Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with over

How to become friends with my ex while I'm still working out my feelings

zettoo — Thu, 14 Mar 2013 06:56:50 -0800

How do I stay in loose, friendly, honest contact with my ex (from a short relationship) to build a friendship while I still have some residual feelings for him? I know we are only friends now, and I want to respect my boundaries and also his. There's no chance we'll see each other in person for a long time, so this is all about communication and not about sex. I had a short, mostly long distance relationship with a man whom I really enjoy, respect and care for. I developed stronger feelings for him than he did to me, and when I realized that we wanted different things (I wanted a committed relationship and he didn't, mainly because of distance but I also think he didn't see me as a girlfriend) I told him I needed time to myself. We didn't talk at all for a few months, but recently I decided it was time to say hello and see how we are as friends. I gave myself time to get over it before I contacted him - however, now that I have, he's been a bit sentimental and it's made me realize I still have some feelings for him. I guess I'm not as over him as Id thought.

Because our relationship was so short, and he was respectful and kind throughout, I truly think we can transition to friends. I'm not trying to punish him for not wanting me to be his girlfriend, and think this can turn into a valuable friendship. I REALLY think we can both be grown ups and have a chance to be friends. So here's my question:

How do I stay in loose, friendly, honest contact with him to build a friendship while I still have some residual feelings for him? I know we are only friends now, and I want to respect my boundaries and also his. There's no chance we'll see each other in person for a long time, so this is all about communication and not about sex.

Your feedback on how I can 'stay cool' and zen about things while occasionally being in touch with him is really appreciated.

Decisions, decisions...

Seeking Direction — Mon, 04 Mar 2013 12:06:25 -0800

How can I avoid analysis paralysis in decision-making and pick what's "right for me" more consistently? How can I minimize regret? I seem to be incapable of making a good decision.

No, I'm not talking about "bad decisions" in the sense of drinking and driving, or playing hockey on a pond with a "thin ice" sign.

Instead, I'm talking about not being capable of deciding which restaurant to meet someone at, what time to make an appointment at, or what color tie to wear. In other words, decisions where there is no "right" choice, though I may indeed enjoy one of the choices better.

I know traditional "decision-making" advice tends to be things like "make a list of pros and cons, weigh the outcomes, etc.". However, I try to think too logically, and get stuck in analysis paralysis...often, over the stupidest things! (Unfortunately, the problem happens with decisions on every scale, unless there is indeed a clearly logical, "right" choice.)

Thinking vs. preference/feeling have a battle.

It's worse when someone else is involved.

I develop a sense of regret easily (especially if it is a large-scale decision).

I'd like to follow something along the lines of Steve Pavlina's "is it me" advice (which I consider very valuable), but the "logical" side of me inevitably tries to suppress it.

Any advice would be appreciated!

Starting over

nidora — Thu, 10 Jan 2013 16:34:02 -0800

Anybody have any experience with needing to come to a fresh start? I am blessed with an abundance of things, but this last year has been tough. I still have a roof over my head, but I had to move back in with my parents at the age of 37. Not exactly what somebody my age wants to be doing, but will out of necessity. I recently finished graduate school about a month ago. I finished with a degree in counseling psychology. It's kind of ironic, since I am supposed to have solutions for other people, but I can't even get my own life together.

I don't want to have a pity party, but I can say that I have made more errors than most along the way. Everyone tells me that failures are learning experiences. That might be true, but they also are a reflection of how you are doing in the world.

I'm not sure how the rest of my life is going to pan out. I would love to say that I'm going to become a great therapist, but I'm not even sure whether I should go down that path. How can I give others advice about anxiety and depression when I have had my own fair share of that throughout my life?

I am an expert on making something simple, complicated. I'm not sure what else to share with everyone? My life is a mess and the only one that I can blame is myself.

If there is anyone out there who has had to come to a clean start from the way that they were living their lives, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Right now, I feel discouraged and that I am losing perspective. The truth is that I'm a mess.

Any input would be greatly appreciated concerning starting your life over again.

How old is too old?

irish01 — Thu, 26 Jul 2012 15:37:21 -0800

Sick of everything and want change is 42 too late in life? My youngest child just graduated high school, I have a 2010 Bachelor's degree in Information/Libray Science I haven't used and I hate my current job. As the kid's were growing up I had to work full time as a single parent, I received my bachelor degree with intent on going for an MLIS/archival science degree and moving to NYC, my goal job would to be to work at the World Trade Center Museum. Well grad school is ridiculously overpriced, how the hell do you move to NYC, and I think I'm too old to start over (I think employer's like the younger crowd). I have a house and I hate my current job, what to do? Anyone ever been through this...I have a dream but I'm pretty sure it is too late for me to get the right experience in archival work....I really am stuck. How do people change? Any thoughts on life?

