Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with porn

Hiding my porn... when it's not porn

Anonymous — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 10:05:38 -0800

How do you keep your fetish materials secret when they look perfectly normal? I don't want a porn buddy; I just never, ever want to have to explain myself or talk about them. I have a cast fetish. I've never shared it with anyone and am very reluctant to do so. It's not a big part of my life, but I do look for YouTube videos very discreetly and fantasize about other people. That's pretty much it. I don't want to get myself all plastered up, and I really, really don't want to get my partner involved.

I would like to get a couple of novels featuring casts/broken bones in subplots. The problem is that I don't generally read novels, and the ones I want to order are typically cheesy, older and look it. If I ordered one specially, there's a good chance that my partner would see them and wonder why I had this tacky old paperback lying around. If I had two or more, my partner would probably associate them (due to their look and subject matter) and think, "Uh, what???"

It's highly possible that my partner wouldn't care, but I'm not personally comfortable with it to even admit that it turns me on, let alone to openly enjoy it or play around with it. Even though I'm usually pretty open and relaxed about sex, it's taken me a long time to even ask this question in the first place. (I don't get into roleplaying at all, and I don't even like the faked fetish videos.)

It's not just a case of getting them at the library or hiding them outside of my apartment. Ideally, I'd be able to keep them around and read them in comfort.

Should I try to scan them and put them in a .pdf hidden somewhere on my computer? Should I get some sort of locked box? We don't actually have any other completely secret places (either places to hide things or places that are locked), but we're not suspicious of each other, so maybe I could just put it in a storage closet somewhere.

Throwaway: embarrassingcrap at gmail.

How much money does the gossip magazine / gossip blog / tabloid industry make?

Elle Vator — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 12:23:45 -0800

So, celebrity gossip is everywhere and lots of $$$ is forked out for images of famous babies, etcetera... BUT how much money does the gossip industry MAKE? I can't find any online statistics about Gossip Industry Revenues. It's actually very odd and mysterious.

I'm looking for numbers on gossip magazines, gossip blogs and/or the tabloid industry, with the goal of comparing the Gossip numbers to the Porn Industry and the Television Industry respectively. I could use global numbers, US or North American numbers.

It would be useful to find a webpage as comprehensive as this: http://internet-filter-review.toptenreviews.com/internet-pornography-statistics.html

...but I would take a single, high impact sentence about the tabloids and gossip rags (such as this gem: "US Porn Revenues are greater than the combined revenues of ABC, CBS and NBC"), which was properly cited and verifiable.

Anyone got anything?

Suggestions for tasteful hardcore?

Anonymous — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 15:45:48 -0800

I'm looking for tasteful, high-quality hardcore porn. Does what I want even exist? NSFW obviously. I'm a heterosexual male. Despite all of the weird fetish porn out there, I have never found "vanilla" heterosexual porn that I consider tasteful and well-made. It seems like most porn is made with unattractive, over-tanned silicon-augmented actresses and shot with flourescent lighting on a dirty matress in somebody's garage. The actors never seem to be enjoying it and there's too much time spent on cocksucking, facials, corny misogynistic banter, and that sort of thing. And what the hell is with the fixation on anal sex?

But all I really want to see is two attractive people having sex with each other and enjoying it. Ideally it would look like a mainstream movie, or at least one of those softcore porns they show on HBO. In fact, what I'm really looking for is a softcore porn with hardcore action.

As an example, I liked the unsimulated sex scenes in All about Anna, 9 songs, and Shortbus. I also like (simulated) sex scenes from actual movies because they tend to be well-shot and have attractive actresses. As far as actual porn goes, I've found some good lesbian stuff, like Abbywinters, but basically nothing as far as hetero goes.

If you feel uncomfortable answering in this thread, you can send an e-mail to throwaway1000@hotmail.com. Thanks.

What is the PayPal of the adult industry?

