Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with neighbors

The company located next to my house won't stop spraying paint fumes.

Anonymous — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 09:02:45 -0800

The company located next my house sprays noxious paint fumes into the air and my yard. Despite years of trying to get them to stop, they haven't. What are the next steps to take? My significant other and I have been renting a house for several years that we love. It's wonderful. The rent is cheap, the place is beautiful, and we don't want to move. However, there is one big thing that sucks, and that is our neighbor. Our house is next to an industrial-zoned area, and one of our closest neighbors (a couple lots away) is a company that creates industrial metal products (don't want to get too specific in case we pursue legal action.) Every day, including on the weekends, they spray paint outdoors. You can hear the paint sprayers, but the issue is the constant presence of paint fumes. We can't use our yard because it stinks like paint. We can't open the windows in our home on the side that faces their building. We are afraid to plant food in our garden. We're worried about our health.

We looked up our city's zoning code, and it clearly states in several places that a company in an industrial zone like theirs cannot create fumes or any sort of health hazard that affects nearby residents. A few years ago, we had the city investigate, and they found that the company was violating city code in many ways. However, since then, every time I ask the city for an update, there is always some song and dance about how they are "working on it" and I don't get much more than that. In the meantime, the paint spraying continues.

We tried to be neighborly and approached the company, but we didn't get much more than a shrug and a "sorry, it's our business" type of response. I also called the county last year and had them come out to do an air inspection. They inspected and their response was that the company was technically under the legal level of air toxins/emissions/whatever, but the inspector also leveled with me and was like yeah, it's probably not good to be breathing that in. I also approached our landlord (who lives out of town), and while he was kind of like "yeah, that's bad", he's pretty hands-off and I'm not sure I can get him to get gung-ho on this issue.

I'm so frustrated. We're not in a situation right now where we want to move - it would be a huge pain in the butt and an unneeded financial hit. As I said, everything else about the house is amazing. What would you do in my situation? Should we hire a lawyer? Or should we just suck it up and get an air filter and never open our windows again?

How to drown out neighbors' loud music?

Frowner — Sun, 28 Apr 2013 17:23:46 -0800

Neighbors play norteño music really, really loudly all day on many weekend days through the summer. The particular rhythms and thumping quality of the music make it very, very hard to ignore, so I can't read or do anything that requires concentration when it is playing. Asking them to turn it down is not an option. Even closing my windows does nothing, sadly. Are there any particular mechanical ways to cancel/mute very loud noises like this? I would pay almost any money not to go through this again this summer, especially since they seem to have a new sound system that is such that I can't even really sleep through the music, so it just kills my whole day unless I go out.

What to do about crappy vandal neighbor kids... a bit wordy/snowy inside

leemleem — Mon, 15 Apr 2013 09:20:02 -0800

Do I continue to 'play dumb' and continue to make attempts to just be a friendly neighbor (while still calling the police for extreme disturbances)? Do I make the police cookies and ask for them to drive my block more often? I hear my neighbors yelling and cursing frequently. There is a constantly rotating cast of characters and I still don't even know who actually lives in the house next to me. I've tried introducing myself and they'll say "hello" but never introduce themselves. When I've tried to go over to initiate introductions myself, they don't answer the door. It's possible there's some kind of drug dealing going on too, cars are constantly pulling up and honking 16x extremely rudely.

Yes, I'm a first time homeowner; yes, it's an "up and coming" neighborhood...I'm in the still-rough edges of a downtown revival. I've lived in rough neighborhoods for most of my adult life and never really had problems, besides street harassment.

I've only called the police once, when some of the teenage-looking kids were throwing glass bottles into the street in the middle of the night so that they broke everywhere. The police came quickly and supervised the kids sweeping up the street...I can only assume they were underage and drunk, yet somehow the police didn't seem to be worried about that aspect of things.

I've considered calling the police for possible child abuse since it often sounds like the mother is screaming obscenities at the younger children, but the mother and one of the teenage boys actually sound very similar. Also the yelling tends not to go on for too long. And the mother (maybe? like I said, I can't keep track of who everyone is) seems the most normal and approachable. (for example, once I bought freezer pops for the younger kids and asked permission from the mom to give them to the kids, she said it was fine, but when i came back out with the pops, the kids were getting corralled into the car. it didn't seem like they were just doing this to get away, more like they just had somewhere to be.)

Come July, I'll have been here a year. FWIW, these people are the same race as me, as much as I can tell.

Right now I'm extremely disheartened because I spent a few hours this past Saturday starting a garden bed like this one: http://www.thisgardenisillegal.com/uploaded_images/record-edging-720846.jpg

And two days later the records had been ripped up from the ground, and some were thrown around. I didn't have time to investigate because I was hurrying to work. If it wasn't kids that actually live next door I'm 99% positive that they know who it was. Do I remain stoic and just re-edge my garden with more records? Do I let that particular design rest until gentrification takes firmer hold? Do I continue to 'play dumb' and continue to make attempts to just be a friendly neighbor (while still calling the police for extreme disturbances)? Do I make the police cookies and ask for them to drive my block more often?

