Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with neighbour

How to help neighbour with barking dog?

Elfasi — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 09:06:43 -0800

New neighbour, new dog. Dog was home alone today(indoors), barking and howling, for the first time. Doesn't bother me one bit but I caught another neighbour outside, on the phone to the RSPCA (which seems an insane overreaction), to report this situation. What to do? How to help both neighbours and the dog be happy? Some background:

I live in the UK, own my house and have been there a few months. I'm getting my own dog very soon, you may find a question from me some months ago on that whole process.

My house and 3 others all join up back to back in a big block. New neighbour with dog is beside mine so we share a common wall. Neighbour with complaint is behind neighbour with dog and so shares a common wall with them. I just share a corner with complaint neighbour.

The new neighbour is renting and has permission for pets. She has a 2 year old male lab. They've been there just 3 days, no noise or barking till today, dog wasn't left alone till today.

Now there's plenty of advice around for stopping barking but I'm going to give benefit of the doubt for now and assume doggy needs time to adjust to the new place and will improve. But if a neighbour is calling the RSPCA after just 3 hrs, then suddenly I am quite concerned.

I like this new neighbour. I like her dog. I've already offered to walk and dogsit whenever I can. I want to help. But more than that, I want to foster a mutually beneficial relationship. I get my own dog next month. How wonderful to have a dog owner right next door, so we can help each other out! But, being a renter, just moved in, and already with phonecalls to the RSPCA, I can't help but think her position is suddenly very precarious.

I dont want to see her go, I see a very fruitful future together. But more than that, this could affect me in more direct ways. I get my dog next month. I don't intend to have a dog home alone, howling and barking all day, but what if I'm next on the RSPCA hit list? I'd love to try and fix this and reach an understanding first.

So, what to do? I'm going to give her the heads-up on the situation at least, and impress upon her that I'm home nearly every single lunchtime and I'm more than happy to check in on the guy, maybe even give him a walk. I'll suggest she makes nice with the neighbour if she can. I'll suggest she investigates methods to reduce separation anxiety if this continues beyond the settling in period from moving house. I want to help as much as I can.

Should I call the RSPCA and put my side? Should lady with dog? Should I chat to neighbour who complained? What to say? Assure her I'll be doing a lot to help reduce the noise problem? What do MeFites suggest?

Regarding Henry.

Wendy BD — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 10:24:50 -0800

I am concerned about the welfare of my ailing neighbour's cat. [Slightly long.] I live in an apartment building. I have been on good terms with my across-the-hall neighbour, Mr. S, for years. Mr. S is a retired gent, closing in on his eightieth birthday. We first met because occasionally he opens the door to his apartment so his cat can wander out into the hallway. All the neighbours on the floor know the cat, Henry by name, and most seem to stop to skritch his head when he is stretched out on the carpet. Early on, I realized that with his apartment door open, if I opened mine as well we got a nice cross-breeze in the summer (a great boon in our non-air-conditioned building). Henry seems to like me and my place a lot, and for my part I think the cat is great. Some days Henry spends an hour or three lazing around on my balcony, napping in the sunshine. Because of our friendship, Mr. S has always been the one I leave my spare keys with when I am out of town and need someone to water the plants. (Note: Mr S lives alone save for the cat, whom he dotes on. I suspect part of the reason that he lets Henry into the hallway is for the human contact that Henry brings his way.)

Earlier this week I was thinking that I had not seen Mr. S for a few days and wondered if he was ok. Wednesday of this week, I ran into another of our neighbours from the floor who mentioned that Mr. S was in the hospital with pneumonia. I headed over to the hospital later that day and found my neighbour there, on oxygen. The nurse warned me ahead of time that he had had a minor cardiac event and was "a little confused," so I was prepared for the worst, but he was actually doing pretty well. He was quite happy to see me, greeted me by name, and asked about my health and how my plants were doing.

