Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with neighbors

How to prevent people from throwing away their trash in a can not theirs?

Charmian — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 21:09:27 -0800

What to do about people putting their trash in trash cans which are not theirs? A friend of mine has a problem: she lives in a duplex, and some people, who are probably the people who live in the neighboring duplex, keep putting their trash in her garbage can, filling it up entirely. Although she has not seen them doing so, because their garage is right next to hers (she puts her garbage can outside next to the garage), she suspects they are the culprits. The garages are not visible from the street, making it unlikely that an outside person is doing it, and their garbage can is overflowing with trash, although they for some reason do not take it out to the curb.

She complained to the landlord, but the landlord doesn't seem to want to do anything since she doesn't have concrete proof it's them doing it. She put her garbage can inside of the garage, but she would rather not do that.

Any suggestions on how she can discourage people from leaving their trash inside of her garbage can?

Throw shit away in another person's can?

c:\awesome — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 06:36:33 -0800

Right or wrong: throwing away a tied-up plastic bag filled with your dog's feces into another person's trash can (with trash already in it) at the curb. I take my dog for walks twice daily, and when he shits, I place it in a plastic grocery bag, tie it up, and usually walk it back to my house, where I throw it away into my own trash can. Occasionally, however, I'm tempted to toss the poop bag into a neighbor's trashcan if I'm somewhat far away from my house.

Is this OK to do? I wouldn't think of throwing it into an empty trash can (as in, the trash had already been picked up) I'm on the fence about it. My wife says no. Is there a right answer here?

This is in a mid-sized city in the Midwest, U.S.A. The trash cans are the standard large plastic bins provided by a private, local trash company. They look similar to this.

Scoop your poop!

specialagentwebb — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 13:34:01 -0800

How do I keep my yard free of dog crap? I live in a neighborhood that has a lot of dogs. A LOT. It averages out to about 1-2 dogs per household. Normally, not a problem. Everyone cleans up after their dogs (we're in townhouses, so not many have yards), everyone keeps their dogs leashed, and that keeps everyone happy.

Our house has a strip of lawn from the back deck to the front sidewalk. Not huge, maybe 10 feet wide by 30 feet deep. And someone's dog is crapping there. Big huge piles of dog crap. I don't have a problem with dogs pooping in the lawn, as long as the owners clean up after it. Apparently, that's too difficult for someone. To make things more annoying, that's the 30 feet that I walk three times a day with my own dog when we're going on a walk. I pick up the piles daily (or more), because I really don't want to step in dog crap at 7 in the morning

I have a strong suspicion of which household is letting their dog crap there, but no proof to back it up (as I've never seen the dog do its business there). I don't think that confronting the suspected poop-leavers would be very productive. So what's the best course of action here? Are there non-harmful things I can spray to keep their dog out of our yard (assuming that it's off-leash)? Can I put up a little sign in the most current pile of crap that reads "Please pick up after your dog"? What should I do?

Dealing with a loud animal repellant

empath — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 12:27:15 -0800

Dealing with a neighbor's loud audio 'animal-repellent' that you can hear, even though you aren't supposed to be able to. I am posting this question for a friend:

This person lives in VA, and has an issue with an audio animal repellant that a neighboring townhome is using to keep cats from pooping in their yard. Essentially, an object moves in range of the sensor, and it produces a high-pitched noise that only the cats are supposed to be able to hear. Problem is, she can hear it, and says it drives her nuts, and that since none of her other neighbors can hear it, they pay no mind to her complaining. She's tried sneaking into their yard and turning it down to a volume that she can't hear, but the neighborhood cats begin to poop in the neighbor's yard so the neighbor turns it back up. There's also a 'no fence over 3' tall' rule for her community, so she can't put one up between the properties to block the sensor.

Question - if a cop comes out and does a decibel reading, will it show up if it's in an inaudible frequency range and would that count as violating a noise ordinance? Are there any other suggestions you have for dealing with it?

To Call or Not to Call

thankyouforyourconsideration — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 07:39:52 -0800

I called the police after watching my neighbor chase a family member across the street, yelling and screaming. I requested that I remain anonymous, but I'm worried that I won't be, is there a law about this? (state of Oregon). I don't want to go too far into it, as the details are unclear. But it seemed to me that one neighbor (A) chased their family member (B) across the street. I don't know exactly what happened because it was still dark (5am) and they were soon behind a trees. I heard what sounded like tough blows from (B) and (A) begging and crying to stop and "just let them go."

