Ask MetaFilter posts tagged with morals

[ethicsfilter] two of my friends are getting it on. one of them has herpes. should I tell the other?

krautland — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 20:34:54 -0800

[ethicsfilter] two of my friends are getting it on. one of them has herpes. should I tell the other? two of my friends, one very close and the other a little more than an acquaintance, are interested in each other. just to distinguish them I am going to call them 'acquaintance' and 'friend.' I happen to know the acquaintance has herpes.*

the friend keeps talking about the acquaintance and how flirtations are progressing. we are having more or less daily conversations about this and the friend is naturally excited. I am frequently asked for opinions, details and tips concerning acquaintance, if not outright help. I have reason to believe this is getting somewhere fast but don't wish to speculate about how serious they are.

I am conflicted about violating the privacy of acquaintance in order to be a friend to friend. were I friend, I'd hope my friend was watching out for me. were I acquaintance, I'd probably feel pretty violated were someone else to share such information without my consent.**

the acquaintance does not know I am aware of the romance or the extraordinary circumstances that concern me and my conversations with the friend lead me to believe that this issue has not been discussed. I do not think I am in a position to approach the acquaintance about this at all and suggesting otherwise is most likely not going to help me much.

the only two options I do see are either to tell the friend or keep quiet.***

which is the ethical option for me to take?

*I am not speculating but have no further details.
**this of course is assuming I'd know someone had talked but I'm sure you get my point.
***there may be a third option. suggest away as long as it does not force me to address the acquaintance about this.

Why am I so perverse?

Anonymous — Sun, 18 Nov 2007 10:40:06 -0800

Why do I purposefully choose to go ahead and do what I know is wrong and/or a Bad Idea? Recently I think I've finally put my finger on why it is that I constantly find myself in bad situations, such as hurting other people, endangering my own and other's health, and just in general acting like a major ass: I like making that bad decision. I have that little voice inside that tells me more or less when things are right or wrong, and after listening well, I then go ahead and choose "wrong."

To give you concrete examples: I frequently have one-night stands with people I don't really like, and who are often emotionally unstable, and/or who are already in relationships with other people. At times I haven't used protection. I've quit using drugs, but until recently, I would smoke that bowl before the test, or do that line and stay up till the wee hours despite that paper due the next day, or having to work the next morning. I'll take that last shot, the one I know is going to send me over the edge to where I'm hitting on friend's girlfriends, getting sick, and just in general making an ass of myself. After these sorts of incidents, the result is invariably feelings of guilt and shame, days of wondering if I'm actually just a "bad guy." I'm leaving a trail of broken relationships and disgusted ex-friends.

Again, it's not that I don't know what I'm doing. I can literally pinpoint when I'm thinking to myself "this is a Bad Idea," and feel the perverse sense of resolve which says "good."

As I said, I've been off drugs for a while now, and furthermore I've been seeing a therapist and taking anti-depressants for even longer. I've discussed this with my doctor, but I haven't gotten anything that's really hit home. I'm hoping that the hive mind might be able to shed some light on why I enjoy being the bad guy, and how I can stop. I'm tired of hurting myself and others, and being unable to get close to people due to my self-sabotage.

Other misc. info: I'm a straight male university student soon to graduate with a good GPA, I'm not from a broken home, and I haven't suffered any sexual abuse (aside from some minor creepy stuff when I was very young, which I barely remember).

Any and all responses appreciated, questions/personal comments can be directed to selfdestructionjunction@gmail.com

Backup girlfriend/boyfriend ok?

Anonymous — Sat, 27 Oct 2007 10:48:18 -0800

Is it moral to have a backup girlfriend or boyfriend and telling that backup of your plan? A friend an I got in an argument over this and I was wondering if I was in the wrong. I said that if you are in a relationship, having a backup girlfriend or boyfriend was "maybe" ok if you don't tell anyone about it, but once you tell that backup of your plan you are being very wrong and causing a great disservice to your current girlfriend/boyfriend. Would it make a difference if the current relationship is one that is in a stage that both partners say "I love you" to each other?

