Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with panic

Scared to death of traveling. What do I do?

Takeyourtime — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 09:55:38 -0800

Scared to death of traveling. What do I do? Ok so first off a little about me (male 28)

When I was little (around 2 years and all the way to 16) I traveled to Mexico on a yearly basis. I thought nothing of it and somewhat enjoyed my company there (mostly family). I stopped traveling after 17 due to some money constraints and finishing college, starting a life etc. Well at about 25 years of age my family in Mexico was tried of not seeing me so they booked a flight and of course they wanted me to go. At the time I was incredibly stressed. I was about 26k in debt, going to college and working to support myself because I had my own apartment. I barely let myself have a weekend as a vacation little alone taking a whole week off for something that I didn’t really want to do in the first place.

I also was expected to use my own money for fun and entertainment down there. Again having so much debt and spending money frivolously scared the crap out of me. Anyway, so against my gut instinct I took the trip, mostly because of guilt of not seeing the family. I got to about Phoenix and can only describe what happened to me as a mental breakdown. I was super super anxious. Didn’t want to go. Couldn’t stop worrying about my problems at home. I saw tons of my hair on the pillow while lying down and immediate thought I am going bald. How was I going to explain taking a week for myself doing something that I didn’t want to do. Etc etc. Well I called my mom and she suggested me just tough through it. I immediately broke down sobbing more then I have ever sobbed in my life. The tears just kept coming. At this point I knew there was no way I could complete the rest of the trip. I told her and she again told me to try and tough through it. I hung up on her and am still mad at her to this day for that (im 28).

On the way back to my home town, I started having what I can only describe as a panic attack. I starting “thinking funny,” that mole on my arm suddenly because melanoma, and I was to die right and then. Vision of me dieing to some internal parasite finishing me off etc. Basically just crazy thoughts. I didn’t act on them do to having a very rational logical mind that I relied to on to make me realize there is no way these were the classes. Despite my logical minds best efforts the shear trauma made me just accept my fate and at this point I just gave up. I fell into my feelings and gripped my seat like I was holding on to dear life the whole way back to home. I was pretty stressed out for next two weeks just recovering from this one day.

My next trip was 3 years later at the beginning on this summer actually. I was extremely nervous about it but I knew I couldn’t continue to live in fear for the rest of my life (I didn’t travel before because of anxiety and panic). I finally felt like I was in a more comfortable place to try again. I had less debt, no job, free rent, still debt but manageable. School was still a huge stressor (still in college, harder classes this time). I actually took the flight immediately after my finals. Needless to say I could focus on anything, paniced weeks in advance and was extremely terrified the whole time. But the difference is I actually wanted to go this time. No one was pushing me, this was all me. Yet I still felt scared for reason I cannot describe. I didn’t have the crazy thoughts just a feeling of anxiety. Which honestly I probably misinterpreted excitement as anxiety.

Anyway I took the trip and nervously doubted myself a week in advance. I had to call just about every person I knew and talk to them about my situation to convince myself I should go. Everyone I talked to was supporting and told me that this was a great idea for me and at a perfect time. So I went notifying my flight attendant that I will probably puke at any moment due to the stress. I got to my destination and felt fine for a bit, but wow the next 3 days I just couldn’t relax. I had to listen to mediation tapes for about 3-4 hours just to feel normal again. Mornings were the worst. Over the course of those days things did get better though. And by the 4th day I was pretty much back to normal except tired. Once I relaxed the rest of the trip was amazing. I loved every minute of it. I traveled around, met an awesome friend. Ate good food, had good company, just loved it.

Once I got back home though, I took a new job the next day. Seriously got home at 11 pm and started a new job at 2 pm the next day. I worked that job for about 3 weeks before I got food poisoning from a pot luck. It was really bad I felt horrible for 3 days. And for some reason this triggered a whole slew of anxiety. I no longer could function day to day, I was having panic attacks left and right, anxiety every moment (about things like debt, making a living, finishing college how I was going to survive if I didn’t keep this job). I had to quit 3 week in because it just got so bad all I could do all day was take walks to keep myself calm. I should also mention that this second trip was also a way to “combat” my fear of traveling for 3 years. Something I was hoping would work. Instead it backfired. I spent the next 3 months with generalized anxiety and just barely making it through a job. Of which since I had to make for lost time took up another job. So I was trying to manage 60+ hours a week. Yes I push myself way to hard but honestly the stress of piling debt is worse than working that much.

Ok so here I am. I am about to travel again. I have over 1.5k in the bank for needed emergencies. I have a car that is not a piece of crap that actually brand new. I am almost done with the semester (I have 2 finals in 2 weeks). I am taking less school. Still working part time but took all of next week off. I have Xanax incase I freak out. I have hotels books. I am only staying for 3 days total. I am not flying but taking my car instead. And even though I didn’t have therapy for the above. I have done severaling talkings with friends and family to find out what the causes of my anxiety are and why they seem to be coming. So I think I have that somewhat solved. Although I will be taking therapy again soon since I finally have medical coverage.

I am leaving tomorrow. Didn’t have stress until today (had to take one xanax though). Hotel is booked. I will be driving the whole time. So no plane. (8 hour drive). I have plently of money incase of anything. Everything seems to be in place. I am alittle worried about my finals but I could walk in blind and get a 60 to 70% on them. And I have no work for 2 weeks, plently of days to recover once I come back. O and the whole trip is 3 days total. So nothing major like a week or more.