I know I didn't sign up for an easy row to hoe by buying in a dicey neighborhood, but the neighborhood I lived in before this was actually worse, and like I said, I've lived in rough neighborhoods all my adult life and never been really bothered by it.

more FWIW, I'm a female in my 30's but get told I look younger...I'm also typically feminine-looking but I have a fair amount of tattoos, so I also sometimes get told I look tough (I used to train MMA too). I am a quiet polite respectful neighbor (and person in general) and just want to be left alone, but I am obviously pissed about this.

I have a male tenant/roommate and lots of male friends. I'm a feminist but I'm not above having a tough male ally by my side if I need to confront them. My roommate isn't particularly physically intimidating and there would be logistical issues of having a bigger friend come by just to confront them.

I know that I'm still emotional about this, but hope me metafilter please!

How should we deal with the neighbor's cat?

steinwald — Fri, 29 Mar 2013 15:55:24 -0800

We live in a residential neighborhood in a small city. A neighbor's cat sometimes spends time in our backyard. It has left dead birds and a dead rabbit in our yard. It has also used our garden beds as a litter box. We have a small child. There is an active neighborhood organization. What is the most socially appropriate response? Here are our ideas.
(1) Bag up all the dead animals and put them on the neighbor's porch
(2) Call animal control
(3) Confront the neighbor and tell them that they need to somehow restrain/control the cat or keep it indoors
(4) Find some plants/spices (cayenne?) that we can put in the yard that repel cats
(5) Ignore it and clean up the messes, this is normal cat behavior and a sort of inevitable part of interacting with the outdoors.

Any other recommended approaches would also be welcome! Thanks!

Keep it down up there.

sucre — Mon, 25 Feb 2013 10:35:06 -0800

Is there anything to be done about (probably unintentionally) loud neighbors? My boyfriend and I live in an older (1920s), 20-some unit brownstone. We moved in last September and our current upstairs neighbors moved in sometime in November.

Since they moved in, the neighbors (a couple) have been somewhat noisy: stomp-walking at late hours and early hours (2am, 6am) is the main issue. They seem to move furniture around at those odd hours and they have come home at 2am yelling/crying a few times. Their walking in the morning with shoes on wakes up both myself and my boyfriend (we both wear earplugs). This is the main concern as it happens almost every day.

Some weeks after they moved in, I wrote them a very polite note asking if they wouldn't mind not wearing shoes in the early morning hours. I blamed the building for being so un-soundproof and said to please let us know if we were ever too noisy. I didn't hear anything back but think they may have made an effort to be quieter for a week or two. Maybe writing notes is just a totally bad idea.

One interesting thing is that the previous upstairs neighbors had an infant and we hardly heard them, so I know that it's possible to be quieter. Now, I will understand if I'm being a huge wimp about this and this is a fact of apartment living. Just tell me. Writing a second note seems like overkill, as well as passive-aggressive. I just don't want to get so annoyed that I pull a broom-banging tactic or stomp upstairs in my pajamas angrily to yell at them. Any ideas?

(Part of the problem, too, is that I assume everyone is doing annoying things on purpose, when in reality the neighbors probably don't realize how loud they're being. I have a hard time being courteous [trying to be quiet for the people below us] and realizing that other people sometimes don't have the same level of courtesy. I am talking about this in therapy :)

Getting back to sleep

antonymous — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 07:44:36 -0800

How can I get back to sleep quickly after being awoken in the middle of the night? First - a wee bit of background - I moved into a new place a few months ago, and noticed after the first week or so that the creaking from the hardwood floors is really loud, especially from the unit above me. I figured that I'd get used to it and that my body and sleep schedule would adjust, but that doesn't appear to be happening.

The couple that lives above me doesn't do anything that's intentionally loud, but I can definitely hear loud floorboard creaking with every single footstep taken, especially in the bedroom, which is right above mine. In addition, I can hear one of them getting ready early in the morning (around 6 or 7 AM) - the opening and closing of drawers, occasionally setting/dropping things on the floor, etc. Once I hear this, it's generally difficult for me to get back to sleep.

Last night, the more heavy-footed of my upstairs couple comes home after bar close (around 2AM) and it takes him/her about 20-30 minutes to finally get to bed. They weren't stumbling around or anything, but since I woke up as soon as they set foot in the bedroom, it seemed like an eternity before they finally made it into bed. At that point I was so frustrated with my inability to control whether I could sleep or not that I just got more and more upset and my mind started racing - I think I finally got back to sleep around 4:30, a full two hours after I had been awoken. This is especially frustrating because I made a concerted effort to get to bed early, and as I write this I'm feeling the exact opposite of what I had hoped for.

So I'd like to take a bit more control of this situation and was hoping for advice along a few lines, and to see how others have dealt with similar issues in the past. First, is it safe and effective to use those little disposable foam earplugs during sleep on a regular basis? I prefer falling asleep with the radio on as background noise, but could live without it if it means a full night of sleep.

Second, are there any effective strategies for getting back to sleep after being suddenly awoken? I know that most "things that go bump in the night" are one-time events, but sometimes due to the nature of living below neighbors, I have no control over how long it takes them to get ready in the morning or what time they come home at night. I'd prefer not to confront my neighbors, as I don't think their actions

Third, am I not even asking the right question here and should I just break my lease and find a different place to live? I have no experience doing that, and I'm only a few months into a year-long lease. I like the location but nothing else about my unit is special - now that I think more about it, I'd been planning to move at the end of my lease anyway. I've lived in similar buildings in the past and have never heard as much from my neighbors as I have in this one.

