure that I won't idiotically squander a day off from my job by weaseling my way around LeechBlock? Put another way, how can I squash my procrastinating habits for one damn day so I can rid myself of weeks of incremental, social life-killing work?

The more I'm in school, the less I study.

Ouisch — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 10:57:22 -0800

I can't or won't study. Please help me. I'm a 4th year undergrad student. I have a decent GPA, but nothing spectacular. In public school, I was an almost straight-A student, but it came naturally. I never had to study much, but I was also very responsible and able to hand in assignments on time, and at least cram decently for tests.

The longer I've been in university, the worse I've become about studying. It is to the point where I physically CANNOT seem to study for tests. The past couple of years, I have taken almost all of my midterms and finals without studying...at all. Aside from having done (some) of the basic coursework.

It is now getting to the point where I cannot do the basic coursework, either, and now I often skip taking exams and have to make them up later (I get a doctor's note.) I consistently turn in all my assignments late, if at all.

I have depression and anxiety, which obviously play into this issue. I am in therapy, have been for many years (CBT, IPT, gestalt), and I take medication. I am treatment-resistant, so this is a continual struggle. But I also wonder if there could be something else going on, or some way to address the studying problem directly.

I am often too afraid/overwhelmed/scattered to even open my agenda, or look at the course outline and figure out what needs to be done. I am often afraid to check my school email or the course website for announcements.

And I have a hard time sitting down to actually study or do assignments. I am continually jumping up to do something else, or feeling like I am going to fall asleep. I feel resentful about spending time studying -- like I am in jail for a crime I didn't commit. It doesn't help that I am a mature student with lots of work experience in my field under my belt, and taking courses sometimes feels like a ridiculous waste of my time. But I want this damn degree, and I need the professional qualifications.

I am also pretty disorganized much of the time, and it feels exhausting to have to clean off my desk/study area before I can even sit down to get to work. I try a lot to *get* organized, but it's often just temporary, or else I can't face getting started on it in the first place.

I continually abuse the internet as a way of escaping my obligations and attempting to lower my anxiety. I'm currently using Leechblock to help with this particular symptom.

When it comes to tests and exams, I feel I cannot study for them because I am so afraid I feel paralyzed. Once I'm *in* the exam, taking it, I'm fine and can pull answers out of my ass. But getting there is the problem. I am convinced I am going to fail every single test before I take it -- even though, 90% of the time, I pull off an A or B with little to no preparation.

I am at my wits' end with this. It's looking like I won't actually be able to finish my degree + minor, even though I only have seven courses left. I'd also like to, you know, actually absorb and even enjoy some of the things I'm learning.

I have tried so many things -- school counseling, private therapy, etc. I have never looked into ADD/ADHD, but I'm not sure if that applies to me. I have appointments with a learning specialist and my pdoc coming up, but I am wondering what fellow Mefites with similar studying issues have done to help themselves -- have you read good books, done a particular type of therapy, taken a certain medication, organized your study area in a certain way, or figured out some personal system that helps you to study when you feel you can't or won't?

I've also read the previous AskMes on similar topics a number of times, but feel free to point them out if there's something I missed.

What's that unusual gift?

horseblind — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 08:26:30 -0800

Help me find that elusive gift! Looking for a gift for a friend. Incredibly smart woman in her early thirties and has the following likes:

TV: Dr. Who (new and old alike), Red Dwarf, Torchwood, Buffy
Books: Sergei Lukyanenko's "Nightwatch", "Daywatch etc., Douglas Adams
Hobbies: Knotting, former Sudoku addict
Music: Reel Big Fish, Trans Siberian Orchestra, alternative set
Other: Live comedy, Good eclectic food, Art shows, Craft shows, Techie IT employee, geek with geeky sense of humor

If the above describes you, what would you want? What's the unusual gift that I'm overlooking? If possible, it should be readily available in the St. Louis regional area without having to order it and have it shipped.

slip sliding away.

mecran01 — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 12:19:18 -0800

I've installed laminate flooring about a year ago, and individual pieces are sliding around. I don't know if this is because the ridges on the short ends have broken, or whether it's a change in weather, or crud has slipped into the spaces.

Shameful confession: I have not installed the baseboards or transitions yet. Will they help reduce slippage?

Can I glue the sliding pieces together? I have seen recommendations for "blue fusion" a pv 2 glue.

This only happens in two high traffic spots.

