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For my father: FM tuner for iPod? (or just get a Zune?)

thebazilist — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 15:54:43 -0800

Should I get my father an iPod or a Zune (caveat: he wants an FM tuner)? My father's 71st birthday is coming up (tomorrow actually, whoops!).

We've discussed iPods, and he's backed down from them being new-fangled and I've gotten him into the idea. He's pretty tech-savvy (can edit his registry) but he's still old (he returned his Razr because it was too complicated).

We agreed that I would set up his iPod like I have mine set up, to work without iTunes (please spare me the "why don't you like iTunes") and to be able to give and get music from any computer, so that I could preload and he could rip his CDs later.

But, he absolutely must have an FM tuner. I sort of see some different FM-tuner products for the iPod, of varying dubious levels of quality. The Zune has an FM tuner built in.

I'd rather he get the iPod, basically because I'll be doing most (or maybe all) of the legwork and I'm most familiar with it. I also feel like there's a lot on the Zune he won't need -- he won't be going to the Zune store to download music or videos or whatever you can do with it.

My questions: Is there an FM-tuner product for the iPod Classic that would rival the Zune? Or is the Zune better regardless? Will I be able to set up the Zune to use on multiple computers? Thoughts on the learning curve/intuitiveness difference between the two?

Help & online support while caring for an elderly relative with vascular dementia?

mygothlaundry — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 09:09:16 -0800

Two questions, really: specifically, how can I get my aunt with vascular dementia to recognize that she needs help and can no longer live alone? And generally, I'm looking for blogs and support forums on dealing with people with dementia. My 79 year old aunt, who has spent her life being a wonderful, bohemian artist, traveling and living alone all over the world (most recently in NYC) had a debilitating stroke at the end of May that left her with vascular dementia. Vascular dementia is different than Alzheimers on some levels - the progression is not so inevitable; there's more spatial weirdness, etc., but in other ways it's very similar. At any rate, we (meaning my brothers, my mother, who was her sister, and I) moved her down to NC and she lived with my mother for a couple months until my mother died suddenly at the end of August. Since then, we've gone through a lot of changes and things have been wildly unstable, to say the least.

Currently, she is living with me. Physically, she's in pretty good shape for 79 but mentally - well. She comes and goes. Her memory isn't very good; she has absolutely no grasp on numbers of any kind, she is incapable of planning ahead - even for something so simple as a sandwich - she is extremely spatially disoriented and, while there are times you would think she is completely cogent and fine, there are other times when she makes very little sense. Unfortunately, she doesn't recognize this. She insists that there is nothing wrong with her and that there is no reason why she can't live alone in her house.

Using her money and with her consent, we bought her a small house in my neighborhood with the plan to move her into it with a caregiver. We did this knowing that she would hate being in an assisted living facility and because this option seemed cheaper over the long run. We don't have guardianship of her or anything like that - just financial power of attorney which has already proven to be a total hassle since she's incapable of distinguishing between 5 cents, 5 dollars, 500 dollars and so on but not of arguing about it.

She is now refusing a caregiver, refusing any help, demanding to be moved into the house by herself, refusing to consider building onto the house to make it more accessible for a caregiver and on and on. She will look me right in the face and swear up and down that she can cook for herself, bathe herself and so on when I know for a fact (because I've been doing it) that this is simply and absolutely not true. I have to handle her medications, make her meals, get her to change her clothes and, well, the list goes on. She is not capable of using a phone - most of the time, but then she has clear moments - and it's unlikely that she would respond to a smoke alarm. There was a scary episode this summer when a smoke alarm went off and she simply failed to notice it. It's like there's a stimulus/response thing missing in her brain. Along with all the other stuff that goes missing sometimes, like my name and how to find the front door. Sigh.

I've bought a book and I'm reading it, although it hasn't, so far, been very helpful. We tried taking her to a neuropsychologist who was supposed to explain to her that she needed, basically, assisted living and that went over like a lead balloon, which is to say that she agreed with him fine while we were all in there but within two days she decided he was an idiot and there was nothing wrong with her. Coincidentally, I just got off the phone with an occupational therapist who basically reiterated everything I've just written: she shouldn't live alone and she refuses to recognize that.

At this point I'm really tempted to just take her over to her house and say good luck but I'm terrified to do that - she really wouldn't be safe. Has anyone else gone through this? How did you get your relative to accept the help they need? Should I take her to her house, put minimum help in place - the part time caregiver we've had for some months (who she's currently refusing to pay and claiming is no good,) the physical and occupational therapists who come by intermittently and my brother and I twice a day with meds and food - and hope for the best? You would think that a couple of days of that would show her she needed help but that would mean she was thinking rationally - and she's not, most of the time.

