Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with parenting and toddler

Miiiiiiiine!

Omnomnom — Wed, 06 Mar 2013 13:06:36 -0800

Toddler possessiveness is so commonplace I feel a little ridiculous for needing help with it. But I have no idea how to act as a parent on the playground, when my almost-2-year-old refuses to let anyone play with what she is playing. At the playground we go to, most people know each other from sight and it's the culture that as long as you look around and attempt to ask the kids are allowed to play with each others' bobby cars, doll strollers, chalks and balls. The other mothers also bring a lot of snacks and encourage the kids to share. I really like this.

For instance, my girl did not want to play with her ball. But she did not want anyone else to play with it either. She wanted me to hold her ball so that nobody else could get at it. Attempts to share ("first you kick the ball and then the girl kicks it!") were unacceptable.

She also does the usual things of trying to push other kids away from the steering wheel etc.

I am not sure how much I ought to intervene and how to do it. My neighbour, who has two bright, well adjusted and friendly children says that as long as the children are more or less the same age she pretty much keeps out of it unless someone cries or gets hurt. She says it's not good to keep interfering with the kids' social interactions. But she also says she gets the evil eye from a lot of other moms.

I myself was a loner as a kid and others tended to take my stuff while I stayed put and cried. I have a few hang ups about that and don't want to pass them on to my child. I want to have her back but I also don't want to encourage her to be antisocial.

Do you have any concrete suggestions about what to say and how to deal with the WAAAAAAAh?

Looking for novels featuring good parenting

SandiBeech — Tue, 15 Jan 2013 12:39:30 -0800

I want to improve my parenting skills for my almost-2-year old. I don't have a lot of role models nearby, so I'd like to do some reading. I tend to put off reading non-fiction, even if it is well-written about a topic I am interested in. However, I will read novels even if they aren't very good and I don't really have time to read them. I was surprised at how much I picked up about ancient Egypt by reading Elizabeth Peters's Amelia Peabody mysteries, so it is possible for me to learn something from a novel that is not intentionally didactic. Does anyone have a recommendation for a novel that includes characters involved in good parenting of small children? By "good parenting" I am thinking of "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk," which advocates a style of collaboration with your kids rather than a heavy handed top-down approach. I'm most interested in gentle mystery, sci-fi, and fantasy. I would rather avoid horror and thriller.

Teaching kids to deal with frustration

drezdn — Fri, 28 Dec 2012 09:19:36 -0800

How did you teach your toddler/pre-schooler to best deal with frustration?

Are all the other dads wearing cups?

French Fry — Thu, 29 Nov 2012 13:03:19 -0800

I feel like I’m getting hit in the gentlemen’s region by my baby/toddler more often than is probably normal. Also a lot harder than I would have expected. I have some questions… I have a one year old daughter who is abnormally (gloriously) big strong and agile. 32 inches tall about 25 pounds, fast runner, good climber, throws things, etc. She is essentially a two year old except without the verbal, developmental, or communication abilities.

I love her to death, she is the light of my life and she hits me in the junk a lot. Like doubled –over-in-pain hard probably twice a week, maybe more. It should be noted I have taken a lot of hits to this area since middle school fights, so I might have simply forgotten what this was like.

As I’ve said she is really big, strong and fast. So the physical capacity to harm of a full on terrible twos toddler, but without any intention. She is just running, flailing her arms, stomping about. She is just about in-seem height so plastic cars and full size NFL footballs are whipping around at that level all day. Also if she is in a lap and music is on (or not) she will dance. Read: stomp.

I can’t really explain to her not to do this, we are more in the phase of not touching the lamps, or climbing into the tub, not climbing up to the TV, not knocking over chairs. “Don’t play near Dad” is about her level of understanding and not a rule I want to introduce.

So Dads: Do you just get really good at turning to the side all the time, like you are in a dance fight with your baby? Do you just avoid lap time? Develop ninja like reflexes? Start wearing a cup?