How am I supposed to feel about property lines?

ndg — Mon, 28 Jan 2013 08:57:58 -0800

My wife and I bought our first house about a month ago, and for the first time in our adult lives, we have our own little back yard (typical Chicago-size, maybe 900 sqft). We don't have kids. There's a fence between our yard and one neighbor, but no fence between our backyard and the backyard of the other neighbor. They have several kids between ages 6 and 11. I've looked out the window and seen them running between our yards on a few occasions, and I've found their toys in my yard a few times. (I've just tossed them back when I have.) This isn't really a big deal in and of itself, but I get the distinct feeling that I'm going to be seeing a lot more of these kids and their toys once the weather warms up. What should I do? Obviously, there's no malicious intent here - their yard is a little smaller than ours, so I can't blame the kids for wanting to stretch their legs a bit. For all I know, the previous owners may even have encouraged the kids to use their/our yard. Having said that, my wife and I have waited a long time to have our own space and don't want to always be picking up after the neighbor kids. We've met the parents (briefly) - they seem nice, and I'd like to get to know them better before asking them to get their kids off my lawn (which would definitely peg me as a crank and probably wouldn't make much difference).

So, hive mind, what would you do? Be happy that this is my biggest problem and get over it? Wait until I find them bouncing basketballs off my garage and yell at them? Their house is *right* on the property line, so a fence is kind of a nuclear option (plus $$$). My current favorite plan at the moment is to start a narrow garden near the property line come spring, which is slightly passive-agressive, but seems somewhat preferable to an out-of-the-blue request to corral your kids.

House is full of toxic fumes from neighbor's renovation -- what to do?

Deathalicious — Tue, 04 Dec 2012 19:20:01 -0800

The workers renovating the unoccupied twin (semi-attached) house adjoining ours have been using various solvents of unknown origin. Whatever they are, the smell is terrible. I peeked through the windows of the house and it looks like they might be sealing the floors with polyeurothane. They're not ventilating the house and they close all the windows at night. Due to health concerns we have left the house and are staying at a hotel for the night. I would like to know what risks, if any, there exist from these kinds of fumes, what I can do to resolve this, and whether it's at all possible to get some kind of compensation from the house's owner.
I'm pretty upset about this. This is not the first evening we have had problems with fumes. We even called the fire department once because it genuinely smelled like a gas leak coming in through the shared wall into our basement. I suspect that whoever owns this house is trying to flip it as cheaply as possible and is going with cheap and fast drying (and therefore not low-VOC paints, primers, etc.)

We've tolerated the loud noise and dealt with the fumes as best as we can in the past, including opening all of the windows and using every fan in the house, along with a window fan. This time it just didn't work: the fumes are everywhere and smells genuinely toxic.

Just to be clear: a twin home is basically two mirror-image homes built into a single building with a shared separating wall. It's very common in the neighborhood where we live.

New house turns out to be next door to registered sex offender. Now what?

Anonymous — Mon, 26 Nov 2012 15:05:48 -0800

Moved into a picture perfect suburban neighborhood. Just found out my nice next door neighbor is registered sex offender. How worried should I be? How and when do I talk to my kids? So we moved into this nice suburban neighborhood. Friendly people walking their dogs wishing each other good morning etc. I was planning on having our new neighbors over for an open house soon to get to know them better - so far they've mostly been super cool people, coming by to say hi, helping me once or twice when I was doing yard stuff that I needed help with. Idyllic. I've been telling all my friends how nice my new neighbors are.

So yesterday I was checking on the spelling of one neighbor's name because I was writing the family a note, when lo and behold up pops the Google result referencing the dad's sex offender status. There is no date or location on the record, only the crime: lewd/lascivious activity with child under age of 14.

I called the local PD to see if they would share any useful info. I was hoping they would tell me it was... I don't know. Something long ago and unpleasant but maybe not monstrous? Something that would put my mind at ease that whatever it was he did, it wasn't something I need to worry about him doing to my kids. But they wouldn't tell me anything, not even a date or jurisdiction of arrest. It could have been thirty years ago or last year, there's no info.

So... does anyone have any good advice for me?

My kids are little, not yet at an age where they're outside unsupervised. Any thoughts re when they ought to be told to be on particular guard re this neighbor?

Is anyone here involved in law enforcement and have knowledge of the CA 288(a) statute and its application? I understand it can be an enormous range of stuff, ranging from unpleasant to straight up evil, is that right? Anyone have experience with this population? Anyone know if the missing data re date and place suggests it was long ago and/or in a different jurisdiction?

The PD suggested asking the guy about it. I... can't really imagine how that conversation would go? Any thoughts?

From my reading of the statute it appears that prison time is mandatory. Any ideas how I could find out if this guy has a parole officer I could/should talk to? This is in Santa Clara County, CA.

He's been a great neighbor so far and shown no interest in the kids, but they have lots of cute pets that my kids like to engage with. Do I have to tell them to not pet the nice doggie etc? In general, would I do better to get to know their family better or to keep them at longer arms' distance?

Anonymous because I just don't know what the ramifications are to my household and the whole thing is gross and awful and scary and I'm processing and not ready to talk about it with my name on it.

