Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with pregnant

Really, how screwed am I?

Anonymous — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 08:13:49 -0800

Am I being fired? I was recently converted from a full-time employee at a $5 billion multi-national company to a contractor working at the same company. Now, my contractor boss has called me in for meetings with the contracting company's HR rep for "issues". Oh yeah, I'm pregnant too. In July, my boss with the large multinational corp (who I'll call Big Company) called me into the office to say that I had two options since my position was being eliminated. I could take the severance package and be "laid off" or I could be converted to contractor and move to a lower level job I previously held at Big Company. My salary would increase a small amount to cover the additional cost for medical benefits with the Smaller Contracting Company. They repeatedly tell me it's not a demotion, but they had to make tough choices and thought that this would be a way to keep me in a job. I have had only positive reviews while being employed with Big Company.

When I looked into taking the job with the Smaller Contracting Company, several issues arose. The medical plan was not comparable which was no big surprise. I would earn less vacation, also not a surprise. However, I would have no maternity benefits. In addition, since I would not have been employed with the Smaller Contracting Company for more than a year I would not be eligible for FMLA. I brought this up as a serious issue and was given 6 weeks paid maternity. Finally, I was told that I wouldn't be eligible for COBRA because I was accepting the contractor role.

The contractor job is at Big Company, which is subcontracted by Small Company. I take the lower level contractor role at a slightly higher salary. My new boss, who is also a contractor, doesn't schedule regular one on ones with me or communicate to me in the same frequency or tone as my peers, generally avoids me, does not provide me the information I need to do my job, etc. Basically, we have some serious communication issues for which we are both responsible for.

I think the turning point of uncomfortable to serious was when I provided her feedback regarding one of my peers about 2 weeks ago. I covered for this person while they were on vacation and discovered many issues. In addition, I was asked by 3 coworkers in other departments to speak up about the issues surrounding this employee because many people feel that concerns voiced to my new boss have not been heard. When I raised the issues, my new boss got very defensive.

Monday she asked me to do something that I felt was unethical (I didn't tell her I thought it was unethical, but that's how I felt). I asked her to confirm with our finance folks on process before I proceeded.

Tuesday I worked from home and came in late Wednesday because we had gotten elevated risks on our baby for Trisomy 18. I was a total emotional wreck after receiving the news and thought it best to work from home. This situation has not helped me in "being cool". Between hormones and this news, I've pretty much cried at the drop of a hat.

Thursday she sends me a invite for me, her and her boss. I ask her boss about it and am told Small Contracting Company HR will be attending as well.

Friday we have the meeting and she pulls out a two page list of everything I'm doing wrong. I didn't keep my shit together and cry. I told her I felt cornered that the meeting came out of nowhere and that I wasn't prepared with my list of issues either. They call off the meeting because I'm a total wreck.

Now I'm sitting here trying to figure out my next steps. The fact there was a written list and the Smaller Company HR folks were there really makes me think they are trying to make a case for me to be fired.

Obviously, there's more to the story, but that's the general jist of it.

Here's the questions:
-Am I being fired?
-The nut in me thinks this may be a complex plot to eliminate me from the company in a manner that would have the lowest liability for the Big Company. Am I crazy?
-How should I meet with HR/bosses? I would like to propose we work on our communicating styles together in one meeting, so that at the next meeting we can discuss the "issues" in an understanding and supportive manner. Is this out of line? I hate the idea of preparing a tit for tat list and worry about delivering something like this.
-I have a multiple high risk pregnancy that makes it likely I may have pre-term labor. I am very worried about the stress on the baby and it contributing to this. My boss's boss has voiced a concern that may stress may be negative for my pregnancy. Should I ask to see if HR would be willing to make temporary medical accommodations for the stress induced by new boss? Ideally, I'd like to report to my boss's boss, although I am open to other positions. I think it would reduce stress dramatically.

Background:
The Smaller Contracting Company has over 50 employees, although maybe less than 150. It's hard to tell the total number because they work with a number of companies in the area.

I was employed with Big Company for 4 years. Big Company has serious financial troubles. There have been several rounds of lay-offs in the last year. In the past the lay-offs got rid of poor performers.

