Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with preschooler

My child will be in Depends at his 2032 freshman orientation.

Leezie — Mon, 06 May 2013 14:56:52 -0800

Potty trainers of MetaFilter - parents, non-parents, if you have any modicum of experience potty training, please help! I have no prior experience with kids or potty training them. Even our animals came to us trained to use the litter box or backyard. I need some serious help with a dose of reality. Are we doing this right? Are our expectations in line? Is our kid going to be in Depends at his freshman orientation?

Kid is 3 years (just turned on St. Patty's day) and it seems like we're in a holding pattern on potty training. We started him on training in January but it was piece meal and there was lots of disruptions for the first few months. We really got serious about 6 weeks ago.

We have a training potty for him that frankly seems too small (he's easily 3.5 feet tall and about 45lbs). We have a seat for the top of the big potty that he refuses to use. He wears underwear most of the time. He goes to daycare M-F where they also work with him to potty train. And yet, we're not making any headway on pooping in the potty, letting us know when he needs to poop, or using the big potty. Here's a typical day:

He's in overnight diapers. We get up, ask if he wants to go potty to which he usually replies no. I have him pick out his underwear which he can put on himself. This morning, he did this and then told me - Look mommy! I'm peeing! - IN THE BED. I reminded him in a somewhat stern voice that he needs to do that in the potty and asked him why he didn't tell me he needed to go. His answer was basically like, I just told you I went. I made him take off his underwear and put them in the hamper.

At school, they will put him on the potty anywhere between every 1/2 hour to every hour. So, his pee accidents are pretty low. But, he also gets really aggravated at them for making him sit on the can so often. He has pooped in the potty once at school on purpose. The rest of the time, he has either gotten off the potty and then pooped in the corner OR he graduated to just pooping in his underwear. We've offered no small amount of bribes for pooping in the potty, which he knows of and apparently lusts after, but they haven't sealed the deal.

I asked him the other day why he doesn't like to poop in the potty and he mentioned something about there being bears in there - whether it's the potty or his poop, I don't know. Apparently, he will go and inform a teacher that he pooped and that they need to clean it up. I want to tell them to make him clean it up next time he does it (not to do the revulsion thing, but more that he needs to be responsible for the consequences).

When he gets home, we ask him again if he needs to use the potty and the answer is usually no. If we insist that he sit on the potty, we get a meltdown. I'm sure it's because he's tired from his day and just wants to sit and watch Backyardigans but his level of pee accidents increases exponentially around this time so it almost seems like malpractice to not put him on the pot.

Is 6 weeks too long to be at this point? Too short? Is there something we can try that we're not? He has no developmental delays or issues. He's got great verbal skills and understands the basic concepts. My gut tells me he's enjoying the attention of Skittles for peeing but can't really be bothered to do the harder stuff like sitting on the big potty and pooping. I'm completely out of my element here, so any advice, anecdotes or resources would be greatly appreciated.

Go the f&*% to Sleep - 3 year old Edition

Leezie — Tue, 09 Apr 2013 07:36:16 -0800

3 year old son (just turned 3 on March 17) is also potty training after we moved into our new house two weeks ago and he will NOT. Go. The. F&@*. To. Sleep. at night without godawful whining, crying or begging to go to the potty. Before you call CPS, here's the deal - hubby puts him to bed exclusively since hubby declared early on that he cannot handle baby sister (4.5 months) bedtime after a stressful day of work. Who am I to argue with him since I love snuggling baby girl and toddler boy's shrill whining is like nails on my chalkboard? Also, hubby does have a more stressful job than I do with a 1 hour commute each way and I get the luxury of a 5 minute commute (but have the majority of morning and afternoon child duty).

Kiddo usually has lights out at 7:45 - it's been creeping slowly over the past year and I think it's now too late because he then spends the next 30-45 minutes whining/crying/whimpering. He's not in pain, it's not a dark-scary-monsters issue. It's a "I'm convinced there are more interesting things going on when I'm in bed than you are letting on" and he wants to be a part of it. We are not toilet training for nighttime yet - still working on just day, so he's in a super duper overnight diaper and has already had his before bed potty break.