I suspect the answer might be “you’ll get used to it” but in case there are solutions or tips out there I would love to know them.

Strict dad or easy-going dad?

zardoz — Tue, 27 Nov 2012 20:32:08 -0800

At times my 3-year-old son deliberately misbehaves. Do I double down on the discipline, or shrug it off? My son is generally a very well-behaved boy. My wife and I see the difference between him and other (less well-behaved) kids, and others have remarked how quiet and polite he is (yes, I'm bragging, deal with it). Of course, it isn’t like that all the time, nor do I expect it to be. He's only three, and has to learn how to live with others.

He is in preschool now, and he’s been copying other kids’ behavior since he started about six months ago. Namely, some of the bratty kids—kids whose behavior ranges from playing a bit too rough to being directly aggressive—these kids my son is both a victim of (he’s usually a passive type) and something that he mimics.

Yesterday was about as clear-cut as it gets. My son and I were playing around in the living room, he was being very loud and silly, which is kind of sort of new for him. He starts going around to the lights and the lamps, turning them off. “Don’t do that, son, turn them back on,” I said, again, and again, and again. He sort of complies, but then runs over to the lamp nearest my wife and deliberately turns that one off.

“Turn that lamp back on,” I said. He laughed and ran around the room. I repeat this a few times. I explain that mommy’s reading and she needs the light. My wife joins in with the same—firmly asking with a reason attached.

I should perhaps point out my wife is much more of a disciplinarian, whereas I let the boy slide on things she wouldn’t. This time, though, I saw my two choices plain as day; First option: double down. Don’t give him an inch, don’t let him do anything else until he’s turned on that lamp. Second option: laugh it off, chalk it up to him being silly. It wasn’t a harmful thing, and he’s only doing it because he wants to play and thinks it’s funny.

I double down. Instead of asking, I raised my voice a bit and ordered him to “Turn on that light!” He’s stopped smiling at this point, knows I’m serious, but won’t go over and turn on the light. At my wits end, I did my nuclear option, which we employ from time to time: I threatened to throw away this or that toy. And said that Santa wasn’t coming this year. He said “No! No!” and began to cry, but when I said “If you want to keep them, then go turn on the lamp,” he still wouldn’t go. If you think mules are stubborn...

Long story short, it took 10 further minutes of alternately between being angry and demanding and being cajoling and explanatory.

Sorry for the wall but if I can boil it down to one question it’s this: is the threatening to throw away toys going over some line? I felt like shit saying it, but it usually works quickly with him. This time I had to threaten over and over, so it’s really stuck with me how shitty I’m making him feel. What else should I have done, though? Thanks, parents, and non-parents, in advance. I’m sure MeFi has superstar parents that can shed some light on this for me.

How do I make myself a good mother?

andariel — Mon, 29 Oct 2012 12:52:40 -0800

I'm a crappy parent and my daughter doesn't like me--now what do I do? I am a mother to a 14-month-old girl. I wrote a previous post about being overwhelmed with school, work, and motherhood. I recently brought my daughter to a developmental specialist because she wasn't walking yet. She observed her, and although the walking wasn't an issue, she was very concerned about the relationship I have with her.

My daughter doesn't say "mama". When asked "Where's mama?", she doesn't even blink an eye. She points and babbles, so the pediatrician doesn't think it's autism. My daughter is perfectly fine when I leave the room. I could leave for hours, days, and when I come back, I will be lucky if she even looks at me. She doesn't kiss me or hug me, although she is perfectly capable and does it to her toys.

She prefers everyone else over me. Sometimes, even a friendly stranger. She screams when I take her away from her auntie, my mother, or daycare provider. She will, when I am in the room, crawl up to anyone else except for me, and climb up their leg to be picked up. Even cling to their leg when I try to pick her up.

Even as a newborn, I've never felt she preferred me over anyone else. I never felt like we really, truly bonded.