At that point the person from the house they were in front of (C) came outside and called the police. As C called the police but B seemed to be yelling into the phone. Actually screaming over C on the phone. At that point I called the police and let them know I didn't know what was going on but it sounded like abuse. The dispatcher spoke with another and I believed they came to an agreement on what to do.

While waiting for the police and EMT A became violently ill. A could not lift their head off the ground. C was assisting in holding the head up while A puked. B watched from a few feet away. Just to clarify, this part happened in front of C's house, separate from where B and A live.

First, I've never called the police before. Can I be certain that my neighbors won't know I called?

Second, I was horrified by what was going on and felt obligated to call, but now I'm feeling horribly guilty as there seems to be chaos unfolding on my street. (FWIW my neighborhood is middle to lower middle class). I didn't know the full situation and I don't want to cause unnecessary damage or stress. Maybe A was a drunk and irrational teen trying to run away? Maybe A had good reason to try to run away? Should I have waited until I was certain I knew what was happening? (Sorry for being so long, my nerves are shot and there are still neighbors and trucks in the street). Should I have just left the whole thing alone and gone back to bed?

Thanks in advance, throw away gmail for follow up questions: tocallornottocall@gmail.com

Somebody hurt my cat, how do I find out who did it?

Zebtron — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 19:29:57 -0800

Teenager next door had a party that spilled over into the field behind my house. My cat shows up severely injured. How do I get to the bottom of this? Last Friday night the next door neighbor's teenage son has a rather large party in their back yard. Kids left their yard and were hanging out in the field behind my house. My cat later shows up and can barely walk. X-Rays at the vet show that she has a separated vertebra at the base of her tail but the tail itself has no injuries that would indicate a dog got her or she got caught in a gate. The Vet's conclusion is that somebody grabbed her by the tail and flung her. When I confront the parents and teen their response was "we didn't see anything, but we'll ask around." My daughter knows some of the kids that were there and has been checking Facebook to see if somebody might be bragging about it. I'm incredibly angry about this and would like to find the culprit. Anybody have ideas on how I can find out?

How can I tell which apartment buildings block neighbor noise best?

sunflower16 — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 20:55:59 -0800

I'm looking to buy a Manhattan apartment (most likely co-op, not condo). What should I be looking for (or avoiding) to minimize my chances of hearing a lot of noise from my neighbors?

Too many condo noise rules = no condo for us?

bibbit — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 13:56:03 -0800

My fiance and I are in the midst of buying a condo. Offer accepted, inspection went great, still collecting all the documents related to the condo association. Yesterday, we got a three page document that is the "noise abatement policy." We are not happy. But should we suck it up and still buy the place? The condo is in a 3 floor, 7 unit building. Built in the 1920's, gut rehabbed less than 10 years ago. According to meeting minutes, there have been issues with noise because not enough soundproofing was used. In the four times we've been in the place, we've never heard anyone in other units, but we were making enough racket ourselves and we never saw anyone either.

The noise abatement policy requires area rugs covering almost the entire floor in all major rooms (bedrooms, living room, dining area, hallway). It requires padding on the washer/dryer. It requires "major activities" such as "house cleaning, minor repairs in the unit, etc." to be done between 9am and 7pm.

This went into effect last year. The owners of the unit we have the offer in on put their place on the market in January. They are not in complete compliance with the rules, though they do have wall-to-wall carpeting in the bedrooms.

The issue is: my fiance likes his music. And his movies. And he's not a night owl, but he'll have music on until 10:30-11pm sometimes. Movies might go later on the weekends. His dream is a gorgeous surround sound system. He considers himself an audiophile. Is this compatible with such a noise policy?

We also have two rather large cats, both of whom like to run around occasionally and one of whom is a bit of a talker at night (loud enough to wake us). I can hear our current upstairs-neighbor-cat all the time when its running about. Are we in trouble with our cats?

There is a unit below us, a unit above us, a unit next to us. How do we find out if this is an association that will complain if they hear a pin drop? How do we determine if we're being unreasonable? How do we know if we're going to get nasty notes and fines if we have 6 people over for dinner and they don't leave until near midnight on a weekend? Any experiences with this?