Anonymous — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 08:29:58 -0800

Adult Website Filter: Which payment processor should I use to sell advertising space on my porn website? I'm going to launch a little project of mine which is a porn website. I won't go into detail about what it does, but it's basically a portal site for advertisers to place banner ads to their websites. I want to be able to accept payment from the advertisers.

I would normally use PayPal for such a thing, but as far as I can tell, PayPal will not allow any transactions from an adult website, no matter what they're for. Is this true? If so, can you recommend another good payment processor which will allow adult content? Note that I am not selling adult content; I am only selling advertising space which will contain adult content.

I have heard that CCBill is good, but their fees are high (starting at 14.5%), and I don't want the upfront cost of a full merchant account.

Why do male porn stars wear socks and shoes?

skylar — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 08:27:01 -0800

Why do male porn actors so often wear socks and shoes while otherwise naked in adult movies? It's true that high heels are prevalent among the females but at least one could argue there's some aesthetic point to that. The guys' choice of footwear, meanwhile, is nearly always awful. Is there a practical or cultural reason for the men wearing socks, shoes and sometimes hats and sunglasses?

What are my options for RSS Readers that are text only?

Anonymous — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 17:13:53 -0800

What are my options for RSS Readers that are text only? I use Bloglines to read my RSS feed, but I'm trying to find a reader that can strip away all the images and display only the text. The reason is that a lot of the blogs I like to keep up on tend to post a lot of NSFW pictures and I do most of my reading at work. The mobile version of Bloglines worked for awhile, but lately has started displaying pictures too.

Anyone have any recommendations on how I can keep up with my literary porn while working for an ever watchful boss?

Avoiding the the airport XXX-ray so I can fly solo.

Eleutherios — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 19:53:32 -0800

I'm going out of town soon. I will be packing some naughty items, that I would be embarrased if they show up on a baggage X-ray. How do I gain access to a lead apron? I will be staying with relatives for about two weeks, in northern Nevada. It had just occured to me that that will be two weeks without pleasure! I thought about just buying new sexually explicit media and tools, but I won't have transportation to get to such places that sell them. Well, I will have my relatives to transport me, but that is not something I want to buy when they are around.

Whenever you send your luggage through that X-ray machine, everything inside shows up, right? I do not want my personal products showing up on the scan, so I came up with the idea of wrapping the products in a lead apron. You know, that heavy mat dentists throw over your torso whenever you get mouth X-rays?

The issue is...I have no idea how to gain access of one of these things. It's not something I can just buy at Target. So, is there some sort of special store I can pick one of these up? Can I stop buy a dentist office and rent one? If the latter is possible, what excuse should I give them so I can rent an apron?

Help me come up with quirky ideas for improbable porn flicks!

Sully — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 20:00:15 -0800

I am thinking of making some quirky, amateur porn that straddles the borderline between porn and art. My first flick is going to be a half-hour of this naked girl giving herself hickeys all over her body - wherever her mouth can reach. Help me brainstorm other ideas for porn you always wanted to see, but was never available. Outlandish porn that should be made, but would never be economically viable. Improbable porn that wouldn't necessarily get you off, but is sexy to know it exists.

Do men who date porn stars continue to use porn?

Sully — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 08:44:09 -0800

Do men who date porn stars continue to use porn? In a lot of advice columns, I keep seeing upset letters from women whose male partners use porn. Everything else in their relationship is great, except for that. So I was wondering if anyone here knew an actual person who was dating a porn actress, and had inside knowledge as to whether they continued to use porn.

You guys are so good at doing this with movies and childrens' books...

Jonathan Harford — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 20:08:59 -0800

My friend (no, really!) is hoping to somehow find the green-headbanded porn film that imprinted on his 14-year-old brain in the mid-90s. [NSFW, natch] "Looked very eighties, I seem to remember the woman looked kind of like Linda Hamilton (circa Terminator 1). She was wearing a drab green or olive green headband across her forehead, eighties style. It was just her and some guy. They did anal, along with everything else. The year it was watched, on VHS tape, was 1993. Possibly a darkish room with just a bed and no furnishings. Caucasian woman with light brown or possibly blond hair. Pubes were not alarmingly overgrown by 14 yo boy standards."