I work full-time. I leave at 7:30am to drop her off at daycare, and she drops her off at 630 at night. I have to drive a little to get her to daycare, because I don't start work until 9. I travel for work about once every month or month and a half for 3-5 days. I have class one night a week (3 additional classes from getting my Bachelors degree). I am putting therapy on hiatus because I need to spend more time with my daughter.

I think I'm too quiet around her. I play with her, but doing a running narration of everything to interact doesn't come naturally at all. I feel like I lack maternal instincts. I am beyond clueless--I don't instinctually "know" anything at all. My daughter is resentful already and is apparently having attachment/abandonment issues. I feel like a complete failure as a mother. As a human being. I play with her, but I don't feel like I do it well, as I see other mothers do. I do silly things to get her to laugh. I try to be cuddly but she pushes me away (she is cuddly to just about everyone else).

My confidence is shot to hell. I feel like I should have given her up for adoption to a loving SAHM with a real family. Instead she has an overwhelmed, scatterbrained, unprepared ding-dong who had to be taught how to hold a baby. My schedule is so jam-packed that I've caused attachment issues in my daughter.

Deep down, I still don't truly feel like a mom. I'm bored crawling around my apartment for an hour, making silly faces to elicit a smile. I love alone time. When she is cranky, I am in the worst mood--I just think about running far, far away. When she is in a good mood, I enjoy being around her. But I just feel so rejected. FWIW, I've never hit her, and I rarely ever raise my voice. Maybe 2-3 times in her existence. I come off as a little cold and distracted sometimes (just comes natural) but I always try to make eye contact, smile alot, and cuddle.

What do I even do now? She has a great, loving, close relationship with her daycare provider, who is the one that watches her while I'm away. I was considering leaving my apartment, which I love, and living in some crappy apartments closer to her daycare so it will buy me a few more hours a week with her and cut down on travel. I love my job and I really don't want to leave. I just don't see myself quitting and living off welfare for the rest of my life so I can stay home. Do I find a crappy job that barely pays the bills so I can spend more time with her?

I know it's a loaded question, but I feel like a crappy parent in an unfit situation. I don't know one other parent (of an infant/toddler) whose child hates them. What do I do now? How do I bond with her? How can I get her to like me?

Needs clear rules

Omnomnom — Fri, 12 Oct 2012 11:58:15 -0800

My 18-month-old suddenly has very specific ideas about what she wants or doesn't want to do RIGHT NOW. And boy, does she holler when she is thwarted! I end up not being as consistent as I want to be. Please help me come up with a strategy. My problem is, my default attitude when other people want to do something with me that I am not crazy about is, "well ok, not my cup of tea, but if they really want to..." I am working on having the confidence of expressing what I want, but in the meantime this is getting in the way of parenting.

I came up with a plan that said "since I tend to be overpermissive, I am going to err on the side of strictness. Whenever Toddler Nom does something I am not crazy about, I am going to say no. As a mom, I am allowed to say no for not better reason than that I don't like something."

But then when it comes to saying no, I run up against my other rule which is "pick your battles". And I think, "so she's eating a cookie on the sofa, which I told her I don't like because of the potential mess. But is this really the hill I want to die on? What does it matter in the long run if she does spread a few cookie crumbs on the sofa?"

And so I second guess myself and I start dithering, which is against my most important rule, "be consistent"!

Another example is, I wanted to put her in the carrier to go shopping for dinner. But she was just busy playing with my purse. I took the purse away, she screamed. I took her out again and thought about it. Then, I put her into the carrier with my purse, she screamed again. I took her out again. Then, after scratching my head and thinking "this is ridiculous", I just put the yelling kid into the carrier by force and walked out. I feel like I could have spared us both the yelling by being more consistent.

Despite all that I did get yelled at at least 15 times today. Sometimes I got so frustrated at being yelled at despite my leniency that I just walked out for a bit. But I also know that Toddler Nom's behaviour is completely age appropriate and that from her point of view, she ALWAYS loses!