So, this means he's not quiet and sleeping until at least 8:15 or 8:30 and then he's back up by 6am the next morning which means hubby and I have very little unwinding time at night. How do I get him to go to sleep when he gets in bed without the dramatics?

He has a daily nap at daycare and if they are reporting it correctly, it's from about 12:15 to 3. Am I correct in thinking this is too long? Are there other tricks we can use? I'm really trying to avoid bribery since that sets up unrealistic expectations later on.

Help me Hive mind. We just want to watch Game of Thrones in peace.

Teaching kids to deal with frustration

drezdn — Fri, 28 Dec 2012 09:19:36 -0800

How did you teach your toddler/pre-schooler to best deal with frustration?

Transition from nap to quiet time

k8t — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 15:29:32 -0800

NapFilter. I think that my kid is done napping. How can I set up 'quiet time' for him? My kid (age 3 years, 2 months) is probably done napping. He won't go down for ANYONE, regardless of the stability/routine/his tiredness/etc.

He has always been tough to get down - needs cuddles, etc. but I'm pretty sure that we're at the end of our rope. It has been about 2 months since he's had more than 1-3 naps each week.

For everyone's sanity I'd like to institute 'quiet time' but want to go about it smartly. (I think that we'll probably keep trying naps for another few months, for what it's worth... I'd really like for him to nap.)

Details:
- Because preschool goes until 1, naps haven't been happening until 2pm. Maybe this is the problem? He wakes up around 7:30-7:45am.
- He sleeps with us at night, but he does have a bedroom (which is used by a neighbor child once a week or so when we host the babysitter). Neither bedroom has any toys in it, but we could out some books.
- He is in the habit of having a parent sit with him until he falls asleep (I know... I know... this is what happens when you have a child while writing a dissertation.) But he did successfully put himself to bed with various sitters.
- He is at another house 1.5 days a week. He is at preschool 3 mornings a week. I put him down in the afternoons ~3 days/week. Dad does weekends.
- We're not cry-it-out people. He is not a cry-it-out kid. I am willing to let him sit in the room while I sit outside the door through.

I envision a framing of 'quiet time' or 'alone time' in which he sits in the bedroom, lights dimmed, with books (I'd prefer that he not sit in there with an iPad, but...) for an hour.

Q1: Any suggestions - on framing or technique?

Q2: Also, should we be putting him to bed earlier? As it stands, he goes to bed at 7:30-8ish (after routine) and wakes up at 7:30-7:45ish. Dad doesn't get home until 6:30, so pushing dinner/bath/stories routine would be a little tough.

Any ideas on my kid's red cheek problem?

k8t — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 09:05:53 -0800

I have a red cheeked preschooler. Trying to talk to doc, but wanted thoughts from others. I've called our ped's office and haven't gotten answers, so I turn to MeFi for thoughts on avenues to explore.

My 3-year-old's cheeks turn red easily and the red rash is a little bumpy. It is enough that pretty much every day in winter, SOMEONE comments on his red cheeks. (This morning the school security guard said "it must be really cold out there - your cheeks are so red!") And for our holiday photos, the photographer had to touch up all the photos to reduce the red.

This happens when:
- Immediately upon being outside if under 50 degrees and/or wind blowing. Colder weather -> more redness in cheeks.
- When he's too hot (layers of clothes or wrapped up in too many blankets).
- After running around or dancing.
- After eating sometimes (but I haven't yet gotten into keeping good track of when this happens - but certainly when there is something new in the mix).
- When he has a fever/is sick it shows first in his cheeks.

He does have sensitive skin generally and we use all sensitive skin products on him.

I also have sensitive skin (especially reactions to chemical-y detergents/soaps/makeup), am very sensitive to cold, and have some food sensitivities that displays on my skin (like lips and face turning red when I drink red wine).

Photos -- I don't have pictures from when it is the worst, but to give you a sense:
Eating new things on Thanksgiving - hadn't been outside in hours.
Horsing around/roughhousing, hadn't been outside in hours.
This is in 50-something degrees.
Another 50-something degrees.
Another 50-something degrees.
This is in 40-something degrees.
Really cold outside.

