Ask MetaFilter posts tagged with personals

What is the best paid dating website with ACTUAL results?

wildrain2008 — Sat, 17 May 2008 13:52:36 -0800

What is the best paid dating website with ACTUAL results? So it's sad to say that the dating scene for an average Joe has been virtually eliminated. Unless you have fantastic looking body (Bruce Lee's, football player, or Antonio Banderas [for guys] / supermodel or a twig-thin [for girls]), you're in for a slow let down.

Having said that, I'm diving into the online dating scene. For a few months now I've been using Craigslist, Plenttyoffish, and OKCupid sites. Not much results there either. By that I mean that 95% of personal adds on CL are carefully generated spam/email-hunters, the women that I have met for dates on Plenttyoffish turn out to have serious issues, and OKCupid has produced 0 responses.

The next step I figure is to try a paid dating website. I'm currently testing out Yahoo Personals. Anyone has any other suggestions that have worked for them and won't leave me broke?

I'm a lot better looking in person. No, seriously!

Anonymous — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 12:41:01 -0800

I don't take good pictures and I think it's putting a crimp in my style online-personal-wise. What can I do to get guys to meet me in person? I'm female. I want to date. I write great personal ads and let my witty & winsome self shine through online communications (and phone). I'm an introvert and date guys outside my race --- online personals seem to be a good choice. Problem: I am not photogenic. I don't look like elephant woman but I don't look like me either -- someone who's pretty/sometimes hot.

Lately, great email communication stops dead once I share my pic. Is it my pic? I'm honest about my description before hand, whether it's an ad I placed or one that caught my eye. I've had friends read my prior correspondence to see if I was lying/dissembling/dreaming. I'm being truthful according to them.

I get anxious at the thought of talking to someone I don't know or flirting with someone who didn't already see me as a potential romantic partner, so approaching guys I meet IRL would be awful, painful, and amusing in a twisted way at best. I understand where the guys are coming from: people lie online. The last few guys I dated (two long-term) said they met with me in spite of my pic or didn't see my pic (and didn't share theirs). Upon meeting me they were rather pleasantly surprised. Some people will still reject me nonetheless -- fine. But I'd like a chance with the guys who'd flirt with me in person but are turned off my pics.

Do I give up on dating online? Use someone else's pics? Refuse to share a pic? Give references? There's a part of me that thinks okay, I'm not attractive -- assuming that part is off its rocker, what do you suggest?

I need a first chance to make a first impression

Anonymous — Tue, 01 May 2007 06:47:23 -0800

What should I put in my first email to someone I found on an online dating site? I've read through lots of the Ask MeFi threads on this subject (13 tagged onlinedating, 4 marked dating and online and a slew of others), but still haven't really found the guidance I'm looking for, so here we are.

I have an account on an online dating service. I log in, view lots of profiles, read about many women who seem very interesting to me, and then.... I do nothing.

I find the first email to be just as awkward as going up to a stranger in a bar, which I never do, except I know a lot more about her than if we were in a bar, and she will know more about me. In fact, it's even more awkward, because there's a lot more information in play, which means the rejection might actually be based on something. (Although, I don't always know useful information, since lots of women all share an interest in going out or staying in, dressing up or dressing down, and family and friends! But that's a separate discussion).

This is not a minor hurdle for me, for some reason. I've been a member of the site for a few years, and have only emailed or IM'd complete strangers a handful of times.

I'm not normally shy or particularly introverted. I do well in groups, and fine with individuals once I've met them. It's the meeting and making a first impression that I'm stuck on.

For those of you who have tried online dating (match, yahoo, nerve, okcupid, jdate, whateveryourkinkis.com, etc.), what makes a good first email? I'm a guy looking to meet a lovely lady, but I'm happy to hear from anyone with thoughts on the issue.

How long should it be? Should I mention if I think she's cute? Generally, I've had good luck with sincere compliments in person, but another thread said that was a generic thing to put in an email. Will that sound like every email she gets? Should I comment on specific things in her profile? What do I say about me? She can click on my profile for the basics, so I don't want to repeat it all, but it seems presumptuous to assume she's going to read the profile, right? Should I specifically ask her to read my profile? Do I say i hope she'll write back, or that I'd like to meet her, or that I'd like to chat?

And so on... I get all wound up on what to say and end up never saying anything. Help!

How can I meet people like myself: a bit older, still young at heart, and looking for friends?

