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How do we get a message across to our neighbors, The Leadfoots?

Anonymous — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 07:44:01 -0800

Feeling abused by noisy upstairs neighbors. Looking for some strategies to let them know we are not doormats. We've lived in our charming, poorly soundproofed, hardwood-floored apartment for almost four years. From the beginning, our upstairs neighbors, The Leadfoots, have been noisy; the situation went into a freefall when they had a baby. Leadfoot Junior, now two and a half, hits the ground running at 6:30am, and pretty much continues at that pace as long as he's home. I work late and need to sleep another hour or two in the morning, but it's impossible, even on my day off. The incessant running at all hours is often coupled with the parents shouting at Junior, Junior falling, Junior throwing things.

We have gone the whole route trying to communicate with these people:

Polite conversation in passing: they changed the topic and continued on their way.

More insistent face-to-face requests, suggestions of slippers, carpets, etc.: they responded that it's their right to do what they want in their own home; Mrs. L is allergic to carpeting; and how dare we infringe on their liberty by suggesting what they should put on their feet.

Letter-writing: a printout of the permitted decibel levels and 'noise-allowed' hours was shoved under our door.

Complaining to the landlord: he replied that Mr. Leadfoot was a pain in the ass, but otherwise just shrugged and said we should work it out ourselves.

And, out of complete frustration, ceiling banging, yelling and some very loud electronic music/Chili Peppers: this actually seemed to work a bit, so we know it's possible for them to make less noise.

The last time I went up on a Sunday morning to (very calmly) tell them that Junior's running the length of the apartment and jumping directly over our heads in our bedroom was disturbing us, I was treated to some dripping sarcasm from Mr. Leadfoot (who was holding a shoe-clad Junior on his hip), and then Mrs. Leadfoot went nutty, screamed like a banshee and slammed the door in my face. The next day, she went to the police and filed a complaint against us for harassment. We filed a counter-complaint, but the whole thing is fairly meaningless.

We are looking for another apartment and hope to move out within the next two to three months. In the meantime, the Leadfoots, smug in the aftermath of their visit to the police station, have let all hell break loose and make as much noise as they want.

I think my SO and I are pretty reasonable people. Over the years we've been here, we've let a lot go unchallenged. We hate the fact that we could not work this out reasonably and maturely. We're moving. But we've probably got another 90 days of living under what sounds like a bowling alley. And it makes us furious to just sit here and take it.
Confronting them is out of the question now. What suggestions can you make for ways to let them know that we're down here, they're disturbing us, and it's not ok?

I don't want to smell like an ashtray!

peanut_mcgillicuty — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 06:51:03 -0800

How can I mask or block the smell of my neighbor's smoke in my closet? My downstairs neighbor smokes in his apartment and the smell is making its way into my hallway and closet. My clothes are starting to take on the scent. If I sleep with the bedroom door open, the smell often wakes me up, and even when it doesn't, I wake up with the sore throat and congestion I normally get after a night at a smokey bar. It's been getting worse as the weather gets colder, presumably because he's now got his windows closed. I want to make the smell go away!

To be very clear, I am not asking how do I confront him or complain to the management company. There have been well-publicized accounts of tenants or condo-owners fighting smoking neighbors in New York City and I'm not willing to go that route yet. I'll certainly look into filing a complaint with my management company, but I want to take steps to mitigate the smell myself first. Frankly, I don't care if he smokes in his apartment, even if I can smell it a little, as long as it doesn't wake me up or make my clothes stink.

What I'm looking for includes suggestions on blocking up any possible nooks and crannies in this closet or finding absorption materials to put in that will block, absorb, and otherwise mask the smell. I currently have a fridge/freezer baking soda pack in there, which has made not one bit of difference. I did not notice any holes in the closet floor or walls when we moved in. But another closet in the same hallway doesn't smell, so I'm sure there's something in my closet that's letting the smoke get in. For what it's worth, the smoke smells mostly like cigar or cigarillo smoke, or cigarettes, but definitely not pot. Sadly, not using the closet isn't really an option, storage space being at such a premium in NYC.

Has anyone had to deal with this before? What did you do? What are some (preferably inexpensive) options to deal with this?

So now, my kid is a shoplifter. Grumpy neighbor relations ensue.

