Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with overwhelmed

Thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.

Nomyte — Sat, 17 Nov 2012 11:08:38 -0800

I feel like I'm trying to do too many things at once, all of them poorly. I also feel that I'm doing myself a big disservice by being in this situation. I feel like my life is in total disorder. I feel like I'm losing the race, to be honest. I'm afraid that the only way to win the race is to run faster, which I'm finding very difficult. Sordid details following. I have a job that can take everything I throw at it and more. Most of what I do is new to me. This would be really cool if the stakes weren't as high. I find myself in scenarios like, "Nomyte, I don't have any graduate students that can do this, can you figure out this byzantine software that my project will be relying on for the next six months, oh, over the next two days?" Or, better, "Nomyte, can you figure out how to analyze these data so our research team can submit this conference abstract by the Friday deadline?"

I really don't like working without a net in an environment where mistakes mean costly setbacks. I get new tasks before I can finish old tasks. I am answerable to an ever-growing array of people. My remaining feelings for human cognitive research are disdain and loathing. (I do really like the technical aspects of the job.)

I am doing my best to get into grad school. I've been taking math classes essentially non-stop for the past three years, ever since I was hired by the university. This semester is my first graduate-level class. It's really, really hard to combine my job with graduate-level math. Classes are only offered during the day. I am late to class and late returning to work (it's a ten-minute drive each way). I turn in incomplete homework. We are assigned interesting problems, but solving them takes time, experimentation, and insight. Several times a week I stay up working on homework late into the night. Several days a week I have to come in to work early. Several days a week I end up staying at work late. I end up working two weekends each month, not to catch up, but because people actually expect me to be available to weekends. I am at work right now. I've spoken to my instructor about this, but it feels like I'm actively hurting my chances of getting into the program. My supervisor sympathizes with me and recommends making up late days and weekends with weekday comp time, but there's rarely opportunity for that. Since we're part of a public university, we really have to make do with the staff we have.

I try to keep up with basic exercise. I'll do a couple sessions of 100 Pushups, but then I'll have a string of days when I get by on 4-5 hours of sleep and can barely function. Sometimes I have time to cook, sometimes I don't. I often forget lunch. I barely read for pleasure anymore, and I can only keep up with Flash games. I'll start something and then be unable to come back to it for a week or more. I used to sketch. I want to sketch!

I try to make time for leisure, and I'm obviously on Metafilter right now. But whenever I take time off, I'm afraid I only slip further behind. If I'm watching a movie, I feel anxious about not working on homework, or reading textbooks, or figuring out new research equipment, or looking at grad schools. I don't have time to attend talks or formal training. Or, of course, I could be working on self-improvement projects, or that book translation that's been sitting on the back burner for the past six months, or, hey, I should've been planning to do independent research if I want to get anywhere. And laundry, gotta make time for laundry.

Is bedlam a big part of everyone's experience? My life is drab and I feel worn out. What steps can I take to make it better? How do I prioritize the pieces? This feels like one of those times when you have to work hard for a while and then it gets better, except it's been going on for years. I find myself getting jealous of the amount of time my graduate student housemates spend on leisure. I want a normal life, I want human relationships, I want personal fulfillment and financial security. I want my efforts to pay off. Help me get back on track and not get discouraged.

Stop the Insanity

Fairchild — Wed, 12 Sep 2012 09:55:01 -0800

Advice on preventing weight gain and fitting in exercise when your life is spinning out of control. Ok, it's not spinning out of control but I am extremely busy. I went from having plenty of leisure time to almost no time for myself. I have a job, a demanding volunteer position, and two kids who are in school who play a sport and play piano.

I am going morning until night and writing this question on my lunch break. I have been grabbing fast food and frozen pizza and not working out as much as I used to. I am gaining weight. I feel upset that I can't make it to gym. Sometimes I want to say screw it and forget everything for an hour and go but not so realistic. Example: tonight I want to take hour-long class at Y that I usually take on Wednesdays. No can do because two kids with two different baseball times and eldest kid has this family tree project that I am helping him with. I have a husband. We are team and he parents just as much as I do.