Help us kill rats without collateral damage

Ignatius J. Reilly — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 12:12:06 -0800

How to kill rats that don't live in my property without killing squirrels, pets, children or neighbors? NOTE: this is a "how-to" question, not a "should I" question, though I am considering that separately and am not decided. I am gathering information, not forming a definite plan for action.

My wife and I just moved into a small rental house in a pretty dense hillside neighborhood in the East Bay (Albany/El Cerrito/Richmond area). We are expecting a baby in less than 3 months. There is a nice yard with some citrus trees and rose bushes, but it's generally well-maintained and clear. Our next-door neighbors' yard is not clear or maintained at all. They have fruit trees that just deposit fruit on the ground, and there are large palms from which dead fronds are not removed. There are also large woodpiles in their yard directly against their house.

They have a pretty serious infestation of roof rats/black rats/rattus rattus. The rats live in their fruit trees, run through their gutters, and scurry across the top of the shared fence as well as across a cross board on our side of that fence (there are holes on either side of the span they go in and out of). The closest fruit tree of ours to this fence area is a fig tree that is still producing fruit right now, and there are very clear nibbles/chunks bitten out of some of the figs, though these could definitely be from squirrels. I can confirm that there are at least 3 individual adults, and I am pretty sure I saw a fourth (to be clear, I mean that I spotted these distinct individuals at the same time, so I'm sure I'm not double-counting the same couple rats over and over).

This is alarming because it seems to me (I am not an expert) that black rats are a legitimate concern for spreading diseases such as salmonella to humans on a level that squirrels, pigeons and other more typical urban wildlife are not. Also, rational or not, my wife and I both have a strong aversion to sharing our living space with rats and in terms of municipal laws/codes that aversion seems to have some bit of legal standing.

Soooo... We called our landlord, she called the neighbors, and the neighbors freaked. They like the rats and think we need to respect the rats' right to exist. The landlord agrees with us that this is a problem that needs to be solved. Landlord then (not at our request) contacted the city directly, which caused even greater freaking out from the neighbor. They won't talk to my wife or me and show no indication of being willing to cooperate.

Now, I hope that this is resolved reasonably. I hope that the neighbor can start keeping their yard in a way that doesn't harbor rats, or become more active about getting rid of their existing infestation. But I am afraid that if they don't the city will kill these rats using poisons or methods that aren't good for the neighborhood, my dog, or our future kid. Therefore I would like to have a backup plan, if one is even possible, to dispatch this existing population quickly and effectively before it gets out of control.

So that leads to my question: How do we kill these motherfucking rats effectively without collateral damage?

You can't sit under your apple tree unless you gimme dem apples!

HopperFan — Sat, 06 Oct 2012 09:36:01 -0800

How best to ask my neighbors if I can gather their apples? I live next to a house that has a beautiful little apple tree in the backyard. From the couple of times I've seen the occupants of the house, I think at least a couple of early 20-something guys live there (this is a campus neighborhood).

I didn't ask about the initial haul of apples in September, because I thought - well, it's their tree, maybe they want them. Last week, someone came by to mow and clean up the yard, and the whole load of apples went straight into the dumpster out back. That was kind of sad.

There's still quite a few good apples left on the tree, and some on the ground, so I'd like to ask the neighbors if I can harvest them.

This is complicated by the fact that these guys don't ever seem to be home (I've gone over and knocked a couple of times) - so I'd like to leave a note.

So - what kind of note from a neighbor would make you more amenable to apple sharing?

Note : I can't just go over and get the apples, they'd have to let me in - their entire back yard is surrounded by a 7 foot high wooden fence.

How can I deal with my neighbor's cigarette smoke drifting into my apartment?

whitelily — Sat, 29 Sep 2012 13:50:42 -0800

How can I deal with my neighbor's cigarette smoke drifting into my apartment? I live in an apartment in NYC. Recently I've noticed that my apartment smells like cigarette smoke, and I hate it. It's unpleasant and it's making me feel a little sick. I asked the super to come over and he smelled it too and said he was pretty sure my downstairs neighbor is smoking and it's coming up into my apartment through a vent that is already closed but not hermetically sealed. He was sympathetic but said there isn't anything he can do about it. (I'm not even sure if this is the whole problem because another area of the apartment that isn't near the vent smells strongly of smoke as well.)

I think I'm only noticing this now because the weather has gotten cooler and my neighbor probably smoked outside (or with his windows open) when it was warmer. I'm not looking forward to a whole fall/winter of living in cigarette smoke.

I guess my question has two parts:

1) What should I do right now? I have no desire to ask the neighbor to stop smoking because he's within his right to smoke in his apartment and I'm sure my asking him to stop wouldn't do any good anyway. If you've had this problem, what helped? Can you recommend a specific brand of air filter or any other solution?

2) What should I do long term? Obviously I could move to a new apartment but it would be a crapshoot as to whether I experience this problem in my next place (this is the second apartment I've had with this issue). Is a house in the burbs the only solution?

Thanks for any advice!

Drug Dealer Neighbors With Barking Dogs

KoiPond — Fri, 14 Sep 2012 16:55:50 -0800

My neighbor's dogs wake me up at all hours of the night barking. It is taking its toll on my well being and capacity to work. It's actually a big big problem that is not fixed by ear plugs and multiple sources of white noise. I am literally surrounded by white noise. The big problem? I'm fairly certain they are drug dealers. I have tried to handle the noise in a low key straightforward manner, acting as if they wer not drug dealers. Someone tipped off the landlord though about the barking and they blame me for "tattling". In addition, their many dogs, all pitbulls, frequently get out or are let out to roam the neighborhood. On the day before the landlord contacted them about the barking, their dogs got picked up by the pound. They blame me for letting their dogs out. Yikes.

