Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with officepolitics

Have to face my boss tomorrow; reported her to internal auditing today

tulip-socks — Mon, 11 Mar 2013 19:26:06 -0800

I am a temp employee in a very small office. Obviously I can't comfortably say what kind. My boss made a dangerous error Friday, repeated the error today and then covered up both errors, in front of me, and not giving me any plausible deniability of knowin what she was doing. I reported this over her head and am now nervous about handling the fallout. I called our internal auditor and emailed a brief factual description of the problem. No emotion or blame. I sandwiched it between 'I need training on our official corporate policy for dealing with these things when they happen.'

Not only were the mistakes dangerous (in the medium term, to one specific individual), they would constitute fraud and both lf us would be prosecutable.

A few weeks ago the same boss handled another employee's mistake poorly and then chastised me for....calling our auditor. (that one was medium level - signing off as witnessing things before they happened. The latest is more serious.)

The auditor has told me I did the right thing, should always err on the side of reporting, and thanked me. But there is nobody else at work who could possibly know about this error (and definitely not about the coverup). Recall that I am not a permanent employee.

Hive mind, please help me brainstorm what I should say tomorrow if/when boss confronts me. I need to be unapologetic, yet sympathetic. I may need to defuse anger, and not become angry myself.

Bonus round: I need to deal with some internal shame that I didn't try to stop her from covering up.

How to address a co-worker shamelessly pushing her home business at work?

Serendipitous — Fri, 22 Jun 2012 11:56:45 -0800

I'm looking for advice on how to tell a nice, but shameless coworker who keeps trying to sell everyone her "super juice" product that she really needs to stop. So one of my coworkers is very deply involved with a pyramid scheme company who sells a "super juice" product (and now various other associated bars and shake powders) for about $40 a bottle (which lasts 1 week).

Two people in our office actually sell it; but the other is not pushy, shameless, obnoxious, or relentless about pushing the product like the woman I'm concerned with.

Her obsession with this product and her attempts to push it on her fellow co-workers, guests, and basically anyone who walks into the office, is causing some really negative effects:

Everyone is hesitant to talk to her because she will fit a sales pitch into any conversation. For example, in the midst of a staff meeting she saw a bottle displayed in a promotional picture and suggested her product be placed there.

People who used to enjoy having lunch with her really hate having to do it now, but continue for fear of offending her.

Her co-workers are embarassed when we have guests or visitors to the office because they always get the pitch.

A few recent examples:

A staff member was leaving and coming around to say her goodbyes - she was given a last attempt sales pitch and some pamphlets on her teary way out the door. This person was going to medical school and has a huge loan - I doubt she can afford this juice.

A new staff member is training under this woman. Her 2nd day here she got the pitch, which a lot of us found really awful since the woman may feel pressure since it's a "supervisor" situation. This person is also on a contract, which means she took a contract job - probably because she needs the money, and it's kinda rude to push a $40/week juice habit on her.

A former staff member came back to visit and was cornered and pitched to - we were all so embarassed because we don't think he'll visit again now to avoid her.

I don't really want to talk to the supervisor about this, though several staff members have talked about doing it. But I'm really not sure how to address this woman about this whole thing without offending her. I don't even know if I talk to her that she will see reason.

She just seems absolutely shameless in her sales pitches and it's really starting to offend others in the office.

Should I even try? Any suggestions?

You're not fired... yet.

toerinishuman — Sat, 12 May 2012 04:32:49 -0800

Being scapegoated at work in an already toxic environment. I've been back in the office a week after working remotely for a few months. I took a week off to move, during which my supervisor and CEO went to a meeting with our consulting company. Before I left, I discussed over the phone and via emails issues I was having with the consulting company; specifically, that the work they were giving me was incredibly time-consuming because most of the data was unusable.

Yesterday, I was brought into a meeting with the CEO and my supervisor, where I was told that I was a terrible employee, it was 'obvious to everyone' that I'm 'just coasting,' I don't have even 'basic work skills,' I'm too stupid for my job, and I shouldn't have been hired. From the discussion I gleamed my supervisor has been lying to the CEO about my work and her knowledge of it, my supervisor's supervisor has been blaming me for her errors, and the consulting company is claiming I haven't done any work for them (possibly to get out of getting in trouble?).

The problem I'm having is I'm not sure whether this is other people using me because I wasn't there to defend myself, or if it's because they've realised they can get an intern to do my job for free and they're laying the foundation for firing me. (They interviewed a potential intern Wednesday. She couldn't do the technical part of my job, but she could do the editorial things.)

My work has always been extremely toxic; I've never, not even on my first day, felt good about my job. I was really misled about it when I accepted it, and its description has changed about 4 times since I started 9 months ago. Another thing I was berated for was for not 'living' for this job -- and I was told that since I'm not interested in making it my life, I should be in the office for 2+ hours than what's in my contract, and my commute is already an hour.

I'm really only interested in keeping this job until I can get another one, but I don't want just any other job -- that's what got me into this mess to begin with.

My first question is whether or not it's worth it to fight this, given that my supervisor is my CEO's right hand and favourite, and that I want to leave? Or if it's better to make sure my CEO is CC'd on all my emails so no one can argue later that I didn't do my job? If I do fight this, how do I do it without coming off as defensive? How do I request a one-on-one with my CEO without my supervisor without her getting suspicious?