Help me stop procrastinating and get my work done!

dumbledore69 — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 08:42:06 -0800

I cannot seem to stop procrastinating on a work project, and the deadline is looming. I have no doubt that I can get it done if I can just make myself get the work done, but I cannot make myself concentrate and buckle down and get it done! Basically, I have about a week to get something I had over a month to complete. Putting things off until the last minute is nothing new for me, but my serious inability to make myself work despite getting rid of all distractions is new.

I know I can get it done, but I am constantly having panic attacks and having trouble concentrating on my research and writing. I’m unable to sleep without medication, or relax at all. I wake up still feeling exhausted and stressed out. My stomach has constantly been upset and my body aches and my eye twitches I have had pretty much no joy in my life for over a month because of this, and yet the more I try to buckle down and convince myself that nothing will fix this but getting some work done, the harder it seems to be. I can’t stop thinking about how this is all my fault and how I should have been done by now, not just barely getting started. And while I know this is counterproductive, I can’t seem to stop it.

I have uninstalled IM tools (coworkers use them, but it’s not required, so I got rid of them), installed LeechBlock to block everything from Facebook to Google Reader to all web mail. I’ve been reading The Now Habit and various articles on ending procrastination. I have had trouble breaking this project down into sub tasks… it’s updating a large document based on a couple of other large documents that are highly technical, and I just keep reading and re-reading my source documents, making plans, checking my calendar, checking my schedule, worrying, trying to calm down, etc etc etc.

I met with the NP who I work with about my anxiety (which has always been pretty severe) and depression and her focus is mostly on sleep. We’ve tweaked my antidepressants and switched from Ambien to trazodone for sleep, but while I think this will help in the long run, I need to get myself to get work done NOW.

Has anyone gone through this? Does anyone have any advice to just make myself get this done in spite of a really bad bout of anxiety and depression?

Too much time, too much to do.

SNWidget — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 08:54:40 -0800

TemporalFilterRedux: I've got about two weeks (starting today) before my graduate classes kick back up. I have a bunch of things I need to take care of between now and then, in no particular order. I've always had a problem with time management (as previous questions of mine demonstrate), so I'm looking for advice on how to deal with this two week block, and how to make sure that I get everything, and don't just sit around, watching TV. There are errands, things around the house, and prep for school that all needs to get done. Unfortunately, I work best on a schedule that is imposed by others - whenever I make my own deadlines, I feel no problem just breaking them.

I'm looking for general advice on how to parse up this amorphous blob of time and get my things done - if my track record is any indication, I'll come up with grand plans and lists, and then never quite figure out an order, so I'll sit around and play "Turtles in Time" on my SNES emulator.

Some example things I need to take care of: deposit checks, clean kitchen, pick up something at the mall (20 minutes away), book a hotel for next weekend, go up to campus (30 minutes away), spend a few hours there doing a menial task for my instrument (making reeds), call my bank, etc etc.

I have (most) of these things out of my head. I just can't organize them into a way I feel that is "most efficient," so I just don't do any of them. My brain works in very screwed up and mysterious ways sometimes.

I've been working on time management issues I posed in a previous question, but this is different for me - it's the combination of having a bunch of little (and some big) things to do, but without any sort of constraints on them.

Any advice on how to deal with this? The reason that this is pressing is not so much that everything I need to do in the next few weeks is mission critical, but that I'll be starting my masters thesis in the fall, and that is sort of the definition of a large project with lots of steps over an amorphous period of time. And I'd like to have this worked on by then...

Thanks in advance, HiveMind.

I have an awesome job - but I'm too afraid to actually work?

Anonymous — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 09:14:04 -0800

I have an awesome job - but I'm too afraid to actually work? Three weeks ago I started an awesome internship that I really looked forward to. I am assigned to develop a consulting product on my own in a specific area of expertise. I am to look at structures/build the first presentations and check if this endeavour is worthwhile for the organization. Awesome.

As I'm sitting here - three weeks after the internship started I have worked on pretty much nothing. I am not only lacking meaningful results, but have spent scarce time on actually working on anything. A six page presentation on the topic my supervisor wanted to see is all I have gotten done up to now.

I sit down at the computer, get up again after five minutes and start watching DVDs for whole working days. On some days I don't even launch Powerpoint. When setting up meetings with associates of the company I skip the appointments using lames excuses because I didn't properly prepare the meetings (although I had both the time and expertise to do so). Stress used to be my best motivator in getting stuff done on time (during my studies) - and appointments usually got done on time. But stress doesn't do it anymore. It seems like my expectation of stress leads me into a circle that ends in me shutting down completely - essentially doing nothing (causing even more stress).

