Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with mental

Are there any therapists who actually help you?

john123357 — Wed, 15 May 2013 22:33:39 -0800

I went to a couple ones and they just say “uhh huh” and “ya” and “how does that make you feel?” all the time and dont give me any advice. Are there any that actually help you and give you advice? I also want to mention that going just made me focus on my problems and feel sorry for myself instead of changing things and going just seemed to make my problems worse.

I can no longer start or finish even the most basic tasks.

marsbar77 — Sun, 05 May 2013 23:10:06 -0800

And I mean anything. People, school, projects, hobbies... I always, always give up on the things I start. And it isn't even about losing interest. Yeah, there are things that I'll eventually lose interest in and quit and that's not really a problem. What bothers me is that I quit things I'm actually interested in, too. For example, I was so completely into a book I was reading last week. Really, really into it. You'd think I'd finish it, then, but I didn't. I have an entire library full of half-read books, most of which I'd love to start reading again but just can't. Won't. Cant. Ugh. It's like that with absolutely everything. I'm fascinated by psychology and started studying it but eventually stopped despite my continuing interest. I'd write a story, get to the middle, and stop, regardless my desire to keep working on it. I never finish art projects, never finish video games, and rarely finish movies or TV series. Heck, I can't even finish listening to songs! It doesn't matter how much I love the song-- I still have a terrible habit of stopping music half-way and going to the next one.

I do that with other things besides projects and hobbies. I'd befriend someone and eventually just drift away from them, and not because I'd find them no longer interesting or anything like that. I just do. I'd do so well in school for months and then just stop. And it's not that I hate school or anything. In fact, I quite *like* school. In the long run that doesn't mean a thing, though.

I don't know what's wrong with me or what to do to fix this. I've pushed myself to finish things in the past (obviously), but that usually leaves me feeling exhausted and completely disinterested in just about everything afterward, instead of feeling empowered or something like you'd expect. And the feeling would last for DAYS. For instance, let's say I pushed myself to write an essay. I'd feel so tired afterward, and finishing ANYTHING after that would become doubly hard. I truly don't know what to do.

I'm supposed to graduate college this month ( after six years) and I don't even know if I'll be able to complete the assignments required in my final courses, let alone do anything of value with my life afterwards. What's wrong with me?

I Was Just, Uh, Resting?

Anonymous — Thu, 02 May 2013 19:43:52 -0800

How do I explain the mental-health-related 2-yr gap on my resume? I have a job interview coming up VERY SOON-- and my resume has a 2 year gap in which I was basically not working, for mental-health-related reasons.

I did do some contract work during this time, but not much. This would be the first real full-time job I would have had since the mental health problems began. (They're resolved now.)

How should I handle it, if they ask about the gap?

Geriatric mental health professionals in Balt/Wash area?

Captain Chesapeake — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 14:47:32 -0800

Help me find mental health resources for my dad. I posted a few week ago about my 70 year old dad having heart bypass surgery. He's been really embracing the idea of paying more attention to his mental and physical health. Last few years he's been exploring alternative types of therapies including acupuncture, reiki, and mindfulness-type practices. Lately I've been encouraging him to find a mental health professional to talk to that can give him some perspective on his marriage, getting older, his relationships with his children etc. He has a history of anxiety and depression and I'd be really happy if he could spend the last phase of his life in some sort of equanimity. I'd like to provide him with a few names in case he decides this is something he'd like to pursue.

I want to get some suggestions for mental health professionals in the Baltimore/Washington corridor (ideally in Howard County) that have a practice geared towards someone in the later part of their life. Ideally would also have familiarity with mindfulness/Buddhist based practices. Thanks all.

Accepting bipolar

elephantsvanish — Sun, 28 Apr 2013 23:08:57 -0800

How do you get used to yourself as bipolar (II)? Trying to understand my lows and mixed highs better, but find myself slipping into despair. I'm starting to get depressed again. I know that this is part of my cyclical moods, and having this knowledge that I didn't have (or rather rejected) over the past several years should be helpful, right? Instead I just feel bad about myself, damaged and despairing. As a recent NYT op-ed reflected, the diagnosis doesn't help you deal with the sense of self you're losing.

