Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with mentor

My best friend and wife are fighting. Should I try and mediate or stay out of it?

washateria — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 08:29:36 -0800

My best friend and wife are fighting. Should I try and mediate or stay out of it? My best friend of ten years is a former boss we can call her FormerBoss/Mentor. FormerBoss/Mentor and I have a great deal of common interests and even though she can be a bit prickly we have always gotten along and enjoy each others company.

My wife of five years is a professional house painter and recently did some painting work for my FormerBoss/Mentor. The work was suppose to be only painting, but my FormerBoss/Mentor called my wife and asked her to supervise another person doing work in the house while she was there, be there to let in other workers, etc. This wasn’t part of the work but my wife did everything that was asked. There were also a couple of pictures left out to be hung and a smoke alarm to be installed with a note, saying “would you please…?” and those things were not part of the agreement and my wife did not do those things. During the week the job ended they were to see each other at an event on Friday evening and they established during a phone call that my wife was to get paid for the job that evening. That evening came and my FormerBoss/Mentor said nothing but “Sorry, I forgot my checkbook.”

No other discussion, no thank you for the work. My wife handed her the keys to her house. The next day they saw each other at another event and there was not any discussion of the work or how my wife was to be paid or any thank you for doing the work. On Sunday my girlfriend emailed my FormerBoss/Mentor and said she was hurt, she felt unacknowledged and unappreciated and wanted to know how she was going to get paid. My friend sent an email saying “I had no idea you should have said something I don’t carry my checkbook with me everyday”.

A few days later a check arrived in the mail. There was a housewarming party where my wife chose not to go because she was still really angry with my friend and I didn’t go because something deep inside told me that no matter what I should stand by my wife. My FormerBoss/Mentor called me on Monday and asked why I wasn’t there and I said because she needed to work out this issue with my wife. My friend says she has done nothing wrong and that she has been very good to my wife and my wife won’t accept her part in it, she never provided an invoice. My partner says this has nothing to do with money or an invoice it has to do with acknowledgement and that my FormerBoss/Mentor should have thanked her for the work and acknowledged the job she did, painting + many extras.

I am so upset that they are fighting like this. Should I call my FormerBoss/Mentor and ask her to please just say thank you for the work my wife did so this can be over? Should I try and stay out of it? Before this happened we were all very close almost like family. I think personally that my former boss was upset that my girlfriend didn’t do ALL the extra things she left out for her and that not saying thanks was a small passive aggressive dig at her. Any advice is appreciated. I really don't know if I should try and mediate or stay out of it. I feel as if my water dish has been moved very far away from my bowl. Any thoughts are appreciated.

Dr. Awesome

abirae — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 16:05:49 -0800

Do you know an amazing primary care physician in NYC? What makes them amazing? Do you think they'd be interested in mentoring a student? Greetings MeFites!

I'm hoping you could let me know about the particularly great primary care physicians you have known and loved in NYC. Maybe it's your physician. Maybe you have a friend or colleague who you respect and admire. Maybe they would like to mentor an eager student....

I'm a first year medical student seeking a primary care mentor to shadow in the spring, and I'm hoping you can help me find some doctors who may be interested. But even if you don't know someone who would be interested in mentoring a student, I'd like to know what makes a doctor outstanding for you.

For me, a great doctor is compassionate and goes the extra mile for their patients. I can tell you that one of my favorite physicians always took the time to explain how she came to a diagnosis, why she chose a particular drug, and when she saw that I was curious about my condition, gave me primary literature related to my illness. That was a really nice touch.

In terms of mentors, I would like to find someone compassionate who cares for interesting and diverse patients. Originally I wrote out a list of qualities I'd like to see, but on reflection I'm much more interested in hearing what makes a doctor great for you.

Also, someone on MeFi mentioned a "Rock Doc" in the East Village who works on a sliding scale with a great many uninsured artists and musicians who sounded like a mench, but I'm having trouble finding the post right now.

And if you recently heard someone say "Goodness! If only I had an opportunity to pass on my knowledge and wisdom, compassion for patients and general awesomeness to a medical student!" well then you know who to call.