I will call a lawyer on Monday, but the meeting is on Monday, so insight is greatly appreciated.

This is in Texas.

We're pregnant; what do we do now?

drleary — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 20:57:03 -0800

Simple (hahaha) question; We just found out that we're pregnant this morning, what do we need to do now? Just this morning, we found out that we're pregnant (!), what do we need to do now? Prenatal vitamins, doctors appointments... what else? What did you do? I've read several lists that I've found on Google of what to buy and whatnot, but nothing about order to do things and what's MOST important.

I'm not talking about things to buy, specifically (although that's fine to include in your answer), but things to DO. Thank you so much, and wish me luck with my first!

What will happen with this job?

trillian — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 07:19:59 -0800

So, I'm hoping to get pregnant soon. Later on, how will this affect my somewhat physically strenuous job? One of my two current jobs is part-time, NO benefits, 10 hours a week. It's a pretty physical job -- standing for 95% of my shift, bending, pushing things, crouching, etc. Late in my pregnancy when it becomes difficult or impossible to do these things, could I be fired? Do I have to quit? Would I allowed to ask for non-physical tasks that are outside my normal job description, to do instead? (I want to work at this job as late in my pregnancy as I can, but don't plan to keep the job after I have the baby.)

All things prenatal in NYC

defreckled — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 09:54:43 -0800

We're expecting our first baby in January 2010, and I'm looking for recommendations for all things prenatal in NYC. Anything you can recommend from midwives and doulas to shopping and yoga would be greatly appreciated! We're happy with our obstetrician for now, and if we decide to deliver with an ob, we'll definitely want a doula there and ideally it would be someone who is a midwife/doula. There are so many of them in the city that I have no idea how to wade through all the names.

I've been looking for groups of expectant moms to meet in the city but it seems like most of the groups are geared toward new parents with babies. I have found some group exercise classes, but I'm only 15 weeks and not showing at all and I wonder if it would be weird for me to attend.

I'm sure I'm not asking all the right questions, so I would love advice from anyone who has gone through this.

What doesn't my pregnant wife know she needs?

um_maverick — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 09:52:33 -0800

Just found out that wifey is pregnant! I'd like to get her some small present(s), but it's too early for cravings, and she already has all of the books....what are some things that "all" pregnant wives need? Sorry if this is a dupe, but my searches kept on bringing up general pregnancy advice threads. We just found out that my wife is pregnant with our first. We're still at the very, very early stages, and while I'm aware that things can go wrong at this point, we're very excited. I'd like to pick up some things to help my wife, or generally just try to be a good husband. She has just about every "what to expect" as well as "funny pregnancy story" book printed. She's not craving anything yet, and has no outward body changes at this point, so new clothes/etc aren't going to work. She has been nauseous throughout the day (so much for "morning" sickness), but that's about it. Is there something that neither she nor I know yet that she's going to need? Should I just wait and address issues as they pop up?

Thanks!

So damn smug I need my own room.

shiu mai baby — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 07:15:45 -0800

Is it worth it to switch practices just to have a better shot at getting a private room? I'm pregnant, due at the beginning of October. While I'm technically classified as a high-risk on the account of being a diabetic, I've been very fortunate that everything has gone very smoothly so far. The practice of doctors that has guided me through this has been pretty great. I've had a lot of appointments, a lot of ultrasounds, and overall I've been very pleased with the people I've been working with. The only slight drawback is that it is a pretty huge practice, so while I know my main OB/GYN pretty well, there are about a dozen other OB/GYNs whom I haven't met, and my understanding is that, depending on when I give birth, any one of them could be delivering this kid.

Anyway, last night Mr. Shiu and I took the tour of the maternity ward of the hospital (call it Hospital A) that this practice is affiliated with. All told, it's a very nice hospital, and the MW seemed to be a good place to have a kid, with one major exception: they only have four private rooms, and all the rest can be converted to semi-private, if need be. Whether or not you get a private or semi-private room is luck of the draw, and whether or not your semi-private room has another patient in it is purely driven by how busy they are at that particular time. Pregnancy being the unpredictable thing that it is, there's no way to anticipate how busy they'll be when I go into labor, so maybe I'd get a private room, maybe I wouldn't.

