Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with namechange

Does my father really need to know my last name?

MuChao — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 11:52:44 -0800

My father doesn't know my last name. Should I clue him in? How? I'm going to try to keep a long story short. Even as a child, I had a distant and strained relationship with my father. My parents divorced when I was three and I saw him for a month or two every summer, until I was a teenager when he basically kidnapped me (by keeping me, out of my home state, past the time allotted in the custody agreement). I ran away from him (back home to Mom). I married (VERY young) and he took my husband and I to court for an annulment. He lost that court case and I didn't speak to him for about 8 years.

I divorced 3 years ago and instead of reverting to my maiden name, or keeping my married name, I took my mother's maiden name. Two years ago, my father's father's dying wish was that my father and I reconcile. Fine and well, I guess, as an adult, I have no real obligations to this man, but I'm willing to grant my dying grandfather's wish.

So my father and I have been speaking for two years now. He's the same misogynist I've always known; patronizing females, talking down to me as if I have no intelligence whatsoever. He rarely asks my opinions and hardly ever asks about my life. He prefers to discuss the not-so-important - his cats, food, antique shopping. I'm not sure we've had any conversation of substance in the two years I've accepted him into my life. I'm kinda ok with this, actually.

Given our track record, I haven't actually told him my last name changed. So far, it hasn't been too much of a problem. I still live at the same address as I did when my divorce was finalized, so his mail still makes it to me. My bank account has been notated with "AKA Married Name" because of a surprise check he sent me for my birthday last year (my father has a tendency to show love with money, which *almost* encourages me to keep him in my life for the financial assistance, but I feel slimy using *anyone* like that, including him).

I took my mother's maiden name. He'd recognize it, he wouldn't be happy about it. Do I tell him? When I mail out his Xmas present via FedEx, do I put my current or my married name on the return address? (When sending regular mail, I usually just put an address without a name, but baked goods need to be sent overnight.) It's not that I'm *actively* hiding it from him, it's just that he's never asked and I've never really found a good way to divulge. I'm also kinda worried that if I move from this address his mail will get lost or returned to sender. I don't plan on ever having kids, but if I'm female, so I likely wouldn't be passing along my last name anyway. I'm my father's only child. Advise me, Hive Mind!

So much for long story *short*.

A Rosensweigelheimer By Any Other Name ...

Anonymous — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 10:11:13 -0800

Planning to change my last name, which isn't a common thing for men to do. Not sure what reactions to expect from colleagues and peers. How can I best deal with potential social stigma and explanations of reasoning involved? Going from a multi-syllable "ethnic" name to a single syllable variation. I've always felt it to be a hindrance and would like to change it for myself and my family for many reasons.

I'm now in my early 30's with a small family, established career, decade old friendships, ... etc. While I realize it should make no difference what others think, I know that I would probably think it was "weird" if another man were to change their last name. I also worry about future job and rental applications making me look sketchy.

I'm hoping someone else has some direct or indirect experience with this and might be able to offer advice on how best to ease the transition. Also any advice on the process itself are welcome. Thanks.

[My offspring isn't in grade school yet. Wife is in school switching careers.]

Hyphenating stepson's last name. Advice?

Anonymous — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 14:33:20 -0800

Looking to do a name change (hyphenate) for my stepson. His biological father is fine with it. Just looking into protocols, possible issues later, best processes. More inside. My stepson is now a first-grader; we've been together since he was two. His mom, my wife, is a teacher at his school and has my last name (call me "Miller"). Unofficially, my step-son has used my last name for a while, especially since the birth of his baby brother. His father knows this and is totally fine with it. We have decided to officially change his name to a hyphenate of his father's (call him "Jones") and mine (thus, Jones-Miller). Again, let me stress that his father is completely supportive of the change and of this format.

So, the question is, how is the best way to go about this? We live in Kentucky and are aware that there will be some kind of cost. Is there anything that we should be aware of in terms of other things that we would need to change that might not be obvious at first? Many thanks.

is a name-changed passport blank?

karl88 — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 00:22:26 -0800

when you change your name, and send in for a new passport, do they send you a completely new passport with no stamps in it? do you get the old one back? or do they insert a new identity page? it would be a shame to lose all the stamps and used visa's in my current passport....

Change my name while living at current residence, or waiting till I move?

Anonymous — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 06:49:50 -0800

I'm changing my last name. Should I do it now or wait until I get a new place of residence? I want to legally change my last name, primarily because there are some unsavory people I am related to, and I don't ever want them to know where I live or have them track me down. Or at least make it as hard as possible for them to find me. (Some of them are criminals, some are not. None of them have personally threatened me, only slandered me to an old employer.) None of them are immediate family. (Even if they do end up finding out some way, I'm set on changing my name regardless. It's just a matter of when.)