Leadership in Film and on TV

oflinkey — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 17:24:57 -0800

Examples of leadership on film (or tv). I have to give a presentation to resident advisors who have been RAs for at least 2 years. In this presentation I need to show warm-up clips from film or TV that demonstrate good (and bad) leadership. These examples can be serious or funny, but I do need to have this in mind:

".... these are the students that mentor the new RAs and that are given more responsibility than the RA, they advise hall council and occasionally lead staff meetings. So with leadership we would be highlighting being a good mentor, managing a staff, how to hold people accountable and how to clearly articulate what you want from the team, but also how to lead by example (such as, making sure that you are taking care of yourself and your classwork before attempting to be that superstar RA. This tends to be an issue with some of our RAs that want to do everything and easily overwhelm themselves)."

I plan on showing sections of the Futurama episode "Brannigan Begin Again" (where Zapp leads a mutiny against Leela), sections of To Kill A Mockingbird, something from Star Trek: TNG, but I have to admit, I am coming up a bit blank on this. Any help would be appreciated, especially if you think I could find the clip on youtube or Hulu. Thank you in advance!

Help me help new college students

brainmouse — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 11:48:50 -0800

How do I offer support for people attending/wanting to attend college, but who have very different situations from anything I knew? 2 different scenarios! I am in two very different situations where I want to give support to people attending or who will attend college. I grew up in an environment where everyone I knew went to college, including all of my family and almost everyone from my high school. I didn't have to deal with any "issues" surrounding it -- I had an excellent support system of people who'd been there. Now I want to be able to offer that support in two ways:

1) A good friend of mine is starting college (across the country from me, and far away from anywhere he's lived before) in about a month at age 25. As far as I know, I'm the only person he speaks to often that has been to college -- none of his family, very few people from where he grew up, etc. He's also going to a very different type of school than I did. What sort of help/support is the most useful from me? I want to be helpful but not obnoxious (no "well when I was in college...").

2) I'm starting involvement in a mentoring program for kids from a underprivileged community near me that might be going to college. Basically, the school district spends all its resources on getting the low-end kids to not drop out, pass the exit exam, etc., and one of the schoolboard members decided he wanted to do something to support the high-end kids. He started getting them donations/scholarships to attend summer programs at some east coast schools, and now he's getting alums from those schools to mentor them. Some of these kids are going to be seniors and are actually doing the college application thing, some are younger and are just thinking about it. Like I said above, these kids have grown up in a very different environment from me, and I just have no idea what to do to help them in this process. Any advice?

Thank you!

What questions to ask some mentors?

gwenzel — Thu, 07 May 2009 18:44:15 -0800

I'm going to a "speed mentoring" event in the near future, and I need some ideas for good questions to ask the mentors... My employer is putting on a "speed mentoring" event in a few weeks, where employees will be broken up into small groups and given an opportunity to ask questions and absorb some wisdom from a group of high-level executives.

Essentially, I'll be in a small group that will have about ten minutes to ask questions and get advice from people we'd normally have little access to. If a "connection" is made between a particular mentor and employee, a longer-term mentoring opportunity might be possible, which I think would be really useful.

What questions should I ask? What's the best way to elicit nuggests of wisdom from wise old sages?

Or, put another way - if you were given ten minutes to chat with a CEO, what would you ask and why?

Is it possible to introduce my kid to NYC's musicians?

agentwills — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 11:46:40 -0800

NYC music filter: How can I find musicians who would be willing to let my kid hang with them? I’ve got a musical eight year old on my hands. I’m in Manhattan, which is an awesome place to raise a musical kid, and I feel like there’s this whole city of possible mentors for him that I just don’t know how to tap into. Other kids his age can’t keep up, and since he’s only 8 years old it’s not like he can go to open mic night. Nothing motivates him like playing with or being around musicians…but where to find them? I think he’d even be happy just sitting in on a rehearsal or something.

Before you file me under “crazy stage mother”, I’m really just looking for opportunities for him to be encouraged and for him to pursue his love of music (plays drums/piano, and composes/writes lyrics). We have a few resources that currently work and some we’ve tapped out, e.g. his school, our church, music camps, and of course his instructors.

I’m looking less for structured lessons (which he does take) and more for inclusion in that atmosphere with people who get him and he can really, really learn from just by being around them. Obviously safety is an issue so random Craigslist postings are completely out of the question.

Couch Surfing Professor

cm — Fri, 26 Dec 2008 20:03:06 -0800

There is the story of the perennial house guest who is either a distinguished mathematician or a physicist. The story goes that if this gentleman comes to stay with a young scientist it means that their future in the field is in for a sudden uptick. His tenure in their home tends to result in a few collaborative papers which in turn leads to notice in the scientific community and a rapid rise in status. Please help me find this professor's name?