After the pleasantries, the first thing he said was "I am sure you want to know about Henry." I did mention that I was concerned that Henry was being looked after when he was in the hospital. He said that he had been walking along when he had blacked out, and the next thing he knew he woke up in the hospital, so he had not made any prior arrangements. However, post-arrival he had managed to get in touch with the part-time caretaker of the building to feed Henry. Mr. S then asked how Henry was, and I said that I had not seen him in days -- the door had not been open and Henry had not been in the hall. Mr. S was disappointed by this news, as he knew Henry liked to come over to visit me. Mr. S then said, "I don't know why I didn't think of you to look after him -- he loves it over at your place." He then began giving me feeding instructions and tried to give me some money for the food... I said I'd be happy to take care of Henry but asked him to hold off until I was in touch with the part-time caretaker.

Ultimately I visited with Mr. S for an hour or two. The confusion that nurse had mentioned was slightly in evidence, as a couple of times he lost the thread of the conversation and wandered off to unrelated topics, but in general he seemed as with it as any septuagenarian. One thing that concerned me was that it seemed no one else had been in to see him for the week or so he had been in the hospital. I know he has kids who live many hours away but I have no idea what their relationship with him is. So far as I can tell, no one else in the building had been in, and my Get Well card was the only one on his bedside table. Indeed, the nurses assumed I was one of Mr S's kids, arrived at last. I told Mr. S I'd be back in to see him in a couple of days.

The next day I saw the caretaker. I mentioned that I had been in to see Mr. S and I asked the caretaker if he was still feeding Henry, and he said, "Not any more -- I gave him to someone else in the building..." This surprised me, as I didn't think Henry was really his to give away. He justified this by saying, "S isn't coming back." I mentioned that Mr. S had asked me to look after Henry and I would be happy to do so. The guy shrugged and said, "Well, I can ask, but I already gave them the cat, so it's theirs now." I am slightly concerned that the 'new owners' of the cat might decide that having a cat is not really for them and take Henry off to the SPCA or just dump him outside somewhere. As well, it seems less than perfect that Mr. S's wishes in this matter were apparently never asked and are now being ignored; it feels like the caretaker's laissez-faire attitude has trumped what Mr. S wants.

So there you go. I feel like I am in a small-scale, low-stakes version of what happens to some families after the incapacacitation of a parent: "Mom told me she wanted me to have the good china." "She never said that to me!"

So what do I do? Forget about this and assume Henry's new owners are fine people who will take care of him? Pursue this with the part-time caretaker? Tell Mr. S that his beloved cat has been given to away to some random people and have him get in touch with the caretaker so I can look after Henry as he asked? Get in touch with the new owners and let them know that if they find the cat too much, I would be happy to take him?

Noisy shower pump in dead of night

tulipwool — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 22:52:55 -0800

Why is my shower pump suddenly starting up when the shower is off but hot water is used elsewhere? Can it be stopped? The pump was installed about 18 months ago when we had a shower room added. It's in the airing cupboard with the hot water tank. It was always noisy, but worked fine. Lately I've been hearing it start up for just a second when hot taps are turned on and off, which seemed odd but wasn't a problem. Then yesterday we had our kitchen sink and taps replaced, and using the hot tap afterwards I could hear the shower pump pulsing on and off very quickly. I got it to stop by turning the tap on and off again and hoped the problem would sort itself out. Then at 3am the washing machine turned itself on and the shower pump began to pulse, waking us up. It's never responded to the washing machine before, but of course the attachments all had to be taken off and replaced when the sink was changed, so something must be different.
The worrying thing is my neighbour seems to be an insomniac and had already complained about my running the washing machine at night. (Which I have to do as my electricity is Economy 7.) I expect an irate visit as soon as the sun comes up, especially as the noise started up again a second time when I thought I had turned the shower pump off and restarted the washing machine. A thick white wire runs from the pump to a switch and fuse, still in the airing cupboard, labelled 'heating and hot water'. When I turned it off the clock display for my timed central heating went out and I assumed the shower pump would be off too, but it managed to run anyway. I can't see any other switch that might turn it off, or any other electrical supply attached to it.
Googling for problems with shower pumps has suggested that the pulsing on and off problem could be due to the boiler heating the water too much (though it is already set at 60 Celsius) or to air in the pipes, but why is it coming on at all when the shower is not on?