Are we fishing for a needle in a haystack?

Possible porn addict looking for options

Anonymous — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 18:25:12 -0800

Am I addicted to pornography? If I am, what can I do? Is there a Porn Addicts Anonymous? This is a question I have wanted to ask for a while but didn't think I could until right about now when, after days of not looking at porn, I had a short online viewing session and felt bad (again!). I am mainly looking to hear from other people who have been in this place and have advice based on their experience, though I am grateful for any input.

My questions are: 1) Am I addicted to pornography, as opposed to just being another horny 20-something? 2) If I am, what can I do? I have seen therapists, and have recently been considering attending a group - but I really don't know where to go, or what I might be getting into.

Number One. Am I an addict? The fact that I even need to ask is, I realise, a big give away, but I am still confused.

I started seeing pornography at an early age and it soon became a significant part of my daily routine. I had unlimited access to the net from my early teens and have regularly found myself, all through school and college, looking at it for one or two hours a day, perhaps more. Those are hours when I had intended to do something else but ended up on the net instead. Partly this is because I was a student with little to do in general. Nowadays, I don’t find myself running off to the toilets at work to wank because I am too busy and barely think about it. But the urge hits me frequently in idle moments, and the kinds of things I want to look at tend to become more and more extreme over time. This worries me enormously and I have frequently had feelings of shame. I have desperately wanted to conceal the amount I looked at porn, and the material I looked at, from everyone I knew.

I saw a therapist, while younger, to help with feelings of inadequacy and urges I was deeply ashamed of. I have struggled to come to terms with the things I have occasionally run into online - some of it illegal, always accidentally stumbled across and swiftly deleted, some of it really distasteful things that I actively pursued. It was all stuff that left me ashamed of being found out and unhappy with who I was. After regular episodes of bottoming out, sometimes alienating others because of my usage, and then swearing off porn forever before slowly getting back into it, I recently took some fairly drastic measures. I went to a family member, admitted my problem, downloaded software that regulated my activities and let them choose the passwords. I use less porn but don’t feel fully accountable because I could, at worst, tell them to fuck off if they tried to confront me and there would not be much in the way of consequences. But it has had a substantial effect on me.

Things are different now to when I used it in the past. I look at vaguely sexy stuff maybe once a fortnight as opposed to hardcore porn once a day. I have a good job that I am proud to do, lots of friends, a girlfriend I love, and basically the kind of life I thought I would be doing well to have when I was younger and less confident. But I can’t shake off the pornography. It still haunts my thoughts at all hours. I feel like a dry drunk, not using but still with the same problems I always had. The bad feelings, in this ‘dry’ period, have certainly diminished but without quite going away.

I don’t know why I have these urges – is it plain old habit, or something much more powerful? – did something traumatic happen to me, or am I simply a normal guy who wants to have sex with lots of different girls and is looking for a release? There are those hours of the day when, in the past, I may have used porn. At these times, sex acts stick in my head on a loop. It is like I am watching them without a computer being there. The extreme stuff often comes to mind and I feel awful all over again. My girlfriend recently revealed that she was into a few of the practices I used to want to hide my interest in. But it wasn’t enough. I am beginning to think that even if I could do the naughtiest things to the hottest girl in the world, it wouldn’t be enough.

If I went into treatment, would I be expected to suppress urges that I think are normal? Like the urge to have sex with my girlfriend? I know it is called Sex Addicts Anonymous for a reason, but would I still need to put my physical relationship with my girlfriend on hiatus and basically give it away to her that I am trying to deal with something? I care about her very much and don't want to diminish our relationship or the sex life that bolsters it.