So why do I still feel anxiety? Its greatly dimished but I still wake up with nightmares and didn’t sleep well last night or this night. I feel like I have gotten things in order. And have emergency on top of emergency plans in case of any possible mishaps. I do still need to pack though but for 3 days that should be easy. And above all I am doing this trip for myself to have and also to make it so I am not afraid of traveling anymore. I refuse to let myself get carried away into thinking I can never travel again because of anxiety.
So still I am feeling anxiety, should I go at all? It took a long time to recover last time and this time I doubt it will be as long. But still I am at a loss if I am doing the right thing. I will be seeing great friends there that I met last time so I won’t be alone. I just wonder if maybe I should cancel. But then I think I gave into the fear which is probably worse honestly. Anyway have any ideas about this whole situation?

I can remember how to do this question...after I remember how to breathe.

Hakaisha — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 23:43:42 -0800

Help me stop freaking out during my exams. I'm an undergrad in a chemistry program. I think my woes is probably shared by quite a few people out there.

To put it plainly: I have exam anxiety. Bad exam anxiety. I took time off of school to do work experience related to my program; coming back to exams and reports ad infinitum is not doing much for my nerves, which were used to overtime and work stress but also the ability to leave stressors at work instead of taking them home with me (ie. homework).

I've always been the anxious type, but my nerves go into overdrive during exams. My hands were literally shaking when I was writing my midterms last week, even for a course I knew pretty well; I had to keep talking to myself that "calm down, I know this shit, it's just blah blah..." to keep myself from going into full out panic mode. A friend who had sat beside me remarked to me after the exam that "geez, you were loud, I had to divert part of my focus to tuning you out" (note: I'm not loud enough to make anyone suspect I'm cheating; it's more just background mutterings that's annoying but not intelligible).

I just got back a midterm that I had spectacularly failed; it doesn't make me feel much better that 54% of the rather large class failed with me. It's my second time taking the course (failed it once previously during a very bad year); I need this course (quantum, which I've always hated) for my degree, and the thought of me not passing it is...rather terrifying. But when I look at the midterm, there are several parts I knew perfectly well how to do...just that in my nervousness I completely forgot basic rules of differentiation and looked like someone who never even took Calculus 12. I'm not great at the course and probably will never be, but at the very least, even if I won't ace it, I want to at least pass it. And blanking out over math I know how to do is not gonna do my grades any favours, for quantum or otherwise. (It perhaps doesn't help that I'm in a hellaciously stressful term and regularly spending 18 hours a day or so at school, out of necessity.)

So, Mefites: what do I do? Are there calming vitamins to take? Meditation? Something to at least get me through exam times? (Note: I'm not exactly into the drugs scene, so I don't think suggestions of pot will help me here.)

Also: I know the stuff about getting a good meal and a good night's sleep before the exam, and, well, studying to begin with. Can't say I can promise on the sleep bit (my anxiety for the quantum midterm kept me from getting a good night's rest...I'm thinking of dosing myself with Benadryl come finals), but I'm pretty good about the rest.

Feel free to ask for more details if necessary.

Why can't I give it a rest, already??

wild like kudzu — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 17:01:06 -0800

So, as some of you may remember, I have a roommate. Usually we get along great, but we bicker about once every two months and every time we do it triggers all sorts of anxiety for me. I'd like to hear some advice from people who have similar issues. It seems that no matter what I do we inevitably argue over something small and insignificant at least once every couple of months. I don't even bring up the things that bother me most of the time (like 99% of the time) because I've realized that, as an inherently anxious person, our fights trigger all sorts of bad feelings in me. I've realized that peace and harmony in my home is far more important than being right, or even feeling that everything in our relationship is fair.

I try to let the small things go whenever I can, and try to be really receptive to any issues she has with me. Here's the thing, though, she doesn't seem to like to talk to me. So, she ignores me. And I implode emotionally.

I know that this is something I'm going to need to address and deal with, because people will give me the silent treatment from time to time. It sucks worse because she and I live together and we usually get along so famously, but I know this is something that should not be ruining my life.

I can't force her to talk to me, but this leaves me completely in the dark as to what I've done (if anything). It seems like these phases never end until I muster up the courage to confront her and openly apologize for being alive (it feels like that, anyway). She's giving me the cold shoulder right now, and though she's exchanging pleasantries with me like hello and goodbye she hasn't asked me a single thing about my life or tried to be at all friendly.

I'm trying very hard also not to repeat my past reactions, which were absolute panic and an overwhelming desire to "make things right" by bringing her peace offerings and begging her to speak with me. It seemed like those things never really worked all that well and just prolonged the suffering. If and when they did bring tensions to an abrupt halt, I felt that the result was that I looked like such a weak person, and she always feels she's in the right.

I want to be strong enough to let her be in her foul mood, and do those things which I find insulting (like locking her door while I'm in the apartment... hello, what is she thinking, that I'm going to break down the door and attack her with a kitchen knife?) and which put me into a state of absolute panic.