This is a small company of about 10 people, and we don't have an HR department. We're based in the UK.

Where's that file again?

otherwordlyglow — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 16:52:15 -0800

Are there best practices for cataloging/storing files on a shared drive within an office environment? I work in a department with about 15 people in a huge institution. For our Word, Excel, Access, and PowerPoint files (general office stuff), we all store documents on a central drive, accessible to all of us through the standard Windows Explorer arrangement.

Each of us has projects that are specific to our role but we also collaborate on some projects and they can be projects with a life of anywhere from 2 weeks to 20+ years. Each of us has a folder at the top level of the central drive and we all have total control over the structure and contents of the subfolders within our own folder. Although there are a few things that get stored under a central top-level folder that we all contribute to, the vast majority of our work is stored in our own folders on the central drive even if it's something that more than one of us works on.

Our central drive is called J:\ So for example Kate and I work on Project A. She maintains a file for Project A under J:\Kate\Project A but I may store my stuff under J:\OWG\ProjectA and my folders within ProjectA may be of a totally different structure than hers under Project A.

I believe that the drive is backed up nightly but I really don't know much more about the back end or the technical infrastructure.

Obviously, I find this kind of maddening and it makes it really hard to maintain continuity if Kate is out and I need something that she worked on related to Project A. And then if Kate leaves the institution, it's nearly impossible to go back and find stuff even a year later when no one remembers who did what.

The question of how to name files is a different matter. Version control isn't a concern and we need to keep things simple so no SharePoint or other file management stuff. We do have central physical/paper files and they use an entirely different classification scheme that some consultant developed for us years ago and it doesn't really work either and needs to be entirely scrapped so that it mirrors, to the extent possible, the digital files.

For now, I'm trying to convince people to let go of some of the control over how "their" files are stored so that workflow isn't brought to standstill whenever anyone goes on vacation and institutional memory is preserved. How do other offices do this?

Office politics for dummies

Anonymous — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 20:51:03 -0800

How do I position myself for an internal job change when no job has been posted? I've been at my job for about a year and a half. During this time, I've taken every opportunity to get experience in an area that will be a major growth area for my industry, but is a little underresourced at present. I have also told my immediate manager that I am interested in taking on more responsibilities in that area.

I work in a small division of a much larger public company. The management tends to be very hierarchical and secretive. Rank-and-file pretty much never know about changes before they happen (good or bad), and there's little cross-communication between departments.

Today I heard a rumor that management is planning to add one (or more) positions in the area I'm interested in. The new position(s) would be in a different department, under a VP who I've never spoken to, although I've worked quite a bit with several other members of the department.

I also heard that they are talking to a former employee (the previous incumbent of my job, actually) about coming back to work in this area.

No positions have been posted, internally or externally.

How do I make sure I get a decent chance at one of these positions? My boss's boss likely has some influence, or I could go to the other department's VP directly, although I don't know her. (Not helping is that I tend not to be very confident with upper-management types. They're always so difficult to catch in their offices, for one thing!)

My direct boss and I are not the closest. I get decent reviews, but I don't think I could count on her to advocate for me. I think she'd be more concerned about disruption in her department.

I know I need to come straight out and tell someone I want one of these jobs, but who do I talk to and how?

Advice, strategies, pep talks welcome.

Should I ask about switching departments?

Anonymous — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 19:59:40 -0800

Fairly recent hire interested in transferring departments, but it's not a sure thing. Will I burn bridges by inquiring? My company has divisions for A and B. I was hired to do A but I'm actually more interested in B. I've worked in the A department for a little while, but not long enough to learn all the skills that would make me highly effective and valuable.

Now at least one position is open in department B. I'm not 100% qualified on paper but I'd like to at least ask if there might be a place for me. Problem is, I don't want to seem like I'm disloyal or jumping ship. My position in A is unique, so I'd have to stay until they find and train a replacement.

Should I talk to the boss of department B, or hold back and prove myself some more until another opportunity comes up? Since I'm not a sure thing for department B, I could end up in the same place but with a boss who thinks I'm disloyal. On the other hand, I feel like I'd be passing up a good opportunity if I don't mention it.

Should I ask my employer to sponsor my attendance at a professional conference?

limon — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 07:19:34 -0800

As a junior programmer at a tech startup, how do I tactfully approach my employer about sponsoring my attendance at a professional conference? Is that a common request to make? The conference is PyCon and we're a Python shop, so the skills I'd acquire if I were to go would be useful for my work. I'm prepared to pay to attend out of my own pocket, but if it's standard practice to have these sorts of things paid for, than yeah, it'd be nice to save a few hundred dollars. But it's important for me to avoid appearing greedy.

Should I Stay or Should I Go? (The Work Version)

floweredfish — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 09:59:28 -0800

Please help me with this work situation: stay at old job or take new job? I've been at my current job for a year and a half. I like the company for the most part, but my immediate Department's environment is challenging, mostly because my boss (who is the head of our Department) is located halfway across the country in his home office. I feel like his communication style can be difficult as well - he can be vague at times about things, goes for stretches without updating his calendar, etc. and then nitpicks about trivial things when major things are falling off the radar because they require his signature/approval. I try to keep a task list and on top of the emails, but it's really tough at times. I have scheduled 1:1 meetings with him and talk to him during the day as well which has been helping me prioritize, but it's draining.