Should I change it now while I am still at my current address, which they are aware of, or wait until I get a new home in my current name and then change it?

Also, my state requires 3 weeks of publication of the name change in a newspaper published in my county. Is there either any way to get around this, or can I get away with publishing it in a tiny-run newspaper (such as those senior papers given away free at restaurants), buried in the back in the smallest print possible? (I know YANAL but I have one in mind if I need to contact one.)

Any other thoughts?

Hi, I'm ... oh, nevermind.

the luke parker fiasco — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 01:42:13 -0800

Looking for advice from people who have changed their names. I've never liked my first name. (I'm not wild about my last name either, but the first is the bigger problem.) I've gone through periods of hating it, periods of tolerating it, and a general long-suffering feeling of being saddled with something that I don't feel really suits me. I unfailingly cringe when I hear someone speak it, and I avoid speaking it to anyone else whenever politely possible. My mother asked me a few years ago if I had a preference between two pronunciations, and I responded that I didn't care, I hated them both equally--which about sums it up. I use my initials in most written communication.

The idea of changing my name has long bounced around in my head, but I've always ended up deciding against it, for a variety of reasons: don't want to disappoint my parents who clearly liked the choice, don't want to feel "pretentious", don't know how to go about telling people in my life to start calling me by a new name, doubts as to whether I'll be taken seriously by people who have known me for years by my birth name.

I've also had a really hard time thinking of something different that would feel suitable and not overly dramatic. I've not yet thought of anything that I feel comfortable enough to walk around and live with. I'm 30, and have grown accustomed to my dislike for my birth name; it feels like something I'm just stuck with, like physical features I dislike but can't change. Other people are accustomed to it and don't give it much thought either way, so the "why bother" sentiment usually wins out, until I again find myself in a situation where the frustration of disliking something as fundamental as the word that was chosen to identify me is something I hate hearing manifests itself again.

My middle name is common but uninspiring, and I don't have a particular interest in adopting it as my "unofficial" first name. My last name is not one that translates well to a first name, and due to my lack of connection with my father's side of my family, I don't want to take on their moniker as the word I'm identified by. My mother's maiden name is not really usable as a first name.

I'm female, but don't feel particularly "girly"--this is a small part of why I don't like my birth name; it ends in "a", which is strongly identified with femininity. I prefer interesting-sounding, more gender-neutral names, or names that are more clearly associated with a specific language or culture, but I feel like those would lose their novelty after a while, and perhaps just sound like a pretentious, weird name, especially if I don't have any ties to the associated cultural background.

So I'm looking for some insight from people who have found themselves in similar situations, or people who know someone who has gone through this process and how they handled it. I've read this thread, and found a couple of useful answers, but would like something more. What motivated you to make the decision to change your name? How did you go about choosing a new name that you felt comfortable with, and identified with? How did you go about telling your friends and family about your new name, and propagating it in social/familial circles? What were the reactions of family and friends when you told them to start calling you newname instead of oldname?

Name Change Problems?

Anonymous — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 12:41:43 -0800

I am becoming a U.S. citizen -- I'd like to know from people who checked the box to change their name. Should I, or not? Problems abound. Having filled out the naturalization form, I would like to check the box to change my name. I took my wife's name when we married, and now, being divorced, it seems absurd to keep it. As a man, I don't think I can revert to my "maiden" name easily, but would have legally to change it. I have heard horror stories, but nothing really direct. What does one get from the government in terms of documentation? Are there additional steps to go through? What is the nuisance level with regard to bank accounts, social security, driver's licenses, home ownership, work related certifications etc. How hard is it to do this? Where's the pain and nuisance? Another ripple, I am a University administrator, with international publications and well known expertise, so that also factors in. If any one has done this, I would be very grateful if you would tell me of your experiences.

Okay, I'm married, now what?

desjardins — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 10:42:04 -0800

Now that I'm married, what do I do next? I have a handle on the whole name change thing, but what laws/benefits/etc apply differently to me/us? What should I be doing about taxes and insurance? What else am I not thinking of? (We were married in Wisconsin; we live in Illinois.)

Née PleaseDon'tRemindMe?

thisjax — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 06:25:12 -0800

I'm about to toss my current last name and take a different one, for non-marriage-related reasons. For what/how long do I need to tell people my "maiden" name so that they realize that I existed before recently? I'm currently FirstName MiddleName Parent1Surname. Given that I've been estranged from Parent 1 and their family for most of my life, I've considered changing my name to FirstName MiddleName Parent2Surname. I'd rather not change my name to FirstName MiddleName Parent1Surname (as a second middle name) Parent2Surname — I don't want any association whatsoever with Parent 1 or their family. Also, all 4 names together are well over 30 characters.

