Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with nervous

How do I know if a Masters is right for me?

tumples — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 19:44:00 -0800

A year away from graduating my BA in history, what next? Is a Masters the right course for me? I am starting my third and final year (UK) of my BA in history and I have no idea what I will be doing this time next year.

I have been looking into Masters degrees as the start of my search as this seems like the next logical step after my undergraduate degree, especially given the figures on graduate unemployment and the fact that I still haven't found a direction for post university life. I am really enjoying being in education and would happily stay on, but I don't know if these reasons are the right ones.

If given a choice of Masters programs I would look at doing something political or in international relations, but I don't know how much I should be considering future employment or other important serious life decisions in my choice. I would also love to study abroad if possible, the Netherlands and Canada look like they would be incredible for a curious but monolingual Brit. But again, this decision would be based on wanting to 'experience and learn the world, expand my horizons' sort of thought, not for any more serious or well thought out reasons.

I feel lost in a sea of life decisions with no idea of what direction I want to take. Is it a wise choice to study a Masters (possibly abroad) for no larger reasons than wanting stay in education, give me a few more months to grow up and think of a plan and to possibly see some of the world at the same time?

Any personal anecdotes or relating to feeling completely overwhelmed by the future is also really welcome :)

Don't employers love the neat & tidy look?

gursky — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 21:38:12 -0800

Should I explain why I (a 22-year-old female) am bald at an upcoming job interview? (I am still shaving my head regularly. My aunt's hair has not yet begun to grow back, so I keep shaving mine too.)

I have a job interview on Monday morning. The position involves working with the public, and sort of promoting/representing the company I would be working for (though it isn't direct marketing or promo work). For what it's worth, this is an awesome company and I am comfortable with the staff that I have met there. Also, I had a phone interview this week and the woman said that she was impressed with my resume and my conversational skills (which would be a great skill to have for the job...)

Anyway, I love being bald and I am sure the interview will go smoothly/well, but I do worry about whether or not my bald head will affect my chances of being hired. I have had a few people stare, a few people ask if I'm ill (it probably doesn't help that I'm really pale), and plenty of children point or gape or make funny comments. None of that bothers me, but I'm nervous about the interviewer thinking, Do we really want a bald girl representing the company? I know I can do the job, and I think I could be good at it, but I don't know if they'll think my being bald will affect the company's image.

Should I bring it up when I go for the interview? If so, how? Or is that a terrible idea? I can see it being okay to bring it up if it's small talk as we introduce ourselves and get settled and such... But I can also see it being a weird thing to do.

Thanks in advance for your suggestions. I realize this is probably a plate of beans question, but I'm hoping you'll humour me and tell me what you would do (or think I should do).

How do I act tough on the street?

wastelands — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 19:10:05 -0800

How do I reduce the amount I'm threatened on the street in an urban environment? I am a tall, young male, but about one a month on average, I get hassled by people on the street. No one has outright attacked me, but enough people "test" me by blocking my way, lunging at me (pretending to attack), yell at me and challenge me, etc. that it bothers me and makes me nervous.

I'm not so much interested in "how to defend my self"; there's plenty of that kind of material out there. I'm interested in how to not look so weak and nervous -- how to head off attacks before they even begin by projecting a tougher attitude.

For me personally:

* I definitely have some agoraphobia; I feel uneasy when first going out, especially after being cooped up for awhile. I tend to be a hermit on weekends and evenings unless I have something social planned or the weather's especially nice
* I wear glasses (i.e. nerd association)
* I dress nicely, yet sometimes walk through areas that have street people who probably resent the fact that I have money
* I enjoy walking fast, just naturally, but maybe that can be interpreted as being afraid.
* I'm bad at making eye contact

But I hope this thread is useful for people in general who live in rough areas, so please, any general tips are great too.

Things I'm doing or plan to do:

* I am trying to not look down at the ground so much, trying to look straight ahead more
* I really want to get into better shape and join an MMA gym (not just for self-defense, but because martial arts is fun for me, just haven't done it in ages)
* I'm trying to stand up taller and not slouch or hunch my shoulders so much
* Eventually want to get contacts, to look less nerdy and just because glasses are a PITA sometimes

Thanks!

My Mouth Feels Awkward

Anonymous — Thu, 28 May 2009 14:53:26 -0800

When I get nervous my mouth feels awkward. My tongue doesn't sit right in my mouth and I can't keep my mouth still. I come to the hive for advice. In anxious situations I can't find a position for my mouth to stay in. Everything in my mouth area feels awkward, and this throws off my otherwise comfortable confidence. I have tried fixing my mouth in certain positions (but it still feels uncomfortable), pushing my tongue against the roof of my mouth and releasing it (to relax the mouth), etc.

Holding my mouth still and relaxed likewise feels uncomfortable.

Maybe I'm overthinking this, as I don't think this bothers anyone I encounter too much, but it drives me crazy and throws off my groove.

What should I do?

throwaway email at mymouthfeelsawkward@gmail.com

Thanks in advance.

Socializing in a second language?