I know I need to stop eating junk and need to exercise. Looking for ways to fit in exercise in my busy schedule. Exhausted at night. Often working at night catching up on emails, preparing stuff for volunteer position, etc. I have to be at work 7:30. I don't work five days a week but I often fill in for people and sometimes I am working more than I would like. I don't say no. I am the fill-in person. Work is more important than volunteer position but I cannot quit either. There are other volunteers to help but I am the main man so to speak and cannot defer work all of the time.

Need to stop gaining weight now! What are your tips, tricks? I know how to eat right, just been on this crazy train and am grabbing for convenience.

Thanks.

Stretched too thin...help!

andariel — Sat, 08 Sep 2012 07:18:48 -0800

Overwhelmed with parenthood/work/life...how am I supposed to manage everything? Am I being selfish? I have a 1-year-old daughter that was an amazing, sleepy, quiet baby, and now has developed this crazy energy that no amount of coffee can compete with. She's not sleeping through the night (she's getting more teeth and she seems uncomfortable) and feeding her is a chore. She eats well for her daycare provider, but throws her food around and is super-picky around me. She gets into everything, and I'm finding it hard to keep up. It is a struggle to get a shower and meals for me in!

I work full time during the week and travel about once every month/month and a half and it ranges from 2-5 days. I love my job and the travel that goes along with it. I feel rejuvinated (8 hours of sleep?! YES!) when I come back. My daughter stays with a daycare provider who loves her like her own, and my mom and sister occasionally watch her.

I feel terribly guilty though. Going away is hard because I miss her, but fun and exciting because I've never in my life traveled before this. On top of that, I keep her late in daycare once every other week for a therapy appontment, and another day (weekly) for a night class. I am in therapy for a phobia, but it will be wrapping up within a few months, and I have four classes left to graduate so abandoning that seems like a bad idea, particularly because if I complete my degree, my work will pay for it. At the same time, my ex doesn't take her for any length of time--no "every other weekend" arrangement and I don't see that ever changing. I cut ties with him and that has been a HUGE relief. But my daughter is with me 24/7 unless she is at daycare or my sisters.

I would love to start dating eventually. I can't take more time away from my daughter, so that's on hold. And besides that, I am self-conscious, for a lack of a better word, about my "status" as a single mother. I feel like most guys won't even look at me if they know that I have a child.

I want to have friends. I have maybe 3 or 4 friends that are more like acquaintances. I have no idea how to go about meeting people without taking more time away from my daughter. But bringing her anywhere...it seriously takes me hours upon hours to get us ready, fed, and out of the house. I've gone out with my sister and her friends 3 times in the past year. I feel guilty about leaving my daughter.

My mom is pushing me to sign her up for swim lessons and group activities. I am too overwhelmed. I rush around with work and daycare and appointments throughout the week, and the last thing I want to do is get up after 5 hours of broken sleep on a weekend to get myself ready before she wakes up and I don't have 30 seconds to myself.

I feel like I'm selfish for not doing enough with her. I feel guilty because I enjoy my time to myself when I travel. I feel overwhelmed and like I am getting nothing done when I'm home with her. I am lonely and don't have fellow parent friends. I want to start family therapy once I have more time.

I feel like a terrible mother. Things that should be easy at this point frazzle me.

How do I manage all of this? Should I be feeling as guilty as I do?

Any tips/suggestions/words of encouragement GREATLY appreciated! Especially firsthand experience from other parents/single parents...