What's your favorite car rolling over stunt?

asavage — Thu, 10 May 2012 09:49:40 -0800

Car rolling over filter: I'm looking for movies wherein a car rolls in a spectacular (potentially test-able) way. Or for an interesting or counter-intuitive reason. Think along the lines of the car flip on the way down Fillmore in Jade. Or the Bond/Casino Royale flip of the McClaren. Hopefully even more spectacular.

One night stand is driving me mad

soooo — Thu, 05 Apr 2012 09:23:47 -0800

Why do we want ppl the more they don't want us and how can I start talking myself out of really bad ideas? (e.g. - once I get an idea *usually bad* in my head to do something, I rationalize to the hilt why I should follow through and always end up doing it) Help me find balance! .... I've left the guy from my last question alone for a month now. I ignored him in class and blocked his fb so I wouldn't look at it. Unfortunately, I talked myself into looking recently and now I feel sick to my stomach b/c of the links he's been exchanging w/ one particular girl (an old friend he seems very close to)...

I feel crazy for thinking about him b/c I don't think he has given me one thought. I've gone on 2 dates since and flirted w/ other guys. I've backed out on dates and turned down others bc I'm not as attracted to them as I was to him and it feels like a step down... my mind and heart still seems to be on the one who doesn't want me. Maybe b/c he seemed so genuinely good and exemplified "my type" while the other guys seem so fake or are drunkards (eg. - although he drinks he never lost his frame and got drunk around me like one of my dates.) Yet I know he isn't good b/c of the way he treated me at the end. ALTHOUGH I feel like I might've backed away slowly if a guy had played their cards the way I did - so can I really say he is no good?

I can't get this out of my head! I don't want to, but I think about the part I played in driving him off and why I acted this way (not being cool, being impatient & overeager, being aggressive and making it way too easy.. I kick myself and am embarrassed - I wonder what the hell happened to my confidence and pride and what made me bend them when I became the chaser and we lost the push/pull dynamic (talking myself into bad ideas constantly)

Also, this girl from fb is not very attractive imo (I know I'm biased) and it's killing me! Idk - I want to stop feeling this way pronto! What else can I do or tell myself that can shift my emotions and stop the crazy? How can I prevent myself from justifying bad decisions in the future and how can I convince myself that if a guy doesn't want me to back off, instead of trying to make him (although it temporarily worked in this case) when I have a pro-active/take charge outlook on life and hate feeling powerless? Is it even wrong to try - haven't we all come to like people who we may have initially dismissed?

It's all about her.

shelayna — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 12:46:15 -0800

No matter what problem I try to discuss with a friend, she always turns the conversation to a similar problem SHE'S had. Any way I can make her stop? I have a bit of a problem with a friend. Most of the time we have a great relationship- she is kind, caring, would do anything for me. Love her. But there is something she does quite often that really bothers me.

Whenever I am telling her about a problem I'm having/situation I'm going through, she will often cut me off mid-sentence with "The same thing happened to me!" and then proceed to tell me about HER problem. She does this to everyone, actually- sometimes she will just talk over the person who was talking until they shut up and she can tell her story with everyone listening. It happens with big things and little things- the other day a mutual friend was talking about a Barbie doll she had as a little girl, and my friend cut her off mid-sentence with an exclamation about HER childhood Barbies and the other friend was forced to shut up until my friend was finished talking. This happens a lot. I actually get embarrassed when she does this.

This behavior puzzles me, because in every other way she is very considerate of others and cannot tolerate rude behavior. She goes out of her way to be kind and tactful and never wants to hurt people's feelings. I don't think she has a big ego and thinks HER story is more important- because the rest of the time, her behavior doesn't demonstrate a big ego at all. I think she is just truly unaware of what she's doing- just clueless. I guess I'm used to it, but I have seen others obviously taken aback when she does this- but she doesn't notice.

I'm hesitant to come out and tell her about this bad habit of hers. She is very sensitive and I'm afraid this would hurt our friendship. Other than this problem, we get along great- but this is really getting on my nerves.

Is there a way I can let her know what she's doing without actually having to say it? Or, if I must say it, is there a way I can say it that won't offend her? This friendship is important to me, and this habit of hers isn't something I'd ever "dump" her over, so I'd like to somehow make her stop doing this. Any advice?

Starting Over at 48 - Is it too late?

