Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with moms

It's all about YOU.

Seppaku — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 17:52:31 -0800

2 weeks out from my wedding, and future mother-in-law is creating drama about future father-in-law's partner, who is roundly despised by all involved. I'm a bride 2 weeks out from my wedding, which is happening on the opposite coast. As one might expect, I have plenty of little details to take care of before flying out in a little more than a week.

FMIL is awesome and I love her. FMIL and FFIL's marriage was broken up by an evil, life-draining harpy (ELDH), who was FMIL's friend at one point. FFIL realizes he made a mistake, and has never married the ELDH.

ELDH is a real bitch. She's passive aggressive when sober, openly aggressive when not. Out of courtesy to FFIL, she is invited to the wedding. I plan to ignore her. FMIL's stated plan was to ignore her. ELDH is not going to ruin my wedding. However, now it seems like FMIL is going to let her relationship with ELDH create awkwardness.

FMIL and FFIL, respectively, are arranging / paying for the rehearsal dinner, a 40-person catered affair in the yard of our rental house. I had planned the seating arrangements so that bride, groom, moms, dads, partners, sibling would be sitting together at a table. The rehearsal dinner, in my mind, is an icebreaking affair where the important people in the lives of the bride and groom are able to mingle. Our parents have not all met prior to the wedding.

This is what I received from FMIL on the subject:

I don't wish to put a wrench in your plans, however, I was unaware you were having a seating plan for the pre-wedding dinner. I am hosting this party and won't be sitting with ELDH. I thought I made myself clear about our experience after baby N's birth. I don't bend in this direction anymore. I would prefer to sit with my sisters, my son N & family and K's family.

I will not be sitting with ELDH. If you go back in the emails,you will find my clear and present statement on this subject. ELDH can sit at "table #1 "- I won't be there. Everyone is used to me just sucking it up , sorry if it rocks the boat. I have spent too many years trying to not cause a problem for my children , now they are old enough to to realize that sometimes what they ask is too much.

This not only screws my plans for seating, meaning I'll have to spend time juggling everyone so that she can sit where she wants, but it screws me and FH into sitting with the Evil Life Draining Harpy. Without the buffer of FMIL, her partner, her son and his wife. Talk about a bad time!

Not only that, but this makes me think that the WHOLE WEEKEND is going to be awkward because of how FMIL dramatizes her relationship with ELDH.

I don't have time to worry about this, and she needs to get over herself. Or she doesn't, but then she's going to create unnecessary drama at her son's wedding. But how to tell her this? Right now, I'm thinking twice and saying nothing. But the wedding is in 2 weeks!

How do I handle my FMIL? Her anxiety and drama are really whipping me up into a frenzy.

How do I handle the ELDH? She is guaranteed to drink too much and say something rude. Can't I just un-invite her?

Need name for sale section

little_c — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 06:42:10 -0800

My sister needs help naming a section of her bi-annual kids' consignment sale, and I'm not good with this advertising stuff. Here's her question:
--
So at the sale this time we are starting a "women's" section:
It's supposed to be "new" or "like-new" items in these 3 categories:

1. Women's accessories - purses, scarves, sunglasses, misc ??? Basically everything but clothing.

2. Crafts - again "new" or like-new only - pretty much unused, unopened.

3. Small home decor - no upholstered items, no couches, etc. Just
lamps, small end tables, artwork, knick knacks etc.

--
Mommy Mart is out... other things we've come up with are Ladies' Lounge or Ladies' Lair but those don't sound right! Other ideas are The Stork Lady - For Grown Ups... etc.

So..any ideas? What would be a good name for this section of her sale? All I could come up with was "Just for You" (told you I was no good at this). Thanks!

WTF, Mom?

Anonymous — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 08:57:50 -0800

Mom managed to make me feel like crap (again) during a family holiday. Do I confront now, confront later, or just let it go? While doing a craft project with my nephews, mom made yet another snarky comment about "putting my art school education to use" that she "paid $20,000 dollars" for. I've heard all this before, but she threw in a new twist this time, about how I "called home crying and wanted to come home" after 2 years. Um, no. The school was in danger of losing its accreditation and I was making what I thought was a smart decision at the time. I transferred to a (cheaper!) state school and finished my degree.

This was all nearly 15 years ago.

Meanwhile, I have a house and a husband and a job. Maybe not in my chosen field, but I know very few people who do. I even have savings, which is totally unheard of in my peer group.

I was a gifted "golden child" early in life, but I've been working very hard since then to get over feeling like a failure. Bitterness over not succeeding in the career of my choice led to a period of alcohol abuse that almost destroyed my marriage. (Mom doesn't know this.) I still have an almost paralyzing fear of failure, but I'm working on it and mostly doing OK. My husband is amazingly supportive. I know that the 17 and 18-year old me made the best decisions I could at the time.

I just keep replaying the incident in my mind. Every time she does this I tell myself that next time I'll say something, but this time my nephews were there, and I didn't want to start a scene. I told my side of the story (again) and then tried to pretend it didn't happen. The rest of the weekend went fine, and we hugged goodbye like always.

She lives about 3 hours away, in another state. I don't think I'll be able to talk about this to her without crying which is going to start a whole emotional meltdown for both of us. Do I try to deal with this over the phone? Wait for our next face-to-face visit? Write a letter or email? Or just let it go?

Throwaway email is momquestion@hotmail.com.

Novels about women and their crazy moms?

It ain't over yet — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 10:53:47 -0800

Novels about women and their crazy moms? Hit me!

Why does Disney hate your mom?

dinty_moore — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 05:24:59 -0800

Why are there so few living and loving mothers in Disney films? I'm referring mostly to the animated films, but the trend carries over to a lesser extent to live action children's movies. Sure, there's the whole 'orphan on their own' trope in children's stories, but I can think of a number of single but caring fathers and very few moms that aren't dead or evil (I can come up with. . . three). Why is that? Does a strong maternal influence make you boring? Not having a mom makes it easier for you to have a wicked stepmother/fairy godmother? Lots of dead moms in Grimm's Fairy Tales, and the trend carried over? Walt had a weird complex?

moms rule

andywolf — Mon, 19 Mar 2007 20:36:06 -0800

my mother was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer. do any of you have ideas for little things i can do for her to remind her how awesome she is? girls especially. what are some of the best, most thoughtful things loved ones have done for you? it was out of left field to say the least, the consensus is she'll make it about a year, it's inoperable. i'm moving back across the country to spend as much time with her as i can. money, though it's not tight, is an issue. i need to be conservative on that since insurance may run out (god bless america). all i've got so far is an hour massage every other week.

How can I be nicer to mom?

CunningLinguist — Mon, 01 Aug 2005 18:17:15 -0800

Help me be nicer to my mother. I love her dearly, but my mother drives me crazy. As she gets older, she gets more and more fussy, more negative about everything, more cheap and more flustered by normal every day life. I know perfectly well this is about getting old, and that I should be as sweet and tolerant and soothing as I can, but no matter what oaths I swear that this time I'll be a good daughter, whenever I see her, I'm appalled to find myself snapping at her and rolling my eyes and acting like a complete douchebag. I know it's probably rooted in fear at the thought of her aging and changing, but even that knowledge doesn't save me. Have any of you come up with strategies or mantras or anydamnthing to deal with this kind of thing?