Lawful Evil Movie Scenes?

middleclasstool — Sat, 22 Sep 2007 14:21:22 -0800

Video clips that demonstrate the difference between rules and morals/ethics? A friend of mine is teaching a lecture soon on the difference between rules and ethics, specifically underscoring situations in which one can follow the rules perfectly and yet still be engaged in unethical behavior.

For illustration/class dissection, he wants suggestions for film clips that he can show, so I thought I'd pick your brain. Obvious examples are those who turned over Jews to the Nazis or named names to HUAC in the '50s, but rather than whole films or genres, he's looking for specific scenes that will make for good illustration and discussion. Ideas?

An old friend with a SO is putting the moves on...

Anonymous — Sun, 05 Aug 2007 07:44:04 -0800

An old friend has recently started putting the moves on me. Although I'm both attracted and available, I've been dodging because they're living with a SO of several years and enabling their cheating seems wrong. I've been considering this situation for a little while, and being rather green regarding relationships I'd like to bounce it off a few people. However, this is a mutual friend and I'd also like to avoid word reaching their SO, so here I am asking mefi.

Is this a typical way of transitioning between relationships? Is it socially acceptable? From my position do you think it falls foul of the simple "golden rule" / "harm none" moral philosophy?

Stand Upright Young Man

kaizen — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 10:00:43 -0800

How can I strengthen my integrity and virtue? As I have become older, I feel that I am not as virtuous as I would like to be. I am moving into leadership roles at work, and also into parenthood soon, and I feel it in important to exercise my moral muscles. Is my upbringing going to dictate how virtuous I am as an adult, or are there things I can do to stand more upright in character?

Touchy Writing Problem

snsranch — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 21:07:27 -0800

Writers and journalists please respond: I'm concerned about the anonymity of a subject in my writing. The obvious idea is to change names, however... The subject was a terrorist in the early 1980's. We were pretty close friends and often worked together in Southern Europe.

I don't want to "out" him/her, but I think what I have to write might shed some light on what is now the common perception of terrorism.

Is it OK to just change names?

What obligation do I have to the subject?

There is no way of contacting the subject, I've tried.

Any ideas or personal anecdotes are greatly appreciated.

Gun ownership/manufacture in a philosophical sense?

owl — Thu, 02 Nov 2006 12:31:26 -0800

Gun ownership/manufacture in a philosophical sense? It seems that pro-gun groups are much louder than anti-gun groups. As such, it is difficult to find anything that creates an arguable philosophical stance against guns.

I'm looking for something that addresses guns objectively, in the same way that a book might objectively address whether it's right or wrong to eat meat.

What are the moral issues concerning owning and manufacturing guns? Where can I find a non-partisan, objective, philosophical resource (not a pro or anti resource) like in a college textbook?

Are there any legitimate philosophical arguments that deal with the morality of gun ownership and manufacture?

Please: Do not include politics and or opinions.

Til Death Do Us Part..maybe...

CwgrlUp — Sat, 16 Sep 2006 15:25:54 -0800

Why are people today so lacking in morals? I have a good friend at work who I think a lot of. Last week I overheard her (we sit pretty close and she talks fairly loudly so I hear more usually than I want to) talking to her mother about lying to her husband about her whereabouts on a Friday night. Later she told me the story, she is going out with friends her hubby doesn't like and she plans to tell him she's at her mother's.

Since this has happened I hear her on the phone all the time with these girl friends obviously that her husband doesn't like, laughing about how she was 'good' for a while, but now she just feels like being 'bad.'

I feel different towards her. I thought I knew her fairly well. Now I have trouble even meeting eyes with her. I know her husband. He's an alright guy. Am I being too judgmental? Should I just ignore it all? Is this kind of deception (white lies?) truly that common between spouses?

