Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with materialism

I Can't Get No Satisfaction

Fairchild — Thu, 21 May 2009 07:39:59 -0800

How to you curb your desire for material goods? I'm pretty good at not succumbing to shopping for things I can't afford or don't need. Lately I have been wanting to buy, buy, buy! I want new things for my house. I want new furniture and artwork and other expensive things that are not in the cards right now. I'm not broke, it's just not in the budget.

My house is pretty nice and I don't need anything. I have a lot of new things that I bought last year. How can I stop wanting to purchase even more new things? I have a problem with never being satisfied. If I bought a beautiful print or piece of furniture, next week I would want something else. If I redid my kitchen I would hate my bathroom, etc.

Can you point me to blog entries, articles, and advice that inspire simplicity? Intellectually I know things can't make me happy but I still want and have anxiety that things aren't as nice as they should be. Bonus for tips and advice to change or improve rooms with very little cash. Thanks.

Upgrade Me!

Balonious Assault — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 21:03:22 -0800

Can you suggest some replacements for standard, everyday household items that are far superior in terms of usefulness, luxuriousness and quality? A while back I got some Egyptian cotton bed linens with a ridiculously high thread count, and now I sleep like a baby and wonder how I ever got a full night's sleep on anything else. Another time I bought an expensive water-resistant fabric liner for my shower curtain, because I needed a liner and it was the only thing they had at the store. Now I'll never go back to the yucky vinyl liners. A few months ago my shower head broke, and I replaced it with a removable hand-held massaging shower wand, which has drastically improved the quality of my shower time.

What other upgrades should I consider? There are some excellent ideas in these threads but money isn't necessarily an object, nor am I really looking for new items to add to my collection of stuff. Just top quality upgrades for ordinary household items. The more specific, the better. Thanks!

How do I stop judging people?

abdulf — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 07:24:47 -0800

How do I stop judging people and relate to them as equals? I noticed the people I really admire are those who are respected by a diverse group of people.

I suppose they have charisma. They're usually confident, polite, good listeners. They make the people they talk to feel important. They give compliments that feel sincere. However, they also have an ability to relate to people I wouldn't imagine being in their social circles.

They aren't particularly wealthy, smart, beautiful or powerful. They seem to be comfortable with everyone. It's like they talk to a complete stranger and they've known them for years. Perhaps they would be great politicians but lack the interest for that kind of work.

Anyway, I would like to be this kind of person. I think it would make for a more interesting and fulfilling life, to be able to connect better with more people.

I've been able to do this when traveling. I think it's because I was an outsider and I didn't know the rules of the society and the usual cues were not there. I talked to everyone and everyone talked to me. I was also interested in people because it was another culture.

However, back at home, in the US, I have trouble continuing this.

I know I have this issue where I judge people and that subtly works into how I relate to people. For example, I have a graduate degree, and some part of my brain ranks me as being better than someone with less education. I have friends with just a high school education but even they admit that in first impressions, I gave off a vibe that I was better than them. (see what I did there? "just" a high school education. I gotta stop!) Another example is money. I claim that money doesn't matter, but I feel like I'm more interested in the person driving a Mercedes than someone who pulls up in a Honda. At the same time, I loathe the person in the Mercedes for conspicuous consumption while admiring the Honda driver for practicality. But why can't I seem to ignore the car they drive?

I know prejudice and stereotyping helps us survive, but I'm not sure these are the kinds of prejudices that are helpful.

So I need to work on these first impressions. I find people interesting, but these judgments are causing me to give off subtle cues that make people feel less trusting or less likely to reciprocate. In other words, when I talk to someone, I'm coming to them as someone above them or someone below them.

It's hard to say what I am specifically doing to convey this. I know I'm the kind of person that has to believe in something to portray it convincingly. So what can a relatively ambitious person read, think about or do on a daily basis to eliminate or better control these judging thoughts?

How do I combat these, materialistic (for the lack of a better word), prejudices that impair my current and potential relationships?

How do I stop thinking I'm better or worse than other people so that I can get along with different people?

(note: I'm not worried about people judging me. Well I am, sorta, but there are metafilter posts on that. I'm concerned with my judgment of others)

Mine is Bigger Than Yours

uxo — Fri, 16 May 2008 11:03:25 -0800

How to deal with ultra-competitive people I meet regularly with a group of people consisting of friends and acquaintances.

Salary-wise, I don't make as half as much as the others do. Just to be clear, I am normally a very content person, happy with the choices I'm making in my life. I am also genuinely happy when someone gets a raise or is doing financially well for themselves.

I feel bad, however, when someone will talk about how much they make, then turn to me, and say "and how much are you making these days?" Or ask about my own car, or home, right after they boast about their own purchases, waiting eagerly for my answer.