Overwhelmed Mom Trying to Write a Dissertation.

white_magnolia — Wed, 01 Aug 2012 16:19:43 -0800

How can I write my dissertation as a mom of a young child with so much on my plate? How can I prioritize over the next year to GET IT DONE? I am a PhD candidate in the humanities. I love my topic, and I have a great supervisor. I am not teaching this year. I have nine months to write my dissertation before my defense date, which is set for May 2013. My daughter will be in school part-time in the fall, and I will have twenty hours a week in which to research and write my dissertation. My husband is incredibly supportive, but he works long hours, often getting home after 9:00. I find myself overwhelmed with childcare, cooking, cleaning, and laundry. How can I find the time I need to research and write and still do all the other things I have to do? When I explain my struggle to friends and family, they say just let everything else go completely, but the advice is not at all practical. I have to clean the house, cook the meals, do the laundry, run the errands, and take care of my daughter. I also need to find time to exercise and sleep. How can I free up time and energy to write? We can't afford childcare, and we don't have family close enough to help. Do I use prepared meals? Clean once a week? Not exercise? Stay up late at night to write until 12:00? Take Sunday off to spend time with family or write all weekend? I am looking for advice from those who have been there. What is it going to take?

sick of being sick, how to keep my chin up?

lifethatihavenotlivedyet — Fri, 20 Jul 2012 21:55:34 -0800

I'm sick and depressed and I don't know how to stop it I've had the worst year ever - three separate, consecutive major injuries - one that meant I had to quit my sport, which was my favourite thing in the world, one that cost me my job, and a third that forced me to take a week and a half off my new job cos I couldn't walk, and has meant I've been unable to run (best way for me to get in a good headspace) for 2 months. Finally, my foot seems pretty much healed, but I've had flu for the past 2 weeks. I can't go to work when I'm sick because I work with people with compromised immune systems. I've spent soooo much money on diagnosis and treatment for my injuries, and have no sick leave accrued in my new job. I'm lucky that my parents are helping me out financially but I'm 28 years old and just want to get ahead and be independent again and feel like a "real" adult with something to contribute and be proud of. I live alone and 2 friends have come to visit while I've had flu but I'm a very social, physically active person so this flu is really wearing me down emotionally. I've had some success with choosing to be positive etc but it's challenging to maintain and I'm starting to wonder if my luck really will turn around, cos I've told myself it would so many times this year already. I feel like I HAVE to get better by tomorrow but I'm afraid I won't (I still had a temperature last night). Rationally I know that there's nothing I can do about that this but I feel almost embarrassed that this is happening and it's somehow my fault. I don't want to burden my friends with more of my depressed complaining cos I've already relied on them so much. I want to get back to being the positive person I generally am but I feel overwhelmed. The things I'd usually do (exercise, go spearfishing, partying etc) are off the table. The only things I can think of to do might be write letters/cards to send to my friends to surprise them. I feel really unmotivated to do anything at all, even watch a movie, cos what's the point? I just want to be better so I can get on with my life. How can I accept this situation and stop being so afraid I'll lose my job if I have to call in sick for a few more days? How can I stop feeling like this all reflects poorly on me? How can I reassure myself that I will get better? What things can I do to create and maintain a positive mindset when I'm sliding back into being depressed?

How can I prevent or reduce acute anxiety?

valeries — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 13:23:48 -0800

After about one day visiting my family, I get very emotional and remain on the verge of tears for the rest of my visit. Once I've reached this point, talking about anything, even the most mundane, makes me cry. I have never experienced this except with my family. It can last for days. What causes this? What can I do to prevent it? What can I do to recover from it? Can you explain what is happening to me? My parents, sister and her family (kids are a pre-teen and a teenager), brother and his family (4 kids under age of 6) live in one city and I live far away.

I am very lucky in that I like my family and love them too. We enjoy spending time together. We never argue. I'm able to talk with each of them with no problems. We are able to disagree about things like politics without it getting heated. I make an effort to visit them. Nothing traumatizing has happened to me. I've gone on vacation as an adult with my parents with no problems. All of the children are amazingly well-behaved, polite, fun to be around.

