Ask MetaFilter posts tagged with meetingpeople

Guy sees girl in a bar... Then what?

eas98 — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 11:38:49 -0800

How do guys meet girls in bars/lounges/clubs, etc? I know that's what's supposed to happen in these places, but, really, just how does it work?

Guy sees girl. Girl sees guy. Eye contact is made. Then...? Is the guy supposed to just walk up to her and say something? What?

I realize that I am shy by nature, but I can't imagine what the guy's supposed to say in a situation like this.. Yeah, I know, just say 'Hi'. Is it really that simple? And then what? Of note here is that I am very lacking in small-talk skill, but I am otherwise very comfortable in places like this and would like to develop some, for want of a better term, pick-up skills..

I'll be happy to hear input from guys on this, but what I'm really interested in is the female perspective. Mefi-females, what do you expect to have happen when you're in a bar/club and you see a guy you're interested in?

Thank you.

Hi, I'm AWKWARD! (But how awkward am I?)

Anonymous — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 09:19:27 -0800

Do people with under-developed social skills know that their skills need work? If so, how? I’ve had trouble making and keeping friends throughout my life, from childhood, though high school and college and now into adulthood and the workplace. I only recently realized this pattern-- I’ve always been consumed by my work and always told myself that I could have friends if I wanted to make time for them. Turns out that might not be true.

Now I’m trying to figure out why people don’t seem to seek out my company, or don’t seem to enjoy spending time with me. I’m pretty sure that I’m no more awkward than your average nerd… But it recently occurred to me that lacking social skills would probably prevent me from, uh, knowing that I lack social skills. Hence my question: could I be completely socially inept and just not know it?

Some pertinent points:
-I feel pretty confident saying that I don’t have Asperger’s or the like. (I worked in social services for some time, am highly emotional, and I think I do well with “reading people” and navigating internal politics.)

-I get very nervous in social situations and become afraid that I’ll say the wrong thing. That, coupled with a diagnoses of Adult ADD (and the impulse control problems that come with it) means that I often *do* say the wrong thing. Never hurtful things-- more like jokes that turn out not to be funny, or revealing things I shouldn’t have.

-I’m shy and tend to be quiet around new people-- largely out of nervousness (see above). Do people just think I’m unfriendly?

What else should I be looking for? And do you guys have any advice for remedying this?

Since I can’t send anonymous thank yous, I thank you now, MeFites.

How do I meet interesting people in Vancouver?

MaxK — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 16:58:14 -0800

Help me meet geeks in Vancouver! New in town from the states, and I'm looking for new friends locally. I read all the old AskMe's, but most are concerned with what to do in Vancouver rather than where to go to meet intelligent people. Tried Meetup.com with mixed success, but I'm afraid most people I'd meet that way will be older and less rambunctious than me. Hobbies include web/software design, drinking and occasional physical things like parkour or hiking. Where do all the geeks moon?

Advice for a first time conference goer?

saraswati — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:56:50 -0800

I'm going to my first conference and am looking for some general tips/advice from veteran conference goers As part of my goal to finally go to a conference I decided to attend Ontario Linux Fest this year. I'm generally shy but would like to try and use the conference as a networking opportunity as well as a learning experience. It's a single day event with a reception afterwards, so it's fairly mild as far as conference schedules go. Can any of the more experienced conference people give some general tips as to how I can maximize both my learning and my networking experiences?

As an aside, if anyone is going to Ontario Linux Fest 2007 and wants to meet up feel free to drop me a line.

Thanks!

Any advice for this shut-in after moving to Fort Lauderdale?

Green With You — Sun, 23 Sep 2007 09:09:29 -0800

About six weeks ago I moved to Fort Lauderdale, Florida for work. I'm just about completely settled in and now have the difficult task of meeting people. What can I do? I graduated from college last April and, after a little difficulty finding work, I got a job in Florida after having lived my entire life in Michigan. Anyway, after thinking it over in my head I realized I've never made friends outside of school. I live with a coworker that I knew in school (he let me know about the job) and he's alright, but he's no better at meeting people than I am. There are a few other coworkers there in my age bracket, but they're more into MMORPGs.

Pretty much all my current hobbies are very solitary: reading, playing on computer, video games... I can see how these can become group hobbies in the right circumstances, I guess. I've been interested in music for awhile (used to play in high school and college band) and want to take up guitar. I would like (eventually) to make short films with friends. And I'm alright with going to see live music of local groups, but have no idea where to start looking to get into that 'scene' (don't really care for the term). I think the music I'm most inclined to see would be something akin to 'indie rock'.

