Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with mom

i am a terrible human being

seesom — Mon, 13 May 2013 10:01:08 -0800

Yesterday was mothers day. I sent her a card/flowers and called. I completely forgot about both of my grandmothers who are the most wonderful loving caring people. Argh, I feel terrible. what should i do? if you were them, what would you want? send a card and call? thanks.

Hoarders: Crazy cat lady edition!

jrobin276 — Mon, 25 Feb 2013 15:16:02 -0800

Mom is a hoarder; house is making her sick. Adult children worried about her and grossed out. What can we do or say to her that might help? Snowflakes inside... Tl;dr: What, if anything, can be done or said to reign this situation in? My mom started out normal, but as our parents' marriage deteriorted she quit cleaning. When my dad moved out she quit cooking, and sometime during my college years she became a full-on hoarder... complete with a couple cats and litter trays that are NEVER cleaned, etc. She watches Hoarders and gleefully exclaims "At least I'm not that bad! Yay!"... and she's right, but the margin is getting narrower and narrower. What she needs is a psychologist, but she IS a psychologist. She is also pretty broke (a blizzard unto itself).

I live overseas, and we're planning on having our first child next year. I can't imagine taking a small child there. I'm not super fussy - we like camping, hiking, gardening - we get muddy. My house does not look like Martha's; but there is also not dried up cat vomit/poop all over the floor, layers of dust and grime, mold, peeling paint, rising damp (the house is falling apart), etc.... not to mention that the hosue is literally filled with "stuff" - furniture stacked on furniture and covered with knick-knacks and trash; let no surface be uncluttered!

My brother lives a 5-hour drive away. My sister currently lives in the in-law unit attached to my mom's. She emailed me saying that this winter (they live in a very mild climate - so we're not talking snow or anything) mom's had one cold/flu episode after another, and each one drags on for weeks. I've noticed this in her emails to me as well. Mom says it's because she works with kids... but so does my sister. Of course, mom's in her early 60's and sister is in her mid-twenties. Mom could have some sort of undiagnosed medical issue compromising her immune system, or just be showing signs of getting older... but sis thinks it's the house.

Regardless, living in Gross House isn't helping her health, squicks her kids out, and is going to prevent her grandchildren being allowed at her house (I already won't stay there when I visit home, even when it's just me! I stay with an aunt!). To top it off, the house she's letting fall apart was built by our great grandfather (on Dad's side) = sad; and she intends to leave it to us = EW. My mom's side lives a long time - she could easily spend another 20-30 years mucking up that house, and leaving a bigger and bigger disaster behind. Besides, of course, watching a nice little old lady who's your mom live in squalor just sucks.

Any ideas how to reign this situation in? What works/doesn't work?

Recurring dream

thank you silence — Fri, 15 Feb 2013 03:07:19 -0800

I keep having the same dream over and over. Has anyone else had this? So it's 6am and I am laying in bed after what seems like my millionth dream about my mom, who passed away a little over a year ago. A few months after she died I would have basically the same dream every night for weeks--she was always alive in these dreams, and although I knew she was dead it was almost like she had been given some more time but I knew she'd have to "go back" soon. Sometimes she looked well, but most of the time she was frail like she was at the end. I figured these dreams were my subconscious way of dealing with her loss. I entered grief therapy shortly after and the dreams slowly faded.

Now over a year later they're back, and so frequent I can't even keep track. It feels like one a night for going on weeks now. The setting is usually my childhood home, and sometimes my mom talks to me in these dreams...tonight she said she was feeling better and was trying to regain her strength. A few weeks ago she told me she could see me from heaven.

I guess I don't know what my question really is...I don't mind the dreams but some part of me feels like there's something I need to address that I am missing completely. I also wonder if anyone else has had this experience. Thank you.

Good gift ideas for new moms?

Bwithh — Thu, 17 Jan 2013 17:47:01 -0800

What are some good Birthday gift ideas for new mothers.... ... that are NOT baby-focussed? (I'm sure my friend has plenty of new for-baby stuff recently already!)
Looking in the $20-$50 range....

hip/stylish is good
gadgety is good
foody is good
eco-friendly/new agey is also good!

it's her first kid, if that helps...

thanks for any ideas!