It happened for the first time a few years ago the first Christmas after I got divorced (separated in March, so it wasn't particularly fresh). My brother was putting together a wagon or something – the loud hammering after a full day just put me over the edge and I started to cry. My dad hugged me for a while, very lovingly, but that just made the tears flow more. I held it together for the remainder of my visit, but didn’t fully recover until I got back home. Just thinking about it now, years later, makes my heart rise in my chest, my jaw tighten, and tears start to flow. So strange!

Other than this phenomenon, I hardly every cry. I am not an emotional person. I am generally very level. In case it's relevant, I have an autoimmune disease. I take Synthroid for Hashimoto's thyroiditis, diagnosed when I was a teenager, have my levels tested every 6 months. Also tested positive for the gene for Celiac but endoscopy showed no damage.

I want to dig deeper into this – what causes it? My theories: sleep deprivation, full days, total chaos and commotion, cramped spaces, loud noises, no alone time, being “on” from the time I wake up until the time I go to bed, different values and beliefs than the people I love and respect resulting in subtle disagreements/defensiveness/stress, some sort of more nebulous feeling of underlying judgment or disapproval (whether real or imagined) from people I love and respect, a combination of all of the above? I wish I could make the feeling go away. I love spending time with everyone, but once I get in that state, I can’t enjoy myself. I feel an overwhelming urge to flee.

This last time came out of nowhere when my grandmother described someone as twice-divorced. She's very religious and wasn't being overtly mean - if she were from the south she would probably have added "bless his heart". I tried to defend the guy she was talking about, stating that marriage is difficult and success isn't guaranteed even if both parties are easy-going, but I started choking up and finally just held it together long enough to say goodnight and go to bed. It has been two days, one travel and one back to my normal routine, and I still feel off.

I live in NY, so I'm used to a lot of noise, but maybe there's something about children's piercing screaming and close quarters?
I spent extended time with friends' children, including long weekend visits and even a week of vacation, but have never had a similar reaction. I've googled and it doesn't seem to be a panic attack.

I'm spending 10 days with my family over Christmas. What can I do to avoid this emotional state in the future? How can I prevent it? How can I recover quickly when it happens again? Can you explain what is happening to me?

How can I feel better when I'm feeling overwhelmed?

gumtree — Tue, 07 Jun 2011 18:00:26 -0800

How do I keep my chin up when I’m feeling overwhelmed in every part of my life? I’ll try and keep this short. I’m a university student currently living abroad. I’m in the middle of final exam preparation and about three weeks away from returning home. I’m feeling overwhelmed and “down on myself” in almost every sector of my life right now. For example:

Socially: Some of my friendships I’ve made while overseas have become a bit rocky for various reasons, leaving me feeling lonely and isolated. I’m also very disconnected from my friends and family back home.

Academically: I am a good student, but I don’t handle the stress of final exams very well. Even when I have a good day in the library and I complete the work I set out to do, I immediately feel bad. There’s always more time that I could be spending studying. There are days when I have no motivation to do my work at all.

Physically: I’ve gained a substantial amount of weight over the past few months from a combination of unhealthy cafeteria food (I’m on a meal plan) and drinking too much. I try to eat the healthiest options at meal times, but I’m usually left unsatisfied and ravenous in an hour or two. I enjoy cooking my own food, but money to purchase groceries is tight, and I have limited access to groceries and a kitchen. I have decreased my alcohol intake to about one night every two weeks, but I know that I’ll want to join my friends at the bar for one last night out before we leave.

As far as exercise goes I have access to a gym and either workout on my own or attend fitness classes 3-5 times a week. I have not seen any improvement in the mirror or on the scale, despite having increased my workout intensity, duration, and frequency two months ago.

Mentally: I feel very negative about myself. I don’t like what I see in the mirror, I can’t believe I’ve let myself get like this. I also feel like a terrible student. I’m not sleeping well, and I spend my days struggling through studying and work outs and not chewing my arm off between meals. I feel like I have a very unhealthy lifestyle here, and I’m just treading water until I can come home, relax, loss the weight, and be with my family and friends.