Not Exactly Mister Rogers

milinar — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 12:51:39 -0800

So I just moved into an apartment, and found out that I have a psycho neighbor. He is not a tenant of the building, but lives in a house next to my apartment. He's accused me of calling the cops on him (he plays his music loud, but I didn't call the cops), and has twice screamed at my guests when all we were doing was talking in normal conversational tones IN MY LIVING ROOM. Literally, screamed - he comes out of his house, bangs on his door and swears and screams at me to shut the fuck up.

He's also rung my doorbell twice at 7 am to tell me that my beeping my car to lock and unlock it wakes him up, and has followed me up the stairs to my house to ask for my remote so he can turn off the beeper because 'he used to sell Toyotas'.

My manager never told me about this problem outright, but when I was over at the office signing the lease, his co-worker made a reference to it... "Oh, you rented THAT apartment."

Is there any legal recourse I have? This is borderline harassment and I fully intend to call the cops the next time anything happens. Can I ask my manager to find me another apartment (the company manages many buildings).

Thanks for your help!

Back off Mrs. Kravitz

gypseefire — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 23:46:15 -0800

I recently moved into a 4 unit apartment building. Across the hall lives a single older woman who is proving to be quite the busy body. The girl downstairs from her and she are friends. The young woman that lives down stairs works for some sort of cash advance operation and when my Daughter got a ride home from a co-worker tonight, this neighbor of mine saw and recognized the driver as someone who borrowed from the cash advance agency, but never paid back, and verbally accosted her in the driveway of the apt. building. It was 8:30 at night and she was wearing a nightgown. I found this very unprofessional, and honestly irritating. What I want to know is how can I handle this without it becoming a building war. I've only lived here a month, but her bulldog approach was very insulting to my guest and very inappropriate. The situation could get sticky since the neighbors are pals. Ugh...what to do!

Is there a way to speed up the construction of the house next to mine?

hellbient — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 15:30:34 -0800

Is there a way to speed up the construction of the house next to mine? The city-owned house next to mine (attached) has been under construction for over a year. The contracting company is apparently notorious for these long affairs, and judging from the other houses in the neighborhood that have their signage, there's no end in site. And the property is getting worse - every week there's more trash in front and on the side of it, windows are getting broken and the plywood covering some of the windows is slowly coming undone. I'm calling the company (and 311) as much as possible to complain about rats, open doors, racoons, etc. to try to set a precedent, but I'm not sure it's going anywhere. The house goes for weeks/months without ever being worked on. I need it finished before a crackhead sets it on fire (which would take my house with it), and so I can get some new awesome neighbors. Plans/schemes to get the ball rolling? I'm in Brooklyn.

What bird is making this noise and what can I do about it?

Tin Man — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 08:54:03 -0800

What kind of bird is making this annoying noise (mp3 file; alternate link here) behind my Manhattan apartment building? And what can I do about it? This is our second summer living in our apartment in a residential area of Manhattan. During the spring and summer, we occasionally hear the above noise, which I assume is a birdcall, from somewhere behind our building. (You may have to turn up the volume a bit.) It went away during the winter, but then the weather got warm a few months ago and it started up again. Sometimes it happens every 10-20 seconds or every minute or every few minutes. Sometimes we don't hear it at all. Sometimes it's quite loud. It's usually during the daytime but sometimes at night. It's really annoying.

So I'm dying to know -- what kind of creature is making this noise?

Our apartment faces the back of the building, and there are other residential apartment buildings behind ours, so I assume someone behind us must own a bird and they have the windows open when the weather is warm. Or maybe some creature with a spring and summer migratory pattern roosts on a nearby roof. I've looked out the window numerous times scanning for birds in apartment windows and I haven't seen any. There's also more than one apartment building behind us, and sometimes sound can bounce around, so I have no idea where it's coming from.

Next question is, what can I do about it? I know the default answer would be to call 311, but how are they supposed to find a bird that makes noise only sometimes? Are the police supposed to come and hang around on the street for a few hours? What if they can't even hear it from the street?

So, (1) what kind of bird is it, and (2) what can I do?

Help a non-dog owner understand.

lpsguy — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 08:13:54 -0800

Help a non-dog owner understand. I ask this out of curiosity more than pique. I'm curious to know what goes on in the mind of dog owners, especially with regard to barking. A couple of neighbors have recently added dogs to their households. And while neither have been nonstop barkers they do bark occasionally. Recently, one barked for an hour in the morning on my one day of the week to sleep in. The neighbor eventually quieted the dog and/or took her in the house. If it matters, I should add that our neighborhood is a heavily wooded suburb sought out for its serenity.