Other than submitting all the necessary legal/financial/academic documentation, I'm not sure how to handle the logistics of entirely discarding one's surname. I'm still in university, but I've have a reasonable amount of work history (as well as employment-relevant Google results) under my current last name. At what point do I mention my previous name to prospective employers? Are there any other circumstances where I'll have to let people know about my previous name? Is this situation potentially complicated enough to warrant me keeping my current surname and adding the new one as a hyphenate?

If it matters, I'm in Ontario, Canada.

The Price of an 'e'

Bunglegirl — Tue, 13 May 2008 20:14:38 -0800

Should I legally change my often mispronounced name? My first name, as it is spelled, is fairly common for my age group. However, my name is pronounced with a strong e, and the common pronunciation is with a weak e, "eh" sound. Although it's just one letter it makes a big difference. I felt like my parents misspelled my name. I've only met five people with the same pronunciation in my life, so I understand why it may confuse people. When I was younger I begged my parents to legally change my name, so it's not a new thing for me. They had no problem with me changing the spelling but never bothered to look into it.

This spelling has caused me a lot of annoyance my entire life, especially when I was in school and even as an adult when meeting new people. At least half of the time the person I introduce myself to corrects my pronunciation "xeex?, you mean xex? People who have only seen my name in type are confused when they meet me and I feel pretentious correcting people. As I've grown up I've dealt with it and figured out when it's worth correcting people and when it's better to let them call me the wrong name. I can deal with it but it would be nice to have it spelled the way it sounds.

In middle school I started add an extra e to make the strong e sound. In college I switched to adding a line over the single e, although that's impossible to do when typing without drawing it or creating a new character in fontographer.

I live in Cook County, Illinois. I found a FAQ that covers the process for getting a name changed legally here. For adult name changes – the name change must be published in a legal publication for five weeks and filed in court on the date the publication expires. The filing fee for a name change is $294.00. The publication fee varies depending on the publication used.

1. Is adding on 'e' worth $300? I'm cheap and that sound rather steep. There's also the cost of 5 weeks of ads in a "legal publication" whatever that is.

2. Do I need lawyer for this? I prefer not to if I don't have to.

3. Have you ever changed you name? If so, what sort of issues do I need to prepare for. Do I need a new birth certificate, driver's license, credit cards, etc.? How long do I have after the judgment to get that all changed?

My details: Female, 30 years old, not married, don't own a house or car, no kids, no business, no debt. I am on the verge of applying for dual Irish citizenship so it would make sense to do this before I apply, I suppose.

She's changing her name from Kitty to Karen...

Glitter Ninja — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 21:19:46 -0800

How do I legally change my name in the state of South Carolina? In an effort to dissociate myself from my family (particularly my father) I have been mulling over for years a name change. As I'll be moving cross-country later this year, I decided the best time to do that is now, and would like to get on it posthaste. I've read online about the forms I'll need, and the process, but site by site, it seems it varies widely. Can anyone give me some solid information about changing my name in the state of South Carolina, especially if they've done it? And afterwards, how do I acclimatize people to my new name? Anecdotes highly encouraged- I'm a little intimidated by this whole process, but believe thoroughly that this is what I want to do.

For what it's worth, I'm located just outside of Columbia.

His name is my name tooo

rhinny — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 01:30:29 -0800

I want to legally add a hyphen in with my [many] names, how complicated is this in Canada? Legally, I'm John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt, so that becomes John [middle names] Schmidt for most things in my life.

I want to start using Jingleheimer-Schmidt as my last name [to make it Dad's-Mum's] but I am having difficulty determining whether I will have to legally change my name.

My other option is to gradually switch over and use the hyphen when applying for my coming passport and license renewals.

[On the plus side, I'm moving to the UK permanently so I can start afresh with health cards, bank accounts, and the like]

Does anyone have any ideas?

A rose by any other name...

sephira — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 11:10:48 -0800

What makes a good name? I've decided to change my middle and last names, but I'm having difficulty pinpointing what makes a name "good". We all know that person with the first and last names that just flow together. But what makes a name do that and remain in your mind? Why do some names just sound better than others?

Examples of badass names are welcome, too.

File taxes with a name mis-match?