I'd be very grateful for any advice. I don't dare turn the washing machine on until my neighbour has gone to work now, and the same may happen with the taps - I don't dare to try them either yet! More details in case they help: there is an electric immersion heater for water but it is not used and is switched off (switch outside the airing cupboard), the washing machine has red and blue hoses attached to hot and cold pipes under the kitchen sink, the water is heated by gas from a back boiler which I have checked yearly - most recently only a couple of weeks ago - the central heating is through radiators, it's a semi-detached house so I only have the one neighbour to worry about but she's very bad tempered, I'm in England, and the pump has 'Wickes Twin Impeller' written on it. Thank you for reading, sorry about the length.

Live (smoke-) free or move, but we really don't want to move.

synecdoche — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 15:17:02 -0800

My partner and I have been living in our apartment since May. On the first of December, new tenants moved into the apartment two floors below us. They are both heavy smokers, and now we can smell it throughout our apartment, and the stairwell and hallway between our apartments, all the time. We don't like this very much, but what can we do? So, long story short, they moved in. We started to smell smoke, to the point that it was affecting our enjoyment of our own living space. About two weeks after the new tenants moved in, we told the landlord about the situation. While we don't begrudge the new tenants' wish to smoke in their own space, the smoke was starting become a major irritant. We were out of town for a few weeks for the holidays, and before we left, the building manager (who also lives in the building) let us know that they were aware of the situation and trying to take steps to address it. This included posting "No Smoking" signs throughout the building and mailing a letter to each tenant (we assume; at least, we got one) that the building was smoke-free and anybody who wished to smoke should do so outside. (He also told us that there are some other problems with these tenants, but nothing that can really justify any action being taken against them.)

We came back after our holiday this past weekend, and the problem is as bad, if not worse, than ever. We talked to the landlord, and he said that he is sympathetic to us but there's little he can do as there's nothing officially in their lease that prohibits them smoking in their own dwelling. As for the smell in our place, he suggested that there might be some irregularity with the airflow in the building that makes their smoke come up (two floors) to our apartment. He said he would "look into" providing us with an air purifier and that he'd talk to them again about being more considerate (the tenant who lives directly below us smokes as well, but we've never had a problem with him because he keeps it to one room and opens the window) but so far the situation hasn't improved at all. I've seen their window open, but only about a centimeter. We've opened our windows to try to clear the air, but it being February in Ontario, this isn't entirely desirable and we don't think we should be paying the extra hydro charges to keep our apartment warm with the windows open.

This is exceedingly frustrating; my partner has had a headache each night since we returned from our holidays and both of us have had irritated eyes from the smoke to say nothing of the other potential health issues associated with secondhand smoke. We can also smell it in our clothing now. (This isn't just the odd whiff of smoke; it feels like we live above a Legion hall.) In any case, it ultimately comes down to us being uncomfortable in our own home.

Aside from the steps we have taken, what else can we do? We can't really enjoy living here, in an apartment we otherwise love, anymore. Our lease is up at the end of April, but we really don't want to move, and as students on a fixed income, can't afford to break the lease. Our landlord, however, has been considerate and done all he can really do. We're not comfortable speaking to the other tenants directly for reasons I would prefer not to disclose publicly.

We are in Ontario, if it makes any kind of a difference. I've read previous AskMe questions but we're really at our wits' ends and are hoping for some help from the hivemind.

Help me find a way to move to Toronto from the US

DoctorFedora — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 21:07:46 -0800

Two Americans a year out of college, hoping to find some way to move to Toronto. Is this even plausible? Toronto sounds like just the place I want to live, after talking about it at length with a friend of a friend today who is from there. The problem is that I don't even live in Canada, and I don't know how to get there from here!