I've been struggling with working in this environment for awhile. I'm generally on top of my work, but sometimes get rather demotivated. I also have the option to work at home, which I find hard to handle because I think I do better with the structure of an office, but in my physical office it's still unstructured because of the virtual nature of the enviornment.

Anyway, a few weeks ago, my boss was in the office and gave me a scary lecture on how I need to essentially step up to the plate and do a better job. This has created quite a bit of anxiety for me lately. Although since that talk I got a fair end of year review and he even commented that he's noticed a difference, I'm still paranoid.

Meanwhile, this triggered me to put the feelers out. I went on a few interviews and was offered a new job, doing essentially the same thing at a new company with a 10 minute shorter commute for $5k less (which I'm ok with, I negotiated them to this actually, and they have better benefits). I accepted the new job and would be starting in a few weeks. I provided them with the signed offer letter and have a start date scheduled.

I haven't given my notice yet at my current job and this is where I need help. For whatever reason, I cannot bring myself to let go and pull the ripcord. I like my current company and feel like I'd be giving up. I've changed jobs a few times in the past and my ultimate goal is to settle in and stay with a company for awhile so that when it gets time to get married/maybe have kids, I'll have a stable work/life balance. I'm nervous to quit my current job and take the new job - it will be all new adjustments to the work, people, could be longer hours/more face-time, etc. I'm nervous to stay at my current job and politely decline the new job and then get pushed out of my current job or let go over something stupid.

I feel lost. I don't want to give up on my current job. I don't know how to communicate any of this to my boss as an option, because I don't want to further create drama with our boss-employee relationship and it feels like he already has trust issues towards me. I considered using new job as leverage at old job, but can't even decide on whether it's worth it.

Help?

Sink or swim taken a bit too literally in the workplace

psycheslamp — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 17:45:04 -0800

Senior managers are asking a coworker of mine to take on new responsibilities. The catch: they won't tell her exactly what those responsibilities are, or how to complete them. Is this as unreasonable as I think it is, and what can I do to help? Obviously, more inside. I have a coworker I'll call Sarah. I used to directly supervise Sarah until I moved across the country and into a new role. Now, Sarah and I are working together on a new project, that Sarah is being asked to project manage it. The catch: she's never done project management before.

She's struggling, and I spoke to our mutual boss, who explained that this is a "test" for Sarah...can she show the initiative to figure out how to be a project manager on her own? Sarah is a very capable employee who is excellent within her assigned responsibilities, but isn't the sort of curious, self-directed person who would just go teach herself project management.

I care for two reasons: first, because the more I think about it, the more I feel uncomfortable with the situation Sarah has been put in. I have trouble believing this is really best practices for nurturing employee growth. Second, I care because I seem to be expected to pick up the pieces when Sarah runs into difficulty in her new role. I haven't been trained in project management either, but I am the sort of person who went and learned the rudiments on my own when the assigned manager on a previous project quit and wasn't replaced.

Escalating to my boss' boss is an option, but while this woman respects the quality of Sarah's work, she has never particularly liked her on a personal level. I also spoke to the person in charge of the project management team within our company - it seems that basically his team is overworked, he expressed that, and anything else that happens isn't his problem, in his view of the world.

My instinct at this point is to start kicking up a fuss on Sarah's behalf. I'm not worried about the costs to my own position to doing so...it may irritate people, but my role is pretty critical and lasting repercussions are unlikely.

Is this a good idea? Am I being overprotective of Sarah? Should I let her navigate this situation on her own? And what can I do that would potentially help Sarah get more formal training in her new role?

How do you deal with an obviously inferior candidate winning a promotion?

troubadour — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 00:02:48 -0800

How do you deal with an obviously inferior candidate winning a promotion? Am I whining? Am I worried about nothing? Do I care too much about my work being a mostly pleasant place to be 40 hours a week? I'm not sure what to think or how to feel. Thoughts? Advice? Thanks in advance. This guy is nearly unanimously disliked by his peers, complains about work, hates dealing with customers (retail environment), and is straight up rude and passive aggressive. Somehow he ranked higher than candidates with better attitudes, better skills, and fewer downsides. (They don't come to work hungover!) He may soon be one of my bosses.

They were all inside candidates, so I have worked with all of them, know them personally, and reviewed their applications even though I was not on the hiring panel.

I am totally baffled and wonder if/how to bring this up. I see it as a huge mistake that will drag down morale, which is something I really care about, and that he may have said he cares about on paper and in an interview, but is totally incompatible with his approach to pretty much everything.

It doesn't appear to be any kind of favoritism, as they really seem to think he is the best candidate. Yet, all I can think of is how hard they've been gamed, and how stupid they must be to not be able to see that, which is a terrible attitude for me to have, but I can't help it.

Full disclosure: I went out for this position and was denied. However, I don't mind not getting it, as long as someone who clearly should get it does. This guy is not that. I have my own set of downsides, but as far as I know they hardly compare.