Every day I try to get up at 8 and there have been multiple times of me sleeping in until 11/12 (even though I went to bed at around midnight) - sounds like total avoidance to me.

As the company office is a little further away from my home we have an agreement that I can decide on my own when I want to come in to do interviews and such which lead to me spending about half my time at home and half my time at the work place. Unfortunately it does not make a difference whether I am at work or at home to get my job done.

I read through many of the earlier threads on procrastination and found some valuable advice there. I read "The Now Habit" and a few other books and I think I know most of the theory behind my problem. I know that I should break my work into smaller parts and tackle them in single steps, break out of patterns immediately, get started early, define free time slots, turn off the internet. Still - my (self-destructive) behaviour is something I can't get a handle on.

As I have four weeks left (and the deadline approaching) I am thinking about getting an external writing coach to give me some structure and guide my thoughts/working behavior - I don't think I can approach anybody within the company as they're all pretty stressed out themselves - willing to help with my work (doing interviews and such) but certainly not willing to administer my break-out of procrastination.

E-Mail contact via: asdadqdasd@yahoo.com

Going back to school at 29

mokeydraws — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 11:05:41 -0800

Teach me how to study, please? I am 29 and going back to school to complete my BA. I haven't been to school in around 4 years. I don't think I have ever studied for anything. I started college straight out of high school back in 1998! Goddamn it. Ok. So it has been bothering me for a while that I never finished and I finally got my shit together in line with all of the deadlines and am registered for 2 courses in the fall. Going over my school history made me realize that I am generally lacking in the motivation area and have never really studied or prepared for a course or exam or paper. I passed a bunch if I liked them, failed if I didn't like them.

I do want to get a higher level degree and move away from these administrative jobs which is a special kind of hell for me. How do I get there. I am a complete failure in the science and math areas. I tend to do better in the reading/writing specific classes but when it comes to writing papers and studying for exams I get stuck. Procrastination is a major problem as well. I'm in a loser/slacker zone.

How do you get motivated, stay motivated, and study. Especially when you are 29 and this is all new for you??

Paging Julia Cameron!

mynameisluka — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 17:26:28 -0800

Published writers, how did you deal with post-sale paralysis? Nutshell version: How did you deal with post-sale paralysis and write the damn book anyway?

Longer version: So...I got The Call, The Deal, The Contract, even The Check for a non-fiction book with a major publisher. And now I have a January 15 deadline and a contractually-stipulated word count and the flashing cursor of doom and I am just paralyzed.

Though my deadline is in January I need to come in significantly ahead of deadline to give my agent time to read and make suggestions/revisions. My general outline is pinned down and I'd wager I have 10% of an incredibly shitty, incredibly amateurish and dismal first draft written. And here I have stalled, paralyzed and terrified.

Tactics I have tried thus far: bribery, fear, spreadsheets, gold stars, mockery, marathon writing sessions.

If it helps, I have a history of procrastinating on projects until deadlines loom large and then finishing them with guts and glory at the last possible minute. This approach is not an option for this work. It won't be good, and plus it deserves my time and attention. In addition, I am a full-time freelance writer, so it's not like I fear the editorial process or deadlines in general. I'm just scared.

Any advice/suggestions? Commentary on how amateurish first-timers should not attempt to sell books that haven't been completed yet is unwelcome at this point, since all non-fiction sells on proposal and since it may cause me to freak. :)

I want you to un-fix my internet!

gakiko — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 22:47:20 -0800

I have a TP-Link TL-WR340GD router and 2 PCs: one of them is connected to the router through wireless, the other through a LAN cable. I'd like my router to cut off my internet every day at some fixed hour without me changing anything on the 2 PCs. Is this even possible? Of course, I'd like the router to give me back my daily internet at some (later) hour, preferably again without my intervention.

Collateral damage is acceptable: I don't use the local network for anything, so it doesn't matter if the PCs can't see each other, and it doesn't matter if the wireless function of the router is disabled.

I'm also ok with running a sort of script from my PC every day, if that's what it takes. Both machines run on WinXP.

It's more important to disinternetify the cabled machine, the one connecting through wireless is not so problematic.

How much procrastination is normal?