To top it off, I'm pretty insecure around new people and... I guess 'anxious' would be a good description. People say I act nervous, even when I don't feel nervous. Although I do get nervous more than I probably should. I can talk to strangers, but mostly just one-on-one. I used to be very depressed, but now I mainly feel pretty good about who I am as a person. I don't really want to be very outgoing, just enough so I can meet a few new people a month and have a small group of close friends.

Any advice for this insecure shut-in?

How can I be less misanthropic and get people to like me more?

Anonymous — Thu, 24 May 2007 10:05:09 -0800

How can I be less misanthropic and get people to like me more? I'd like to know strategies for becoming less annoyed with people and thus increasing my desire to interact with them more. I can tend to be somewhat misanthropic and would like to change this. I wouldn't say that I "hate" people, but just that a lot of people tend to annoy me to an extent where I sometimes want to avoid interacting with them or make the interactions as brief as possible. This occurs almost primarily with people who I don't know at all (i.e., strangers) or those who I don't know very well. Once I get to know people, I actually tend to like most people a lot and, in the absence of any horribleness, even be very optimistic in my assessment of people; that is, I'll overlook quite a few annoying / bad personality traits and focus on the positive aspects of someone with whom I'm acquainted.

This misanthropy toward strangers has two negative effects that I'd like to address: First, I frequently feel an almost constant, low-grade state of annoyance when I'm in a public place with lots of strangers. Something as simple as a walk down the sidewalk can get annoying when people are walking toward me (on the wrong side), talking loudly on their cell phone, or yelling. In general, I tend to dislike anything that is loud or rude. However, I recognize that this is somewhat unavoidable in public situations and wish that I didn't notice it so much. I also realize that the vast majority of the people who annoy me don't intend to do so and that I shouldn't judge them because of it.

The second consequence of these feelings is that most of the time I have a hard time making new friends. I'm actually very social, and have a fairly large group of really great friends (albeit spread about the country) who I love to spend time with. However, making new friends involves interacting more with strangers, something that I often have no desire to do, given the aforementioned feelings. I should also mention that every once in a while I'll enter a super-social zone where I am not annoyed by people and have no problem talking to strangers / making new friends. I guess I'm looking for advice on how to get myself into this mindset more often and avoiding becoming annoyed over little things that don't matter. Thanks for reading.

meeting new people in dc

jare2003 — Tue, 28 Nov 2006 21:18:27 -0800

moving back to dc, and looking to meet new people - but trying to stay AWAY from the mass of transient young professionals everywhere. I know this question, to some degree has been asked before on MeFi, but I wanted to take it a bit deeper.

I'm recently settling back into the DC area - got a great job in Dupont, and about to move to an apartment in Mt. Pleasant (like the neighborhood, and lots of family nearby).

I do like DC a lot, plan to stay here for good (both personal and job reasons), and am quite familiar with it - but i haven't been living here for quite some time and I don't know lots of people.

The one frustration I have with DC is that as a newcomer, the most immediate groups of people around tend to be other professionals through work or similar avenues. They tend to be really transient here, coming in, staying for a few years, and then moving on. They also tend to be all middle class backgrounds and predominately white. That's not bad in and of itself, but i'm just used to having a much more diverse group of friends.

My friends that grew up in this area I like a lot, but I've just met them randomly. I know I will meet people, but I'm fishing for suggestions on going places and meeting people where everyone isn't an upward bound professional focused on their career and/or more schooling.

(For instance, I made a number of good friends from when I went to Northern Virginia Community College - unfortunately, I'm a DC resident now. I was also thinking that I might have more luck in MD/VA, as suburban Maryland/Virginia residents tend to be more rooted.

Any thoughts would be welcome - i know this question is pretty vague...

Where should I start over (in life)?

necessitas — Tue, 01 Aug 2006 07:41:40 -0800

Where should I start over (in life)? I am just coming out of a long term relationship. I don't have very many friends (and the ones I do are scattered around the country). I've spent the past y years moving around quite a bit, so I don't have a support system in any one particular area. So I am pretty much figuring out how to start over from scratch, with almost no support system and no real direction. My family have all moved away from the city and state in which I grew up (Miami, FL), so "moving back home" isn't an option, either. I don't have many friends, but the few I do have are all married, settled into their lives and scattered around the country. I didn't put down any roots in the area where I lived for the past 3 years (the whole boyfriend-is-my-life thing, I'm ashamed to admit), so staying in that area isn't an option (not to mention the fact that it is dull, near-rural with cow pastures as far as the eye can see).