Never be friends with your boss?

Anonymous — Sat, 16 Apr 2011 16:24:00 -0800

My friend is now my boss. How does our friendship change? Jane Doe and I met at work in Sept. 2010; both of us were new hires. She came a week after me. Due to same ages and places in life, we gradually became friends; when possible (our work is repetitive, hands on work, somewhat technical) we work together whenever possible (doing the same set of tasks), ate lunch together, chatted, bitched about work together. She's came over to my place, we've double dated, cried to each other about boyfriend woes, hung out one on one, text each other frequently. I was out sick two days this week and she checked in on me every day via text and phone calls. I dunno about BFF, but we're reasonably close.

My team lead is changing teams, and the remainder of the team (Jane, me, two others) all applied for the opening. Jane was probably the least likely of the candidates, since she was a (very long lasting) temp while the rest of us have achieved permanent staff status (I achieved this about 1.5 months ago). Both of us thought we didn't have a chance in hell and either "Denise" or "Charlene" would get it, probably Denise, because of the huge amount of seniority she has.

Well, my manager pulled me aside today and informed me that the race actually came down to between me and Jane, and she just barely edged me out by having slightly more leadership experience. (He did not elucidate about what disqualified Charlene and Denise, although he did roundabout-ly say something about high-stress personalities not suitable for leadership which I'm fairly sure was for Denise).

I don't mind very much, surprisingly; I expected Denise would get the position, so the fact that I didn't...doesn't bother me. I'm surprised that Jane got the position when I technically had the permanent staff status over her (something which management had previously said would matter) and we're so similar otherwise, but if that leadership experience of hers matters, then sure. But I think this decision would upset Denise and Charlene, who are both older and more experienced at the job than Jane and I (Denise has been here nearly two years, Charlene about 9 months, plus another year at a different branch of the same company). And, well, Jane's my friend, I want to support my friend; I suspect this transition will be hard on her (it would be hard on me if I got the job)...but at the same time, she's my boss. You shouldn't get too close to bosses, right? Rumours about favourtism and all that?

How do friendships change once they become senior to you at work? Should I give her advice if she asks? Should I shut up and stay out of her way and let her handle her management personality? Something else? Should we keep hanging out and talking, in or out of work?

How fortuitous. Now get out of my sandbox.

fanta_orange — Tue, 22 Mar 2011 21:36:33 -0800

My boss recently hired a former coworker for an open position in the department. This person will be working on many of the same tasks and projects as I am. He was both well-liked and skilled at the job when he left years ago, and I am afraid that he's going to come back and completely outshine me. How can I handle this situation professionally? Back in the day, 10 years ago, my former colleague Mike and I worked in low level tech support jobs in the same group. We were in our early 20s, in a group of other young folks. (I am female.) Mike was slightly senior to me, and actually trained me on many of the tasks we did. After a year, he left the job in order to move to another city.

Since then, I've continued to work for the same boss, rising in the ranks and getting multiple promotions. Now I manage the development of the software that we used to support. I'm generally considered the expert in the group (there are 10 of us, various ages and experience levels and job grades, but all on the same level of the org chart). I am assigned to the highest-level projects. My boss consults with me on lots of things, including HR matters, and often says he would recommend me for his position when he retires in a few years.

So, a job opened up in the group, and Mike happened to apply for it. He's moving back to town with his family and happened to hear of the posting. It turns out that he's been doing software development all this time too, in a different market sector. We interviewed him, he dazzled the audience with a presentation on his software development process, and now he's being hired.

Mike is an awesome guy. He is a natural leader, he's smart, and has gained alot of insight and skill over the years. I think that's an asset to the company. But, it sets me up to get pushed aside, possibly. The rest of the group had a bit of stars in their eyes when we discussed who to offer the job to ( and some of these people never worked with him). They were excited to hire him to get our processes straightened out - many processes that either I developed, or that I've been saying are broken but no one wants to fix.

I feel like he's going to be the new wunderkind and I'll be yesterday's news. Worse, that he's being hired to do my job, or that I won't have my boss's ear anymore.

So, what do I do? I considered talking to my boss (who's very approachable), to let him know that I want to have a say in the direction of the group and the future of our software development efforts. But I feel threatened and I don't want to feel that way. What are some tips you would have for handling this situation? How can I support Mike as he comes back on board while also protecting myself and my position? Should I talk to my boss?

This is a sock puppet account, which is why there is no posting history.

Using speech recognition in an open-plan office?

Anonymous — Wed, 16 Feb 2011 13:54:04 -0800

I have a medical condition that is making it more difficult for me to type, due to muscle pain. So, I am thinking of trying a speech recognition app like Dragon Dictate. The problem is that I am in an open plan office, and I am concerned that it might not work with background noise and me whispering so as to not annoy my neighbors. So, has anyone used a speech recognition app in a more noisy, open plan environment and can comment on how well it works or does not work?

I grew up. Help me prove it.