And this is really, really worrisome to me (as if I didn't have enough to worry about, right?). The pregnancy has been a bit of a struggle for me, emotionally; like, I'm happy about it, obviously, but I've never been one of those OMG! BIOLOGICAL! CLOCK! women, I kind of hate the majority of twee shit that surrounds pregnancy and motherhood, and I am mortified at Victorian-era levels by even contemplating all the squicky details of the actual birth process. On top of that, I have a weird antisocial streak to begin with, which I can usually hide fairly well under normal circumstances, but I imagine that nice veneer will be thin and brittle indeed after the grueling process of giving birth.

Anyway, according to last night's tour, while the delivery is in a fully private room, you're in there for about two hours immediately post-partum before they move you into the room you'll be in for the rest of your stay. Maybe it will be private, maybe it won't, it all depends on volume on that particular day. Moreover, unless you luck into one of the four genuinely single-patient rooms, it might start out as private, but then you might get a roommate the next day. Can I just say, given all the details of the preceding paragraph, how very, very badly I do not want to share a room with another woman, separated by only a curtain? Seriously, the mere thought of it just makes me panicky. Not only that, but if you're sharing a room your S.O. can't stay overnight, whereas he/she can if you're in the room by yourself.

This morning I called the maternity ward at Hospital B in the area. It's a little farther away from us than Hospital A, but not unreasonably so. A friend of mine who lives in my neighborhood had her baby at Hospital B in February, and my next-door neighbor, who is also pregnant, will be having her baby there in January. According to the nurse I spoke to, the majority of the rooms in this MW are fully private, and they only do semi-private in the rarest of circumstances, e.g. when volume is ridiculously high. Furthermore, at the end of this month Hospital B will be opening their humongous new expansion, and when they do the maternity ward will be taking over the entire second floor, which means even more private rooms. As I said, this kid's not due until October, so things will almost certainly be settled with the expansion by the time I get around to having her.

On paper, at least, it would seem that Hospital B would be ideal. The problem, though, is that in order to have my baby at Hospital B I'd need to switch practices completely. Again, I'm technically high-risk, so this is a little more daunting than if it were a regular pregnancy. I have no idea how practices affiliated with Hospital B deal with high-risk pregnancies (although I'm certain that they do, they must), so I'm completely in the dark there. Since I'm diabetic, I have to be very closely monitored in the last eight weeks, too -- I have to go in for a fetal non-stress test twice a week. It also means that they might induce me early; at the very least, if I haven't gone naturally by my due date they are absolutely going to induce me on that date, because it's dangerous for women like me to go late.

So on one hand, I do feel sort of loyal to my practice, in that they've done a great job navigating me through this mess from the beginning, but on the other, I have major anxiety about sharing a room post-partum. Also, while I really like my current practice, it is, as I said, pretty huge, so I'm not, like, ultra-tight with any of the doctors. And I have no idea what to expect if I went to the other side of the fence. I'm fairly certain I'd be able to get a recommendation for a good doctor from one or both of my neighbors who are connected to two of the practices affiliated with Hospital B, but it's still a crapshoot. They'd probably be able to take care of me just fine, but there's no way to know that without actually pulling the trigger and making the switch.

Neither home-birth nor the crunchier birthing centers are options for me, given the high-risk status. Also, I <3 drugs, and intend to have the maximum amount of painkillers that they'll give me, so yeah, it's gotta be in a hospital.

And that's the conundrum currently percolating in my brain. Any suggestions, recommendations, and been-there-done-that insight would be deeply appreciated.

Making a book out of AskMeFi?

alona — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 03:37:51 -0800

I want to make a book out of AskMeFi threads. Any free programs that can help me do this? My brother and his wife are going to be first-time parents in around 6 months and I've compiled a list of 35 askme questions that may be relevant to them. I want to find some way to organize them on my computer using any kind of program, something with more book-like structure than Word, so that I can then print it out and bind it myself.