How to help a parent cope with the loss of a spouse?

entropicamericana — Fri, 23 Nov 2012 07:58:11 -0800

I lost my dear dad unexpectedly Sunday after a series of illnesses. My mom, luckily, is still with us. They were together 54 years and my mom was only 17 when they met. The most important thing to my dad was my mom's well-being and I feel it is now my duty to look after her to the best of my ability. I have no idea how to help her cope with the loss of my father. I want to be there for her as much as possible, but I don't want to smother her. Does anyone have any advice?

I could just kidnap her...

cabingirl — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 20:25:20 -0800

It's my mom's 75th birthday and I have a great gift planned. Help me figure out how to present it! My mom is turning 75 in December. My gift to her will be a trip anywhere in the world she wants to go. I am trying to think of a good way to present this gift to her.

My mom was a housewife and raised a bunch of kids throughout the 60s, 70s, and 80s. She was raised Catholic so she had the kind of life that was expected of her but she always has had a little independent streak. She got involved in politics and served on the town council, likes to write witty letters to the editor, and stuff like that.

I know that she like to travel but she doesn't do it much anymore because my dad refuses to fly and he also has pain in his legs so he doesn't like to walk around much. So, I had the idea to offer to take her on a trip, just the two of us.

The icing on the cake was when I talked to her on my birthday and she admitted that I lived the kind of life that she had always wanted to live (on my own terms, in her words). She doesn't talk like that normally, so it was very touching.

Gift-wise I did something similar for her 70th where I got her an introductory flight at a flight school, because she had always wanted to learn to fly. I think I just put the certificate in a box. I want to come up with a really great way to present this gift. I thought of printing out a fake ticket and putting in one of those ticket sleeves you get at the airport. Or maybe buy her a travel toiletry bag and put the ticket inside it.

For extra credit, Mom has a tradition of presenting intangible gifts (gift cards or things that haven't arrived yet) with a short poem. She spends alot of time writing these little poems. I could use some help with that.

Help me tell daughter Santa Claus truth

lynnie-the-pooh — Sun, 30 Sep 2012 23:39:06 -0800

Help me tell 8 year old the truth about Santa Last year, my 7 year old daughter asked me if Santa was real? I panicked and said yes. She said some kids at school said he isn't real but I said, "Well, where do those presents come from then? I believe in Santa."

The part of me that panicked and said that was the part that has been telling her about Santa since she was a toddler, and I always tell her that Mommy tells the truth, you can always trust Mommy, etc. So now, if I tell her otherwise, I don't know how she is going to believe that I tell the truth and she can trust me.

How can I word it so she can understand why I did it, and why I am coming clean now, but that all the rest of what I tell her is the truth. Trust is a big issue with her and I.

I know the third graders are going to say it again this year and I want to be ready.

So. Assuming we can't reanimate Rod Serling and invite him over.

Anonymous — Fri, 21 Sep 2012 08:50:53 -0800

What should I get my mom for her birthday? My mom's birthday is coming up in a few weeks, and for the first time in my life, I actually have some money (let's say no more than a hundred bucks) to spend on getting her something cool.

Complications: she's very busy and stressed, I live 1000+ miles away from her, she actively dislikes all the "obvious" things. She's also got breast cancer (diagnosed this summer super-mild form, needs radiation but not chemo) and is being extremely secretive about it. She's still working full time (teacher) while going back and forth to her doctor, so I know she's exhausted, but she won't tell anyone because she doesn't want any special treatment or sympathy.