When the landlord contacted them, they immediately texted me, calling me names for contacting the landlord and insisting that they "knew" I let out their dogs. I was afraid to go home. I sneaked into my apartment after midnight and did the same for the next weak.

They may or may not not believe that I didn't let their dogs out because they have since discovered a new way that the dogs have been escaping the backyard.

They are totally unresponsive to my requests that they find some way to quiet the dogs.

I have a personal connection to the landlord and I don't want to leave her with an empty apartment and no rent money because I moved, and I don't want her stuck with the drug dealer neighbors who pay rent irregularly and would probably scare off the next tenants as well.

Something has to be done. I love living where I am at currently, but I don't want to be hurt or killed. It is a nice apartment in a quiet neighborhood, but not worth my life.

In addition to being drug dealers and irresponsible dog owners, these folks have shown themselves to be impulsive and quick to anger.

I'm scared. How do I get out of this?

I don't want to live "Shut Up, Little Man" over the long-term

rhizome — Tue, 31 Jul 2012 10:56:51 -0800

I live in a rent-controlled building and have a bad neighbor with violent tendencies, how can I best fix this? tl;dr: Bad neighbor has to go. Difficulty: SF rent-control.

I've lived in an 8-unit rent-controlled building in San Francisco since 1995. It's in a nice part of town and aside from some building issues, I couldn't ask for anything more. However, there is a family directly below me who has caused much drama for the building, both within and without, and as the person who lives above them I have reached the end of my rope.

Up front disclosure: I am not completely innocent. I am a DJ and music lover who likes all kinds of music. However, the building is certainly below code as far as sound transmission through the walls go. For the past year or two I have kept the volume in my studio/office below the legal limit (55dB) of what it should be on the other side of the wall. I am also exploring sound mitigation solutions on my part, but that would be the case even if these neighbors didn't live there. However, the acts I describe below have occurred both with and without any music playing, and as someone who works at home being on edge is affecting my ability to earn a living for myself. As low as you think my rent might be, I've had trouble paying from time to time due to my mental state that is exacerbated by this situation. To put a finer point on it: I have extremely marketable skills that are very freelance-friendly, and I'm still having trouble. Yes, I'm seeing a therapist, though we haven't done much on this particular topic.

Currently living there are two parents and their son, who we estimate to be in his late 20s. They have raised three other children, another boy and two girls, in this apartment. My cousin lived here before I did and describes the parenting of the daughters as worse than what I've experienced with the sons (the daughters were married off before I moved in). They get into fights. Loud, aggressive, screaming fights (I have evidence, and witnesses). In years past there were things thrown against walls, but whether they were objects or people I could never tell. To this day I regret not calling the cops when this happened, since I chalked it up to cultural differences in child-rearing or whatever rationalization worked for me. This has been going on for at least 20 years (word is that they've lived here since the 70s).

The son has issues. About 10 years ago he started getting more and more aggressive, getting bullyish and calling people nasty names on more than one occasion, apropos of nothing, including family members and friends visiting, as well as walking toward the building outside. In 2004 he attacked two tenants, told the police I was stealing his mail, and had some kind of breakdown while being arrested for this. His father was there, and slapped his face while in handcuffs, telling him to "be a man" (cf. "Julien Donkey Boy"). We almost got the family evicted over the attack, but somehow they struck a deal and the son was banished for two years. When he moved back in he had as much attitude as ever, however, and while he hasn't physically attacked any of us, it never feels out of the question either.

This was not his last instance of bringing the police to the building, not to mention having people out on the streets follow him back to the house to settle things. The last time he brought the police here was a little over a year ago, when the police came to check on something (guessing probation, or for having seen his gaudy car in an inopportune location). He ran from them for some reason and, as we've all read is normal for police to do these days, he got his face ground into the sidewalk.

He ("M") seems to have something against my presence here, and will occasionally throw something at the ceiling when he knows I am home. Something like...a basketball? Not sure, but it's startling. He has a car, a behemoth, that he loves to spend extended periods warming up/parking, shaking the building, and roaring up and down the street. He's that guy, too, and his brother was a putative hot-rodder before him, both using their parking spots in the garage as transmission-repair-type zones, though not so much lately. Point being: the family is also good at owning loud cars. We share a light-shaft that provides windows to the bedrooms, and they live their lives with the windows open at all times, including going to the bathroom and enduring the father's smoking related afflictions, but particularly while on the phone, next to the open window, yacking about whatever. One time I was sitting here at the computer, quietly minding my own business while M was loudly on the phone when he said, "well, I better go, my neighbor likes to listen to my calls." WTF. They also slam windows and doors at every opportunity, which shakes the building. To make it perfect, he affects a nice-guy Eddie Haskell persona with the outside neighbors, though I think they're a bit wise to it balanced against his behavior when he's in his car.

