664 posts tagged with parents.
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Near, far, wherever you are: parental proximity

Geographic distance from my parents will not be the only factor I'll weigh when deciding where next to live, but it will be one of them. How might distance affect my relationship with my parents? How has it, in your own experience? What changes as I zoom out from living in the same city, to the same metro area, or to merely the same coast? [more inside]
posted by gemutlichkeit on Aug 22, 2016 - 18 answers

I guess this problem won't fix itself, and it's time to face that.

My sweet, strong, beloved Momma has become a high-functioning alcoholic in the last few years. All the literature I can find on talking to an alcoholic start with "tired of begging, pleading and fighting with your loved one about their drinking?" Well, no, I'm not, because no one has ever even MENTIONED it to my mother. Where do I/we start? I'm scared. [more inside]
posted by euphoria066 on Aug 16, 2016 - 19 answers

How normal were these childhood experiences for the 1980's-mid 90's?

If you have a sense of "normal" middle-class family dynamics in the the 1980's-mid 90's US, I would appreciate your perspective. I don't think my family was abusive, but probably emotionally neglectful. I'm struggling with depression and anxiety, am in therapy, and I am considering going no-contact with my family. I want to better understand the context of some experiences. Please help me calibrate my dysfunctionometer. [more inside]
posted by asynchronous on Aug 11, 2016 - 29 answers

My father doesn't approve of my fiancée -- how to reconcile?

My father very much does not approve of my fiancée -- how should I proceed? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 10, 2016 - 52 answers

How can I help keep my delusional, elderly parent off the streets?

I am the sole support person for one of my parents. They have no contact with any family members or past friends. In general, my parent is friendly and decent; however, they keep fleeing and/or being kicked out of housing due to their paranoid delusions. How can I help? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 4, 2016 - 9 answers

Moving back to my hometown - can I help my brother get out of a rut?

My brother is generally a caring, generous, talented, and thoughtful guy. He is also almost the definition of "stuck in a rut" - partially due to bad luck (recession), but probably more due to impulsive/emotional behavior - moodiness, impulse buys, little white lies, throwing his smartphone when angry, got a DUI not long ago, etc. It's hard to watch because he works hard (if very disorganized), is at times brilliantly self-aware. But can't seem to find his footing, and still lives with my parents. [more inside]
posted by puppet_made_of_sock on Aug 3, 2016 - 9 answers

They're bad enough...

My parents are emotionally abusive and clueless. Can I cut them out, even if it feels like I can handle it sometimes? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 2, 2016 - 23 answers

Having surgery, not sure what to do about overly-helpful mother

In the next couple months I will be having outpatient surgery in a city 2 hours away from my home. I can get there on my own, but I will need someone to stay overnight with me and drive me home the next day. My mom has very eagerly volunteered, but I don't want her to come with. [more inside]
posted by AFABulous on Jul 20, 2016 - 33 answers

How do we approach financially supporting a parent?

My husband's parents are divorcing and they are in their 60s. His mother has had ill health over the last 20 years and some mental health issues. The divorce has sent their finances into some disarray but they have not been open with us about the particulars. Now his mother is starting to ask for financial help – small things like splitting airfare for her to come visit. But she's also apparently enlisted his sister to buy presents on her behalf for the kids/extended family and then sent checks that bounce. My husband is very anxious about needing to financially support his mother but I don't like this gradual slide into support especially since we do not have a lot of extra money. [more inside]
posted by amanda on Jul 6, 2016 - 19 answers

My parents love me, but don't particularly like me

My parents definitely love me, and would reliably do anything for me, no question about it-- but I've always gotten the sense that they don't generally "like" me as a person. I've always kind of felt like the "problem child," even though I'm not trying to get in their way and by most metrics am an all-around "good" kid. Why do I feel this way? Is this even a problem? How can I go about ironing this out? [more inside]
posted by fernweh on Jul 2, 2016 - 34 answers

Fly to see my dying dad? Or stay with my tiny baby?

My dad is dying of cancer. I live a very long way away and have a small baby with health complications who probably shouldn't be flying just yet. Should I go sooner to see my dad before he gets too bad and leave my little baby behind? Should I wait for the all clear to travel with the baby and risk my dad getting really sick or dying without me seeing him? [more inside]
posted by brambory on Jul 2, 2016 - 23 answers

Anxiety in mother

My mother has always been a high level worrier but as years pass her anxieties are posing limits on her and my father. She's not been receptive to discussion of this in the past. Is there a way to broach this with her and possibly help her get the help she needs to live a more enjoyable and less restricted life? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 25, 2016 - 11 answers

My summer just fell apart

I don't feel I can stay with my parents for the remainder of the summer. Is this justified? What do I do? [more inside]
posted by myitkyina on Jun 13, 2016 - 28 answers

How to cope with living in an awful place

I'm 21 and still live in my parents' apartment. It's awfully messy with trash and clothes and clutter all over the place. My room (the only bedroom) is fairly cramped. To make matters worse my mom insists on putting laundry bags full of clothes in my room. And my 13 year old brother is going to move in my room soon. [more inside]
posted by starlybri on May 27, 2016 - 17 answers

Should we give daughter special education or let her be who she is?