Things I know she will NOT like:

-any sort of spa treatments or massage
-hiring a maid service (my dad takes care of all the housework anyway)
-"experience" things that would drain her time and energy
-gift cards of any kind
-motivational crap
-a party

Things she likes but does NOT need (i.e. adding more to the pile of unused stuff at this point will just stress her out more):

-relaxing bath products
-clothing
-kitchen accessories

Things I know that she DOES like, but I don't know how to frame a gift around it:

-sci fi/thriller stuff, even if it's campy (she LOVES MST3K, Twilight Zone, Hitchcock...)
-looking for deals online (she's an Amazon Prime junkie) even if she doesn't buy anything
-vegging in front of the computer (I don't know what she does aside from the shopping, but I know that when I was a kid she was obsessed with that Myst game, but then our computer crashed and her progress got lost and even though she brings it up all the time she's never gone back to it) She's not really computer literate, though.
-playing with her iPad (she's got a first generation or whatever you call it)
-her book club (we have very different tastes in books, and even so, she doesn't have time to read anything other than her club-assigned books)

Cliff's notes:
-busy
-stressed
-tired
-not into "girly" things
-likes geeky stuff
-doesn't have a whole lot of time to devote to learning something new

So...are any of you like that? Or know someone like that? What would you like for a birthday present?

Thanks!

Men: How was your mom awesome during your teen years?

SinAesthetic — Wed, 29 Aug 2012 11:28:04 -0800

Men: how was your mom awesome during your teenage years? For all the guys out there...those of you who look back on your teenage years and have an overall impression of having had a great relationship with your mom, tell me what particular qualities contributed to this--both her individual qualities and the unique quality of your way of relating to each other. What kind of things helped you stay close through the natural process of individuation and becoming a man? (I'd like to steer clear of the negative version of this, "my mom was so awful because ....."). I know that teenage years are difficult for both genders and that many problems are universal, but I'm particularly interested in the specific issues guys have, from the perspective of being an opposite-gendered parent. I'm looking for things beyond just the obvious generalities like having respect for you as a person, ability to set limits but also negotiate things on a situation by situation basis, appropriate boundaries, privacy, trust, etc. that I consider baseline level good mom-ness.

If it matters: No significant family drama/trauma, and still happily married to his father. Things are great, just interested in doing all I can to keep it that way.

Yes, I've read it: Michael Gurian's The Mind of Boys and The Wonder of Boys; Raising Cain: protecting the emotional life of boys, Real Boys, rescuing our sons from the myths of boyhood

How do I be a great SAHM for my baby?

crabintheocean — Wed, 01 Aug 2012 17:23:33 -0800

Can you give me your best tips, tricks, and general guidance for being a stay-at-home mom of an older baby? As of next week I will be caring for our 8 month old by myself full time, and I'm scared! Whem we decided to have a baby it was expressly part of our plan that I not stay home with him - we planned for my wife to be home while I worked, and sort of amazingly, we have both been at home since he was born. However, various factors mean that I'll be the one caring for him in the daytime for the foreseeable future while my wife works full time. This really is the only way to do it right now. In a few months I'll be in school two days a week and my mom will have him those days.

I love this kid like crazy, but I am a lazy person who does better with a lot of personal space, grown up conversation, and time to think. I get frustrated and overwhelmed more than I would like. I think i am also having some mild PPD which is making me anxious and quicker to feel hopeless, i am trying to exercise and eat well. Please trust me that meds or therapy are out for now. He is a super smart and physical 8 month old who is close to walking and gets bored and whiny easily. He is only happy in a stroller for about 25mins before he has to be carried, and he doesn't nap for long if someone (and their boob) doesn't stay by him.

We are currently at a relative's house that is very messy and not at all safe for him, and I can't turn my back for a second, but we're moving in the next couple of weeks - am I right to think that this wil be easier in a clean and tidy environment I can control? Please tell me about how you handle(d) this -especially practically. Talk to me like it's my induction at a new job. How do you manage to brush your teeth (seriously)? Where do you go? What do you do? How do you handle bad days? What do I need to know? What gadgets or equpment have saved your sanity? FYI, we are in a big city (London) with no car.

Thanks! I want to make this unexpected role as awesome for all of us as I can, and I think it's going to be the hardest thing I ever do .