Mentor/Mentee situation didn't quite work out as planned--what do I do?

purplecurlygirl — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 14:34:24 -0800

How do I tell a work-assigned mentor that the relationship isn't quite working out? She's clearly too busy for me, and I don't want to participate in the program anymore. I feel that some of this is my fault, but I'm not sure how to handle going forward. I joined a work-sponsored mentorship program back in April, and was paired with a director in another department. From the start, she put the onus on me to make appointments and keep things going (the company literature emphasizes that both mentor and mentee should make an effort to meet once a month or so), and she rescheduled our intial lunch at least once, but I think it was twice. Eventually, we had lunch in her office and discussed my career, and she strongly encouraged me to apply for an in-house job I was not ready for (per the job description, which requires two years+ experience; at the time I had about 15 months). I weighed her advice and ended up not applying for the job. Around the same time, my personal life got very hectic--I was stalked and harrassed by my ex-boyfriend for four months, which was scary and stressful and affected my work life, though I tried not to let it. I didn't follow up with the mentor during this time, and I did not hear from her. About six weeks ago, I contacted her, apologized for not scheduling another meeting and mentioned the personal issues, and attempted to set up another lunch. We scheduled it, but she has now postponed twice, always at the last minute. Where it stands now: at her request, I sent her an email with my availability and have not heard from her in about two weeks.

The woman seems very nice and has a lot of experience in my field, though not directly in my areas of interest, but clearly she has some scheduling issues. I am comfortable with where I am in my career, have something of a mentor in my direct supervisor, and am going to graduate school for a master's in my industry. I'm very busy (ie, lots of lunches and meetings already), and I don't feel that this mentor relationship is of any benefit to me whatsoever. However, I don't want to burn bridges or be thought of as a flake, and at some point I will have to fill out an evalutation for HR regarding the mentorship program. How should I handle it? Just leave it alone, and if HR contacts me for my evaluation be honest, or explicitly tell the sort-of mentor that I can see she's very busy and I don't feel the need for mentoring at the moment? Something else entirely? What's the most graceful way to handle this?

How can we help abused kids?

middleclasstool — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 09:58:16 -0800

How can I help stop child abuse, other than writing a check? This got long, sorry:

My wife and I fall into that category of 30-somethings who were terrified of the prospect of parenting but took the plunge anyway, only to find that the experience has totally transformed and enriched our lives. To our horror, we’ve discovered that one such transformation is that reading and hearing stories of child abuse, particularly those against the very young, is almost unbearable.

Things came to a head last night when my wife read about this local boy. I found her sobbing and nearly inconsolable in a heap on our living room chair. I started crying, too, when she was finally able to tell me why.

It was only the loudest and most recent indication of a growing feeling we've both been having for some time, that we need to get involved somehow with abused children. And here I thought I was just going to roast some coffee beans, listen to Joe Biden, and go to bed.

Writing a check, though something we'll do, is certainly not going to be enough.

I guess I'm looking for two things here: suggestions of ways we can volunteer time, and experiences of those who have been or currently are foster parents, which is another option we’re considering.

The foster idea is one that we’re both attracted to and afraid of — attracted, because we know we can be good parents to kids who need them; afraid, because we don’t know how much harder it will be than regular parenting. In addition, we’re both employed full-time and rely heavily on a combo my wife’s parents and a church “mother’s day out” program to help with day care. Making the commitment is fine for us, but we’re not prepared to commit my wife’s parents as well, as it just doesn’t seem fair to them.

So. I don’t know where to start, really. I’m interested in learning about foster parenting but may realistically have to wait until we’re a single-income family to actually commit. I’m so overwhelmed with questions about it that I don’t really know where to start. Still, I’d like your advice and experiences, especially from those of you who have taken the plunge.

And, of course, non-fostering volunteer opportunities as well, in case fostering isn’t a viable option for us now. What can you do to get involved?

Bonus points for stuff in/around Little Rock, Arkansas.

mentor

vocpanda — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 09:18:35 -0800

What things you wish you knew or did when you got a mentor at work? Or any other advices that would maximize my opportunity with a mentor. I'm still relatively new in the work force (>3 years) and I just got a new mentor at work! She's the head of an innovative department with bunch of managers under her whereas I am internal consultant who basically run around in meetings, researching, or implementing fixes.