Fun but chillaxed

gnutron — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 10:04:43 -0800

EastBayFilter: Please suggest some fun but laid-back activities for a very pregnant woman's birthday this weekend in the SF East Bay or Marin. My wife's 30th birthday is this weekend. She also reaches full-term in her pregnancy this weekend. (Yay!)

But I am struggling to think of fun, unique activities or places for us to visit in the SF East Bay or Marin that would be suitable for her. Normally we would visit a nice park and go for a hike, but that ain't happening. Places the like Berkeley Rose Garden are too steep with too many stairs - and we have been to most of the East Bay parks anyway.

Trying to think outside the box of things we normally do. She suggested a telescope viewing at Chabot, which could be a great idea. I've also thought about a picnic at a nice accessible (but quiet-ish) park.

Are there other smartypants-type activities, museums or hidden gems in Berkeley that I'm missing? Bonus for dog-friendly ideas.

Not pregnant, but thanks for pointing out the belly fat.

heatherann — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 11:52:14 -0800

How do I get people to stop asking if I'm pregnant, or respond in a way that deters further inquiries? I've been married for a little over a year, I'm nearing 30, I carry my weight in my belly instead of my hips. I get it that people are curious, but it's none of their business. I'm getting it a lot at work. Straight questions (e.g. whispered "Are you expecting?" in the lunch room) and "jokes" about the "dangers" of hiring women my age*. When it comes round to family reunion time, my partner's aunts all zero in on me. Hell, they add me on Facebook just so they can ask about the rumour they heard (or invented) that I'm pregnant.

*Because we'll get pregnant, not because we'll go back to school or leave for a job that will pay us more money or any of those reasons.

I sort of knew to expect this when I got married, but it's so rude! What if I was trying, and failing? What if I was pregnant and not telling anyone yet? What if I had miscarried? What if I was struggling with an eating disorder and the question triggered fears I was fat? What I didn't share the surprisingly-common view that my sex life is a topic of polite conversation?

How can I respond to this in an effective way? Give them hell? Give them the silent treatment? Go the Miss Manners route and say "Why do you want to know?" What works?

Or, how do I become less offended by this invasion of my privacy? It smacks of sexism, particularly because no one asks my husband and they never asked when we were cohabitating but not married, and the jokes at work are really straying into "we're going to be pissed if you ask for maternity leave" territory. I feel like if I complain I'm going to be cast as over-sensitive, but I'm getting sick of fielding this question.

I'm just a girl who can't say no...

fermion — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 22:05:18 -0800

Song suggestions for a pregnancy-themed musical recital? (Broadway or opera preferred) A friend of mine who sings opera and musicals with various local organizations has recently become pregnant with her first child. She wants to put together a recital of pregnancy-themed songs, but she's having some trouble coming up with a good list. Can anyone suggest some fun and/or funny songs on the subject of pregnancy and childbirth that she can sing? She's a high soprano, if it makes a difference.

Miscarriage questions - please advise.

Anonymous — Thu, 07 May 2009 08:00:06 -0800

Need help diagnosing miscarriage/blighted ovum, specifics inside. Hi all, I'd love some feedback regarding the recent events in our pregnancy. This past Monday (3 days ago) my wife was 8 weeks pregnant. "Officially" pregnant - positive tests, all the symptoms (missed periods, sore breasts, enlarged belly, and confirmation from her OB/GYN). On Tuesday she experience heavy bleeding. Within hours she felt "different", and she seemed to know that she was miscarrying. Her breast soreness also decreased.

Wednesday she visited her doctor who performed an ultrasound and said there was an empty sac. They told her to come back for a followup ultrasound next week. She's experienced additional bleeding (not just spotting) and significant cramping as well.

Today (Thursday), she got a call from the Ob saying her bloodwork came back and her progesterone levels were very low, around 6.2 (they said they should be in the teens at this point). They want her to come back tomorrow for another round of bloodwork "before they can D&C".