Overwhelmed Mom Trying to Write a Dissertation.

white_magnolia — Wed, 01 Aug 2012 16:19:43 -0800

How can I write my dissertation as a mom of a young child with so much on my plate? How can I prioritize over the next year to GET IT DONE? I am a PhD candidate in the humanities. I love my topic, and I have a great supervisor. I am not teaching this year. I have nine months to write my dissertation before my defense date, which is set for May 2013. My daughter will be in school part-time in the fall, and I will have twenty hours a week in which to research and write my dissertation. My husband is incredibly supportive, but he works long hours, often getting home after 9:00. I find myself overwhelmed with childcare, cooking, cleaning, and laundry. How can I find the time I need to research and write and still do all the other things I have to do? When I explain my struggle to friends and family, they say just let everything else go completely, but the advice is not at all practical. I have to clean the house, cook the meals, do the laundry, run the errands, and take care of my daughter. I also need to find time to exercise and sleep. How can I free up time and energy to write? We can't afford childcare, and we don't have family close enough to help. Do I use prepared meals? Clean once a week? Not exercise? Stay up late at night to write until 12:00? Take Sunday off to spend time with family or write all weekend? I am looking for advice from those who have been there. What is it going to take?

What recipe is my mom trying to make?

french films about trains — Thu, 12 Jul 2012 18:51:26 -0800

Mountains of sugar and fruit in glass jars in the pantry: What the heck is my mother making? The recipe as far as I can decipher:

Ingredients:

1. Gallon-sized glass jar w/lid
2. Pounds of brown sugar
3. Assorted soft fruits

Stored in a dark pantry, checked and mixed daily.

What is this going to end up as? She said it isn't alcohol and as long as there's enough sugar it won't turn into vinegar... sooo... what on earth is she trying to make? Anyone have any idea? Is this being done correctly? I feel like there's going to be a giant messy explosion of diabetic proportions about to occur out of one of these jars. Anyone?

keep me away from this crazy

squirtle — Thu, 07 Jun 2012 10:52:52 -0800

My boyfriend's mother despises me and I feel the same towards her. She made some threats against me to my boyfriend that wass completely out of line. I want to be estranged from her, but my boyfriend doesn't want to. Help me navigate through this. She and I butted heads since the very beginning, but threatening to "beat me up" the next time she sees me is the last straw. I don't want to make nice wiith this woman but to keep her out of my life because in addition to making threats, she's been a constant source of arguments between my boyfriend and I. However, my boyfriend does not want to be estranged from her himself despite doing a wonderful job defending and sticking up to me to his folks. That is fine, but now I don't know how to navigate through this with just one of us being estrangged from his mother. To make this worse, he has to live with his parents for three more months so he will have to put up with her. How do I keep my cool and stop arguing with him about his mom?

Please help me keep grandma in L.A.

ohyouknow — Tue, 29 May 2012 16:05:01 -0800

My mother is 60, has 40k cash on hand, but she has no income. Can you help me brainstorm businesses that she could buy or launch for about 30K (so she can live on the remaining 10K)? My mom has spent the past 30 years or so as a real estate agent, but the market has not been kind to her. She happens to have a fairly decent amount of cash on hand leftover from the sale of her home, and I'm trying to help her come up with ideas for what she can do next in her life. This feels rather urgent because she estimates that she will only have 20K left by November, at which point she believes she will have to move to Israel where she has a better support system (in the form of siblings and gov't aid).

That would be really fucking awful because my first baby is due in November, and I really need her around for emotional support. And baby will need grandma because grandma's super awesome.

Okay, so here are her skills: great with people; fluent in English, Spanish, French & Hebrew; fantastic cook; she lives in Los Angeles and has a lot of very loyal friends (one of whom is letting her live in an extra home rent free); she is a few credits shy of a degree, but I think she'd make a terrific teacher.

However: she is 60 and her knee really aches sometimes, so I can't see her really able to do all the labor required for launching a catering business, for example. She is divorced so she doesn't have spousal support...

Anyway, this whole situation is making me feel like a shitty daughter for not having enough money to be able to take care of her. I figured the least I could do was come up with some ideas. And yet I'm stuck!