My girlfriend and I both graduated from college in 2006 and 2007 (she in December '06, and I in August '07), she with a bachelor's degree in business administration with a focus on marketing, and I with degrees in each of English and Japanese. She worked in retail for a while after graduation (she moved in with me as I finished up college and worked at the local Sears and volunteered at an animal rehabilitation center), and ever since October, when we both wound up having to go back to live with our respective parents (hundreds of miles apart), she's been working part-time for both her local NPR affiliate and her local food co-op, and I've been working as the Publicity Manager and a technical writer, as well as an administrative assistant.

I've been doing mostly publicity, marketing, writing (both technical and non), editing, simple advertisement and brochure design, and administrative stuff, and would hopefully like to break into the publishing industry (or perhaps journalism or tech or any of a number of other industries), although I'd simply be happy with something reasonably interesting with a non-toxic work environment and the ability to work and live in Toronto. My qualifications involve being good with computers (i.e. I do the extended family's tech support and am familiar with Windows, Mac OS, *NIX, Office, etc., but none of it is certified on paper) and being a rather strong editor, though using Chicago style, for someone a year out of college.

My girlfriend likes working with nonprofits and community involvement, though she also quite enjoys marketing work — there's a reason she majored in it! She's managed many teams in her years in retail, but never held a management position on paper. Like I said, she currently works for her local NPR affiliate, in the marketing department, and at her local food co-op, as a co-op person (i.e. knows how to do pretty much everything around the store).

I guess my question is whether we'd have any chance whatsoever of hoping to find employment in Toronto that would be able to lead to getting visas to live there. I've learned it's hard enough for me to even try to find work in other cities within the United States, and I suspect that it'd be even harder when I'm a foreigner who's freshly out of college. A Canadian buddy of mine recommended looking for a smaller company, in the expectation that they would be less likely to be inundated with applications (i.e. I'd be more likely to be the best qualified for a given position) but I don't even know how to go about that. We each have about $3,000 US in savings, she owns her car outright, and I have about $550 in monthly minimum student loan repayments hanging around my neck.

Help me find a plan of action, hive mind! Please!

Help me deal with a baby noisy neighbour.

Mwongozi — Fri, 02 May 2008 12:18:57 -0800

Help me deal with a noisy neighbour. Difficulty: Neighbour is one month old. I live in mid-terrace house. (In the UK, if it matters.) Recently one neighbour acquired a young baby, and this baby likes to scream. A lot. Especially at night.

The baby sleeps in a room which is on the other side of a wall to my bed, and their parents don't seem too interested in (or perhaps they're simply unable) stopping it from screaming.

It is interrupting my sleep and even during the day the sound of a screaming baby is annoying, and stressful.

What should I do? Go next door and tell them? Even if I did, what could they do? I feel somewhat trapped!

Bye bye finger, hello courtroom?

jkaczor — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 09:44:45 -0800

Neighbour sheers off 1/4 finger looking after another's house. Should he sue? Ok - this is for my neighbours. They are all nice, reasonable people. The one set (A) are a nice couple - ministers who travel extensively (lucky if they are home one week out of four).

The other (B) is a nice retired gentleman. Over the last several years he has looked after A's house while they were away - plant watering, check-up's, ensure no disasters are occuring (burst pipes, etc.).

B also picks A up from the airport using A's car.

Several weeks ago, B went to get A's car out of their garage to pick them up - and the garage door would not open/close properly.

B (a handy guy, who has taught me a thing or two about garage doors since I moved here) - unhooked it from the chain, and opened it. Then he move the car outside.

Then, B tried to close the garage door. But it was stuck (in the open position). B put his hands above his head, in-between door & frame - and pulled. The garage door became unstuck, garage door was not attached to chain, garage door came down very fast and forcibly.

Garage door took approximately 1/4 of B's finger with it. I helped B get to the hospital while my wife picked up A.

B has been in much pain. B has definately lost the 1/4 finger (my non-squeamish wife found it, we put it on ice and took it with us to the hospital - but it is not healing well.) B has other, serious health considerations that weaking his immune system with a stupid injury is not a good idea.