I do have some ideas about what I want to be mentored in but I'm not sure how to measure those (required by company) or if there's areas that I should ask for help but currently am not seeing.

For example, how to deal with people and be sensitive to their needs while making sure we get things accomplished. Or how to deal with office politics, especially when I don't see the bigger pictures that my manager's manager is seeing. How can I measure these?

Another example would be that a year ago, I wasn't interested in managerial positions but now I'm coming to realize that I would like to manage people (which I have been unofficially doing for a while now). Are there other things I'm shutting myself out of that I don't realize right now?

Feel free to give any other advices that would maximize my opportunity with this mentor.

Other info:
* I have no clue what I want to do in the long run or what career path.
* As such, I would like to get a MBA one day but have no clue in what. Undergrad is in business/economics.
* Currently work is hybrid of research, business requirements, some technology development, and implementation of fixes.

Summer program for 15 yr old NYC?

quiverandquill — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 15:45:22 -0800

Can you recommend a summer program, August - Sept, for a bright 15 year old girl living in Queens, NYC? My niece is very smart, loves dance and theater and wants to excel academically. She's starting to make choices that aren't ideal, and (unrelated) do somewhat poorly in Math. I would love to find a program in Queens, or NYC for the month of August that can help her with school, inspire her and encourage her in the right direction. Help?!

In appreciation for spiritual guidance and leadership

Anonymous — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 13:54:30 -0800

When undergoing an ministerial ordination ceremony, is it customary or common for the about-to-be-ordained person to gift the minister who is conveying the ordination? This weekend I am becoming legally ordained as a practicing minister in my life path. It will be a joint ceremony in which my husband is also being ordained, and is being held during a religious festival at which many people of our faith will be present. The person who is conducting the ceremony (ordaining us) is a valued mentor and teacher to us both and a very good friend. She is also a very well know name internationally among people of our path.

My question is: Is it customary in ordination ceremonies -- for any given religion -- for the ordained to give a gift of appreciation to the official presiding? During the ceremony itself, there will be a portion where people come up to convey blessings and gifts on us as the new ministers, but I feel I'd like to do something for our own mentor. I'm curious what the protocol is in ordination ceremonies of ANY religion about gifting one's mentor, and whether it is done during the ceremony or privately at some other time. If it matters, we practice an Earth-based spirituality that many would consider an "alternative religion" but is legally recognized by the US government and is developing a rapidly growing community. However, I'd like to hear perspectives from any other faiths since the etiquette in this is completely new to me. Many thanks!

The Sudden Godparent

moonbird — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 05:46:27 -0800

I've just been asked to the godfather of a 13 y.o. kid. I'd also like to present him with something which codifies the responsibilities of a godparent. What are some traditional gifts/symbols that go along with this? [caveat inside] Here's the thing: what I'm looking for shouldn't be exceedingly religious in nature, as I'm not Christian and while he is, he's also a "big thinker" who is delightfully open-minded for being raised in the buckle of the Bible Belt. So, to clarify, the role I've been given is more of a "stand-in" type father figure who provides moral support and some degree of spiritual and/or life coaching. Thanks in advance!

Where can I find resources for a mentor/mentee relationship?

slavlin — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 13:01:17 -0800

Where can I find resources for a mentor/mentee relationship? Specifically, I am looking for resources about being a mentor and also for guides for having feedback meetings.

Don't confuse me with her. Please!

GIRLesq — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 11:14:06 -0800

How do you set yourself apart from a boss/mentor who is not well respected? Let's say you thought you landed your dream job replete with mentor, only to discover shortly thereafter that your new mentor was recently demoted twice and is widely sneered at for the following reasons:

(1) Spends 95% of her time trying to be teflon (i.e. tries to get people in other departments to sign off instead of her so she doesn't risk any blame even though it's not the other person's job to sign off and it takes weeks of email exchanges);

(2) Isn't focused on "making it work" and instead focuses on shooting down anything that involves any risk whatsoever no matter what the business cost.

(3) Wants to be the go-to person for something she knows absolutely nothing about so she tries to get a download of information from you and pass it off as her own knowledge;

(4) Is horribly disorganized and scattered so things are always falling through the cracks so she spends a lot of time trying to prove that it's not her fault something fell through the cracks.

The best solution is to get out from under this person by moving into another department, but how do you distinguish yourself from this person without further exposing their shortcomings (something which would no doubt get you fired)?