Anonymous — Wed, 08 Jun 2011 15:49:35 -0800

I want to get off ODSP and try going back to work, but how? I'm 48, on ODSP (long term disability), I live in a crappy little bachelor apartment in a subsidized building. With the price of everything - especially groceries - skyrocketing, what I get on disability doesn't even last me to the end of the month. And I'm talking JUST bare necessities. Forget a haircut, or buying new clothes, or going to a movie once in a while. There's absolutely no money for any of those "luxuries." I'm tired of living well below the poverty line just because I have a psychiatric disability which, I might add, I have worked VERY HARD to overcome to the point where I feel I can function reasonably well "out in the world" again. I should say that what I suffer from is PTSD.

Anyway, I am tired of living like this. It's not living. And these living conditions are NOT conducive to anyone's good mental health, so I would really like to go back to work. Problem is, I have been out of the work force for 15 years, don't have an updated resume, and I'm afraid that at my age, without any current experience, my chances of being hired are slim to none.

What I would really like to do is work in a dental office - as a receptionist/office manager/treatment coordinator. While I do have office experience, albeit outdated I'm sure, I do not have dental experience. But I feel that I could learn very easily and I'd be good at it because I myself have had to struggle with serious dental issues, dental phobia, etc., so I think I could make the patients feel very much at ease... and it's something I'd really like to do.

So what do I do? What do I put on my resume? I don't think, "Well I kind of went nuts because of a trauma I experienced so I've been on disability the last 15 years," is something employers want to hear.

And I can't go back to school... can't afford it. And I won't qualify for a student loan because my credit is terrible.

I think I'm screwed. This is why it's SO hard to get "out of the system" once you're in it. Any suggestions?

Corners on a dime?????

gypseefire — Thu, 05 May 2011 20:42:32 -0800

I am interested in purchasing a gently used cross over vehicle for myself. I plan on paying cash and want to spend 10,000.00 or less. I prefer Honda or Toyota but am open to reliable well made vehicles. The vehicle will be driven by me and will often have another adult and 2 young children. I prefer something larger and roomy on the inside comfort is paramount. I'd also love someone good on gas but not without some zip. I am fairly brainless about vehicles in regards to what lasts and what doesn't. I want this vehicle with a warranty.

Please give me some hope.

Anonymous — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 09:08:52 -0800

Please give me some hope. I'm 32. I am going through a bad break up. The relationship lasted 1.5 years. It's been only a few days since the break up and I'm trying to act normal and go about normal life even as I find myself tearing up in my stupid cubicle at work. I do not plan to ever have contact with the ex again and so far have had no contact since the breakup. I need to make a clean break.

Can anyone give me stories of hope? I have been searching the internet for matchmaking sites and reading bad review after bad review. My social circle is small and none of my friends has single friends they could introduce me to. My mom actually has a lot of younger friends who have friends who could maybe introduce me to someone new, but I find it difficult to believe that a relationship could work if my mom is setting me up.

My ex and I met on okcupid. I tried craigslist and okcupid. Previously, I spent nearly 3 years single. I felt OK during this time, but I really did have a sense of emptiness despite doing all the right things - such as volunteering, going out with friends, meeting as many new people as I could, seeing a psychologist, and going to meetups. I was thrilled to meet the new guy and I thought I would never be single again.

It takes me a long time to fall for someone. I dread the idea of waiting another 3 years to find someone I love again. I remember coming back from dates and sobbing on the car ride home because I didn't feel a connection and felt like I never would.

Now, I feel incredibly old. I am looking for stories of hope from people who have found love in their 30s and beyond.

At this point, my mind is only capable of remembering the stories of people who wanted to find a partner, but never found one. For instance, one family friend is 62 and she has been single for 30 years despite wanting a relationship. Another, has been a widow for 4 years now and wants to meet someone new, but hasn't had any luck. The third is a friend who is the same age as me who has never been in a relationship despite wanting one.

Please, share your happy success stories with me. I could use some hope right about now.

How do you start over at 35?

Anonymous — Sun, 09 Jan 2011 10:26:28 -0800

Question: Trying to rebuild after leaving an abusive relationship; how can I recover my lost sense of self, while facing a competitive job market? Am afraid of risking time and money on unrealistic choices that might add to an extensive repertoire of crappy experiences. Not sure I won't crumble, faced with the long haul involved in finding worthwhile work. Need short-term, affirming experiences, and a plan.

This past year:

- left a five-year, cohabitating relationship with an alchoholic subject to rages. Working life was restricted by visas and constant emotional exhaustion.

- was laid off. Work history has been demoralizing and deskilling, best described as 'non-profit admin'. Can't face more of the same. Unemployed 6 months.

- made a transatlantic move back to my hometown; currently staying with family and caring for an aging parent. Struggling to rebuild old friendships.

Previously:

- dealt with depression, anxiety, agoraphobia; lifelong underachievement and academic failure; perfectionism and ADHD traits. (First clause is no longer a live issue - if anything, I've got a strong impulse to make the most of my life and am more relaxed than ever.)