So let's say you're a dog owner; one without a particularly barky dog but still one that barks when people walk by or occasionally barks when you let him/her outside a bit. What goes on in your mind when this is going on?

Is it ... "Ohmigod, I better leap and stop this right away because it's likely it's annoying someone." ?

Is it ... "Yeah, the dog's barking but he'll stop soon and even though I know it's annoying to some people it'll stop soon." ?

Is it ... "Listen to Fido barking. He's so lively. The sound of a dog is great. I can't imagine anybody doesn't like dogs so it probably isn't bothering anyone." ?

Is it ... "Well, I paid for my property and I want a dog and that's what dogs do sometimes and the neighbors, well, they just better get over it because I like my dog." ?

(Extra bonus points for telling me what goes through your mind when you leave the dog outside and drive off somewhere knowing that your dog will bark some while you're gone and possibly disturb anything from a baby's sleep to someone's serene afternoon on the deck.)

So help me understand. What goes on in a dog owner's head? What should go on in mine?

Horrifying screaming next door

Anonymous — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 10:02:55 -0800

Neighbor teen middle-of-night horror screaming! I don't know what to think. A bizarre thing happened last night, and it has my family spooked and confused.

We live in a relatively quiet suburban neighborhood, houses on 1/3 acre type place. Last night at 1:30am we were awakened by a horrible female screaming. It sounded like horror movie screaming, and very, very loud. At first I thought someone was being murdered, or a home had been broken into. Thinking about calling 911 as I went to the window. Then I could hear it was coming from the house behind us - where there's a teen girl. I could hear the parents trying to calm her - somewhat sternly, but not shouting. Then she shifted into a sort of loud wailing despair, and at one point said something like "why won't you let me go...". This went on for maybe 3-4 minutes.

I was still thinking of calling 911. I didn't think anyone was being hurt or in physical danger, but certainly emotional trauma. But as it subsided, I merely sat there with my adrenaline pumping. My wife and daughter awake too. By that point, I was not sure what I'd tell 911, and did not know the address over there, so did not call. I sorta hoped a neighbor would. Didn't happen.

Fortunately, my 10 year old daughter was sleepy and didn't really register too much of it, and was able to go back to sleep. My wife and I were up most of the night.

I should note we heard this girl wailing in a similar fashion during the daytime once. And I should emphasize that this girl was truly screaming... not I'm mad-at-mom-and-dad screaming, but all out emotional torment screaming. We have never met these neighbors or her.

So now we feel stunned by this event. Questions running through our minds...

Is there some kind of disorder that would cause such extreme screaming in a teen girl?

Is there such a thing as a teen temper tantrum?

Some sort of waking nightmare?

Should we call 911 if it happens again?

Anyone ever heard of something like this?

Will I have to hide my collection of "R"-rated movies if I have them over?

lbo — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 15:22:42 -0800

How should I interpret these recent interactions with my new, very-LDS neighbors in Sandy, UT? Will a housewarming party be more awkward than it's worth? Background: My husband and I just moved into a very family-oriented neighborhood in Sandy, Utah. We've been living in Utah for four years, but have lived in apartments where neighborly contact was minimal. I'm 27, my husband is 30, we aren't LDS and we don't have any kids yet. We knew that buying a home in Sandy would mean that we would have a lot of LDS neighbors, and we have no problem with that. If anything, we've heard generalizations about what great neighbors LDS people make-- friendly, willing to help, unlikely to have obnoxious late-night parties, etc. We really like Sandy and, for a variety of reasons, we wouldn't be interested in living in parts of Salt Lake City that non-Mormons typically consider more desirable (e.g., Sugarhouse or the Avenues).

On Tuesday night when I wasn't home, my husband was working in our yard and was approached by a car full of LDS missionaries who stopped and casually asked him (without leaving their car) if he was a man of faith, if he had ever been to a temple, and if he wanted to go with them to one of the local temples that is offering tours to non-members this month. He politely declined and they left. About a minute later, two men drove up together in separate cars (one was a police cruiser) and stopped to talk to him. The timing seemed odd since their arrival was in such rapid succession after the car full of missionaries left. The police officer (in plain clothes) joked that their visit was "unofficial police business" while the other person, wearing a work ID for the LDS Church, just said that they were neighbors (without indicating where they lived) and told him we should let our next door neighbor know if we need anything because they all belong to the same ward and would be happy to help us if anything came up. They emphasized their membership in the ward several times. My husband was friendly and thanked them for the offer. Once they left, though, the more he thought about it, the more uncomfortable it made him that the officer brought his cruiser.