My palms sweat when I hear her coming home, my chest feels tight, my instinct is to retreat to my room, lock MY door and blast music until she leaves again.... I know these are bad coping mechanisms and, though I'm young now, I know that being under this much stress is hard on my body. My mother developed a stomach ulcer form stress that very nearly killed her when I was young, and I definitely don't want to go down that path. I want to learn how to deal with it when people are distant and cold to me so that I'm not always fighting this ridiculous anxiety.

This time I can't think of a single thing I could possibly have done wrong, and since the fighting started I've been mostly in my room, keeping the house clean, even offering to make her dinner tonight. I just want things to be normal, even if we're not excessively friendly. I asked her via text if I had done anything to bother her, and her lack of response is driving me NUTSO.

I know this is irrational, and I know there's not much I can do to make sure everything is A-ok, but does anyone have suggestions for curbing my anxiety? So far I've tried journalling, being out of the house, drinking... all to no avail.

It also may be relevant to note that these days she has been smoking quite a bit of pot and has been periodically fighting with both her family and boyfriend. I know she vacillates between the three main people in her life (her boyfriend, her best friend, and myself) and so I should probably just relax because there's a very good chance that there's more going on beneath the surface, and she inevitably comes back around to whomever she's fighting with at the moment.

Sorry if I sound like a broken record, but I just need to give it a rest! Anybody have any suggestions? I'm not asking you to decipher the situation, more to advise me on how to control my anxiety. Also, I know, YANMT, YANMD.

Staunching a potential anxiety attack?

Anonymous — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 16:01:45 -0800

How do I prevent an anxiety attack in a specific situation that is likely to trigger one? I am interviewing for professional school in January. I have not had problems with basic job interviews before, and I don't fear presentation or public speaking in general. I have done those things in the past completely without panic or anxiety, even with enjoyment (I did competitive speech in high school).
However, I get anxious just thinking about being questioned about my knowledge, general intelligence, and potential for success by people who hold advanced degrees and know more than I do. I can manage the interviews, but only if I am able to focus on the conversation above those fears. I'm very concerned someone will ask me a pointed question and I'll just start crying or go silent, even if objectively I know I could give a reasonable answer- this has happened once or twice to me before, and once the fear of being judged takes hold, it's hard to stop the physical reaction of panic.

Do I need a full course of CBT in preparation for interviews? Will a one-time use of benzodiazepines be appropriate, or will it make me so loopy that I'll perform poorly anyway? I don't think the usual hacks like deep breathing, stopping for a sip of water, etc. will be enough if I start feeling anxious. I have to go in knowing I am well-armed against that happening. What's the best way to do that?

Looking for a Therapist for a Friend in Richmond, VA

Anonymous — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 19:32:32 -0800

TherapyFilter: Asking for a friend of a friend—can anyone recommend a competent therapist accessible to someone living in Richmond, Virginia... especially someone especially good at handling issues of anxiety and panic? (Anonymous for the privacy of the individual[s] in question, in case someone could track them through me.)

Specifically, the friend-of-a-friend (a straight, white male in his early 20s, for what it matters) seems to be having issues with anxiety that increasingly have been manifesting in ways that resemble classic panic attacks—I'm thinking specifically the catastrophizing of physiological arousal leading to the positive-feedback cycle of anxiety that potentiates the attack. A doctor prescribed him an anti-anxiety medication of some sort, but he's considering therapy to help as well. However, to my knowledge, this doctor wasn't really able to proffer any suggestions as to who he could or should see to get some therapeutic assistance. As such, we're looking for recommendations for an excellent mental health professional to help him through his problems. I've heard that while many therapies tend to have similar therapeutic effects for many problems, panic disorders do have a history of better treatment through Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, so maybe keep that in mind? (That being said, if you or someone you know had a positive experience with someone from a different therapeutic modality for similar problems, feel free to recommend them, too!)

(There's also a thread wherein said friend identified said friend-of-a-friend's mannerisms as rather remarkably fitting the diagnostic criteria of Paranoid Personality disorder; however, this is a Wikipedia diagnosis, neither of us are clinical professionals, and the friend-of-the-friend is interested in dealing with his anxiety, so speaking in terms of both pragmatism and respect for his own ability to manage his well-being, anxiety/panic would be the primary specialty he'd be looking for. Nevertheless, it does characterize at least some issues as an individual close to him—and, to an extent, he—perceives them, so could be relevant if you have numerous doctors in mind and someone has a relevant specialty.)

If you don't have any specific recommendations, you can still be helpful! As is evident by my asking the question, neither I nor the friend (nor the friend-of-the-friend, I would imagine) have the faintest idea of how to find a high-quality therapist anywhere, nevermind in the Richmond area. If there are any general sites or resources we can look at—especially that provide something approximating reviews—that'd be excellent as well!

If you don't feel comfortable posting here, toss me a line at mefi.richmond.therapy@gmail.com

Thank you in advance for your help!

No I not mad and/or hysterical

Anonymous — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 17:12:17 -0800

Professional with social phobia I have social phobia with clinical depression. I have had this pretty much my whole life (panic attacks when I was 6, tending toward agoraphobia when I was a teenager, major depressions.) I pretty much have managed to take control of my life and I do pretty well. I do take medication (Zoloft). I have been in therapy. I am still depressed and have minor panic attacks (especially at night). I also have diagnosed ADD (diagnosed by three psychiatrists)

But I have some practical questions:

1. How do I stop blushing so much? I turn bright red, my chest, neck, face, and ears. It was kind of cute when I was young, but it not so cute now. I look out of control.