I feel like I'm a pretty bad parent at the moment and I would like some help at coming up with a strategy I can draw on while making my decision when my kid starts yelling. Thank you!

Should I take my baby on this trip?

gentian — Tue, 02 Oct 2012 09:32:08 -0800

Car trip from Massachusetts to New Jersey with a 16 month old. Staying two nights in a hotel. I'd like to day trip into NYC with the toddler. Is there a way to make this work or is it just a bad idea? My husband is going to a convention in Morristown, NJ next month for three days and two nights. Our son will be 17 months old then. I am basically a stay-at-home mom.

If I only had myself to consider, my ultimate idea of fun is to wander around NYC for a day. Or even an hour. I am at the point where seeing a three-legged dog is an exciting day for me.

As I see it, I have three options.

A. Leave the baby at home. My parents have offered to take the baby for all three days, but I don't think I can let him go for that long. If it were one night, I could do it. But two nights?! I think I'd miss him so much that the trip wouldn't be any fun.

B. Take the baby. This could potentially work but my son has never slept away from home except for brief naps at Grammy's. He's never been on an eight hour car ride. He's never slept in a hotel. He has a routine that he's used to at home. But he is a remarkably good-natured and tolerant little man and he loves people.

We could take the train into the city but the Internet says that takes 74 minutes and I think that'd be pushing it, round trip. We could drive into the city or somewhere nearby (no, I've never driven in Manhattan) and park somewhere. Can anyone recommend a place? I'm willing to pay about $50. I'd like to just walk around the Village or Midtown.

C. Stay home. This kind of sucks but it might be the best option for the little guy, who really isn't going to get much out of a trip. My husband and I could take another trip sometime for one night, but realistically my husband doesn't like to travel, so I am trying to seize an opportunity while I get it.

Any advice from parents or NYC experts would be much appreciated.

Promoting a Toddler's Self Efficacy

cardamon — Sat, 29 Sep 2012 13:50:48 -0800

I'd like to promote self-efficacy in my toddler, and am looking for different methods of going about it. My 2.5 y/o is a very smart boy, and shows promising signs of great character - curious, friendly, confident and easy going. Sitting with my wife today, talking about that, I realized he is quite formed - in that sense that people acquire their basic traits in the first few years of their lives. So I asked myself: is there something I'd like to strengthen about him, while I still can?* And the answer was: Yes. We want him to develop stronger self efficacy. We want him to be more determined when he's up to a task. We want to promote his longer-term dedication to stuff he's doing.

Now, we all know to encourage our kids when opportunity knocks - "You can do it! Yeah! You made it!" - but how do I bring about these opportunities? Do any of you have any ideas on how to deliberately create situations and activities that'll challenge him, demand an effort on his side, and be fun and rewarding to a toddler his age? A friend suggested sports as a direction, but that's a little vague - I'd be happy to hear more specific suggestions in this field, as in any other.

* To some, this may sound as if I'm not accepting my child for who he is. Let me assure you this is not the case: We make a continuous conscious effort to be empowering parents. It's just that we realize we have a role in shaping his character - and that our window of opportunity here closes fast.

Insane 2 year old found abandoned by exhausted parents

Slarty Bartfast — Sun, 27 Nov 2011 08:21:31 -0800

Seattle 2 year old is going stir crazy every day and needs to get out of the house. We're getting tired of our usual local activities, what are some of your favorites? 2 and 3/4 year old entering an exceptionally whiny, oppositional phase, a brand new baby brother at home, preschool just starting and we have 9 more months of winter ahead of us. There's only so much Aquarium and Children's Museum I can handle. Looking for fun 2-3 hour distractions within 30 minutes of Seattle to survive the winter.

I've checked ParentMap and they have some ideas there, and a friend turned us on to the Lynnwood Recreation Center wading pool which is awesome. These are the kinds of suggestions I am looking for.

How do we help our toddler to be confident?

