Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with obnoxious

Creative Coffee Request

tacit_urn — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 12:46:35 -0800

What should he order me from Starbucks? I am in the situation where a friend of mine, with whom I am sometimes at odds, sometimes frustrated with, and sometimes love, is bringing me coffee. I want to make this as humorously difficult as possible. What are some obnoxious qualifiers that I can put on my coffee request? Decaf Royal Mint-Infused Free-Trade Soy Latte with Hamburger. But with ingredients that actually exist and that he'll have to wait for. I'll drink anything.

Dealing with a loud animal repellant

empath — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 12:27:15 -0800

Dealing with a neighbor's loud audio 'animal-repellent' that you can hear, even though you aren't supposed to be able to. I am posting this question for a friend:

This person lives in VA, and has an issue with an audio animal repellant that a neighboring townhome is using to keep cats from pooping in their yard. Essentially, an object moves in range of the sensor, and it produces a high-pitched noise that only the cats are supposed to be able to hear. Problem is, she can hear it, and says it drives her nuts, and that since none of her other neighbors can hear it, they pay no mind to her complaining. She's tried sneaking into their yard and turning it down to a volume that she can't hear, but the neighborhood cats begin to poop in the neighbor's yard so the neighbor turns it back up. There's also a 'no fence over 3' tall' rule for her community, so she can't put one up between the properties to block the sensor.

Question - if a cop comes out and does a decibel reading, will it show up if it's in an inaudible frequency range and would that count as violating a noise ordinance? Are there any other suggestions you have for dealing with it?

How do I stop acting contemptuously towards my partner?

pluckemin — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 17:39:55 -0800

How do I stop acting contemptuously towards my partner? (Side note: I've been a member for a year and a half, and this is my first RelationshipFilter question! I feel like I've reached a milestone.)

My partner and I, both in our mid-twenties, have been together for 5 years. We have a very strong relationship marked by lots of affection and mutual respect. In general, I'd say we communicate well; we don't yell at each other and we try to talk through problems using non-accusatory language. When it comes to tough issues I think we handle them pretty well -- not perfectly, but as best we can.

The problem is that when it comes to the little issues, I have a knee-jerk contempt reaction that I haven't been able to control. Frequently, when we have a dispute over a trivial thing -- how to load the dishwasher, how to prepare food, whatever -- I wind up rolling my eyes and treating my partner like he's an idiot. I don't do it voluntarily, and while I'm doing it there's a part of my brain saying, "Wait a minute -- what are you doing? Why are you acting like such an asshole?" But that part doesn't kick in until after I've already registered my contempt.

I think I probably learned this from my parents, who interact with each other in this manner pretty much continuously (and have been married for over 40 years, so I guess it works for them). I also have issues with anxiety and insecurity, so I'm guessing this behavior serves as some kind of defense mechanism for me.

I don't want to act this way. I know that contempt is one of Gottman's "Four Horsemen," and I know it doesn't feel good to be on the receiving end. (My partner recently expressed displeasure with it, which served as the kick in the pants that I needed to really address the problem.) Even when I genuinely think I'm right and he's wrong, I should be able to A) express it in a way that's not dismissive, or B) suppress the urge to say anything, depending on the situation. And in general I am far from contemptuous of my partner; I think he's brilliant and funny and talented, and most of the time (I think) my behavior reflects that opinion. It's just these stupid little issues -- usually when I don't think he does housework in the right way, or when he gets really angry about something that I don't think warrants such a dramatic response -- that cause this reflexive reaction of mine to kick in.

The feminist in me also hates this regression into traditional gender roles, where the man is a bumbling idiot whenever it comes to household labor and the woman is a capable nag. I try not to watch when he does housework, because usually his work yields perfectly fine results even if I think his methods are wrong. And in the future when we're a little more flush with cash we'll probably (read: definitely) hire someone to clean our home. But neither of these solutions addresses the underlying problem, which is that I have this counterproductive reaction that seems so ingrained that it feels like I have no control over it.

I'm hoping that someone out there has dealt with a similar problem and can recommend some techniques that can help me alter my behavior or the underlying thought processes. I'm able to recognize the behavior, but only after the fact, when it's already too late. What can I do to stop being so obnoxious?

To head off the inevitable "you need therapy" answers: I'm already seeing a therapist to deal with anxiety, guilt, and related issues; couples therapy is not an option right now due to time constraints but is not completely out of the question in the future (though I suspect my partner is not quite so gung-ho about it as I am).

