677 posts tagged with parents.
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How do I get my child's father to respect my wishes regarding her care?

My child's father and I recently had a disagreement about when to start solids. I told him I didn't think child was ready; he said everyone thought I was wrong and planned to start them anyway. I asked for advice elsewhere about being okay with him starting before I felt she was ready and was told that as the child's mother, it is my right to decide how she is cared for. How do I get Father to understand that? [more inside]
posted by Autumn on Nov 29, 2016 - 30 answers

Dealing with estranged parent dying

I came here a while back with a question on dealing with my narcissistic father and have disengaged with my father for about a year or so. (The whole story is in that AskMe). Have you ever had to deal with a parent dying when you were estranged from them? How did it go? Do you have regrets if you stayed away? [more inside]
posted by GospelofWesleyWillis on Nov 27, 2016 - 36 answers

After the Accident

My father committed a serious lapse in judgment and now wants to act like nothing's changed. What do I do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 24, 2016 - 15 answers

Should I ask my parents if they voted for Trump?

My dad and stepmom are historically conservative, but not Obama-hating Bible-thumpers. I am hoping they held their noses and voted for Hillary (or at least Johnson) but I fear the worst. I am a trans gay guy, which they know, and a Trump administration will be likely disaster for me and my friends. I have been physically ill with stress since the election and seeing my family is making me more anxious. Should I ask them? Or how can I function without knowing? [more inside]
posted by AFABulous on Nov 18, 2016 - 59 answers

In today's set of first-world problems...

I'm an adult, but my parents still control my revocable trust. This makes me feel weird for a number of reasons. How should I deal with this? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 2, 2016 - 33 answers

My parents forgot I was raped - really confused about how to proceed

So, in the wake of all the conversation about triggers/sexual assault happening in the USA right now, I shared an article about how this campaign has been demoralizing to survivors of sexual assault and briefly mentioned my own story (basically, I was sexually assaulted by an acquaintance. My parents responded to my post saying "WHY DID YOU NEVER TELL US?" The thing is, I did. 10 years ago. And 3 years ago. And I have no idea how to proceed. [more inside]
posted by socktothepuppet on Oct 25, 2016 - 29 answers

Domestic crisis = time to reasses

Should I move back to England and back in with my parents? [more inside]
posted by guessthis on Oct 18, 2016 - 14 answers

Healing From Being Smart Kids Raised by Less Smart Parents

It's tough to grow up much smarter than one's parents. Seeing clearly through the illusion of parental omnipotence at an unnaturally early age sparks a deep, lingering dread of perilous results due to lack of responsible navigation. I'm looking for writings shedding light on post-childhood fallout. Insights for unpacking it all, etc.
posted by Quisp Lover on Oct 15, 2016 - 6 answers

My elderly mom is about to buy a manufactured home in Albuquerque

My mom is making what seems like a... suboptimal... real estate decision. Should I be concerned? [more inside]
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick on Oct 14, 2016 - 20 answers

Why are religious kids and teens so well behaved and... chill?

I notice a trend: kids I know from loving, religious families (Chabad Lubavitch and Christian in particular) are, even in the tricky teen years, lovely, kind, respectful. How does this happen? What are the parents doing right? [more inside]
posted by enzymatic on Sep 30, 2016 - 55 answers

Another grieving process question

Another grieving process question: Since my dad died, I've had difficulty getting along with my mother. What's going on, and how do I make sure our relationship does not become permanently weakened? [more inside]
posted by Ziggy500 on Sep 22, 2016 - 6 answers

MIL is sick and won't let FIL leave her side

I am looking for suggestions on how to help. My husband's family seems to be stuck in a pattern. His parents are older and his mother's anxiety is so bad that she can't be left alone for a minute. [more inside]
posted by crunchy_cereals on Sep 20, 2016 - 14 answers

Alzheimer's and the Single Child

My partner's mother has had a size medium case of the Alzheimer's for years now. The father passed away long ago, there are no other blood family to speak of, and my partner is feeling pretty crushed by feelings of guilt and anxiety. Short of a support group (no time) or a therapist (already got one), what're resources, techniques, and tools, from cognitive tricks to fictional books, that will help my partner deal with the serious guilt and anxiety of feeling like they're not doing enough? (Just to be clear: A) the mom is doing physically fine and has a great set up, this is not about her, but about their child, my partner, and B) my family and I are pretty great and help as much as we can, which is a lot; again, this is not about how to help the mom more, this is about helping my partner deal with feelings of guilt and anxiety that they are not doing enough.)
posted by anonymous on Sep 14, 2016 - 5 answers

Near, far, wherever you are: parental proximity

Geographic distance from my parents will not be the only factor I'll weigh when deciding where next to live, but it will be one of them. How might distance affect my relationship with my parents? How has it, in your own experience? What changes as I zoom out from living in the same city, to the same metro area, or to merely the same coast? [more inside]
posted by gemutlichkeit on Aug 22, 2016 - 19 answers

I guess this problem won't fix itself, and it's time to face that.

