Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with pregnant and baby

Help us have sex again

Anonymous — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 09:40:33 -0800

My luverly wife and I had a baby a few months ago. He's a great little feller. We're now ready, physically, to have sex again but... (possibly NSFW) We haven't had sex in a long time, we pretty much stopped as soon as we found out we were pregnant. Our married sex life has always been quite unhealthy (unlike pre-marriage, which was great - WUWT?) but we love each other and all that and it's not threatening the relationship or anything.

But now we're ready to start again. Except I don't know where to start. Or how to start. My wife is beautiful and wonderful and she can certainly arouse me but the idea of going back to the awkward sex we were having for the year or two preceding the baby isn't exactly appealing.

I want us to do it right this time around and try to either get back to where we were pre-marriage or go somewhere different (if those carefree teenage-like mega-session-rompings aren't capable of being repeated).

Over-disclosure necessary as this is being posted anonymously: I'm game for anything, she's very sensitive and doesn't like much foreplay other than digital stimulation. I would love to get beyond her body issues (she won't let me do oral and any kind of general touching is, apparently, just tickling as far as she's concerned) but I don't know if that's possible. She likes sex, but something went wrong somewhere along the line (probably my fault, directly or indirectly) and I'd like to fix it. Naturally, suggesting that something is wrong and needs to be fixed would probably upset her quite a bit.

Please help. I'd really appreciate it if you could give specific advice (as opposed to "rekindle the romance" or "show her that you care and it's not all about sex".) Especially bearing in mind that we have a wee baby in the house so romantic getaways and things like that are a bit hard. Personal experience would be greatly valued and if you don't want to share here, feel free to write to me at readytohavesexafterbaby@gmail.com

Thanks, in advance.

What doesn't my pregnant wife know she needs?

um_maverick — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 09:52:33 -0800

Just found out that wifey is pregnant! I'd like to get her some small present(s), but it's too early for cravings, and she already has all of the books....what are some things that "all" pregnant wives need? Sorry if this is a dupe, but my searches kept on bringing up general pregnancy advice threads. We just found out that my wife is pregnant with our first. We're still at the very, very early stages, and while I'm aware that things can go wrong at this point, we're very excited. I'd like to pick up some things to help my wife, or generally just try to be a good husband. She has just about every "what to expect" as well as "funny pregnancy story" book printed. She's not craving anything yet, and has no outward body changes at this point, so new clothes/etc aren't going to work. She has been nauseous throughout the day (so much for "morning" sickness), but that's about it. Is there something that neither she nor I know yet that she's going to need? Should I just wait and address issues as they pop up?

Thanks!

Help me bond with my baby

murrey — Fri, 01 May 2009 09:19:05 -0800

I am 39 years old, 22 weeks pregnant with my first baby (a son) and I don't feel very maternal, for lack of a better word. It all feels very abstract and I find very little interest in baby-related things, learning about childbirth/child-rearing, etc. When does the baby excitement kick in for someone who has not historically been baby/kid crazy? This pregnancy was planned and I am happy that Mr. Murrey and I will be parents together. But it just seems so theoretical. I thought settling on a name and giving our son an identity would help (as opposed to calling him "the baby" all the time). But any benefit was minimal at best.

I thought actually looking pregnant (which has now come to pass) would help. Again, not really. I look at the baby in ultrasounds and it is fascinating, but still pretty abstract to me. Intellectually, I know the baby I see is growing inside of me, but I don't get all warm and fuzzy inside. My friends gave me all of this baby stuff (which is hugely appreciated), but I have barely researched anything else I might need.

My concern is that I know myself pretty well. When I am interested in something, I research everything I can on the subject. I am remodeling my house at the moment and can tell you what size gas pipe needs to run to a tankless water heater for it to work properly, but the thought of taking childbirth classes leaves me cold. I just want to show up and give birth.

By way of background, I have never had any interest in infants at all--still don't. It does not rise to the level of aversion, just extreme apathy. I start finding interest in kids when they can communicate (around 2). Can't say I have ever gravitated to the kids when I am at a kid-friendly function (which is rarely), but if I happen to find myself around them, I will engage with them and usually have fun.

I have friends with two young daughters (3 & 5) and I do seek them out and love them very much. I go to lunch with them (just the kids) every other week and love being around them.

I am not afraid that once our son is here, I will be a loving and committed mom. I just want to have more excitement about it now. Mr. Murrey and I were talking about it last night and he asked if I picture having our son there with us, as we will 4 months from now...Nope!

Anyone else ever have this problem? When does the mom-gene kick in? Is there a way to expedite this? I want to bond with my son now.

Plan for post-partum family visits?