Any ideas of how to take strength in this process? I'm trying not to give in to my lousy feelings, but I just want to skip work and lie in bed. I feel like I need a role model, a way to accept this, something. Thanks.

Could my ADHD diagnosis be wrong? Or be expanded?

ahtlast93 — Tue, 16 Apr 2013 14:32:04 -0800

Hi. I'll try and cut a long story short, about 6 month ago I've been diagnosed with ADHD and now I'm doubting my diagnosis. (more down there, all sappy again) First I was given Ritalin, which was ok, but would suddenly get to something I can only describe as "too much" after around 4 days, and have since been using dexedrine (I'd say I'm using it for around 3 weeks in total, with gaps in between). The dexedrine has been better, "milder" (as my psychiatrist would say) and is easier to manage (I have to use IR, since my insurance doesn't cover ER, managing 4 doses of Ritalin a day was a bit a crazy).

However, I still have a feeling though that not much has changed. When on the meds, my house is generally cleaner and a bit more consequent, but I have a feeling my work (a creative discipline) hasn't improved in any way, maybe even suffered as I get a feeling that the meds kill my intuition in a way.

I think that, at the time when I contacted the centre/clinic I'm going to I self diagnosed with ADHD to begin with, and easily fulfilled all the criteria, but one question that still bugs me, which they asked as soon as we sat down was "Why did you come here? What is your goal with us?", at which I hesitated and eventually kind of wiggled my way out if with some answer I thought they might like to hear like "Get more consistent, more steady in my work bla bla"

Recently I've been thinking an answer to that is something really simple like, "Get happier", which now I definitely am not (nor was before).

I do talk to a psychotherapist as part of the treatment, but in general I present myself as quite functional when I get there, and I have a feeling he doesn't know how I operate when not on that chair facing him. He suggested and thought me stuff like mindfullness, planning and organization, all of which I got very enthusiastic about and then dropped it a few days later. This is my fault of course, but I think I have a hard time responding to any questions regarding emotional states, so it's mostly "Yeah, ok" or "Yeah, really good".

So I'm wondering if I have depression, or whatever else, because I'm getting worried and feel like I'm jeopardizing my studies, which are really a great opportunity, that now feel like I'm throwing away. I feel like I lack motivation, I'm indecisive and can't determine what I'm interested in. I'm honestly not productive, altough I do get moments where I produce a lot in a short period, but this is hardly on a regular basis. I have no things I fall back to, and nothing specific provides me pleasure anymore. I get jealous at others' successes, and have a hard time processing positive feedback towards my work. I haven't cried in about 4 years, which really worries me, even though I rationally think I should be really saddened by some things, but I feel blunt. This has been going on for a while though, and I couldn't describe it as being "sad", hence my confusion if depression is a possibility....

I'll mention this stuff to my psychotherapist next time, although I feel awkward about it, since we haven't really talked about things in that way so far (we only had a few sessions).

Anyway, not sure what I'm asking here, I guess it would just be good to hear from someone with a similar experience?

Supporting my girlfriend through medical transition

divabat — Wed, 10 Apr 2013 18:33:40 -0800

My girlfriend is about to start a series of medical-related procedures as part of her gender transition (M2F). What can I, as a cis(ish) woman, do to be a good support to her? I had met my girlfriend long after she was already living as a woman, so the question of "I knew him as a man and now he-she-what the hell is a woman argh!!" doesn't even apply. She's about to start hormones and get an orchiectomy fairly soon. It's been a long time coming and she's pretty excited about it all.

My main concern has to do with the medical effects - I personally get horribly affected by my own hormones, and also saw my mother deal with hormonal issues, and I'm not sure how the hormones she'll be taking will affect her physically and moodwise. There's also the matter of care before and after the surgery - I'm not sure what to expect, and my girlfriend is currently learning more about it too.

How can I be of support in helpful ways through the medical stuff? Are there likely to be significant shifts in mood, energy, sex drive that I need to be aware of? Anything I can do practically that can be of us (especially since we live together)?