Any ideas on what to be watching for and/or how to proceed with the doctor? I know that this isn't that big of a deal on the surface, but if this is part of some other health issue, I want to be able to follow up.

Preschool book recs please

k8t — Sun, 06 Nov 2011 15:47:41 -0800

Preschooler books - recommendations please! Despite having a gazillion board books, Little k8t, nearly 3, has moved on to longer books. (Damn you preschool!) /sarcasm

I used to live near an awesome used bookstore and stocked up on some preschooler books, but now I feel like we read the same couple every day - Walter the Farting Dog, Curious George Rides a Bike, Night Kitchen, Stone Soup... and we don't have a used bookstore nearby anymore, so Amazon it is.

And yes, we go to the library to spice things up, but I want some at home that I don't have to worry about about any damage. And our local library is really hit or miss for this age group.

Recommendations please! Hopefully ones that parents can enjoy too.

Bonus points: We had been reading the same go-to-bed books for over a year: Goodnight Moon, Goodnight Gorilla, Go to Sleep, the Sandra Boyton goodnight book. Any preschool books that we can swap out that still have a nighttime/go to bed theme?

Help us eliminate the invisible bear.

Nanukthedog — Sun, 21 Aug 2011 19:25:52 -0800

We need inventive ideas and strategies to help eliminate a seemingly invisible bear from our son's room (Slightly <3 yrs old). Two weeks ago, apparently a bear of some size decided to take an interest in our Son's bedroom. He appears some time in the middle of the night, and our son is pretty terrified of going to bed as a result. On night 3, of Beargate 2011, we contacted the pediatrician who talked us through getting him back in bed.

Well, he'll sleep now, but we have two nightlights and a dog sleeping in his room (ironically named Nanuk, which is Inuit for polar bear) in order to get him to sleep at night. We have used a can of dust-off to spray his room for bears. We have made a large sign over his bead that says "No Bears Allowed In This Room." As of yet though, we haven't been able to eliminate the bear.

What creative methods could we employ to help our son eliminate the eminent threat of this bear attack, and provide him proof that the bear is gone? Note: Ideally your suggested method should also not inadvertently hurt dinosaurs.

At your disposal are an assortment of toys, two dogs, two parents, and a resourceful toddler.

Game recommendations for a Monopoly-obsessed 5 year-old

alms — Wed, 02 Feb 2011 20:21:41 -0800

What games, puzzles, and activities would you recommend for my almost 5 year-old son who is currently obsessed with Monopoly (real life version) and Plants vs Zombies (iOS)? He learned to play Monopoly about six weeks ago. Since then he's probably logged 100 hundred hours playing with his parents, baby sitters, and even his stuffed animals. (Yes, he gets up in the morning before his parents are awake and plays Monopoly against his stuffed animals.)

He has all the prices of everything memorized. It's been great for his math skills (450 x 3? No problem.). He understands the strategy and the relative values of different property sets, etc, etc, etc.

Plants vs Zombies is a little different. He only gets to play that about 30 to 60 minutes a week. But he loves it and talks about it way too much, often to people who have no idea what he's talking about. As with Monopoly, he is very focused on the details --- comparing the details of one Zombie to another, trying to remember whether a certain plant appears in a certain level, etc.

Prior to these two games he went through a long obsession with mazes: doing them, even doing his best to create them himself, and talking about them a lot.

We'd like to encourage him in developing the strengths he's showing in understanding these games, and also help him diversify his interests (not to mention his topics of conversation). Cooperative games, games he can play with other people, and games/activities he can engage in by himself are all welcome.

Any suggestions?

I should add that we do lots of other activities with him: lots of reading (about to start on the third book in the Doctor Dolittle series), etc. But these games have captured his imagination in a way that other activities haven't.

Preschool workout

umbú — Wed, 19 Jan 2011 18:45:11 -0800

How best can I include my three year old in a strength workout? My son decided today that perching himself on my leg while I did this exercise was the funniest thing in the world. I would love to figure out a whole workout that uses the goofy little 3-foot tall 30-pounder instead of gym weights. Any tips out there? What are all of the ways you can imagine this working?