A has had "issues" with their garage door previously (we noticed it sticking, not opening/closing, etc.)

Should B sue? Isn't this what insurance is for? This is in Canada - does that really make a difference?

In the interests of neighbourly relations - should B not sue? (Does it really matter, if they have insurance - technically a freakish accident shouldn't raise rates?)

What can I get as a leaving present for my good neighbour?

handee — Thu, 31 May 2007 07:15:55 -0800

I'd like to get a gift for my neighbour, as we're moving out soon. They've invited us over for "A Banquet" to say bye (which is fab!). Pertinent details: she's friendly, about 60ish, Islamic, from Bangladesh, she likes growing vegetables. She's been a good neighbour over the last 7 years, but partly due to the language barrier, I haven't a clue what she likes to do. Any suggestions? Her 4 kids have grown up, and some of them hang around still. There are small children in the house - her grandkids - and I have considered that maybe buying something for them might be good (actually I will probably get something for them anyway, but I'd like to get something specifically for The Matriarch, and to be honest the kids come and go so much I'm not entirely sure how many of them there are). Most of our exchanges have been in the garden and mostly conducted through sign language - she brings me food whenever there's a family do, I have in the past given her various plants (a bay tree, a head of rhubarb, coriander shoots, that sort of thing). Her kids, of course, speak proper English but getting hold of one of them to ask is hard as I'm never quite sure who's living there at any one time.

Help me diffuse a neighbour dispute...

gwenzel — Wed, 08 Nov 2006 09:05:14 -0800

I want to avoid a feud with my neighbour - what is the best way to go about doing this? Of course there's... Here's the background: I live in an upper-middle-class suburban neighbourhood. The neighbours are generally friendly, respectful people, with one exception - the people next door. They appear to be a nuclear family (mom, dad, two university-aged kids).

These people have assorted junk strewn about their yard (garbage cans, aquariums, etc) and their back deck is literally falling apart. In short, their back yard is an eyesore.

I could live with the back yard looking crappy, but a few years ago they left a rusted-out deep freeze sitting on their front driveway. After it was there for three weeks (!) I called the city's bylaw enforcement department, who came out and sent an official request that the junk be removed from their driveway (if they don't do it after the official request, they get fined). I know I should have just asked them to move the freezer before calling the city, but I didn't know them or want to have much to do with them.

This past weekend their son had friends over. One of the friends was kind enough to park his truck such that it was completely blocking my driveway. I was pissed off, went over and rang the doorbell, and asked that they have the truck moved. To their credit, the owner of the vehicle did move it right away, but I made sure that I voiced my displeasure about his poor parking decisions, pointing out that there were plenty of parking spots on the other side of the street that wouldn't block any driveways. The son and his friends came out, and seemed surprised that I was pissed off.

This morning I ran into the mom out front, and tried to ask her to remind their guests not to block my driveway. This deteriorated into a shouting match complete with assorted insults (going both ways) and several complaints from me about their yard, parking choices, etc. It became clear that these people don't like me because I called the bylaw people a few years ago (I knew they always suspected it was me, but I confirmed it for them this morning). The main insult that the mom had for me was to call me "a woman", which I found most ironic given her gender.

Anyhow, I've now calmed down and want to put this dispute behind me. I don't want this problem to escalate. Here's my plan:

- I will bring over a peace offering after work today, and sincerely apologize for calling the city before talking to them, and for any insult or offence I caused this morning and last weekend.

- If they don't accept the apology, I will leave the peace offering on their step, and let them know that they know where to find me if they want to put the dispute in the past.

After all that, here's my questions:

1) Is the above plan a good idea? Should I apologize ASAP, or wait a few days?

2) What is an appropriate peace offering in this situation? I was thinking something like a coffee gift basket or something similar?

3) The family is of Asian descent (Chinese, I think). Are there any cultural mores that I should know about that would let me handle this situation without creating more insults?

4) Any other advice from people who have had similar disputes? Any other advice at all?