Nickel Pickle — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 16:04:40 -0800

How did you instill confidence in your children? How did your parents help you become a confident child and adult? Mr. Pickle and I both came into our confidence as adults. We were raised by parents to not be "too full of ourselves" or cocky. I've heard it described as a typical modest mid-western attitude, but don't know how accurate that is.

Our daughter will be 2 in December, and we don't know how to best instill confidence in her. She is generally happy and neither shy nor overly outgoing. There isn't a problem, she knows there is lots of unconditional love, but we both feel that our childhood would have been improved if we had been more confident.

Any specific advice or anecdotal experience you wish to share would be greatly appreciated.

How to discipline an active toddler without being overly "no" and negative?

stormpooper — Thu, 04 Nov 2010 07:29:28 -0800

How do you discipline a 2 year old without being "that parent"? Our 2 year old is a curious little guy and is always, always on the move. We love him more than words. However, the more curious he gets the more risks he's taking thus the more disciplinging we get into. I grew up in a house of screaming and fear. I do not want to be that parent. I've read Happiest Toddler on the Block but the whole "caveman" discipline just doens't sink in or I"m doing it wrong. My friend's theory is to talk with him by stating empathy (I know you want that toy) and giving alternatives (but you know, you can't have that toy becasue it's dangerous and you can choke and then I would be sad). You know, a 2 year old that has the attention span of 2 seconds is not going to sit there and listen to my 5 min. explaination.

It's come down to the point of me going on Prozac because I know I'm not a person with patience and all I know is a raised voice (not to the scream-fest my parents gave me). But after say yesterday which was filled with:

Sit down!---as he stands on our kitchen chair, which has slipped out from underneath him where he fell and banged his head

Get down!--where he is standing on top of the couch looking out of the window. If he fell backwards, holy head injury.

Please don't turn on that tub (the hot water is what he can reach)!

Get that our of your mouth! I've never seen him grab something so quickly and shove it in his mouth where he almost swallowed it. I had to swab his mouth to get it.

I'm sorry honey but I have to get this email out (I work from home 1 day a week) which resulted in a top of lungs screaming tantrum (he's getting good at this). Then preceeded by him hitting the wall, me, etc. (not sure where he's learning the hitting!! But he never outright hits to be mean).

And so on and so on. It was a trying day nonetheless and first day on Prozac left me in and out tiredness but it sure did kick the internal frustration.

I'm becoming overwhelmed, depressed, and anxious because nothing is working without the standby 'no no no no' and you know I don't want to be a constant wave of negativity to this very rambunctious, active, curious little man. He doesn't deserve that. But my goal is to keep him safe (we have babyproofed the house and he STILL gets into things).

So any suggestions before he views me as mean ol mom who always says no?

Toddler wants to stand in the bath... ?

cavalier — Fri, 10 Sep 2010 13:34:50 -0800

My (toddler?) 16 mo old son has developed a new habit at bath time: standing. While he has been a little hesitant to go walking solo outside the tub -- inside the tub he has suddenly become enthralled with the idea. Any suggestions on how to handle what has become a standing.. sponge bath? If he has become afraid of the tub, he's going about it in a very covert way -- no crying, no upset, nothing but happy baby; that is, unless I try to force him to sit. He'll play with the detachable shower head, the tub nozzle, any toys that are around... as long as he can stand. Attempts to encourage him to sit, to pick him up and sit him, or communicate with him that he should sit... no. He will occasionally grow tired or bored and want to sit to play with something -- but he will soon snap out of this and want to stand again. Huh.

Short of a fear of him falling and whacking himself hard on the tub itself -- something I've placed thicker non-slip mats and my shoulder in the tub for -- should I even worry about this?

Help me manage the transition to daycare!

Bardolph — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 09:56:18 -0800

My 17-month-old is starting daycare for the first time. Should we send her for two, or three days per week? And what changes should I expect in her personality or our relationship as a result of this? First of all, a disclaimer: apologies for the beanplating about all this. I realize my kid will probably be fine regardless, but have not yet managed to shed all that initial OMG-MUST-GET-THIS-EXACTLY-RIGHT-THE-SLIGHTEST-MISSTEP-SPELLS-DOOM new-parent anxiety.