We interpreted the whole encounter as their giving us a gentle reminder that they know we're not LDS and that they're keeping an eye on us. Was the cruiser meant to be intimidating? The whole thing seemed kind of awkward more than anything, but we are just trying to figure out what the intention was behind it. Why had they driven down separately? And was it just a coincidence that the men who seemed to be missionaries had just left?

Before this little meeting, I had been thinking about hosting a housewarming party and inviting my neighbors. I'd still like to do that, but I want to minimize awkwardness in every possible way, which is leading me to feel a little concern about whether I should include my non-LDS friends. Should I have two separate parties? If I invite my neighbors and my other friends, will I have to keep it totally alcohol-free? I don't want to alienate anyone-- LDS or non-LDS.

I've read another question regarding being a non-Mormon in Utah and I found the general responses and advice to be very helpful and insightful, but I'm really looking for advice about this particular situation. We're going to be living here for at least another three or four years, so we want to keep things as friendly as possible.

Thanks!

Can we, and should we, try to help this bullied kid?

M.C. Lo-Carb! — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 15:25:19 -0800

My 8-year-old neighbor is being bullied and his parents aren't helping -- is there anything I can do? The kid next door is shy, has a speech impediment (can't say "r") and has some learning disabilities. Other kids are terribly cruel to him. Some examples:

1. He is being brutally bullied by other kids in the neighborhood, often within earshot of my wife and I. The things they say shock even my wife, who is a mid school teacher. They also encourage him to do stupid stuff like throw rocks at neighborhood pets or houses, and he is desperate to oblige.

2. A girl in the neighborhood who attends his school gleefully informed us last week that "he gets his ass kicked at school all the time because he doesn't fight back" -- this was right in front of him. I've seen him scuffed up and bruised a few times, and kind of figured this was what was going on.

3. Yesterday, three older kids wandering through the neighborhood pushed him off his bike and stole it.

His parents spend most of their time drinking in front of the teevee, and pay little attention other than to occasionally yell or swear at him. I don't think they're abusive, just sort of oblivious. Talking to them about this probably isn't going to make a difference.

Though I don't encourage it, this kid tags along when I walk the dogs, rollerskates in our driveway and comes over when we're in the front yard, so we've sort of gotten to know him over the years. Sometimes I help him air up his bike tires or footballs, that sort of thing. I think he trusts us, though he doesn't talk much -- something I attribute to shyness and his attempts to avoid words he can't pronounce.

Our concern here is twofold -- we feel pretty bad for the little guy, and we also are afraid he will grow up to be an angry, alienated monster living right next door.

Recently I've considered perhaps trying to help him stand up to this bullying, but I don't really know what I would say. For instance, what do you tell a kid to do when another kid at school challenges him to a fight? Fight back? Walk away? I'm not much of a "kid" person, so I don't really know how to address any of this.

Another thing both of us have considered is going out to have a talk with the bullies when they're being mean to him, but I seem to recall from my own childhood that having someone "go to bat" for you just makes things worse.

Alternatively, since this is technically none of my business, should I just leave it alone and watch this poor kid get angrier and weirder? What would you do?

How to protect ourselves when reporting child abuse at a neighbour?

Kickstart70 — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 17:00:22 -0800

Best way to handle reporting (suspected) child abuse at our only neighbour? Note: the question is how to sensibly and safely report this, NOT IF we should report this!

We moved to a rural house this year and we basically have one neighbour (couple with two boys...about 7 and 9 years old, I guess). We can hear them from our place. Or, more accurately, we can hear her shrieking harpy yell from our place about 250 feet away. The husband doesn't yell as far as I can hear.

Today was bad...things like "CLEAN THIS FUCKING ROOM OR YOU'RE GOING TO GET A FIST IN THE FUCKING FACE!". Yes, it's abuse, but I don't know for sure that it really got physical. The yelling went on for quite a while, then the music started (appropriately, "Helter Skelter" was played) but didn't drown out the verbal abuse. During all this, the husband left in his pickup, so I'm certain it was directed at the kids and not him.

Given that they are our only neighbour within hearing distance and we are quite rural, if the police or social services arrives, it's going to clear that we are the ones who called. I'm concerned about retribution. I could easily see them doing something, from what I can tell of their/her temperament.

