Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with overanalysis

Paralysis by Analysis

Garden — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 09:48:32 -0800

Has anyone gone through a period in their life where they've just become too overanalytical and serious? I started therapy a little over a year and a half ago and it has been great. I've gained a lot of additional understanding of myself which has been helpful but at the same time I think it's actually detrimental in other ways. I've discovered a lot of positive aspects of my personality but I tend to focus on the deficiencies. I've been diagnosed as having some Asperger like traits (not the full blown Syndrome), ADHD (inattentive type), and a large amount of social anxiety. I feel stuck right now due to the fact that I don't know how to grow relationships with people that I'd like to have.

Before all the therapy, I would have described myself as an introverted, calm and empathetic individual. I struggled socially, but I always seemed to get by. I've always had a handful of friends to hang out with and that seemed sufficient for me (quality over quantity). The problems with these friendships is that most of my friends are now married and they're on a different course in life right now while I'm single and I need to find friends with similar interests that are single.

The problem with the therapy is that I'm so focused on all of my weak areas. I'd love to become a social butterfly, but I don't think that it's a realistic goal. I've read several books on conversational skills and social anxiety and they are interesting but I have a hard time implementing them into my life. I get into conversations and I am polite, I listen well, I ask people all sorts of questions about themselves, but it lacks the fun factor that I used to have in conversations. I don't know how to explain it, it just seems like I'm following too much of a script and it lacks spontaneity.

Does anyone struggle with this in conversations? I find myself thinking all the time what should I say? Sometimes my mind just goes blank and other times I just beat myself up. The weirdest part is that when I'm with friends or family I'm fine with the conversation. I can talk about anything with them. When it comes to meeting new people or people that I know only a little, I really struggle.

The other aspect of myself which has changed for the worse is that I'm pretty serious all the time and I hardly laugh anymore. I'll laugh if other people are laughing at something but it's not really heartfelt. I've asked my therapist about this and he says that once I relax and start enjoying myself that laughter will return and that I'll be less serious as well. I don't know, I feel stuck right now. I'm doing the things that I need to do, but I'm struggling with them.

I just think too much these days. I sit there and analyze everything and start reading about whatever I'm thinking about. For example I'll start reading about mindblindness as it relates to Aspergers Syndrome or theory of mind. Anything that I think about psychologically, I'm reading it.

I'd love to start some new hobbies, but I'm not even sure what would be a good hobby to start as my only goal in doing a hobby is having a shared interest with other people so as to facilitate better friendships.

If anyone has any advice about these issues or of some other time in their life when they've experienced similar issues, please let me know. It would be reassuring to know that I'm probably just going through a stage.

Umm, so where abouts is the off button?

chrisbucks — Sun, 16 Dec 2007 06:50:58 -0800

I can't stop thinking, and it's destroying my life! I over think and over analyse every damn situation, it's causing me major depression and stealing my sleep, so how do I stop? Pretty much I over think everything, to the point that it's starting to ruin my academic career, my job, my relationships and everything else!

I find sleeping difficult, because my thoughts tend to peak later at night, as do my creative ideas, so I stay up late frequently, often I'll decide to go to bed, but eventually get restless and go back on the net or read a book. I'll be about to fall asleep then I recall something I read earlier in the day, or something that someone said, so I find myself compelled to go look it up, or 'resolve it' to myself.

It plays havoc with relationships or even potential relationships, seemingly small issues snowball because I sit around pondering how I could have done XYZ differently, or how I should do so and so tomorrow and spend a lot of time pre-judging how I should handle certain situations. I'm sure if you check out my ask.mefi history you'll see a pattern of that kind of stuff (there's some self analysis going on!)

My last few relationship messed up because I dwelled on details too often and never allowed myself to just enjoy where I was...

I suppose it doesn't help that I don't have many friends to distract me, I wouldn't say I'm introverted though.

Sometimes this over active brain I have is very useful, and I don't want to just lose it, but there are times when I wish I could just find the off switch and go into idle mode and just enjoy existance, instead of worrying about details.

Ideally I just need to get laid and chill the ____ out, but I was hoping or a more internal solution that was immediately accessable. Therapy, medication and assorted other things are workable solutions?

I don't actually recall a point in my life where things weren't like this, but I'm pretty sure I was happy at one point...

Relevant biographics: I'm a 22 year old male, media graduate (or close to it) in NZ.

Moving out of one's own head.

piratebowling — Sat, 22 Jul 2006 20:48:32 -0800

I live in my own head too much. I over-analyze my own feelings/thoughts as well as the actions of others. How do I overcome this? While this practice sometimes leads to very reasonable/helpful observations about people, which ulitimately help me interact with them in a more healthy way (i.e. avoiding fights), it also often leads to instances where I read too much into things and make false snap judgments. I want to stop this, as it can feel like torture at times. Often an event or specific painful feeling from a past event can get stuck in my brain, and I am suddenly caught in (what Lewis Black once described as) a mobius-strip like mental loop for a long time. It is not a pleasant feeling and in extreme cases will have negative impacts on my mood, appetite and sleep.

How do I keep positive aspects of observation (ones that help me avoid fights and be considerate of other's needs) while avoiding the ones that make my mind feel like a prison? I've tried therapy in the past, but it soon felt more like a chore than anything else. I'm looking for techniques that will calm me down and change my train of thoughts in these instances.