My sweet, strong, beloved Momma has become a high-functioning alcoholic in the last few years. All the literature I can find on talking to an alcoholic start with "tired of begging, pleading and fighting with your loved one about their drinking?" Well, no, I'm not, because no one has ever even MENTIONED it to my mother. Where do I/we start? I'm scared. [more inside]
posted by euphoria066 on Aug 16, 2016 - 19 answers

How normal were these childhood experiences for the 1980's-mid 90's?

If you have a sense of "normal" middle-class family dynamics in the the 1980's-mid 90's US, I would appreciate your perspective. I don't think my family was abusive, but probably emotionally neglectful. I'm struggling with depression and anxiety, am in therapy, and I am considering going no-contact with my family. I want to better understand the context of some experiences. Please help me calibrate my dysfunctionometer. [more inside]
posted by asynchronous on Aug 11, 2016 - 29 answers

My father doesn't approve of my fiancée -- how to reconcile?

My father very much does not approve of my fiancée -- how should I proceed? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 10, 2016 - 52 answers

How can I help keep my delusional, elderly parent off the streets?

I am the sole support person for one of my parents. They have no contact with any family members or past friends. In general, my parent is friendly and decent; however, they keep fleeing and/or being kicked out of housing due to their paranoid delusions. How can I help? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 4, 2016 - 9 answers

Moving back to my hometown - can I help my brother get out of a rut?

My brother is generally a caring, generous, talented, and thoughtful guy. He is also almost the definition of "stuck in a rut" - partially due to bad luck (recession), but probably more due to impulsive/emotional behavior - moodiness, impulse buys, little white lies, throwing his smartphone when angry, got a DUI not long ago, etc. It's hard to watch because he works hard (if very disorganized), is at times brilliantly self-aware. But can't seem to find his footing, and still lives with my parents. [more inside]
posted by puppet_made_of_sock on Aug 3, 2016 - 9 answers

They're bad enough...

My parents are emotionally abusive and clueless. Can I cut them out, even if it feels like I can handle it sometimes? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 2, 2016 - 23 answers

Having surgery, not sure what to do about overly-helpful mother

In the next couple months I will be having outpatient surgery in a city 2 hours away from my home. I can get there on my own, but I will need someone to stay overnight with me and drive me home the next day. My mom has very eagerly volunteered, but I don't want her to come with. [more inside]
posted by AFABulous on Jul 20, 2016 - 33 answers

How do we approach financially supporting a parent?

My husband's parents are divorcing and they are in their 60s. His mother has had ill health over the last 20 years and some mental health issues. The divorce has sent their finances into some disarray but they have not been open with us about the particulars. Now his mother is starting to ask for financial help – small things like splitting airfare for her to come visit. But she's also apparently enlisted his sister to buy presents on her behalf for the kids/extended family and then sent checks that bounce. My husband is very anxious about needing to financially support his mother but I don't like this gradual slide into support especially since we do not have a lot of extra money. [more inside]
posted by amanda on Jul 6, 2016 - 19 answers

My parents love me, but don't particularly like me

My parents definitely love me, and would reliably do anything for me, no question about it-- but I've always gotten the sense that they don't generally "like" me as a person. I've always kind of felt like the "problem child," even though I'm not trying to get in their way and by most metrics am an all-around "good" kid. Why do I feel this way? Is this even a problem? How can I go about ironing this out? [more inside]
posted by fernweh on Jul 2, 2016 - 34 answers

Fly to see my dying dad? Or stay with my tiny baby?

My dad is dying of cancer. I live a very long way away and have a small baby with health complications who probably shouldn't be flying just yet. Should I go sooner to see my dad before he gets too bad and leave my little baby behind? Should I wait for the all clear to travel with the baby and risk my dad getting really sick or dying without me seeing him? [more inside]
posted by brambory on Jul 2, 2016 - 23 answers

Anxiety in mother

My mother has always been a high level worrier but as years pass her anxieties are posing limits on her and my father. She's not been receptive to discussion of this in the past. Is there a way to broach this with her and possibly help her get the help she needs to live a more enjoyable and less restricted life? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 25, 2016 - 11 answers

My summer just fell apart

I don't feel I can stay with my parents for the remainder of the summer. Is this justified? What do I do? [more inside]
posted by myitkyina on Jun 13, 2016 - 28 answers

How to cope with living in an awful place

I'm 21 and still live in my parents' apartment. It's awfully messy with trash and clothes and clutter all over the place. My room (the only bedroom) is fairly cramped. To make matters worse my mom insists on putting laundry bags full of clothes in my room. And my 13 year old brother is going to move in my room soon. [more inside]
posted by starlybri on May 27, 2016 - 17 answers

Should we give daughter special education or let her be who she is?