2. How do I stop getting teary eyed? I can be talking to someone and it appears to them like I am going to start crying, which I am not. The conversation can be about something serious or what I am eating for lunch.

3. I tend to want to avoid talking to people, but I force myself to do so. Is there a way to get over this dread of talking to some people? I still talk to them, but all the while a little voice is telling me to run away.

4. I try not to avoid social situations even though I really do want to avoid them, i.e., parties, weddings, funerals. My first inclination is to try and get out of going, but eventually I do go. How can i get over this initial fear?

5. When I was a teenager I had the beginnings of agoraphobia. I realized this and forced myself to go out (I am 51 now). I still have a fear of developing agoraphobia.

6. My work requires that I travel by plane once or twice a month. I fret about this for weeks on end. I find it very traumatizing. I am not afraid of flying, it is the going somewhere that I have to fly to that bugs me.

7. People tend to think I am outgoing and fun. I am fun, but the outgoing part is an act and it is very tiring. I would like to be more true to myself (reserved) but then people think I am angry.

Amazingly I do not live in dumpster. Which was my biggest fear. I am a professional with two masters degrees and I make $80,000 a year. Which is a major shock for me, since I was sure I was going to grow up to be a bag lady.

I know about therapy, but my HMO makes it very hard to get it and I cannot afford it on my own. I am hoping you all can share some practical behavior modification ideas that have worked for you.

One passport, freshly washed

Alterscape — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 21:53:40 -0800

I just put my (non-RFID, US) passport through the laundry. It's soggy, wrinkly, and the cover is no longer stiff, but everything's still legible. I'm planning to travel to Beijing for about a week in October. Do I need to be panicking about getting it replaced?

Help me stop procrastinating and get my work done!

dumbledore69 — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 08:42:06 -0800

I cannot seem to stop procrastinating on a work project, and the deadline is looming. I have no doubt that I can get it done if I can just make myself get the work done, but I cannot make myself concentrate and buckle down and get it done! Basically, I have about a week to get something I had over a month to complete. Putting things off until the last minute is nothing new for me, but my serious inability to make myself work despite getting rid of all distractions is new.

I know I can get it done, but I am constantly having panic attacks and having trouble concentrating on my research and writing. I’m unable to sleep without medication, or relax at all. I wake up still feeling exhausted and stressed out. My stomach has constantly been upset and my body aches and my eye twitches I have had pretty much no joy in my life for over a month because of this, and yet the more I try to buckle down and convince myself that nothing will fix this but getting some work done, the harder it seems to be. I can’t stop thinking about how this is all my fault and how I should have been done by now, not just barely getting started. And while I know this is counterproductive, I can’t seem to stop it.

I have uninstalled IM tools (coworkers use them, but it’s not required, so I got rid of them), installed LeechBlock to block everything from Facebook to Google Reader to all web mail. I’ve been reading The Now Habit and various articles on ending procrastination. I have had trouble breaking this project down into sub tasks… it’s updating a large document based on a couple of other large documents that are highly technical, and I just keep reading and re-reading my source documents, making plans, checking my calendar, checking my schedule, worrying, trying to calm down, etc etc etc.

I met with the NP who I work with about my anxiety (which has always been pretty severe) and depression and her focus is mostly on sleep. We’ve tweaked my antidepressants and switched from Ambien to trazodone for sleep, but while I think this will help in the long run, I need to get myself to get work done NOW.

Has anyone gone through this? Does anyone have any advice to just make myself get this done in spite of a really bad bout of anxiety and depression?

Professional panic filter

Anonymous — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 09:33:15 -0800

I had a potentially damaging lapse of ability at work today and need some advice on how to keep it from happening ever again. I consider myself a very decent public speaker, especially when well-prepared and rehearsed. But once every few years, when I am asked to speak extemporaneously in a pubilc venue, I lose it. My brain just freezes, my heart begins to race, I run quickly out of breath, and I can’t think of what I want to say, even when the topic is something I know well and discuss every day. Once my mind realizes this is going to happen, the situation snowballs and becomes worse and worse by the second.

This happened to me today on a thirty-person conference call, when asked a really simple question (by someone important at work) about something that I know intimately. It was so bad that I stumbled and fumbled and ultimately had to say, "I can't speak right now."

I have tried strategies like asking a clarifying question to give me time to recover, but it doesn’t always work; and frankly, there are some situations where it's hard or inappropriate to ask a clarifying question. Similarly, I can't have talking points with me all the time, about every possible topic.

To reiterate: This is a rare thing, and only seems to happen when I have not been expecting to speak in public and someone points to me and says ‘go!.’ At the same time, it has occurred a few times in pretty high-stakes situations, and it does not do me any favors, professionally.

What can I do to make sure these incidents don’t happen again?

Is there anything else I can do? If not, help me let it go.