My girlfriend and I have been pretty good at communication, but this is a whole new frontier for either of us so it's been difficult to anticipate potential needs. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

What is this mental health term that I'm trying to recall?

side effect — Fri, 29 Mar 2013 15:30:52 -0800

A while ago I read a two-word term relating to mental health that I can't remember and it's driving me crazy. The term conveyed that a person has a [delayed/stunted/numbed/etc] + [response/reaction/effect/etc], if that makes any sense. The term applies to either a symptom of some disorder like depression or trauma, or it's a side effect of a medication for such disorder. It implied that the person was affected in such a way that they were unable to care about something that a person in a normal state of mind would.

Interesting Periodicals, Sites for Mental Health Professionals

Hennimore — Wed, 13 Mar 2013 16:13:30 -0800

Clinical social workers, mental health counselors, and other mental health professionals: can you tell me of blogs, magazines, or other resources that help you keep abreast of the field in an interesting way? I'm looking for stuff to casually browse to keep me current with what's going on. I'd also like to read good, ethical blogs by people who work in mental health.

Bro's guardian has revoked consent; how do I speak to caregivers?

angrycat — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 08:43:22 -0800

My very mentally ill brother may be in a dangerous situation. It appears that his guardian has revoked the consent my brother gave so that I can talk to his caregivers. What the hell can I do now. I would link to my previous questions (all non anonymous) about this but my iPad is thwarting me.

Anyway, I am estranged from my mother for a long list of reasons. My mother is my brother's legal guardian. Previously, my brother gave his consent for me to talk to his case worker. That has since been revoked, I believe (although not certain) by my mother. So now I can't get info from his caregivers.

Yesterday my brother did his time- honored strategy of dealing with things when he gets stressed: attempt to rob a commercial whatever (this time it was Taco Bell). He got lucky, apparently: he was arrested but released shortly, so now he's back in his group home.

How this happened is a mystery. He doesn't leave the house w.o. supervision. He is closely monitored by his treatment team. So this is a case of somebody not doing their job. All know that this is my brother's m.o. He's done this getting himself arrested, I dunno, 4, 5, 7 times now, because he's spent most of his adult life in jail, so when he's stresses jail seems like a refuge. Everybody knows he must be supervised when outside. My brother looks like an overweight Charles Manson, and that plus his menacing behavior is going to send him back to jail (where he has the bad habit of saying shit to other inmates that instigates a fight) or get him shot.

I am shaking with anger as I write this. I want to bring some appropriate pressure on the agencies involved so that this doesn't happen again. But because of the consent issue, I am running into walls.

No other family member is able and or willing to deal with this.

YANML, but is there any way I can get around this revocation of consent?

How can I deal with this "time off" in my life?

Anonymous — Thu, 07 Mar 2013 08:06:50 -0800

Depression has upended my life and the people trying to help aren't really helping, what do I do? After an incredibly rough year of my entire life and mental health falling apart, I quit my job and am moving back in with my family for a month or two while I complete an intensive partial inpatient therapy program for what has become life-threatening depression and anxiety. Hopefully after this I'll be able to move back into my apartment in another city, find a new job, and get on with things. But if I hear another person reassure me with the fact that it only took them three or four years to get back on their feet I might actually just give up. (The well-meaning "Oh, you're so strong!" comfort isn't helping much either.) Being idle is already making me stagnate after not even a week. As difficult to impossible as it is to motivate myself to do things, I really need to do things. I guess my question is two-fold:

1. What are some things I can do to make this month or two or three not as horrible as it might be? My relationship with my parents is pretty strained because of previous abuse - our relationship is better than it was, but living in this house isn't the best for me. I'm in a small suburban area 20 minutes outside of a city, with easy train access. I don't drive. I'm unsurprisingly pretty bad at self-care stuff.

2. I feel like I haven't heard from anyone who has gone through this sort of thing and emerged a healthy person with a life they enjoy in less than a very, very long time. It would help a lot to. I'm not imagining I'll be Better when this is over by any means, I'm aware I have a chronic condition, and it has taken me a very long time to even get to this point...but sometimes it feels like the majority of people I know who have dealt/are dealing with mental illness are totally miserable or only just coming out of total misery, or have sort of faded away. I need to know, I guess, that there is hope for something other than that. CBT/DBT isn't supposed to last for YEARS, right?

