Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with motivation

A term similar to "psyching yourself up"

philosophistry — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 12:25:18 -0800

PsychFilter: What's the term for when athletes tell themselves, "come on you got this!" and it helps them play better? I'm interested in the psychology of self-improvement, and in particular a process that I call "method." Method is when you use a mantra to change your state of mind to achieve a goal. A common example is when athletes use method to clinch games. They repeat a phrase quietly to themselves, "come on, you got this, you're the best, win this, come on, you got this," and that spurs them on to victory. It motivates them, focuses their energy, and otherwise makes them play better. Why does this happen? It seems like magic. These are positive, encouraging thoughts, and much has been written about the power of positive thinking, but how come you can't use method all the time? Why can't you "pump yourself up" throughout the entire game? My experience with method is that it operates almost like a turbo, wherein you can activate it for a few minutes, then it runs out, and it takes some time to recharge.

Is there a different term for this? Is there prior research in psychology about this?

How to be really motivated but not miserable?

malhouse — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 11:48:13 -0800

How do you give yourself the motivation to be great, without also having a giant unfillable hole in your soul that will doom you to misery? My friend is depressed because she thinks she will never be truly great at anything. It seems like the obvious solution is to realize that happiness can't be tied to external measures of "greatness" or "success," because that is usually an impossible standard (no matter how successful she gets, it won't be enough.) There's certainly a long history of truly great artists, athletes, etc., who were still tortured or full of self-hatred.

But on the other hand, I don't want to seem like I'm encouraging her to settle for mediocrity. That could be insulting, and also, who am I to say that she shouldn't strive to be the best?

Just wondering if anyone has thoughts on how to reconcile this. I want her to be happy and fulfilled, but I also want to encourage her lofty aspirations.

PS: She is genuinely smart and talented, but I'm not sure if that's relevant.

I'm tired of being tired!

The Winsome Parker Lewis — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 08:53:03 -0800

What are some easy ways to get more energy and motivation? Lifestyle-specific details inside. I wake up at 4:45 every weekday morning and snooze until 5:15. Originally I did this because I thought I could trick myself into thinking I was sleeping in, but now I think maybe it's just a bad habit. I leave at 6:00am and commute two hours to work, work from 8:00 to 5:00, and commute two hours home, arriving at 7:00pm. By the time I get home, I'm exhausted and have just enough energy to make dinner, eat, and go to bed at 10:00. Every weekday it's the same.

When the weekend comes, I tell myself that I finally have some free time I can use to live a little, but I end up sleeping in instead, fooling around doing nothing in particular on the computer, and not getting out of the house.

Fortunately my wonderful fiancee makes sure I don't neglect her or my responsibilities, and she tries to keep me moving. But I just don't feel the self-motivation from within that I had once upon a time, and I miss that. I want to pursue hobbies in my spare time, but I feel like I have no spare time. I want to get back in shape. I want to start (and finish) projects. I want to recultivate old friendships and have company over for games and dinners and movies. I want to try new things and have adventures, like I used to do. I feel like I'm stuck in a rut.

How do I stop feeling exhausted all the time? The good news is, I'm moving much closer to work soon, which ought to help a lot. Apart from that, I'm looking for energy and motivation hacks. Any special habits I can form, or foods I can eat, or stretches I can do? Time is at a premium right now, and since I'm saving up for marriage and a honeymoon in May, so is money. Help me find some vigor to tackle my schedule and get the most out of life again!

Help me get over my stupid complexes so I can enjoy/succeed in college academics/life.

randomname25 — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 22:17:59 -0800

I'm finally on my own and liberal arts school should be the place for me. But I'm still approaching my coursework from the standpoint of "how little can I do and how late can I do it and still not utterly fail," and it's making me hate myself. This is very long, and for that I am sorry. Since I'm talking about a psychological problem it's hard for me to determine which details are important and which aren't.

I'm a sophomore at a small liberal arts school. I went to a Montessori elementary school, where almost no homework was assigned, and started public school in fifth grade, where instantly a ton of homework was assigned (new teacher). My mom would keep me in my room from the time I got home to around 10 or 11 pm (with a break for dinner), making sure I did everything up to her unreasonably high standards. When I protested she would yell at me that all work and no play was how it was going to be for most of my life and that, essentially, I was deeply defective if I didn't adapt. When I would refuse to do my homework entirely, she'd call my dad up and he'd join in. This was the period of tension that preceded my highly educated parents' extremely acrimonious and loud divorce, and this was one of the few activities they could still partake in together. Sitting down to do homework became associated with humiliation and submission. The disgust with which my mom (who was most other times very loving) looked at me when I failed to understand something turned learning from the ongoing adventure I used to see it as into an ongoing anxiety-inducing question of my worth.