Keep in mind, if you make her look too good she'll never approve a transfer.

How to find someone to be an intellectual mentor for them?

Furious Fitness — Sat, 29 Dec 2007 03:38:24 -0800

How to find someone to be an intellectual mentor for them? The difficulties I see in finding someone are: 1) I'm not around many new people (esp. younger) that would be interested and 2) why would they choose me? This question http://ask.metafilter.com/79568/Not-an-easy-task made me realize I want to be an electronic intellectual mentor for someone. For the life of the mind, I have a rare level of understanding of many things. My goal wouldn't be to explain primarily however, but to cultivate the other person's interests and especially do things like find their interests, share the best works I know of in that area, share the works critical of that area, and share areas that would balance that area out.

How do you mentor someone?

jackofsaxons — Sun, 28 Oct 2007 11:23:47 -0800

How do you mentor someone? I was recently given the opportunity to mentor a local college student, and after I agreed to it I quickly realize that A) I had no idea what I was doing, and B) I'm only in a slightly related field of study. How do I go about doing this?

What to get friends for agreeing to be godparent types?

pomegranate — Mon, 06 Aug 2007 08:39:06 -0800

Gifts for godparent-types? We've asked about a dozen people to be "mentors" to our rugrat, in an area of their choice. What do we get them to say thanks and that they have a special bond with her? These people are all friends who are passionate about one thing or another - sports, reading, cooking, etc. They've each agreed to share their passion with our daughter, and take her on at least one outing a year related to their "thing." We want to give them something to honor that commitment, but everything we think of is too cheesy (a certificate, a picture album.) Cost should be less than $50 if possible. The baptism and Mentor Party is in two weeks, so we can't get too customized, either.
Any ideas?

Arts Mentor seeks NYC Youth

twistofrhyme — Sun, 20 May 2007 09:52:05 -0800

Know any performing arts-related youth mentorship programs, where artists can teach kids & teens, in the NYC area? I'm looking for info about programs where professional artists can mentor or teach kids/teens in the NYC area. Preferably programs that pay at least an honorarium.
Bonus points for the following types of programs:

ARTS-RELATED - stuff where the youth are encouraged to create art (performance, writing, visual, music, whatever) in collaboration with adult artists.

PERFORMANCE-RELATED - programs where adults work together to make educational or empowering shows that they perform for kids / youth, in or out of the school system.

SCHOOL OR COMMUNITY CENTRE-BASED- existing youth programs that already have, or would benefit from, an arts-eduation for empowerment type of program.

The thing you might read between the lines is that I'm a professional artist with experience teaching & mentoring youth (and a BA degree, and a lot of professional cred, and expereince teaching drama, writing, and music), and I'm looking for work in the NYC area. I love working with youth, so being an artist-mentor would be an ideal job, I think, and I have the energy and experience to design my own program if need be.

Specific names & contact info for anyone I can contact for tips or send resumes to would be awesome,
and much appreciated at shinyshinygoodgood@gmail.com.
Thanks, hive!

How do I say thank you to my mentor, ten years later?

SoulOnIce — Wed, 09 May 2007 18:42:30 -0800

A woman I greatly admire gave me a pep talk about all the potential and promise I had and how I'd go out into the world and do something with myself. Being incredibly insecure and full of self-doubt, I didn't believe her. That was 10 years ago... ... well, in a little over 2 months from now, it will be exactly 10 years to the day. Wonder of all wonders, I actually turned out okay. We had just finished lunch and for some reason, I'm not sure why, I pocketed a nickel thinking I'd keep it as a reminder. When I got home, I sealed it in an envelope, folded it in thirds, and wrote "Nickel bet, 7/16/97. Do not open til 7/16/07."

That envelope has been with me all along the way. I've had it in my wallet, tacked up on a board, tucked in my journal, stored in my desk drawer. It may seem silly, but it's something I look at from time to time and am reminded of how much of a positive impact this woman had on me. Now that the date is fast approaching, I want to do something for her. For me it stands as a testament to the fact that sometimes the little things you do for people have an immense impact.

I am almost postive she has no idea I kept that day or that moment as anything remarkable or special. In fact, I doubt she would even recall that day. I haven't actually talked to her in several years. She's currently some kind of high level administrator at a very prestigious university and we do have some mutual friends and acquaintances. How do I show my appreciation while incorporating this envelope and this nickel in the gesture? Should I just write a note and send it to her? Should I include some other kind of gift? Our paths might cross in the fall, should I wait to do something in person?