Throwaway email: mefisock@gmail.com Anyway, thank you!

How to get over the fact that I just had a breakdown?

trogdole — Fri, 01 Mar 2013 18:13:06 -0800

Two days ago I had some sort of emotional/mental breakdown. I got help in the immediate sense, but I'm not sure how to process and get over it. Trying to avoid being too graphic, but still give some clarity. Two days ago I skipped work, sat in my bath tub and merrily cut the shit out of myself many many times. After a while I kind of 'woke up', freaked out and ran into my living room and collapsed crying on the floor.

I got help, I called people, went to the ER, spoke to a shrink. That's fine. I'm as good as I can be at this point. But what I'm having trouble with is getting my head around the fact that I did that. That my mental state went so off the wall that I hurt myself that much and was so happy about it at the time. I know I need a therapist, but I can't afford the time or money right now. I'm looking for advice, maybe anecdotes, books or websites. And hell, even a name for what happened, if there is some kind of term for it?

Mods, please feel free to take this down or edit it if it's too..unpleasant.

Question regarding coming off of anti-depressants

BlueMartini7 — Mon, 25 Feb 2013 17:26:12 -0800

What was your experience coming off of anti-depressants? When you were on them, did you experience blunting of feelings and emotions and when you were tapering or went off cold turkey, did you feel a return to your former self/return of your personality? A few other questions I have regarding anti-depressants - did you find that the medication changed your ability to recall information, make you feel foggy, or have intrusive thoughts/impulses, and when you lowered the dose or went off, did that improve? If you went off of the medication and then found you needed to go back on, how long did it take you to realize you needed to go back on the medication?

For those that went off of medication - what kinds of things did you do to keep depression at bay - for example, I know that exercise, yoga and meditation are some practices that definitely help improve mood. Were you able to go off of meds completely and treat your depression through an increase in these activities (or others?)? If yes, pls share what you did that helped go med free.

Your insight/experience with taking these meds is appreciated. If you'd like to share which medications and what the dosage was/is that would be helpful too.

Gender, sexuality, and mental health.

whalebreath — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 06:09:35 -0800

Gender, sexuality, and mental health. Help me design a workshop? A while ago I asked this question, asking for your input about how to design a workshop about gender and sexuality for mental health professionals who didn't know a lot about queer or trans issues or identities. You guys provided some awesome ideas and resources, and that workshop was a raging success.

Now I want to design a workshop from the opposite perspective: a workshop about mental health for people who are already very well-versed in issues of gender and sexuality, who are activists and queers themselves and allies working within these communities. I'm a graduate student in a mental health field, and the workshop will be part of a multi day gathering with lots of workshops on oppression, activism, etc. I'm a lot more intimidated about giving this workshop than I was the last one, and so I really want to inform myself and make it as relevant and interesting as it can be.

So far what I've thought of doing is talking about some of the institutionalized oppression within the field of psychology: the history of homosexuality in the DSM, the current inclusion of gender identity disorder (and the necessity of getting a diagnosis of a mental disorder in order to access hormones/surgery), the phenomenon of gay conversion therapy, the history of surgically operating on the genitals of intersexed infants....that's all I've got there so far. I could also talk about how the DSM imposes this dichotomy between pathological and normal....but I'm worried about getting up as a psych grad student and giving a rant/tirade against psychology...not because I don't have a lot of problems with the DSM etc., but just because I'm going to need a job in the future, and this is a small community. I want to be able to offer critique and controversy in a calm, almost impartial way, but the truth is I'm currently kind of raging inside about some of these things, and I'm scared of broadcasting that to all of my future employers, who may not be so receptive to a scathing critique of their field and practices.

Then I was thinking of exploring mental health issues among queer and/or trans people...for this I was originally thinking of getting a loan of a bunch of clickers, so that I could poll the room anonymously about their experiences with mental illness and access to treatment, but it looks like that's not going to be a possibility, and I wasn't sure how to go about that in a really sensitive manner anyway...