Are there franchises she could purchase with that much money? That's an idea my sister and I have started looking into, but it seems like the best ones (i.e. Subway) cost around 100K.

I've wondered where home is. It's when I was in Indianapolis when I was nine years old. Had a dog, a cat, a brother, a sister.

oflinkey — Sat, 26 May 2012 15:16:46 -0800

Inspired by this thread, from which I got Dan Mangan's Basket, and Chocolate Genius' My Mom. I'm composing a playlist as a mediation on my parents, and I wondered what other songs others thought of when they thought of Mom and Dad.

New mom food delivery with a delay factor.

bquarters — Sat, 05 May 2012 07:37:41 -0800

How long after having a baby would food delivery be appreciated? My friend is having a baby and I really want to bring over lasagnas, soups, or [your new mom suggestions inserted here]. I love making food, I love my friend, and I would love to have a summer "project". But, I don't get back to our mutual town until 6-8 weeks after baby appears.

I don't want my friend just to be humoring me. She is a high powered Dr., used to sleep deprivation and is extremely competent in all areas.

Would bringing her food (if she seemed to appreciate it after first attempt) after 2mths be weird? I don't have kids obviously. Would the 1.5-4mth zone still be a time when she might want/need help in this area?

comfort from a distance

Jason and Laszlo — Fri, 04 May 2012 14:25:22 -0800

My mom is having foot surgery and she won't be able to touch her foot to ground for 6 weeks. She lives alone and I live across the country. What can I mail to her or order for her that would make her life during recovery easy and comfy? ps- she does not like to cook

Would parents hire me?

trillian — Wed, 02 May 2012 11:39:11 -0800

I'm a mother (of a toddler) who works part time and is looking to make some extra money. I've considered babysitting jobs, but aside from raising my own son, I don't have much experience with kids aside from babysitting jobs I had when I was a teenager. No recent references. Could I get hired? By the way, I've seen this, but my situation is different because the OP in that case wasn't a mom. Also, I had infant/child CPR certification, but it's lapsed. I have a master's degree (not in anything child- or education-related) and live in a medium-sized city.

I have two friends with kids my son's age. Should I ask to babysit their kids for free to get some references I can use? Would that be weird for me to ask them?

To work full time or not...

trillian — Fri, 20 Apr 2012 14:22:13 -0800

I currently work 20 hrs./week at a local nonprofit in field "XYZ." My husband works full time (8-6, usually), and we have a 2-year-old son who goes to my parents' house while I'm at work (3 days a week). However, yesterday I was contacted about a full-time job that's very appealing, and I don't know whether to pursue it. I've been job-hunting for a while, on and off. Yesterday I got an email out of the blue from a well-known, national nonprofit (also in XYZ field) that I had applied to last December for a job that's now filled. The person who contacted me was actually hired for the position I applied for (I was probably underqualified for it), and her boss had passed on my resume.

This person is now hiring for a "senior manager"-level position that I assume reports to her (and for which I mostly meet the requirements), and she asked me if I'd be interested. It's a remote position, so I would work from home. I don't know anything about salary, but it's obviously going to be a big jump from my part-time pay. After saying I WAS interested, and sending her some writing samples she asked for (which she said were "great"), we set up a time on Monday to talk and, in her words, to "see where to go from there." The job has been posted on the org's website for a couple of weeks, but I hadn't applied for it.

So... This job is full-time, and that's where I hesitate. I like the setup I have now, where I'm only "away" from my son for about 20 hours a week, but for one thing, I'm thinking that we could really use a full-time salary on my end. Also, I can ask the hiring manager if the schedule is basically 9-5, M-F, or somewhat flexible. (She telecommutes too.) Is it OK to ask whether their "full time" is 35 or 40 hours?