Help me potty train my four-year-old

Pater Aletheias — Fri, 12 Nov 2010 12:05:09 -0800

My four-year-old daughter is still not potty-trained. We've tried everything. What are we not thinking of? AJ turned four in July. She still has daily accidents. We're out of ideas.

We've done sticker charts and rewards. We've done naked days. We've put her in panties. She's watched Mommy go. We've read the potty books and watched the Elmo potty DVD. In fact, the Dora potty book was her favorite book for months and months. She goes to preschool twice a week and sees other kids going to the bathroom and staying dry and clean. We've tried sending her to the bathroom every half hour. And we're getting nowhere.

The kid is well-adjusted, super bright, and either right on target or way ahead in every respect except this. She understands the concepts, and she knows that she's supposed to use the potty. Occasionally she will ask to go pee, or even just go by herself, but she still has urine accidents and I don't think she has ever in her life managed to poop in the toilet.

Could there be some medical reason for this delay? She's completely healthy and has a good height and weight for her age. The only hint I have of a possible problem is that her stool is always soft. Not diarrhea, but it's never hard at all. Kind of like peanut butter. Once you get that image out of your head, if you can think of anything we're overlooking, either a magically effective potty training technique or some medical or other reason that she's not getting the hang of this, I will appreciate it greatly. If you come up with the winning solution, I will love you forever.

Oh, one other thing. She's never minded being messy. At all. She will happily sit in her poop, even in panties, for a long, long time. I do think that makes her less motivated than other kids, but even so, this is crazy.

Severe child sensitivity

esereth — Wed, 28 Apr 2010 08:56:00 -0800

I have no idea how to discipline my 3 year old's particular sensitivity. She's a well-behaved little girl, no aggression, no unusual introversion or other behavior problems. But if you tell her "no" or "stop" in even the gentlest of tones, she reacts like you've hit her. She crumples and then runs sobbing down the hall. EVERY TIME. She puts herself in the corner, or sobs in her bedroom.

She doesn't do it if a toy breaks, or if she loses something, or if she's not given a treat at the store. She doesn't do it with other children. Just when we express disappointment or chastise her.

I've tried ignoring the behavior, compartmentalizing it ("if you're gonna cry you have to go to the cry-corner") and teaching her to "breathe it out" (deal with her bad feelings). And I'm afraid I've certainly tried being angry at it. Nothing works, nothing stops these over-reactions.

Any experience on dealing with a massively sensitive pre schooler?

Help me write letters to my nephew

Katemonkey — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 13:14:48 -0800

What's the best way to talk to a four-year-old boy? My New Year's Resolution was to write a letter to my nephew every week. And, so far, I've been sending him two pages or so of handwritten (printed, naturally) stories about what I've been doing, about things I've seen, that sort of thing, with little drawings as well.

But I'm convinced that I'm doing it wrong. I spend most of my time worrying that I'll be talking over his head (despite trying to not use big words). He can't fully read yet - just pick out a few things - so I know his dad is reading them to him, so I shouldn't worry that much, but I still do, especially when he starts properly reading.

And I just don't know what I can talk about to him. I mean, he likes airplanes (of which I know nothing), Wonderpets (again, next to nothing), and Star Trek (of which I know lots, but mostly about how Kirk and Spock are getting it on), and although his dad and granddad are die-hard Republicans, they're also massive geeks, so science talk is always popular.

Recent topics I've included in my letters have been:
* Growing heirloom potatoes
* The Staffordshire Hoard
* Being a web designer
* Chinese New Year and the Chinese Zodiac
* Making terrariums
* New Year's Resolutions
* The weather (always a good one!)

I've thought about including how I went to see the Carolina Chocolate Drops and the evolution of the banjo, but is that too much?

But what on earth do I include? What's good? What might be over his head? What're good examples of books or webpages or whatever that match the four-year-old mentality? If you have a four-year-old, what sort of conversations do you have?