Anonymous — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 17:38:52 -0800

There's a name mis-match between my social security card and my W-2. Can I still file my taxes and get a refund? I am a single, unmarried dude. Let's say I changed my name from John Public Doe to John Public. This is not due to marriage or anything (just didn't like my old last name; I changed it to my middle name). I have not gone down to the social security office to change it (my legal paperwork is elsewhere and I can't get to it anytime soon).
But at work, the payroll person changed it to John Public as soon as I told her about it in conversation. Now my W-2 says John Public but my name with SS/IRS is John Public Doe. Can I still file my taxes (online, Turbotax if it matters) and get a refund? I am broke and would like a quick refund. But will this automatically get flagged and endlessly delayed?

I tried to google and came across this. It seems like a workable answer (file with old name and get it changed as soon as you can). Can I just go ahead and file (given same problem but different circumstances)?
Thanks!

Can I change my name now, but start using it later?

fiercecupcake — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 05:45:38 -0800

Complicated name-change issues. I am changing my last name, but not due to a legal marriage. Can I get my name changed now, but start using it for everything later? My (same-sex) partner and I live in Texas; thus, we can't get legally married. However, we share finances (including several joint accounts) and have lived at the same address for over two years, as evidenced by our driver's licenses and growing amount of mass mailings. Now we are "lawyering up" in order to make a will, take care of powers of attorney, and do other assorted health/property-related paperwork.

We are having a wedding in October; however, all of this official stuff will be done before then. I want to change my name by adding her last name after my current last name, but it would be best to do it now and have that name be correct on all the paperwork we are filing, and I need to apply for a passport, and I would want that to be in the new last name, too.

So: Can I change my last name legally right now, use it for this paperwork and maybe even the passport, and then start using it in October? Or can I go ahead and change it everywhere legally now, and just tell people in October? If my last name is still part of my name (I want to go by MyFirst MyLast HerLast), I shouldn't have any problems depositing checks or the like, right?

Why change the company name?

gt2 — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 09:18:43 -0800

What are the advantages of a start-up company changing it's name? I work for a start-up company that will be seeking it's third round of funding this year. Our new CEO wants to change the company name and no one can really figure out why. Our company has some major corporate customers, so why would we give up our previous marketing efforts and the name recognition. Are there some fund raising advantages or legal advantages that come with a name change?

We have an announcement!

arcticwoman — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 12:29:46 -0800

My partner and I are in the process of changing our surnames. When this is done, we'd like to send out some announcement cards to friends/family etc to let everyone know. Where can I find cards to that effect? I've googled "name change announcement," "name change card" and several variations on this, but all I get are letters announcing the change of a company/business name. I'm looking for something classy and cheery saying something like "arcticwoman and otherarcticwoman would like to inform you that they have changed their surname to..."

If pre-made cards like this don't exist, we'll have to make our own. What would be the easiest way to do this, and, other than the dry and perfunctory way I said it in the above paragraph, how would I word such an announcement?

How can my fiancee change her name?

zardoz — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 02:11:44 -0800

Where can I find U.S. laws regarding name change after marriage? More specifically, my Japanese fiancee wants to keep her Japanese family name...what agency can I contact to question about this? This is kind of complicated, but here are the basics: I'm American (male), and I'm marrying a Japanese (female). My fiancee is undertaking steps so that she can keep her Japanese family name as well as take on my family name after we are married. In other words, her family name would be a middle name, or a hypenated family name.

As Japanese don't have middle names, and love bureaucracy, she has to jump through some hoops to get this done. The latest one is that she needs proof from a US govt. agency (as in a law) that it is OK for her to keep her Jap. family name. We live in Japan now and are planning to move to the US sometime in the future, and I guess the office wants to confirm this is possible.

In short, where can I find rules for US foreign nationals (or not-yet nationals) to change names?

How do I deal with a name change once the paperwork is done?

makonan — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 10:17:49 -0800

I am looking for advice from people who have legally changed their first name. Long story short, I hate my name. I mean, I am talking seriously deep levels of loathing here. I want it changed to something less trashy before I obtain professional licensure and move so that I can start over somewhere else without having this albatross following me. This is not an issue of changing my name to a commonly used nickname. I don't have one. I also have no middle name to fall back on. I have the paperwork, and I know the legal proceedings I have to go through to do this. I know I need to notify credit card companies, credit bureaus, Social Security, and the IRS so that I don't get chased down and have my kneecaps broken. My biggest concern right now is with complications that will possibly arise from using past employers and instructors as job references, as they have only ever known me by my current name.

What else am I missing? Has anyone else done this and run into unexpected snags along the way? I've googled the hell out of this topic and have come up short on everything but 'should I take my husband's name or not' anecdotes, which don't really apply.