Near the end of that year my parents were largely too busy screaming at each other to monitor me constantly and I started slacking off. Sixth grade, I did almost no homework and told my mom most mornings that I had been vomiting so I wouldn't have to go to school. I didn't even hate school itself at first (though I wasn't crazy about it); I just entertained this notion that I could catch up on all my old work in private if I could put off the teachers holding me accountable for one more day. But of course I just stayed on the couch pretending to be sick (my parents were almost never both in the house during the day, so it was peaceful, if mind-numbing). Eventually I stopped pretending I would catch up but lied about vomiting anyway to avoid the glares of the teachers who now resented me and the students who always disliked me (it took me until college to understand and be confident in peer interactions). The staying home mostly stopped when my mom took me for an MRI, the doctors failed to find any brain tumors, and she started demanding to see the puke. My parents would often berate me and tell me I was going nowhere fast in life because I wasn't doing my work, but I steadfastly refused to sit when they told me to, and they gave up on forcing me.

There were parent/teacher conferences (the way my parents brought their personal drama into these is more movie material than probably anything else in my life). I was made to see a social worker. In seventh grade I got an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) for "emotional disability" and spent one period every day fighting with my caseworker over my right not to do my assignments. This IEP stayed with me throughout high school. I'm pretty sure I failed seventh grade (hurray for social promotion). Eighth grade was mostly C's and D's. My parents' divorce was finalized.

I got to high school not knowing how to try (even though part of me really wanted to, so as to get into college). I paid excellent attention in most classes because I found them interesting, participated enthusiastically (yeah, I was that girl), and did well on tests that didn't require knowledge from homework. My freshman/sophomore year average was maybe a 2.0. My mom's mental health was declining dramatically. The summer before my junior year, my mom died after drunkenly crashing her car. Junior year I got maybe a 2.9 first semester and a 3.5 second semester. Senior year I got around a 2.6 first semester (these are really all estimations, I don't remember that well) and something awful like 1.5 the second since I had already gotten into college (they didn't rescind my admission, bless them). I had gotten into college in spite of these mostly atrocious grades because of my crazy/dead mommy story, 34 on the ACT, and status as a National Merit Semifinalist.

I cared about my grades in a way that made me beat myself up more than try to succeed. I tried to keep my head above water in panicked nights of kicking myself, but that's trying not to fail. I cared deeply and anxiously about my performance on particular assignments. Writing papers was the big one. I would sit at the computer unable to come up with or structure my ideas until insane hours of the night. Often, my almost invariably A papers were severely penalized for lateness. I'd think to myself, "you're disgusting," but ultimately I preferred an A dropped down to a D for lateness over a straight B. Evidence that one fine theoretical day, once I got over my complexes, I could be a serious intellectual was so much more important to me than my grade point average.

This has followed me into college, where I've been for over a year. I used to not be able to write my papers until insane hours of the night immediately before they were due, until I realized that some professors accept late work sometimes, and now I can rarely motivate myself to get them in on time. I almost never do readings, feeling like I'm failing when they're taking too long, preferring the fleeting feeling that I'm not stupid as I read easy articles on the internet. I always start the term out OK, but as soon as my workload becomes even slightly difficult to manage, I retreat into avoidance. It doesn't matter how much I like the subject. Then the absolute due dates come, and I'm up, sleep-deprived, in my room, consumed by fear and intense self-loathing, trying to cry for some feeling of release, and yet unable to. Every time this happens I grow to hate school a little bit more and avoid it a little more eagerly the next time I think I can get away with it. I got a 3.3 first semester freshman year after dropping from 4 classes to 3, a 2.6 second semester freshman year after doing the same thing, and now sophomore year I'm taking 4 classes and am terribly behind in my work.

I talk to my intellectually-oriented, high-achieving friends wondering what they'd think of me if they knew what I really was. I lie in the arms of the girl I like knowing she'd kick me out of bed if she knew of all the assignments I should be working on. I stare at my computer screen at the introductory paragraph of a week-overdue paper, too paralyzed and disgusted by the fact that I haven't read the book to put together a body (even though I've done it countless times before). I sit in class discussions largely silent, because now that I'm in college I can't participate meaningfully without doing the work. I'M SICK OF THIS. I want better grades, yes, but what I want most is to get the education I'm paying for. I no longer believe that screwing around is what's going to make me happy, but spending hours listening to Dan Savage and reading soft news on NYT reminds me so much of Pokemon Red, and I can't help but think that I'm a 19-year-old trapped in a 10-year-old's emotional baggage. Help?