Anonymous — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 15:34:41 -0800

Is there any further action I can take to recoup the financial loss and and deal with the emotional frustration resulting from my university's swine-flu-panic decision to cancel a much-anticipated field research opportunity? For over a year, my fellow grad students and I had been planning for a month-long field research opportunity in [foreign country]. For several of us, it was part of our motivation to attend this university – research opportunities in our field for non-PhD grad students are rare, and this is a small and amazing program to benefit a community in need. The summer research has been going on successfully for several years now. Our professor works unbelievably hard to arrange this...it takes an amazing amount of coordination and resources to make it all come together.

A few days after swine flu was initially announced in the media (late April) – and almost two months before our research was to begin, this June – I received notice from our professor that our trip had been canceled by a [certain office at the university in charge of assessing risk]. Upon hearing this, we all made many attempts to salvage the situation on many fronts, to no avail. Because swine flu is no longer a major threat, the tickets are booked through online travel companies, and the flights are international, none of us are able to reschedule or refund our tickets. Even with insurance, which I bought at booking. We also can't afford to take a "forced vacation" (ie. taking our flights and spending a month playing in [foreign country]). For me, this is $600 of sunk cost. Additionally, this research would have provided us with a summer opportunity to earn a necessary 3 units towards our graduation. Without it, many of us must spend an extra unplanned semester at our university, including the cost of tuition, books, and time spent. And of course, not to mention missing out on the experience of a lifetime, which can't really be compensated for any other way.

Two weeks after the decision, I contacted the person at the university office that made the cancellation, and sent them a very professional yet personal email explaining how this negatively impacted us students, and that we are unable to resolve things. He ignored all that, and replied with a generic response and blamed the State Dept. for the decision. This prompted me to send a follow-up email, calmly expressing my frustration with his manner of communication, lack of concern, and the financial cost and emotional distress his/their decision has left us with. He remains unconcerned, and frankly, somewhat hostile with his minimal replies. This all has left me feeling bitter, disillusioned, and now angry.

My flight leaves this Friday, without me on it. As it approaches, I feel increasingly helpless and frustrated. I cannot seem to let this go. Especially if there is something more I could do to resolve the financial or emotional aspects of this unfortunate situation.

Are there any things I can do, big or small that will:
a) Make me/us feel better.
b) Get the university to acknowledge us and/or take some positive action, however small, to help us out and/or prevent their lame handling of a situation from happening again. I do not wish to start controversy or create problems however.
c) Help recoup the $600 airline cost – even if it has nothing to do with the airline, flight insurance or booking agency. I've tried calling all places, several times. There is no getting the money back. I can however dump an extra $200 + additional cost of airfare to take a flight I don't need anymore to a place I don't want to go to (and can't afford to go to) in the next six months, if I so wish.
d) Help me just let it all go, if that's where I really should be focusing my energy.

The positives from all of this are helping somewhat...I do get to do some important things and attend some events that otherwise wouldn't get to (since I would have been out of the country). However, I keep thinking about the lack of concern by the school and missing out on this amazing experience. What can I do?

Soothe the savage beast

punkfloyd — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 10:28:09 -0800

I am looking for other songs about anxiety and panic attacks along the lines of The Fear by Pulp or Overkill by Men At Work.

crazy jealous person seeks reassurance

Anonymous — Mon, 18 May 2009 07:05:32 -0800

How can I overcome my intense irrational jealousy and anxiety? I am in a very good relationship with an awesome guy. We have been dating for a little over a year. This is my second relationship. My first relationship was three years. Both men and both relationships have been very, very different--except the part where I get intensely insecure and jealous. I always start out by feeling confident and happy with myself. At the beginning, I understand that there are many other amazing women in the world, but also realize that this relationship is about me and the other person. The further the relationship progresses, the more and more I worry that there is some other person that the man would rather be with. As time continues, this becomes more and more of an issue.

Little things will set me off--a facebook comment, a photo, even just a sentence or two. In my first relationship, the person was very abusive and I thought that it was just a way to react to his behavior. I expressed my insecurities to him and began to abuse him with questions, accusations, and emotions in general. In this relationship, I know that it isn't the case. Neither of us are perfect, but the relationship is healthy and we respect each other. He has given me no reason to be jealous and I know that he loves me. I don't want to do this to him. The problem must lie with me.

I don't know how to fix it. I'm worried that my insecurities will tear apart this relationship. I don't want to obsess over some girl he slept with a few times when he was 19. I don't want to worry that he has a highschool sweetheart that will always have his heart. I know that these thoughts don't make any sense whatsoever. The thoughts invade my brain and make me panic--they aren't normal. I know that he would never, ever cheat on me. I know that this man loves me with all of his heart. I'm not even worried about physical infidelity. It is also very easy to separate out 'normal' jealousy[which fades quickly and is more 'angry' than panicky] and this jealousy--which ends in OCD-like behaviors[such as checking facebook constantly, being frozen with fear by thoughts running through my head, and biting my nails down until they bleed].

I have never been jealous of something that would actually be real--just imaginary beings that are somehow less flawed than I am. In my mind, there is a woman out there who will fulfill him and make him happy and be everything that he could ever need. In my mind, I am not this person and he is only still with me because he _______[who knows]. I had a pretty bad childhood, and I'm sure that these are lingering daddy issues. How do I get rid of them? I have not mentioned this to him yet. I don't want him to know how messed up I am. What do I do?