We are troubled as to whether or not we should put our daughter in a math special education program. The school has said she needs it, but she is adamant that she does not want to be seen as different. [more inside]
posted by lynnie-the-pooh on May 22, 2016 - 65 answers

Should you disown a narcissistic parent?

What if your abusive parent is not classically abusive (hitting, molestation, explosive anger) but is relentlessly narcissistic, negligent, exploitative and manipulative? Father's Day is coming up in a couple of months; should I just not send that card and silently pull away? I've already not given him my new number so this would be the last nail in the coffin. [more inside]
posted by GospelofWesleyWillis on May 8, 2016 - 38 answers

How to be supportive, when I can't be there in person

My partner is going to visit his parent, who has cancer and is in palliative care in another city (and might die quite soon.) Due to my own health, I genuinely can't travel there with him. What are some ways to be supportive of my partner, when I can't be there in person?
posted by Sockpuppets 'R' Us on May 5, 2016 - 6 answers

How do I fix my life?

I am about to graduate college with a business degree, a mediocre gpa, and very little experience. I have not made a single friend in college or been in a relationship. I lived with my parents for the whole entire time in college and they expect me to be married before leaving the house. I tend to succumb to extreme laziness and procrastination. I can spend 8 hours daily on the internet instead of doing homework. This procrastination has seeped into my job search. Am I ever going to be prepared for life? [more inside]
posted by sheepishchiffon on Apr 26, 2016 - 15 answers

Hello Muthah, Hello Faddah

Does it make sense to put my parents on our wireless plan, and if so what's the best way to do that? [more inside]
posted by Lyn Never on Apr 26, 2016 - 8 answers

Formerly abusive parents who are now elderly and wanting forgiveness

Growing up, my family was squarely middle class. But that didn’t make it easy. My father was an alcoholic with a vicious temper. He was incredibly emotionally abusive, and on occasion, he was physically abusive. Think “The Great Santini”, minus the military elements. And minus the supportive mother. My mother – whom my father abused just as much as he did us – put up with every inch of it. What’s more, she basically took it out on us children, keeping herself cold and distant while never once acknowledging his faults. Now they’re dying, and man, are the guilt trips heavy. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 13, 2016 - 60 answers

Help Me Talk to My Son About the Police

ParentFilter: My five-year-old son has a lot of questions about the police. (Also the army, but mostly the police.) He wants to know who the police are, why do they come, who goes to jail, are the police the good guys, do they get the bad guys -- that sort of thing. [more inside]
posted by janet lynn on Apr 12, 2016 - 10 answers

Poem / reading ideas for a 50th anniversary

What poems / readings would you recommend for a 50th Anniversary? My parents have been having health issues so I would prefer to avoid the usual "ha ha you're falling apart" joke poems about pills and getting infirm. They are somewhat stoic but have a good sense of humor.
posted by benzenedream on Apr 9, 2016 - 7 answers

I miss my old life, pre-baby & feel extremely guilty...is this normal?

Nobody can prepare you for motherhood, nobody can even come close to describing the joys, sadness and all other mixes of emotions that come with adding a new life to your family. And nobody really shared the struggles or "not so pretty" side to motherhood, so with my feelings of yearning for my old life I feel so guilty that I haven't embraced this new life with an open heart and arms...are these feelings normal? Do mothers and fathers roles cause resentment, because there is inevitibly more responsiblity on the mothers (by nature to nurture if that makes sense)? How do you maintain a relationship with your SO when life seems to be so seperate now that a baby has arrived? A lot of the fun we had together is now seperate. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 8, 2016 - 40 answers

gift for two year old and for new parents

Hi everyone. I am going to be traveling in a month and staying with close friends, whose children I am fairy godparent to. Nephew #1 is two and a half, nephew #2 is going to be less than 3 months old. I would like to get a gift for nephew #1, the two and a half year old, and perhaps something for the parents. My needs are fairly simple, but I'm not around kids much and I don't know what I'm doing. More details under the cut. [more inside]
posted by bile and syntax on Mar 25, 2016 - 23 answers

Am I killing my mom?