Am in my mid-thirties. I accept that starting 'fresh' means accepting challenges, but starting in the mailroom might be more than I can bear. Also, in many ways, I'm just getting to know myself again.

Am torn between 1) picking up unrealized ambitions (the dream was a PhD in cognitive science), 2) committing to a newly discovered art form which gives me great pleasure, and 3) pursuing a career that has market value and a shorter lead time to income generation (social work or occupational therapy; also have some experience in 'communications officer' work).

1) is complicated by a spotty record and a loss of intellectual confidence (and relative poverty). But *loved* CS. 2) is cathartic, absorbing, motivating. Have been encouraged to pursue it by peers and mentors, but am sure it means poverty. 3) would tap into some of my natural skills, but am concerned I'm a good candidate for burnout.

Which of these paths makes the most sense - from both psychic and economic PsOV?

Any ideas around how I can maintain self-respect, and stay open, when starting from the bottom?

Throwaway email: yellabelliedfatalist@yahoo.com

My friends keep telling me to "just get laid" but it feels gross - what should I do?

vilolagrl — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 21:29:43 -0800

Should I suck it up and get into a relationship with/sleep with someone I'm not really attracted to, to gain some relationship momentum (ie break the streak) and get over someone I can't have? So as a precurser to this post, you should know:

1. I am an attractive and confident woman who is 28.

2. I have had a career since I was 18 (classical musician), am a workaholic, and haven't had many relationships, mostly because I don't find people I'm attracted to physically and intellectually that often.

3. I'm hung up on a guy who has a girlfriend. It was a case of weird timing: They had been dating for 6 weeks and she found out she was getting transferred 3 hours away and after the first three dates that didn't go so well (his words were "we both thought 'yuck' for three dates but then on the fourth date 'something just clicked'"). We met the day he agreed to move with her (in a professional way - he and I have mutual friends), started talking at 10:30pm and got kicked out at last call (2am on a Monday), had an instant connection that just grew and grew. Fastforward a few months, I tell him I have "romantic feelings" for him, he says he has "strong romantic feelings" for me too, but I say that I would never trust him if he left his current girlfriend for me and being a homewrecker is not something I can live with... he suggested we "put a pin in it" route and agreed to be friends (just to be clear, he's very reserved but never said word one about leaving her - but I preempted any of that with the "I won't be able to trust to you if you dump her for me"). We talk on the phone/email once in a while (he's been gone 2 months, we've talked maybe 4 or 5 times) about life, music etc, etc and he looks at me with big lovey doe eyes but the fact of the matter is, he moved with her and he's sleeping with her so I'm trying to get over my feelings for him and be happy that he seems to be happy in his new city and in his relationship (I guess he's happy, he never mentions his gf to me - he describes her to others as "nice", and she has a habit of buying him things. She spent over a 1000 dollars on one of his Christmas gifts - again super evil/completely stupid of me to have hope that his relationship is not based on pure, undying love but rather lust with a little convenience thrown in).
My current city is his hometown, and he has said many times that he intends to move back permanently since his family is here. We didn't cheat or anything, but there was a tilt and lean almost kiss that I put the brakes on, and we had a lingering embrace/hug that again, I wiggled out of when he was trying to extend it. This is his first serious girlfriend, according to our mutual friends who have known him for most of his life. He was going through some crap when he met her, and is finishing a few classes for his degree, and is getting his "sh*t straight" according to him.

4. I'm trying to be a good person and not love somebody I can't have, and not be selfish and hope it doesn't work out (that seems like bad karma)... he's a good friend now and I truly do want him to be happy, however he find happiness. For me to imagine I might help make him happy someday is just selfishness, I know. He knows how I feel, he feels the same way but he must feel more for her since he left with her (they've been going out for about 8 or 9 months at this posting).

5. I haven't slept with anyone in 8 years.

6. I can't get a thrill from any physical stuff with another guy unless I imagine it's this guy who left. (I also can't uh hum, arrive by myself unless I'm fantasizing about him... fml)

7. I defriended him on FB, I deleted his number from my phone, I ignore him on IM. I took up yoga and belly dancing to get my mind right, I got a sort-of promotion at work, have been doing meetup.com stuff, asked all my friends for blind date recommendations, and started some grad school work in the past three or four months to try and move on. The problem is, I'm kind of shy and composed in the guy department. I almost never find a guy I am into enough to open my heart to. But I did with this guy and I'm just torn to pieces. It's not getting better. Unfortunately, I have hope in my chest that just will not die, no matter how many different ways I try to kill it.