Number Two: I mentioned I saw a therapist when I was younger. I went back to him when the problem flared up again, responded to his sessions, and was referred to his colleague. I did not feel too great after the one session I had with this guy. Frankly, I felt like I was being both judged and ignored. The previous therapist seemed far better but even if he had the time to see me (he doesn’t) I would have to ask my parents for the money. They are aware of my problem and have always been supportive, but I don’t feel able to deal with it if they are in the mix. I want this to be between me and people who I see when I want to. I am still considering going back to the new guy (it might be too hasty to dismiss him) but the expensive private treatment just doesn’t seem a viable option. I read about an alcoholic’s experience in AA and was struck by his enthusiasm and the level of availability of meetings. They are on at all times, every day, no excuse for not going to one – and it beats the once a week forty five minutes, “I’m sorry but I have to stop you there,” treatment that this psychoanalyst offers. Is there an equivalent anonymous for me? Are meetings as frequent?

At the same time, I don’t want to think of myself as an addict because I wonder whether I am in possession of a bad habit rather than a full blown, soul destroying addiction. I am not doing illegal things or spending every hour of the whole day in front of the computer or keeping twenty girls on the go. I wonder – do I fit in to the sex addict category? Also, and as you can probably guess from the length of this post, I feel better when I express myself at length. I don’t know if sharing in bitty chunks with others is going to help. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time.

Practicalities of seeing a group - if you think I should go to a meeting, where can I go? I am based in London. Is there a site where meets are listed?

My work is very high profile and when it comes down to it all I would love to follow my bosses and achieve a strong personal media presence. Will group treatment ruin my prospects?

I am so sorry for the length of this essay and appreciate the chance to vent to you all. Thank you for any and all thoughts.

Throw away email address: addictithink@hotmail.co.uk

butter my nut baby

yesster — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 20:07:44 -0800

Amateur porn. For food. Good sites? I'd like a site that features photos of every recipe submitted, and is preferrably on real food/whole food/ non-processed stuffs. I've done many things, so don't need the basics (i.e., I've studied the relevance of nut butters to a variety of cuisines; I did one year (200 lbs) of hand-made cheeses; I can do almost anything in the fantabulous "breadbakers apprentice" book). I'd like to correspond with and share photos with others regarding interesing cooking.

Sending dirty videos securely

Anonymous — Sun, 16 Aug 2009 11:26:39 -0800

How can I send a dirty video securely? Trying to send my partner an explicit video of myself. Too big for gmail, even zipped (73 unzipped, 57 zipped). I am wary of potentially unsecure, 3rd party services (e.g., yousendit). Any ideas?

fully clothed porn lost to the ages

NGnerd — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 19:30:39 -0800

Lost to the internet: A few years ago there was an artist who created porno scenes using fully clothed models. I think i saw it on Mefi, but my search-fu is not strong enough. So we're having porn pot-luck night (of course) and i remembered seeing this art project wherein fully clothed models where shot on a white background (i think) reenacting standard porn positions. The photos managed to be both SFW and WAY NOT safe for work at the same time. They were also professionally shot, so i think it was an art project and not some people with time to kill. It's now eating at my soul (ok, slight exaggeration) that i can't track this stuff down.

Recommendations for erotica

ninebelow — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 04:56:03 -0800

Recommendations for erotica I'm interested in reading erotic novels but I need a bit of guidance. Virgin Books are the biggest erotica publisher in the UK and I've dipped into a few of their titles at random but they've been uniformly awful. Google has not been my friend either because there is a lot of chaff out there. So I am looking for (ideally) a good reviews/recommendation site or (failing that) individual recommendations for novels, authors or publishers.

I'm a straight male interested in the porn rather than romance end of the spectrum and when I say novels I mean actual printed books. Bonus points for science fiction or fantasy recommendations (although I am not after a million recommendations for Jacqueline Carey).