What's another term for music Nazi?

mizrachi — Sun, 17 May 2009 18:26:47 -0800

What phrase best describes the annoying person who shows up at the party with their own cd's, hijacks the stereo, and forces everyone to listen to 30 seconds of a dozen different tracks? I'm thinking along the lines of:

Music Nazi
Music Fascist
Music Dick(tator)
Etc...

Why do I have to create an account?

alms — Sat, 27 Dec 2008 21:16:25 -0800

Why do an increasing number of e-commerce sites force me to set up an account, including an e-mail address and a password, as part of the checkout process. I understand (and don't mind) when this is optional. But when a store forces me to set up an account and give them a password before they will sell me a product (or accept a donation, even) I find it obnoxious. This seems to be more and more common.

The Obnoxious Menace of Subtitled English: Mandated Hullabaloo, or Xenophobic Condescencion?

ulotrichous — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 22:19:47 -0800

Why do many TV shows subtitle people that are speaking completely understandable english? Sometimes, it makes sense, like if there's lots of background noise... but it seems that over the past few years more and more solidly clear english is being subtitled. Is this a US thing? Is there some new law? Do TV producers or executives just have a decreasing opinion of their audience's ability to understand spoken english? It's usually furriners so it's hard not to see this as some expression of xenophobia... it's obnoxious. Does this bother you?

Might as well call him Humphrey Braggart, AMIRITE?

Anonymous — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 08:18:41 -0800

Please help me become more genuinely modest and less arrogant... without being too self deprecating. I've become a huge braggart lately, and it's of course pushing people away (making it harder to make friends). It's amplified tenfold when I drink, so for now I've stopped drinking. At the core of it, there's a part of me that really feels he is better than other people; another part of me usually keeps that in check. Lately this hasn't been the case. Incidentally, in the past I've been the opposite -- really hard on myself, not satisfied with anything I've accomplished, and unable to communicate the things that I have accomplished where/when it mattered (such as jobs).

These days I'm just critical of everything, think I can do things better than they've already been done, and am just generally disagreeable -- e.g. someone will mention that such-and-such is nice, and I will almost always respond with a laundry list of its faults. I realize this seems tangential, but I think it has a lot to do with this arrogance.

The reality is that I've had my fair share of failures and successes, but for the most part I'd say I'm doing well. I'm proud of what I've accomplished, but this pride is translating itself in very negative ways. In the past, I've feigned modesty; but I don't want to be falsely modest. I want to be genuinely humbled.

So please help me not be such an arrogant and self-righteous ass. I'm looking for a way to mitigate the two extremes of being critical of myself and taking pride in who I've become without being obnoxious.

(Also, while searching other AskMefi questions to see if this was asked before, I stumbled on this one, and looked up Narcissistic Personality Disorder. A lot of that describes me, and so I'm going to schedule a therapy appointment to work it out).

In the meantime, what steps can I do to make myself more genuinely down-to-earth without being too hard on myself? If you had a very close friend who was like this, what would you frankly say to him or her?

I've created a throwaway anon email for direct responses -- toofullofhimself@gmail.com.

Cheers.

Andreana Weiner: recent-ish pictures plz?

Quarter Pincher — Sun, 24 Jun 2007 11:43:57 -0800

Can you find me some more recent pictures of Andreana Weiner, an American actress, other than from the ST:TNG s07e07 "Dark Page" with which co-stars a young Kirsten Dunst? Perhaps someone has Adams Family Values or Red Dragon and could take screenshots? Thanks!

How to keep the peace with sex-fiends?

nelleish — Sun, 12 Mar 2006 14:07:43 -0800

Responding effectively to neighbors' loud sex lives... My boyfriend has been living since November on the second floor of a three-storey converted townhouse, with one apartment above and another below his own. Since the new down-stairs neighbors moved in last month, he's been subjected to several VERY loud, VERY obnoxious episodes of love-making during times of day people are very likely to be home, including supper time. He describes the female aspect as "porn-star-like" and has even been woken up by the noise. He hasn't yet met these neighbors (landlord said it's a couple in their early 30s), and would much rather do so under circumstances other than banging on their door. The best solution he's found, but has yet to attempt, is to clap and cheer after they've finished. Although if they're auditory exhibitionists this might not be the most effective deterrent.

So, he's asked me to post asking for real, practical solutions to addressing this himself with some amount of decorum and maybe humor, leaving a formal complaint as the last option. It would be great to hear from those who have survived raunchy neighbors themselves!