velvet glove for the iron fist?

lalalana — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 16:18:42 -0800

Help my friend not be misperceived so that she can get a job! My friend is super smart, very industrious, a wonderful team member but... makes faces and has a certain demeanor that makes people think that she has, as one person put it, "an attitude problem." This label is TOTALLY NOT deserved, but I do understand why people might get this impression. What can she do to ensure that she comes off as more "likable" in a job interview? She kind of looks at you like a quizzical pug dog saying "WHAT? YOU CRAZY!" It's actually really cute when you know her... She's hilarious, always honest, very considerate. You just have to learn how to read her. She's not even aspergersish or whatever... she gets people... it just takes them a week or so to get her.

Sometimes, though, she's a bit blunt. I've worked with her, and have had to do some "translating" for outsiders so that her valuable ideas are heard in the light that they need to be. Plus, she has two degrees from Ivy League type schools, so that might add to the presumed air of superiority, etc.

I've seen give presentations where she didn't come off this way at all. But she says she can't really control it. She says that in the past, when she's tried too hard to be nice at interviews, it comes off as fake and weird.

Can anyone offer any concrete tips to help her ace job interviews? She's going on the market this summer. Unfortunately, her skill set is such that "interpersonal skills" will probably be a hiring criteria. She has them... just not at first.

How do nice people do it?

freshwater_pr0n — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 18:58:45 -0800

I've always admired people who are just genuinely nice, warm folks and inspire everyone they talk to. I'd like to be one of those people when I grow up, but I don't know how to do it. Sometimes, when I do or say nice things, people get freaked out and think that I'm hitting on them, want something from them or am being insincere. That isn't the case, but every time it happens, I get a little more timid about doing nice things for people. It's easy to get by with a prickly Dorothy Parker routine, but that's not how I want to live my life. And I'm sick of not doing or saying nice things just because I'm not socially adept enough to pull it off. Being an asshole is easy, and no one ever questions your motives. How can I, as an introvert, act upon my nice impulses without freaking people out? What's the secret to being a mensch?

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velvet glove for the iron fist?

How do nice people do it?