Anonymous — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 08:15:32 -0800

My kid spent the night with his friend. The next day, thinking he's still at the friend's house, I get a phone call from the local grocery store. Seems my kid was shoplifting. Now, both of the mom's involved are angry with each other. I'm posting this anonymously, because I don't want my son to find this. The details are kind of ugly. Throwaway email at shopliftersmom@gmail.com. Apologies for the length.

The boys are 12 and 13. Mine is the younger one.

My son spent the night with his best friend. I'm friends and neighbors with the parents. The boys have had sleepover pretty often, both here and there. The last time their boy was over, we caught him smoking in the bathroom after we'd hidden every possible bit of tobacco and alcohol in the house. He's been known to steal cigarettes from his own parents and has been, in general, a troubled kid.

Saturday afternoon, I thought my boy was still at the friend's place, playing video games or whatever, when I get the call from the local grocery store. My son had been caught shoplifting.

I went and picked him up. The people there were more than reasonable. Actually, they were very, very kind. They'd even considered just letting him go, but I was glad they didn't. I figure if you're going to get in trouble, you might as well learn a lesson from it. He and his friend had walked there and my son said he was thirsty, but had no money, so he took a soda. We've been shopping at this place for years. They know me, my kids, and the other family involved. The store also has the best water fountain in town, just for the record.

He says his friend had no idea of what he'd done, which I find hard to believe. He'd asked them to let his friend go home, and they did.

Here's the tricky part. My kid is a straight A student with no history of bad behavior. His friend, on the other hand, has recently been allowed back to regular school, so there's a lot at stake for him if he gets caught misbehaving.

I tried to call the other parents before I left to get my son and they weren't home. The oldest daughter had been left with the phone and responsibility for the kids in their house. The boys left before the other parents did. The other parents also weren't home when I got back and went to collect my son's things. They didn't even know about the incident until Sunday. No, I didn't call. I was pretty angry and didn't want to be venting at the wrong target. On Sunday, the other mom called and left a message, which I tried to return, but got voice mail. Then, she showed up at my door and came on in, like usual. She seemed surprised that I was aggravated with her at all and stomped off mad at me. I mean, we usual have coffee or drinks together regularly, and I can't be grumpy about this?

Here's my beef. They left not knowing where the boys were. What they do know is that their son gets in trouble pretty often. No one called me to say they were leaving because they left their teenage daughter home and in charge. When they did find out what happened 24 hours later, there was nothing even remotely like a "sorry I lost track of your kid when he was in my care." And, their kid has a history of this kind of crap and mine doesn't. The boys' stories also don't entirely match up, and the other boy took an attitude with me when I picked up my son's things.

I know kids make stupid mistakes, and believe me, we are having repercussions. He's grounded. He's written letters of apology to the two folks whose day he made worse at the store. I sure don't see anymore sleepovers for a while at anyone's house.

We've all known about various dysfunctions with the other household. The mom I'm talking about has often come over to vent, and my kids have been considered positive influences to their kids. My kids know they are loved, but I'm generally one of those moms who doesn't take any crap.

I know this is long, but I guess my biggest questions are:

1. How I should feel about this and deal with it appropriately.
2. How I should feel about the other mom, who has been a long-time friend of the family, getting angry with me for feeling angry with her? She seemed super-offended that I was put out with her at all. If the situations had been reversed, I think I would have gotten a lot more grief.
3. This family friendship has been pretty one-sided for a long time. Is it time to just write it off as too much trouble?

Low threshold for noise

neworder7 — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 18:33:43 -0800

I have very low threshold for certain sounds. I can't handle noise, especially I find high pitch female or children voice unbearable. I also have trouble with neighbors walking around, the high bass thuds etc. I am 35, male.I have always had this problem even as a kid or teenager. I cannot stand people eating or chewing noisy. I have left restaurants for that reason.

I can't stand hearing chatter coming from the distance.

I can't seem to focus at work (cubicle farm) or never feel relaxed at home.

However I don't have any problem listening to music loud, or traffic, or animals, or nature.

I have a history of OCD / depression/ anxiety, tendency to get obsessed. I know you are not my doctor, but where do you think I should seek for the solution?