Anonymous — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 12:57:39 -0800

How do I know if I'm working as hard as I should be, or if I'm slacking off too much? Over the past year, as I've started work in a fairly prestigious academic setting, I've been experiencing a lot of anxiety that I'm not working hard enough or being productive enough. From what I understand, it's not an uncommon feeling for people when they're in a competitive culture where working five, ten, twenty extra hours (unpaid!) a week is encouraged.

I've felt like I can't possibly be working hard enough, even though my boss has been nothing but positive about my performance. She is a very busy, hard-working person herself and she doesn't see the amount of procrastination I do (although she's not absentee, either - I would say we have meetings about what I get up to 2-3 times a month). On the other hand, my best friend pointed out that *everyone* procrastinates *sometimes*. I found myself wondering... if everyone fools around a little now and then, how much is average? How much is ideal?

I haven't had much work experience before - I'm 25 - so I don't know what's normal even for me. I sometimes have days when I work without stopping but generally take at least an hour out of my 8-hour work day to fool around on the internet in various ways. If I am feeling very anxious about a particular project, I can procrastinate starting it by not working for an entire day or even two. Like, *nothing* done except maybe answering a few emails.

Is this normal? Totally beyond the pale? What has your experience been, and have you found that the amount of procrastination you do is a problem when it comes to succeeding in your work life?

Help me get my leechblock back!

altolinguistic — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 07:04:13 -0800

Firefox add-ons have stopped working - help! Details: two PCs, one desktop, one laptop, both running XP Pro, and Firefox 3.0.10 with the following add-ons installed (on the laptop; the desktop has fewer, but the same problem has arisen):

Adblock Plus (NOT working)
Athens Toolbar (UK academic: working fine)
AVG Safe Search (?)
British English Dictionary (?)
Chatzilla (?)
Dictionnaire HunSpell en Francais (?)
Greasemonkey 0.8.20090123.1 (?)
Java Quick Starter (?)
Leechblock (NOT working)
PC Sync 2 Synchronisation Extension (Nokia phone related - no idea if working or not)
RealPlayer Browser Record Plugin (greyed out with "Not compatible with Firefox 3.0.10" comment: I don't need it, and can't uninstall it as far as I can see).

Those with (?) next to them, I either don't use, don't know what they are or don't care if they are working or not.

Leechblock and Adblock Plus, though, are essential to my working life, and I'd love to be able to use them again. I seem to recall that NoScript (which I don't have installed on the laptop, but I do on the desktop) isn't working either. By "not working" I mean that in the Add-ons menu they appear to be installed and operational - there is a "disable" button by each one - but none of my Leechblocked sites are blocked, and I see all the ads that used to be hidden from me.

I've searched around but can't filter through the information to get to the relevant parts. Can anyone help?

Bad id! No biscuit.

Bardolph — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 14:51:41 -0800

Curbing impulses: what are some simple, in-the-moment tricks for interrupting reflexive behavior patterns and restoring self-control? The behaviors I've got in mind are mostly pretty minor, related to your garden-variety procrastination, mild social anxiety, and bad conversational habits. Problem is, though, that after years of self-indulgent reinforcement, I do a lot of this stuff semi-automatically-- emotional impulse leads seamlessly to problem behavior, without any self-conscious decision point in between. At the time, I may have a passing sense of "oh shit, here we go again," but it's not like there's ever a moment where I deliberately choose to duck into the bathroom instead of chatting to the passing coworker, or to click into Firefox instead of getting started on that dreaded monthly budget.

All this means that I'm at kind of a loss as to how to deal with these bad habits-- I understand and am working to address the bigger issues behind all this, but in the short term, fixing my thought patterns doesn't do much for what are, essentially, thoughtless actions. What I need are some on-the-spot ways to interrupt the knee-jerk impulse/action coupling, so I can get hold of myself, think, You know, I really don't want to do this, and with luck gain time to force myself into what I (rationally) know to be the correct behavior.

Since we're talking about automatic or sub-conscious behaviors, I'd be especially interested in possible physical/bodily interventions (for instance, a counselor friend tells anger-management clients to curb violent impulses by sticking their hand in a bucket of ice water-- anything like that, but less damp and messy?). Really, though, I'd welcome creative self-discipline suggestions of all stripes. O self-mastered Mefites, how do you do it? Teach me your secrets!

Extreme procrastination

Anonymous — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 09:19:42 -0800

I'm in trouble because I try to ignore trouble. I'm very afraid of suffering. Therefore, when anything could have an adverse effect on me, I try to avoid it.

This leads to problems: I haven't been reading my main email account for 5 months. I'm simply too afraid of what it may contain.