Anonymous — Fri, 28 Jan 2011 16:53:22 -0800

I'm going back to a job I hated, and want to get along better this time around. Seeking mind-hacks, specific behaviors, or little tasks that I can consciously do throughout the day- anything to make it feel like a new environment, and help me adjust my behavior. I had a job for a few years that I didn't really like. The work itself was a pretty good fit, but I found the company standards frustratingly sloppy, and in general I felt negative and "stuck" a lot while I was there, and irritated with coworkers. In short, I was bit of a jerk- often for understandable reasons, but I should have been more positive and pleasant and I take full responsibility for that. I know other people were kind of sick of me, and I gradually drifted away from all the socializing that happened there.

I don't work there any more, and these days I feel like a happier, more positive, more easygoing person who's better at giving people the benefit of the doubt and caring more about people than "rightness".

I get asked back to that workplace occasionally on short projects, and whenever it happens, I fall into some of my old behavior patterns- I'm more quiet, critical, or cooly professional than I want to be, and I feel a bit like a sullen teenager. Sometimes I feel the same way hanging out with relatives, as though I'm stuck in my old behavior/dynamics and can't act like the real me. On the other hand, it feels fake to be really smiley and happy. I know there's a happy medium but I can't seem to find it. I've just been asked back for another short contract, and this time I'd like to come in feeling like it's a fresh start. One more complicating factor: I'm in a project-manager kind of position where part of my job is telling others what to do in a very fast-paced environment, so it's not an inherently friendly position.

Examples of the kind of tips I'm looking for:
Dress better than I used to when I worked there, so I feel more professional and project a more mature air.
Ask people about their weekends/hobbies/etc, and avoid talking about myself.
Listen to happy music on the way there to improve my mood.
Come early to spend a little social time before the real work starts.
Bring in a treat for the office, like cookies or donuts or something.
More?

It's time for your quarterly new boss

Anonymous — Thu, 27 Jan 2011 13:44:02 -0800

New boss, reorg after way too much chaos. How do I stay unemotional/not bitter? And keep from freaking out? And keep my job? I have a new boss. This is boss #4 for me in the last 2.5 years, with a larger department that's been in serious chaos.

My department is running well, I'm always in budget, my reviews have been stellar, but I've been working under the promises/reassurance that it would all be better soon.

However, my new boss (over the larger structure my team fits under) appears to have gotten no briefing on any of his report teams--the history, the structure, the accomplishments. There doesn't appear to be any acknowledgment of the larger structural issues that have led to hideous conflicts in the past. My parallel coworkers are either in backstab or neurose (or both) mode, ready to throw each other (and me) under the bus to try to get attention from the new boss. And at the same time, my HR rep has changed as well so I don't have anyone who knows me well supporting my boss in that avenue either.

So after a pretty tough go of things--I've worked very hard and dealt with some emotional damage from at least one truly terrible boss--I honestly can't work up the care to do the ass-kiss once again. I don't have the emotional patience to take yet another person through the strategy without a new plan or vision. I don't appreciate the new boss's well meaning, but oh-my-god-is-this-going-to-be-awful, team building and "how would you structure the team" meetings.

Logically, I know I should be honest, do the work, not worry about my coworkers' feelings, put forward suggestions that are proactive and start from scratch with an open mind and a hopeful heart.

But emotionally, I'm disheartened and bitter. I love the company, but I feel betrayed by getting another boss who doesn't have the company resources or political muscle to make necessary changes. I'm reluctant to be honest and say that some of the people I'm working with, and like as people, don't really fit together and are redundant. I certainly wouldn't want to report to any of them. And I just don't have the personality or energy right now to make a power play to try to be their boss, either.

I'm upper middle management. The larger company is amazing, but oddly structured. I don't have a close enough relationship with the exec staff that I have a high powered ally enough to be protected. My results are good, but hard to quantify beyond the basic metrics of efficiency and the satisfaction of the other groups that work with us.

I need the money and the benefits, so I can't just quit. Also, after building my functions almost from scratch and accomplishing everything I have, I'm not ready to walk away from it if I can somehow push through this.

tldr; I'm bitter about having yet another new boss. How do I emotionally deal with a toxic situation and get myself "reinvigorated" about doing all the same stuff all over again? And how do I fake being positive and proactive so I don't get demoted/reorged out?

Sometimes earlier, at about 3pm.

Anonymous — Wed, 22 Dec 2010 08:45:50 -0800

How can I tell the coworker I share an office with that he has terrible, terrible foot odor? Important info:

We are not really friendly. Polite, but not really friendly (to be honest, he drives me crazy - he's sort of a rough and tumble type, thinks guns are cool, makes wierd comments about women and I am nothing like any of that). I share the office with him and one other person, who I get along with a bit better, although we don't talk that much and don't take lunch together.

I would like to say something, but I also don't want to create a bad situation here. So, so far (a full year) I have said nothing.

Human interest: the odor usually peaks at about 4pm, and is when I can smell it from my desk, instead of just when I am near him.

To gift or not to gift?

superfluousm — Wed, 08 Dec 2010 08:36:17 -0800

Etiquette filter: Found out my boss at my new job gives members of her team fairly generous holiday gifts. Is it appropriate for me to reciprocate with a smaller token of appreciation, or will that seem suck-uppy? I started a new job I like a lot 3 months ago. My team is small, with only two employees and our awesome direct supervisor.