How can I find what I'm looking for when I don't know what it is?

pedmands — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 16:14:35 -0800

I am always on the precipice of an epiphany, or so I think... I've had this lingering feeling for a long time, now; as if there's one last key to turn before the bounty. It's something that I haven't really learned to cope with, and its strength seems to ebb and flow in a direct relationship to my concentration. Like the Atlantic, the tide may seem to shallow its depth, but its mass is ever-present.

It's certainly a motivating factor in my life. I've pursued its nagging for hours at a time, but the promised payoff is always elusive. The impetus behind it is abstract and therefore frustrating, and when I inevitably turn up empty-handed, I feel a deep defeat. Hence the coping.

A few examples of this drive that some of you might relate to:

Broad: It's the feeling that, if I just find that one bit of information out there in the overwhelming stream of data, most everything will 'click'.

Specific: The knowing that if I work on this chorus a little more that the song will finally be the one I've been trying to write since I set out to capture it.

Personal: The insistence by my inner-self that when I stumble upon the right thought through free-association, I'll understand myself.

...

I consider it a gift; an affliction; a curse.

What is it, really?

Perhaps a chair coated with glue?

BitterOldPunk — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 15:09:03 -0800

With NaNoWriMo looming ever nearer, I would like to hear your best tips, tricks, habits, and techniques for staying chained to the keyboard. Realizing that the point is to get 50,000 words written, I've jettisoned all illusions of producing quality, publishable prose. My only goal is to finish without having to copypaste "All work and no play makes BOP a dull boy" five thousand times. I have a (rather vague) outline, I have some preliminary character sketches, and I have every expectation that the first ten thousand words will flow fairly quickly. But. I suck at follow-through. I have the attention span of the common housefly. So, writers: how do I stick with it, fight through discouragment and ennui, and produce 50,000 reasonably coherent words?

Note: I'm not looking for tips like "prepare moar" or "work your plan". I'm looking for how to stay motivated when the fun stuff stops and the hard work begins.

Alternatives to Tony Robbins?

surenoproblem — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 01:50:54 -0800

Recommendation for alternatives to Tony Robbins for people who find Tony Robbins a little eerie? After borrowing it from the library, I've been surprised by how useful Tony Robbins's Program, "Get the Edge" has been to me, but I can't shake the feeling that Tony Robbins is a bit of a fast-talking salesman type guy.

Are there some good alternatives that are more thoughful, less like an infomercial?

I suppose I'm looking for something that helps me to pause from the activities of life, to consider my life and what's important to me, and then remind me to apply myself towards these goals.

I also like that it's on CDs; something about hearing someone's voice makes it easy to digest the information. And I like the structure, 31 days (or whatever) and you do a certain amount each day, building up progress.

Do you guys have recommendations?

From Awful to Awesome

divabat — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 15:25:50 -0800

Are there any stories of people notable/talented/successful in their field who started out being completely crap? Most of the "roads to success" stories I've read involve the person having some form of latent talent at the beginning, or actually having talent but not being appreciated for it. But has there been anyone who was or is currently successful at something that started out being really really bad?

A sportsperson who was a total couch potato and could hardly run, or a painter that couldn't grasp technique, or a dancer that kept stumbling. But through effort and persistence they broke through and became a star.

Any stories along those lines?

Divorced, jobless, need advice.

saragoodman3 — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 20:52:53 -0800