Anonymous — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 07:32:11 -0800

What's a good plan for post-partum family visits? Our first baby is due in early November. We feel prepared and are comfortable in infant care (both IRL and in the numerous books we've read). We have flexible schedules and generous parental leave time. We also have a large helpful circle of friends.

Our families want to visit from out-of-town when baby is born and perhaps even be present for the birth. This could be 4-9 adults at once.

First concern: there are particular family members who are very anxious and their anxiety/presence triggers my anxiety.

Second concern: we have a pull-out couch in the living room and a futon in the office/baby room but only 1 bathroom. Plus, hotels? Rental cars? Airport pick ups? We're gonna be the ones organizing all this. And we don't really have seating for more than 6 at a time.

Questions:

First, do we really need "Help" like people say we do? (We have in-house laundry and dishwasher, 3 grocery stores, 2 pharmacies, and dozens of take-out places within a 8 minute walk. And we've stocked up on baby stuff and frozen food to the gills.) Will I regret not having 4-9 "Helpers"?

And second, how do we tell them that we don't want them/need them around for the birth? (Some are going to be pissed.)

Third, then how can we properly schedule visits to satisfy their need to see the baby "early" and have them also be useful?

Fourth, is it easier to stagger guests or have them all at once and rip the band-aid off?

Fifth, how long is enough? 1 week? 4 days? They probably want to come for weeks.

One thought: Thanksgiving, when baby is 2-4 weeks old. Another thought: just suck it up and let them come and tolerate it when they are here.

Any suggestions are welcome!

my wife is pregnant; we need easy healthy things to cook.

BigBrownBear — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 12:50:01 -0800

my wife is pregnant; we need easy healthy things to cook. on the weekends we make great thing: homemade pastas & pizzas, fresh fish, stews, etc. but during the working week we don't have the time or energy to prepare elaborate dishes.

any suggestions for things quick and easy (that will also be good for the bun in the over)?

Genetic Testing Pregnancy Issues

Mid — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 06:06:30 -0800

Pregnancy filter: did you do 1st trimester genetic testing? Did you do an amnio or CVS as a result? Did you completely freak out over tiny risks? How did you cope? We just had our 1st trimester "triple test," where they do an ultrasound and bloodwork for PAPP A and HCG. The ultrasound looked pretty good -- a nucheal translucency on the high side of normal, but nothing to worry about too much. The bloodwork looked fine on the HCG side, but PAPPA A was pretty low (10th percentile, but not 5th percentile). So, the computer tells us that the risk of Down's has gone from like 1/800 to something like 1/280. There are also various other bad things associated iwth low PAPP A, but the percentages are like 1-3% for people in the 5th percentile of measurement, which we're not even in. Also, Down's babies usually have high HCG (not us) and also an absent nasal bone at 12 weeks (not us).

We're now faced with: (a) a complete freakout over what still look to be pretty tiny risks; (b) the question of whether we should do more testing -- even invasive testing like an amnio -- to get a more precise result. If it matters, we're both not really math/statistics people, so we have no way to really get our heads around how worried we should be.

Did you go through something similar? Did everything turn out ok? How did you deal with this constant uncertainty? The terrible part is that I'm sure that even once we get past this latest piece of information, we're going to get some other test result that tells us we have a 1/1000 chance of having an alien baby, a 1/250 chance of getting hit by a bus, a 1/232 chance of having a serial killer, etc. Nothing is certain! (This gives you a flavor of the freakout.)

Would you want to know the gender of your baby before (s)he was born?

heatherann — Sun, 29 Jan 2006 15:07:15 -0800

Would you want to know the gender of your baby before (s)he was born? Why or why not? Help my friends decide.

Can you pick me up some string cheese?

tpl1212 — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 05:18:02 -0800

What is the *best* book you can recommend that covers diet and nutrition for a healthy pregnancy? My wife is 8 1/2 weeks pregnant (woo!) and is, as expbeen quite manageable so far...but with all the dietary restrictions (like those mentioned previously here), we'd like to get a good book on a healthy pregnancy diet...preferably one with recipes and whatnot. She's all up on the folic acid, vitamins, don't eat roadkill kind of advice, so we're looking for a day-to-day dietary handbook...or something.

This area seems to be flooded with resources and, well, try as I might, i'm out of my element here.

How can I tell my boyfriend that I want to have a child?

Anonymous — Wed, 21 Dec 2005 16:20:10 -0800

What is the best way to tell someone that you want to have a child with him? Obviously this varies by individual, but I want to express my desire to have a child to my boyfriend without freaking him out. I want him to really consider it as a possibility and not overreact to the idea. Any suggestions for approaches? I've been subtle -- enjoying other peoples' babies, etc. This is a good time in my life - I'm between careers - and it is a good time in his life, in my opinion. And, by the way, we generally communicate very well and openly with each other.