0217174 — Sat, 09 Dec 2006 11:19:55 -0800

How can I meet people like myself: a bit older, still young at heart, and looking for friends? Hello, well guess the title pretty much explains my question. I have this problem that I look and feel like I'm 24, but I'm 33 (and a guy, btw). I think if I was 24 things would be fine. I'd just go back to school, get a p/t job and make friends like that. After all that's what I did back then. But now, I work f/t, I don't meet anyone at work who's at this stage I'm at..; they all either married or already have their longtime group of friends.. but I'm looking for people who haven't really established a group of friends yet.. And I don't think I can go back to hangin out with a bunch of kids. Even though I look like one of them, I just don't want to go through that youthful angst all over again..

Oh and I guess another point is.. I hope I could meet people who's into art or music--that type of stuff-- but I'm really bad at being able to attend those types of events just by myself. So I would hopefully meet them outside of those kind of environments, and then once I meet them I'd feel better going out with them to shows or events.. I just can't go by myself.

And, haha.. sorry.. but one more thing. Something in real life. I've done the online thing already..

Thanks~

Are you that person I saw that one time in that place?

raf — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 13:00:10 -0800

Has Craigslist's missed connections board (or similar) ever actually worked for anyone? The tiny probability just boggles my mind....

Love conquers all

aisforal — Tue, 15 Nov 2005 11:24:44 -0800

Help me beat the online personals system. I've seen someone on a site (Yahoo) I'd like to contact, but she says specifically that she isn't, and won't be becoming, a member. I don't mind paying to email her, but my understanding is that on these subscription dating sites, I won't be able to give her my own email address until we are both members (though I can't find where it actually says this on the site).
Is this correct, and how would this be policed anyway? And if it is,how can I bypass it? I've thought of writing a poem, with the first letter of each word spelling my email, but my attempts so far are not likely to get a reply.

Match.com etiquette?

tristeza — Mon, 22 Aug 2005 14:11:16 -0800

Match.com question for the straight guys in tha hizzouse. I've posted a profile on Match.com in the hopes of meeting a man for an LTR.

I've gotten several "winks" from guys who seemed relatively interesting, so I "winked" back to them. Not a single one of them has contacted me again.

Guys, why would you wink at a woman, she winks back so she's presumably interested, too, then never say another word? Why wouldn't you follow up her wink with a quick "howdy" email for her to respond to? Are Seattle guys too wimpy to just drop a line after I've let them know there's a mutual interest? I'd love to know your thoughts if you've done this, I really can't figure it out.

Online Personals

Anonymous — Mon, 06 Jun 2005 15:01:28 -0800

I'm looking to meet people in the Orlando area. Anyone have good advice on online personals or meeting people in general? In a previous Ask Mefi on dating, someone mentioned fine tuning personal ads to garner more responses. What makes a good personal ad? Should it be serious or more haha? I am leaning towards half-serious, thoughtful, yet funny. No pictures from a bathroom mirror or professional photos. Also, what are good online personals? I checked out Lavalife and the Nerve/Onion/etc personals, but they seem to have few women from the Orlando area.

This question relates to a bigger problem I would like to address: meeting new people. I like going to arcades, watching movies, riding my bicycle and listening to indie music. I like doing things by myself. I goto lots of concerts, but don't fit in or relate to the scenesters and fad punks that are also there. I have lived in Orlando for 5 years (undergrad and finishing off grad school) and haven't met many lasting friends besides the ones I came here with and haven't gone on any dates.

I'm perfectly happy with this. A few years ago I realized that the college life and the Orlando area haven't been conducive to the life I want to live. I know it sounds stupid - going to grad school despite a strong dislike for academia - but you gotta do what you gotta do. Anyways, when I finish in a year, I can put all this behind me and finally get on with life. Never-the-less, I want to try and have at least one worthwhile dates before I leave here.

Orlando is great place if you like cheap drinks specials and loud clubs, neither of which appeal to me. Up until three weeks ago, I never stepped foot in an club or bar (with the exception of many concerts). I'm not much for group gatherings or small talk. The last three weekends I decided to make a go at it and check out a few clubs. I mingled, I danced, I got numbers. Not to sound arrogant, but none of the women I met with seemed vapid and uninteresting. Their idea of going out and having fun was drinking and going out to clubs, which make sense since we were drinking at a club. In a couple weeks I am going to a Mary Timony concert and will try to mingle more in a different setting.

I've read through many of the previous threads on dating/meeting people/etc. They gave good advice, but nothing that I felt could be applied to me. Although I'm decidedly geeky, I don't use live journal or blogger and haven't come across any meetups in the Orlando or St. Pete/Tampa areas. Anymore suggestions on how to meet people?