How can I make it through these next few weeks? What can I do to feel better now?

How many hats is one person supposed to wear?

Anonymous — Mon, 25 Apr 2011 12:15:35 -0800

Am I incompetent or being pulled in too many directions? Very long, I'm afraid. I work as a reporting analyst for a major bank. I consolidate and report on data from a dozen different groups for customer service metrics. This job has evolved out of recognition and I'm completely unable to tell if I'm just grossly incompetent or if I'm just in a no-win situation.

When I first started, my role was to send reporting out to the actual managers of the groups and to do requested analysis as it arose. I also developed monthly and weekly reporting for our oversight organization. This analysis was all extremely manual, as it was based on excel files the managers maintained themselves, so I had to reformat and fix all their spreadsheets before I could do anything to analyze them.

Then our department was reorganized. We then developed an internal web-based application for which I became responsible. Although I had no formal programming experience, I was expected to develop and maintain the dozen different front-ends for the different groups. I was also expected to do reporting for all of their information. Because it is information which comes directly from customers, it is not clean data, so I spend a lot of time trying to make it coherent before I can send it to the bank. No one understands this, although I've repeatedly tried to communicate this, so the work I have to do to make it match is, in essence, invisible.

I also get innundated with requests to make changes for the database, so I spent a lot of my time trying to patch the application to make it run the way everyone expects it to. I was still supposed to do all the reporting and analysis, but the applications were a full-time role (as my manager admitted) so I didn't get as much developed in reporting for our new department as I'd wanted, but even the processes I developed were not looked at by management for three months of weekly reports.

I am also not getting traction on the things that I report. My managers are angry that I'm not getting follow-ups from the teams, but I have as much as I can do to complete the reporting without going to each of twelve groups muliple times to get updates that no one reads. In addition, the groups don't speak to each other or interact well, so they use my oversight team to wage petty little wars with each other.

They're going to transition the application support to someone else to clear my plate for analysis, but the data is still going to require four to five hours to clean every time I want to do analysis, the groups are still going to refuse to respond to my emails until the third request, and I get no feedback on anything that I have produced unless I either sit down in someone's office and demand it or something goes wrong and I'm collateral damage in the wars between these groups.

Is this normal for a mid-level business analyst position? Should I be not only generating the reporting but directing all the resolution work in these other groups? It is normal for someone who is not in management to do reporting, analysis, as well as drive the remediation efforts in a dozen different groups with more than sixty people, when the data takes half a day to get into any sort of format that can be used, and it changes every day? I feel like I'm completely incompetent, and I'm certain my managers do, too. I'm just not sure how much is me and how much is the role.

Is a nervous breakdown an option?

Jess the Mess — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 10:26:04 -0800

How can I arrange my life so that I feel less overwhelmed? I work 32 hours (4 days) a week, but I also have a fledgling freelance writing business on the side, which I spend another 16-24 hours on each week. I make enough to live on (but not a whole lot more) at my day job. So far I haven't made much at all writing but revenue is slowly increasing and I totally love and am dedicated to it. It's At Long Last, Without a Doubt, What I Want to Do With My Life. The problem is, I can't seem to get a hold on the other aspects of my life - I never have enough time to clean - I do laundry only when I literally have nothing to wear, I feel like I'm neglecting my friends and family, sometimes I miss bills because I just didn't have time to read my mail, etc., and I feel like a wimp, because I know a lot of other people work longer hours than I do and still hold it together. One exacerbating factor, is that my day job has me work an opposite shift one day out of the four so it's forever throwing my sleep schedule out of whack. It's not a bad job, but it's not great either. Honestly, the only reason I stay there is because they let me have a four day work week and keep my benefits. My husband also works full-time and does all the cooking and helps out as much as he can but he has his limits too. He also makes enough to survive, but neither one of us makes enough at our jobs to support the other. We keep our expenses pretty low and strive to live within our means. We have no kids, so we really don't have it that bad, I guess. We have a dog and two cats though, two of which have (so far) minor health problems.