So. To me, all signs point to a miscarriage of some sort - specifically an early pregnancy failure or "blighted ovum", as all the books/websites describe it. However, her doctor has never specifically said it IS a miscarriage, just told us the test results and basically said "tune in next time". Which is leaving us in an emotional wreck, without any idea what to do.

I guess my I'm basically looking for some form of confirmation. Some specific questions:

- Is there any chance that this is not a miscarriage? I've read about misdiagnosed blighted ovum scenarios, etc. One thing is for sure: We do NOT want to perform a D&C if there is ANY possibility of a continued pregnancy.
- Even if we get a followup ultrasound next week that shows an empty sac (at week 9), how can we be sure that there's still not a chance?
- What questions should we be asking the doctors about this situation?
- I know D&C is generally optional, and my wife is NOT AT ALL excited about having this procedure performed. But she's also terrified of the idea of letting it just "sit" inside her for an unknown length of time... How long should we really expect to wait for her body to eject it on its own? Is there some point where we should bite the bullet and have the D&C done?
- Any other relevant information would be great.

We're not looking for false hopes. We're basically resigned to the fact that this is a failed pregnancy one way or another, but our consciences will certainly not allow us to do anything to abort the pregnancy if there is any chance of viability. So what should we do, what should we know, and what should we ask?

(For those who care: We're doing "okay" emotionally. My wife is pretty fragile emotionally anyway, and she's been alternating between "trainwreck" and "sedate". I'm doing all I can for her - I took off work yesterday to take her out to lunch and walk the mall to get her mind off things, and I think it really helped. I'm taking care of the house, cooking, shopping, etc - she's off work and just taking it easy. We've drawn especially close these past couple days, and communicated openly about this situation, and I don't think there's much more we can do. The hardest thing for her is the not knowing - and when the doctor calls with an update that doesn't give us answers, only more questions, it destroys all the emotional progress she's made to cope with this and we have to start at square one. She just wants it to be over, I think, as sad as that fact is to handle. Also know that this was a planned pregnancy and that we're going to be trying again, but we're not about to throw this one out the window!!)

Can pregnant women eat store bought tarter sauce and mayonnaise?

GregX3 — Sat, 02 May 2009 18:06:31 -0800

Pregnant women are advised to not eat foods with raw eggs. I looked the the ingredients for standard store bought tarter sauce and it listed egg yolks. Is this safe to eat? Do all commercial products use pasteurized eggs? Is that a safe assumption to make?

Help me bond with my baby

murrey — Fri, 01 May 2009 09:19:05 -0800

I am 39 years old, 22 weeks pregnant with my first baby (a son) and I don't feel very maternal, for lack of a better word. It all feels very abstract and I find very little interest in baby-related things, learning about childbirth/child-rearing, etc. When does the baby excitement kick in for someone who has not historically been baby/kid crazy? This pregnancy was planned and I am happy that Mr. Murrey and I will be parents together. But it just seems so theoretical. I thought settling on a name and giving our son an identity would help (as opposed to calling him "the baby" all the time). But any benefit was minimal at best.

I thought actually looking pregnant (which has now come to pass) would help. Again, not really. I look at the baby in ultrasounds and it is fascinating, but still pretty abstract to me. Intellectually, I know the baby I see is growing inside of me, but I don't get all warm and fuzzy inside. My friends gave me all of this baby stuff (which is hugely appreciated), but I have barely researched anything else I might need.

My concern is that I know myself pretty well. When I am interested in something, I research everything I can on the subject. I am remodeling my house at the moment and can tell you what size gas pipe needs to run to a tankless water heater for it to work properly, but the thought of taking childbirth classes leaves me cold. I just want to show up and give birth.

By way of background, I have never had any interest in infants at all--still don't. It does not rise to the level of aversion, just extreme apathy. I start finding interest in kids when they can communicate (around 2). Can't say I have ever gravitated to the kids when I am at a kid-friendly function (which is rarely), but if I happen to find myself around them, I will engage with them and usually have fun.

I have friends with two young daughters (3 & 5) and I do seek them out and love them very much. I go to lunch with them (just the kids) every other week and love being around them.