I would love input from you guys about how to make this workshop a success. I'd love to be able to get the audience involved somehow, but I'm not sure how many will be there...probably somewhere between 20 and 50. As a queer person/trans person/ally, what would you want to learn about mental health, or what do you wish people knew? I feel like I'm going to learn a lot from making/presenting this workshop, and I'm really open/wanting to hear about perspectives that I've neglected or not thought about. I have about 45 minutes to give the talk/presentation/workshop, and then another 30 minutes for discussion.

Thanks guys!

[Personality filter] She is driving me crazy!!!

Sophie1 — Tue, 12 Feb 2013 10:34:46 -0800

Help me figure out what is going on with this person and feel some empathy. I am in a support group where there is one participant who:

-Laughs nervously and very loudly and too long at things that are not funny
-Gets very quiet and hostile when anyone contradicts her
-Occasionally explodes in rage if she is challenged
-Refuses to participate in quiet meditation and passive-aggressively fidgets the entire time
-Is almost NEVER open to new ideas or suggestions
-Almost NEVER opens herself up to vulnerability
-Reports a lot of conflict with co-workers, family, etc.
-But is often self-denigrating in broad ways

Additionally, I'm afraid to confront her about the above issues because I don't want the messy negative reaction and feel like she will most likely bolt from the group, which is tempting but not the ethical solution.

I don't necessarily need/expect a diagnosis, I just feel like if I had some insight, I could better empathize with her but right now, I just wish she would go away and stop inhibiting the group!

Can a doctor diagnose someone with dementia just by looking at them?

orangutan — Fri, 08 Feb 2013 13:21:46 -0800

My dad went to a doctor; the doctor told him, out of nowhere, he had early-onset dementia. What gives? My mother went to her doctor for her annual checkup. My dad accompanied her. When he saw that the waiting room was empty, he scheduled an impromptu appointment for his busted shoulder. I don't know if this is relevant, but this woman is not my father's doctor and had never seen him before this appointment. Also, if this helps, my mom claims she's never talked about my father to her doctor, either.

The doctor recommended physiotherapy for my dad's shoulder. He also found out he had high blood pressure. So far, so normal.

She then, apropos of nothing, asked my father if he'd had memory issues. My father has always had issues with short-term memory since I can remember (since he was, say, in his mid-thirties). So my father told her that, but nothing that had gotten worse. She asked my father if his job performance was affected by his memory loss. (?)

She then told him that he had early-onset dementia. It was beginning, she said, and it would get progressively worse as time went on.

This seems kind of strange. She doesn't know my father's medical history. None of us (my mother, myself or my brother) have noticed any deterioration in my father's memory or in any other cognitive function. When my father asked her how she could know, she said that she just knew. (Then, when he asked her if it was her "physician's intuition", and she repeated that no, she just knew.) She also kept calling my dad "Sri" when his name is "Sid", though he corrected her repeated times. I'm not sure if that's relevant, but it happened, so I'm including it.

Admittedly I am not a doctor and neither is the internet. But I did read that a diagnosis of dementia usually takes six months of rigorous multi-disciplinal testing. And, though I do have a family history of dementia, most of those people experienced dementia in their eighties and nineties. I'm not saying that the diagnosis is impossible -- though it is really fucking scary -- but can a doctor really make these conclusions on such little information?

Brain Art Dance Thing Seeks Name

Gusaroo — Tue, 05 Feb 2013 13:57:48 -0800

Help name this event: It's a day long event starting with an art show, leading into an evening of music and experiential art, and it's aim is to celebrate the creative works of those with mental illness. The higher goal is to destigmatize mental illness and educate attendees about the services available in the community. I like Revisionary Ball but someone else has claimed "Revisionary". Any ideas out there?

What do I tell my psychiatrist about trying drugs given by friends?