We are troubled as to whether or not we should put our daughter in a math special education program. The school has said she needs it, but she is adamant that she does not want to be seen as different. [more inside]
posted by lynnie-the-pooh on May 22, 2016 - 65 answers

Should you disown a narcissistic parent?

What if your abusive parent is not classically abusive (hitting, molestation, explosive anger) but is relentlessly narcissistic, negligent, exploitative and manipulative? Father's Day is coming up in a couple of months; should I just not send that card and silently pull away? I've already not given him my new number so this would be the last nail in the coffin. [more inside]
posted by GospelofWesleyWillis on May 8, 2016 - 38 answers

How to be supportive, when I can't be there in person

My partner is going to visit his parent, who has cancer and is in palliative care in another city (and might die quite soon.) Due to my own health, I genuinely can't travel there with him. What are some ways to be supportive of my partner, when I can't be there in person?
posted by Sockpuppets 'R' Us on May 5, 2016 - 6 answers

How do I fix my life?

I am about to graduate college with a business degree, a mediocre gpa, and very little experience. I have not made a single friend in college or been in a relationship. I lived with my parents for the whole entire time in college and they expect me to be married before leaving the house. I tend to succumb to extreme laziness and procrastination. I can spend 8 hours daily on the internet instead of doing homework. This procrastination has seeped into my job search. Am I ever going to be prepared for life? [more inside]
posted by sheepishchiffon on Apr 26, 2016 - 15 answers

Hello Muthah, Hello Faddah

Does it make sense to put my parents on our wireless plan, and if so what's the best way to do that? [more inside]
posted by Lyn Never on Apr 26, 2016 - 8 answers

Formerly abusive parents who are now elderly and wanting forgiveness

Growing up, my family was squarely middle class. But that didn’t make it easy. My father was an alcoholic with a vicious temper. He was incredibly emotionally abusive, and on occasion, he was physically abusive. Think “The Great Santini”, minus the military elements. And minus the supportive mother. My mother – whom my father abused just as much as he did us – put up with every inch of it. What’s more, she basically took it out on us children, keeping herself cold and distant while never once acknowledging his faults. Now they’re dying, and man, are the guilt trips heavy. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 13, 2016 - 60 answers

Help Me Talk to My Son About the Police

ParentFilter: My five-year-old son has a lot of questions about the police. (Also the army, but mostly the police.) He wants to know who the police are, why do they come, who goes to jail, are the police the good guys, do they get the bad guys -- that sort of thing. [more inside]
posted by janet lynn on Apr 12, 2016 - 10 answers

Poem / reading ideas for a 50th anniversary

What poems / readings would you recommend for a 50th Anniversary? My parents have been having health issues so I would prefer to avoid the usual "ha ha you're falling apart" joke poems about pills and getting infirm. They are somewhat stoic but have a good sense of humor.
posted by benzenedream on Apr 9, 2016 - 7 answers

I miss my old life, pre-baby & feel extremely guilty...is this normal?

Nobody can prepare you for motherhood, nobody can even come close to describing the joys, sadness and all other mixes of emotions that come with adding a new life to your family. And nobody really shared the struggles or "not so pretty" side to motherhood, so with my feelings of yearning for my old life I feel so guilty that I haven't embraced this new life with an open heart and arms...are these feelings normal? Do mothers and fathers roles cause resentment, because there is inevitibly more responsiblity on the mothers (by nature to nurture if that makes sense)? How do you maintain a relationship with your SO when life seems to be so seperate now that a baby has arrived? A lot of the fun we had together is now seperate. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 8, 2016 - 40 answers

gift for two year old and for new parents

Hi everyone. I am going to be traveling in a month and staying with close friends, whose children I am fairy godparent to. Nephew #1 is two and a half, nephew #2 is going to be less than 3 months old. I would like to get a gift for nephew #1, the two and a half year old, and perhaps something for the parents. My needs are fairly simple, but I'm not around kids much and I don't know what I'm doing. More details under the cut. [more inside]
posted by bile and syntax on Mar 25, 2016 - 23 answers

Am I killing my mom?