Claustrophia & kids?

progosk — Sun, 26 Apr 2009 14:44:24 -0800

Claustrophobia-filter. We've been looking into the adult-onset claustrophobia my wife has started to experience (and found very relevant pointers in this earlier AskMe). Now, our eight-year-old son has recently had a couple of similar moments. How to nip this in the bud for both? My wife had an earlier aversion to strong winds due to a few adolescent years of monsoons in Manila, and, since pregnancy, infrequently recurring episodes of waking up panicked in the dark (any low light left on is enough to avoid this happening; generally we joke about this deriving from her having been closed for punishment in a dark closet once when she was a child). Years ago, in a visit to some underground tunnels in Turkey, she panicked "claustrophobically" for the first time, and not really much since then - up until recently. Now, other confined/crowded situations (small planes, full elevators, etc.) can fairly easily cause her panic attacks. She's looking for ways to come to terms with it, and hopefully ward it off, as far as that's possible.

With the exception of a recent family plane trip, it's never really been much of a topic with the kids; during the trip we had her sit up front alone, and I don't think the kids caught too much of the anxiety that she had to face down for a couple of hours. So it came as something of a surprise when our oldest recently panicked - on a ski-lift, of all places.

He was with the instructor, his six-year-old brother and two other kids on an open four-seater lift - which stalled in mid-journey. At first the kids all joked about the situation, then, as the instructor later told us, J little by little panicked, until he was screaming to get off. When we talked about it afterwards, he explained that he'd become concerned they'd be stuck up there forever and nobody would be able to come and rescue them. An afternoon off was enough for him to overcome the episode, and continue taking skilifts with no particular concern for the rest of the week.
Then recently, back in the city, during a three-floor ride down in a slow, old elevator, he began shivering, and we managed to escape just before he lost it. And today, after a first crowded bus-ride that had no noticeable effect on him, a second crowded bus-ride was aborted at the first stop, due to his calm but firm observation that he needed to get off. (Talking about it later during the long walk home, he said it felt to him there wasn't enough air to breathe on the bus.)

It's conceivable that we've abetted some anxieties (an explanation for why they can't take elevators alone was often: what would happen if you get stuck?), and there's been a certain amount of anxiety in the air here (we live in Rome) since the recent Abruzzo earthquake (though the skilift incident predates that) - but this sort of fairly focused panicking in a child is not something we would really have expected. J is an imaginative, speculative/scientific sort; I can picture him painting himself scenarios that might go too far, and he's been pinpointing more fears of his recently than he used to, but these incidents have felt a little different than the typical childhood scares we'd witnessed so far.

So, advice for either or both is welcome. I haven't scoured the internets about this yet, and guessed there might be some thoughtful opinions to be had here.

Preventing panic attacks on an airplane flight?

wastelands — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 20:39:32 -0800

What else can I do to help prevent a panic attack on an airplane? I'm flying next month for the first time in almost five years. I have flown four times before, and I never had a problem with panic. Hell, I enjoyed it. I love planes.

But in 2006 and 2007 I had panic attacks on trains and buses. It's not the mode of transportation that bothered me, it was being crowded into a confined space with lots of people, which would be the same on a plane.

The last couple months I've decreased my caffeine intake dramatically (which seemed to make the panic worse), been able to be in crowded situations (like meetings at work) without panic, and started meditating 10 minutes a day in the morning.

But I'll be going from the west coast to the east coast, so it's not a short hop. It'd really suck to have a freak out when I'm stuck on a plane for hours.

Anyway, does anyone here who flies regularly and deals with anxiety have any tips?

Two things I already did: 1) I requested an aisle seat, so I can get up easily and not feel "trapped"; 2) I have been watching videos on YouTube of planes landing and taking off, from the perspective of passengers.

Thanks!

Catastrophic MacBook Failure

roofus — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 13:16:49 -0800

I think my hard disk just died. Help me figure out an action plan, before I die of anxiety. In the middle of a Mozy back up, my MacBook suddenly stalled. Force Quit failed, and I was forced to turn it off with the power button. On trying to restart it the hard drive makes a knocking sound, followed by very faint clicks, and nothing boots at all beyond a whitish blank screen.

I have a complete copy of the hard disk on an external drive from two weeks ago, a complete Mozy back up from three days ago, an 80% complete Mozy back up from seconds before the crash, and some crucial, but not current, stuff saved with DropBox.

My important questions in order:

1. Is the Mozy web restore option fool proof?

2. Can I get my MacBook working again tonight, booting off the copied drive? It's a USB2 external drive, not firewire, and the MacBook drive is backed up using SuperDuper

3. Is it definitely the hard disk that has failed, or could it be something worse?

How do I stop offending people with my anxiety?

giraffe — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 12:27:55 -0800

I left Easter dinner early due to anxiety. My family is angry. How can I make everyone happy? (Extremely limited background: It is well-known in my family that I suffer from depression and anxiety. Unfortunately, my family does not "believe in" anxiety or mood disorders. I've essentially been told to "walk it off" by all of my close relatives.)

