Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with newcity

Big scary decisions are big and scary.

CwgrlUp — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 17:39:12 -0800

What did you do to choose the next city you moved to? My wife graduates at the end of the year and will then be looking for an elementary teaching job. We have been looking forward to moving out of the sticks and into a city with an active gay community.

She is from Texas and I went to college there (plus we don't want to get too far from our families) so we are looking at the Dallas-Fort Worth area and Austin. This is our first big move and we would like to know what you looked for in a new city before you moved. We are visiting Austin next weekend, but we're not really sure what we should be checking out.

The things we are sure we want: A place more comfortable with gays than where we are now - I understand not everybody is cool with it, but where we are now if you are seen as a couple, you will most likely be confronted verbally and possibly physically. We just want to feel safe holding hands walking down the street.

A job for her. This would have to be lined out before we moved.

An affordable housing market. We've been to San Diego and it was great, but housing was insane and we don't want to live with roommates. Possibly rent to start with until I find a job.

This is all we have at the moment. What else should we be looking at, specifically when we visit? GLBT crowd, I'd appreciate your suggestions and your thoughts on DFW vs Austin.

Thanks for reading my many questions.

Should I join?

downing street memo — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 09:57:03 -0800

Should I join Mensa? Details inside. I'm in a somewhat new city (been here about two years). I have a nice group of good friends, a few professional acquaintances in my field, etc.

Recently there's been some rumblings about layoffs at my company and I've come to the conclusion that my network here, both friends and professionals, isn't nearly big enough. So I've decided to be more of a joiner, and I signed up for a soccer league in the fall and a running group, as well as Toastmasters.

Anyway, one thought that occurred to me was joining Mensa. I'm pretty sure I qualify (I did well on the GRE, which they accept) but I'm concerned about the social stigma of making a big deal out of one's intelligence. I'm not pretentious and I'm not a showoff, but I also don't want to turn down any potential networking opportunity.

So I guess the question is - is Mensa a good way to meet new people, for professional networking or otherwise? Or are the meetings just kind of an intellectual wankfest? Any and all experiences welcome.

Drought conditions; praying for rain

Anonymous — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 17:26:51 -0800

I'm 23 years old, male, and have not been in a relationship, nor had any of physical activity with the opposite sex (much less sex itself), for over five years. This is starting to affect the rest of my life, and I don't know how to fix it. I followed my high school girlfriend to college, got promptly cheated on and dumped in the first semester - and ever since then, I haven't been able to get anything going romantically in my life.

I never really adjusted to college, instead choosing to graduate three semesters early and get to know myself, so to speak.

Now I'm 23, living in a new-ish city, working full-time, and I can't figure out for the life of me how I'm supposed to meet women here. I have a very small social circle, my roommates, their friends and a few ex-colleagues mostly, and they don't hang out with many girls either. I've tried online dating and never seem to get any responses.

For reference, I'm not particularly socially awkward (although I'm clearly not great with women), I'm not fat, I dress well, and I'd say I'm probably a 6 or a 7 on the 10 scale. I have a good, professional job that requires me to be personable and people-savvy. Just to get the basement-nerd scenario out of everyone's heads. I'm convinced that my problem isn't some innate fear of women, it's just that I've never really figured out how to meet people outside of work, where romantic stuff is generally frowned upon.

I'm not going to lie, this drought of mine is starting to affect my professional life - I feel inordinately tense and snappy, and a recent stressful period at work affected me much more than it did everyone else. Life, especially during the winter for some reason, just seems kind of empty without something romantic going on - I don't even have any prospects.

So, I guess, how did you get over your hangups and find someone to date? How did you meet new people in a new city? Any help to these would be much appreciated.

The soldier's wife.

Anonymous — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 18:44:10 -0800

Tell me about what it's like to be in a military family. I'm looking for anecdotal experience on the challenges and rewards of military life, specifically in the role of a wife. Other perspectives are more than welcome, of course.

We are making our first move together in the next couple of months, and I'd kind of like an idea of what to expect. We're in Canada, and will be living on a relatively urban base. We're also thinking about starting a family in the next couple of years. Ideally, I'd like to be a stay-at-home mom. We're currently in our mid-20s, if that's at all relevant. This is also my first permanent move away form the city I was born and raised in (albeit, fairly close).