I am not afraid that once our son is here, I will be a loving and committed mom. I just want to have more excitement about it now. Mr. Murrey and I were talking about it last night and he asked if I picture having our son there with us, as we will 4 months from now...Nope!

Anyone else ever have this problem? When does the mom-gene kick in? Is there a way to expedite this? I want to bond with my son now.

Scheduling a wedding around a family member's pregnancy?

Anonymous — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 14:08:00 -0800

I've recently become engaged and my fiancee and I were planning on getting married in the fall. We've learned that one of our sisters is pregnant and is due around the same time. How late is too late for her to travel? Are we being unreasonable in picking a date when we know there's a high likelihood she won't be able to come? My fiancee and I have been dating for several years, and have decided to wait until marriage before living together. We recently got engaged (yay!) and would obviously like to be married as soon as possible to start our lives together. We are planning on participating in Pre-Cana at our church, which requires a minimum of six months of preparation before a wedding. This puts us into the fall, and we had found a perfect date where our local church and priest would be available. Unfortunately, this would be only a few weeks (~3-4) before the aforementioned sister is due.

We are thrilled about the pregnancy but are conflicted about whether to delay the wedding or not. Our relationship with this sister is very important to us, and we know that she would be really upset if she wasn't able to attend. We would also be upset, but at the same time aren't sure how to balance that against having to postpone for several months.

Because of the holidays, delaying would push us into early next year some time. Based on the weather where we are planning to hold the wedding, doing it in the fall would be much better than winter. Additionally, delaying means several months more of waiting before being married. We'd essentially be postponing just for this one reason.

That said, a few questions for the hive mind. Obviously, you don't know us or our relationship with this sister. She lives about a 7-8 hour car ride away. Is it unreasonable for us to think she would be able to come? It's her first pregnancy, so she's being very conservative about things, and apparently her doctor has advised her not to travel so late. Are we being unreasonable for scheduling it when we know she probably won't be able to attend?

(Sorry for the generic speak, trying to keep this as anonymous as possible. Flames, comments, personal judgments to weddingdilemma@gmail.com.)

Bellying up in more ways than 1

Anonymous — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 06:19:48 -0800

I'm pregnant, social, and looking for your best excuses for not drinking alcohol (read: help me lie to my colleagues and friends). I'm newly pregnant, and not letting on to colleagues and friends yet. Today at an office event I grabbed a beer, and just held the bottle for hours, pouring some down the bathroom sink from time to time. That worked ok, but my closer friends will definitely notice my non-drinking before I'm ready to be outed, in about 6 weeks.

I've already thought of saying "I'm on antibiotics", and "I just got over my hangover from last night". In my circles, the phrase "I'm on a cleanse" is the same as "I'm pregnant".

So I turn to you, hive mind. Give me your best methods to deceive people around me into thinking I'm still drinking... just not tonight!

Can I be pregnant?

esolo — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 05:54:30 -0800

can I be pregnant? I've been on DEPO until few weeks ago, and used a condom every time since then. I have been on DEPO (injectable contraceptive) for 7 years, and went off it few weeks ago. It takes around a year for the cycle to normalize. Also, my partner and I have used a condom every single time since I went off.

However, my partner is freaking out that i may be pregnant, because of some changes in my body - tender larger breasts, spotting, etc. I think the chances are understandable given all the hormonal changes taking places, after I went off DEPO. It's illogical for me to run to a gynecologist for a blood test, given the facts. What do you think?

Help a pregnant lady get her Chupa Chups

agent99 — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 10:21:39 -0800

Where can I get Chupa Chups in NYC? I'd be willing to order them online, but so far I've only seen them on dubious candy wholesaler sites that have $100 minimums and charge $7 shipping for $1 of candy. In addition to being wonderfully delicious in their own right, they actually make my nausea stop, so this is for quasi-medical purposes. Thanks!

I'm having kittens?!?!!

cgg — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 08:09:47 -0800

I'm fostering a sweet affectionate girl cat who's also very, very pregnant. Although I've had many cats before, I've never had a pregnant one, and I've got a couple questions. I inquired about fostering to a local rescue group, and immediately they asked me if i'd be willing to take in this sweet girl. I couldn't say no. But now that I have her, I have a few questions. According the the woman at the shelter, she's probably 18 months old or so, is due in about a week-ish, and was probably dumped by her original owners in a barn when they found out she was preggers. She's way too affectionate to have not had a home previously.