Yesterday afternoon, Supervisor and I were on location waiting for a meeting to end and killing time at a nearby outdoor market. She found and purchased a great gift for our other team member, which is how I found out she traditionally buys very nice gifts for her team at the end of the year. She hastened to add that it was not expected that the gifting be reciprocated and that it was a token of her appreciation. But given that she's awesome and we're friendly, I'd like to reciprocate.

I think other team member will be giving her a small gift, too, so what I'd like to do is go back to the holiday market and buy a pair of earrings we both admired yesterday. They were inexpensive and I'd give them with a nice holiday card saying how I enjoy working with her.

Other possibly relevant facts: I'm a girl, too, so this wouldn't be a guy buying his female boss jewelry. We work for a nonprofit with a casual office environment - people chat about their lives and go out to happy hour, significant others have met coworkers, etc. She has a collaborative and friendly management style. She's about 7 years older than I am.

Can I give her the gift even though she said there was no need for reciprocation, or will it seem weird since I started the job so recently? Will it seem like I'm sucking up to her? Should I pick another gift/stick with a card? Am I overthinking this?

Office politics make me want to vomit.

Anonymous — Wed, 10 Nov 2010 09:47:11 -0800

A coworker with whom I only occasionally interact gave another coworker a very ambiguous yet relatively serious performance-related warning to give to me as a "heads up." To my self-knowledge, the accusation in question did not occur, but, if in the off-chance it did, I would want to know more details so I could avoid somehow fucking-up-while-having-no-realization-of-doing-so in the future. I'm not sure how to proceed. This morning, a coworker (code-name "Jim") came into our large shared office room to (ostensibly) pass along a serious warning. Another individual at our workplace with whom I rarely work (code-name "Mark") told Jim in confidence that I had fucked up while dealing with a patient/subject. (For some context, Jim and Mark are "bros" who hang regularly outside the workplace.) We work with patients/subjects with serious psychological issues, and the gist of the infraction was that I evidently asked questions that were inappropriately probing with regard to their condition. This was all given to me in a very grave, serious tone, the feeling of "I can't believe you fucked up like this, and I am saving your ass."

Mark had apparently wanted Jim to tell me this, so that it didn't need to go any superiors within our workplace. When I consulted my memory, I could recall the patient, but couldn't recall any conduct along these lines, and asked for more information or context as to this apparent problem. Jim wasn't able to proffer any actual details with regard to what had allegedly occurred, and, curiously enough, also told me that under no circumstances was I to ask Mark for any further clarification or to tell Mark. Jim did not really budge upon further questioning (under the very honest protest from me that I could not remember and wanted to shape up if there was a legitimate problem), nor upon expressing confusion toward the contradiction he had in his own story (i.e. this was supposed to be a warning to me, but he could not know that this warning was given). "Just don't do it again," were Jim's final words.

The fact that Mark did not actually inform me about their concerns despite ample opportunity to do so (this patient came in about three and a half weeks ago!) makes me feel that Jim's narrative as presented is probably spurious. It seems possible my closer coworker tacked on the altruism (i.e. "a warning to you") to the narrative of what was otherwise gossip, which is why Jim does not want this getting back to Mark. But, who the hell knows?

I'm not sure what my correct stance is in this situation. I pride myself on my competence. I tend to be a very cautious and self-critical person—I actually have a problem with ruminating over my mistakes and flaws, and am hypersensitive in the moment to my capacities—which is why I'm surprised to hear that something apparently this serious took place without even the slightest anxiety on my part. (Though the seriousness of the event itself is obscured by lack of detail; like chiding an amnesiac "you know what you did!") Furthermore, I actually know people with the condition in question, and know full well what are and are not safe topics of discussion. The one piece of identifying information (apart from specific patient) I was able to extract from Jim with regard to the alleged exchange renders the exchange impossible, as I was preparing equipment for the procedure at the time it allegedly occurred. It doesn't seem to add up. I am tempted to call bullshit, but don't want to leave this dormant if I'm messing up.

"I don't like my co-worker for personal reasons" is one thing; while anxiety-provoking, it isn't globally serious if I'm not best friends with (this/these) particular co-worker(s). "I think my co-worker is a fuck-up and am going to spread rumors to my bros in the office" is another—that's potentially affecting my employment. If there is a problem, I don't want to whitewash over it; I want to rectify it, and improve for the future—if I am being in some way thoughtless, I want to be conscious and change these slips that apparently don't even register in my memory. If there isn't a problem, I want to make clear that I will not tolerate gossip about my professionalism. And, I'd also like to make clear to people that if they have a legitimate problem with how I do my job, they should talk to me about it rather than play messenger boy with their office bros.

What are some reasonable things for me to consider doing? Even though the surface justification was that this was done as a favor to avoid involving my superior, I wouldn't be averse _to_ involving my superior. We have a very good working relationship and I have presented no problems in the past, and I trust he would deal with the situation fairly, especially if there in fact was a problem. As it stands, I'm just really anxious that something bizarre and unexpected is going to come out of the woodwork to blindside me.