I was quite taken aback when I was first asked these types of questions, but this seems to be a standard type of exchange for at least 3 individuals in the group. What bugs me is that does not seem like the asker is concerned about my well-being, but using it to gauge their own success, and perhaps give themselves a little ego boost.

Am I making too much of this? How do I not let this bother me? Sometimes I think, "gads, how obnoxious", but I also wonder if I'm being overly sensitive. Because if I truly didn't care about competing, why do I feel like crap during these exchanges? Do you have any experiences with this? And how would you respond?

Just more subtle forms of consumerism?

Foci for Analysis — Sun, 20 Jan 2008 08:53:08 -0800

How to find balance between consumerism and materialism, and taking care of needs and appreciate quality/craftsmanship/design? divabat's AskMe got me thinking. I often find myself asking if I really need to purchase this particular item, be it clothes, food, books, music, gadgets, etc. I don't think I buy a lot of unnecessary things, my budget doesn't allow me to, but I find myself wanting a lot and rationalize about buying them by telling myself that it's about quality, good design, craftsmanship, art/culture. However, I ask myself: isn't this just a more subtle form of consumerism?

I realize that certain things are essential for living a decent and meaningful life, e.g. clothes on your back, healthy food, books, etc. But where do you draw the line between needs (I really need this) and wants (Do I really need this)? For example, are expensive quality shoes about filling a need or just about wanting? How about kitchen accessories such as knifes or appliances that cost a lot? Or clothes made by indie producers (they do cost)? (These are just examples of things that I obsess about; i don't necessarily buy them.)

So I'm wondering how you people deal with thoughts like these. Also, being a bookworm, I would really like to read some literature (preferably research papers) on the topic that could bring clarity and needed perspectives. Thanks.

On not storing up for ourselves treasures on earth.

4ster — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 18:25:23 -0800

Please recommend some books to me that deal with simplifying life and combating materialism from a Christian perspective. I'm looking for both modern writings as well as classics. I'm a United Methodist pastor who is about to teach a class (very) loosely based on Albert Y. Hsu's The Suburban Christian: Finding Spiritual Vitality in the Land of Plenty. It's a pretty good book, but it's more of a geography/demographics book than a spiritual one.

This class will be comprised of mainly theiry-somethings with young children living in pretty affluent suburbs. Some have been practicing Christians for a long time, others for a short time. We are a moderate to liberal United Methodist congregation. However, I believe that everyone (including me) could benefit from some basic (yet oft forgotten) Christian spiritual disciplines, such as prayer, fasting, giving things away, and simplifying.

Thanks for your help.

Will you marry me (even if I don't spend 2 months of my salary on a ring)?

mpls2 — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 14:07:05 -0800

How common is it for couples to get married without an expensive engagement ring? Basically, because of my background and general worldview, I think the idea of an expensive diamond engagement ring is... absurd. Kind of like going to church on Sunday: traditional and pointless. Using the money for a down payment on a house or investing it for retirement seems so obviously more sensible that I'm wondering why everybody but the rich doesn't do it.

I know I'm not alone in thinking this, but I'm wondering how common it is for couples to forgo an expensive engagement ring. Sources, anecdotes, and opinions are welcome.

Thanks!

Help! I'm a stuffaholic.

Metroid Baby — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 16:24:05 -0800

I’m not materialistic, just far too attached to my worldly possessions. How can I break my addiction to stuff? I have too much stuff, and I keep accumulating more. A lot of it is stuff I don’t really need: tchotchkes, clothes and accessories I rarely wear, perfume and makeup in quantities beyond what I can reasonably use. I’m both a shopaholic and a packrat, and on top of it all, I’m terribly disorganized and often can’t figure out where to even put all my stuff. I’d like to have less, but my attempts to simplify, clean things out, or stick to a budget never work out in the long run. I’ve given away countless boxes and bags full of things I don’t need, but I can never pare my belongings down to "just the essentials," and I inevitably accumulate more than enough stuff to make up for what I’ve discarded.

The thing is, I love stuff. I love getting it and I can’t bring myself to get rid of it. I’d rather go shopping than see a movie or go out drinking or read a great book. Even a visit to the supermarket has me running around like a magpie on ecstasy. Gifts with purchase, limited editions, attractive packaging, clearance racks – I’m a sucker for every marketing gimmick in the book, even though I know better. On the other hand, I’m much more hesitant to follow through with purchasing things I truly need: I can’t bring myself to spend $100 on a digital camera, even if I really want it, but I can drop the same amount of money on glittery makeup or yarn without much thought or regret.