Mom has early dementia. Dad just had a stroke. I'm being the tough guy and intervening on her book hoarding. Now doubting myself... help! [more inside]
posted by latkes on Mar 19, 2016 - 37 answers

Should I rock the boat?

I have written a letter to my mother in which I try to show her that her marriage to my father is not what it claims to be, and that the promised happy times that are always just around the corner are probably never going to come. Should I send it? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 19, 2016 - 43 answers

How to capture the precious newborn days?

My first child was born a few days ago, and I'm worried I'm not doing enough to capture how beautiful he is and how special these days are. Should I pay a photographer? Other ideas? Reassurance and perspective? [more inside]
posted by slidell on Mar 13, 2016 - 30 answers

Mom is mentally ill. And dying.

My mother is mentally ill. I went "no contact" seven years ago to protect myself and those in my life. I have received word that she is dying of terminal cancer. How can I know more about her condition so that I can see her at the end, but not until the end? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 29, 2016 - 41 answers

Elderly Parents + iPad - Computer = ???

So, my parents have decided to join the rest of us here in the 21st Century and get Internet access and an iPad. As the free technical support of the family, it's fallen on me to get the device up and running and to keep it running. Difficulty level: they do not own a computer. Help me think this through from all angles so I'm not getting daily calls for assistance. [more inside]
posted by Major Matt Mason Dixon on Feb 25, 2016 - 15 answers

Parent/adult child creative financial planning

I am an only child in my early 30s; my mom is in her late 50s. I have a good income, while she does not really make a living wage and has no retirement savings or pension. I am committed to taking care of her, and I want to try thinking about our finances in a unified way. [more inside]
posted by ecsh on Feb 21, 2016 - 6 answers

Help! Someone's trying to fire my mom!

My sweet, wonderful Mom just got an email from her boss that she's starting the termination process. She's a midlevel executive in a large state organization, has been for 25 years, and I think was trying to eek our her last few years till retirement and pension. She got a new crazy-sounding boss a few years ago and the situation has been getting progressively worse. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 17, 2016 - 13 answers

I'm in a rough spot in my relationship. Should I tell my mom?

I'm quite close with my mother, and discuss many aspects of my life with her. She is a good sounding board, and has good advice, especially about interpersonal issues. I've been having difficulties in my relationship with my SO for several months now. Would talking to my mother about this be a terrible idea? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 31, 2016 - 23 answers

How do I find my biological father?

I was born when my parents were but teenagers, and I never met my biological father. Twenty-six years later, I'm on the hunt for him. My mom knows hardly anything, but she's given me all the information she has (full name, name of parents, sister's name, date of birth). How do I use this information to find him? Should I hire a private detective? Or are there easier ways to go about this search. Any advice is appreciated. (Anecdote: Years ago, I mailed a letter to the house that is listed as his parents' house. However, the letter was returned to sender.)
posted by fignewton on Jan 24, 2016 - 10 answers

My Dad Really, Really Hates Jimmy Carter.

My father swears that at some point during the Carter Administration, President Carter instituted a national wage freeze, such that no employer, public or private, was permitted to give any employee a raise, supposedly to put the brakes on inflation. He further claims that this had happened to him in whatever year it was, causing family hardship. He was working in construction for a private company at that time. What, if anything, is he actually remembering? [more inside]
posted by Spathe Cadet on Jan 21, 2016 - 9 answers

Help protecting my niece after coming out to her parents

I'm gay and my husband and I are concerned about the safety of our 13-year-old niece who is in a relationship with another girl. My husband's brother and sister-in-law have reacted very poorly to learning about this. What we can do for his niece? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 14, 2016 - 18 answers

resources for troubled in-law relations?

Yeah, I know, in-law problems are so common as to be a cliche. But I don't want my family to be a cliche! The resources I've found on in-law relationships have typically been super conservative/religious, or deal with highly toxic and dramatic situations (which ours isn't), or are mostly parenting-focused (we don't have kids). Surely someone has written a book or a blog about in-law issues that are mostly about clashing personalities and priorities? [more inside]
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese on Dec 28, 2015 - 23 answers

*Text Message* Your new sister! Surprise!

My father just had a new baby today, and while it wasn't a surprise to him, it was to me. How do I start to cope with unexpected feelings of rejection, jealousy, and anger in the wake of my father's new family? Outside of myself, how do I help my youngest sister deal with it as well? [more inside]
posted by Marinara on Dec 28, 2015 - 30 answers

Should elderly parents negotiate settlement on credit card debt?