Because I'm trying so hard to get my heart/brain on track/off of this other guy, I've been dating a lot. Most of the guys really like me and text a lot, email, request more dates, but they're all just a dead battery in the physical attraction department. The latest guy, we'll call the Prof, has a good job, he's kind of funny, but there's a few red flags (he's a little immature given his age of 35, and not in the good way - lots of drunk FB pictures, he's a little stuck up, talks a lot about his ex's, lewd talk, I wiped my mouth off after his first kiss - he couldn't see me do it, but my initial reaction was NOT good), the first time I saw him I literally had a frowny face :( appear in my head - I am NOT attracted to him. But he's chasing me, and will NOT give up. Because the last 8 years have been a series of false starts and straight up not dating, I think I'm need a new strategy.

Part of me wants to trust my heart and initial reaction and say "no way Jose" and take on a Jane Austen-like bravery to wait and "bonk only for true love" or something... the other part is full of my friends saying "Just get laid!" and my guy friend's experience of "something clicking" (though to be honest, I think that clicking might've involved his member getting serviced somehow but that's rude of me to speculate because I guess love can grow from "yuck"...? I can believe that love can grow from "meh" but "yuck"? I think lust can grow from "yuck" or "meh" but AGAIN rude and out of bounds of me to speculate because that just fuels the stupid hope machine that is my heart)...

Should I trust my initial "yucks" to all these guys, or just suck it up and start sleeping with someone I'm not into to get over this other guy?

I really want to be a good person and not use anyone. But I'm just not built to be slutty. I've never had a one night stand. I don't know how to sleep with someone I'm not that into. It's like asking me to fly a plane. I wouldn't know where to start. Press the big red button? Who knows? :)

I think that's a good thing but I'm getting lots of advice from girlfriends who have more relationship experience than me - they say if I sleep with these guys they'll start to grow on me and other men will be more attracted to me (when it rains it pours) and then I can dump this guy for someone I actually like. They also say it's been so long I'm putting the "penis on a pedestal" ala 40 Year Old Virgin but I don't know... Leading someone on like that seems evil. Also, giving myself away physically like that makes me queasy. But maybe that's my problem!? Maybe I'm too old fashioned and the dating world has left me behind?

My heart is broken, ya know. But I don't want to hurt/lead someone trying to fix myself, and I don't know if that's going to make it worse or what. I mean, I didn't want to fall in love with this other guy (tried SO HARD to distract myself, went on 30 dates in 4 months to try and find someone else), and feel so guilty for not being able to get over him when he's with someone he's living with, like I'm sending evil vibes their way or something... Ug, I'm a mess but I'm really trying! Should I change my non-working ways and try to sex my way out of this box of sad and lonely, mefi? Advice please.

The Crazy Dad Routine

pmaxwell — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 20:07:43 -0800

"I believe in my .45, my shovel and the fact that nobody will ever miss you." — the dad in Clueless to the boyfriend. I'm looking for things to say to my daughters would-be suitors to make them to believe that I might just be crazy enough to deliver them a serious beat-down should they disrespect or treat my daughter poorly. Any other scenes in movies or books that I can reference for my "crazy dad" routine?

help me breathe in public

Anonymous — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 18:18:22 -0800

i have social anxiety with my sweetie when we're out in public at crowded events because of past baggage. looking for some tips (more inside). i am over a year into a wonderful relationship with good communication, lots of love and physical and non-physical intimacy.

it did not start that way, though. our first few months were:

1. we hook up after a long build up of emotions and communication (talking to each other every day for hours).
2. my sweetie disappears a week later and starts dating someone for a few months.
3. my sweetie realizes that i'm the person they're in love with and that they were scared to be happy (lots of challenging,painful previous relationships).
4. i also later learn that the week before hooking up with me, my sweetie hooked up with someone else.
5. a year and a half later, we're here.

all this, after really good conversations, was related to my sweetie being scared and confused about me, and some other factors.

we have worked really really hard to build a solid relationship filled with trust. i have much much more trust of my sweetie, each and every day. when i have raised some fears, she always responds exactly how i wish she would without my asking. we're really compatible that way and care about each other (and ourselves).

here is the challenge:

before dating her, i was coupled with someone for 3 years who flirted with everyone in sight, kissed other people (while wasted), really hurt me in public. same with someone before that who cheated on me.

now, when i go out in public, i get nervous when my sweetie people watches. she's not looking for anyone else. she's just interested in the world. other people's interactions. funky fashion. etc. as someone who isn't a really big people watcher, it's a little difficult for me to understand but i'm working on it. i don't want her to change.