After his running-from-the-cops episode, things have dialed down a bit. He bought another car that has mufflers on it. It's not the constant fighting and yelling from the moment he gets home to when he goes to bed anymore. However, he now harasses me outside the building. A few months back I was driving around town with a friend, when we pulled up to a stop sign while M was driving through the intersection crosswise. He slowed to a crawl and stared at me until he finished crossing, so I could then continue driving. I was backing out of the garage (single-car-width garage door) in reverse, just past the curb, getting reading to go forward when he sped right in front of me to the garage, which he had apparently reversed to open while I was putting on my seatbelt. Think about a parking spot that you're vacating, when someone zips into it just as you leave enough room backing out before you start forward. This shit is unnerving.

I used to try to set a good neighborly example. I would say hi to them in the hallways (they never say hi back) and pay attention to how heavily I take the stairs, quietly closing my door and windows, cleaning out the window tracks so that they didn't grind and howl when opening and closing, etc., all to no avail. A couple of years ago I gave up. Though I do pay more attention to the volume of my music, I have given up considering their presence at all when it does no good. Yet it continues, and I'm ready to bring out the big guns. The Rent Board tells me to note things to the landlord, which if I do will be a transcription of my "event log," but it's time for me to cast about for the possibilities and techniques for dealing with this once and for all. A bonus (and possible compromise) would be much-needed upgrades to the building that would alleviate inter-unit sound problems, as even walking down my hallway and cooking food in my kitchen has appeared to be a source of aggravation to them.

I am exploring any and all social and legal means to deal with this. The management company is ineffectual, though I don't really know how I can approach them effectively when the nowadays incidents are somewhat infrequent and momentary. I have been keeping a log of everything since April. The problem is that each incident is a reminder that he is a violent person, and that he is using violence to communicate with neighbors, which is unacceptable. I also hate bullies. I am considering hiring a lawyer who has either/both of: experience extracting rent-controlled tenants for cause, and/or going after landlords for not doing anything about a harassing tenant. I am also trying to make enough money to move, even though I shouldn't have to. Since we've both been here for a long time (we have the only two 2BRs in the building), the landlord would most certainly like to see us both gone, so I'm not counting on a lot of help from them. Couple that with what is apparently a social connection between the family and the landlord (there is a small, close-knit Palestinian immigrant community in SF), the parents barely speaking a word of English, and I despair.

Neighbor attacked boyfriend; what should I do?

dolce_voce — Wed, 18 Jul 2012 01:41:15 -0800

Neighbor attacked her boyfriend with knife. What should I do? My neighbors are a couple who have been together for about a decade. Since I moved in about 7 months ago, I've heard them drunkenly fight and shout at one another maybe 4 or 5 times. This last time, I heard the gal shrieking and what sounded like banging (1 AM). I called her phone to ask if things were okay, did anyone need to be called. Her boyfriend answered and said she had just attacked him with a knife and he was bleeding. I am a medical student who also cares about community and asked him to come down so I could help him. I cleaned him up, tended his wounds and listened to him, and offered the sole advice that they seek external support-- he was adamant that he was not pressing charges and did not want anyone called. He appreciated my help and has refused my advice, for now-- we set the intention for me to check in with him/them in two weeks.

I personally think their issues are their business, and whether they break up or stay together and work it out doesn't mean much to me. I am concerned though that their fights have become too violent obviously, and am wondering, is it my place to report this? Do I simply follow with my intention to check in in two weeks and refer them to our local counseling center? (The center is excellent and free). Would it be more appropriate to insist at that point? Do I tell the landlord of our apartment complex? Or just leave them be?

If it means anything, this is the first explicitly violent incident in their relationship.

Om tare tuttare ture soha and goodnight

Yours,
Dolce

Neighborly questions

pakora1 — Tue, 19 Jun 2012 16:19:59 -0800

Neighbor questions-How much is too much? We moved in our house last year and now have a new neighbor (family) almost a month back. On his first introduction with my husband he mentioned that our porch light at night is too bright for him and my husband agreed to remove it. This leaves our entire house yard in darkness something I am not comfortable as we are on a dead end street.

On a day to day basis we don't have much contact with them and frankly the rest of the family hasn't been too friendly to us. (nothing wrong there, but there have been no attempts at introduction even though we have passed each other)

Trying to figure out what is the fine line between being good neighbors and where do you draw the line, in your experience? Do you feel that you absolutely have to have cordial relationships with your neigbor?

Neglected trees on vacant property are growing out of control. What to do?

MattMangels — Tue, 29 May 2012 18:38:38 -0800

There is a house across the street from me that has been vacant for a little over a year now. I have noticed the trees in the backyard growing out of control and they are starting to block my view. More importantly, I am worried about the potential for a fire from the accumulation of pine needles on the ground. The house is a single-family unit in San Francisco, California. I know that he former occupant is staying up in Mendocino county somewhere, and I do not know the status of the house (i.e., whether they intend to sell it or not). It's just been sitting there. I would really like to see the two trees in their backyard get cut down or at the very least pruned. Should I contact the fire marshal/some other authority or will I basically just get a "tough shit" response?

exercise without rattling the neighbors

colin_l — Tue, 29 May 2012 17:29:24 -0800

Looking for some kind of mat or other DIY contraption to deaden vibration when exercising. When I jump rope, my whole apartment shakes. The banister, the windows, you name it, it rattles. Tried in the kitchen, instead of the living-room carpet, and it's (predictably) worse. The only time that's convenient for me for exercise is ~5am, so I need a way that won't bother the neighbors or wake up the kids.