Until now, my kid has stayed at home full-time, being looked after by a parent, relations or full-day babysitter. Very soon, though, she'll need to start going to daycare either two or three days per week from ~8:30-4:30 or so. We've found an in-home situation run by a grandmother who seems nice; there are five other kids who go there (most ~3-4 years old, one infant). It's a little small and dark, but there's a big yard and the provider seemed the kindest and most responsible of the people we interviewed.

My daughter is currently fairly quiet, gentle and even-tempered, VERY well-behaved, and not boisterous or destructive at all. She's whip-smart, curious, and has a great relationship with her dad and me. I'm worried that these things will change when she goes to daycare. I'm also worried, obviously, that she'll have a miserable time and be scarred for life. I've combed obsessively through the Ask Moxie archives and dipped into various abominably-spelt Babycenter posts, but I still have just a few questions, if anyone who's been around this block wouldn't mind chiming in:

1. I work from home, so we have a bit of flexibility where timing is involved. Is there any compelling reason to opt for three vs. two days per week of daycare? Three seems like a lot (almost 50% of the week!), but will only two days make it harder for her to adjust and get into the swing of things?

2. Is 8:30-4:30 too long a day for a kid this age? The provider charges by the day, so shortening the hours would be expensive and inefficient, but it could be managed.

3. Lastly, with the understanding that every child is unique, what changes can I expect to see in my daughter as we navigate this transition? Any tips for avoiding the more unpleasant ones?

Big man scary!

Bardolph — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 09:37:06 -0800

My baby is terrified of her grandfather. What can we do to get her to like him a bit better? Over the past few months, my 10-month-old daughter has gone from perfect amiability, to suspicious, accusing stares, to full-on crying when my dad is around. Her initial misgivings were somewhat understandable: although he's a great guy and good with kids, he does have a big booming voice, tends to laugh loudly and suddenly, and until recently had a bushy Santa Claus beard. Even now that he's shaved off the beard and tries to be somewhat quieter around her, though, she's not really a fan. Grandma, other extended family and friends are fine, but she stays edgy around Grandpa.

I know some amount of stranger anxiety is normal at this age, but I'm told I carried a fixed grudge against one set of my grandparents until I was 7 (!!), and I'd really like to nip this before it gets that far. Plus, although my dad certainly understands that children can be this way, I know he's a little hurt when she constantly squirms away from him and cries to be picked up by other people.

Is there anything we can do to help them be better friends? Baby and grandpa currently see each other on a once- or twice-weekly basis, but that could be stepped up or down as necessary. Any techniques you've seen used successfully to help toddlers come to terms with scary people in their lives?

Why does my two-year-old throw up almost daily?

homelystar — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 08:21:03 -0800

My 28-month-old boy throws up like Stan in "South Park," every 2 to 3 days. How can we help him keep his food down? For the past three months or so, G. has thrown up at least a couple of times a week. For the past three weeks, it's been almost every day! We're seeing a GI specialist tomorrow.

I know sensitive gag reflexes and vomiting when upset are very common in toddlers. This particular toddler has always been a very enthusiastic eater, and he spat up a lot in his first year. He doesn't have a fever when he does it and he's still gaining weight. But...every day? If anyone else's kids did this at this age, what helped?

Triggers seem to be:
- coughing (if he has a cold)
- eating too fast and/or not chewing his food enough (which happens a lot; we tell him to take small bites and eat slowly, but we also end up cutting his food in very small pieces because he often tries to wolf it down anyway)
or
- being upset--such as on the first day of preschool, or after skinning his knee at the playground.

He's also reached way back into his mouth and then thrown up a few times; I think that was only when he had a molar coming in.