Nap time's over: now what?

levijk — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 10:42:51 -0800

How to occupy 15 non-english-speaking preschoolers/kindergarteners for four hours a day without toys, games, books, or crafts supplies? I volunteered to teach English to students in Africa but classes are now over and I have three weeks left. I've been assigned to a daycare center where I'm only required to play with the kids.

There are plenty of games that require no supplies, and also songs, but there is the language barrier to consider.
We have paper and drinking straws and I've got scissors on my pocket knife and that's about it. Simple origami comes to mind. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated!

Kid Friendly OS for windows pc

Mr_Chips — Mon, 11 May 2009 17:57:08 -0800

Recommendations for an Operating system for Kids ages 3-6 i have an older PC that is running XP that my 3 year old and soon to be 6 year old use. I set up a login for them that doesn't allow them to do too much damage, and i bought a mouse that allowed me to make any button they push do a left click only, but they tend to get a little crazy pushing buttons and clicking away, and often get "stuck".

I am wondering if XP has a setting or if there is a different operating system that i can load up that is easier to navigate for little kids.

My 3 1/2 year old is trying to put me in an early grave.

missuswayne — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 07:43:20 -0800

Help me deal with my defiant and difficult almost-4-year old. I know that defiant and difficult behavior is standard for the 3 1/2 year old set, but honestly it's wearing me (and my husband) down. DS turns 4 in July, and the last 6 to 9 months have been quite challenging. Insanely picky eating, refusal to cooperate in normal everyday stuff like brushing teeth and getting dressed, the torturous routine of going to nursery school two mornings a week - anything and everything is a battle. There's lots of random asserting of independence (coupled with random helplessness - "I can't do it, do it for me!").

On top of this, DD is one year old, and although DS clearly adores her, he's also a) jealous of her and b) completely opposed to sharing with her. 100% normal sibling rivalry.

MeFites, please share your best methods for coping with and managing the run-of-the-mill mayhem associated with raising a preschooler!

Should we invite the class?

LoriFLA — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 13:28:13 -0800

Birthday party etiquette question: Would it be in bad taste to invite my son's preschool classmates to his fifth birthday party? So far my child has been invited to two birthday parties this year. We didn't go to either. My child was sick and sleeping for the first party that was held earlier this year. I called the parent the morning of the party, apologized, and explained the situation. I'm glad we didn't go because the next day he had a rash. It was fifth disease. When I called, the mother said, "Oh I never knew you were coming in the first place." I left a message on her machine a week earlier stating that we would be there. She told me a couple days later that her husband had heard it and erased it on accident.

For the second party that was held a month or so ago, I completely forgot. I RSVPd, marked it on my calendar and I still forgot. I called and apologized that day and sent the present on the next school day.

Now it is time for my kid's birthday. I was going to just have a family party, but I kind of want to throw him a kid party. It is his fifth birthday and he has never had a party with kids, only family.

Would it be tacky to invite the class even though we missed these parties? There have been no other parties. The only two that we were invited to, we weren't there. The class is small, ten students including my child, and I want to invite everybody. Thanks for your input and advice.

I refuse to buy any more pull-ups

hollygoheavy — Wed, 27 Jun 2007 08:03:31 -0800

Why is my son suddenly peeing everywhere BUT the toilet? My 4 year old son has been potty trained for about a year and a half-no accidents either during the day or at night since he's been using the toilet and he was surprisingly easy to transition from diapers to underwear. Within the last month he's been peeing on the toilet seat (rather than lifting it up like he was taught), peeing on the cloth shower curtain (he totally is Picasso like in his aim) and over the weekend my husband caught him peeing in his trash can in his bedroom. WTF? We've asked him why he does this but he just hangs his head and doesn't answer. He says he doesn't have to suddenly go and it doesn't sting or hurt so I don't think he has a UTI.

Gifted toddlers

acoutu — Wed, 14 Dec 2005 23:46:17 -0800

Resources for parenting gifted toddlers and pre-schoolers. Several people -- ranging from former teachers to complete stranges -- have suggested my son may be gifted. I'm interested in books and resources on parenting gifted children during the toddler and pre-school years.

(I recognize that my son may not actually be gifted, but I'd still like to read up on the subject, just in case.) Thanks in advance.