Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with obese

Can you live on it?

leotrotsky — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 15:14:33 -0800

HypotheticalFilter: What would happen to a morbidly obese person if completely deprived of food? I wonder about the very large, those confined to bed, or requiring motorized vehicles to move about. What would happen if they were suddenly unable to access a food supply?

Assume there's plenty of access to water. Would their bodies be unable to handle it, causing stroke or heart attack? I figure most of their muscles will have atropied, but would they eventually get down to a mobile size? Would they have those excess skin problems like the gastric bypass folks? Other issues?

This is not a joke question, I am genuinely curious if large amounts of excess fat can be converted to a source of food for an extended period of time in the absence of other sources

Make a Run for the Border!

Anonymous — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 19:46:25 -0800

Any info about lap-band surgery in Mexico? A close family member is considering having lap-band surgery in Mexico. They've done the research, the surgeon is qualified, we know three people who have used him and sing his praises. Web research on the surgeon and the center seems positive and every question we have asked has been answered to our satisfaction. I just can't seem to get over the weird feeling I get about crossing over the border in a van to have surgery (yes, that's how this group does it). Am I being crazy? The family member feels like this is not a very invasive proceedure so it will be fine, I'm not so calm about it. I guess I am a product of my Americanized health care system and I'm having a hard time seeing past that. This is where I need the green's help. Does anyone have any experience with this sort of thing? Can you recommend a surgeon that we may not have researched? Should I have this weird feeling or am I being paranoid? More info: My family member has considered getting it done in the states but it is not covered and the cost will be half in Mexico. They have been to several doctors and had all the proper tests and clearances done. They are considered a good candidate for this surgery. Thanks for any advice or help you can give.

If you're an obese man successful on the dating scene, what are your tips and advice?

Anonymous — Thu, 13 Sep 2007 09:23:27 -0800

If you're an obese man who's been successful in the dating scene, please give me some tips and advice. As always, there's Having come off a bad relationship and a stressful time with a considerably larger physique, I find myself entering upon the dating scene as a morbidly obese guy — this being a new experience for me. (Not that my body was Adonisesque the first time around, mind you — I was more the tall and gangly type.)

I am feeling a little bit awkward and, despite being able to carry on a good conversation and having good listening skills, I am feeling as though (no offense to potential answerers) this obesity makes me an extremely unattractive partner to women, despite the fact that my diverse interests, conversational skills, etc. served me well in that regard in the past.

Obviously, though, this isn't the case — women evidently do fall for and like larger men. So, as suggested, I wanted to put the question to the overweight Mefite men who don't have problems actively dating women ...

Psychologically ... how do you do it? How did you convince yourself that your ... well, not to put it too nicely, but how did you convince yourself that that big ol' potbelly doesn't matter when you found the need to approach a girl for the first time? Unlike before, I find myself paralyzed by a voice harshly critical of my physique at the moment of truth which freezes up most of my "normal" ability to interact with women if a romantic element isn't involved. (And I unfortunately can't "fool" myself into engaging "friend-mode".) I can't have been the only fat guy to deal with this; how do you?

Fashion-wise ... having formerly dressed for a more thin physique, I'm at a loss as to what fashions and style flatter an obese man. My business casual garb also serves as my "nice event" garb, and I have a feeling it's probably not as flattering as other things might be: single-color polo shirt and black Dockers slacks. How do you dress to be comfortable yet impressive (or, failing that, uncomfortable yet impressive)?

And, by all means, if you have any tips or advice unrelated to the questions above, by all means, I would very much desire to hear them and learn from them. Also, if it matters in terms of a generational sense, I'm in my late twenties.

Getting Used to Dating and Sex with a Changed Physique

Anonymous — Sat, 21 Jul 2007 15:02:32 -0800

I have a question to ask of heterosexual women on Metafilter: are you as shallow as I am? Do you find overweight men attractive? I'm a few years out of college in my late twenties with a BMI of 45. I'm not Brad Pitt or George Clooney, but I'm tall; I have a friendly, open, and expressive face; I'm well-read and can hold my end of a convo down pretty well; and I have a decent job that's not a huge moneymaker (no doctor be I) but puts me on the low to middlin' end of "comfortable."

I know I need to get back down to "normal." I'm working on it now, and I do think I'll get there. But I did enough damage to myself (read: gained enough weight) that it's not going to be an instantaneous process (read: probably a good year or two), and frankly, I have no desire to be a monk in the meantime. But I'm finding that some preconceptions and a weird sense of body dysmorphia are dealing a rather severe blow to my confidence. I've not been on the dating scene in a good number of years: my last girl and I didn't break up due to my weight, but the last time I was dating, I was 'normal', and this time, I'm on the scene with a physique that has gone to pot more than a tad.

I wish to God that I could divorce physical attributes from my sexual attraction to someone. Right now, I can't seem to do that, and, as such, I find women who are equally as overweight as I am to be unattractive, and I have no interest at all in them as other than friends, as much as I'd like to be gallant enough to do so. Now, to clarify, I'm not saddled with an unrealistic attraction to stick-thin Paris Hiltons — I am attracted to utterly normal women (frankly, most of y'all out there look pretty damn hawt to me), and I do find attractive women who are curvy or who lean a bit towards the Rubenesque; I'm just saying that the end of the scale where pre-weight-loss Star Jones was, or Roseanne-during-Roseanne, or Edna Turnblatt, wouldn't have done it for me.