Anonymous — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 13:56:33 -0800

How does an introvert socialize in a second language? I'm living in another country right now, and I'm having a hard time figuring out how to socialize. It's one thing to say, "Join a club! Take a class!" But comprehension/speaking abilities in my second language are pretty horrible. I have opportunities to take art classes and dance classes and even a unicycle class. But my shyness and lack of language ability are holding me back. I feel nervous just running into my flatmates making dinner--they don't speak that much English.

I'm kind of socially-dumb in English, too. My nervousness over my second language is turning me into a hermit.

Any advice? Should I ignore being social until my language skills are better? I'm already listening to more dubbed Lazy Town music than I can handle!

(Anon. because my friends would probably make fun of me for posting this. My throwaway account is socialmute@gmail.com.)

I wanna go home! follow follow I wanna go home! "Uh, why are you following me?"

curagea — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 23:36:02 -0800

Bipolar force of gravity - how to stop shaking and feeling like I got to run away, or feeling like I got to be someone all the time Sometimes when I'm conversing with friends or acquaintances, I get the sudden feeling to just run away and get away from the talking scene. Just leave without saying a word and go home. I'm not sure why. It doesn't happen as often with family and close friends, but it still happens with them, nevertheless.

Usually the feeling is accomplished with a sudden rush of exasperation and maybe some nervous shaking. The nervous shaking doesn't surprise me, since I always was nervous and shy since childhood, and my friends or colleagues would often crack me up enough for the shaking to go away. It's the run-away feeling that bothers me.

What stinks is that it can happen even in interesting conversations, ones that I love to talk more about and gain a deeper understanding of. It's like my mind is divided in half: one loves the subject and talks about it, the other wants to curl up by herself and shut up.

What double stinks, though, is sometimes I get the opposite: I want to be someone, tag along, and never go home, ignoring the fact that hey, people have private lives too. It's like the tag-along kid habit. There were occasions where I almost followed my friends or my brother into the bathroom, like I don't want to leave them alone.

In this case, my mind acts differently: One side says, "Ok, c'mon, homework time." The other says, "No, I wanna be with my fwiends *whine whine whine*!" This condition worsens the more interesting a conversation or a hangout with friends gets to be.

So what could be behind this? Some obsessive-compulsive symptom (I admit I am somewhat OC, though not officially diagnosed)? Social anxiety? Desire for social interaction? ???

They slammed me and then gave me a raise.

Anonymous — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 19:18:20 -0800

PerformanceReviewFilter: I got a less than sterling review at work, but I still got a 10% raise. What gives? I just had my 6 month review and it was painful. Granted, this is the first review I've ever had, but it hurt.

I work as an attorney at a small firm. My bosses brought me in there and basically pointed out everything I've been doing wrong so far. They both asked me questions and I simply froze up on some of them. I felt really embarrassed and they had very little that was good to say. Still, I got a pay increase of 10%.

Then, this morning, my new supervisor said that one of the bosses feels that I'm not coming along as quickly as he'd hoped I would. She said that my job was not in jeopardy, but I'm freaking out.

Should I start preparing my resume, or does this sound like honest criticism and an interest in seeing me improve?

If you need more details or want to e-mail, please e-mail worriedatwork at gmail dot com.

Hack Hack Hyeeeuuueegh

Ambrosia Voyeur — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 10:19:18 -0800

What can I do about this empty-stomach retching? When I haven't eaten, like first thing in the mornings, I retch a little at the drop of a hat. Yeah, I know what that sounds like. BUT I'VE NEVER BEEN PREGNANT. So unfair.

I think this has only been the case since I got off the birth control pill, and I probably think that because I had some vaguely hormonal nausea-related issues in the past. When I was on the pill, for example, taking it on an empty stomach or even a relatively empty stomach would give me horrible nausea leading to copious retching and vomiting. Now, what I have feels more like a nervous stomach. If I get up quickly, or see something unsavory, smell smoke, or jeez, encounter a stiff breeze, I cough and retch a little, but it's not a down-on-my-knees-hugging-the-toilet situation. I never actually throw up from this, but I bet if I went down in front of the toilet, I surely would.

If I've eaten a meal, this goes away. Unfortunately, I can't just be putting food on my pain all the damn time. A big breakfast does not jive with my weight loss plan. I think eating too much and drinking too much booze may have contributed to this sorry state of affairs, too. So, I'm making a big effort to put those behaviors in check. I'm also a sufferer of Generalized Anxiety Disorder, so this kind of thing could be yet another creative way my body expresses stress. There are many, after all.

So, that's the whole picture. Please assist. What are good ways to settle my stomach, short off going back on the pill or eating heavy foods? Herbal tea? Pepto Bismol? Old Morning Sickness aids? Any recommendations would be appreciated. Coughing and gagging in front of people is getting old. Thanks.

Nervous Nelly; don't want to be a Floppy Frank

wastelands — Sat, 24 May 2008 09:57:13 -0800

How do I perform well after abstaining from sex for four years? I'm a male in my late 20s. Due to depression and social anxiety, I have not had sex or a girlfriend for about four years. It doesn't help that my last sexual experiences were with someone super neurotic, who ended up making me nervous, and was the only woman I've lost erections with.

