Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with needs

The Impossible to Shop for Relative

zizzle — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 07:55:38 -0800

Christmas Gift Filter: Uncle who does and needs nothing. What to get? For Christmas, my family does a "give one gift, get one gift" list. This year my husband has one of my uncles who is insanely hard to buy things for. Absolutely no idea what to get him. Here are the facts, please offer suggestions:

- He is a bachelor in his mid-50s.
- He bought a small house about a year ago, for which he has everything he needs already.
- Giving cash would be the equivalent to an insult and giftcards would remain unused.
- He enjoys a frothy beer, and we would have gone for a beer of the month club except that alcohol is illegal to ship in or to the state he lives in via any type of packaging service. So, that's out. (And due to the baby coming any day now, we won't be spending Christmas there this year and so can't hand-deliver any gifts.)
- He likes New England sports teams, but he has been given so much by way of shirts, sweatshirts, in Pats, Red Sox, Celtics, and Bruins gear that this seems a "I couldn't think of anything else" option. He also doesn't wear what he has been given all that much.
- He doesn't read and seldom watches movies (worth noting: he has an eye disease that makes it difficult for him to focus his eyes for long periods of time --- when he does watch sports on tv, he often has to close his eyes frequently and for a few minutes at a time.) So, books, magazines, movies, etc. don't seem good choices either and I wouldn't know where to begin with those. . .
- He doesn't cook much.
- No pets and no particular fondness for animals.
- I am not aware of any other hobbies or interests. He just seems to lead a quiet, insular life. He has friends (I've never met any of them, but he has them) and doesn't appear to be lonely in any way. I just don't think he does or cares to do a lot. . . .

I'd consider a home brewing kit, but I don't think he'd use it. I'd consider tickets to sporting events, but I don't know what his schedule is and don't want to risk picking a day for which he already has plans.

Any ideas? Anyone?

People-the 8th wonder of the world.

sixcolors — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 20:26:08 -0800

There are times that I find it really hard to "understand people". Two questions have been weighing on my mind this weekend. How do I accomodate people's practical needs that I'm not familiar with? How do difficult people make and keep friends? There are times that I find it really hard to "understand people". Two questions have been weighing on my mind this weekend.

How do I accomodate people's practical needs that I'm not familiar with? I feel that I have let down some people within the last couple of weeks. I recently served food at a party, majority of the foods had nuts in it, or was made with peanut oil. Guess what? One of my guests had a peanut allergy. It never occured to me that one of my guests could have a pa. I felt like an ass. A little later, I invited some people out to lunch. I told the hostess that it did not matter where we sat, smoking or non-smoking session. Little did I know that one of my newer friends was very sensitive to smoke! What are some YOUR practical needs that you like for people to take into consideration?

How do difficult people make and keep friends? I am AMAZED how many fucked up people have friends, and friends that would do almost anything for them! I know so many people who are gossipers, backstabbers, unreliable, judgemental, and all around negative...yet they have tons of friends. Why would people associate with them? I don't get it.

Stomp stomp stomp, KILL

bondgirl53001 — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 10:21:29 -0800

Some new neighbors just moved into the flat above us. How do I reduce the noise of their constant stomping? Would asking them nicely render a solution? And more importantly, is there some stomping disorder in modern psychology that I should know about? Because their flat is the same size and layout as ours, which isn't that big at all (you can walk across the hall to the door in about 10 steps) and I am genuinely baffled at how much stomping can indeed be done in such a capacity.

Software for construction

hernandez5000 — Sat, 15 Sep 2007 17:40:42 -0800

I am a contractor who specializes in Multi family apartment remodeling. Can anyone recommend an estimating software that is affordable and easy to use.

Need list of autism schools

jurczyk — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 12:22:55 -0800

Is there a comprehensive list of US schools for autistic children available in print or on the web ? I'm looking for a list of autism schools with contact info (street address, phone, URL, etc.) I've found the info for some regions (usually counties), but not a complete list.

Blame the caffeine for all the 5 a.m. phone calls

Phire — Tue, 02 Jan 2007 21:07:31 -0800

[Insecure Female Filter] Help me feel less clingy when asking for affection from or even just displaying it to my more stoic significant other. Back story & lots We have been going out for a bit over a year, after being friends for over two years. We're both in a rather vigorous academic program. Thanks also to extracurriculars on both our parts, we tend not to see each other more than once a week or once every two weeks outside of school, although we do share two high-stress classes.

I'm the “Let's tell everything to my diary in exceeding emotional detail!” type, whereas he is more of the “I'm okay, why wouldn't I be?” type. He's always been incredibly receptive when I'm feeling neglected/insecure, and we're usually pretty good about communicating and solving issues.

My current problem is two-fold:

1. Winter Holidays and the bit of free time it gave us led to an increase in time spent together, both in person and online/on the phone. With a week left before school starts and assignments becoming a real threat rather than a distant shadow, most if not all of the increased closeness has ceased. We're back to keeping an MSN window open and typing maybe one or two lines every ten minutes, etc. While I understand that this is natural and assume that this is a byproduct of stress, the transition is painful (as it was when we switched from summer to school)

2. It seems as though I'm the only one who feels this strain, and even though he is, as I've mentioned, receptive when I have a problem, I always feel guilty if I bring a problem of this nature up with him. Though I do understand that people simply have different needs, and he may not see either the decline in communication OR me bringing said decline up as a problem, I hate feeling like I'm the one causing any/all unpleasantness in our otherwise healthy and happy relationship.

If I take to being affectionate to make up for the gap, though, it feels like I'm bothering him, or like his replies/reciprocations are cursory and obligatory. Having mentioned this sort of problem before, I don't think this is necessarily the case... he is simply more stoic than I am, and perhaps in less need of explicit affection. I do not think this is a “deal breaker”, so MeFites, I would love your input on what I can do to reduce my feelings of clinginess/guilt for needing more affection. I'm normally a very independent person with an active life outside of school and this relationship, so the breakdown of rational thought concerning this issue is irritating to no end.

Thanks!!

Tidbit worth noting: Upon giving the draft for this question to a friend to check over, she makes the observation that this seems to be "a perpetual issue". Make of this what you will. =)

dui dad

phredhead — Mon, 14 Nov 2005 12:08:35 -0800

I need help from a Chicago cop to arrest my Dad for a DUI... You see, my dad is destroying our family.
Help is nowhere, he thinks he is the victim and blames everyone else.
No Doctors, programs or meds have ever helped.
THE ONLY thing that gets his attention is shame. It has to be from a seperate, third-party though. Like an arresting cop.
He doesn't care about the shame we in the family give him, in fact, it fuels his rage and bitterness towards all of his family.

This addiction has had a grip on him for 30+ years.
I think getting arrested for dui would be a great start towards sobriety.
He drives drunk all over Chicago every other day and will kill someone soon by continuing to do so.
How can he be caught?

What Do You Want?

strangeleftydoublethink — Mon, 04 Oct 2004 15:10:54 -0800

What do you want that you are not getting? Within reason, based on your current situation. For me, the number one thing is personal/free time alone to do what I please. Number two would be sex. Number three would be a new close friend.