Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with positivity

How do I rid myself of a bitter "fuck you" attitude I'm now feeling towards ANY future employer?

Anonymous — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 16:41:07 -0800

I am bitter towards companies in general, and that's not a useful attitude to have as (hopefully) a round of January interviews approach. Help me. I was laid off more than a year ago. When I was laid off, I was told -- at some length -- about how the decision was not in any way, shape or form a reflection of how they felt about the job I had done for them. It was strictly based on seniority -- they were cutting many people that day, and of them, they were cutting the two most junior employees in the department in which I worked. I had been there for nearly three years, but I was still the second most junior employee in that department, and thus was shown the door. (Parenthetically, I have an educated guess that the local human resources employees who laid me off that day had next to no slack on who was selected; I am pretty sure the company's central office micromanaged precisely which cuts were made from where with no input from local HR. Some of the people let go elsewhere were bulwarks of that company who, if local HR had any input, would almost definitely have been kept.)

At the job prior to this last one from which I was laid off, I was fired. It was good that I got fired, because it shocked me into realizing a faulty tenet that I had been carrying around until then: that somehow, some inherent sense of justice in the universe meant that I was "owed" a place to go where I could give them my labors and they would give me money in return. I still don't think I did a poor job there, but there were a number of significantly distracting and very large-scale personal issues going on in my life that really prevented me from giving my all, and in retrospect, my firing was understandable, if not kind.

That changed at my next employer. I grew to actually really like that company. I devoted myself to my job, and brought all my skills and talents to it. I went above and beyond; I was constantly given sterling reviews and better-than-the-company's-average annual salary bumps. I was one of those guys that everyone feels fairly warmly towards. I was always willing to offer anyone a helping hand if I could possibly do it. I was never even asked to do it, but I gave them a lot of free overtime, cumulatively, figuring that being asked to stay late 20 minutes or so wasn't bad, especially as the company was equally flexible with the extremely occasional moments I needed a little give.

The tenet I began to form at this employer -- again, subconsciously -- was one I think a lot of people share. If you give an employer your best, and make yourself as invaluable and as good a "buy" for their salary money as possible, then you're a valuable asset and the company will accordingly continue employing you.

Now, it feels as if that can't be relied upon either, and the replacement proposition one might form from my experience is: "An employer will be happy to fire you the moment its bottom line is threatened. It has absolutely no interest in you other than as a cog in its processes; if you're a bad enough worker, you'll break the machine and then they'll fire you. But they don't care if you're a particularly good cog, either. They'll swap you out the moment they want to."

And, to some extent, I know that's true. But it's also a deeply cynical worldview that inclines one to go around each and every day with an attitude of "Fuck you, [employer]!" And not only does that incline you towards being a poor employee, that also is just a poisonous emotion to have in your psyche about the place where you'll spend eight-plus hours of each day. I really don't want that emotional baggage in my head each and every day. Some other stuff has had me a lot happier in general, so I really don't want to be renting brainspace to this emotion for an indefinite lease.

I've not been confronted with the question yet because companies have simply not been hiring for my position for most of the past year, so interviews have been near non-existent. That is already showing signs of significantly changing next month.

How do I do this? How can I go to an employer and interview with them and not feel so deeply hostile towards a company that, as of yet, will have done nothing to deserve it?

Shining Happy People, Where Art Thou?

mannequito — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 03:30:31 -0800

Looking for advice, suggestions and/or resources on being a more positive person. I'm trying to encourage my gf to be a more positive person. She's always been more of a glass-is-half-empty type, which is fine, but recently her work has had her more stressed than usual, and it's really showing in her outside-work life. I've made the point that work is work, and the worst she can do is let it seep into her free time and ruin that - all of this she agrees with, so I'm wondering what other people do to brighten up their bad days.

So far I've just generally tried to keep her laughing and happy, and offer gentle suggestions such as trying to keep negative words out of her vocabulary and thoughts. What else is out there? Any useful online resources (I'd prefer to avoid cheesy motivational speaker videos but I'll check out anything recommended)? Most importantly, what do you do?

ps - I already read this thread, but it is more from a perspective of how do I deal with being around this negative person, which isn't really my concern here.

"Rocky burst in, and grinning a grin..."

TheSecretDecoderRing — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 02:07:18 -0800

Say cheesy! There are threads discussing tips on how to smile more often, but what happens when you do? For those who aren't innately full of sunshine, have you ever made a concerted, sudden effort to smile as much as possible, and what impact has it had on those around you? Does it lift your own spirits, or wear you out? Do people think you're flirting with them and/or get creeped out? Does it start to feel kind of fake after a while, and actually make you feel kinda empty inside? Just a general query.

when things are this down, there's only one direction they can go: sideways

loiseau — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 18:19:53 -0800

What are some little things I can do to stay positive and kind to myself while going through some heartache? I tried searching for similar questions but I didn't really come up with anything specific, maybe because my question isn't too specific.

I'd like to hear your brain hacks -- little things you do for yourself when you're feeling shitty or having a bad day or going through extended winter blahs or feeling lonely or trying to recover from love lost (or in my case, never won).

I know about the cliché click-flick stuff like taking a bubble bath and eating Hâagen-Dazs or whatever, but those things have little resonance for me. I need some little acts of kindness to myself that will remind me that I'm alright, I gotta keep looking forward, I've got good qualities, it will get better, gotta stay aware of and grateful for the good things, anything that's a boost to your outlook when chips are down.

Anyone who can advise on simple meditation for beginners (with ADD), I'd definitely be interested in giving that a try, if it could be helpful. I'm even willing to do freakin' affirmations in the mirror if it truly helps.

(Sorry this isn't a very articulate question -- not really feeling it these days. I hope it makes sense anyway.)

How to be impervious to the suck of people. Suggestions?

iamkimiam — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 15:27:29 -0800

How to be impervious to the suck of people. Suggestions? I find myself to be a pretty joyful person. I get down like the best of 'em, and I'm not perfect, but I think overall I'm pretty optimistic, realistic, and happy. I'm finding it harder and harder to stay that way. I'm looking for suggestions on how to maintain and cultivate more of a silly, joyful attitude...especially in the face of so many people around me who tend to want to bring others down, unintentionally or not. It's getting really hard to stay realistic about the facts of life, and not become jaded.

One thing that has contributed to this increasingly cautious outlook lately are lots of stories and information I've learned about men who are unfaithful. I know women cheat too, but that doesn't necessarily effect me directly. I don't want to start a war here—I'm not attempting to make any claims about whether men cheat more than women, blah, blah, blah! I love men, and would like to eventually find one that is as awesome and joyful as I think I am. How do I keep up my trust (and not blindly so), when it turns out that ~95% of the men I know cheat? These are otherwise fantastic men (IMO). While this is bothersome, I am using this as one type of example that chips away at my happy, go-lucky attitude.

I'm getting a bit discouraged here. I'd like to hear suggestions and stories of how the hive stays happy and peaceful. How do you all just let it roll off? How do you disregard negative examples and bad behavior, and focus on/find the positive ones?

Disclaimers: I have had a lot of hardships and hurts, just like you all. IANADoctor/Lawyer. I have a healthy social network (small, but meaningful). I attend a lot of social events. I exercise regularly and eat well.I am not depressed. I'd like to keep it that way. :-)