Stuck in a rut. Help me find meaning, direction, and help me get back on my feet. My husband cheated on me, and after months of trying to work it out, I left him, and moved back to the town where I grew up (2000 miles away from where I’ve lived for the last seven years), to be near my family. As the first one to get divorced, they don’t know what to do with me, or what to say, though they have tried to be supportive. They often leave me out of plans , because they think it will hurt my feelings to be invited, and even though I’ve explained it hurts more to be left out, they don’t seem to get it.
After our marriage ended and I was forced to move back home, I lost a lot of friends, and the handful of girlfriends I have left have small children, are married, and can rarely talk on the phone. We facebook.
I got laid off, so I get unemployment, but have been unemployed for months. I have been volunteering, taking classes, and taking care of my elderly grandmother, who has cancer.
I met a nice guy at the dog park, and even though I like him just fine, and he is a good person, there is no spark.
Luckily, I have a great dog companion, and a kitty has adopted us. I am never lonely at home. They are endlessly entertaining, and are wonderful company for the hour or two I sit on the couch at night.
I have no furniture, I have few clothes, I'm sleeping on an air mattress. I miss the house I carefully decorated, and the kitchen utensils I saved up for. I miss my stand mixer. I used to enjoy cooking, but don’t have the tools anymore, and don’t see the point in cooking for myself.
I'm broke. I don’t have a job. I don’t really have a boyfriend, but I'm okay with that. I miss having girlfriends. Its hard to not have coworkers at least. I'm thinking about trying internet dating. I just turned thirty. I spent my birthday with the dog.
Its nice not to have much junk; its nice not to have a bunch of near-meaningless material things. I was living in a mild climate, working a jeans-and-tshirt job. In the next few weeks, I'm going to need a winter coat, heavy boots, new tires, and hopefully I will need work clothes. I can shop at thrift stores. I don’t know how I will afford much. My husband has the savings account.
I feel lost. I need direction. I need motivation. I need to read books or watch videos about living frugally and surviving divorce. I used to have goals, but now I don’t see how I can accomplish them by myself; many are no longer applicable (have kids, vacation together, etc).
I went to therapy, but cant really afford it anymore, and didn’t get much out of it. I was hoping for feedback and inspiration, but all I got was a sympathetic ear (wow, your husband was an unbelievable jerk!). sympathy isn’t bad, but wasn’t what I needed.
Where should I look for inspiration? I need guidance. I need to get out of my rut. Please don’t tell me to just ‘get over it’; I get that from my well-meaning family members.
I need to conjure a job. I’ve actually been offered a few – and I accepted, right before they called me back to say the position had been cancelled by upper management. Its hard to even apply when I know the odds of my application even being looked at is so slim.
I have been successful before, but I don’t know how to be again.
I know part of this post is a pity party, but please ignore that. I really need help, and have tried to pull myself up by my bootstraps, and have tried to lean on family. Now I am here to humbly ask the meta advice.
Have you been through this? How did you get through it? Advice is appreciated, links to helpful books or websites included. Please keep in mind that I cant go out and buy a bunch of books.

Help me get over my fear of inadequateness in workplace

the_dude — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 08:48:52 -0800

I'm having trouble adjusting to an environment where everyone around me seems to be leaps and bounds more advanced. I'm working at a small tech company (with big clients). It's very technically oriented, not like a consulting firm, we just develop stuff all the time. I'm a recent hire; kind of made my way in through luck and they seemed to like some of the stuff I used to work on.

What my problem is that although I'm fairly competent (at least passable) in my field, I feel like my co-workers are just geniuses that seem to be able to do anything faster or better than I can. And it has been literally rendering me pretty much dysfunctional lately.

For example, I come up with an idea that we can all work on. Start researching for it, talk to my co-workers about it. And before I can actually start doing anything about it, like a day later, one of my co-workers excitedly show up at my desk, showing off what he did with my idea; he just implemented it in the time it took me to get my head around some of the technicalities. Don't get me wrong; I'm not jealous or mad and I have *no* hard feelings towards that guy or anything.

Stuff like this happens just keeps happening. And I feel growingly incompetent.

What it makes me feel like is just being unable to start doing anything on my own. It's to a point that I feel like if I embark on something either it's going to be way too late compared to others or just it's going to fail (and them somebody will have to finish it up).

I do not want to give up what I am doing and I know I'm in a place where I had been working for a good part of my life. I can't let this go. However, I need some help to get around my fears. Or whatever you call them.

Is this going to fix itself, or what?

molybdenumblue — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 17:08:48 -0800

Help me understand/encourage my seemingly unambitious boyfriend. Boy and I have been together for two years now. We are both in our mid-twenties. We have a very happy, mutually supportive relationship; I have helped him through some very difficult times in the past, and he is now helping me with living expenses while I complete a second bachelor's degree. We communicate well, and I think he is a good person with a fine brain.

He has his high school diploma (worth noting that his sister and half brother both failed to complete high school) and attended a couple semesters of junior college before he failed out because he stopped going to classes (this was when he was 19 or so). His life went off the rails for a while after that when he developed a chronic health condition and experienced economic hardship, but he now has a job in a distribution warehouse with a reasonable living wage and good benefits.

I have encouraged him to look into going back to school, but he seems very hesitant. I went with him to our local community college (where I've had good experiences myself) and walked him through the process of applying, financial aid, etc. I suggested he register for just one or two classes at first to build confidence, and offered my academic help (I work part-time as a tutor at the college level). The expenses are very affordable, he would be able to continue working full-time, and his employer even offers tuition reimbursement.

He still hasn't taken any action on it, though. He admits that he feels anxious and worries about letting me down. I have very little doubt that he would be successful, but I don't want to push him into it before he is emotionally ready. On the other hand, he tends to take a long time to get moving on things even when he wants to do them. This isn't a deal breaker for me, but I think some higher education would be good for Boy both economically and intellectually, and I find it hard to accept that manual labor and video games are his self-actualization. He says he wants more, but doesn't seem to have a clear plan or feel any urgency about making it happen.

