My mother, aged 73, would like to move from NYC to near us in the Boston 'burbs to be closer to us and our little daughter (though not moving in with us). She's lived in NYC for 45 years, so wherever she moves would be a big transition. I'd be grateful for any resources, tips, and experiences for helping aging parents with a similar move. [more inside]
The carpet in the downstairs family room in my mom's house needs to be replaced. I'm trying to figure out the best option. [more inside]
Having my first kid. Need to get stuff. Looking for for some tips! [more inside]
I'm due to start a new job in five weeks. Since I accepted, my dad has been admitted to home hospice. Should I tell me new employer? [more inside]
Dad has been living alone and recently went into the hospital for emergency back surgery/COPD-related bronchitis. My sister and I are concerned for his health and she has asked him to move in to her house. How should we prepare and what house rules should she have in place? [more inside]
Is it weird that I want to have another kid (but don’t want to get pregnant again). Like adopting one, or hire a surrogate (my egg and donor sperm). I am single parent (mother) already. I think I can pull this off financially (We wont be rich, but we wont be poor either). But is it a very radical idea? I am no Angelina Jolie – just your normal average Jane. The world is still a man’s world as much I hate admitting it or observing it. Will I completely blow my changes of ever finding a life partner if I do this. I feel very strongly about adopting and have been thinking about it for a very long time now. Suggestions, anyone? How should I think about this? My therapist strongly advised against it because in her opinion I haven’t accessed the risks of bringing another kid into my life and my daughter’s life.
I just found out my dad does meth and I don't know how to approach him and/or his fiancé. [more inside]
A long time has passed since I posted here, and a lot has happened in that long time. Quick update is that now I am legally divorced. I also got laid off last year and thankfully was able to find another great job quickly. Moved to NYC, which is a fantastic city and I went to school here so have a lot more friends here than when I was in Boston. Anyway, so I want to date. I don’t know if I want to get into a serious relationship just yet, but I just want to share my life with someone and do fun things on weekends. Where do I meet responsible, loving, educated men who would want to date me? I haven’t seen anyone in two years (since separation/divorce)… I think I should change that… [more inside]
At what point in the long, slow, steady decline of a marriage with young children does "we should keep trying to work things out, if only for the kids" become "for the kids' sake, we shouldn't be together"? [more inside]
As an only-child parent of two wonderful girls who are entering the Age of Sibling Interaction with a roar, quite often I find myself wondering...what the hell is going on? [more inside]
My ex has suddenly decided he wants to parent again. He got a bit screwed when it came to holidays and summer because based on his behavior during our marriage and the divorce he wouldn't be bothered. Anyways he says he has a lawyer and is going to send me papers to sign to lower his monthly child support payment and adjust holiday visits because he is making less money than when we got divorced. This is likely true he had the best job he has ever had aside from the military when we were getting divorced. [more inside]
For my son’s high school history class, he has been assigned an in-class argument/opinion essay. The teacher ended most of the lecturing this week and has given them time to prepare thesis statements for the essays. Here is where it starts to get complicated (at least to my son and me): [more inside]
As a teacher, I regularly have contact with kids who are feeling some very strong emotions. Many of these children are coming to terms with a separation or divorce in their families. So I’m hoping that the hivemind can help me find resources about how to talk to kids about their emotions, and especially what to do when they seem flooded. [more inside]
What is a playdate, anyway? Is it a social occasion where parents hang out together while their kids play together in close proximity? And how did this pattern emerge? do people in other countries do this or is it mainly an American thing? [more inside]
My mother has terminal cancer, and I don't know how much time she has left. Others with experience losing a parent: what would I regret not doing with this time? [more inside]
Hi guys I live in us and my mom in Romania. We talk on the phone quite often- everyday being that I am the only child. But it hurts me so much when I talk to her to know that she drank, or that she is drunk. The way I suspect it is by speech. She is not that fluent, the words come out harder from her mouth. I know her, and I know if she drank just by listening to her speech. Obviously she denies like any addict. This thing kills me because I know it kills her. How do I deal with it? I told her repeatedly that I hate it. I was thinking to stop talking to her. Basically I was thinking that if one night I call and she is drunk then don't call for a week. Hopefully she can link her drinking to me not calling which she freaks out if I don't call. It might not work but at least I keep my sanity because after I see her like that my whole day is ruined.
