Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with meh

Suggestions for shy/anxious lurkers at meetups?

Two unicycles and some duct tape — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 04:49:31 -0800

Where can I find, order and purchase, by this evening, a T-shirt that says "Lurker" in big white letters? (Or would that be a bad idea?) Alternatively: please help me find ways to minimize or avoid social anxiety awkwardness at the PDX meetup. Hi, I'm a Metafilter lurker. I've been hanging around since 2002 or so but I don't say much. (This is actually my second account; I said a couple of things under my first account but I had second thoughts about them so I retired that one.) I have some social anxiety issues which make gatherings full of strangers difficult for me, though I'm trying to work through them as best I can.

I went to a meetup here in Portland a couple of years ago (at Ground Kontrol, some of you may remember it) and I spent a couple of hours doing the 'restlessly-circling-the-room-looking-for-some-reason-not-to-leave-immediately' thing that those of you who are shy or socially awkward probably know very well. Ultimately I did talk briefly with a couple of nice folks and it wasn't altogether as painful as it might have been, though I did leave quite early. The most awkward moments of the evening, I found, were those few when I'd end up facing someone and they'd visibly run through this Mefi recognition checklist: do I know this guy's face? no... do I recognize his username? [cue squinting and frowning at name badge] no... is there someone more interesting I could be talking to? hmm, probably... and then they'd sort of move on. It got to where I wanted to interrupt folks to say "Look, honest, you don't know me, you've never seen me post or comment, it's okay, hi, how are you?"

Sure, I get the curiosity about who folks are on Metafilter, and there are a ton of y'all whose posts and comments I've loved reading over the years and would probably enjoy chatting with in person, so I totally get the scanning-nametags-hoping-to-run-into-languagehat thing. But it's awkward and a bit disheartening to feel like I'm letting folks down just by not having a recognizable username. (Even if it is, as you'll no doubt suggest, all in my head. All-in-one's-headness doesn't necessarily make it go away.)

So I'm debating how best to approach the meetup this time to minimize potential awkwardness. I kind of feel like a "Lurker" t-shirt might help - that way I can get that right out of the way, no one will expect to know me, right? (Given the short notice, maybe it'd be easier to find someone who could whip up a button or something?) Or maybe we should stake out and designate a Lurker's Corner or something, where we not-so-extrovertish lurkers can get our lurk on in the shallow end before venturing into the deeper waters where all the cool kids hang out?

I'd really like to feel more at ease and possibly make some friends among Portland Mefites, but I'm feeling some anxiety already and beginning to have second thoughts about going. Any thoughts or suggestions on ways to mitigate anxiety and have a great time at tonight's meetup would be most welcome.

I feel like my relationshipper is broken.

SpecialK — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 20:41:12 -0800

I'm a 28 year old single guy living in a college town in the middle of nowhere. I moved here to date someone (and since broken up with her and dated several others), but now I'm staying because I've got a great job, a great living situation, and some good friends. Unfortunately, I'm really frustrated with dating. Every single guy who reads the above-the-fold on this question has probably already thought: "Dude, if you can't get laid in a college town in the middle of nowhere..."

And that's exactly the problem. I can get laid left right and center (ok, well, I could before I let my waistline go to hell, but that's returning) if I wanted, but I don't really want it anymore. I'm surrounded by a sea of pretty little undergrads and sophomorically sophisticated grad students, and I've got absolutely no desire whatsoever to make their daddies hate me.

There's two parts to the puzzle. The first is that I finally sought medical/psych help last year for anxiety and depression, and this year, it's working. I used to self-medicate with alcohol and casual sex and I no longer drink alcohol. (As a result, I'm in bars a lot less.) The second is that earlier this year, I met (via Craigslist) a wonderful grad student and we ended up hooking up and having a wonderfully comfortable relationship of equals... and if I'm going to get into something, that's what I want. I just don't know how to get it. I could find all the sex I want if I wanted it. I don't want it anymore. I want that other thing, the thing I can't even describe, without having to deal with the drama and immaturity that's a consequence of dating someone who's eight years or so younger.

The woman I dated earlier this year moved away to do her postdoc, and while we've stayed in touch, aren't as close as we were... and weren't a perfect match anyway, just a convenient and comfortable one. Ok, put a gun to my head: Whenever we were together in the house or out on the town, we created kind of this bubble of calm and peace together. It really only worked when we were together, but even if we were just in the same room doing different things completely, it just made life feel smooth and crisp like a good set of freshly washed sheets.

Craigslist, by the way, is no longer a good way to meet people in the area. Match.com and other typical avenues are exhausted partially because this is a relatively small town where everyone pretty much knows each other, so people are MUCH less willing to post their pictures, and partially because all of these services seem to have become giant spam generators.

Other issues ... This area is also heavily red-state religious/conservative, and I'm decidedly blue-state FSM/left-leaning-libertarian. I've got friends (I do canine rescue volunteering, hang out with some people from a web forum, and have plenty of grad student & staff friends that are my age) but none of them are female & single or likely to be able to hook me up with anyone.