Is this a psychological problem or is it there a physiological condition in which a persons senses are just too acute/sensitive? I am asking this because under fluorescent light my face and eyes turn red too.

really obscure folk(?)song ID

seansbrain — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 13:35:04 -0800

identify the originating song with these lyrics... It doesn't matter what you eat it all turns to meat eat your neighbor eat your neighbor, etc... Heard it from a cruise ship entertainer, of all people. Very strange.
My last try at researching it had me finding a random livejournal page which had the full lyrics, but nothing about it's origins. It identified it as "the taco bell song," though I imagine that's a misnomer.

What bird is making this noise and what can I do about it?

Tin Man — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 08:54:03 -0800

What kind of bird is making this annoying noise (mp3 file; alternate link here) behind my Manhattan apartment building? And what can I do about it? This is our second summer living in our apartment in a residential area of Manhattan. During the spring and summer, we occasionally hear the above noise, which I assume is a birdcall, from somewhere behind our building. (You may have to turn up the volume a bit.) It went away during the winter, but then the weather got warm a few months ago and it started up again. Sometimes it happens every 10-20 seconds or every minute or every few minutes. Sometimes we don't hear it at all. Sometimes it's quite loud. It's usually during the daytime but sometimes at night. It's really annoying.

So I'm dying to know -- what kind of creature is making this noise?

Our apartment faces the back of the building, and there are other residential apartment buildings behind ours, so I assume someone behind us must own a bird and they have the windows open when the weather is warm. Or maybe some creature with a spring and summer migratory pattern roosts on a nearby roof. I've looked out the window numerous times scanning for birds in apartment windows and I haven't seen any. There's also more than one apartment building behind us, and sometimes sound can bounce around, so I have no idea where it's coming from.

Next question is, what can I do about it? I know the default answer would be to call 311, but how are they supposed to find a bird that makes noise only sometimes? Are the police supposed to come and hang around on the street for a few hours? What if they can't even hear it from the street?

So, (1) what kind of bird is it, and (2) what can I do?

Will I have to hide my collection of "R"-rated movies if I have them over?

lbo — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 15:22:42 -0800

How should I interpret these recent interactions with my new, very-LDS neighbors in Sandy, UT? Will a housewarming party be more awkward than it's worth? Background: My husband and I just moved into a very family-oriented neighborhood in Sandy, Utah. We've been living in Utah for four years, but have lived in apartments where neighborly contact was minimal. I'm 27, my husband is 30, we aren't LDS and we don't have any kids yet. We knew that buying a home in Sandy would mean that we would have a lot of LDS neighbors, and we have no problem with that. If anything, we've heard generalizations about what great neighbors LDS people make-- friendly, willing to help, unlikely to have obnoxious late-night parties, etc. We really like Sandy and, for a variety of reasons, we wouldn't be interested in living in parts of Salt Lake City that non-Mormons typically consider more desirable (e.g., Sugarhouse or the Avenues).

On Tuesday night when I wasn't home, my husband was working in our yard and was approached by a car full of LDS missionaries who stopped and casually asked him (without leaving their car) if he was a man of faith, if he had ever been to a temple, and if he wanted to go with them to one of the local temples that is offering tours to non-members this month. He politely declined and they left. About a minute later, two men drove up together in separate cars (one was a police cruiser) and stopped to talk to him. The timing seemed odd since their arrival was in such rapid succession after the car full of missionaries left. The police officer (in plain clothes) joked that their visit was "unofficial police business" while the other person, wearing a work ID for the LDS Church, just said that they were neighbors (without indicating where they lived) and told him we should let our next door neighbor know if we need anything because they all belong to the same ward and would be happy to help us if anything came up. They emphasized their membership in the ward several times. My husband was friendly and thanked them for the offer. Once they left, though, the more he thought about it, the more uncomfortable it made him that the officer brought his cruiser.

We interpreted the whole encounter as their giving us a gentle reminder that they know we're not LDS and that they're keeping an eye on us. Was the cruiser meant to be intimidating? The whole thing seemed kind of awkward more than anything, but we are just trying to figure out what the intention was behind it. Why had they driven down separately? And was it just a coincidence that the men who seemed to be missionaries had just left?