Resentment in the workplace

Anonymous — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 09:47:41 -0800

Please help me curb the growing resentment I have towards my workplace. (very long!) My employer is pretty great, from a work-environment point of view. Pretty relaxed, decent pay for the work, not too stressful, friendly people. I work in software development. But I am overqualified for my position, and software development is not the field I want to work in. I took this job because it has enough overlap with the field that I do want to work in, I wanted some non-academic work experience, and they offered me the job. (So this is pretty much my first "real" job).

However, pretty much as soon as I started, I became aware that our product is, essentially, bad. Poorly developed, incredibly buggy, and has a reputation amongst our clients as being bad (internally there's a lot of uptalk, but I have spoken with clients at seminars/conferences and they have told me that our software is known for being unreliable and untrusted - it was totally humiliating). Additionally, the pace of development is incredibly slow, and people spend huge amounts of time in totally (to my mind) useless documentation processes. It would be different if the documentation was useful, well-written and organized, but it's a mess, and my experience so far is that it is a major hindrance to actually accomplishing anything.

I was hired to develop a new chunk of the program, and I recently finished that. It was a major headache to work within the existing architecture, but I had little choice. Now we, as a team, are in a test & debug phase for the program as a whole. So instead of working on my own section, I am working on the program fundamentals and trying to resolve known bugs. I find myself trying to fix small little errors, only to realize that my options are either to majorly gut and re-design fundamental aspects of the program, or continue the patchwork workarounds that make our software so bad and so difficult to maintain in the first place (no can do!). Many of those who begun and perpetuated this patchwork-workaround-minefield are still with the company and developing. Now it feels like my job is to try to fix my coworkers mistakes. And I resent it. That is very much not a good thing for me, and I am pretty bad at hiding my feelings so it is also bad for my work environment as a whole.

So, what to do? My opinion is that if the others were not capable of detecting the problems I have found, then I definitely can't trust them to fix them, so I kind of *have* to do it (my name is attached to this software now!). And I feel like if I move on from the company later (or sooner, preferably), then I will have little to show for it, since all my changes resulted in only tiny improvements from the user's perspective (and helped more with improving the speed at which new features can be added in the future). More resentment feelings, more bitterness.

Positive aspects here are that the main person responsible for the mess is aware of the situation, is somewhat embarrassed, and offering some support (as opposed to being combative, which I was a little worried about). I don't think that person can really do much to help fix it, but it's good to know he's not working against me and not taking it personally. Also, other more competent people in my team are very happy that I have figured some things out and that I have somewhat of a plan. But it still feels like an uphill battle, and it is a very demotivating situation.

I am searching for other work, but I am not too optimistic that I will get anything for a while and I may have to consider moving to another city. What can I do, until then, to keep myself motivated, and how can I view the situation without just becoming resentful of my coworkers? Thank you for your help!

Can this guy get any wimpier?

Anonymous — Fri, 24 Sep 2010 11:31:28 -0800

How do I deal with the fact that my boss has no spine? Note: Not just looking for answers from other lawyers. This isn't really a legal question, and anyone with a boss who won't stand up for his own department is more than welcome to chime in.

I work in the legal department of a company with... well... let's just say "generalized competency problems." People seem to be promoted based more on seniority and personal relationships than anything to do with whether or not they can actually do their jobs. Both promotion and pay increases seem completely unrelated to any mental state attainable without the use of mind altering substances.

I was hired about eighteen months ago, along with another attorney, bringing the number of attorneys in the department up to five, not counting the VP, who is mostly busy outside the department. Of the three attorneys already here, one was hired two years ago and another three years ago. So the department has grown pretty quickly. The remaining attorney has been here for fifteen years, and when the VP realized that he needed someone to be in charge, that person was made the manager over the rest of us.

It was a logical decision in some ways. He's been here much longer than any of the rest of us and really knows how the company works (or doesn't, as the case may be).

The problem is that he seems completely and totally unable to stand up to anyone about anything. Doesn't matter how irrational or even illegal* the request from another department, he never holds the line. Even worse, when myself or one of my colleagues attempt to do so in the normal course of our duties, and someone in another department inevitably complains to him, he throws us under he bus, apologizing for us and unilaterally backing the department away from the position we've taken.

It's not just in inter-departmental relations either. If one of the attorneys thinks that the VP needs to be made aware of something, we aren't allowed to go directly to him, but anything filtered through proper channels, i.e. the boss, gets so watered down that any sense of seriousness or urgency is completely lost. None of us have any confidence that the advice we mean to give is actually making it up the chain.

This is getting to be a problem and is making it very, very difficult for me and the other attorneys in the department to do our jobs, as one of the main things that legal departments do is tell other departments that they're Doing It Wrong and how to do it right. But it doesn't matter how serious a compliance problem I or anyone else discovers: if anyone pushes back against my boss, whatever it is gets shelved.

Aside from finding another job (I am desperately sending out applications), how am I supposed to deal with this?

Other than sending periodic CYA memos to demonstrate that I did, in fact, give proper legal advice when we inevitably get our collective butts sued off. Lawyers aren't generally allowed to blow the whistle.

*Other than your run-of-the-mill petty nepotism, we aren't talking about ethical problems. I work in a regulated industry, and the regulations are a pain in the ass, so people--especially Marketing--don't like doing them. The only people who are going to suffer are the company and its employees.