Can you identify with him? Did you move on, and if so, what made it happen? Should I push, encourage, chill out and back off? Should I just accept that this is him? What would your advice be to him? To me?

Make me a better student with lower blood pressure

Chrysalis — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 22:04:28 -0800

Help me handle/reduce assignment stress while doing uni by correspondence. I finished school 8 years ago, and am now attempting university studies by correspondence. Studying, writing essays etc is a whole new world for me, and while I am very disciplined with other areas of my life, it's been very easy to just pretend university doesn't exist when I don't feel like it. Except now, I have 3 assignments due in 4 days. This is my second round of assignments, the same thing happened with the first round, and while I promised myself I'd do things differently this time, I actually tried doing them earlier but found it really hard to "get started" - I sat in front of my computer for 5 hours last Saturday and only wrote a paragraph so I got frustrated and avoided it for the rest of the week. I know I work best under pressure and last time I ended up with really good marks, but I also don't want to spend the next 4 days feeling incredibly stressed out and horrible and procrastinating etc cos at the end of the day I know that I have to do the assignments and I can only do what I can do. I am incredibly tempted to just go out and pretend this isn't happening - instead I keep looking for anything to distract me to justify not dealing with it.

So my question is fourfold:
1) What can I do to retrain myself to have better study habits going forward?
2) What do you do when you feel mentally blocked when you're trying to write an essay?
3) How do you motivate yourself to learn when you're disinterested by the topic?
3) What do you tell yourself when you get so stressed out that you start trying to avoid the thing that's stressing you out? (which of course makes it worse) <---- this is the biggest issue for me right now

Help me help myself! (okay, now back to this essay...)

Food is nutrition, not entertainment

arniec — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 11:03:34 -0800

How can I change my mindset to think of food as sustinance and not food as entertainment/reward? I've searched and was shocked to not see this question come up before, but if I missed it, links?)

I am turning 35 in a hair over a month, and I'm trying to get my life in order. A big part of this for me is losing weight and getting fit. However I have a mindset that is ingrained from the past 34 years that I need a way to get around.

I am quite the foodie. I've traveled across the US and some other countries and love to try the culinary delights there. To me, food is entertainment. When traveling, the food is part of the tourism, and when home food is part of the entertainment. Special occasion in the family? Eat out! Going to a movie? More fun with popcorn!

Worse is after a hard day at work (long hours, stressful work environment) my wife and I turn to "comfort food". This is not emotional eating, it's just that after a hard day we can relax a bit better with a pitcher of margaritas and some hot wings (for example). The enjoyable eating experience is a good amount of the enjoyment, and the relief of not having to cook and do dishes, two more chores at the end of a long, hard day, are rewards to ourselves. Instant gratification is the downfall of many an American...including us.

So yes, like dogs, we are food motivated. But to achieve our fitness goals, we need to stop thinking in those terms. How can we do that?

(And hint: as part of "getting my life in order" I'm also cutting back a lot of spending in order to pay off credit cards, so the option to replace the food reward with some monetary reward won't work).

What's in it for me?

jasondigitized — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 08:54:23 -0800

How do I get coworkers to spend quality time with me? I am starting a new gig as a business analyst, and will be trying to convince strangers that they should meet with me to tell me about their jobs, needs, and requirements. After that I have to also get them to review the documentation I will create. What tactics have / would you use to get quality results from people who are busy and don't know you from Adam?

What goes where?

philad — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 14:35:25 -0800

What are some methods for compartmentalizing my life? Is it GTD / Covey or something else? It feels odd to try and shove things into compartments but it seems necessary otherwise I end up kind of drifting until something urgent comes up. Are there any unique solutions out there?

Lean and Mean

freddymetz — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 11:26:20 -0800

Help a skinny guy shape up! more after the jump! some facts:

i do some sports, used to jog almost every day (although in the past few weeks ive slacked off)

I eat a lot, but i dont eat healthily (i.e. no fruit and veg)
A typical week would see me eating meat pretty much every day with pasta or potatoes. Fast food (mcdonalds/burger king) is also consumed at least once a week . I drink a lot of unhealthy sugary drinks and fruit juices. Greasy meatloaf or full english for breakfast (ocasionally) .

I need a goal and results. Im pretty lazy, and slack off if i dont see results, but can get very motivated if it's a foolproof plan and i see results after a while.

Right now i want to put on some weight, yes also fat, because i look pretty skinny. I dont know if that's advisable, or if i should just look at starting with a tabula rasa and gaining muscle mass (which would probably be more difficult).