1) She's got a bit of diarrhea. She came to me this way. I'm not sure what to do about this. I was sent home with dry cat kibble and cheapo Friskies wet food, but when I saw the loose stools, I stopped the wet. She doesn't seem to miss it, is still eating and drinking, and doesn't appear sick otherwise (except for the odd sneeze.). She's really affectionate, and all her other pregnancy symptoms seem to be by the book. Does this warrant a vet trip? I've googled, and the answers I got ranged from "don't worry, it's normal" to "OMG she and the kittens are gonna DIE". Not exactly helpful. Because she's a foster, they pay for everything, and want her to go to their vet if anything arises. (Which is also about 30 mins away). But they're also a relatively broke foster group, and the general feeling I got was unless it's life threatening, please don't. Now, I don't mind paying out of pocket even at the vet down the street if it'll save her life, but I'm not sure a little diarrhea is quite that serious. If it was a regular not-pregnant cat, I wouldn't even be considering a vet yet given the lack of other "sick cat" symptoms.

2) Should I go out and buy her kitten kibble instead of the stuff the foster group gave me? If so -- any brand recommendations (available in Canada?) Every site I've read about taking care of pregnant cats says she should be eating the higher protein kitten stuff.

3) How does one pick up a very very pregnant cat? I'm petrified of harming her kittens, and am avoiding picking her up unless absolutely necessary. But when I do (to get her off my countertops, for example), i've been trying to lift her up by all fours and sort of cradle her belly in my arms. Is this ok?

4) Is there anything else I should know about the birthing process? My plan is to simply let mother nature take it's course -- i'm not comfortable stepping in and performing kitten CPR, for example. She's got several approved-by-me options she's trying out for a birthing location (I had to discourage and block off the path to behind my couch.) I've googled extensively and think I've got a handle on what's going to happen, but if you have any "I wish I'd known that before" thoughts, I'd love to hear them.

Thanks!

Baby on Board!

Anonymous — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 15:14:18 -0800

Looking for fun ways to tell my SO that the baby we have been trying to make is on the way! My SO and I have been trying to conceive the old-fashioned way and my home pregnancy test turned up positive today. Great news!! I want to tell him in a fun way but can't wait too long because (1) he will know on New Year's Eve if I pass on the cocktail and (2) I just can't wait to tell him!!!

Does the hive mind have any suggestions? Here are some facts that might help.

Neither of us has ever had a child.
This child will be due on or about Labor Day (pun not intended, but always welcomed)
He and I are not spring chickens and our respective ages and lifestyles would have suggested that this baby would have been harder to conceive.

Help me have some fun with this!!!

cheese please

speef — Thu, 25 Dec 2008 11:16:56 -0800

Cheese present for pregnant sister, which are safe? I got my sister-in-law a present of various cheese types for christmas and need to know which are safe to give her now that I have found out she is pregnant.

I have: a 5-year aged cheddar and a soft triple cream brillat savain rouzaire which both say they are pasteurized, so I assume they are safe.

Questionable ones are: a 5-year aged Gouda (does not say its pasteurized, but is very very old), and a st. felix capri goat cheese, the store saleswoman told me this was pasteurized, but the internet says it's not.

Does anyone know whether these last two are safe, or have any warnings about the first two? I am a little concerned about the soft triple cream one, knowing that the saleswoman had mislabeled the other cheese as pasteurized, could this one be mislabeled as well?

How much to get pregnant?

Anonymous — Sat, 08 Nov 2008 14:50:24 -0800

How much did it cost you to get pregnant using a sperm bank? My wife and I (we are a lesbian couple) would like to have a baby in a couple years. I have realized this may take more money than we both realized. Neither of us know any viable donors so we will be using a sperm bank. I assume no insurance would cover this but feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

Could any kind Mefite walk me through the process and enlighten us as to how much money we should be looking to save first? (This is strictly regarding the process of getting pregnant, not how much we need to buy everything the baby will need.)