Naughty iPhone pix, we wants it

artisticastronaut — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 04:08:07 -0800

I would like to put naughty pictures on my iPhone without using iPhoto, preferably with a lock, so people can't accidently browse the porn stash. Is this possible and if so, how?

How can I increase traffic to a porn site?

Anonymous — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 10:43:22 -0800

How does one go about promoting a porn site? I do freelance work, and recently received a proposal from a client who wants me to do promotions work for a porn site; my commission would be based on increased traffic. I have to admit total cluelessness in this arena, so I'm hoping Ask MeFi can help. For example, I know for a food site I'd submit pics and links to TasteSpotting, FoodGawker, etc. I'd use Twitter a little, and because food is an interest of mine I'm already a member of lots of communities where recipes are discussed. Porn? Not so much; I've never been into it. A friend already mentioned Fleshbot, so I'm trying to figure out how that works, but any and all other suggestions are welcome. The site, if it matters, has a BDSM leaning. This should all stay legal and above-board; any SEO will comply with search engine rules, I don't want to spam, stuff like that. Help a girl out? You can also email me at heyboyhowdy@gmail.com.

How normal is my boyfriends naughty habit?

apoptosis — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 18:24:33 -0800

How normal is my boyfriends naughty habit? I'm going to cut down the normal relationship exposition for now, and let you know that me and my boyfriend have been dating for a year and a half now. It has been going strong, has been a pleasure and has had few issues. So, to the event:

Basically, when searching for some school documents on my boyfriends computer I came across what appeared to be an entire folder full of various airbrushed naked women. Pictures of women clothed, and then it looks like their edited naked versions along with them. Some of them, are his female friends on myspace, some of them are famous people, and some of them are cartoons. No really, cartoons. The pictures are a ridiculous blurry mess. They are silly, and disturbing creations.

I had found this sort of thing on his computer once before, when basically one of them popped up as the computers background after I did a system restore on his machine. It was awkward as hell, but he seemed to own it and because I am a person of much understanding and grace, and my boyfriend is otherwise such a total doll, after some discussion I decided not to make it a big deal.

However, this folder is just so much stranger and more disrespectful than the first incident. It includes people that he actually knows in the real world, along side of Disney characters.

I know, that in general my comfort level is whats important when deciding what I want to do. However, I am having a lot of trouble facing that. I don't know if this is something I should work through, or if it's a real problem. Honestly, the pictures hurt ... and I don't feel as inclined to be intimate with my boyfriend knowing that in his free time he edits women to look naked. I don't feel comfortable with that, like he's some sort of pervert.

I mean, all men are perverts ... thats just a fact of life, but ... this seems to take things a step outside of the norm. Doesn't it?

I don't know what to do.

I am very close to is family, and to his friends. I was accepted to school about 400 miles away from where we live now, and we (without my pressure, this was his decision) are planning on moving in together. We have tickets for Monday to go look at places, and will be staying with his friends that I've gotten close to. We've bought things for the apartment. He gives me future room plans that he's drawn onto napkins, shows me pictures of things he'd like to put in the apartment, talks about how amazing it's going to be to wake up next to each other and shows very sincere excitement about the journey and living together.

We have a good relationship, a good time ... he is attentive to me, he calls me every morning and every night. He is soooo sooo very good. Most of all, I LOVE this human being. I love him! But, these pictures ...

The pictures hurt. They obviously belong to some odd unbalanced fetish, or I don't know what. Am I over reacting here? Can I really let this dirty fetish of his destroy something that is otherwise wonderful?

I know I need to talk to him about it, and I will ... but I'm not prepared to yet. I really want to be more clear in my own mind before I approach him, otherwise I'll react too emotionally and will likely make the situation worse than it is. I don't want to do that, I want to explore it a little first and get a feel for how comfortable I am with this, and what I should do. Decide if I want to break it off with this person, which quite frankly hurts quite a bit to think about.

