Ask MetaFilter posts tagged with needy

Cat expert needed! I petted a stray I feed, now he clings to me like a limpet. How do I get him to relax?

Jennifer S. — Sun, 26 Oct 2008 07:23:10 -0800

A neglected neighborhood cat has moved into my yard and is driving me crazy with his nonstop needy behavior since the day I petted him. What can I do to help him chill out? I've been feeding a neglected neighborhood cat. I plan to talk to his owners, get him fixed and adopt him out to a better home.

The cat has moved to my front yard and lives there 24/7. I petted him one day. He was affectionate and friendly.

But now whenever I step outside the house he immediately comes at me very aggressively looking for a rub. I can barely take a step to my car to get to work, school, the store without him weaving around my legs so intensely I can barely take a step without stepping on him...

I have stepped on him twice, accidentally kicked him twice, and hit him with the screen door on him accidentally twice.

I have never had such a maddening test of patience in my life.

I want to help this cat, but HE IS DRIVING ME NUTS. It now takes several minutes just to walk 10 feet to the car.

I've dealt with a needy cat before, but not like this. One stray neighborhood cat I adopted did the same thing, but not so aggressively, and she got over it.

But she was inside the house. This needy cat has not had his shots and is a male who still sprays, so I am waiting to fix and vaccinate him to bring him in.

Perhaps when he is brought inside he'll feel more secure. But until then, and even after that, there anything I can do to help this poor cat be less of a total nuisance and adjust? He has food and shelter and I don't mind to pet him or spend time with him. But I need to cure him of the neediness so he is adoptable, and also to be able to take a step out the door without having a 12-pound animal IMMEDIATELY attach himself to my knee and whine for my attention.

What can I do?

Clingy like a barnacle.

moitz — Thu, 22 May 2008 11:23:40 -0800

How can I extract myself from a relationship with an overly-clingy (and engaged) coworker? Whole mess o' details inside. About a year and a half ago I violated one of my cardinal work rules: Never work with your play friends, never play with your work friends. I started hanging out with a girl from work, outside of work. Bad plan. Things progressed from friends to a good impression of dating (which brought it's own set of headaches at work, most of which have been dealt with), to me moving in with her (even worse plan), to me moving 50 miles away from her. However, we still work at the same company, on the same project(s).

She is insanely needy. She will call me 3 to 4 times a day, and multiple times in a row if I don't answer my phone. When her fiance is not around, she views me as her backup fiance. She is innapropriately affectionate for a friend, and as the result of a few months of loose morals on my part, thinks she still has carte blanche to touch my special bits at will. This bothers me, I keep telling her it bothers me and to knock it off, but she doesn't get the hint. At work, she throws a tantrum if I do not drop everything I'm doing to do something for her. Obviously, that kind of behavior is not professional, but I don't want her making a scene involving me, so I generally give in.

A few weeks ago I told her that I needed some distance from her, and she threw a temper tantrum. I held my ground on it, aided by her being out of the country. However, when she returned, it was back to business as usual, and surprise! I'm getting depressed as a result of my inability to get the hell away from her.

I can't begin to express how much this annoys me, and how much I want to just tell her that I don't want to see her outside of work at all. Any time I even come close to that, she throws a fit, and she has a bad habit of indulging in guilt trips (i.e. how I'm her only close friend) and personal attacks (speculating as to why I'm single). I'm generally fairly immune to those, but she carries them over to work. I am perfectly capable of maintaining an entirely professional relationship with her, and would LOVE for that to be the case, but she doesn't seem to be getting the hint.

So what do I do? I need to hear from her far less often outside of work. I need to be able to work with her at work. I cannot be her backup fiance, if for no other reason that it affects MY dating life. How the hell do I get myself out of this hole I've dug?

I'm needy--help! (pun intended)

Anonymous — Fri, 03 Aug 2007 09:21:11 -0800

I'm needy--help! (pun intended) Something that pushes my buttons is the feeling that I am being ignored. For instance, I have a really hard time waiting for someone to contact me when we are dating, and I get upset if I call or text message someone and don't hear from them. This makes me act all sorts of insecure.

I could go into a deep psychological interpretation for why this happens (there are reasons) but I would rather just learn to grow up. If I can't learn how to feel less needy, how can I act less needy? What are tricks for distracting yourself when you're obsessing about why he didn't call? How can you stop yourself from sending a text message or email to check in when you shouldn't do it?

I seem to have a lot of difficulty with modern forms of communication (cell phones, instant messenger, text messages, etc.) because when you know the person has received your communication but hasn't responded it feels like they are ignoring you. This makes me incredibly anxious. I really wish I could be more independent.

How can I avoid feeling lonely?

rwatson — Wed, 11 Oct 2006 08:51:45 -0800

How can I avoid feeling lonely? I have a fair number of friends, both close friends and more casual acquaintances. I don't suffer from a lack of social activities. But sometimes I just feel lonely, even though I don't really have more time hang out with others. I start distorting reality and believing that I don't have any friends when I probably have more than other people in my environment. It can be especially hard when I feel that I am excluded from cliques or activities involving more casual acquaintances.

Is there a good way to avoid these feelings? I don't think they are really based in reality. I could make more friends and spend more time socializing but in the end I don't think that would help. I think the problem is more the unrealistic thought patterns than anything else.

Need Girlfriend Breakup Advice

nmorgan — Thu, 07 Jul 2005 07:38:00 -0800

I'm a graduate student who has been dating a classmate for about a year and a half. She a nice girl for the most part and a mother. I should explain that she got pregnant at an early age (19) from an older man (about twice her age) and still managed to do well academically. While I realize that she is very well put together academically, emotionally she is not as mature a person as I would ideally like to be with. I recently broke up with her (or at least I thought I did), but ended up right back in her arms consoling her and attempting to stem the apparent emotional devastation this break up was causing. I have been clear about my issues and honest to no avail. What do I do to get out of this relationship? We live in the same building and function in the same atmosphere. I can live with her hating me. During the (mock) break-up she told me I was the best thing that ever happened to her and she can't let me go. I am only her second boyfriend (the first being the father of her child) and third person she's ever had sex with. She has a history of clinging. I imagine a lot of people would say sever this cold turkey, but theres no such thing for someone who clings so tightly and does not appear to have the emotional coping skills to deal with rejection. I am afraid of her hurting herself, the kid, me and so on. She has absolutely no friends outside of her sister who is a year younger, while I have many. She doesn't appear to be able to connect with anyone other than her sig. other (me) and her sister. She hates her mother, doesn't know her father that well and says she is unable to bond with her child (quote, " I don't really feel attached to the child"). This leaves me alone on an emotional island of sorts. Maybe we all need therapy. I have taken the issue of birth control into my own hands, as I am afraid if left to her we might 'accidentally' end up in babyland. A bad situation for all. Any ideas, I'm open.

GoodbyeGoodDoctorFilter

mrs.pants — Mon, 21 Feb 2005 09:43:35 -0800

I'm looking for this : http://www.gonzo.org/hst/ht/funstopped.html cd, mentioned in the memorial thread on the front page, problem is I can't seem to find it for a decent price, anyone know if Itunes has the comp, or if some kind soul has uploaded it? Back in the days before my computer puked and died I had all the songs via napster (way back in the day) but now I'm pretty clueless... Any help greatly appreciated.