I am in my early forties, single and childless. Many of my peers have opted to marry and have babies. I don't see myself joining them any time soon but I'd like to understand them a little better. So what are the aspects of parenthood that single, childless people (men in particular) Just Don't Get? [more inside]
Both my young adult children are going to France 1 for school the other just because. I need some advice? [more inside]
My 8 year old is showing some odd behavior - is this a phase, personality, or something that needs professional attention? [more inside]
My Dad often has trouble with the computer that run along the lines of "can't download email attachment" or "doesn't know how to forward email". I need a program that will allow me to access his computer remotely so I can do simple common tasks for him, as he's unable to retain the information even when we go through it step-by-step, over long drawn out phone calls. Being able to see what's on his screen, or to indicate to him where to click would simplify things for both of us greatly. I have used RealVNC before, but only within a home network and don't know how challenging it is to do over the internet. We are both using Windows 7. Thanks.
A family friend who is divorced has been an alcoholic for more then several years. She has primary custody of a teenage daughter. We have kept in touch with the alcoholic mom but sporadically due to her behavior. Recently I found out the the daughter was cutting and acting out, I believe due to the stress of living with her mom. Because of this I started texting the daughter just to check in and give her some positive messages (mostly like “hope you have a good day” and “I’m so impressed how you did on that test”). I did ask her if she’d like to go to an alateen meeting which she agreed to but only if I went with her. However we haven’t set a date. [more inside]
Never had children of my own - how do I handle meeting a new partner's child for the first time? [more inside]
My Dad died this week after a long illness. I don't feel a thing, except maybe tired. How do I get my feelings back? Are there resources for people like me? [more inside]
Over the next year, my friend will be doing a lot of air travel with her one-year-old child in tow. What are some useful products that will make the whole airport/airplane process easier for both of them?
First, I understand that no one here is my lawyer. I recently ordered my free credit report for the first time. When I looked at the information, I discovered that my mom had put several utility bills and even credit cards in my name when I was a minor. Because she didn't always pay the bills on time, or at all, my credit is pretty bad. I'm not interested in pursuing criminal charges against my mom, but I do want to get these marks off my credit. What can I do to fix my credit? Who should I contact and what should I say?
Can anybody recommend a counsellor/ mediator in London, specialising in reconciling estranged parents and adult children? [more inside]
My ex-wife suddenly vanished over 2 years ago to her native Asian country, leaving behind a son (then 1, now 3) and daughter (then 6, now 8). Contact was intermittent (sometimes once a week and sometimes every three months). I asked her to commit to a regularly scheduled call and she refused to do so. I also found the phone calls to be borderline abusive to my daughter (the daughter would ask, "Mommy when are you coming back," and the mother would reply, "When are you going to come see me?" which caused the daughter to feel responsible for her absence - or the Skype video chats where the daughter would have the camera on but the mother refused to do so). I have since cut off contact with the mother in order to protect my daughter, though wonder if it is the correct decision. [more inside]
My (boy / girl) twins will be entering kindergarten this September. We've been asked if we want them placed into separate classes, or left together in the same class. Need to give them our answer by Monday and frankly, I'm at a loss and have no idea what I should do. If you are a parent of school-age or older twins, can you please share what you did and why? If you yourself are a twin, how did your parents handle it? How did it work out? Other knowledgeable anecdotes and advice welcome. Links to any online resources I can read on the topic would also be appreciated.