that said, i still get really anxious, that she'll see someone cute and run off. i know this makes no logical sense, but it's my true feeling. i am in therapy and i am working on this, but what i'm really looking for are some tricks/tips you may have used/may use to help me snap out of my anxiety when i'm in public and this happens (decreasingly so). not only do i personally hate it, but it makes my sweetie feel my distance and worry that she has done something wrong. i have a fear of being controlling or of making my sweetheart's world smaller. and i really think that this is something that requires my growth because i do trust her. when i get anxious, as is common with anxiety, my fear takes over and my ability to stay grounded disappears.

what i have tried doing is say to myself, "funny self, you're feeling distrustful now, or worried, that's ok, i honor that feeling, and now i can move on." often that works, but sometimes i can't move on until my sweetie checks in on me or gives me a moment of attention, and then i snap out of it.

thank you for reading all of this. i appreciate hearing your tips.

How do I follow through with things that I think about all the time?

4Spokenwords — Fri, 29 Oct 2010 19:56:29 -0800

How do I follow through with things that I think about all the time? I have a very bad tendency to think a lot about a lot of things. Things I want to do or things I want to change. I complain often about not liking what is taking place in my life and come up with ideas of how I am going to handle them but then never follow through. I either a put things off or more honestly I think of reasons why I wasn't thinking right before. I know this all sounds a little confusing, I am battling with myself just to post this question at all. let me give you a little history. I am 30 a single mom of two children. I have been through a lot of abuse from parents too relationships that I have had. I still have A LOT going on in my life....(which I think contributes to why I don't do things more then I want to except, but I don't want that to be an excuse either) I ponder things from how to eat healthier to what I am going to do for the day to not continuing to have relationships that seem to be not good for me. I am not a procrastinator, at least I don't think I am. I tend to make decision easily and I do get A LOT done in a day. However, when it comes to me I don't feel good about myself and I want companionship that is healthy and not feel worthless and used. I sit at night and ponder over actions that I could take on how to make that happen and then for what ever reason (which is why I am posting this) I can't seem to find the drive to follow through with my thoughts or reasons. I question myself more then I would like. I want to improve as a person. I think that this is what life is about change and learning from mistakes. Please offer any insight on what are some REAL things that I could do to help find motivation, will power or what ever it is that I am lacking....thank you

Yet Another What Similar Album Do You Recommend Question :)

fantodstic — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 14:54:20 -0800

Similar Albums to Neutral Milk Hotel's In The Aeroplane Over The Sea I had listened to NMH's In The Aeroplane Over The Sea back in college a few times. I never really got into it; I mostly skipped to my favorite songs and, right off the bat, I didn't like Two Headed Boy or In The Aeroplane Over The Sea.
Early this year, I was looking through my CD shelf and, by chance, this album fell on my foot and the corner bruised me a little. I saw it as sign from the Universe and played it from start to end.
And I have not been able to not listen to it at least twice a week for the last 10 months. Every song flows so beautifully from the last one until the breathtaking squeaking chair at the end...

The last time I got into an album really heavily like this was with both Dark Side Of The Moon and Joy Division's Unknown Pleasures...

Anyways, I don't mean to drag on and on but I just wanted to know what some of your recommendations are for a similar album to Aeroplane.
Additionally, if you were ever really into this album, what was the next album you got really into after this one? What places and doors did this album create for you or what other bands have you come to appreciate after this one?

I hope the question isn't too fuzzy...haha.

There will always be a moon over Marin?

DecemberBoy — Mon, 29 Mar 2010 23:15:10 -0800

I've always wondered about the lyrics to the Dead Kennedys' song "Moon Over Marin". It seems like one would have had to have lived in California in the late 70s-early 80s to get all the references in the song, so I'm hoping someone who did can explain them. Particularly: Was the area of Marin particularly known for pollution? Why Marin? And what is the "uniform with two white stripes" supposed to be? Why is the protagonist exercising in a fenced-off area on a beach? I suspect this all made sense to the intended audience (nobody in punk rock back then thought people would be listening to this stuff for this long and this far outside their local scenes).

i'm the loser, baby....

motsque — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 12:42:34 -0800

How do you stay classy in the face of rejection? Well, it turns out that this guy claimed not to be into me when I went for it. I know, I'm as surprised as you are. I was doubly surprised at the time by his admission, "You know, I'm in to X." I was so surprised because on at least one occasion he brought X up and said, "I know she's interested but I don't like her that way," and on another, I asked him point blank if he was interested and he said, "No way," while gazing deeply into my eyes with a little half-smile on his lips.

OK, so he was a jackass. I'm seeing someone else who I really like quite a lot; he possesses many fine qualities that have been absent in my recent relationships.