Anonymous — Mon, 04 Feb 2013 15:16:13 -0800

Is it safe to admit to a new psychiatrist that I have tried some anti-anxiety drugs given to me by friends who were trying to help me out? I wish to see a psychiatrist about some depression and anxiety issues. I've taken prescription anti-depressants, but my regular doctor has not prescribed specific anti-anxiety drugs. I have struggled with anxiety for quite some time, and I have had friends occasionally give me some of their prescription meds to help me out. I do not abuse these drugs, I have taken them only when I felt that I really needed them. However, it is illegal, and if I admit that would it be construed as 'drug seeking behavior'? OTOH, I feel like I should talk about it, because it represents valid data about what seems to work for me.

Advice on dealing with feelings of loneliness and paranoia

Recca — Tue, 22 Jan 2013 19:58:46 -0800

I'm having a hard time dealing with feelings of profound loneliness and paranoia about the states of friendships which in turn affect my dreams and my moods (being a vivid dreamer) and I don't like the affect it has on my happiness. Is there any good literature or advice that you can give to help me conquer these feelings and appreciate what I have in my friends or branch out to finding others? Any communication advice to being clear with friends and alleviating my paranoia without insulting them or sounding weird? I'm a 30 year old single male. I've grown up caught between introversion and extroversion. Many times I can't stand people, but at the same time crave attention and company. I'm caught in a sort of enigma. I typically rely on a very select few friends to help me feel happy in life. Unfortunately that often leads to being "needy" or "overly dependent" and then back to loneliness and then paranoia as to what have I done wrong or have friends moved on. I am on medication for Anxiety (Citalopram) but nothing else. I grew up with anger issues and had counselling when I was younger, but have since avoided seeing a psychiatrist for many reasons. I don't consider that an option. I have very odd trust issues, I know and work them. Basically I've always lived by "trust no one" because of always being burned but I inevitably end up deeply trusting those few people. This compounds into realizing I rely on so few people and feeling then lonely because I only have those few friends. Of course, this leads to paranoia as to where I stand with them at any given time... and the cycle goes on. I fight myself on it daily to avoid going from a fun friend to an annoying pest, but the loneliness and the affect on my mental state takes it toll. Advice, tips, literature or similar experience with results in changing it would be much appreciated!

How do I get over my narcissistic parent?

inaisa — Thu, 17 Jan 2013 09:10:07 -0800

My mother is a narcissist and I need help getting over her; please read? I have recently come to the understanding that my mother is a narcissist. My father suffers from being self-absorbed and is extremely difficult to relate to, but my mother is much worse on so many levels and I have never understood this, and want to know how to better relate to them as an adult.

My mother works as a part time teaching assistant. She lives rent free in a large house and has at least one car. She has divorced my father on a whim and moved on to seduce various other men, such as the TV repair man, a neighbour, a devout Christian, and finally a successful car salesman. There is evidence to suggest my brother may not be related to me. Some months ago I saw her for the first time after no contact for five years, and she did not seem to notice at all. She has no idea of the devastation she causes and seems to take pleasure wandering into peoples' lives, destroying them and moving onto the next.

I really want to find a way to get over the physical abuse in the home. By the age of 22 I had run away to a halfway house after falling out with my father. I was not allowed to eat much and would be served tiny portions of food - a chicken wing for dinner. Fighting in the house was common. By the time I left I weighed between 35-40kg and was a physical and emotional wreck, and spent the next few years puking up my guts and trying to put on weight. I'm not sure but I think that my body might not have developed properly through starvation and it might have been a deliberate attempt to keep me "at her side".

It seems insane but I cannot relate to my mother as a seperate person unless I re-think her as a very small, selfish and aggressive child. What is more disturbing to me is that I think she cannot feel emotions in the way a normal adult does, and pretends to feel. My father would occasionally beat up our dogs as he liked to pick on those weaker and below him (I wasn't an exception until I stood up to him a few times). Sometimes my mother would watch and just seem curious. When I became upset at seeing it she would seem genuinely surprised. At that stage I thought that perhaps I was wrong to feel upset, and that I should have been tougher.