And, for the second part of my question, are there blogs & forums out there where other people are going through this? I've seen the NYT eldercare blogs but I'm looking more for just basic, day to day blogs - an eldercare version of the mommyblog community, if such a thing exists. All my googling seems just to lead me to sites where people have things to sell but that's not what I'm looking for. I want to talk to other people in the same boat I'm in - there must be some.

I did read this question and yes, I recognize the similarities, but I'm hoping for more specific answers.

How can I tolerate gatherings more?

arniec — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 09:51:42 -0800

With the holidays coming I find my inability to tolerate some family members and listen to the inane chatter that fills the room. I am often visually unhappy about the situation. How can I tolerate such gatherings in a way that at least makes it appear I'm not so unhappy? (Bonus points if I'm ACTUALLY not so unhappy). Let me start by saying I am not generally anti-social. I have been called "life of the party" a few times, though my personality does tend to be more introverted than extroverted. However, I've finally pinpointed something--I really only do well in social situations with people where there are things in common, things to talk about, and usually with people within 10 years of my own age.

If I am with friends or even people I don't know who are generally in my age range I am able to be social, have congenial conversation, and enjoy myself in the process. I find myself able to discuss literature, history, current events, food, movies, music, pop culture, video games, human relations, etc. all fairly easily and I have true interest in those discussions so I am engaged and enjoy myself in those situations.

But if you remove those topics I find myself unable to engage in conversation. I know nothing of sports and can only take so much of hearing about people's kids or the trivialities of their jobs.

In business gatherings I can usually chime in when conversations reach topics I know of, or am interested in, be silent during sports or children conversations, and usually enough work is discussed to keep things moving along amicably.

I am not so lucky when dealing with my in-laws and my elderly relatives.

They are hard core conservatives in life and politics, and my wife and I are very liberal people, so discussing politics, social situations, etc. is upsetting to all involved (dinners were tense during the Obama campaign let me tell you). None of our family really follows the news, nor do they enjoy any of the same leisures in life that we enjoy (reading, movies, television, video games).

I am not judging them, but we are just all very different people, and truthfully not very interested in each other's daily mundane lives. Rarely does anything occur (a birth, a death, a job change) that prompts true conversation leaving us with just idle chit chat. While we all travel for various purposes, such discussion of the trips usually are less than 10 minutes long. As we all live in the same city we see each other at least twice or more a month, meaning there isn't time to build up a reserve of topics for the next gathering and there isn't much to talk about.

Yet talk they do. I hear uninteresting stories about people I've never met and will likely never meet, such as my Mother-In-Law's coworker situations or my Godmother's grandniece. If the stories were truly interesting then I might be engaged, but it's usually along the lines of "so-and-so is now entering the 5th grade. She's really smart for her age. The braces come off soon.", and since I've never met these people I don't care. And I'm not good at faking it.

Likewise, they do not care to hear much about our lives. While we can discuss work, we know it is not interesting to other people if we tell the minutia of our day to day routines (yet they are not so considerate to not bore us with the minutia of their routines). More, our biggest hobbies are not shared, and due to ours being generational specific (toy collecting, video games) they are often met with condescension by this AARP enrolled crowd. After a few subtle jabs at our maturity, still playing video games in our 30s, we have ceased bringing up anything about our leisure activities, glossing over the aspects of our life that they frown upon.

This leaves us with nothing to discuss.

After about 45 minutes of being around these people, feeling on stage, struggling to find anything to talk about, my demeanor starts to worsen. During the first of two Thanksgiving gatherings this past weekend, on the first we were the last to arrive and, 2.5 hours later, the first to leave. On the second, which we hosted, after 3.5 hours I just had to excuse myself and go lay down.

Liquor doesn't help, it actually makes me LESS tolerant.

What can I do to be more amicable and a better host in these situations? Or more importantly, is there any way I can actually enjoy these get-togethers with people where I have nothing in common to discuss?

Can a computer/the internet SAVE my analog grandparents money?

mhuckaba — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 14:42:06 -0800

How can two elderly people SAVE money by switching from a disconnected, analog lifestyle, to a connected, digital lifestyle? My grandparents live in the 1980's (they still have an 8-track and use an antenna for their TV). They're not financially challenged, they're just unmotivated and anti-change and extremely anti-social. They've begun purchasing newer consumer electronics (DVD's, CD's, pay-as-you-go cellphones), and I think they could benefit from having a computer. While I think this benefit would be mostly related to quality of life, I'd have to sell it to them financially. It would be good for my grandmother to connect to her sister, as they do not travel at all, and it would help my grandfather to stay more mentally stimulated. Plus they could shop online more instead of having to drive.

Please give me some ideas as to how they could benefit, financially, from having a computer and the internet. Assume they're getting the computer for free, the internet costs $20/mo, they have no cable, a landline without call waiting. I'm guessing much of the gain would be related to saving gas, and price comparison shopping, such as on prescription drugs, appliances, insurance, and banking.