So, my plan is to call police during the next incident. What can I do to protect myself/my family/my property afterward? Or am I being overly concerned about myself in a case where their kids should be primary? Thanks for advice.

Hey you kids, get off of my shared lawn!

k8t — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 10:20:16 -0800

What can I do about young people in our condo/townhouse complex? We live in a condo/townhouse complex that used to be young professionals and seniors. We rent. Majority of people own. It was great. Now it is not so great.

In the past year, 4 groups of college students have moved in. If Craigslist ads are any indication, they're living 2 or 3 or 4 people in a bedroom (6-8-10 in a townhouse). (I often see ads on Craigslist for our complex that say "be the 3rd girl in a bedroom" or "shared bedroom for rent" like this ad recently.)

I don't want to be all "hey kids, get off my lawn" but here are the problems:

1. The garage is a 2 car. With this many roommates, they're parking in the guest spots (that are for the whole complex.) There are never any free spaces now and as such people are parking in the fire lane and in front of garage doors (makes it hard to get out.)

2. With all the extra outside parking going on, EVERY NIGHT between 11pm until 4am, kids are getting in and out of cars and talking loudly. This always wakes me up and often wakes my baby up. Closing the window is not an option. Ear plugs are not an option. Last night at 3am I got up and said out the window, "Are you gonna come and put my baby back to sleep?" They laughed. I'm considering walking outside in my robe with a crying baby to send a stronger statement.

3. We all share trash/recycling. They do not flatten their cardboard. The trash is now full soon after pick up and we've had increased raccoons and skunks. The recycling people refused to empty the overflowing bins for 2 weeks and someone wrote a note about flattening cardboard. It is them not flattening, due to the address on packages and that it didn't happen before they moved in.

4. They drive really fast in our shared driveway. I have a baby and there are many cats that roam freely. There is already a "slow" sign at the top of the driveway.

5. There are all sorts of young adults hanging out all day and night. Smoking outside, hanging out in cars, etc. While I don't feel unsafe, I don't feel as safe as I used to when I knew my neighbors.

I know that this could be way worse. It could be drug dealers, gang members, prostitutes, pit bulls, etc.

I know that I could move, but we're only here for another year or two and finding a place that is dog-friendly is tough. We also love the neighborhood that we live in. SO also has a carpool and I have an express bus stop nearby. There is also a nice park behind us.

So, what can I do? I assumed that the HOA would "take care of it" but they haven't yet, although they are working on the parking violations. I plan on writing up something similar to the above for the HOA.

I was thinking about writing a letter and posting it at the mailboxes... "Dear college students. Please be quiet at night outside, treat the trash/recycling as a shared resource, and stop parking in the guest spots." ???

I can't find any noise policy for Santa Barbara. I don't know if calling the cops is useful, as the noise will probably end by the time the cops arrive.

Noisy neighbor advice

dougiedd — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 00:21:24 -0800

Advice on noisy neighbors. My family just moved. Our immediate neighbors are elderly and hard of hearing, and so the TV volume is quite blaring in the evening, grating for us, but hard on our 2 year old. They seem like nice people though cant understand why our 2 year old needs to go to bed at 8. Wondering the best approach to this? Buy them so wireless headsets? They might not like the gesture nor be able to adapt to the intrusion of this new device. On our end we have tried white noise, but the windows need to stay open with the heat.

Noise canceling technology for a whole apartment?

gilsonal — Mon, 25 May 2009 11:29:39 -0800

Any good solutions for canceling out my neighbor's bass from their stereo without headphones? Headphones aren't an option all the time if I need to sleep. Are their nose canceling stereos? How well do they work? What else could I try? Just moved into a new place and my next door neighbors have about 20 people coming and going during the day, mostly right outside my patio door, and also have a huge bass hooked up to their tv and stereo. I'm a quiet person, and its starting to drive me nuts that I can't spend a day without hours trying to ignore it. I know this is the kind of situation that ends up in people being annoyed, and I'd like to get along with these guys. I'm prone to headaches and sleep day hours, and I don't want this to turn into a brawl. Its to the point I can't even spend time in my living room and I've taken to leaving my apartment altogether to escape the noise.

I see plenty of noise canceling headphones, and speakers for CB's but what I'd like is an audio player (kind of like a white noise machine) that would send opposing sound wave out. Using an old laptop with speakers to accomplish this as well would be doable.

Are there systems out there? How well do they work? Any other non-confrontational, non-passive aggressive ways to deal with this?