I have mild scoliosis, which affects my posture a bit and makes me slouch. I try to work actively against slouching by pushing my upper chest forward and my stomach in. is that the correct thing to do? I think gaining weight, especially muscle, would help my posture too, right?

I have a fast metabolism, i think, so what should i do guys?

Going back to school at 29

mokeydraws — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 11:05:41 -0800

Teach me how to study, please? I am 29 and going back to school to complete my BA. I haven't been to school in around 4 years. I don't think I have ever studied for anything. I started college straight out of high school back in 1998! Goddamn it. Ok. So it has been bothering me for a while that I never finished and I finally got my shit together in line with all of the deadlines and am registered for 2 courses in the fall. Going over my school history made me realize that I am generally lacking in the motivation area and have never really studied or prepared for a course or exam or paper. I passed a bunch if I liked them, failed if I didn't like them.

I do want to get a higher level degree and move away from these administrative jobs which is a special kind of hell for me. How do I get there. I am a complete failure in the science and math areas. I tend to do better in the reading/writing specific classes but when it comes to writing papers and studying for exams I get stuck. Procrastination is a major problem as well. I'm in a loser/slacker zone.

How do you get motivated, stay motivated, and study. Especially when you are 29 and this is all new for you??

Help me find graphic details of health problems for overweight people

Gobo — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 05:53:13 -0800

To keep myself motivated to loose the extra pounds, I'm looking for links to videos (or image heavy articles) about health problems caused, or made worse, by being being overweight/obese. Much like some of the anti drink-drive commercials, I want to get myself thinking "look how bad it could be if you don't sore yourself out". So the more graphic/detailed the better. I'm guessing that video will have a stronger emotional impact on me, but articles with a lot of images should be good as well.

How to stay motivate in tough times?

Anonymous — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 15:00:00 -0800

How do you stay motivated when you're living in the ghetto and broke, and how do you get an edge against the competition (for grad school/job applications) when you have such a lowly background? Recently I've moved back to the neighborhood I grew up in -- in South Central Los Angeles. Since I've had a rough childhood, I've tried my best to break out of this area and I did for a while -- I went to college and ended up graduating from one of the better University of California schools.

However, as a result of a lot of bad advice, my time spent in college was not very fruitful. I was raised to think that getting a college degree alone would be enough to guarantee a job, and I also believed all of those counselors who told me to "major in whatever you're interested". As a result, I got good (not great) grades in a major that should have been more of a hobby/interest (and has very little value in the real world), no significant work experience, no internships, and a very small network established.

(This link to an interview, "Class Matters", lightly touches upon my feelings about my college experience, especially the third question).

While living away from home, working for a year in a so-so dead-end job, I ended up discovering a certain somewhat obscure career field while I was looking for a new direction in life. This career field seems to be a perfect match for my personality and interests, and makes decent money too. However because my major is unrelated to that particular field, I decided to focus on studying to get the necessary prerequisites to get into a graduate school in that field. To make the time for that, I had to leave my job and return home. (Since I can't afford a car and there are no good schools in the ghetto, I have to take online classes.)

However, I've immediately found myself hating returning home. Since I have no income and receive no unemployment checks, I live on about $60 of monthly allowance from my single mom. On top of that I've never had a good relationship with my family. We live in a low-income government apartment complex and I routinely hear neighbors yelling and what sounds like them beating their children. I've gotten in touch with some old friends from this neighborhood too, but most of them have lives that are going nowhere (many unemployed people who have addictions, for example: video games, winning the lotto, drinking, doing drugs, etc.). Physically, I can feel my health worsening because there is only junk food available around here.

For the first few months my motivation was enough to fuel me through this environment. But eventually it's just been too draining to stay focused. I just have too many negative influences around here and none positive. I've found myself being not the optimistic, upbeat, hard-working person I was away from home, but now becoming increasingly bitter, pessimistic, angry, lazy, etc. I find myself obsessing about how tough my past was and how nobody cares, fantasizing about how things could have been different, and then coming to the realization that I have to stay focused and move on. (I know the standard MetaFilter response to something like this is to find a shrink to help with this, but I have no health insurance.)

I've also been looking for part-time work to improve my living situation (though avoiding minimum-wage stuff) or looking for an internship related to the field I want to get into to increase my chances for graduate school. I've leaned towards going for the internship because getting into graduate school is my ultimate goal. However since it isn't a well known field it is hard to find relevant entry-level internships.