We've tried reducing or eliminating dairy products from his diet, since his dad has allergies and asthma which get worse when he eats dairy foods. It didn't seem to make any difference. There's no other family history of digestive problems or food intolerance that we know of. G. has a prescription for an albuterol inhaler which we've used a few times when he has a cold and starts to wheeze; that doesn't seem to affect the throwing up one way or the other, either.

Thanks for any advice you have. If you know of anything specific we should ask the doctor--actually, nurse practitioner--I'd appreciate that too.

Toddler dropping the F-bomb! How to get him to stop?

mikee — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 09:45:20 -0800

My toddler is saying, "fuck". Funny when some kid on YouTube says it, not funny when your 2 year old says it at a church during prayer! And he's not trying to say truck like a defective Elmo. He's actually picked it up...(I'm no an angel, but my wife and I try to watch our mouths) and ohmygosh please any ideas on how to make him stop? What sucks the most is most other parents assume his mom and I swear like sailors. My theory on how he picked it up...he probably heard us or TV say the word or he was trying to say another word...we reacted to it...and now it's his favorite little show when he's angry and not getting his way. We've tried suggesting he was trying to say another word like frog or truck...telling him to say another word that's more fun like "fooey"...and now since he gets a devlish look on his face when he says it, so we've opted for discipline. Other parents: your kids ever done this so young? Did people look at you like the scum of the earth when he was throwing a tantrum at Target, too? lol

Help me hack my Leap Frog

middleclasstool — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 18:09:31 -0800

Can you hack toddler toys to lower the speaker volume? I was complaining to friends over New Years Eve dinner that seemingly every toy company that manufactures battery operated toddler toys seems to want to simultaneously damage my son's hearing and destroy my sanity. Some have low/high volume switches, but half the time "low" means "Ted Nugent concert" and high means "Ted Nugent concert in the midst of a large-scale deforestation."

One of my friends mentioned he had heard that it was possible to alter the toys' circuit boards to monkey with the volume, but he didn't have a link. Google's getting me nothing so far but links to studies that confirm my fears -- that these toys do put my son at risk for hearing loss. He likes them, so I don't want to take them away, but I'd like to turn them way down.

I have a multimeter but don't know how to use it beyond making sure an outlet isn't live. Are there resources for a guy like me? Is this kind of thing even possible?

Hey Junior, why are you so rashy on your wrists and neck?

Overzealous — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 17:52:24 -0800

Is there anywhere that sells all-cotton winter coats for toddlers? My fragile son has skin allergies and while the usual mountain climbing gear may be great for all of those two-year-olds who are climbing Mount Kilimanjaro, what about the kids who need their skin to breathe free, man? My two-year-old son is a delicate flower with bad skin reactions to Acrylic, Polyester and Nylon. Living in Michigan as we do, he needs a winter coat. Most winter coats are awesome sweat-wicking powerhouses but I'm looking for somewhere (mail-order, interwebs, enterprising hippie shop) that sells a jacket capable of handling sub-freezing temps but not made of wool, polar fleece or anything made by Dupont. Anyone?

Why isn't my toddler talking in sentences yet?

echolalia67 — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 13:14:38 -0800

ParentingFilter: My two year-old isn't speaking in sentences yet. Should I worry? My son has been saying words for over a year. However he rarely uses two-word phases other than saying hello to the dog or cat. He does chat to himself, but it's nothing that can be identified as a word, just sing-song, Cocteau Twins-type vocalizations. When he wants to communicate, he mostly points and gestures, occasionally saying a word to emphasize the point. When he gets angry, he cries and vocalizes, but no actual words. I have to go down a checklist of possible causes until I find the right one - then he'll either nod or repeat the word. He has never uttered a sentence. However, in all other respects, he seems to be a bright, normal little boy.

I didn't think it was a problem until I spoke to his pediatrician who raised the concern that he might be autistic. I'm pretty sure that he isn't - he's very social, loves to show-off to adults, likes to be around and play with other kids, is affectionate, likes to be cuddled. Doesn't flap his hands or do any other type of stimming. He is, however, pretty rigid about what he eats, likes arrange his toys in a long line and can get really upset if someone moves one of them even slightly.