Now I need to check on that account: it's how I'll know I have graduated. In fact, to keep my current (well-paying) job, I need to have graduated. But altough my grades were all good in my last semester, I don't know if I've actually graduated, because I haven't been checking my email.

I should be able to get myself to do it, but I haven't [I have a drinking problem -- probably the subject of a future askme].
My family lives a few hours away, but I'd like to keep them out of the loop. I know they're in a very good position to help me, but I want, as close as is possible, to keep a "not-a-total-fuck-up" self-image.
My friend live in other cities. I'm also scared-to-death of them. [self-defeating? you bet.]

I need basic help to do basic things: check my email, get my situation at work regularized, renew my public health insurance [my situation has been going on for several months; I've been avoiding all obligations I could]. Given what I read about social workers on mefi, I think one would be able to help me [fill forms, check out on me; etc.]. But I don't think I fit the traditional profile: as long as I keep my job, I do alright monetarily; alcohol is the only drug I use; I'm college-educated.

I realize I need to get help. A few years ago, I tried talk therapy for 10 sessions and it didn't lead to much [maybe a longer approach would work; this would be more expensive, but is alright as long as I keep my job]. I will try to talk to my union representative tomorrow (I don't think I'm in any shape to work).

I live in Gatineau, Quebec; you can reach me at earltremblay@yahoo.ca

Avoiding the deadly confluence of procrastination and self-destruction

Anonymous — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 13:56:31 -0800

I have Important Things I Have To Do, but I'm having trouble doing them. Instead, I find myself wanting to do a variety of plainly self-destructive things. This happens to me a lot-- but why, and how do I deal with it? The more important the task at hand, the closer the dead line, the worse it gets. I absolutely need to get something done, but instead I start doing really dumb shit.

This is different from the "ordinary procrastination" that I also experience, where I do enjoyable or neutral stuff (like watching movies, surfing the internet, reading for pleasure, cleaning house) instead of my work. Instead, I want to things that not only distract me from what I need to do but actively interfere with my ability to perform: getting drunk or high at ten in the morning, eating candy until I feel like I'm gonna puke, taking OTC sleeping pills and spending the whole day in bed.

This second, particularly ruinous kind of procrastination is more likely to happen when the thing that needs doing is especially important or daunting. Obviously there is some element of anxiety here that is disabling me. But why does it manifest itself so disastrously?

Therapy would probably be a good idea and I'm looking into it. But I don't have insurance, blah blah blah, and it'll probably take a while for me to get things rolling. In the mean time I have Very Important Things To Do, so how can I deal with this problem right now? Any insights into causes or advice about solutions is welcome. Thank you.

Self directed cognitive behavorial therapy?

Anonymous — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 14:40:42 -0800

What are my options when I have decided that I want to receive cognitive behavioral therapy, but I live in a non English speaking country with few mental health resources in general? I have recently come to terms to the fact that I have had a long term mild depression. In depression questionnaires I consistently score right above or below the minimum score for depression. I have no suicidal thoughts, so I am in no immediate danger, but I do engage in self destructive behaviors, that I really want to stop.

The largest of these is severe and absurd procrastination. By severe I mean that I procrastinate on things that are very important to my future, in work and in relationships, often to the point where the don't get done. And by absurd I mean that I procrastinate in really stupid ways. For example working for a month on a project and almost finishing it, but then delaying sending an email to my boss for weeks to ask about a few minor details that would take less than an hour to fix, or getting up on time to get to some important appointment, but then deciding that I need to finish a chapter in the book I am reading on the toilet so I am an hour late.

Time spent on the internet is a huge part of this, and one of my favorite ways to procrastinate is to look for solutions to my problems. From these searches, I have decided that CBT is the best way for me to go. I like the theory behind it and I think it is a good fit for the way I think.

However, I live in a non English speaking country that has poor mental health services in its own language let alone in English.

So what are my options as far as therapy goes? Have people been successful with do it your self CBT? I've seen a few sites for online therapists, but they I haven't been impressed with what I've seen. Any experiences with therapy, through chat or email? Any other thoughts or suggestions?

*I would be willing to give anti depressants a try, but I am not sure that I need them. I also would like to take them under care of a English speaking psychiatrist, but I do not have insurance coverage back in the states.

5 Hours later...

SNWidget — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 10:33:17 -0800

TemporalDisturbanceFilter: I seem to lose time. Or, more specifically, I'm one of those people that needs to get a bunch of things done, but I can easily sit on my laptop and play flash games for what turns into 4 hours. How do I break this habit/get my stuff together? I've found a few previous threads that are similar to this, but I'll take any other advice I can get.