These are some reasons I think maybe I SHOULD pursue this full-time opportunity:

-My husband and I bought our house a few years ago when we were both working full time and budgeted accordingly.
-I recently spent ALL of my emergency savings, which I will have trouble building up again on my salary. (My husband has a savings account, and we have a joint savings account.)
-In my personal checking account, I'm often down to almost nothing when pay day arrives.
-There are some important house projects we'd like to do, like fixing the roof and fencing part of the yard for our 2-year-old to play outside, that we may not be able to afford for a long time if I don't get a full-time job.
-We'll be better able to save for college for our son.
-We'll have fewer money worries in general. (Already, we don't have cable, we shop at thrift stores for my son's clothes (and I often do for mine as well), we barely spend any money on going out to eat, etc.)
-I'm in my early 30s, and I'm REALLY not saving enough for retirement (I only put, um, $15 biweekly into a 403b), and this would help a lot.
-The option to work at home is a bonus, of course.
-This job has great benefits.
-This is kind of a dream job for me, and it's an opportunity to do a lot of good. It's a step up, too -- and a very impressive title. (I know, titles aren't everything.)
-Good part-time jobs are very hard to find locally, and I'm pretty sure I want to leave my current one.

But these are the questions in my head:
-Do I WANT to work full time??? How do I even know what it will be like to be a full-time "working mom" rather than part-time? I haven't worked FT since before my son was born.
-What do we do about adding more child care? Maybe a nanny/babysitter/mother's helper could come over while I'm working at home? Maybe my son could start attending a nearby Montessori school or a preschool? (In my son's two years, he's only been cared for by my parents.)
-What do we do during the summers, when we're both working FT? Lots of summer camps? What about now, when my son is 2 and too young for camp?

I guess my main fear is, "How will I ever get any NON-work stuff done?" But then again, I don't get much done during the days I take care of my son all day. Actually, I guess my main fear really is, "I will hardly ever see my son, and other people will be raising him!" I need some input please... If the phone interview (?) goes well on Monday, I don't know whether to keep going with this opportunity.

Something special for my sister's first mothers' day

ocherdraco — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 15:25:43 -0800

My sister is expecting her first child. On Mothers' Day (which is after the baby will be born), my sister, brother-in-law, and the new baby will be getting together with both of the baby's grandmothers. I don't live in the state where this will be happening, but I'd like to do something special to surprise all three mothers. What awesome (but inexpensive) thing can I do? It doesn't have to be a surprise for my brother-in-law (in fact, he's really good at keeping secrets like this), so ideas that need a person local to the event are fine by me. This get-together will be in the Boston, MA area.

The reason for needing something inexpensive is that I'm a student and have limited funds for such a thing.

I've been a terrible daughter.

costanza — Sat, 14 Apr 2012 20:40:17 -0800

Help me do something thoughtful for my mom on mother's day. I'm 24 and living with my mom, and I want to do something meaningful for mother's day. I've put my mom through hell this year with my depression. I'm out of depression now. During this time she did everything I would ever want a mother to do, and showed unconditional love.

I don't want to do something big and fancy, nor do I want something sentimental and sappy.

How do I say thank you and I'm sorry all at once on mother's day and not be sappy about it?
Neither my mom nor me enjoy sentimentality.

Would a really thoughtful gift do the trick? My mom loves plants/flowers, wind chimes and other whimsical decorations (tasteful ones), she reads a lot and she sings in a couple choirs. She doesn't like things like breakfast in bed because it breaks up her normal morning routine. I'm sure she would like me to cook a lovely dinner though.

Can anyone help me?

Help me become Ms. Clean(er).

woodvine — Sat, 17 Mar 2012 14:32:22 -0800

CleanPersonFilter: I'm driving my mother crazy. I'm the single mom of an 18 month old. We're living in my mother's (rather large) house with my stepfather and sister. She is generously taking care of rent and utilities while I finish school. Expected graduation is December 2013.

My mother and I have different "grunge levels." She would prefer the house to be perfectly neat all the time, and spends a lot of her free time cleaning. I literally do not see messes unless I am actively looking for them. I try not to be a grossly messy person, but sometimes I am. I just don't care about messes. This, combined with my being a full-time student with a part-time job, parenting, beginning an internship, and my active involvement in a student organization, means that cleaning is the last thing on my long list of things to do.