What I really want to do is quit my day job and just work full-time on my writing business. I imagine myself being so much happier and less stressed that way. But if I'm being realistic about, I know that would be a very bad idea right now, since I'm currently not anywhere near making enough money to support myself. And I've heard so many horror stories about people quitting their jobs and never finding work again. I also know that I have a tendency to make impulsive decisions sometimes based on whims or feeling rather than rationality.

So I guess my question is, to those of you who have moonlighted at something, while holding down a regular job, how did you deal with the rest of your life? Should I just accept that everything's going to seed for a while? If so, how long will this period last? Are there any magic tricks for keeping your shit together when you've got a lot going on?

How do I survive this week?

punchdrunkhistory — Thu, 14 Oct 2010 17:28:04 -0800

How do I make it through the next five days without falling apart? Completely overwhelmed with depression, midterms, medication, and a funeral. For all intents and purposes, the next five days are going to be the hardest days of my life. I've been fighting depression for years and, though I've been in therapy for a year and a half, started this week on a regimen of Prozac (10mg/day), flaxseed oil, and Vitamin D. This is the first time I've ever taken medication for depression. I've been going through what is apparently the ups and downs of starting fluoxetine - my days begin a little rough, I settle into a calm, even upbeat state by 10, but am back to depression by late afternoon.

I thought that would be okay to handle on its own, but my grandmother passed away Tuesday night, and tomorrow (Friday) through Tuesday night will be taken up by funeral business - travelling, attending (the service is on Monday), and returning. It's a 10-hour drive (thankfully, I won't be driving - I'll be in the car with relatives, three of which are small children). I don't have any major duties at the funeral, I don't think, besides just helping out where I can in the kitchen, with children, etc.

Unfortunately, this is also midterm season, which means I have two exams next week - one scheduled for Monday that I'm making up on Thursday, and another on Friday. I also have two short papers to write, a presentation to organize, and lots of reading to do. I can try to work in the car and at the house over the weekend, but I also don't want to isolate myself from my family during all of our time of need.

Basically, how do I manage all this work, while spending enough time with my family, while dealing with grief, depression, and the side effects of the fluoxetine? All I want to do right now is curl up into a little ball and hide, but that's apparently not an option. I've asked for extensions on what I can, but that's still only allowing me an extra few days -- so basically everything is due Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday.

But if I don't try the biathalon, how will I ever be happy?

SNWidget — Tue, 05 Oct 2010 04:53:13 -0800

How do I deal with the fact that I can't do every activity I want to do without feeling like I'm wasting my life? Either perceived or real, I feel like everyone else is doing much more interesting things than I am. Everyone else is writing a book, going to art show openings, out to bars, composing music, homebrewing, having kinky sex, having flavor tripping parties, or something along those lines. And I feel like I want to do it all.

I know that it's impossible to manage all of that, and I know that no one person is doing it all. The idea, though, that there exists out there something that I could be doing makes me feel crappy as a person. As if I'm missing out on life. I'm a grad student, so I have little time as it is, but even if I did have time, I feel as if I'd feel like I were missing out on life, and feel crappy about it.

Because I can't do everything, I tend to do nothing. Last night, I had an emotional breakdown that was basically a variation of "I feel like I'm wasting my life because I'm not doing ever possible thing I've ever thought of." Part of that is real, part of that is irrational. The real portion is the fact that I'm technology addicted, and I spend most of my time fucking around on my computer or watching TV. I'm going to start taking steps to fix that.

The perceived part is that I can't do it all. I know it. The problem is that I don't know which ones are the ones I really want to do, and because I can't know that, I feel like I'm failing at life by not doing them all.

If you've dealt with this, how did you come out the other end? How did you figure out what you wanted to fill your life with, and be ok with the fact that you can't do it all?