If you were in your early 30's and feeling sort of unanchored, where would you go to start over? I am looking for a place that does have interesting culture and nightlife, something more affordable than LA or NY and a place where it would be easy to meet new people as an early 30's transplant. I prefer city to suburba, but I guess I wouldn't really mind if I lived in an interesting suburban area with lots going on. My dream area is somewhere with good public transportation (I realize that almost every area in the country has public transportation, but it isn't really used as a preferred mode of transport in most places) and/or plenty of things in walking distance so I could walk to coffee shops, bars, etc. My dream city is actually London, however, since I am a US citizen, that isn't even an option (not to mention cost of living).

Some options are NOVA/DC area or Phoenix. The Northern Virginia area is where my mother now lives. However, I have never heard great things about the area. People are constantly saying that it is a transient area, hard to meet people, etc. I don't know if this is reality or not (for the record, it is where I am staying at the moment while I figure out my next move). My sister lives in Phoenix and likes it. I don't know if it is the place for me or not, I really don't know much about it.

I like interesting cities like Portland, OR and Asheville, NC, but I'm not sure either cities are ideal to live in. I must admit, one of the main reasons I am hesitant about Portland is due to all the discouraging responses I've read here on AskMe about moving to portland. Asheville, while I love it, seems like a better place to visit than live.

Some specifics: early 30's, single, female. I don't really have much of an established career. I used to have a career in market research, but I haven't done much with it in the past 5 years. I presently have a fledgling business, but working for yourself is a bit isolating so I am afraid I will have to give that up for a 9-5 in order to fit into a new area. If that is the case, I will need to move to an area where I will be able to find a job (another fear about portland). For fun, I like yoga, shopping, museums, bookstores, nightlife . . . that sort of thing. I like some outdoorsy/adventure/nature type activities, but not on a daily basis.

I am not a "joiner" or an outgoing person, but I realize that new friends aren't going to fall from the sky. Thus, my new location would have to have lots of opportunities for me to meet other people in their 30s, as opposed to plenty of opportunities for new college grads, people in their early-mid 20s to meet other people. Additionally, in this area, early 30's and single needs to be the norm. So, Salt Lake City is out (not that it was ever an option to begin with, I am not LDS). For the past 3 years, I lived in lancaster where people get married and start having famlies either right out of high school or right out of college. Nothing wrong with it, but it will makes it hard to meet other like-minded friends/dates. Finally, I neither belong to nor plan to join a religious organization, so I won't be meeting people through church/temple/mosque.

Ok, so now you have all the specifics, where should I start over from scratch. Also, I am feeling a bit like an alien, in my thirties with few friends, no support system and totally not "established," so if you have experienced this as well, anecdotes are welcome.

How can a homebody meet intelligent platonic and romantic female friends?

Anonymous — Sat, 11 Mar 2006 18:54:47 -0800

Male introverts, homebodies, and my nerdy brethren, how did you meet your female friends? Your female significant others? How can I? I feel a strong lack of estrogen in my life. I have no strong, local female friend connections. None of my local female friends share my interests strongly, and none of them are dependable. None of them actively try to involve me in activies. I'd like to make some new female friends, who are interested in being close platonic friends, and share my interests.

I'd also like a girlfriend. I've been single for a year now, and none of the women I've gone on dates with have interested me.

I'm a 22 year old college student. I've got a year left at a large university, unfortunately I have no classes with any significant amount of women (16 total in the past 2 semesters out of 8 classes). I'm not unattractive, I'm not out of shape, but I'm no model.

Where did you make your friends, and find your significant other?

Where can I make interesting, INTELLIGENT female friends, and perhaps find a girlfriend?

A question regarding people's reaction to foreign-looking people.

questionmark — Fri, 24 Feb 2006 19:43:03 -0800

A question regarding people's reaction to foreign-looking people. Say you're at a social gathering. There are two people equidistant from you, looking equally interesting, approachable, friendly etc..., except one looks native, and one looks foreign. Who would you choose to approach?

Would you choose the native, because you assume the person who looks foreign probably does not speak your language, or would probably have less things in common with you? Would you choose the person who looks more foreign, because you're more attracted to someone exotic or different? Or would it be just a random choice?

I'm interested in both your instinctive choice and your thoughtful choice, if they happen to be different.