Throwaway email: metatime4babies at gmail dot com

What's a good birthday gift for my wicked pregnant wife?

Mayor Curley — Sat, 08 Nov 2008 07:11:41 -0800

So my wife's birthday is coming up, and I need to get a gift. She's also due to have our first child in two weeks. Is there something that would be a nice gift that she would enjoy specifically while very pregnant and/or post-pregnant? Let's keep it around 100 bucks. Also, I'm most interested in stuff that's for her and not for babby. Seeing as how I'm supposed to raise it too or something.

My wife is 12 weeks pregnant... and just got a job offer with a small company. Should she disclose her condition?

Anonymous — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 14:29:57 -0800

My wife is 12 weeks pregnant... and just got a job offer with a small company. Should she disclose her condition? My wife received an architecture-related masters this spring from a prestigious design school in a metropolitan center. We promptly moved to a relatively small city for my job. We bought a house, and she is now 12 weeks pregnant. She wants to work while pregnant, and possibly part time after the baby is due.

There doesn't seem to be many job opportunities here for her, especially compared to the big city we left, but she did interview for an entry level job at a very small firm of about 5 people or so. Apparently there were 150 resumes sent in, 5 finalists, and she got the job! Great!

They want her to start Monday. They told her they can't guarantee her employment on a longer-term basis based on in-flow of projects. She hasn't accepted yet...

The problem is, she feels guilty about not disclosing her "condition" during the interview process, even though that's not required by law, and I assume employers can't not hire a woman based on whether she is pregnant. It's too early for her to show that she's pregnant. She's worried about how this could affect a small company.

So, it's entry level, but in the field she wants to be in, but it's a small company and she feels bad about accepting a full time job knowing she'll have to change her schedule once the baby comes.

If she said before accepting "hey, by the way, I'm pregnant, do you still want me?", it's not like they can say "no, we withdraw our offer", right?

How to tell the boss I'm knocked up?

Anonymous — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 14:33:00 -0800

How do I tell my new boss that I am pregnant? I've read the general tips online, but I'm looking for first-hand experiences from those who have travelled this treacherous path before me. How did you handle this, and what did you learn?

FWIW, I work in higher education administration. I am in a new position (about a month), with significantly more responsibility, in a department I've worked in for several years. I'm 3 months pregnant with my first child. I plan to go on leave for a few months and then come back to work while my partner stays home. My new boss is an older, childless, powerful, not-very-warm-or-fuzzy woman -- in other words, I worry what psychology will play into how she hears my news -- and I definitely am still in a position where I need to earn her trust and confidence.

My instincts tell me to buy myself as much time as I can. I'm thinking of making it a habit to bring a huge box of donuts to work every day to give the impression that I'm just porking up. This, sadly, is the best idea I've had so far. Please hope me.

How can I maximize my chances at an upgrade due to pregnancy?

k8t — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 04:12:53 -0800

How can I maximize my chances for a free airline upgrade due to pregnancy? I'll be flying at 29 weeks pregnant and I'd love to get an upgrade into a better class.

The first leg of the trip is Yerevan, Armenia - London (~5 hours) on British Med and the flight should be full this time of year. I figure on this end they'll either offer or be jerks about it.

Then I have a 20 hour layover in London and my SO will be joining me for the next leg of the flight. I figure I will ask the Yerevan desk to NOT ASSIGN ME a seat, because I want SO to sit with me. (Unless they can upgrade us both without him being there?) But I do want them to check my luggage through to Los Angeles (Can they do that without assigning me a seat?).

Then the next flight is London - Los Angeles (~11 hours) on United. Our plan is to go to the airport relatively early, ask the people at the United desk to please upgrade us. (And I do have some air miles, but not enough for both of us.)

So, my questions are:
- how can I maximize my efforts at the London United desk? I will wear a shirt that makes me look as obviously pregnant as possible. Should I bring documentation of how pregnant I am?
- can I have the Yerevan desk check my luggage through without assigning me a seat for London-LAX?