So this situation is driving my mom crazy. Sometimes I get the opportunity to go out and have fun, and this seems to annoy her because I'm not spending enough time cleaning the house. I am at my wit's end because I can't seem to train my brain to make this a priority and we're going around in a shame spiral where she gets madder and I clean less. How can I make myself clean? How can I make myself care about cleaning and actively want to do it? I'd hire a cleaning person, but money is tight.

How do single income families afford health insurance?

NotSoSimple — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 12:34:31 -0800

How do single income families afford health insurance? Are you a single income family? How do you tackle the bear of insurance? Wife and I have been planning on her quitting her job and staying home for a bit now. We have our savings to our 'threshold' we set and even more. Then we looked into insurance costs.. Oh my.. To use my employer benefits, it would go from $42/m to $614/m. Dental is provided free of charge, so can't drop that down. We have a 2 year old so she would need insurance. I DO NOT want to compromise insurance, I am very adamant that everyone in my family is covered. I make $60k/year so we def do not qualify for any kind of help. I would feel kind of guilty if we did since having my wife stay home is a choice.

We looked at private insurance and it dosnt make sense. Example, $200/m and you get a $10k deducatable. Since we might be having another kid in ~1 year, it would be cheaper to just save that $200/m and pay in cash. We did find out a friends in-law is an insurance broker and are waiting to hear back. I want to make this work for my wife so bad, and we have cut A LOT out but this insurance is such a large expense I dont think there is anything I can do. I am 5 months into a new job and although I have taken on every extra duty I can, I am not sure it would be kosher to ask for a raise.

I need to explain depression to people with no working understanding of it

tulip-socks — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 06:11:36 -0800

Help me explain depression to my well meaning (I think) but clueless friends and family. Looking for an article or a blog that I can direct them to. I don't self harm, and I'm not out of the woods yet on this episode.

Visited family for Christmas and my mom person spent most of the visit alternating between telling me I'm too pretty and smart to be depressed and telling me she's faced this same decision and she chose not to be depressed.

She asked if I'd considered a residential treatment facility, which was awkward because she's very republican. I told her I've explored the idea and asked how much she thought programs like that cost. Then I cried. Now she's really insulted that I'm not answering her calls. I'm still angry about being told this disease (I've struggled with it since grammar school. I'm 30 now) is my fault. So in addition to being sad and tearful, I'm trying to live by 'if you have nothing nice to say, then say nothing.'

I'm on medication, in therapy.

Her husband has just recieved a major health diagnosis, so all of my health analogies feel mean. Her biological daughter is baffled. My friends, well. They just worry that I'm not calling them back.

Mother, do you think it's good enough for you?

Madamina — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 11:26:34 -0800

Balancing function and price: What's the best (and least expensive) Mom Computer, especially if we're trying to go Mac? Oh hey it's another tech question about my mom. I suppose this is basically the same question as this previous AskMe, but we're 2.5 years ahead and my mom is a little more advanced. Also, we've historically been a Mac family, though not in the last five years or so, so the learning curve shouldn't be bad.

My mom's last several computers have all been hand-me-down PCs. She gets very frustrated, and rightfully so, because for one reason or another they've all had kludgy internet and work verrrrry slooooowly. For someone on the low end of the computer spectrum, this is a huge barrier for her; she gives up very easily, and consequently she avoids using things like streaming Netflix. So between the size, tidiness and streamlined UI, I think it's time to go Mac.

She does your basic Gmail, Word, iTunes and web browsing, and she likes YouTube videos. She may eventually upload photos, but she will never use Photoshop.

So: what era should we be looking at? Is there a good way to keep it under $400? Are the Intel Core 2 Duos (2006 or so) good enough to last for maybe four years or more?

Or should we go another way -- PC laptop, etc.? (My husband wants to get her a netbook, but she will NEVER take it anywhere, and I would rather she have a nice big screen.)

Also, now that I think about it: she's 61 and has rapidly advancing arthritis in her fingers. What's the best keyboard -- do the low-profile Mac ones work better? Does the placement of laptop keyboards (e.g. with several inches of computer body and a trackpad) make things more uncomfortable for people with arthritis?

Thanks!