Internet 101 for someone over the age of 8.

giraffe — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 12:52:36 -0800

Internet safety for beginners. Where do I find a simple guide to print out for my techno-phobe father? My father keeps getting Trojans on his work computer, and I can't seem to figure out what he is doing. I set him up with Firefox and Noscript. The OS and anti-virus are up to date. We use a firewall. I run Spybot whenever I can distract him for a little bit of time. I can't watch over his shoulder all day -- we're supposed to be working, after all!

So I suspect he's just doing some good old fashioned bad browsing. Unfortunately, I am a terrible teacher and I have no patience. Can you direct me to a guide to safe browsing that a 64-year-old computer-phobe would understand?

Serious bonus points if it comes in printer-friendly format. "I can't read it on the screen!" for any text longer than a paragraph is a big complaint around here.

Help the Old People Blog

tkchrist — Sun, 23 Dec 2007 21:17:11 -0800

I gifted my family a Wordpress blog (it's all up and designed and everything). I want a virtual center for our family that now spans the globe and can't get together often. However, how can I get the older coots to not only understand WHAT a blog is but how to use it. They use the interwebs. But only to look up the goofy stuff old people like - like when Murder She Wrote is on. Or to hate on George Bush. But not so much to interact. More inside. So I've been looking for an online resource about the Wordpress UI that is NOT geek centered. I have not been successful. Ideal would be an online tutorial featuring a video. Something old people friendly on how to use the UI.

Also. How can I get them to post once I convince them the Blog technology is not an obstacle. My parents have amazing stories to tell (my father was a Journalism major in college but joined the Green Berets instead and served THREE combat tours in Vietnam). They have had a fantastic and interesting life. I want them to share it as time is running out. My wife suggested a story contest. But I figure the young-uns (my nephews) will steal that one.

Any ideas?

old people + radiation = disturbing graphic novel

changeling — Fri, 15 Dec 2006 11:17:50 -0800

Help me find the name of a graphic novel, in which a naive elderly couple deal with the aftermath of an atomic bomb. . . I found it in the bookshelf of my Science Fiction/Fantasy Writing professor a few years ago. The art was very cartoonish, I remember.

A bomb went off somewhere, and this elderly couple was terribly naive when it came to radiation and fallout--- like drinking water with ash in it from the fireplace. Or is that from Children of the Dust? I remember further along they grew thin, and their hair fell out. . . Obviously, a disturbing book. But it's been nagging at me for years. Anyone?

Old people = large ears/noses?

jckll — Wed, 20 Sep 2006 09:25:39 -0800

Are old people's (particularly men's) ears and noses as large as they seem? Or is it some sort of age-based illusion? And if my eyes do not deceive me, why are they that way? I seem to notice that lots and lots of old people--particularly men, as mentioned above--have quite large ears and noses. It seems that many other people have noticed this as well. Is this actually the case, and if so, is it as common as it seems, and what causes it? Are we talking just an increase in droopiness (i.e. old flesh gets saggy with time) or are these two organs really just growing at a rate that outpaces everything else?

This is on my list of life's most important and curious questions. Please enlighten me! With proof if possible!

What do I get my grandma?

Gucky — Thu, 27 Jul 2006 11:33:39 -0800

Good gifts for a loveable curmudgeon? It's my grandmother's birthday -- I believe she's in her early 80s -- and I haven't a clue what to get her.

She hates technology. (The DVD player I got her collects dust on the top shelf.) She can't have anything edible, as she's on a restricted diet. She doesn't go out, except to bowl and drink with her friends (despite the restricted diet). (And yes, I've given them everything vaguely related to bowling over the years.)

From what I can tell, she and her husband sit around, drink, smoke and sleep. She doesn't wear anything but polyester jogging suits. If she gets jewelry, she claims we're just giving her stuff to get back once she dies.

I gave her a blank book and a bunch of books on writing a memoir for Christmas. She couldn't have been more annoyed. "What? I have to do work?"

I used to get her lots of interesting books, but I've worn out all my approachable favorites (John Irving, Tom Robbins) and my new favorites (Umberto Eco, graphic novels) aren't her cup of tea. Also, I don't think she's willing to spend the mental energy to follow anything but fluff these days.

It can't be experiential, as I'm only in town for long enough to stop in and say hi (and when I am with her, all she wants to talk about is when I'll get married and then the conversation goes dead). She's got all the pictures of her great grandaughter that she can stomach.

She used to be a fun, artistic, amazing woman, but age and giving up on life have kinda taken that away. But I still love her so I'd like to get her something that demonstrates that. And yes, she's the kind of lady that needs dramatic demonstrations.

blue hairs

pieoverdone — Sun, 05 Jun 2005 15:32:16 -0800

Why do old women all have the same curled, shellacked, dandelion puffball hairstyle? It seems no matter what the current style is for younger people, or popular style from their own youth, they end up with that.