Looking back I can quite clearly see that my mother was mentally ill and I am furious with her for having to raise myself. All my life skills for instance, everything I know about cooking, cleaning, and taking care of myself, to being employable, having friends, being able to be responsible and think of myself as an adult - I am constantly on edge for yet another "you don't know WHAT??" surprise. I've never had a partner and was actively dissuaded from learning or pursuing one. And it's one of those thorns that stick. I gave my father endless and unquestioning faith, and in return he concluded with our relationship as "you are no longer part of the family." And simultaneously I am "Always welcome". I was also given an ultimatum to "choose" which parent was the best. This kind of sick and selfish behavior doesn't come from mentally healthy adults, but from the outside, they are blameless and perfect, I am the selfish and dysfunctional one.

One of the problems I've developed is that I find it very hard to feel. This may be something learned, but during some very bizarre interactions with my mother, I started to feel as if I didn't exist and was floating outside of my body. Other times I developed the skill of not feeling for recreation or protection. Another symptom I've experienced heavily is recurring nightmares, ones that have left me crying out in my sleep. I've tried talking to doctors about this but it's always a case of "Are you depressed? Y/N" and "fixing the depression".

I can't look at her as a child - after all, she is an adult. I cannot really see her as mentally stable but she never seeks help for her extreme selfishness, and if she does notice the strain she puts on people, she does spectacularly well in leeching onto others. I can not see her as a caregiver because it was the other way round - you care for her. But I can't see her as an abuser because it's too outrageous and self-pitying. And if I cut the cord, what have I been the last several years? Then it truly is all my fault for being stupid, easily bullied and self-absorbed in my life, and I get nothing in return for that kick in the teeth. What can a man do?

One of my fathers' responses to us - me and my siblings - in becoming adults ourselves is to act as childishly and reveal how naive he is, which has been a sickening letdown. My sister, for instance, contacted my father out of concern and love several years ago, and about how desperate her own circumstances were. She received a sympathy card. My father is capable of empathy but he is miserable and has a weak heart, and communicates through letting you down ie. "See what YOU did to ME!!" It's easy to cut contact with someone who communicates by cutting off contact. But I've found it harder to break free of wanting to help in return for being accepted. Then again, I will never be the person he thinks I should be (nor should I be), I cannot be his light and path as was expected, and even then the acceptance would be conditional to his feelings. Learning that the unspoken contract was that I was responsible for his feelings in itself has been hard enough to figure out let alone break.

My mother, on the other hand, has worked tirelessly to warp the people around her into producing nothing but endless attention. She is seriously mentally ill and I do not want to be responsible for her or visit her again in any stage of my life. This means everything - whether its a marriage, an accident, a death in the family, or so on. She will use any event or strategy to her advantage so that it gets her more attention and nothing hurts more. I am so sick of these people. If they can't grow up how can I.

Thanks for reading this, and please note: I am seeing a therapist about this

Bogus Vitamin B?

shiggins — Sun, 13 Jan 2013 16:11:57 -0800

My psychiatrist, who practices holistic/integrative medicine, says non-food-based brands of vitamin B are useless because the body does not actually absorb them. Is this true? YANMD, but:

My psychiatrist told me that the only brand of vitamin B I should take is MegaFoods Balanced B. Her reason is that it's completely food-based, allowing the body to absorb it properly. She claims that other over-the-counter B vitamins that are not food-based don't do anything at all.

Is this true? Since she practices holistic/integrative medicine (meaning she suggests vitamins/herbs and alternative treatments to accompany prescription medication), could she perhaps be paid by vitamin companies to push a specific brand? Or is what she saying actually true?

She doesn't want help, but I want to help her.

Anonymous — Mon, 24 Dec 2012 21:26:36 -0800

How to convince someone who may be schizophrenic to seek help? I am home for the holidays. I have a cousin who I used to be very close to but have not seen much for a few years, as I now live far from most of my family because of my job. She's in her mid twenties and was acting very strangely. She was never like this in the past, but she was brimming with conspiracy theories; a lot of it typical right wing stuff (Obama is a muslim who was born in Kenya), but some of it regarding people in our family (that one of our family members did not actually die of cancer but was killed by another family member, for one).

She was just acting a lot more paranoid than usual, so I told the cousin's mother, my aunt, that I was worried about her. This cousin still lives at home so my aunt has probably seen her the most out of anyone over these last few years. My aunt broke down, saying that's it's actually much worse than it seems; my cousin hears voices and believes that she can control spirits to harm other people. My aunt has tried to get my cousin to seek treatment, but hasn't been successful. My cousin has an enormous disdain for medicine and doctors, which doesn't help anything.