There just doesn't seem to be many older, single women in this town that match (or even can deal with) my religious beliefs, don't have kids, aren't seriously messed up barflies, or so on so forth. I've tried the dating in bigger cities an hour's drive away thing, but didn't seem to meet anyone willing to do it ... go figure. Part of it is probably that the women in this town are doing the same thing I am, which means they are never anywhere where I can find them... which leads me to...

So why am I still here? I can meet my financial goals by staying in this town. I have an easy commute, a yard for the dogs, I have an easy job that doesn't force me to work 80 hours a week, I have plenty of time for hobbies and social events. If I stay on track this year, I can be a homeowner next year and could even have it entirely paid for a few years later. My life goal is to be independently (if frugally) wealthy so that I can pursue my hobbies as I wish. I can get there far easier by staying here as opposed to moving to a larger community. Back on the other hand, in regards to making the decision to stay here, I feel like I'm being pressured into making a choice between pursuing the life I've always wanted independently and actively pursuing something that I got only a taste of and now want more of.

If I had to summarize all of this, I guess I'd say: I seem to have finally grown the hell up. What do I do now?

Should I dump my boyfriend before he dumps me?

beth — Fri, 04 Aug 2006 07:31:28 -0800

Should I dump my boyfriend before he dumps me? Background: we're both bipolar, and have been dating for just over a year. We met on Craigslist, heh.

We were closer at the beginning of our relationship - we had a little sex (which quickly subsided - we're both heavily medicated and it was just frustrating, and both our sex drives are low/nonexistent), and I spent lots of time over at his apartment, yadda yadda. Nowadays, not so much. I got a new computer, so sitting on his couch using my laptop held little appeal for me anymore. He got a new apartment recently, and I've hardly been there at all. The walk up the steps is unpleasant, and the parking is a pain (stupid pillars everywhere, the whole building is erected upon them). And frankly, I just don't feel like going.

He's been really nice to me, putting up with my not-functioning-very-well bullshit (medication changes are so lovely to deal with), and I putting up with his. He's a sensitive, caring guy, who is smart, reasonable, and respectful.

But then there was this big outburst on July 4th, when we were at his friend's house, and a whole room of people (about 7 of us) were against him in an argument about the labeling of non-GMO food, and then someone made an obnoxious comment and the bf blew a gasket, ran out, slammed the door, and spent the next four hours pouting in my car. We continued with the fireworks without him, and yeah, I went to the car and asked if he was okay, was there anything I could do, etc. He just wanted to be left alone. Anyway, that whole deal didn't sit well with me, but I more or less got over it, and chalked it up to him having a bad day.

Then, over two weeks ago, he calls, having a difficult time, and wanting me to come over. I'm in the middle of a 20-man raid playing WoW, and I say, "Okay, I'll come over, but I'll be letting my raid down." In response, I get a shouted "FUCK YOU!", he hangs up, and that's the last I have heard his voice.

A few brief text messages back and forth, a couple voicemails I left for him, and one email in each direction have been it since then. During part of this I didn't hear a single thing from him for about 5 days, and wondered whether he was in the hospital (or dead).

In his email, he states things in a way that leads me to believe he's going to break it off. At this point I'm pretty miffed that he hasn't apologized to me or tried to clear the air in any way, and didn't even communicate at all for a pretty big chunk of time.

I've been giving him space because in the past that's been what he has needed (and asked for) when he's had difficult emotional times, otherwise I would have been making more effort to contact him and so forth (as it is I was feeling like I was just bugging him with what little I did).

I think it's pretty clear we're not meeting each other's emotional needs at this point. We're little more than friends right now, anyway. And perhaps we're both so messed up that we each need someone "normal" or at least stronger to be in a relationship with, if it's even appropriate or healthy for either of us to be in a relationship at all.

At this point, I have pretty much given up and am not considering dating after this, but this does not trouble me.

I just got an email that he is ready to meet, and wants to see me tonight. I am considering telling him that it's just not working and it's over, before he tells me. Or maybe it will be mutual, anyway. I'm going to have to put it off at least a day anyway, since my daughter is visiting and I really don't think it would be remotely appropriate for her to be around when we have "the talk".

Anyway... I'm pretty sure it's over, and not recoverable, and... I dunno, I was just wondering whether I'm being reasonable or not. And I note that I haven't once mentioned how I feel about him - I guess I love him, but not very strongly, and this may be due in part to having medication issues, or it may be indicative of something more. I'm not sure.

This has gone on too long already, sorry.

The Origin of "meh"?

WCityMike — Tue, 17 May 2005 10:40:40 -0800

Can anyone provide me with the origin of the word "meh"? I mean, yeah, definition-wise, it almost undoubtedly comes from "ehh." My sister first used it, then I picked it up -- and I started seeing it used by bloggers and other people as well. But all in all, it seems a relatively recent phrase.

But I suppose I'm curious as to how "ehh" became "meh" -- who coined the expression, what community it came from, etc., and when. Did it originate from the 'Net? From an author?

I suppose I'm curious about the path the meme took across the blogosphere -- its history. (Ah, two ultra-cliche words in one sentence: "meme" and "blogosphere".)

Dumb question, perhaps, but not the dumbest ever asked on Ask MeFi, I'm sure. ;-)