Help me get my foot out of my mouth.

frosty_hut — Sun, 10 Jun 2007 10:47:10 -0800

I put my foot in my mouth at a wedding. Help me get it out. I contract at a part-time job that I enjoy a lot. I'm hoping I'll be getting on their payroll soon (they're telling me this is possible). So one of my co-workers at this place invited me to his wedding, and I felt it was important for me to go. This guy has been training me and spending time with me off the clock, and he's helped me so much and is just the greatest person ever. So even though I was quaking at the thought of this thing, because my people skills are awful but especially bad in groups, and I've always dreaded parties, I knew I'd have to gird my loins and just get through this.

We greeted the bride and groom and they even chatted with us for a bit, though there were so many people. The groom asked me to hug him and I felt so warm and fuzzy!

We went to the reception, where despite being very tipsy, I manged not to fall down, break anything or insult anyone. And every minute was like an hour to me, because I'm horrible in these situations and have never figured out the mingling thing (I know there are some threads on here about that), but I soldiered on. So finally my husband and I were ready to leave, and as we were walking back to the car we were pretty full of ourselves and congratulating ourselves on how great we'd done, because we hadn't screwed up in any major way (he's also a bit shy and tense at these affairs).

And then another guy from work who was arriving late--I'll call him Jack--spotted us on the street and started chatting. I was very drunk by that time because I'd had shots and a bunch of wine at the party (not including what we'd imbibed at home), and I just started talking off the top of my head. My husband later told me that I said something to Jack about thinking the bride was a man. I can explain it, however. Her name is Asian, although she's not Asian, and for whatever reason I thought it was a masculine name. And there were other indications that my co-worker might be gay, and so I just assumed he was going to be marrying a man at a gay wedding. I've had other friends who did this and there was nothing odd about it, except that it turned out to be the wrong assumption. For weeks that was my honest-to-goodness belief. I discovered my co-worker was marrying a woman only a couple of weeks ago.

So anyway, now I'm worried that Jack thinks I'm a freak for stumbling up to him and talking all of that shit about the bride being a guy or looking like a guy or acting like one or something. It's not what I meant, but who knows how he took it? And the thought that this might get back to my co-worker and his adorable new wife makes me sick to my stomach. Jack is a quiet, very discreet guy, and if he even remembers what I said, it's not likely he'd repeat it. But I'm worried. And I'm full of self-loathing for having thought at age 40 plus that the best way to get through a party is by getting soused beforehand. I'm hating myself for doing that and thinking that, and it's devastating to me to think that I've grown so little in life that I'm still unable to face social situations without being in a fog of inebriation. (I rarely drink otherwise--it's mostly a utilitarian pursuit for me, so no threat of a drinking problem on the horizon as far as I can tell).

Anyway, how can I stop beating myself up over yakking drunkenly and having let something slip that I probably should never in a million years have even referred to? Should I go find Jack and find out what he thinks I said?

My sweet, supportive husband thinks I should stop worry about it, but I'm miserable right now.

How does one... mingle?

Effigy2000 — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 21:32:06 -0800

How does one mingle effectively? I suck at mingling, which is bad, since I go to a lot of functions for work (often attended by many important people) where mingling is expected. So often I tend to hang out with the few people I do know, before making a quiet exit. This is because I tend to be more comfortable around those people (I often say I’m an extrovert except around people I don’t know) and because I can’t see how I can just insert myself into a conversation already in flight without looking rude or looking like a stunned mullet while I stand around waiting for an ‘in’ on the conversation.

So I'd like to learn to mingle more effectively. So please, share your tips for mingling! How do I start a conversation with a group of people I don't know (or barely know) while they are in mid-conversation without looking like a putz? How do I overcome what is obviously a level of shyness in introducing myself to people who are often quite important?

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Help me get my foot out of my mouth.

How does one... mingle?