Now Jackass is with X. I try to avoid them in social settings without being rude, because I really don't take rejection well. Last night I got stuck at the same table with them, where he proceeded to paw her up in front of me. I was sitting with my date, but I'm really not into PDA and would never do something to make him think I'm using him for a showpiece.

How do I keep classy? I want to tell X what a total loser Jackass is; how he strung me along and purposely lied about her to me. I know it isn't my place .... please tell me how to effectively refrain from doing something this stupid.

All day I've been fantasizing about creative ways to revengefully humiliate him....and I need to get over it. How can I mentally remove myself from feeling personally insulted by their relationship?

I struggle with BPD, depression and anxiety. It's pretty well under wraps with medicine and DBT (dialectical behavior training). I already went through skills-training today with my therapist, but I'm also looking for real-world advice on how you stay cool and classy when you want to run away and hide.

Oh, and obviously I feel terribly guilty for having these emotions spring up while I'm in a relationship with someone so terrific. I haven't explained the extent of my old feelings to him, just because I don't think it's necessary to be like, "Hey new guy, right before you and I hooked up, I was totally into Jackass and he rejected me. Now I'm angsty over him and X, do you feel like a rebound yet?"

How does noise affect the autistic mind?

bonsai forest — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 06:20:34 -0800

I understand that noise can become overwhelming rapidly to those in the autism spectrum or with ADD/ADHD syndromes due to increased sensitivities of all the sense perceptions, but I have also heard of research that suggests a certain measure of white noise and some kinds of music can help both ADD and autism spectrum young people focus their brains. I am trying to get a sense of how these two seemingly opposing responses can coexist, and whether the noise helps mask internal brain noise, to stimulate understimulated, low activity regions of the brain, or other explanations for this response.

I am at a standstill. Have a done everything I should??

Anonymous — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 10:00:26 -0800

When I think about the situation, I think I'm doing the right thing. Then why do I feel so bad about it? Okay, this is really long. Please read though, I'd love some solid MeFi advice.

I am female, and have a close female friend. We have known each other since middle school and now attend the same college and live in the same apartment building in the same hallway. Normally, this would be awesome because we have been really great friends for many years, and we normally spend so much time together that people joke we're married. The problem is what happened a few months ago...

We were both studying abroad in adjacent European countries. She was nice enough to invite me to visit her in her city for a long weekend. I really looked forward to the trip, and was very excited to see her when I got there. The problem was when I get there it was like she was a different person. She was very standoffish, often giving my general questions "So how are your classes going?" curt one or two word responses. In public she seemed annoyed of me, and became really angry with me for minor things (e.g. I asked her, at a pastry counter, if she'd tried a particular type. She yelled "I haven't tried any of these, okay!" startling the people around us. She refused to go to out to any restaurants despite my repeated requests, and so I ended up having to make dinner at her apartment every night. The culmination of the strange behavior was her giving me the silent treatment for briefly chatting with my boyfriend on her laptop one evening, even though she had been chatting with hers a few minutes earlier. She was upset because, "you're here to talk to me, not him!"

This is not to say there weren't bright points. Sometimes everything would seem back to normal. We'd laugh talk about mutual friends, make our same jokes, and generally have a really nice time. But I was really uncomfortable the whole time because I didn't know when she would start treating me like a childish nuisance again. For the record, I tried really hard to make she I wasn't being annoying, rude, or demanding. I don't think my behavior merited this treatment at all. When she dropped me off at the entrance to the train to the airport, she quickly said "Hey, sorry, I've been a little weird this weekend. Hope you didn't mind." The problem is, I did still mind. I had a horrible weekend, felt on edge the whole time, and couldn't imagine what I'd done to be treated that way. I was really torn up about it, crying on the phone to my mom, and even having nightmares about being back there. I stalled on what to do, didn't talk to her, and she didn't talk to me for a few weeks. Finally I decided I should write her a letter explaining how I felt, asking for an explanation, and making it clear that I didn't want to be treated that way again. I really wavered on whether this was the right course of action, but read in a number of advice columns that this was.

Out of the blue she sent me a one-line email joking about a guy we both know. I decided that this was the time, and so I responded to the joke, but also added my letter about her behavior, wanting to know if I'd done something, and trying to get an explanation. I had my mom and a close friend proof read the letter to make sure it was polite, non-emotional, and straightforward. And then she never wrote back. Months passed, and even though we'd both be online at the same time in our email system, she never wrote back. I was really hurt, but figured she'd decided we just weren't friends anymore or that I wasn't worth a response or something. I was hurt, and still am, but decided that I should just let things go.

Now school has started. And through chance, we live in the same building in the same hall. I didn't think she was coming back to school, but since we hadn't spoken in months I had no idea. I figured maybe she'd come talk to me, but she never has. We pass each other in the hall, and she always smiles really big and says "Hi!", which I reciprocate, but don't say anything more. My thinking being if she actually wanted to be friends she'd reach out with more than that.