My 74-year old father just eloped, and I have no idea if I should get a gift for him, and if so, what it should be. More dysfunctional family details inside. [more inside]
My bipolar father will go on crazy consumer debt fueled sprees of spending / gambling. What can we do on a severely limited budget to ensure he doesn't end up homeless or otherwise in major trouble? [more inside]
A mother at my son's school yelled at him today. I am furious. I am also very confused about what to do about it. [more inside]
My 80 year old mother- in- law of 30 years talks non-stop about things I am not interested in----- but the people-pleaser in me keeps listening to her politely and I end up feeling exhausted. [more inside]
Death of a parent and a breakup- how to disentangle the two, get a virtual lobotomy regarding the breakup, and for heavens sake just fucking move on regarding the breakup. [more inside]
Seeking insurance broker recommendations for a new family in NYC. Co-op, Auto, and now with progeny, Life. Obviously want a person/office that we can trust, and will look out for our interests in the long haul. We live in Queens, and work in Manhattan. Bonus question: are any brokers fee-based, or do all work on commission-type arrangements?
What can I do to better cope with the mounting stresses of completely cutting ties with an emotionally abusive Mom? I have severe depression, anxiety and other issues. I'm seeking help, but currently inbetween doctors. When things get stressful, I start to crumble. Suggestions very much appreciated. [more inside]
I live with my parents. My dad is in his early 70s and he's going deaf. This started a few years ago. Now, he often isn't aware that my mother or I are speaking at all unless he's looking right us, and even when he is, it's clear that he's only pretending to hear a lot of the time. [more inside]
Please help me think of a shared experience my mother and I can have to celebrate her 60th birthday that does not include a spa or salon. I'd like to leave the parameters mostly open, but my budget is somewhere around $150 - $200. [more inside]
My mom has been battling colon cancer for the last 6 1/2 years, and essentially my whole family had settled into the rhythm of her treatment, and I know exactly what I could do to help, but recently her condition took a sharp downward turn, and I feel as if I'd been blindsided without any idea what I can do now. [more inside]
My recently-widowed father seems to have started dating. What are some resources to deal with the emotions I'm going through and the ones that will no doubt come up later? [more inside]
I have to go to Peoria, IL for a week starting February 6 to tend to the affairs of my mother, whose dementia is getting worse. I grew up there but I haven't been back for years, and when I did go back I stayed at Mom's. Now there is no room at Mom's because she's in assisted care. Where should I stay? [more inside]
Were you in a single-income doctor's family in the US during the 1990s? Help me reconstruct what lifestyle and education my siblings and I might have enjoyed if my mother hadn't been a pathologically miserly narcissist. Many, many details inside. [more inside]
My mother is a narcissist and I need help getting over her; please read? [more inside]
Parents of Metafilter: What the best gift you can give new parents? Everyone has suggestions for the baby but what about the parents? What are the things you wished you had/realized you couldn't live without when dealing with your first kid? How could someone have made your life easier despite being on the other side of the planet? [more inside]
Elderly mom is ill. If it looks like she's not going to make it should I tell her estranged daughter (my semi-estranged sister) despite the risk of an ugly scene ensuing? [more inside]
Due to my dad, I feel like I am stupid and can't do anything right. How can I rebuild my self-confidence? [more inside]
I'm struggling with my dad moving on after my mother's death. Looking for advice or books to help me accept what's happening. [more inside]
I'll try to stick to specifically relevant snowflake stuff here. So, my father is 78 and has Parkinson's, which is compounded by long-standing blood pressure issues that leaves him prone to falling unexpectedly (moreso than a typical Parkinsons patient). He lives in a big loft in the East Village (NYC) that he's lived in for forty years, and has no designs on leaving. [more inside]
In a roundabout and hair-pulling sort of way, I find myself a historic preservation grad school drop out (yes, thank you, I dropped out) and with family logistics, pretty much need to stay home with our child full-time. What sort of skills can I develop on my own time that may lead to a well-paying freelance/at-home career? I have a degree in art history, and a very varied work past that included lots of food service and administrative assistant positions. I've applied to many of the higher paying jobs around town to justify spending hundreds on childcare, but to no avail. Personally, I would rather stay home with my child. [more inside]
Daughter's father no longer in our lives, unexpectedly, after some sad times. Daughter (5) now a stressed little kid. Therapy coming up, but… ? [more inside]
YANYL: how do I ask for attorney's fees on a motion that was involuntarily withdrawn? [more inside]