What do I do? How can I make them move?

Brachiosaurus — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 17:05:47 -0800

How do I get rid of really bad neighbors? Are there any legal issues with giving out their landlord's cell phone number? Are there any Philadelphia-specific ways to get them to move? I live in CA but own a house in Philadelphia, which I rent out to some nice college students. I did live in the house last summer and I had several problems with the neighbors and one confrontation. I've had two tenants move out, to some degree because of them, and I don't want to lose these current tenants. This is also a real quality of life issue for my tenants. And a far less important, and less tangible problem is they are probably keeping my property value lower than it would be otherwise (I know I'd never be able to sell the house, if I wanted to, in the summer, when most of the problems start).

Some examples of the problems:

There are about 5-7 children living there (most of whom are actually sweet kids), and the screaming mother, and her drunk male 'partner' (not sure exactly what the situation is there). During the summer, everyday starting at about 10 am until about 10 pm, the children would play out on the sidewalk (annoying but okay, 'cause that's what children do) but the mother regularly goes out and starts screaming curse words and yelling at the top of her lungs for seemingly minor infractions by the children. This also goes on during the weekend anytime it's warm out.

Example 2: I was out on the stoop chatting with some of the neighbor kids one evening last summer and the neighbor was taking her trash to the curb. She then started pouring cleaning chemicals all over the trash bags and the sidewalk because she had forgotten to take the trash out the week before. According to her, it smelled bad and there were maggots in it (lovely). In the process of her doing this she ended up throwing bleach all over me, my clothes, and probably everyone else that was standing around. (In Philadelphia the garbage men come by and pick up the trash bags with gloves. I don't know why anyone would put bleach on something that someone would have to touch less than 12 hours later.)

And 3: There are regular crazy arguments that you can hear in my house (these are attached row houses). These can be at all hours of the night.

Oh, and 4: Being a night owl, during the summer while I was there, I would go out after dark and clean the sidewalks- pick up trash, sweep, etc. But by the time I woke up at noon-ish, there would be chicken bones, ice cream wrappers, and other trash out in front of their house, and migrating towards mine and the other neighbors' sidewalks. Seriously, I wish I was exaggerating.

And you're getting the point but still, 5: They have, from my understanding, regularly harassed my tenants- they pound on the door when they want something, and continue to pound for a long time even though my tenants won't answer. From my understanding, what they want is usually food (from a recently observed take-out delivery), cigarettes, to 'borrow' some money, or to sell my tenants pot (they made the mistake of buying some from them once when they first moved in [I don't care that my tenants smoke pot- they are college students after all] but I've asked them to just get it elsewhere). Occasionally this sort of thing would happen when I was living there and the neighbor would resort to jiggling the door knob.

Okay, so they are awful, indescribably awful. There's a lot more I could say though.

My tenants have called the cops several times because of noise. Most of the time they don't show up and when they do it settles down just long enough for the cops to drive off.

I've called their landlord twice- once during the summer and once recently. The only thing that is offered is that he "will talk to them." But predictably this does nothing. During the summer he more or less said that he knows they are 'animals' but they pay the rent and this is all he cares about. Well, of course they pay the rent, they are on section 8.

This most recent time I even told him that I don't know why he doesn't get rid of them, he rents the 5 bedroom house to them for 800 and I rent out my 2 bedroom house for 875 (or course my place is way nicer inside).

This block is mostly owner occupied. During the summer I talked to several neighbors and, not surprisingly, everyone wants them gone. From what I can tell it's just a family neighborhood with working class people. Oh, and the other kids on the street aren't allowed to play with these kids.

So what do I do? I think that as long as they're there I run the risk of losing my tenants because of this. And some day I'm going to be living there again. But besides how it affects me, I just don't want my tenants to have to deal with this. I've thought about sending a letter to all the other homes on the block, or at least those that are very close by, with their landlord's contact information. His address is available online through the Philadelphia public records/ real estate tax site. But I got his cell phone number by feigning interest in buying that house- my real estate agent got in touch with the one he works with, and he said to give me his cell number. So maybe if everyone starts calling, maybe he would throw them out(?). Is it legal to give out someone's cell phone number in this way? Could he sue me if I did? I'm sure he'd know who did it- I don't think he would have given me his number under the circumstances.

Some last bits of detail- I think that these people have been there for about 2 years. I've owned the house for 1 year. And while I knew that they were loud neighbors because I heard an argument while checking the place out, I had no way of knowing that they would be this bad.