Tearin down the house

mikel — Sat, 08 Jul 2006 21:09:58 -0800

I bumped into my neighbour the other day and he asked to meet with us and his neighbours on the other side. Apparently it is a legal requirement in Ontario that when you undertake serious renovations that you discuss it with the neighbours. So I asked him what he planned on doing. His response: we're going to demolish the existing house and build a new one. In the long run this is nothing but a good thing. We live in a good neighbourhood and his house is the ugliest on the street, so a good job should be good for me (we'll sell in 4-5 years) and everyone else on the street I suppose.

But in the short term what kinds of things can/should we be checking into when we meet with the owner, builder, and architect tomorrow? We have dogs, so I'm going to need assurances that the fence between our houses is never breached. As well, I suppose that they'll need some kind of insurance in case some activity related to the building affects our (100 year old stone) foundation. Can we make requests about the starting time in the morning (beyond what bylaws allow) for power tools or something like that?

What else should I be looking at in this situation?

Im having trouble with my 90 year old neighbour. HELP

spinko — Mon, 03 Jul 2006 01:58:03 -0800

Problems with my Neighbour Filter: Im having trouble with my 90 year old neighbour. I live in a ground floor flat and she lives above us. I play music in the daytime as I work from home at a normal level. She is always reporting me to the council saying that I am a nuisance neighbour, HELP! The contract stats that I cannot play music between the hours of 11pm to 7am, so I dont. I have been living in the same ground floor flat for over 6 years and my neighbour makes it a habbit to report me every 6 months. She is a 90 year old that doesnt like neighbours.

The last time she got the council around was because we installed a ceiling fan and she didnt like it. We are now forced to not use the fan at all.

Before we moved in we found out that she used to report the previous tenant all the time. She has nothing better to do as she is always in the house and never leaves.

The problem I now have is that my wife is pregnant and whenever she reports us it gets her really stressed. I havnt told my wife as she will do her nut and I cant afford her to get stressed this early in the pregnancy. My housing accociation is not coming around to talk with me, this sounds serious even though we havnt done anything wrong. I dont know what I can do to start reporting the 90 year old of stress, im even thinking of taking legal action against her.

I get on well with the other tenants and Im thinking of getting a report from them about the problem neighbour. I know she is 90 but she is a pain in the arse.

Another problem is that I play the Acoustic Guitar, I only play it in the daytime. Im now scared of playing it because of the neighbour.

Is their any advice you can give me about what I can do?

"Borrowing WIFI"

Keith Talent — Sat, 23 Apr 2005 11:36:53 -0800

So, as it turns out, my laptop links to someone elses wireless network at here at home. What are the implications of surfing via someone elses internet connection?

Where's My Tree?

jragon — Thu, 22 Jul 2004 20:04:01 -0800

My neighbor cut down my tree. [MI] The tree in question is clearly on our side of the fence, and wasn't even hanging over on his side, so we can't figure out what he was thinking.

I went next door to talk to him, but his wife doesn't speak English very well, and said he wasn't going to be home until later.

So far, we've taken pictures of the splintered trunk and the branches in his truck. He's apparently cutting down a lot of things in his backyard, but our tree would have taken special effort to reach.

Has anyone been in this sort of situation before? My plan is to talk to him, get the story, and barring some reasonable explanation I can't imagine right now, I'm going to imply and then ask for him to pay for it. Suggestions? Horror stories? Moral support?

What can I do about a noisy DJ neighbor?

Grod — Sat, 13 Dec 2003 11:19:29 -0800

OK, so the guy who lives beneath me thinks he's a DJ, and he's driving me and my GF nuts. Any advice on how to set up an electromagnetic field that is a>powerful enough to fry his equipment, and b>directional? [more inside] Oh yeah, this is all hypothetical I've tried everything else, asking politely, talking to the management company, offering a crap load of cash if he'll just stop it, nothing works. The management claims the volume is at an acceptable level. I agree, an hour of that is perfectly acceptable, its when you suffer through 8 hours straight of bass that shakes your windows and endless drum loops that I start contemplating murder. This just seems like a less drastic but still satisfying solution.