Part of my immense pile of stuff stems from my creative nature. Nearly all of my hobbies have been hands-on, crafty things: I knit, crochet, draw, and dabble in several other crafts. I’m comfortable with having a large stash of art supplies if I know I’ll use them – I’m not a planner and like to have a bunch of different things on hand for inspiration. On the other hand, my stash grows faster than I can tackle it, and it gives me a too-easy excuse to make impulse purchases, and hang on to things longer than necessary, because "I know I’ll find something cool to do with this!!"

The bigger reason, I suspect, is that most of the objects I buy and own greatly appeal to my senses. They either look interesting, smell good, or are soft to the touch. I can spend a surprising amount of time experimenting with my dozens of colors of eyeshadow or sniffing all of my perfumes. (Does this make me weird?) I also have a very short attention span with my things: I will love the fragrance of one soap today, but in a week I’ll find a soap that I think smells even better. I can’t imagine accessorizing in neutrals or sticking to one signature scent for years. I wonder if the solution may involve finding another way to stimulate my senses, but I can’t imagine what a good substitute would be.

I have a feeling that I could successfully curb my impulse buying and finally get organized if I could just get over my attachment to all my stuff. Or is it the other way around - should I tackle the clutter and the budget first? Either way, I don’t know what to do to change, or if it’s even possible. How can I learn to be happier with less?

Help me impart to a 15-year-old that material possessions aren't everything.

IndigoRain — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 21:08:59 -0800

Help me impart to a 15-year-old (not my child) that material possessions aren't everything. He's got so much and still wants more. I've been babysitting for my neighbor's 15-year-old since he was 6 months old. (Now, I watch his 3-year-old brother, and there is a 12-year-old sister too.) While I'm not his parent, I am somewhat of a major influence to him. We were having dinner the other night (myself and his family) and an interesting discussion ensued.

He asked his mom for some expensive item or another, and these facts were revealed. He owns 65 shirts (his mom counted a few weeks ago) from not-cheap stores like Hollister, all of which fit him. For Christmas, he got a 22-inch LCD TV for his bedroom, his parents put cable in both the kids' rooms, and he got a $300 cell phone (at full price because they already had a plan). They own a horse, which is stabled for $350 a month - he barely spends time with it, and he wants another one. His 18-month-old iPod Nano had a problem today (white lines across the screen), and when I offered to look it up on the internet to see if it was fixable, he said no, he'd rather have a new one, and immediately called his mom and asked for one. (She said not right now.) Last week he went to New York on the school's band & choir trip, which cost $1500. He's 15 and will be getting his permit this summer, and expects to get his dad's truck, and his dad to get a new truck. I don't think his dad has that planned.

The other night I was driving him somewhere, and he said, "You know what's cool? Getting your parents to buy you stuff." I didn't say anything, but because I watch the 3-year-old, I know that the family has debt collectors calling all day, since at least November. (The father told me it is just a disputed charge on a credit card... I don't know if that's true. I didn't ask - he volunteered the information.)

Is there any way I can impart to him that possessions aren't everything, and perhaps that he is very fortunate compared to other kids his age? I don't want to "cross the line" and embarrass the family about the debt collection. I know that some things aren't any of my business, but I'd just like a way to show him, "hey, you've got a lot of great stuff right now, don't be greedy."

Please help me with my struggle between materialism and minimalism.

Anonymous — Tue, 06 Mar 2007 08:58:50 -0800

This is not about me mistakingly thinking material possessions = happiness. (I don't.) And it's not about me running up credit card debt because of impulse shopping. (I haven't.) This is about my competing urges: materialism and minimalism. Mostly I try to pair down my belongings and live on less. But I never feel like I've paired down enough. I feel greedy for even having the stuff I have. But there's another part of me that does want that 46" Sony flat screen tv. That Pottery Barn sofa. That trendy $30 t-shirt that should really cost $3. These competing urges have rendered me unable to enjoy any purchase I make or don't make.

An example:

Recently, my computer broke and I had to buy a new one. I ended up getting a 20" Apple Imac. There's a part of me that feels guilty: Did I really need the 20"? No. Couldn't I have been happy with the 17"? I suppose. After traveling overseas and seeing people living in abject poverty, I feel guilty. I feel horrible, actually-- for the poor, for the starving, even for the workers in the Chinese factories earning pennies an hour to make me a stupid Imac. But how much can I do to help them? Don't I need some things to enjoy life a little?

But there's another part that secretly craves the bigger 24" Imac. So much screen real estate! So big and shiny! I know it wouldn't make me happier, wouldn't really change my life all that much but I still want it. I crave it! I secretly wish I'd bought it.

Is this normal?
How does one find a middle ground?
How do I find serenity from these two urges?

