How to talk about money with my spouse.

Anonymous — Wed, 08 Mar 2006 19:03:18 -0800

Money is difficult. I'm familiar with Your Money or Your Life, "pay yourself first", Quicken, The Tightwad Gazette, etc. but my money problems seem to be intertwined with a lot of relationship stuff that is hard to unravel. I make what looks like good money (to me): $55k a year. We payed $13k in taxes, leaving us with $42k. Ten percent of our gross goes to our church, $5.5k. [let's pretend that isn't negotiable, because for us it isn't]. Our home, which is within walking distance of work, has a monthly mortgage of $1200 (80/20). We have four kids, ages 9, 6, 5, 2. Our 7-year-old minivan costs $176 a month.

Money is really tight since we moved from our $800/month home, which was 25 miles from work, and costing us an additional $300/month in extra gas and vehicle costs. (we sold the second car, which was costing $160/month, when we moved).

Those are just some of the particulars of our finances. We are barely making it each month, which is a source of embarassment and shame, given our gross income. My spouse's identity is somewhat tied to our home and lifestyle.

Another problem is that we are not getting along that great, so it's very difficult to broach the subject.

My apologies for the amorphous nature of this post. I would be interested in hearing if anyone has been in a similar situation and was able to dig their way out. I am afraid if I moonlight and make and extra $500/month that it will just get spent.

Where do I start? It feels like there is more to this mess than just budgeting. Is there such thing as a combination marriage/financial counselor?

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