I not only want to say thank you, I also want to do something for her, but I'm at a loss as to exactly what. I appreciate any and all ideas.

When good mentors go bad.

cornflake — Mon, 23 Oct 2006 05:00:00 -0800

My mentor makes unhelpful negative comments when I ask questions, and gets snippy when I don't do as she suggests. What can I do? The artistic director of my theatre group recommended me to direct our Shakespeare production for the year because she wanted to take a break. She offered to mentor and support me through the process.

Now as things are getting going she's making negative comments to the effect of "well I would have done that by now" or "this should have been sorted out weeks ago".

Often, these comments are about things that are being discussed for the first time.

She knew my experience and background before recommending me, so its not that she believes me unqualified to do the job.

It would be "politically" unwise to exclude her completely from the production, but I'm starting to dread asking questions or advice.

To make matters worse, if I make a decision that isn't in line with her opinion I get a minor temper tantrum.

My options seem to be:

1. Continue as things are, effectively doing things 'her way'
2. Listen to her advise, but make my own decisions, regardless of the 'political' fall out.
3. Find a new mentor

or some combination of all three. Any other suggestions?

Having A Mentor That Can Give You What You Want - Fair?

divabat — Sat, 15 Apr 2006 20:36:57 -0800

How appropriate is it to consider someone your mentor, when you're hoping he'll grant you with something major in the future? Is this taking advantage of him and the mentorship? Or am I just being paranoid? I was a student on a study-abroad tour last year and got along very well with the Program Manager (the head of the travelling staff). We talked often about anything and everything, he helped me out when I hit snags, we worked together on some projects, and we basically clicked.

He's currently working in a higher capacity at the same organization (a nonprofit that organizes global education programs, like my tour) and we've been in touch. He's helped me out with a couple of projects, and I've volunteered with them for a while.

He's a very nice and caring person; he really looks out for you. He's also very world-wise and has great perspectives on things. He has a great personality too (very charming and charismatic) and is very open to anything. Indeed, he is the perfect example of what I'm looking for in a mentor.

There is one snag though: I would really love to work in the same nonprofit one day. And he's the one in charge of new hires.

I did actually apply for a job with them recently but got turned down; he gave me some great insight into my strengths and weaknesses and encouraged me to work harder and try again, so that's all good. The people who get hired for these things are usually alumni, and the office is familiar with everyone else anyway, so there's no danger of "oh, you only got in because you know the guy." Everyone knows each other.

The thing is though, I'm a bit apprehensive about continuing a mentor-like relationship with him because I would still like to get a job with them someday soon and I don't want that to influence his decision too much (favouritism).

I'm not planning on bombarding him with questions every day; more like regular correspondence, talking about our lines of work, and also asking for advice if need be. But I don't want this to end up like "oh, you got a head start" - I'd rather get the job because I earned it, not because I managed to charm him to my side.

Am I just being silly? We're from two different cultural backgrounds (I'm Asian he's American) so that might account for the perspective difference. Or could this be a case of taking advantage? "Oh I'll get him to be my mentor so I'll have a closer relationship to him and he'd favour me" thing?

please excuse the confusingness. i'm trying to explain this the best I can! thank you.

I want a mentor.

xo — Tue, 09 Aug 2005 20:35:02 -0800

Turning teachers/bosses into mentors: how do you do it? I've always wanted a mentor for my artistic endeavors, but I have hangups about it! How do you get past the feeling of wanting to defer to those that "outrank" you? How do you get comfortable going from, say, a classroom situation where you're a teacher's assistant, to calling that teacher at home?

It seems I'm regularly in situations where an older/more established artist is kind to me at work/school, and offers to stay in touch with me, either by saying something like, "Let's have lunch sometime," or "Give me a call, and I'll give you directions to __________ place I told you about." I get squicked out by this situation and feel that it's weird to "get personal" with this person that I only know professionally, or else I feel like it's too imbalanced -- every time I call, I'm asking for something. Yet I know that people get past this stuff all the time and end up with mentors. Please advise.

Is there a programmer mentoring community online?

grefo — Thu, 29 Apr 2004 10:38:34 -0800

Is there an online community or web site that mentors new programmers? One in which the student is guided through the different phases of development of a small, but not insignificant program. If one doesn't exist, would it be a worthwhile endeavor to create a mentor community?