Thanks for providing venting space, and for helping me with the question:

What should I do? How normal is this?

Help me expand my horizons?

Anonymous — Sat, 30 May 2009 19:21:17 -0800

Please help me expand my knowledge of sexual practices. NSFW, obviously. I'm interested in finding out a lot more about all kinds of sexual practices. I'm interested in more of an intellectual way, rather than a I-want-to-try kind of way. I am emphatically NOT looking for porn sites. I don't want to look at pictures, I want to read about what is involved in each practice, preferably from a drier, more clinical viewpoint. I'm looking for something closer to the Kinsey Report than the "letters from the reader's wives" section of a pornographic magazine.

The sort of site I'd ideally use is something akin to Wikipedia, in the sense that I could look up "bondage", for example, and then be presented with several other similar/related practices. I'm interested in finding out what is done during (for example) bondage. Then there would be links to other, related practices.

I can be contacted via oohlookiehere@hotmail.co.uk.

You can show it but not say it?

arniec — Thu, 21 May 2009 07:13:19 -0800

NSFW question about adult films... I have noticed a very weird think in some adult films (porn). And of course I've not seen this in ALL adult films, but I've seen it in enough to find a pattern.

Several of the films I've seen, especially the more high budget Vivid stuff from the 80's, the curse words are muted out, the audio goes to silence if someone says a bad word like shit, fuck, etc.

It's very confusing...in a XXX movie why would they worry about language? I at first thought it was just a flub in the audio track, but have noticed that it always happens around curse words, and if you ONLY listened to the dialogue of these movies, it's very PG rated.

Any ideas why this would be?

What should I do with 240 porn magazines?

Sully — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 11:31:14 -0800

My friend is getting married and just gave me his porn collection! A cursory count makes it about 240 magazines. It's mostly hetero mags from the late 80's, early 90's. What fun and creative thing could I do with them? In the past, I've done some "high concept" events like this and this so incorporating the porn as giveaways was my first thought, but I thought I would ask the hive mind for fun and creative ways to otherwise make use of the porn. Thanks in advance!

Why didn't Boyfriend like my porn?

December — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 16:06:17 -0800

I am naked. And puzzled. [NSFW] I've been dating Boyfriend for a few months now and for Valentine's Day, I had some nude shots of myself done, both for me (to regard when I'm old and gray, to look back fondly) and for him (to, uh, enjoy).

Boyfriend's response when I showed him the pix? Oh. Nice. Mmmhmm. Oh, that one's nice. *turned back to watch TV* Seriously. That was his reaction. I feel like a dumbass. I'm a pretty physical person and have done such photos before but have never gotten a disinterested reaction like this, so now I just feel...dumb.

I had a trusted married, male friend take the pix; he's done this many times before for other women over the years and I had seen his photos, which I liked, which is how I chose him to do my photos. His wife was aware and had no issue with our doing this (she's also a friend of mine). The photo session was amazingly fun and delightfully un-weird; I felt completely comfortable and safe. There was no inappropriate commentary or touching during the photo session. I explained all this to Boyfriend, so he wouldn't think I had some random person alone with me during my nakedness.

Please help me understand why Boyfriend didn't appear to appreciate a gift like this. I'm surely not a supermodel, but I'm decently proportioned and athletic. Boyfriend and I are normally quite passionate together physically so I'm not sure where things went off the rails.

How can I stop looking at porn on my Blackberry?

Anonymous — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 08:40:34 -0800

How can I stop looking at porn on my Blackberry? I've been struggling with a porn addiction for years, but as I live in a flat without internet I have been fine for the last few months. However, I just got a Blackberry Curve, as I need emails for work, and am starting to slip back into my bad habits.

As far as I can tell there are no porn filters designed for Blackberry, and my service provider can't place any filters on the thing or separate my internet access from my email-server access. I don't need the internet, so I'm prepared to do anything as long as the email service remains intact. Do any of you know anything I can do to render my phone porn/internet free? Preferably in a way that cannot be undone in moments of extreme compulsion. If this continues I'll have to get rid of the phone, it's a major distraction and is scuppering my therapy!