Before this little meeting, I had been thinking about hosting a housewarming party and inviting my neighbors. I'd still like to do that, but I want to minimize awkwardness in every possible way, which is leading me to feel a little concern about whether I should include my non-LDS friends. Should I have two separate parties? If I invite my neighbors and my other friends, will I have to keep it totally alcohol-free? I don't want to alienate anyone-- LDS or non-LDS.

I've read another question regarding being a non-Mormon in Utah and I found the general responses and advice to be very helpful and insightful, but I'm really looking for advice about this particular situation. We're going to be living here for at least another three or four years, so we want to keep things as friendly as possible.

Thanks!

Rewarding a Kind Neighbor

HopperFan — Sun, 31 May 2009 07:41:16 -0800

How to thank a kind neighbor who went out of her way to return a lost phone? I apparently dropped my phone while walking from my car to the house last night.* This morning, I went out to see if my phone was in the car, after looking all over the house, and found a note on the windshield - "I may have something of yours, please call." There was also a business card left inside my front door with the message "I have your phone, please call."

I texted my SO via the computer to call her, since he was out running errands - and she said that she did have it, she found it in the street this morning, and she'd call us when they got back from breakfast.

I'd like to offer her a reward, but I don't know how much to offer. It's a rather expensive phone (the new Blackberry Bold). I don't think she's the type to accept it, but I'd rather make the gesture anyway.

And then, if she doesn't accept it, what else could I do to thank her? I was thinking a large bouquet of flowers, or maybe a gift certificate to a pet store, since she has three dogs.

Any ideas?

* [Yes, I am an idiot.]

Is it me or him? Help me with neighborly noise.

motsque — Mon, 25 May 2009 07:26:38 -0800

Am I overly sensitive to my neighbor's noise? If not, what magic words can I say to my landlord? I'm a female grad student living alone in an apartment that I mostly love. I've been here about a year, and I'm waiting on my landlord to bring by a new lease for another year. I've looked through past posts on the issue, but I couldn't find my exact situation.

My neighbor talks all the time, apparently to himself. I can hear him screaming while he's in the shower, banging in the kitchen -- wherever he is in the apartment, he's yelling about the economy, politics, whatever. Sometimes he seems to be yelling at the T.V. or radio. Sometimes it's of a personal nature (I know way too much about him), and maybe he's on the phone then.

The common wall between our apartments is in my bedroom, so I complained to the landlord before Christmas when he was talking until midnight or one and starting again around 4 or 5 a.m. The landlord later told me that he couldn't get in touch with the guy, although the noise toned down for a bit. These days, it's pretty quite during late, late hours since I complained a second time a few months ago. It's starting back up again pretty bad though.

Also a few months ago, my landlord was in here doing some work on my apartment, and commented about how it was true, you could hear the neighbor like he's in the room with you. However, my landlord also asked me both times I complained to not actually confront the neighbor or say anything to him directly (which bolsters my suspicion that the guy is a little unstable).

Since the last time I've complained, I moved my bed into the far corner of my living room, where I've been sleeping well. I put my work station in my bedroom, but I'll be moving that back out to the living room today as well. Basically, my bedroom is useless, even for watching TV, if my neighbor is home.

So here's the essence of my question: Am I over-sensitive? I know that in apartments, a certain level of neighbor-noise is expected and must be dealt with. I can handle my other neighbors, their kids, whatever, but this guy -- having been exposed to this constantly has finally worn down my tolerance, I think. Have I already been too accommodating by sleeping in my living room and wearing ear plugs while he's home? (Ear plugs only work if I'm in a far corner -- I can still hear him clear as a bell through foam ear plugs if I'm in the bedroom.) Oh, and while I don't mind the occasional obscenity, this guy can put sailors to shame, which was pretty upsetting for my uber-conservative mother the only time she stayed over.

If I'm not over-sensitive, what magic words can I say to my landlord to finally get this guy to shut up? I love the location of my apartment, the price, the layout, and I don't want to leave. Part of me thinks I shouldn't have to be the one to go just because my neighbor screams at the T.V. all day. What do I tell my landlord to force him to do something?

Sorry if this is long. I'm a little frazzled since I'm trying to work from home today, but neighbor's off work for Memorial Day and having a go at the news.