And, unfortunately, I'm on the equivalent end of the male scale of where pre-weight-loss Star Jones was. (Award for the most convoluted sentence goes to ... ) I'm John Goodman-in-Roseanne-esque. And knowing that I can't find myself attracted to Star, or Roseanne, or Edna, or women carrying around a similar amount of weight, I find it very hard — in fact, outright impossible — to believe that a woman could look at me, or anyone with my body type, and find her sexual engine getting a little revved up, like a few did here and there with my old physique. Even though my brain knows that supposedly women judge on different criteria, I also know Clooney and Pitt don't sell movies just because they're good actors. So I'm hoping that perhaps the women of Mefi could either say, "Yes, you're right, you're just not sexy at this point, lardass," so I can stop wondering and start getting used to cold showers, or "No, you're not. I know from personal experience that ... " and share, well, what they feel comfortable.

I also know enough to know that women respond to confidence, and that a lack of confidence can show pretty clearly unless you're a good actor. That's another concern, obviously, I'm hoping to address with this question. If I can end up with enough material to quiet the voice in my head — "shut up, you, four out of five Mefite women prefer peppermint mouthwash" — maybe I can actually focus on the other things that terrify me about starting to going up to strange women again, instead of walking into the situation feeling like I'm wearing a strange-fitting fat suit. :-/

Finally, I have one last question. It is more than a bit on the graphic side, and I'll admit it is very likely thinking too far ahead. It's a question central to men's sense of "maleness," for good or for bad. A well-intentioned friend who I could now just friggin' hit over the head with a Nerf bat forwarded me an e-mail forward quoting Dr. Ruth as saying that men "lose" an inch for every 40 pounds gained. Anyone know if that's really the case? It does indeed feel like it's shrunk. And there definitely is also a visual comparative scale thing given that the man's gut hangs above his penis. If you have had an overweight sexual partner, were you satisfied with his length? Flaccid at the moment, it's visually really rather embarrassingly minuscule — and I think my outright nightmare is disrobing in front of a lady and having a woman laugh at its size. Erect, it's still probably a good four and a half inches, but that's definitely less than it used to be; I remember measuring myself in college at about near seven. It's perhaps the very definition of the word "emasculating."

P.S. Obviously, I come across in the above as a bit of a nutcase. That's because I'm cranking down about twelve layers of shielding and actually being quite blunt about the problem with you. Please rest assured that these insecurities are not out and displayed in full force during a date!

How bad is it to dump someone because of how they previously looked?

dkleinst — Mon, 04 Jun 2007 05:57:47 -0800

How bad is it to dump someone because of how they previously looked? I dated a fairly attractive girl a while ago, and things were going pretty well until she showed me her drivers license. In the picture on it, she was obese. She told me that since the picture was taken she had lost 200 pounds.

To be honest, I couldn't get the image of the obese her out of my head. When we were intimate, I thought that I could detect folds of skin which were left over from when she was overweight. This disgusted me.

Soon after, I dumped her. Every time I saw her, I couldn't help but think of the picture and wonder how she could have let herself get that far out of control.

Now, I think about it often, and I'm kind of concerned that I've been a totally insensitive jerk. It's not like I let her know that her former obesity was the reason I dumped her though. Do I have a right to some shallowness? Just how wrong was I?

Seeking data about the health effects of dieting for non-overweight people interested in moderate weight loss.

croutonsupafreak — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 11:16:05 -0800

Is there data about moderate weight loss for the relatively thin? For example, we all know that yo-yo dieting is bad, etc., etc. But is there any data about whether it's bad for a not-overweight person to gain five pounds every winter and then lose it every spring? It seems like all the healthy eating and weight loss stuff I read is based on studies of fat people.

Making a Cat Exercise

headspace — Tue, 31 Aug 2004 16:23:51 -0800

How do you make a fat cat exercise? {MI} My shorthair mongrel (no idea what she is, we rescued her from a litter of kittens abandoned at a gas station,) was a lithe, perky cat who enjoyed playing until we got her fixed. Naturally, after the surgery (about 5 months ago,) all she wanted to do was lay around, but... well, she never quit laying around, and now she's turning into an ottoman. She's still eating the same amount of food that she was before (1/2 cup of Iams Adult, split into two meals a day, no treats or table food at all) but she won't chase feather toys, balls, or catnip mice anymore. We've tried all her old favorite toys and a whole bunch of new ones, but nothing sparks her interest. She's becoming seriously overweight, and I don't know what to do besides feed her less. Please help?

How/if to safely donate a kidney if you're overweight

pwb503 — Thu, 12 Aug 2004 22:35:01 -0800

I am thinking about donating my kidney but I'm about 100lbs overweight and probably a doctor would say I'm closer to 150lbs overweight. Does anyone know how fit one has to be (should be...) to donate a kindey and 1) the kidney be healthy, and 2) for me to remain healthy? Other thoughts to consider for being overweight and interested in being a donor would be appreciated too.

A stand-up Goalie?

edlundart — Thu, 01 Jan 2004 09:28:32 -0800

Why doesn't an NHL hockey team hire a morbidly obese man as a goalie? He could just relax on his side in front of the goal, covering up the entire goalframe. Hockey goalies are incredible athletes, but is my "proposal" unthinkable? Are there not men big enough, or are there rules that say a goalie must stand, not lie down?