I get panic attacks due to anxiety and claustrophobia sometimes. For the second time in as many major family holidays, my sister has invited me to what seemed like a small family affair, and turned out to be a major party with friends, screaming kids and yelling at the TV all in one cramped space. I do want to see my family, but these events are far too stressful for me to manage. On Christmas I was all but dragged out of the basement while having a panic attack so people could sing "Happy Birthday" and shove a cupcake in my face (my birthday was coming up). I left immediately afterward, which, according to my mother, upset more than a couple of people.

Yesterday at Easter I had to leave between dinner and dessert because I started to get that "I'm about to implode or possibly die" feeling. I missed saying goodbye to a couple of people in my desperate attempt to leave the building, and when I spoke to my mother today she reported that my sister felt offended that I'd left and others were angry with me because of "the way [I] acted." The conversation made me feel like the world's biggest asshole. I'd figured telling someone "having a panic attack, will catch up with you later" would be enough of an explanation, but I was incredibly wrong.

I obviously have to apologize to my sister and the other people I snubbed, but I can't come up with a good enough reason for my bad behavior. I know saying, "I was going to have a panic attack" will seem like a weak excuse or like I'm trying to get people to feel bad for me. How do I make this right? How could I have handled this situation better? What should I do about future parties?

Do I have anything to freak out about, except freaking out itself?

elektrotechnicus — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 13:49:56 -0800

Almost two weeks ago I suddenly started having strange feelings of lightheadedness, abnormal difficultly concentrating, a lack of coordination (feeling as though I might fall over or run in to things), and visual issues (difficulty focusing on distant objects, seemingly less aware of my periphery - though there are no noticable gaps in my visual field). I've had these, albeit with decreasing frequency and severity, since that time. I'm often very fearful during these episodes (which can last 4-5 hours at a time, the dizziness/lightheadedness sometimes all day), fearing permanent brain damage and having extreme feelings of derealization. I've come to the conclusion that at least some of these symptoms are due to panic attacks. Does that explain it all though? The things is, while I've had some academic reasons to be stressed out, that's nothing new for me, I've never been overly anxious about it. Right around the time things started getting bad I was actually having a pretty good week - so I can't help but shake the feeling at least some of the symptoms preceded the anxiety.

I've been to the university clinic twice since this started, and the first time a nurse practitioner did the standard host of neurological tests - reflexes, balancing with eyes closed, asking me to smile, checking for nystagmus - which I passed with flying colors. She thought it was likely some sort of labyrinthitis, which should clear up in a week or two. I'm not sure whether that matches my symptoms well - I haven't had any difficulty staying upright or gaging my movement, it seems to be more of an issue of coordination.

Are all these symptoms safely ascribed to anxiety, even if they seem to have started before I felt anxious, and recur without apparent shifts in affect? If not, what sort of tests should I ask to have done by a doctor - if only to assure myself that I don't have a more serious issue? Any advice on dealing with panic attacks?

The "brain fog" or lightheadness is something I remember feeling when I was younger, leading me to get checked out for anemia (none detected, it cleared up). The feeling is a diffuse vacuum or fuzziness in my forehead, at a point about equidistant between my temples and an inch behind where you'd see a hindu woman wear bindi. I realize there isn't any innervation there, but it's still unsettling.

I had been on Concerta for several months, but stopped taking it last Wednesday as a precaution, which seems to have made me a bit less anxious (I'd noticed some anxiety in the past when going on the medication after a period off).

Just to prempt the question, I haven't been high lately.

How to control worry and focus on what needs to get done?

Anonymous — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 05:05:11 -0800

How do you stop worrying so you can work? When you start to freak out with worry, how do you stop? With a big deadline looming at work, I have found myself getting so overwhelmed by worry that I can't think straight and therefore can't work. I have to take a walk to stop internally freaking out ("oh my god oh my god oh my god").

I mostly worry I won't finish in time. I also worry that outsiders will find a mistake in the report or the method. I feel responsible for the reputation of the entire group. This is a long-term project, so I worry people will think "he worked on this for how long and still, this part isn't perfect?"

I particularly am having trouble making a final "to do" list, because as I think about certain loose ends, I get really critical of myself for not having finished them yet. They are 99.9% done, but that 0.1% gap seems hard to close. There are only one or two steps for each, but I have trouble thinking about them because I get derailed into thinking "oh my god, Important Step B is not 100.0% done, what have I been doing with my time, how could I be so stupid, someone else should be in charge of this project, am I even going to finish this?"

But when I am calm, things seem manageable. I can get myself organized to finish things up on time. I can list the Important Steps and the few "to do" items that would close that 0.1% for each of them, and it's a realistic amount of work to do. I can also see that, in reality, the project will never be perfect. There will always be ways that others could improve upon the work, and that's just the way these projects are.

Do you have any tricks to help me shift back into being calm and productive when I get into that freaked out state? This is a fairly new thing for me (well, I can see hints of it in some procrastination in college, and it's gotten worse around deadline times over the past few years), so I don't have good tricks yet. What works for you?

Recommendation for therapist specializing in panic/anxiety in St. Louis area?

Locative — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 10:23:45 -0800

Need a therapist who specializes in anxiety and CBT in the St. Louis / West St. Louis County area. For a person who has anxiety and panic attacks associated with their job, and probably some depression in the mix as well. They've been coping with Xanax and smoking, neither of which work.