Need advice regarding whether elderly parents (in dire financial straits) should negotiate a settlement on their credit card debt. [more inside]
posted by the return of the thin white sock on Dec 22, 2015 - 17 answers

Should we still go to Istanbul?

My partner and I have a one-week trip booked to Istanbul over the new year. We've been receiving a lot of flak about going from both sides of our family to the point where we are very seriously considering cancelling our trip. Our parents are worried about acts of terrorism such as bombings and shootings (things we feel could happen anywhere), as well as extremely unlikely scenarios like being kidnapped by ISIS. My partner's mother has expressly asked us not to go. [more inside]
posted by degoao on Dec 14, 2015 - 45 answers

Setting boundaries with my sorta-disliked dad & stepmother

I'm four months pregnant, and trying to figure out what sort of boundaries I want to set with my father (who I think is an okay guy, but we aren't close), my stepmother (who I actively dislike and think is a bitter person), and how explicit I need to be about those boundaries - with myself, my husband (who is awesome!), and the two of them. I need help sorting out what I want and how to best communicate that, especially with a kid in the mix in the near future. Sorry for the enormous pile of snowflakes within! [more inside]
posted by Jaclyn on Dec 10, 2015 - 23 answers

Weekend getaway destination from San Francisco with the parents?

My husband and I are visiting my parents, who live in San Francisco, over the Christmas holidays. Something within a 2-3 hour drive, 2 day trip. We took them to Sonoma last time, which went down decently, but now that it's winter we're not as sure where to take them this time. Some restrictions below the fold: [more inside]
posted by like_neon on Nov 30, 2015 - 9 answers

Should I uninvited this person to my wedding?

My parents are throwing (and paying for) my husband and I to have religious/cultural wedding (bc they want to - we are already married). About 45% of the invitees are from my parents side, 40% from his parents side, and 15% our friends. I invited several people from college who I'm still very close with. My parents are friendly with another parents of someone in my college group who is a total mess - and invited them (and the kid, who is a mess) to the wedding. Can I uninvite the kid? [more inside]
posted by neematoad on Nov 29, 2015 - 13 answers

Have you cared for a dementia sufferer who hasn't accepted their illness?

This month the progress of my father's dementia came to a decision point, as his drivers license was suspended on Halloween. Getting him to give up driving has been fraught, as one might expect. I've been kicked out of his house twice now, but have ultimately managed to get him to stop driving. I don't blame him, as I know it's his illness, but I'm left wondering if I have to accept that he is incapable of cooperating at all in getting him the care he needs. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 18, 2015 - 15 answers

Best age to take kids to Disneyland?

We're considering taking out two girls to Disneyland next spring, when they'll be 7 and 3 1/2. Is this too young? [more inside]
posted by gottabefunky on Nov 15, 2015 - 27 answers

Continuing Estrangement

I am currently estranged from my mother. I don't know if I should give her another chance. [more inside]
posted by Garm on Nov 8, 2015 - 46 answers

How to help someone who won't help himself

My dad is 72, obese, has a whole host of health issues, and is addicted to food. I'm exhausted by caring about his health more than he does, and worried that we're running out of time. [more inside]
posted by thornhill on Oct 19, 2015 - 31 answers

Design and audience

Hi, parents of young children. I've been commissioned to design and format a series of small books aimed at you and your kind. How do you want it to look? [more inside]
posted by b33j on Oct 4, 2015 - 12 answers

Anniversary gifts for parents?

My parents' anniversary is coming up, and once again I'm stumped. I never know what makes an appropriate, welcome gift to parents from their kids. Outside of big-anniversary gifts like parties, crystal, silver, and super handcrafted scrapbooks and the like, what are some good ideas for anniversary presents in an affordable, say $25-50 range?
posted by Miko on Sep 30, 2015 - 15 answers

Christmas Planning: Awesome Toys for bright 2 year old?

What's your best toy(s) recommendation for a bright 2 to 2.5 year old? [more inside]
posted by crayon on Sep 22, 2015 - 22 answers

Embarrassing parents – encouragement please!

My parents are kind of difficult, and haven't been great parents to me. I find them embarrassing in some ways ( I feel terrible saying that but it’s true). How to navigate feeling insecure about them in front of my boyfriend, and the temptation to act insecure and pissy and create issues in my current relationship because of this? Would be great to hear reassurance from people who've gotten over their partner's difficult or embarrassing parents and loved them anyway, or from those who have difficult parents but haven't let it affect their wonderful relationship. Complicated by other issues (mostly cancer-related) – more inside! [more inside]
posted by starstarstar on Aug 3, 2015 - 19 answers

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