Do I prefer not to?

Anonymous — Sat, 01 May 2010 08:42:03 -0800

I have trouble doing the normal every-day stuff people just do without complaining. What is stopping me from getting it together? I'm a 25 year old male and I have a problem with routines. I'm great at novel stuff, but I can't do the whole normal person routine without a massive effort on my part. I have to keep reminding and pushing myself to brush my teeth, go to the gym, comb my hair, put on sunscreen, carry everything I need, keep records of things, iron my clothes, not to drink too much or smoke too much and eat right (to eat at all) and stay positive and engaged ...and I can usually keep it up for a day or two and then I just relapse and hate myself for it and end up spending another three days consuming crap and not bathing or leaving my house cause I feel like such a failure at being a normal human being and it seems like so. much. work.. I've mentioned to this to people before and they say "oh that's just growing up" or "Oh you're just spoiled" and I guess? It doesn't feel right cause these things seem so overwhelming and impossible when added together - and everyone seems to do them just fine -that I just fold completely. What is going on here, how can I stop/prevent it, is this normal?

Caution: Contents Under Pressure.

SNWidget — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 18:32:47 -0800

I'm being overloaded with information in my academic and digital lives - how do I separate the signal from the noise? There are two areas in which I'm completely overwhelmed at any given moment.

1) My academic work. I'm a teaching fellow who's working on his Master's thesis. I get great ideas for both my classroom teaching and my academic research. Over and over. I'll jot these down, and then they'll disappear forever. I'll go to a conference, and get a million great ideas - and then lose them all, or be so overwhelmed with something else that I never get the chance to implement them. I default back to standard, which drives me up the wall.

2) My digital life. I try to stay on the forefront be reading blogs on a bunch of different topics. I have various recipes stared in Google Reader, MeFi favorites that I've been meaning to go back and read for ages, and various things like this.

How do I process all this information, and distill it down to something useful? I get so excited and enthusiastic about new techniques, research, and news, but then I fall apart because I can't apply it to anything due to time constraints, or even a good system to process it all.

Thanks in advance, HiveMind.

I know I should be able to do this, but I constantly feel like I can't

Anonymous — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 07:24:32 -0800

How can I get through this job stress without driving myself insane? A few months ago I started a new job. Just on for a project. It's a very small office, so I'm really the only one responsible for this project at this point, aside from my boss. Project should be wrapping up in a month or so.

This is exactly the work I want to be doing, although it's a severe step up in difficulty and responsibility from what I've done in the past. Long hours and weekend work are expected. I have to admit I'm a little overwhelmed.

Realistically, I know I can do this. But I don't feel it. At all. I have to give myself mental pep talks several times a day. I'm constantly stressed. I don't eat enough, I smoke too much. I've lost a not insignificant amount of weight because of this. Not complaining about that, but it shows the effect this is having on me. I wake up in a panic and usually throw up first thing in the morning.

I feel like I've bitten off more than I can chew. Logically I'm doing a decent job, but in my head I'm floundering. My boss is very driven, and expects the same from me. I'm doing my best, but I know he feels that it is going much slower than he'd like. I am committed to the project, think it's good work and will be an important step in my career. But like I said, it's way more than I've done before. I'm normally pretty chill and a bit lazy, and the stress is really getting to me.

If it wouldn't totally screw the project and my future reference and work, I probably would have told them to find someone else a while ago. That is not an option, and really I don't want it to be.

How have you dealt with this kind of situation? How can I get through the next couple of weeks, do my best, and not lose my mind?

yes - no - maybe - maybe yes - maybe no - maybe maybe - wait - can't decide - what to do first? - was that wrong? - was that right?

Anonymous — Wed, 24 Aug 2005 11:14:55 -0800

Ever been so overwhelmed that it paralyzed you? How did figure out what to do first? How did you get it all done? Cirrcumstances rendered me unable to decide, focus, prioritize and accomplish for a number of years. The cause was found and I am clearer and eager to get on and rejoin life. But ye gods! The physical mess in my home is horrific and the number of things I've left undone over these years is humongous.