How can I stop thinking about knocking boots with every lady I see?

Anonymous — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 10:57:13 -0800

I'm having pervasive sexual thoughts. How do I make them stop? (NSFW) I'm a 30 year old male. I've only had one sexual relationship in my life. I look at porn almost everyday, and have a large selection of porn mags.

Recently, whenever I see a woman who is even a little attractive, I start having thoughts of myself and the woman having sex. I can't seem to stop these thoughts.

I've got an appointment with my therapist next week, but what can I do in the interim to make these thoughts less pervasive?

I accidentally saw porn on my boss's computer, now what?

Anonymous — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 12:30:30 -0800

I accidentally saw porn on my boss's computer, now what? I'm a 25 year-old female who has been working at my company for 7 months. A couple of days ago I walked into my boss's (middle aged man) office to ask him a question about a project he gave me. For a split second I saw what was on his computer screen, which was later discovered to be an online hook-up site for gay men with explicit profiles. He quickly minimized the window on computer, and I am sure he doesn't know what I saw. Upon entering his office again about an hour later, the same scenario happened. To confirm my suspicion I went into the office the next day and checked the history on that computer. I do have full access to this computer and he has full access to mine, as we have to share files for our research. I did not go to any of these sites; I just checked the browser history. My suspicion of the site I saw was confirmed. And then I saw about 10 more explicit sites in the history, mostly geared toward gay men. All of these sites were accessed during work hours. I brought in my camera and took a screen shot of what I saw on the history as evidence. Mainly because the people at my boss's boss's office know absolutely nothing about computers. It is a small company with no IT personnel. My boss manages our network in our laboratory, so I know he would erase everything if he wanted to.

What my boss does in his free time is his own business. That is fine. I have nothing against someone who has a different lifestyle than mine. My problem with discovering it has made me question his ability to make an ethical decision when it comes to the work we do on a daily basis. I believe in my heart that this will harm our company at some point. If this information got to the public, it could devastate this company and the doctors who own it.

Some background: I work in a small office (no HR, no handbooks, no office policy on computer usage, and no IT department) with one other person, my boss. We work in a research lab that supports a medical doctor's practice. He has a wife and kids. Our research field is one of those where your reputation is very important. Everyone around the country in this field basically knows each other.

The way I see it, I have a couple of options:

(1)Say nothing. This is what I have been doing so far because I fear my other options right now. I am looking for a new job and want to get out of here ASAP, but the market stinks. There is no way I can work for someone who I do not respect or trust. I am considering saying something to his boss when I leave the company or just keeping quiet.
(2)Say something to his boss (the doctors in the practice): This is where I get really nervous because he will definitely know it was me that told on him. I do want to say something because I know it's the right thing to do. Are they going to fire me for being a tattle tale? And then give me a terrible reputation in this field? Are they going to make him resign? If he resigns, or gets fired, our research cannot be conducted and therefore, I have no job. Filling his position would be costly, and might take quite some time. Plus the doctor's practice would probably go under. My worst nightmare is that they give him a warning. I cannot afford to leave my job right now, but there is NO way I would be able to work with him. He will know I was the one who found this, as I am the only one who works with him in the office. I also fear for my safety if I do take this route. I mean, he knows where I live. I am posting this anon, for obvious reasons.

I feel like any route I take is going to be terrible, and I am going to lose my job. I've looked for other jobs and the market sucks. I feel this is not fair, because I wasn't the one who decided to look at gay p0rn during work. I really liked my job until this happened.

What would you do in this situation? Have any of you had to deal with this before? Or similar sexual harassment? What did your company do? Did you get a lawyer? Did you talk to the person? Throw away email whyismybosssostupid@gmail.com