Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with nagging

My mother loves to talk when I really don't want to listen right now!

InterestedInKnowing — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 09:40:33 -0800

How can I drown out my mother's constant advice giving banter? I love my mom. I really do. She is the strongest woman I know. But sometimes I find it hard to tune her out when she is talking to me and giving me advice like a child. It makes me feel so annoyed. I don't mean to be that way but damn I feel I can't tell her to sit down and watch some TV. If I'm on the computer, it usually means "Do Not Disturb." But she loves, loves, LOVES to talk. She tells me things as if they are new concepts to me. Arrrgggh. What can I do? And she picks holes into my concepts at times which makes listening to her even harder. Either how can I gently tell her to stop her non-direct nagging or how can I stop being so annoyed at her jabbering?

Help me slay the nagging beast within

Anonymous — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 06:55:04 -0800

Help! I’m a clingy, nagging girlfriend. I don’t want to be. We’re a couple in our 20s who have been together a few years. We met on a site and are currently semi long distance. We’d like to live together at some point in the nearish future, so I’d like to have this under better control before we do that.

I don’t really have any close friends due to various past circumstances. I realize that this plays a big part in how I react. I’m overly dependent on him, especially when I get lonely. He is my social network. And I want to be more independent and stronger, for my own sake as much as for his.

He worked at home but was recently laid off. I’ve been unemployed (and looking, but no one’s calling) for some time. This of course, just makes things more stressful. If he’s busy with a project or one of his hobbies and we barely have any contact, I start to feel super lonely after 2 days. He’s kind of a semi-loner kind of geek with a strong personality, though he has a wonderful and sweet romantic side to him.

I’ve asked him to compromise and to talk with me. When he is gaming online, for example, just to take some breaks to chat with me online in between sessions. Things like that become a point of contention.

(FWIW, no I don't have any issues with him hanging out with the guys, spending time online gaming with or talking to his friends, or any of that.)

I then feel rejected, get upset, and start to nag for the attention I want. Of course, this just makes things worse and only gets me negative attention whenever it does result in any attention. He feels put upon that I’m constantly trying to change him (which isn’t my intention) and I feel like he doesn’t care about my needs (which isn’t true, but I push him away from caring with my nagging). I’m fully aware that keeping quiet or being positive, active, and busy in my own right makes it more likely I’ll get what I’m seeking. I’ve borne witness to it over and over again. So why then do I revert to this and how do I stop?

He’s truly the most unique person I’ve ever met. He feels similarly about me. We both love each other a lot and want things to work. But my nagging and dependency are posing problems. I’d like to work on that now so we don’t find it crushing us when we do move in together and make that greater commitment.

I need to learn to shut up, but more importantly, to not feel this way in the first place. I want to be free of that nagging person that I become sometimes (it feels like a monster inside). Tips on socializing (and making friends in your mid 20s) are also welcome, though budgets are tight right now.

(And yes, I’m considering therapy (or a pet), but if I can avoid going the therapy route, it’s preferable. I'm not as insecure as I might come off and am actually pretty sociable.)

This Nagging Question

kaizen — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 04:23:57 -0800

How does a husband and a wife deal with nagging and the resultant arguments? My wife is a self-admitted nag. I am a self-admitted procrastinator. She likes to make decisions and do things now. I would rather sleep on it and let things develop a bit. I don't have a problem with leaving a dish or two in the sink. She needs the place to be near spotless. I am not a slob. She is not anal-retentive. When she wants me to hang curtains, she wants it done now. If I need something done, I will do it myself on a deadline I feel will not impact the situation. I don't think this problem is unique to our relationship. How have you and your wife better dealt with this proverbial problem? A good answer to this question is not 'just pick up your sh*t!'.

I love you, but you're covered in the hand germs of the masses.

phunniemee — Sun, 01 Jun 2008 11:18:31 -0800

How do I get my boyfriend to wash his hands without nagging him? I wouldn't describe myself as a germaphobe, but I was raised to have a certain awareness of the things that I touch (and get touched by a thousand other people), and to wash my hands upon coming home, especially before doing something like eating or touching all up on my face. Grabbing onto the poles and straps on public transit really skeeves me out, as do bathrooms and public computers. If I'm carrying anti-bac gel with me, I'll do that as soon as I'm done, and/or I'll make sure to wash my hands the next time a sink presents itself. I tell you this so that you know I'm not some crazy wash-the-hands-till-they-bleed person.

Anyway, the boyfriend hasn't been instilled with this ability to notice potentially gross things. He'll full-handledly grab onto a rail on a bus, touch his face, pick something up off the ground, touch his mouth, open a door, and then sit down and start eating. He also often doesn't wash his hands after peeing. None of this seems to register with him. If it were just him, I'd sit back and watch in horror as the scene played out, but when he tries to hold my hand or touch me or (gasp) put his hands anywhere, excuse me, but no.

When we sit down to eat, I'll (always nicely) ask him to wash his hands first. If we're at home he'll usually comply, but if we're out, it's almost always a no-go. And I don't sit there like his mom and say "go wash your hands;" I'll get up and say, "be right back, going to go wash the bus off my hands," and give him a look. I know he knows what I'd like him to do, he's just being difficult. Same goes for the bathroom and everything else. Also, I worry that when I refuse to hold his hand (and tell him it's because his hands are dirty), he thinks it's because I don't like him (because he's just like that).

Long story short: How can I get my boyfriend to wash his hands with regularity, without nagging him constantly?

p.s. He is almost 22 and should know better.

A polite reminder to a forgetful recommendation-writer?

wreckingball — Sun, 21 Jan 2007 16:08:37 -0800

How might I go about com[posing a polite "reminder" email for a... forgetful recommendation-letter writer? I'm in the process of applying to grad schools, and the deadlines are fast-approaching. About a month ago, I made my requests to three of my undergrad professors, and all three agreed without hesitation. Since then, two of my letter-writers have written their recommendations, let me know that they'd done so, and mailed them off. I've heard nothing from the third.

One of my deadlines was Saturday, and I received an automated email from the school informing me that the letter from this third character had not been received. I'd been meaning to write him a reminder note since at least a couple weeks ago, after not hearing back from him (I acknowledge that I'm partly in a bind of my own making), but I'm incredibly skittish about email (and equally so with phone calls--I'm basically just shy to a pathological degree), and I was doubly concerned about "nagging" him about the status of his letter, when he was, after all, doing me a favor.

Well, in any case, now I know for a fact that he hasn't sent it off, as promised, and one deadline has already passed, potentially jeopardizing my application. I need to get in touch with him pronto to make sure that letters get to the remaining four schools in time.

Any guidance on wording, style, tone, etc. would be much appreciated. As would, to be honest, a sample email, outright. I need something that is both exceedingly polite, deferent, flattering, etc., but also, at this stage in the game, pretty firm. This whole mess is making me incredibly anxious, and without a little guidance, I'm just going to go further into a self-perpetuating spiral of second-guessing, and nothing will ever get done.

For context: this is a professor whose class (a twelve-hour, once-a-week, one-semester painting class) I took in the spring of 2005. We were on good terms, and we always have a friendly conversation if we run into one another. He's pretty busy, and maybe a bit high-strung (that is to say, "touchy"), however, and he's located out of Baltimore, while I'm currently living in Florida.

Thanks, guys.