The other thing that she mentioned is that he might have an "receptive-expressive language disorder". I kept a diary of the words that he has uttered and he actually has a pretty large vocabulary - he just doesn't use it very often. My husband thinks I'm worrying too much and that he'll come around soon enough. I don't want to make a problem where none exists, but the more 2 year olds I meet, the more concerned I get. There is a big difference between their language skills and those of my son. Help me, hivemind!

How can I get a sitting gig with no experience?

sondrialiac — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 12:18:24 -0800

How can I get a babysitting gig with no experience or references? I want a babysitting or even a nanny position, preferably with babies or younger children. I have a potential gig, because I ended up interacting with a toddler in a public place and we really hit it off.

However, I'm worried about getting the job because I don't have any babysitting references or experience. I have spent time watching my nieces and nephews over the holidays, here and there, but never alone.

I will be infant/child CPR certified soon. I do have character references but not any related to child care.

What questions would you ask me if you were considering hiring me? What would be your biggest concerns? Is there anything (truthful, of course) I could do/say that would make you feel more comfortable with me?

How do I get my toddler to stop freaking out at bath time?

echolalia67 — Sun, 30 Sep 2007 12:12:26 -0800

ToddlerFilter: Why did my 14 month old son go from absolutely loving to fearing and loathing bathtime? What can I do to get him to like taking baths again? My kid used to absolutely love taking baths - it was arguably one of the most enjoyable parts of the nighttime routine. However, sometime in mid-August he started getting a little upset and resistant. After a few days it seemed like we got over the hump and he was back to liking bathtime. Then he went with my husband to visit his grandparents for a week and ever since he got back, he's been absolutely dead-set against baths. He cries hysterically and tries to climb up my arms to get out of the tub. His previously much loved bath toys are now useless for amusing and distracting him.

I've tried taking a bath with him (somewhat less hysterical, cries and plays with toys simultaneously), bathing him in the kitchen sink (okay until he realizes that he's being BATHED and then freaks out), and bubble bath (not fooled in the least, total meltdown). Right now, we're down to bathing him every couple of days by having him stand ankle deep in a tub of warm water, gently wetting him down with a squirt bottle filled with warm, soapy water and using a small bowl to pour water over his body to rinse him off. Hair washing is completely out of the question as getting water on his face and head completely sends him off the deep end. Even this abbreviated routine is a torturous experience for all involved. Advice?

Help us deal with a toddler's insane demands

Siberian Mist — Thu, 06 Apr 2006 02:03:20 -0800

Our two and a half year old is driving everyone crazy. He’s going through a phase of extreme uncooperativeness. A typical example: he wakes up, and demands milk. Once you get him the milk, he refuses it hysterically. So you take it away, which leads to more hysteria. Then he says he wants you to take him out of bed, but once you do, he starts screaming he wants to sleep some more. This continues for half an hour or so, and then things calm down. The pattern is clear, and I think we’re somehow reinforcing his behaviour. He first started behaving this way a couple of months ago, when he had an ear infection, but now he’s doing it when he’s perfectly healthy. The thing is: when he’s not having one of his fits, he’s the sweetest, most loving kid you can imagine. What would be the best strategy to deal with this behaviour? Maybe I should add he has a brother who’s one year older. He went through a difficult phase too, so we have experience with a two year old’s identity crisis – but nothing like this. Help!

Gifted toddlers

acoutu — Wed, 14 Dec 2005 23:46:17 -0800

Resources for parenting gifted toddlers and pre-schoolers. Several people -- ranging from former teachers to complete stranges -- have suggested my son may be gifted. I'm interested in books and resources on parenting gifted children during the toddler and pre-school years.

(I recognize that my son may not actually be gifted, but I'd still like to read up on the subject, just in case.) Thanks in advance.