The problem is that I've been feeling better for awhile, more confident... I asked someone out recently and she said "yes"! I'm strongly physically attracted to her and she finds me attractive as well.

I'm afraid that if/when we finally do the deed, she'll see how awkward and out of practice I am and it'll turn her off. I want to impress this woman because I am into her more than I've been into someone for a long time. I don't want to screw it up. Help!

Biofeedback. What's the deal?

kmtiszen — Sat, 07 Apr 2007 22:00:36 -0800

BiofeedbackFilter: What can expect from Biofeedback in regards to a nervous disorder? My doctor has recommended biofeedback as treatment for a nervous tic that I've been experiencing at different levels of severity for a long time now. I really don't know much about the process, but I'm kind of worried it's one of these new-agey treatments that only work if you believe they work. Does anyone have experience with biofeedback and do you think it will be beneficial in helping me control the anxiety/tics?

And s-so I told him, n-no, man, y-you can't keep that h-horse!

Glitter Ninja — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 18:54:10 -0800

FirstDateFilter: How do I keep my calm and not turn into a stammering sticky pile of jello? It's been a while since I've been on a real date. By a while, I mean something like three years. I tend to stick to internet relationships as a general rule, because I'm a little afraid of committment- but I met this great guy at my friend's party. Sweet, funny, nerdy, and shy- but the problem is, I am too!

When confronted with something of importance, I tend to turn into a stammering, stuttering, babbling mess- stumbling over my words, talking incessantly about nothing, going off on long tangents, just generally making everyone feel bored and awkward- then once I realize it, I turn about a million shades of pink, but can't seem to calm down and stop. This is going to be a double date with the friend whose party I met him at and her boyfriend (who is his coworker), so the situation will be somewhat alleviated, but I'm not sure just how much.

Please, hive mind- tips on keeping myself composed, keeping on topic, not talking too much, and NOT stuttering and stammering through what I do say? I have a huge girly crush on this guy, and really don't want to mess it up.

Help me look at good looking women without guilt.

convex — Thu, 20 Jul 2006 12:58:14 -0800

Why do good looking women make me nervous and guilty when looking at them? I have been noticing that speaking or interacting with a good looking woman makes me nervous as hell. While if they were average or even ugly I don't get nervous! Even looking at a woman in a certain setting, makes me guilty if she was good looking, but if she was average I don't have a problem.
It is almost like looking at a disfiguered person, I try not to look in order not to make them feel bad. Same guilt comes to me when looking at a sexy or cute woman! Maybe for different reasons that I don't know.
Is this something common or a well known behavior? And how do I get over it?

I'm odd enought already thank you very much!

clubfoote — Wed, 31 May 2006 12:53:32 -0800

Help!I think I'm "catching" a nervous tic. How can I stop this before it gets out of hand? Background:
I work in an open office with 6 others, not cramped but not overly spacious either. The co-worker who sits infront of me has a tic where he shakes his head back and forth from side to side, in a look right, look left motion. Its not constant, but still at least a few times a day. I noticed it immediately, and kind of smirked to myself, but otherwise it didn't bother me. I've been here about a month, and today I did it!

I know that its not contagous in the classic sense, so how can I avoid doing this regularly, since obviously the power of suggestion has started to take hold.

Inhibitory post synaptic effects in the PNS?

j-urb — Sun, 29 Jan 2006 16:33:22 -0800

Biopsychology extra credit question and I have no idea... "Why do you suppose activation of the first synapse of the parasympathetic nervous system produces excitatory post synaptic effects, but activation at some target organs produce inhibitory post synaptic effects (i.e. slowing down organ activity)?"

Do I have some form of colorblindness?

abcde — Tue, 29 Jun 2004 18:32:13 -0800

So I have some kind of color viewing impediment, but it seems rather nonstandard. [mi] It resembles red-green colorblindness - the only time I've taken the book test I've had in memory was just quickly, on request in LensCrafters, and that's what they said it looked like. I haven't remembered to ask the few times I've been to an actual ophthalmologist.

Well, first, with the green: I really think I can see green - I wouldn't describe the color of plants or Ask Mefi as a shade of anything, it looks like a color of its own, not like red. However, I'm not confident telling certain shades of light green from yellow, for example the buttons on this submission form. Green-yellow colorblindness? Green mixed in with other colors also occasionally throw me off, like a blue-green pillow can seem blue to me at first.

This all sounds like an inability to see green, but I really don't particularly see it as red, and besides that I do have a unique color I call green.

Also - and this is probably unrelated and may be normal for everyone - dark shades of bluish purple vs. blue, are hard but usually not impossible to tell.

How to get rid of a nervous tic in the eye

ascullion — Fri, 23 Jan 2004 02:42:35 -0800

I've had a nervous twitch in my left eye for four days now, and it's driving me mad. Any tips for getting rid?