Buy Kid-Size Earplugs?

glider — Tue, 05 May 2009 18:12:05 -0800

My next door neighbor has a terrible hardcore band that has started jamming weeknights. Not super late, but until ~10pm, which is very late when you're trying to get a six year old to bed. It's more than loud enough to keep her awake, and even watching TV would be difficult. Going with the assumption that he's a dick and won't stop, what can I do, if anything? I'm in Toronto, in a live/work (legal) studio space, where I *think* the noise laws are between 7am and 11pm.

Who [is going to] let the dog out?

cooker girl — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 17:14:19 -0800

I'm supposed to be there letting the dog out in about an hour but I'M NOT THERE! I was supposed to be staying at a friend's house in another city this evening but couldn't go because of a sick child. We were to be taking care of the friend's dog for this evening and tomorrow morning because my friend is not going to be home this week. My friend arranged for a neighbor to take care of the dog for the rest of the time she's gone. I have the neighbor's email address and sent an email last night saying we wouldn't be there and to please let me know the email was received. So far, there's been no response. I tried reverse phone look-up and of course the neighbor's number is unlisted. I also called my friend's cell number but she's in the Outer Banks and I don't even know if she gets cell reception. What can I do to make sure the poor dog gets let out tonight??

Sorry if this is kind of all over the place. I'm just in a hurry because I was without any kind of computer access all day and now I'm worried about the dog and I don't know what to do!

Neighbor impeding water runoff

tronec — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 14:44:38 -0800

How do I approach a business owner whose work on his adjoining property is causing excess water to pool on our lawn? . . . details inside. . . A portion of our home’s grass backyard serves as a drainage path for water from our neighbors’ yards. When the ground is saturated or frozen, sometimes water will pool in our yard, roughly 6” deep, 25’x35’, for a couple of days following heavy rains. The downstream adjoining property (zoned for business) was purchased last summer. Over the winter, the new owner dumped some 15 truckloads of soil/gravel on his property where the water used to flow on down from our lawn. Following March rains, our “pool” is now at least a foot deep and has lasted for more than a week. It encompasses a much larger area including the bases of two 30’ trees in our back yard. I don’t want the water to stand so long that it would kill the trees, nor do I want a semi-permanent bog/mosquito hatchery in our backyard.

I will speak to the property owner, but how should I approach him? What do I have to negotiate with? Do I talk with him first, or with the city/state officials to find out legally what our rights are? I do not have $ for a lawyer. (Illinois city of 20,000)

I would like at least a return to the relatively unimpeded flow of water from our yard. This would likely mean at least the installation of some sort of drainage tile on his property.

How do I not get taken advantage of ?

Taurid — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 15:10:50 -0800

What is the best approach for me to take and continue helping my senior neighbor out without being taken advantage of by her and/or her children? I have an elderly neighbor ( in her eighties) who my family has been helping for the last 17 years. We've done things like cut the grass, clear her driveway ( and sidewalk) of ice and snow, drove her and her husband (before he passed away two years ago) as well as taken her to appointments, out for suppers, and on day trips, etc. Recently however, she has been having fainting spells and her heart is not that good. There is a good possibility of her driving license being canceled because of her health. She is very upset about losing her independence. She has three children, two of them have licenses to drive, have their own vehicles, and are capable of taking her places but seldom volunteer to. They live close by. My neighbor lives alone in her own home.

My neighbor has an eating disorder. How can I help?

phunniemee — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 09:22:39 -0800

My neighbor has an eating disorder. How can I help? I'm almost completely certain that the girl who lives in the apartment below mine is bulimic. I can hear her throwing up. This has been going on for months, and it seems to be getting worse. (Back in December it was only about once a day. Now it happens at all hours of the day and night.) She wasn't doing it when I first moved in (September), and when I met first her she was thin, but not alarmingly so (I'm pretty sure she's a trainer at a nearby gym). The last few times I've seen her she's looked very thin, sickly, and pale. (I want to make it clear that I'm not jumping to conclusions here.)

The thing is, I really don't know her. I've only spoken to her briefly a handful of times, and only then about mundane apartment-type things. I really feel like I have to do something, though. It's killing me to know that there's someone so nearby who's hurting herself and I'm not doing anything to help. I'm considering writing her a letter, but what do I say? I know a decent amount about how eating disorders work and affect people, though I have no first- or secondhand experience. I don't want to put any pressure on her or stress her out and potentially make things worse. I also worry that if she knows I can hear her, things might escalate and she'll to hide it and make things even more dangerous for herself.