It comes up with anything - for example, I'm on Spring Break this week form my graduate studies, and I'm sitting at home. Today, my fiancee asked me to take care of the laundry, clean the kitchen, and basically just tidy up. Not unreasonable.

I've been up since 9:30am, and I haven't done a thing but sit on my couch, go through websites, chat with people, and basically screw around. Hell, I booted up Netflix and watched 3 episodes of something I've already watched a million times.

I can't break out of this - this is what I do all the time. It happens in the evenings as well, and it's really starting to effect my relationship. My fiancee will go to sleep at 11, and I'll say I'll be in in a minute. Cut to 4 hours later when I'm stumbling in at 3am. She says she's not mad, but she deserves better than never getting the chance to sleep and pillow talk with me.

It's not any one thing I fixate on - it can be wikipedia, it can be reading blogs, it can be watching DVDs of Ducktales, or even some more "adult" activites, but the main problem is that they all form a time sink I can't escape.

My other problem (which is probably tangentially related) is that I severely overestimate the amount of time it takes to do something. Say, I only have 4 hours before a rehearsal, and I'm at home. I think, well, I should throw in a load of laundry... but I don't have time for that. Clearly, I have the 2 minutes it takes to throw in a load, but in my mind, it feels like I should partition out hours and hours for that.

So, MeFi, how do I escape the time sink? I'm doing pretty good in my graduate classes, but I'm starting my masters thesis up soon, so I feel like I need to shed this. How do I stop losing so much time, and do what I need to do?

Help me block some software and some internet at some times.

If only I had a penguin... — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 18:59:31 -0800

I would like to find software that will restrict both software use and access to particular internet sites (by whitelist or blacklist) based on the time of day. I would like to be able to set my computer so that during particular hours in the week it will not run particular programs. Further, I would like to keep internet access always available, but during some hours I would like to either restrict it to certain web sites or block certain websites *cough*metafilter*cough*.

I found Chronager in a previous AskMe, but that either blocks the internet all together or blocks particular programs from accessing the internet. It doesn't seem to allow one program (firefox, explorer, etc.) to access the internet but only for particular sites. Ideally said software would be non-trivial to override (more than a ctrl-alt-del).

I'm thinking software designed for parental computer filtering and monitoring is my likely best bet. I'm not looking at router solutions because I would also like to block non-internet-based programs. I am willing to pay for such software.

Yes, I realize I'm looking for a technological solution to a social problem and that no technological solution will be perfect. Please help me find an imperfect solution anyway.

mISO bored

Christ, what an asshole — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 01:10:45 -0800

ProcrastinationFilter: What are some good search terms to plug into Youtube's search engine for an ample stream of entertainment? Some good ones I've discovered: faceplant, heckler, crazy lady

How to control worry and focus on what needs to get done?

Anonymous — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 05:05:11 -0800

How do you stop worrying so you can work? When you start to freak out with worry, how do you stop? With a big deadline looming at work, I have found myself getting so overwhelmed by worry that I can't think straight and therefore can't work. I have to take a walk to stop internally freaking out ("oh my god oh my god oh my god").

I mostly worry I won't finish in time. I also worry that outsiders will find a mistake in the report or the method. I feel responsible for the reputation of the entire group. This is a long-term project, so I worry people will think "he worked on this for how long and still, this part isn't perfect?"

I particularly am having trouble making a final "to do" list, because as I think about certain loose ends, I get really critical of myself for not having finished them yet. They are 99.9% done, but that 0.1% gap seems hard to close. There are only one or two steps for each, but I have trouble thinking about them because I get derailed into thinking "oh my god, Important Step B is not 100.0% done, what have I been doing with my time, how could I be so stupid, someone else should be in charge of this project, am I even going to finish this?"

But when I am calm, things seem manageable. I can get myself organized to finish things up on time. I can list the Important Steps and the few "to do" items that would close that 0.1% for each of them, and it's a realistic amount of work to do. I can also see that, in reality, the project will never be perfect. There will always be ways that others could improve upon the work, and that's just the way these projects are.

Do you have any tricks to help me shift back into being calm and productive when I get into that freaked out state? This is a fairly new thing for me (well, I can see hints of it in some procrastination in college, and it's gotten worse around deadline times over the past few years), so I don't have good tricks yet. What works for you?