House Anxiety

LoriFLA — Tue, 09 Jan 2007 12:10:49 -0800

How can I stop caring so much about the appearance and status of my house and neighborhood? I don't know why I give a flip, or why it occupies my thoughts, but it does. Every few months feelings of inadequacy start to creep up regarding my house. Thoughts that it isn't good enough or large enough. Regrets that we didn't buy in a better neighborhood back when prices were dirt cheap and we could afford it.

My husband and I put a massive down payment on our house when we bought it eight years ago. We bought within our means, and in less than eight years it will be ours outright. Because of this we have a lot of financial freedom. We are able to travel and I don't have to work if I don't wish to. In spite of this, I am still disenchanted with our house.

I believe materialism and public perception are the main problems here. I feel that because we "settled" others and myself view it as laziness or lack of gumption to buy something bigger, nicer. Even a fixer-upper on a bigger piece of property or closer to the water.

I am sort of embarrassed by this question. I don't want to come off as a materialistic, unsatisfied brat. The house is newish, in a nice, quiet neighborhood. Most of the time I feel that life is good here, I am very fortunate. But these bad feelings about my house continue to be present.

Moving is not an option, since my very practical husband doesn't wish to move, and logically I can't blame him.

How can I get over this ridiculous thinking and become more content with my house?

Why shouldn't I go to law school?

JamesJD — Sat, 28 Oct 2006 22:44:04 -0800

What are some legitimate reasons for attending law school? I am a first-year in college, and I'm fairly convinced that I want to be a lawyer. I've thought through my reasons for this career choice, and I think they are pretty solid. But it seems as though every reason a person could possibly conceive of gets shot down repeatedly by unsatisfied, patronizing lawyers and ex-lawyers (for one of many examples see http://www.tuckermax.com/archives/entries/should_i_go_to_law_school_the_speech_text.phtml).

Here are some of the most common reasons and rebuttals:

1. I want to make the world a better place
-There are plenty of opportunities to do this in other professions, and more often than not, well-intentioned 1Ls end up working at morally suspect firms.
2. I want to make a lot of money
-People working at firms are often miserable. The seductive salaries at a select few corporate firms are apparently not a sufficient reason.
3. I like law, it interests me
-Lay individuals don't know enough about law - or about how it is studied in law school and practiced on a daily basis - to make an informed decision about this
4. I like to argue
-An argumentative disposition is (probably deservedly) criticized as a poor reason

Here are my reasons in no particular order:

1. I'm very materialistic. Money matters a lot to me, and I want to make a lot of money in an area that does not entail a lot of risk. The alternatives are medicine, consulting, finance, and entrepreneurial ventures. The last three seem too risky, and I despise medicine.
2. I've read a lot about the law, and I enjoy it. In addition to the wholly unrepresentative constitutional law sections taught as part of US History, I regularly read Supreme Court decisions, books on abstract legal theory (Law's Empire, The Common Law), and less theoretical books (by Posner, Sunstein, and Dershowitz)
3. I'm smart (enough), organized, and hardworking. I will be very disappointed if I'm not attending one of the following schools: Yale, Harvard, Stanford, NYU, Columbia, U. Chicago. I'm taking a lot of precautions to help ensure this. I am currently attending an ivy-league institution. I've read a lot about law school admissions and I have a healthy and balanced selection of classes involving plenty of writing. In addition, I'm participating some, but not too many extra-curriculars, and I may end up interning for a legal services organization. I'm also seeking out internships that pertain to my eventual areas of interest (Libertarian public policy and entrepreneurship with China).
4. For what it's worth, I am a very critical person. I love thought-exercises that involve parsing phrases for meaning, and analogies for correlation. I debated with some success in high school and I generally like activities that involve applying sets of rules to diverse circumstances (e.g. mathematics, logic, economics)
5. I have a clear picture of where I would want to go with my degree. I would want to clerk for a year and then work as a corporate counsel or a corporate lawyer in a very big city. If a judgeship or faculty teaching position came along after a few dozen years I might take it.

Are any of these legitimate reasons? If not, why not? What are some legitimate reasons, pray tell?

How do you cultivate gratitude?

catesbie — Fri, 10 Jun 2005 12:11:55 -0800

Do you have ways to put your life into perspective and force yourself to appreciate that you're really pretty privileged? Or do you allow yourself to get bored and solipsistic and desirous of more (material or otherwise) stuff? Even though I have good friends, make a decent living, have had untold strokes of luck and unfair advantages every step of the way (being born a middle-class American ain't a bad place to begin), I never feel like I really appreciate new bits of good fortune for very long before I find something to be discontent with. One's material desires always seem just to exceed one's available income, for example, no matter how much more you're making this year than last. Do you ever manage to shut yourself up for a second and realize that you've really got it relatively good? If so, how? Does exposure to media help or make things worse? And do you think religious people are somehow better equipped to do this than the rest of us?