So, what can I do? Outside of letting her know that someone cares, I don't even know what my goal is here. If I should write a letter, what should it say? Advice from people who have been there will be much appreciated.

What to do about neighbor who looked through our mail?

tedunni — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 10:58:58 -0800

Last week, my wife and I were out (no cars in the driveway), but my mother-in-law was at home and she saw our next door neighbor looking through our mail as he was walking his dog. I'd like to confront him without ruining our friendship. Any suggestions? My mother-in-law says when he saw her by the window he put the mail back and kept walking.

Some background:
We moved into a very friendly neighborhood about 2 years ago. Our neighbor has been very friendly - once giving us tickets to a football game, another time letting us bother his air pump, and overall being very nice. He is retired and stays at home most of the time.

This has really bothered me and I'd like to confront him without antagonizing him. Its more of a superficial friendship as we only talk when we see each other outside, however I'd rather not have problems with our next door neighbor.

How can I go about doing this?

How to say I'm sorry I saw you when I should have looked away?

Slap*Happy — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 21:04:55 -0800

How do I say I'm sorry, I understand, It's OK to a neighbor with Tourette's Syndrome or something similar... without making it worse for either of us? OK, we live in a nice new apartment in a New England city, and there is a Screamer who lives across the street, and I mean right across the street. She will, at various times of the day, go out on her porch, and start screaming at someone, it sounds like she's going at it with a faithless lover on the cell-phone, combined with a two-year-old in the cereal aisle at the supermarket. I could never quite make out what she was screaming about, but I was annoyed that she was shrieking like that.

Tonight, when she started up, I rushed out onto the front porch to see who it was screaming, and to try to figure out what they were screaming about.

It... was... awful. She knew right away I was there. It was incredibly offensive words punctuated by pleas of forgiveness. I know now that she really and truly can't control herself, and I feel very, very bad that I intruded on something so painful and personal.

So... how do I say I'm sorry, I understand, It's OK... without making it worse for either of us?

Can you break a lease in Massachusetts without pentaly because of a bad neighbor and unresponsive landlord?

csimpkins — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 20:20:07 -0800

My friend and his fiance have a mentally ill woman living below them who is making their lives absolute hell. They live in Massachusetts. Would there be consequences if they break their apartment's lease to leave because of her? The lady who lives in the apartment below them is schizophrenic. She routinely throws furniture around, pounds on walls, screams during the night, posts awful derogatory (and often scary) notes in common areas (pics of some are posted on my flickr, if you're interested), and stomps up and down the building's stairs while singing in the middle of the night.

It's getting worse. Neither of them are sleeping well and they don't feel safe there anymore.

They've already called the landlord regarding her behavior many times. Over the last couple months, they've called at least once a week to complain. The landlord keeps saying he wants to take steps to evict her, but other residents at the building claim he's been saying the same thing for longer than they've been living there. (Can you even evict someone because of a mental illness?)

They're six months or so into a one year lease. Can they legally break the lease and move without penalty because of the situation? If so, are there any formal steps that need to be taken to either get deposits back or protect themselves from this guy taking action on them?

What do I do with a querulous neighbor?

Anonymous — Thu, 25 Dec 2008 14:50:00 -0800

My downstairs neighbor seems hypersensitive to noise, and repeatedly complains and threatens to "tell" on me to our building supervisor. Advice? I am very quiet, and rarely have guests over. I rarely play music, but this neighbor, who lives directly downstairs from me, has repeatedly complained about even the noise of me walking across the floor, even barefoot. Ordinary conversation in normal tones of voice is offensive to her, at 8 a.m. in the morning.
I'm hardly a large person, and although the floor is hard wood, I walk quietly and rarely have company over. None of my other neighbors in any direction have ever complained. Nonetheless, this neighbor below has repeatedly come up, rung my doorbell at all hours of day and night, complained about the noise, and then threatened to report me to the manager.

Based on the fact that she has been in the building "15 years" and that I've only been here one, she claims that the management would surely be on her side, should she complain. Of course, I'd rather not take the chance, but I don't see how I could be much quieter than I am already!