And even when I do apply for a job or internship (even unpaid), it seems I just don't have the background/experience that people look for. (Meaning, I haven't gotten any replies yet). It's particularly discouraging encountering class discrimination when I look through job or internship ads too -- most of these jobs/internships I'm looking at are in west LA (because there aren't many good jobs around here) and it's common to see job descriptions that require applicants to have a vehicle (even if the job has nothing to do with driving around).

It is becoming increasingly tempting to lie about things on my applications now (I'm even considering it for my school applications). I've always tried to be an honest, virtuous person, but it just feels like it's becoming a handicap now. It's just too hard to compete with people who have had better opportunities and influences in their lives. I don't think anybody would seriously take "a tough, poor background" as a legitimate reason for not having enough credentials, experience, whatever.

So now the questions:
- What can I do to stay motivated in such a negative environment and a particularly tough time?
- How can I find any positive influences -- any mentors or people in similar situations -- in this area? (It's hard for me to meet people outside of this area because I have no car.)
- What can I do to improve my chances of getting a job or internship without resorting to being dishonest in my applications?
- How do you feel about the ethical dilemma of being dishonest on applications in a situation like mine?
- Any other suggestions on what can help?

Since this is anonymous, you can email me questions at anonymous.metafite AT gmail DOT com.

I need challenge and pressure to stay motivated... how do I stay motivated during times when those things aren't present?

twiggy — Wed, 27 May 2009 08:49:55 -0800

I have a very hard time keeping motivated and being productive when work is slow. If I am not either feeling pressure or being challenged, I get sloppy and underperform. Is this normal? What can I do to fix it? My current job at a very, very small company has been a bit slow due to the economy causing us to restructure a bit (layoffs, job role shifts, etc). I like this job and I love the people I work with, but I have noticed (as i've seen in past jobs) that when things are slow, or I am not being challenged, I tend to lose focus and underperform.

Generally, I'm a pretty intelligent guy, and more than willing to put in long hours and hard work when the job calls for it... I've been here 'til 3am and not complained about it...

I've had focus issues for a long time - leading me to audiobooks because when I read a regular book I'll often "wake up" and realize I haven't really taken in the last page or two, etc... However, back in college (10 years ago now?) I did seek help to see if maybe I had "Adult ADD" and the screener said I did not. Maybe a second opinion is in order, but that just seems like an easy "scapegoat," really.

Am I a rarity, or is this pretty normal? What can I do, besides giving myself pep talks or whatever, to make sure I stay motivated and on top of things?

How do I stop worrying about things I don't need to worry about?

the_dude — Sat, 02 May 2009 10:35:41 -0800

GTDFilter: I need help managing my time but it's something different. Not necessarily time for doing things but thinking about them. Basically, I cannot cope with multiple responsibilities effectively; even small things end up taking hours. My problem is this: I'm a fairly active student at a fairly demanding college. With classes and extracurricular activities, I have tons of responsibilities, and to be brutally honest, I'm doing OK in most of them.

My problem is this: if I know that I will have to do something due that day or that week, that single responsibility prevents me from having any sort of enjoyment in anything else. You'd say that I should just get that thing done and go on with my life but sometimes, I cannot technically start doing that work (like I have to wait on someone else do something first as it happens a lot in group projects).

This may not seem that bad but it's really annoying at times. To give you an example: I had a 6 page paper due this friday. Really, I could have pulled that off in 2 hours or less. However, I had to wait until Thursday night to get a confirmation from the teacher about the outline.

However, starting from wednesday, I just was thinking about it all the time. It just keeps my mind off other things; like personal projects that I want to work on or going out with friends.

I don't know if this is making any sense but I feel like my problem is with just compartmentalizing things mentally. I do not have trouble prioritizing or getting things done in the sense of time management. And I do not feel like I'm overwhelmed for that reason; I know there's enough time. But maybe I'm wrong and that's why I need some perspective on this.

Can I change my motivation schedule?

Metroid Baby — Fri, 01 May 2009 14:04:18 -0800

I regularly get bursts of creative energy and motivation to work on personal projects right smack dab in the middle of the workday, when I can't do a thing about them. But when I've got free time, I don't feel like doing anything. How can I better synchronize my motivation with my free time? It happens on a weekly if not daily basis: I'll be about an hour or two into my workday, and I just start to think "wow, I would love to be home cleaning the house" or "ooh, I remember that idea I had for a project; I want to start working on it right now!" And, of course, I have to do my actual work instead. The same thing sometimes happens when I'm on my way to the gym or in the middle of a run.

However, at the end of the day, or on the weekend, I don't get that rush of motivation. I never want to clean the house when I have time, and my great ideas just don't sound that interesting. I have plenty of time to do things, but I'd rather just veg out.