Help Sophie Make a Choice

grumblebee — Fri, 02 Jun 2006 10:06:01 -0800

You're a single mother, with no living relatives except your twin daughters, who are both dying of kidney failure. You have one kidney to donate. Is there a moral/ethical philosophy that deals with such rock/hard place dilemmas? Maybe you can point out a loophole -- the mother could give both her kidneys, sacrificing herself to save the two kids. But work with me here, okay? (The mother only has one healthy kidney.) My point isn't about this specific dilemma -- it's about making choices in which, whatever you do, someone gets deeply hurt.

Another -- less plausible -- scenario: a madman holds your family at gunpoint and says he's going to shoot one of your kids in two minutes. He wants you to choose which one, and if you don't make a choice before the time is up, he'll shoot them both.

Or, more pedestrian: you're a middle manager who has been ordered to fire one of two people, both of whom have equal merit.

Sometimes the "someone has to lose" scenario is due to the complexity of a system. It may be that preventing environmental harm means forcing a company to buy expensive, eco-friendly equipment, which may hurt their bottom line, forcing them to fire workers.

Most moralizing I've heard assumes there's a correct answer -- or at least a lesser of two evils. But this dodges much of real life. The "wisdom" I have heard usually boils down to "we live in an imperfect world", which just describes the problem.

When there is no good choice -- yet one has to make a choice -- an option is to use randomness. But there's something so cold (though fair, I guess) about flipping a coin to see which daughter gets the kidney. It would feel, to me, like I was dodging the humanity of the situation. Truthfully, these situations are so horrible that the common way to deal with them seems to be denial. This could involve oversimplifying a complex problem (at least we're not hurting the environment) or justifying a random action (I looked into Lizzie's eyes and could tell she accepted her fate...).

One of the reasons I so hate politics is that it almost always involves this sort of denial. Almost any complex political decision is going to hurt someone, and (probably because admitting this would mean losing votes) the decision makers almost never deal with this dead on. ("We're going to stop the company from making massive lay-offs. Unfortunately, this WILL impact the environment...")

What have "the wise men" said about grappling with such dilemmas?

What happens when young dreams grow old?

twirlypen — Wed, 10 May 2006 02:16:25 -0800

How have your life lessons/philosophies/epiphanies etc changed over the course of your life so far? What has changed now? What don't you believe in now that you did ten years ago? And vice versa. I'm trying to get an idea for how things you believe in when you're, say, 21 (as I happen to be), change over the course of your life. I'm sure I wont always have the same perspective on things as I do now, and I'm interested in how other people, as they've grown older, have changed in their mindset and outlook and all that.

For example; 'when I was 21, I thought I'd be in love forever and be a movie star, now I'm 42 and I'm happy but love doesn't last and dreams only exist to get you through the days'... or, you know, whatever.

How to get my wisdom score to 18?

salvia — Fri, 10 Mar 2006 13:26:21 -0800

How to become more wise? How do you grow morally, ethically, and spiritually? As you go along your life trying to become a better person, what speeds you on your way? What helps you move along the path toward being the person you want to be? What helps you discover personal blind spots or places you're "stuck"?

Do you have basic principles that are your key guides, that themselves help you become wiser? Certain activities or practices you do to develop these characteristics? Particular experiences that have taken you to another level?

Why should I shop for groceries at a co-op?

monsterhero — Thu, 07 Jul 2005 23:26:39 -0800

Why should one shop for groceries at a co-op that sells local and organic foods, especially since it's more expensive? I'm trying to get a fairly staunch Republican relative, set in his coupon-cutting,, big-box PriceChopper ways, to shop at a local cooperative, but can't come up with a very elegant argument.

Morals vs Ethics

cillit bang — Thu, 09 Jun 2005 12:01:10 -0800

What's the difference between morals and ethics anyway? Anybody? The wikipedia articles on each give an answer that doesn't really fit with common usage of the two words, and certainly not with the way the question is framed in Election.

Tracy?

Question number 11548

Wet Spot — Sat, 06 Nov 2004 10:50:42 -0800

Ethical question. The junk food vending machine in my department occasionally gets into a mode where the food is dispensed, but the money drops into the coin return bin. If you put in more than the required amount it will also give change, in addition to the food and original coins.

My question is, am I obligated to inform my colleagues?