I feel extremely harassed by this woman, and limited in my abilities to function in the apartment. I've already laid down a number of rugs to reduce what little noise I do make. Short of moving out and going apartment-hunting (not fun in this city), are there any other things I can do?

This building is relatively old, but has a mix of residents, some with children and some without. There are *clearly* really loud people, including some who party at all hours, and I honestly think I'm quieter than most.

This woman does seem a bit kooky, to put it kindly, and I'm not sure that management would take her complaints seriously, but I'd rather not take the risk. I just want to be able to live in my apartment without being harassed at the door on a frequent basis. Any advice for how to get this woman to stop?

Suggestions, both legal and otherwise, are welcome!

Wrong to be annoyed by neighbor?

gnash — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 11:08:30 -0800

[Annoying Neighbor Filter] Is it fair to consider a neighbor parking directly in front of the sidewalk that goes to the street into your house every day poor form? Especially on a snow day? This has been happening for years. My previous neighbor did it and my current neighbor does it. They don't have a garage (I guess) and choose to park in front of my house (and theirs) as it is the most direct path to their own home (directly across the street) and it is convenient to them.

Therein lies my problem. There is no consideration for others here in my opinion (myself as well as my visitors). I admit in these turbulent economic times, that this is a minor annoyance, but it burns my wick when I have shoveled a path for my 85 year old grandmother and said path is blocked.

Your input desired MeFites! Annoyance justified?

My neighbor's dog killed my cat. Now what do I do?

Anonymous — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 14:05:21 -0800

I need helping dealing with a difficult neighbor situation and the death of a family pet. What would you do? First some background: The house we have lived in for about 5 years is in a decent working class neighborhood in the suburbs. It is next to the worst kept house on the street, something we didn't notice until move in day. The neighbor that lives in this house seems nice - we exchange hello’s occasionally but that's it. Shortly after we moved in we noticed a lot of traffic coming and going to the house. Mostly high school-ish age kids, some rough looking dudes on harleys occasionally late at night. I went to college for several years and had a fantastic time, so I was aware of what was probably going on.

The houses in our neighborhood are small, but have big lots which are great for gardening. We choose to mainly grow vegetables and such. My neighbor is more into the commodity type of home gardening, on a large scale. I am pro-legalization, but not for grow-ops in your backyard. I have no problem with personal use. Last year the neighbor decided he needed extra security so he got himself some pit bulls. Three at last count.

Yesterday a visiting relative let one of our indoor cats out into the backyard. He has snuck out in the past but generally gets bored or hungry and comes back in an hour or two later. The relative left for the day, not realizing the cat had gotten out (she says). She mentioned when I got home that one of our cats was missing, and then shortly after that the neighbor knocked on our door and said his dogs were missing. I put things together quickly in my head and a few minutes later was standing over our deceased cat in our backyard.

I am fairly certain that his dogs got over the fence by climbing on top of one of the cars in their backyard and jumping the fence. However one of our side gates was open from a utility company person who was in our backyard the day before, so there were no dogs around when I got home. There are signs in the backyard of a definite chase that occurred. It is possible, but highly unlikely, that some *other* dog or animal is the culprit. It was not another cat judging from the condition of mine.

I want this neighbor gone. Or at a minimum his dogs gone. I can report a “vicious animal” and animal control would investigate (I called and asked), but part of me is thinking wait until Spring and make an anonymous call to the cops about the garden. Fear of retaliation (and stupid drug laws) has kept me from doing this so far.

I'm not sure a "you need to get rid of the dogs and pot farm" conversation will go over well.

What would you do?

Short story - man buries money under a tree

Mapes — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 15:28:12 -0800

What is the name of the story in which a man buries stolen money under a sapling, ends up buying the house next door, and years later tries to retrieve the money only to find that the neighbor has already taken it and left newspaper clippings? I think I read this twenty-five years ago and only recalled it today. Has anyone else heard of it?

Help me smoke the smokers.

allkindsoftime — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 14:45:55 -0800

NYC-Renters-filter. How do I make my management company make the ass-hat neighbors upstairs stop using our patio as an ash-tray. We moved into a new first-floor apartment a few months back, and it comes complete with a private patio accessed from our back door, behind the building. Cleaned it up, threw up a patio table, umbrella, tiki torches, the whole deal.