So, its awkward. The worse part though is that we were two friends in a close-knit four-person friend group (part of a larger ten-or-so friend group). No one has ever asked me about the situation, but I can tell they know someone is going on, because they look sheepish if I ask what they did last night and they say hung out with her. I don't want them to stop hanging out with her, but I also don't want them to think I'm ridiculous. I know she has told them her side of things because a close friend said to me "I know about your stupid little feud. You need to get over that." He also mentioned that she "didn't write back to your letter.", so I know she got it. I got really flustered, actually teared up, and said that I think it should stay between the two of us, and that I didn't want to get other people involved.

Bless you if you have read this far. Since then nothing has changed. She sent me a text message a few days ago inviting me to a group get-together at her apartment, but I didn't want her to think that things were okay with us. I told her that unfortunately I was busy, and thanked her for the invite. Okay, so my specific questions.

-Am I wrong for thinking that the ball is in her court, and that if she wants to stay friends its her turn to do something? Should I just drop the whole thing?

-So far I've avoided talking to this about any mutual friends. Everyone only knows her side of the story. I feel like everyone things I'm being ridiculous, but still don't think I should say anything. What say you?

-How can I make this less awkward for everyone? At this point, I have doubts we can be friends, so I just want to move on. Has anyone successfully navigated a similar situation?

Thank you for so much of your time. I eagerly await your advice.

WHo benefits from an over appraised house?

will wait 4 tanjents — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 16:51:59 -0800

Buying my first house: Who benefits from the over appraisal? I have a feeling our house was over appraised and I cannot figure out why this would be done and yes I have googled.

It was appraised for $40,000 more than the selling price.
I am in the United States.
Any information - relevant or not will be most appreciated.

Is our cat in danger of over heating?

firemonkey — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 10:56:07 -0800

We have an apartment with no air conditioning and it's going to be over 80 degrees today. Should I be worried about our indoor cat over heating? We live in SF where it rarely gets above 70 degrees. However, today it's 11AM and it's already 80!!!! Our apartment has no air conditioning, but I have opened all the windows and turned on our one window fan.
I am worried that our cat will over heat. I've made sure she has plenty of water, but I'm still worried. I tried wiping her down with a wet towel (which she did not appreciate at all.) Am I being silly, or should this be a real concern? Is there something else I can do to make sure she doesn't get too hot?

My feetsies are weird.

stray — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 00:08:28 -0800

How can I fix my over-pronation? Someone pointed out to me today that my ankles sag inwards. After looking this up on the internet, looks like I over pronate, and will suffer horrible crippling deformaties in my legs and back as a result, or something.

How do I fix this? If I consciously try to walk more evenly on my feet, with more weight on the outward edge, will they get better? I already do yoga and stretch, but I'm probably not focusing on my legs/feet the way I ought to.

I'm not sure that I can afford to buy orthotics at the moment--are they really the only way to deal with this?

Also, I've seen the exercises in this thread . Frankly, it makes me nervous. Do I have to do all that to fix this?

"I had a great time tonight... now go home"?

Anonymous — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 08:00:43 -0800

After casual sex, what is the etiquette about staying the night? After a hookup a few months ago, I asked the guy if he minded if I slept over because a) it was 2:00 AM, b) as a twenty-something female, I get nervous walking to the subway and back to my apartment alone at that hour, and c) I generally enjoy the post-sex cuddling and sleeping arrangement.

However, the guy seemed taken aback and awkwardly stammered out, "um...well, I guess that would be okay". I felt like an idiot and was too embarrassed to ask again.

Unless I hook up with a neighbor, it's likely that any guy that I sleep with will be at least an hour's subway ride away, especially very early in the morning when the trains are infrequent.

I am very new to this scene, and feel naive. Is it generally expected that the guest goes home right after sex? How can one bring up spending the night without being a burden on the host? Is this generally worked out beforehand?

Over the air HD?

ruwan — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 12:48:55 -0800

HDTV filter: I recently bought a new HDTV with a built-in tuner. When I auto-tune over the air, I receive about 6-8 channels clearly, but none in HD. (Most CBS/FOX/ABC sports and local news are broadcast in HD, but I only seem to get them in non-HD.) Am I doing something wrong or do I have to buy an HDTV antenna from my local Radio Shack (if so which one should I buy?) - The new TV: Samsung LN40A500.
- I know I am not able to receive HDTV through my cable provider (private housing complex), so that's not an issue.
- I am in Westchester County, NY. According to AntennaWeb, there are many over the air HD broadcast stations.