PM me if you don't want to post. Thank you!

Can one order up a miracle?

faineant — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 16:23:34 -0800

Online shopping in Calgary - help! ACK! I just got notified that a gift I'd ordered to be delivered in Calgary is on backorder (I am in the US). I will kill someone at the original company eventually, but for now I need need need (please, please, please) online shopable Calgary stores *that can deliver before Christmas* to a downtown office. I am willing to look at anything quirky, fun, geeky, motorcycle-ish, art, office toys, any cool stuff - even willing to do food (although that is low on the list) - if you know of a place in Calgary that does online ordering and can delliver - especially if it is one of your favorite places to shop - please tell me about it.

I already know Lee Valley, I have ordered from them before, and while they are great, their non-tool selection is a bit limited from the last time I looked, and nothing jumped out at me as a great gift for my friend. I have had horrible luck with Amazon Canada, and am not willing to do them again.

Any help truly gratefully received - thank you!

How do I stop freaking out about urination?

Anonymous — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 07:27:01 -0800

How do I deal with urine-related anxiety? It's intruding more and more in my life and I don't know what I can do to fix it. Over the course of college, I had two incidents in which I wet myself. In one, alcohol was involved...in the other, a boy I had just met and had kind of a crush on was involved (not a witness, thank god, but I put off peeing because I was embarrassed to excuse myself...dorky I know). I also had a couple of close calls that required public urination...not easy when you're a girl. So, being anxious about my ability to control my urine is not unwarranted.

Since graduating (2 years ago) I have a huge amount of anxiety associated with whether I will be able to get to a bathroom. I work in an office and go to a large number of hour-long (or longer) meetings and find that in general by about 45 minutes in, I'm squirming with urgency. I never have to pee that much, but I just have a feeling that I'm not going to be able to make it to the restroom before I let loose. This just keeps getting worse, to the point where I've had to excuse myself by saying I wasn't feeling well. Needless to say this is unusual behavior and as one of a small number of women in my workplace I worry that my frequent trips to the restroom are attracting scrutiny. This is probably just paranoia, but it sucks anyway. Today I was watching a presentation by the CEO and had a minor panic attack about feeling like I had to pee, although I'd just gone half an hour before. We're talking racing heart rate, sweating, trouble breathing...basically all around unhealthy stuff. It was scary.

This is really getting in the way of my life. I know I need to talk to my doctor about it, but I think it's a mind over matter thing and I mostly need some coping strategies. Has anyone else experienced this and figured out a way to make it stop, or at least make it better? I'm not interested in taking anxiety medications - in general I'm not a person that needs them, I'm just freaky about the idea of peeing my pants and it gets the best of me sometimes.

Heart racing/pounding upon waking up.

desjardins — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 13:07:15 -0800

Heart racing/pounding upon waking up. This happens in the morning and also when I take naps. Relevant info: female, 34, no tobacco, moderate drinker, slightly underweight, no chronic physical issues. Blood pressure is usually on the low end of normal range. I almost always get 7-8 uninterrupted hours sleep/night and have no trouble falling asleep or waking up.

I am taking Lamictal, Zoloft, and Klonopin for anxiety/depression. Klonopin slows down the racing heart, but I dislike taking it in the morning because it makes me drowsy. I can't pinpoint when this started, but it seems like a few months ago. I do have panic attacks, but the racing heart has never been a symptom before. Besides, most of my panic is related to social phobia, so it doesn't make sense that I would feel that immediately upon waking. Note that this happens while I'm still lying down - I'm not getting up too fast.

I called my psychiatrist; he doesn't think it's related to the medication, and doesn't have any solid ideas. I got a pretty thorough workup in the hospital in July (was there for neurological stuff, not heart related, though they did do an EKG) and got a clean bill of health. Where should I go from here?

Recommedations for CBT therapists in Austin?

Anonymous — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 10:00:43 -0800

I have a friend who suffers from anxiety and panic disorder. She currently sees a therapist, but is interested in a more structured approach. Does anyone have a recommendation for a female therapist in Austin, TX who specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy? I would also be interested in getting recommendations for brief inpatient programs.

Got them low down dirty Kernel panic blues

cosmicbandito — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 21:55:19 -0800

Mac OS X kernel panic shortly after boot on G4 iMac. How do I troubleshoot this? Every time I boot my G4, it kernel panics after about 5 minutes. Doesn't seem to matter what's running. I tried reading the kernel panic log, but don't see anything helpful. What's the best way to go about getting this fixed? I'm a Mac noob, but am good with Windows and reasonably proficient with *nix and command line stuff.

Help me help you- err, her.

backseatpilot — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 19:11:22 -0800

Girlfriend is incredibly stressed out right now, what can I do for her? She's a doctorate student and has a huge thing due tomorrow; it sounds like she's hit a wall and isn't getting anything done. I really want to do...something for her, but I have no idea what. I'm not in the same field as her, so I can't really help with the project, and she's already eaten so bringing her food probably won't help.

She's kind of in panic mode right now because of this impending due date plus two more later in the week, she's worried about when she's going to get any sleep, and I really want to do something to at least calm her down so she can concentrate a little better. Any ideas? It's already kind of late and we don't live together, so anything for tonight or tomorrow would be a great help.