As far as I know, he's unlikely to go on tour at this point. If he does, the nature of work will keep him off the front lines, so I'll have less to worry about there. In my future, all I see is cardboard and moving trucks. Amirite?

So... help? What's coming my way?

obligatory throw-away email for questions and personal stuff: askme.militaryfamily@gmail.com

Auckland? More like Awkward.

troika — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 06:14:56 -0800

How do I meet people and befriend them in a foreign country (New Zealand, to be specific)? I moved to Auckland, NZ just under a month ago and I'm having a hard time making friends. I just don't know how to meet people. It was so easy to do while in college and in my old location (Washington, DC) - there was at least a solid website listing concerts and activities that I was interested in (BYT). I haven't been able to find anything like that for Auckland. Similarly, I was involved in a few league sports and group activities, but haven't found any to join here. I've tried going to bars (etc) and I'm generally a very outgoing person. I'm a 23 yr old female, if that helps.

Alternately, any experiences you have with moving to a place where you didn't know a soul and how you dealt with that would be great.

Thank you.

How do I find a job / apartment in a new city?

Anonymous — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 22:35:03 -0800

Any advice on moving to a new, far away city, renting an apartment, getting a job, and perhaps attending a college? What sort of planning should I go through? I intend to move to somewhere well-populated like Portland or Toronto or Amherst, where I won't know anyone.

I'm poor, I've just finished my freshman year at a large state university (which I didn't particularly enjoy, nor succeed at with a 1.9 GPA). Being away from my parents was good- I find them to be emotionally (sometimes physically abusive), and I don't want to go back, but I also don't want to be homeless.

A few questions about my future education: Is it too late to apply to good colleges for transfering in the fall semester? Would it be a waste of time attending a community college for a year before transfering?

I have some factory work, customer service, and theatre set-dressing work under my belt, as well as some good references- but I'm struggling to find work in the small town where I'm currently staying at a friend's house. There's also a huge problem here, which I intend to avoid / escape.

Aside from looking for opportunities on Craigslist, I'm really not sure how to go about doing any of this; thus any advice on starting over would be appreciated. I don't want this endeavour to end with me failing miserably, being in debt, and listening to the Old 97s song "Nineteen." I really need a life counselor.

How can I make my new city feel like home?

galimatias — Tue, 13 Jun 2006 17:13:09 -0800

Six months ago, I moved to a new city (Philadelphia) to pursue a fantastic career opportunity. It has turned out to be everything I wanted from a career. Professionally and financially, things are great. So, why am I so unhappy here? So, six months ago, I packed up and moved to Philadelphia with two weeks notice to pursue a career opportunity (I'm 25, single, and not tied down to anything, so this really isn't as crazy as it sounds). Professionally, it was a smart gamble - I love my new position, am treated well by my company, and have a great group of colleagues. I'm now a two hour drive from home instead of a two hour flight, which I enjoy since I am very close with my family.

Before I moved, I had lived in St. Louis for 7 years (4 years of university, 3 years of work). I had been unhappy in my previous job for a while (it was my first job out of school and I was using it for the work experience), and St. Louis is not the ideal location for my line of work. However, socially, I had everything I wanted there. I had a fantastic group of friends, a good dating network, and a sense of comfort and familiarity with the city. However, I have none of that here in Philly.

Despite being an outgoing and extremely sociable person, I have just had no luck finding a person/group I can really connect with here (I knew nobody here when I first moved). I've made a few friends and have gone out socially sporadically, but I really miss the security/dependability of a network like I had back in St. Louis. I'm also a little worried that if it is this difficult to meet people for friendship, then what are my prospects for dating?

Some other relevant background: I work weekday nights and I live in the northwest suburbs. The night shift is temporary and I'll be back to working days by September, but certainly complicates things like happy hours, weeknight dinners, and after-work social gatherings in the meantime.

So, my questions are three-fold:

1. Have I really given the situation enough time? How much time is reasonable?
2. What have others who have moved to a new city (Philadelphians in particular) done to meet people and establish social networks?
3. How can I keep myself positive and motivated throughout this endeavor? I'm usually a very positive and upbeat person, but this whole situation has been taking its toll on me.

I'll be the first to admit that at 25, I'm inexperienced at major life challenges like moving to a new city, so I'm hoping that some other MeFites can offer some good advice here. Thanks!