Mom has early dementia. Dad just had a stroke. I'm being the tough guy and intervening on her book hoarding. Now doubting myself... help! [more inside]
posted by latkes on Mar 19, 2016 - 37 answers

Should I rock the boat?

I have written a letter to my mother in which I try to show her that her marriage to my father is not what it claims to be, and that the promised happy times that are always just around the corner are probably never going to come. Should I send it? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 19, 2016 - 43 answers

How to capture the precious newborn days?

My first child was born a few days ago, and I'm worried I'm not doing enough to capture how beautiful he is and how special these days are. Should I pay a photographer? Other ideas? Reassurance and perspective? [more inside]
posted by slidell on Mar 13, 2016 - 30 answers

Mom is mentally ill. And dying.

My mother is mentally ill. I went "no contact" seven years ago to protect myself and those in my life. I have received word that she is dying of terminal cancer. How can I know more about her condition so that I can see her at the end, but not until the end? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 29, 2016 - 41 answers

Elderly Parents + iPad - Computer = ???

So, my parents have decided to join the rest of us here in the 21st Century and get Internet access and an iPad. As the free technical support of the family, it's fallen on me to get the device up and running and to keep it running. Difficulty level: they do not own a computer. Help me think this through from all angles so I'm not getting daily calls for assistance. [more inside]
posted by Major Matt Mason Dixon on Feb 25, 2016 - 15 answers

Parent/adult child creative financial planning

I am an only child in my early 30s; my mom is in her late 50s. I have a good income, while she does not really make a living wage and has no retirement savings or pension. I am committed to taking care of her, and I want to try thinking about our finances in a unified way. [more inside]
posted by ecsh on Feb 21, 2016 - 6 answers

Help! Someone's trying to fire my mom!

My sweet, wonderful Mom just got an email from her boss that she's starting the termination process. She's a midlevel executive in a large state organization, has been for 25 years, and I think was trying to eek our her last few years till retirement and pension. She got a new crazy-sounding boss a few years ago and the situation has been getting progressively worse. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 17, 2016 - 13 answers

I'm in a rough spot in my relationship. Should I tell my mom?

I'm quite close with my mother, and discuss many aspects of my life with her. She is a good sounding board, and has good advice, especially about interpersonal issues. I've been having difficulties in my relationship with my SO for several months now. Would talking to my mother about this be a terrible idea? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 31, 2016 - 23 answers

How do I find my biological father?

I was born when my parents were but teenagers, and I never met my biological father. Twenty-six years later, I'm on the hunt for him. My mom knows hardly anything, but she's given me all the information she has (full name, name of parents, sister's name, date of birth). How do I use this information to find him? Should I hire a private detective? Or are there easier ways to go about this search. Any advice is appreciated. (Anecdote: Years ago, I mailed a letter to the house that is listed as his parents' house. However, the letter was returned to sender.)
posted by fignewton on Jan 24, 2016 - 10 answers

My Dad Really, Really Hates Jimmy Carter.

My father swears that at some point during the Carter Administration, President Carter instituted a national wage freeze, such that no employer, public or private, was permitted to give any employee a raise, supposedly to put the brakes on inflation. He further claims that this had happened to him in whatever year it was, causing family hardship. He was working in construction for a private company at that time. What, if anything, is he actually remembering? [more inside]
posted by Spathe Cadet on Jan 21, 2016 - 9 answers

Help protecting my niece after coming out to her parents

I'm gay and my husband and I are concerned about the safety of our 13-year-old niece who is in a relationship with another girl. My husband's brother and sister-in-law have reacted very poorly to learning about this. What we can do for his niece? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 14, 2016 - 18 answers

resources for troubled in-law relations?

Yeah, I know, in-law problems are so common as to be a cliche. But I don't want my family to be a cliche! The resources I've found on in-law relationships have typically been super conservative/religious, or deal with highly toxic and dramatic situations (which ours isn't), or are mostly parenting-focused (we don't have kids). Surely someone has written a book or a blog about in-law issues that are mostly about clashing personalities and priorities? [more inside]
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese on Dec 28, 2015 - 23 answers

*Text Message* Your new sister! Surprise!

My father just had a new baby today, and while it wasn't a surprise to him, it was to me. How do I start to cope with unexpected feelings of rejection, jealousy, and anger in the wake of my father's new family? Outside of myself, how do I help my youngest sister deal with it as well? [more inside]
posted by Marinara on Dec 28, 2015 - 30 answers

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