I've read this thread, (mostly about noise) in which folks recommend just finding different workout options.

Is there anybody out there with any experience with any type of mat or other vibration-dampening contraption that one could use? I tried dragging my standing-in-the-kitchen mat into the living room, and it helped a bit, so I'm wondering about some combination of mats, or maybe there's something purpose built for this?

When is it appropriate to call the spcaLA

katemcd — Sun, 13 May 2012 23:33:53 -0800

At what point is it reasonable to get involved and call spcaLA, especially if the information is secondhand? All the troubling details inside. This evening, a dog in my small apartment complex was barking for well over an hour to the point that a few of us had gathered outside of the apartment wondering if something was really wrong inside (like a slip & fall). As we were musing about what to do, the tenant came home, and it turned out it wasn't her dog, but actually another tenant's dog, L. These other tenants left town, across the country to go to a wedding, & made absolutely no arrangements for their dog's care. They texted the good Samaritan tenant at midnight last night and asked her to look in on the dog, who had been alone for 3-4 days. Oh yeah, and they left the heat on at 78 degrees. It is May in Southern California, and, when enclosed, the apartments in our building get particularly stuffy and hot without any form of climate control. Good Samaritan found the dog lethargic, dehydrated, & refusing to eat. He seemed much improved tonight, but was (understandably) very barky & distressed. They are scheduled to return tomorrow afternoon. If they left town due to an emergency or their original pet care plans fell through, I'd be far more understanding, but that is not the case. Also, this is apparently the second time they did this, but the first time good Samaritan was out of town, so I have no idea how they resolved the dog's care. Being an animal lover and, I'd like to think, a decent human being, I find this abhorrent. If these tenants were dealing with me directly, I do not think I would hesitate to call the SPCA, but all of this is secondhand. Is it my place to call? It is my moral obligation? Complicating things is if I did call, my guess is that the negligent tenants would assume good Samaritan dropped the dime, which would put her in an awkward position. They cross paths all the time. I barely see them or the good Samaritan. Also, except for this bizarre ditching the dog to vacation behavior, L appears well taken care of (fed, clean, almost always has constant company). So, do I call or just let it go and silently judge unless it happens again? I guess the third option is to say something to them when they return, but I'm not great at confrontation in the best of circumstances & right now, I'm not in a good way and have no local support system, so I'm not confident on my ability to follow through with a one-on-one interaction.

Surely a paintball gun is not the answer

indognito — Sun, 13 May 2012 05:53:53 -0800

Barky dogs next door keeping me up at night: is there anything I can do? We live in a very quiet suburban neighborhood. All is peaceful until anywhere between 10:30 and midnight, when the next-door neighbors let their two barky dogs out. One is a smaller, yappy dog, and the other is a larger, more athletic-type dog with a ragged, piercing bark. The dogs bark intermittently for the next 15-45 minutes. Sometimes it's continuous, sometimes just a bark-bark here and a bark-bark there. Either way, it's just long enough to yank me out of sleep, fully wake me up and put me in a general state of wanting to take a crowbar to their windshield in retaliation. Then they let the dogs in for the night.

The yard of the barky dogs borders the side of our apartment the bedroom is in. I would love to be able to move the bedroom away from the barky side of the house, but that would mean moving it to the kitchen. I've got a white noise machine and earplugs. I've tried experimenting with going to bed earlier versus later, but the problem is equally annoying whether I've just fallen asleep or am about to fall asleep, and there's no predicting when the dogs will bark. This past winter, I wrote them a polite, anonymous letter explaining that the barking was keeping me up, and they actually did seem to get better about it for awhile, letting the dogs in right after the barking started rather than letting it drag on. But now it seems things are backsliding.

Are there any next steps I can take? If not, any mantras of peace and calm I can recite to myself as I am jolted out of a pleasant state of having just fallen asleep and put into barely coherent rage? I thought about buying two anti-bark muzzles and leaving them on the front porch as a big passive-aggressive gift. I could talk to them in person but would rather not because I'm timid, frankly. I guess if that's the best solution I could bottle up some of my rage and use that as courage.

(And yes, I realize that things could be much worse and they could leave their dogs out aaaaaaalllll night, so this seems like small potatoes in the grand scheme of things...small potatoes that are making me so very tired the next day.)

Best way to replace borrowed tool?

Ommcc — Fri, 20 Apr 2012 01:36:39 -0800

How should I handle the reimbursement/replacement of a tool I borrowed from a friendly neighbor then broke. I was working in my front yard as daylight was fading when my friendly neighbor offer to let me use his portable work/flood lights.

I took him up on the offer and worked for few more hours well after it was dark with the aid of his handy lights. The light, more specifically the tripod light stand, broke when I tried to collapse it. I loosened one of the fittings on the stand to collapse the telescoping section of the stand. The fitting released completely and suddenly and gravity took over. The telescoping section was about 18 inches long so this was about the equivalent of dropping the stand 18 inches (but evenly distributed on the 3 legs). The stand could not take the force and the plastic hub that connected each leg to the shaft shattered. There is no way a product that is meant to be used on job/construction sites should brake so easily and I don't feel I am at fault.