In the past my aunt hoped that my cousin's behavior was due to illegal drugs, but my aunt is now almost certain that my cousin is not doing any drugs and the odd behavior is still very bad.

My cousin is definitely smart enough to hide most of the things people would think are crazy. I want to help my aunt and my cousin, but I don't know how. How can you help someone who doesn't want help? My cousin is also pregnant and I worry about the welfare of the coming child. My cousin also owns several guns. I know that most mentally ill people are not violent, but the possible untreated mental illness and guns combo definitely worries me.

My aunt is afraid to push too hard because my cousin is distancing herself from almost everyone, and my aunt is the only person she still trusts and confides in (the child's father is not in the picture). She asked me for advice but I was completely at a loss.

Jolly Old OCD

Katine — Mon, 17 Dec 2012 12:54:28 -0800

Mefites with psych issues, do you have tips for getting through the holidays? This time of year is really hard on my OCD. This is probably because at Christmas routines are different and there are family and traveling stresses to deal with. I am also still not 100% recovered from my last OCD "episode" which began around Christmas last year.

I'm in therapy (have been for quite a while) and on medication (trying to keep the dose low but it has helped enormously). I have read books, done the "homework", gone to support groups, tried CBT, ERP, talk therapy, exercise, yoga, meditation...I feel like I have tried everything. I still get the obsessions sometimes and even though I am much, MUCH better than I was even 6 months ago, when they happen, the obsessions are still really painful and terrible. Sometimes, I am totally fine. Sometimes, I just don't know what to do anymore, am desperate and in a lot of pain. I know many people have painful lives, I am grateful for everything I do have and am trying not to sound dramatic, but OCD has been very painful for me.

So, for people out there with psych issues, I've got three questions:

1. Tips for getting through the holidays? I love Christmas and I love my family but it's a time when my issues act up in a serious way. Especially with traveling (which is unavoidable unless I want to spend Christmas alone, which I don't).

2. What do you do when you feel you've done all you can and are still having symptoms? What do you do to help yourself get through the difficult periods?

3. Is it possible to be damaged (I hesitate to say "traumatized") by a particularly bad psychiatric episode? I feel like I still haven't fully gotten back on my feet almost a year since my last major episode started. I think since I had such a difficult time around this time last year, I am very worried it will happen again and I really don't know if I'll be able to handle it.

Any wisdom, guidance? Any help is appreciated. Thank you, thank you!

What to include in a care package that I'm sending to my friend who has been committed to a psychiatric hospital?

Anonymous — Sat, 24 Nov 2012 18:36:40 -0800

My closest friend has been admitted to an excellent psychiatric hospital for about 90 days due to some major issues with her bi-polar disorder. Due to her noncompliant behavior & some comments that she has made, she is on restriction right now but I have been told that I can send her a care package & they will allow her to have it when they feel like she deserves privileges. I've looked all over the internet for some help on what is ok & not ok to send but I'm finding little information. Does anyone have suggestions on what someone in that situation would appreciate & what is allowed & not allowed per hospital regulations? I'm sending the obvious stuff like snacks (small, pre-packaged in cellophane), books, hard cover journals, pictures (no frames), socks, toiletries & a few other things to keep her busy. I'm mainly wondering what are the restricted items might be other than common sense stuff like anything with glass, metal, wire, cords, sharp objects, etc.

Question about artistic skills

Brandon Blatcher — Tue, 20 Nov 2012 08:42:38 -0800

There are some people who are excellent draftsmen when it comes to drawing. Their sketchbooks are full of architecture style drawings or similar, with straight lines as if drawn using a ruler and little erasing. Or they're sign painters or car details who can just pick up a brush and literally draw a straight line on the car as they're walking the length of it. No visual planning or measuring or masking off areas, they just do it. Are there scientific studies about the particular set of physical and mental skills these people have and what exactly those skills are? Are their specific differences in their brain or anatomy that enable those skills?