Should I wait to change my name?

catfood — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 08:30:45 -0800

Is my passport enough ID for travel? Is having my name changed on my drivers license & credit/debit cards before a trip a bad idea? I'm going on vacation to the at the end of August, and I want to make sure I have no problems getting to where I am going with my ID. I will be flying to Florida from Massachusetts and then taking a cruise to various islands in the Caribbean.

I got married in October of last year and have been very lazy about changing my name on my personal documents. The only thing that has my new name so far is my social security card. My drivers' license, debit card, credit card, passport, etc all have my maiden name.

Because of this, I booked both the cruise & flight with my maiden name because I know that you need to provide ID.

However, I have just moved to a new state and would like to get my new drivers' license and update all my bank info once and for all. I suppose I could wait until I get back in September but (1) I am supposed to have my license changed within 60 days of moving to this state, so I've got about 2 weeks left (2) I'm sick of all of the confusion my old name on my ID & financial stuff has been causing.

Do you think there will be any problems if I travel with my passport being the only document that matches the name on my tickets? I could bring my marriage license as backup proof of my name change.

Money, root of all evil

mkb — Fri, 06 Apr 2007 04:36:07 -0800

How do I manage an assortment of last names on a check? I just got married, and a number of the wedding gifts were checks. Some were made out to just one of us, and some were made out to both of us, either with her maiden name or my last name.

She hasn't changed her name yet, but plans to. Are we stuck with not being able to deposit these checks until she does so?

How do I go about getting government-issued documents in a different name for a name change in Pennsylvania?

book — Sun, 25 Feb 2007 18:27:07 -0800

How do I go about getting government-issued documents in a different name for a name change in Pennsylvania? I've been hoping to change my name to Zor Owsley or Bou Ei something of that nature. I recently came across this application for renewal of a non-commercial driver's license, and the section for requesting a name change:

DL-143

CHANGE OR CORRECTION
1. If name is changed by permission of court, attach a Certified Copy of the Court Order. If you desire to use a name other than (1) birth name, (2) spouse's surname, or (3) a name given through a Court Order, you must provide a copy of a Social Security Card (or records), together with copies of documents from two other sources issued in the desired name such as: Tax Records, Selective Service Card, Voter Registration Card, Passport, any form of Photo I.D. issued by a governmental agency, or state issued Birth Certificate.

How would I go about having such documents issued in my desired name (without a Court Order)? If this isn't possible, how would I go about making a petition for a Court Order? I found this free form online, would it be suitable? Is a notary required? If anyone could point me in the right direction, it'd be greatly appreciated.

Am I going to get sued for not changing my name back after a divorce?

haplesschild — Fri, 29 Dec 2006 01:53:56 -0800

Am I going to get sued for not changing my name back after a divorce? I got divorced about 5 years ago. In the papers, I remember signing that I would go back to my maiden name. When it came time to change everything, they were asking for original documents, but I only had copies, and he had dissapeared with the originals. I know that I procrastinated, and it isn't something I'm proud of, but I never seemed to have the money to get the original copies from the court.

I used my maiden name when I could, but most of my records still have my married name. I just got a letter out of the blue from my ex, accusing me of "unauthorized use of his last name" and that if I don't have it cleared up by the 8th of next month that he will "have his laywers contact me".

I wrote him back and asked fo the original copies and will get it changed ASAP, but can he actualy sue me for illegal use of his name?! This is in Oregon if it is relevant.

Does my name remain the same?

TG_Plackenfatz — Tue, 05 Sep 2006 09:36:49 -0800

Have I successfully changed my name? So, I got married over a year ago in NYC. I opted not to change my name at that time, but recently decided that I would like to.

This morning, I went and got my name changed on my Social Security Card to my new desired name: "First Middle Maiden" is now "First Maiden Married." When I researched how to change my name on my Passport, it said all I'd need to do is send them my Marriage Certificate. And here's (what I'm afraid might be) the rub: my Marriage Certificate says "New Surname: Maiden."

It would seem to me that because of this, the Marriage Certificate doesn't really help certify that I've changed my name. I'm pretty sure I'd be okay at the DMV and with credit cards and the like by using the SS card, but might this cause problems? And if not with the Passport people, then might I eventually run into an issue? How else can I certify that I've changed my name, if I have indeed done so at all?

oh, the pain of the first name

cior — Thu, 10 Aug 2006 14:19:13 -0800

How do I change my first name on a booked airline ticket with Northwest? My client purchased an airline ticket to send me to a project meeting next week, but did so using my nickname as opposed to my legal first name. Last name is spelled the same, accurate. I tried to get the client to figure out the problem with their travel department, to no avail. How do I go about fixing this problem? What can I expect if I try to use the ticket as-is?