All that being said; I like my neighbors and I don't think returning a broken item and telling them to buy better quality tools or passing the blame on to them is a good way to thank them for being generous and helpful.

So how should I go about making this right? The item costs about $40 at a big box store. But it is not obvious they need the light (it could have just been used for a projected they finished) and perhaps they would just rather have $40. However I am concerned they would refused either if asked. Lastly, assuming I fully replace the light or give the money to replace it would it be poor form to keep the light I borrowed (it separates from the now broken stand and is in fine condition) ?

How (and if) to help ailing neighbors

Zosia Blue — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 17:01:46 -0800

How to offer help to ailing neighbors (and if to offer help at all). I live in a mid-sized US Midwestern suburban neighborhood where I know and am friendly with everyone my street. Three of my neighbors are ill. One is elderly, and two have chronic diseases that keep them housebound. They each have spouses and children who visit and assist them. I've spoken with all of them a few times in the two years I've lived here and am on a waving basis with the healthy partners in the couples.

I work from home and am able-bodied, and would like to help my neighbors and their families in any way I can. However, I don't know a) how to offer my help, b) if my help would be appreciated and c) what that help might be.

My questions:

1. What's the best way to offer my help and let me neighbors know that I'm home during the day, and generally available to help? I haven't run into the spouses of the couples in a long while. I feel it would be invasive to knock on the door (I'm an extremely private person, so my bearings may be off on this.) My thought was to write a note with my contact info.

2. Would this type of help even be wanted? I don't plan to harangue them with offers, but I just want them to know I'm available and willing. However, I don't know if this would be considered strange/invasive.

3. What type of help would be, well, helpful in these situations?

Thanks.

What is the best way to deal with a neighbor's smelly dog kennel?

WhathaveIdonenow? — Sun, 08 Apr 2012 23:57:21 -0800

I live in a house in a suburban neighborhood and my neighbor's dog lives full-time in a kennel that is on the line of our property. The neighbors do not clean the kennel regularly and it smells. It smells enough that people who visit our yard complain about it. I don't know the neighbors...at all, really.
I don't want to be incredibly rude, and I can't really think of a way to say,"Hi, I'm [What]! You have a stinky dog!" that isn't incredibly rude.
I'm leaning toward just not going out there. I don't want to be stuck up, but at the same time, I have a dog and know that this kind of smell is avoidable.

Neighborly Peace, I'm looking for you.

mild deer — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 14:18:20 -0800

How do I make peace with neighbors? I just moved into my new place 3-4 weeks ago. I live on the top floor of a triplex. A 30-somethings single man lives in a studio behind us and we never hear him. A family of three lives downstairs. They are occasionally loud during the day, and mostly respond when we ask for noise to be turned down at 10 or 11 PM.

The head-of-the-household downstairs is sometimes nice and sometimes yells at us for how loud our footsteps are. We tried to sympathize since we used to live on a bottom unit, but he just raised his voice and threatened to "bang on [our] fucking door" if he hears our footsteps past 10:00 PM. So far, he hasn't. And I've recorded and reported this incident to the management company.

We've made cookies for all of our neighbors, including the ones who live in the houses on either side of our triplex. It seems like there is no sense of community anywhere on this block. I'd like to change that, but am fast realizing that I can't.

Recently, I've discovered that our single male neighbor and downstairs neighbors hate each other. I also discovered that the dryer downstairs doesn't work. It takes 3 hours to dry a small load, or up to 18 hours to dry a large load. Passive aggressive notes have been left on the dryer because of this, but no one has bothered reporting the bad dryer. I finally reported it, and after two attempts, there is now a repairman downstairs replacing parts of the dryer.

I've shared this good news with our downstairs neighbor, and he just looked at me blankly, said "okay," and then closed the door. The other neighbor just argues a lot and hashes out the I've-been-living-here-for-years line and talks about how things don't need to change.

I want to live in a place with community, but probably won't be getting that. How do I look at this situation? How should I better communicate to bring a little more peace to this triplex?

help us quiet barky mcbarkypants

adrianna aria — Sat, 17 Mar 2012 23:44:14 -0800

Is there a way for us to endear ourselves to the barking terror next door so that we don't have to listen to his aggressiveness every time we open the door out back? We share a fence with the other side of our duplex. They've got a small dog who barks aggressively every time we open our back door--which is a lot, because we have two dogs of our own and, well, they gotta go.

Our dogs, by the way, couldn't care less about Barky. But when they go out back, or mr. aria or I go out for a smoke, Barky barks pretty constantly, growling in between. Through knotholes in the fence I've seen himget all foamy around the mouth with rage. It's not happy "hi!" barks, it definitely seems aggressive.

(as a side note, before we knew what he looked like we actually found him wandering around out front, having escaped through their fence door, and he warmed up to us enough to get a leash on him, figure out he was our neighbor, and return him home--he was standoffish but not aggressive toward us then)

We've tried saying basically saying hi, since we know his name. Talking calmly to him. We've tried a firm "no." We've tried ignoring him. We've tried, with the neighbor's permission, to give him treats to help him get used to us. We've lived here for almost a year and thus far nothing has worked.

His owners don't really take much interest in him. He spends most of his time outside, and sometimes their kids come out to play with him, but all other interactions consist of them shouting from inside for him to shut up, opening the door and telling him to shut up, and ignoring the barking.

Any ideas? Thanks!