Willing to Risk My Job

alice_curiouse — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 09:12:03 -0800

What resources are available for someone who wants to know how to blow a whistle at their workplace? An associate at my office is costing our company a large amount of resources -- I believe the situation is unethical, and it is certainly demoralizing to fellow associates as we all know about it. No one is willing to blow the whistle, so I am going to do it myself.

Since I am risking a lot (my job?), I want my effort to be as dignified and effective as possible.

Can anyone recommend a book? A web resource? Can someone offer their personal knowledge? I am willing to pay someone for their advice.

Thank you.

a crushing dilemma

sidewinding — Fri, 14 May 2010 09:11:17 -0800

My coworker has a huge crush on me. What I can I do to put him off without causing a bunch of office drama? I'm a junior associate in a large tax litigation practice. It's a very collegial workplace, and all the low-level counsel like to go out for drinks together as a way to blow off steam. It's been wonderful to work in such a social atmosphere, after the backstabbing and infighting at my former firm nearly destroyed my love for legal work.

The only fly in the ointment is one of my colleagues appears to have developed a huge crush on me. He isn't sexually harassing me -- we're on the same level of the food chain, and he hasn't done anything inappropriate -- but his mooning is becoming more and more blatant. He's in and out of my office throughout the workday, making conversation on the flimsiest of pretexts while I am trying to get things done. He feels the need to constantly talk up how great he is whenever we chat about a file (moreso than usual even for an attourney). When the group goes out, he makes sure to corner me and monopolize my time all evening.

I wish he would properly ask me out, because then I could properly turn him down. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, he can't seem to work himself up to making a move.

So how should I deal with this? Should I call him out on his behavior? Or should I wait and hope that it passes? My coworker isn't a bad guy, but I'm not particularly attracted to him, and I keep to a strict policy of not dating coworkers after having seen office romances go very wrong for many of my friends.

I'm one of only two women in our group of junior counsel, and my coworker is good friends with all the lads. I'm worried about things going sour for me with the group if I pick the wrong way to do this. I don't want to lose my good office atmosphere after finally finding my place in the profession.

Office Politics for Dummies

dissolvedgirl22 — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 18:49:18 -0800

How do I play the "social game" at work? I was told I needed to do this the last time I was turned down for promotion. Details: I work as an inbound customer service phone rep. I've been at this job about 7 months. I rock my job: my stats are way above average, my attendance is perfect, my immediate supervisor and teammates respect me. I have applied for every reasonable promotion that's come available, including admin assistant, supervisor, and quality assurance. In my last post-rejection "feedback" session, the gentleman seemed to be trying to explain to me that doing your job well and being inquisitive can sometimes be a detriment to advancement, especially if you are not favored by the correct people. This does seem to be evidenced by some who have "made it."
Is there any way I can make myself more "popular" without losing my integrity? Alternatively, are there other lines of work that don't require grand career ambition but will still land me in the range of, say $30k? Nothing physical, though, as my ankle injury is going to limit me for a few more years.

Dealing with lunatics at work 101

Anonymous — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 09:19:00 -0800

A co-worker rants and raves constantly and I'm getting sick of it. What to do? I'm a 30 year old male. There's a 25 year old female co-worker who I seem to be having a personality conflict with, and I'm not sure how to resolve it.

We're both attorneys. I've been here for a year and a half, and she was admitted to the bar this past August. Since this woman has become an attorney at the firm (she was previously a law clerk), she sees fit to go off on tirades about how something is stupid or how she doesn't agree with something. I seem to be the target of these attacks more often than others.

Last week, a group of us were having lunch, and there was much joking. I'm from an Eastern culture, and often make fun of myself and my countrymen. Well, I made a joking comment in the course of the conversation and she went off.

She handles the workflow for personal injury cases at the firm, and so whenever I have a PI matter, I go to her to have the proper groundwork laid out. She is now saying that I can handle my own cases and that she won't help me. This is fine from a practical standpoint, but I feel a bit put out.

I did apologize to her for offending her with my remarks, but all she said was, "It's not just your 'jokes'". That's led me to avoid her, so I haven't eaten lunch with my co-workers in a few days now.

How should I address this issue? Thinking back, I don't feel like I'm responsible for her sensitivity and I have already apologized. Should I just say screw off and find other lunch plans or should I try to ingratiate myself to her?

How can I tell someone they're dressed inappropriately at work?

Anonymous — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 14:35:13 -0800

An intern at work is dressing very inappropriately. Is there any way I can tell her nicely to tone it down? I'm a male attorney at a law firm. We have a law clerk who's been with us since January and is a 2nd year law student. Since the beginning, she wears tops that plung down her neckline and put her breasts on display. I'm not a prude and I think a little cleavage is fun for everyone. But, this girl is taking it a bit far.

Since she's started working with us, she's always wortn tops that show a lot more cleavage than is work appropriate. It's gotten to where when I have a research assignment for her, I have to concentrate on her face rather than her breasts. The other associates (especially the females) have been making very disparaging comments about her lately, and I feel bad for her.

I wish I could go to the managing partner, but he's a perv and would probably prefer it if the clerk came in topless every day.

Is there a diplomatic way I can speak to this clerk and let her know that her attire isn't work appropriate?