What's going on with my brain?

Anonymous — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 07:34:17 -0800

Is this depression, or is it something else? And what should I do to make it better? I don't feel sad or tired all the time. Just utterly, utterly unmotivated. My lack of motivation is messing with my life at home and at work. And I'm drinking, smoking dope and surfing the internet more than I probably should.

Six months ago, I was the happiest I'd ever been (this was me). I wanted more, I went for it, and things don't seem to be working out as well as I'd have liked. I think I'm sliding back toward depression, but I'm not sure if I'm actually there yet.

I'm exercising, I'm eating well, I'm in a good relationship, I'm paying off my debt. I started a new job, and it's got me back in in the city I was yearning for.

But I don't like my boss, and the job isn't what I'd hoped it would be. I'm a very career-focused woman, and I've been angling for this job for six years now. My disappointment with the job is pretty overwhelming, but I'm still dedicated to my career even if I don't like this particular employer. I feel stuck.

I have zero motivation at work. I'm smart and fast, which means I can get the minimum done fairly well in a short amount of time. But I probably spend six hours a day surfing the web and posting to various message boards from work, and two hours scraping by.

I have zero motivation at home, too. I'm leaving newspapers everywhere, dishes everywhere, bills, paperwork. The bathtub is a mess, the toilet is unscrubbed. There's moldy food in the fridge, and when I look at it I just groan and shut the door. I'm having trouble paying bills on time. I can't make myself do anything about it. I keep telling myself I'll take care of things next weekend, but then I never do.

I'm probably averaging 10-12 beers a week. Not as much as during my last depression, but enough that I get a buzz more than half the nights when I come home. I'm smoking pot 4-5 times a week. Again, not as much as I've smoked in the past, but I know it's all about escapism. Mixed with the drinking and my smallish frame it really zonks me out.

And I'm feeling overwhelmed by the stress of my recent move, my new job, my impending wedding, the death of a cat, and the loss of a friend/support network I had before I moved.

At work and at home, I feel like I'm sabotaging my future by slacking off so much.

I'm not sad, really, just weighed down, overwhelmed and unable to move.

I don't know what to do.

Advice?

Please don't tell me therapy. Unless you can recommend a genious miracle worker who takes Blue Cross in the Portland metro area, I don't want to hear it. My experiences with therapists have been universally disappointing.

Two Papers Due Simultaneously, No Extensions, and Utterly No Will to Work

Anonymous — Fri, 10 Dec 2004 15:53:43 -0800

I hate all forms of work (hence the anon. post) and the only way I've found to finish papers etc. is to stay up all day and night procrastinating until the last possible instance writing a bit here and there--an agonizing process--until, as the last chance deadline aproaches, something takes shape. These papers are usually final papers and usually earn me between a B+ and an -A... which is probably why I never learned how to do work in a painless and organized fashion... at any rate, I have two papers due on the same day and no chance of an extension on either one and am incapable of forcing myself to work. WHAT DO I DO?

Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with motivate

What's going on with my brain?

Two Papers Due Simultaneously, No Extensions, and Utterly No Will to Work