Please Help Us Deal With A Nasty Neighbor

14580 — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 14:50:41 -0800

Please help us figure out what to do about our nasty neighbor. We have a chain link fence between our yards. Because we were on great terms with the people who used to live there before her, their detached garage forms part of the fence that keep our two Labrador dogs in our yard. Two short sections of fence on her property connect their garage to the rest of OUR fence. She just told us that she is going to take those sections down tomorrow, which means our dogs will be able get out of our yard. That is what I need advice about ASAP. Here is some background. Today we came home from work to find that she had all the branches of our two maple trees that over hang her yard trimmed at the property line (although some were trimmed well back on our property). It looks like crap. She also did the same thing to all her other neighbors last year. I've heard that she is blaming the poor condition of her black top driveway on our trees, even though she has never sealed it or done any maintenance on it in the ten years she has lived there.

For years she has blown most of her leaves into our front yard. She stopped when I finally called the police about it. But now she leaves them on the edge our property line, knowing that they will eventually blow into my yard and I will clean them up. Apparently she thinks that since some of them came from my trees, those leaves, along with the leaves from her trees, and any leaves that blow into her yard from other neighbors should all be my problem.

She has been feuding with all her other neighbors for years. We have had many other issues with her but we have gone out of our way to avoid starting a feud. We are not very friendly with her but we are not hostile either.

We have gotten to know her well enough to believe that talking with her is probably not going to work. I am also not in the mood to talk nice anymore.

What can we do to keep the fence intact or at least delay her until we can get a twenty-five foot section put up? I am willing to spend money on a lawyer or legal solution.

We live in upstate NY if that matters. When she bought the house we signed an agreement saying that we would not try to usurp the small piece of property next to her garage that we were using.

Help Me Help Them Help the Earth

Leezie — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 19:54:31 -0800

In honor of Earth Day, help me find a creative way to encourage my my neighbor to recycle. We have curbside recycling once a week and they never recycle anything. Their trash is an amazing collection of plastic water bottles, aluminum cans and lots and lots of paper. I hate to see all of this stuff go into a landfill when we have recycling and they have so much to be recycled. Can I do anything to gently prod them into maybe recycling? Is it even my business?

What's the best way to deal with my annoying neighbors?

gchucky — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 19:41:36 -0800

My upstairs neighbors and I have had small battles throughout the course of the year, but it's been getting worse as of late. Recently they've taken to stomping around at odd hours of the night, and it's driving us crazy. What's the best way to defuse the situation with them? Here's the story. I live on the second floor of a four story apartment building in Queens, NY. There are between 8 and 15 people living in the apartment above me, three of whom are little kids. I've had to talk to the head of the household several times, and he's been nothing but cold, brusque and nasty.

We've had our spats with them over the past year or two. In the second half of last year, someone upstairs was routinely pouring a liquid out the window at 1 AM that was urine occasionally mixed with lemon soap detergent. Only after I repeatedly talked to my sup and showed him both pictures and physical evidence outside of the window did he actually go up and talk to them - and even then, they denied pouring anything out the window, though it stopped after that.

But recently it's been worse. Their kids run around the house from around 4 PM to as late as 11:30 PM. My girlfriend and I have to be up fairly early for work, so it's really awful - not to mention that most of the light fixtures start to rattle around, which will probably not end well. We've taken to banging the ceiling with a pole when it's particularly bad, but they just started stomping around in response.

So things are getting worse, and I don't know how to deal with it. I should probably talk to my sup again, but he sort of likes the people upstairs and tends to be protective of them. I don't do well with confrontations, and I don't want to have to go up there and talk to them.

What should I do? What are the most constructive ways of dealing with this?

good stories make good neighbors?

headnsouth — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 11:28:33 -0800

Please help me remember this little zen-like "life-is-what-you-make-it" story about moving to a new neighborhood. It goes something like two men are moving to this town, and they ask [the local wise man-guru-buddha-whoever] what are my new neighbors like? And [wise man] says, what were your old neighbors like? And the first guy says they were great, loved living there, good people etc. and [wise man] says well that's exactly what your new neighbors are like. And the second guy says they sucked, they were selfish and didn't mow their lawn etc. and [wise man] says well that's exactly what your new neighbors are like.

That's the gist of it but it's all out of order and I'd like not only to be able to relate it properly but also to give proper credit it if there's a known author.

(Other little vignettes in the same vein are welcome too.)