I suppose my great ideas during the workday are a form of procrastination: it's the time of day when I'm most awake and alert by necessity, but my mind will sometimes drift to other things that sound more interesting at the task at hand. (I do like my job a lot and can usually focus quite well; for the purposes of this question assume that I cannot/will not change my job or work schedule, or work on personal projects during work hours.)

I know action precedes motivation most of the time, and I have a feeling that the answer might just be to force myself off the couch and go do something even when I don't feel like it. But when I do that, it's not always very effective. Also, I love the feeling I get when I'm able to actually put my creative energy to good use, and I'd like to experience that more.

If there are any tricks you've used successfully, I'd love to hear them. Thank you!

How Can NASA Encourage NASA Employees to Innovate?

choragus — Sun, 26 Apr 2009 06:30:58 -0800

How Might the Personal Pet Projects of NASA Employees Provide Fuel For Innovation at NASA? The employees of Genentech, 3M and Google, along with other private sector companies, are encouraged to use up to 20% of their regular work week on personal pet projects to create innovative products.

As a result of a recent recommendation, the NASA Senior leadership directed its Agency Office of Human Capital Management and Center Human Capital community to begin researching similar models for NASA employees...unclear if this includes the Agency's contracted employees, too.

How might NASA achieve a goal that enables its employees to devote 20% their time toward innovative pet projects with taxpayer-funding throughout its workforce of educators, procurement and contracts, operations, legal, human resources, information technology, legal, financial, scientists and engineers?

Is this the right question?

How do I start to enjoy reading again?

torietorie — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 07:29:41 -0800

How do I start to enjoy reading again? Books and news just aren't fun anymore... I've got this problem where if I feel like I have to read something, or that I should read something, it becomes completely uninteresting to me. More than that - it becomes a hated chore, something that I'll do almost anything to avoid. Even if I can get past that avoidance, I certainly won't enjoy it when I'm reading it.

It didn't always used to be this way! I used to read novels, used to read essays, anything that wasn't required reading! But now, in my semi-adulthood, where everything seems required, even novels have turned into a burden.

Has anyone else experienced this? What are some tips for getting over it? I just want to be able to read the news and op-eds and books and actually enjoy them for once. I've got friends who can just suck up news and stories and articles for the joy of it... and I'd love to learn to be like that.

Let me know!

The interweb killed my attention span.

pseudostrabismus — Sat, 28 Feb 2009 18:41:51 -0800

I have the attention span of a gnat. I find it incredibly difficult to get any meaningful work done. I seriously cannot even get up from writing simply to change a CD without being distracted by something shiny and then falling into a two-hour timewarp and then I look up and it's 5pm and instead of working I'm brushing my cat and I still haven't even changed the damn CD, and nothing gets done.

I think my attention span fell apart for three reasons:

1. I went freelance and now have less external structure to keep me productive.

2. I got a laptop and now spend about 6 hours a day online, sometimes working, but more often clicking around the internet. The ability to keep switching my focus by clicking to a new page seems to have trained me to change mental channels constantly, and drastically shortened my tolerance for boredom. I read an assload of stuff online, and can easily get focussed on something interesting, but if it's boring... NEXT.

3. The work I do now is much harder than the old work.
I did okay when a prof or boss would give me an assignment and a deadline. I could just cough something up, revise it, and get it in on time and reasonably well-done, without caring too much. All my writing was a re-explanation of something I already knew or had just researched, no problem- there's pretty much a "right answer" for that kind of work, and the job is just to write the right answer with some finesse. That I can still do.

But now I'm trying to shift my work, so that I mostly write fictional things that I have to generate myself. There are so many possibilities, none are right or wrong, and just considering the ideas daunts me, let alone writing iterations of those choices. And I really want my writing to be perfect, so the easiest way to do that, obviously, is to procrastinate. There's no deadline, no accountability, and the work itself isn't fun. Sure, the reward of "having written something" is great, but the process of "writing something" kicks my ass.

This is the real problem, I think; how to kill the brain-imps who would rather I have a sparkling clean apartment and an unwritten screenplay forever?

I've read articles on many major productivity websites and the GTD book. They didn't really help. I would rather not go on prescription stimulants (even though I probably do have ADD). I have no substance abuse problems and I'm in excellent health.

So far, the best I can do is earplugs + coffee + a very granulated to-do list + a timer set for short increments of time (10 minutes) to keep me on-track in bite-sized amounts. Those work OK, but there must be more good tricks where they came from.

So hive, what do you do? How do you motivate yourself to work on rewarding long-term projects that are boring in the short-term? How do you avoid the sugar-high that is MeFi and the rest of the web, and focus on the insoluble fibre that is your pet project? How did you train yourself to have discipline?

Thanks.