And then the butts started to rain down. And it hasn't stopped. After the first month, we cleaned up a few dozen of them, and found that one of them had burned a hole in our umbrella. So we left a polite note with each of the rear-facing units on the 5 floors above us, asking them to please use an ashtray instead of the yard. We heard back from 3 of them letting us know they don't smoke, that left the top floor or the guy directly above us. The guy directly above us is regularly out on his fire escape with friends, smoking it up, but never drops them when we're out there. The other day, however, I heard them out there and then saw - through the window, a butt hit the patio.

We've called the management company multiple times about this. Today I did another cleanup and found 57 cigarette butts, 29 joint roaches, 19 used matches, and one broken lighter. That's over 100 chances to start a fire on our patio. And an hour after I cleaned up, I walked back out and found a fresh butt on the patio. The only open window above our place, all day, has been the neighbor upstairs.

I have it all in a bag and I want to march over to the management company, find the guy in charge, present him with the bag, documentation of our calls on the issue, documentation of the damage already caused, and insist that an end be put to it. But I'd also like to know what my rights are as a tenant.

Can I refuse to pay rent? Is there some department in the city that I can threaten to go to if the management company doesn't put a stop to this? Should I threaten to go to a lawyer? Should I go to a lawyer first? (I'd rather save my cash, hence this question prior to that) How do I make them get their shit together and threaten these kids with more serious consequences if they don't stop throwing their shit in our yard?

TIA.

You don't mind if I park your car in, do you?

purplevelvet — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 23:27:04 -0800

My neighbor has asked permission to park her car behind me (which means I have to go ask her to move her car anytime I need to get my car out). How can I place reasonable limits on the privilege? We live in an apartment building in a neighborhood that has limited street parking. My apartment came with a covered parking space - which can fit two cars - while hers did not. The area is somewhat sketchy after dark, although I often walk home from public transit late at night and haven't had any problems.

My neighbor, who I hadn't met before, approached me a few months ago to ask if, when she couldn't find street parking, she could park behind my car. I'm a bit of a pushover and like to avoid confrontation, so I eventually agreed on occasion she could if there was no street parking.

My first concern was being stuck if she wasn't at home to move her car but she says she doesn't go anywhere without her car and to be fair every time I've needed her to move, she has been able to do it quickly. However, it is an inconvenience - especially when I'm running late. A few times, I've driven home to find her car already in my spot, forcing me to go find street parking (I often leave my car at home and wouldn't want to strand her).

She found an alternative solution for a month but it doesn't work anymore, so she has written me a note asking if I mind if she parks behind me again. She mentions that she's going to have surgery soon, so it would be nice to be able to park close.

So, am I being unreasonable and unneighborly to not give her free reign to park behind me? How can I say no in a nice and compassionate way, or - preferably - set limits for occasional use that aren't incredibly arbitrary (if it's more than one hour after sunset and you're in pain and you've driven around the neighborhood three times and wished on a shooting star and still haven't found a spot, then you can park behind me)?

Neighbor problem

quintno — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 13:55:30 -0800

How would you answer a neighbor who doesn't like the color of your backyard shed and leaves you a note saying "please repaint it." The shed is in beautiful pastels to match my hydrangeas and I spent a lot of time deliberating on the perfect paint colors. Her house is white-on-white. I have never met her (and this is after four years), but in her complaint to me noted that she has to look out of her kitchen window 150 times a day--even though her property is two houses away.
I would welcome any advice, short of repainting the shed.

Ceaseless Barking For No Obvious Reason

26.2 — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 22:40:03 -0800

My neighbor's two dogs have been barking non-stop for well over an hour. These are yappy dogs, but nothing remotely like this. I'm not a snooping neighbor, but I went over and looked into her house. Nothing looks amiss and both dogs appear to be fine. We live in small 1920's bungalows; I can see most of her house from the windows. I can't see into the back bedroom, but I can tell the TV is on there from the flickering light. Her SUV is not in the driveway. I'm not angry about the dogs barking, but more concerned. Is there anything I should do? It there a way to quiet the dogs? She sometimes stays at her girlfriend's house and I'd hate to have the dogs barking frantically until the early morning.