Imagine that you've been away from your life while a tornado was ripping through it -- through your job and house and relationships -- and that, while you'd periodically returned and started cleanups, you'd then disappeared each time just as you were making headway and by the time you returned again, the tornadoes had gotten worse and nobody trusted your commitment. So now you are back to stay but don't know where to begin to clear it all up, maintain it and make a living at the same time.

That sounds farfetched, but believe me, it's real and no, I don't really want to go into details just now except to say always trust your gut when you tell doctors you need to be tested for something physical that they tell you is all in your head -- and keep searching till you find the doctor who'll do the test.

Anyhow, I just want to get on with life but being able to suddenly see how messed up everything is is almost worse than not being able to see it before.

Here's the deal: my home is cluttered beyond belief; our house is falling apart; my family has lost faith in my ability to run things smoothly; I've put on 50 pounds although I'd never been overweight before; my business is gone although those who knew me remember my abilities and people who know me only recently are impressed by my credentials; I prefer to go back to that business, but some of my materials are still buried under the clutter and remarketing myself will take time, as will doing a refresher of the things I know; but our finances are by now strained to breaking my husband apart. A part time job would help while I reestablish my business but, as I've found out during the last three weeks, applying for jobs is a horrible and time consuming endeavor, and the teenage kids are all running wild and needing money for school.

If I left anything out you can add it yourself: every area of my life is now in shambles and I would love to get it right again in a step-by-step way, but every area is screaming for attention immediately and I feel hopeless and overwhelmed.

My thought is that organizing and getting rid of the clutter in my house will help me find stuff we need and will return a sense of peace and haven to our home, but when I concentrate on that, I'm asked why I'm not making an income. When I spend the day jobhunting -- and believe me, almost anything will do but I've not jobhunted in years and I'm floored by the slow pace of snagging an interview and by hearing that they're scheduling second interviews in a week or two. Hello? Second interviews? We're talking simple waitress job here.

Meanwhile, everyone needs rides and money and things and did I mention that my spouse is away during the week so there's nobody here to do it all but me?

And you have no idea how much time and strength are just eaten up by the simple act of throwing stuff into garbage bags and lugging it to the garbage when you're 50 lbs. overweight. I actually bought $1300 of personal trainer time at a 24-hour gym 2 years ago but my doctors won't say yes yet to me going back to reclaim it ( your expired gym contract can be overturned for medical reasons with a doctor's signature, FYI). I am focused enough to be able to tell helper's to pitch this, cart that and to work like a fiend WITH that help, but I can't afford it yet and my family is just not there for me to provide real assistance. I think they will be as they see me maintaining focus for now, but it's just been too long that they've seen and believed it.

Anyhow, Sorry for the rant. Therapy's out of the question -- first because the cause of all this was found to be a medical deficiency and not a mental health problem and second because the best therapy for me right now will be getting a semblance of order back. Besides, I LOL! don't have time -- I just want to get my life and my credibility back together without losing my husband and neglecting my kids.

Stuff like household help and a personal assistant ARE a viable option for me once I start back to work, and there are a number of items in this clutter that are new and valuable and I can barter them for help with the house, once I find them and clean up enough to let someone over. But those would all be steps 3 and 4 or something; I need decision and priority making help now.

Anyone tackled a life tornado before and want to give me suggestions? While we're at it, if you did, did you also find that a thousand emergencies cropped up while you were doing so, or is that just me. I don't think so, I think I'm just finding it difficult to set in flexibility for handling extraneous while trying to handle untenable.

I know this anonymous thing isn't set up to let me post again, so I want to say now that I hope I didn't include too much and that I sure would appreciate anything anyone wrote, and I won't forget you later when my dust has cleared and I get the opportunity to help you out. That's a promise I now can keep.

Many thanks.