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I don't want sex with my husband. What should I do?

Four years ago I married a great guy. We've been together a total of eight years. Sometime around when we got married...maybe a little before, I stopped wanting sex with him. I dreaded it on our wedding night/honeymoon. At first I thought it was just a phase, something to do with wedding planning burnout and general nerves. Four years later, it's even worse than it was. Otherwise, we have a good relationship, I think. We have everything in common, a shared worldview, good communication. Because of the sexual issue, we have talked numerous times about separating. I guess what I can't figure out is, why this has happened, and if our entire relationship is worth ending over it. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 20, 2012 - 80 answers

It's all just a game.

I need an Ask sanity check about something in my relationship that is driving me crazy. My husband has a planned activity every other weekend, and my mounting frustration with the situation is becoming harder for me to ignore. But is it really something that I should be this upset about? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 20, 2012 - 60 answers

My wife confessed to being molested as a child and I am not sure how to respond

I've been married to my wife for a few years, but she confessed to me recently that a neighbor molested her when she was a child. How can I respond to this in a helpful, supportive way? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 17, 2012 - 33 answers

I don't want to be a psycho bride to be

[Psycho Filter] - I love him. He loves me. We intend to get married next year. YAY! But it feels like a really long time away. Help me to be patient and enjoy the anticipation and build up, because right now I am suffocating in a world of "OMG CAN WE PLZ GET MARRIED YESTERDAY!" eagerness. [more inside]
posted by gwenlister on May 16, 2012 - 28 answers

I don't need this.

I am happily married, but I'm having trouble dealing with an ex who dumped me and now regrets it. Please help me not put my marriage at risk. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 12, 2012 - 38 answers

Maid of Honor drama

While planning my totally drama-free wedding, I'm having drama with my maid of honor and at this point I'm not sure whether I should even have a maid of honor. Advice, please! [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 11, 2012 - 88 answers

Ring? Check. Girlfriend? Check. Now what do I do?

Me and my girlfriend are going to get engaged in a couple of weeks and both decided that we would rather avoid a formal proposal. Instead, we will spend a day together at the beach and magically emerge engaged. Given the fact that the surprise quirky engagement is off the table, any ideas for how I can make this an even-less forgettable day? Bonus question: What are the technical things that you regret missing from when you got engaged? More pictures? Who to tell first? What am I missing?
posted by anonymous on May 6, 2012 - 18 answers

How to determine immigration status of ex-wife after immigration/marriage fraud?

I, a U.S. citizen, married a foreign national some time ago and helped her obtain conditional permanent resident status as a result of the marriage. I subsequently discovered that she had no intent of engaging in a legitimate marital relationship with me and, instead, had married me for the sole purpose of becoming a permanent resident of the United States. Upon this discovery, I filed for an annulment but was instead granted a divorce (details inside). My immigrant ex-wife will soon need to apply (via the I-751 process) to convert her "conditional" permanent resident status to "true" permanent resident status if she wishes to remain in the United States legally (which she does). I do not know whether she will be granted this status, but I would like to find out whether or not she does attain it. Does anyone have any ideas as to how I might find this out? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 1, 2012 - 11 answers

Housework Blues

I'm confused about how to equitably split up housework. I am messier than my spouse, and to him this means I should do all the housework. Help! [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 30, 2012 - 54 answers

Should I stay or should I go?

Husband's mental health problems led him to compulsively spend over £27,000 (about $44,000) while I supported both of us for three years. I know he'll work hard on therapy, but I don't know if I should divorce him. Should I try and forgive? [warning, long!] [more inside]
posted by TriparteGoddess on Apr 29, 2012 - 62 answers

I’m looking for advice on how to handle an unexpected separation from my husband.

I’m looking for advice on how to handle an unexpected separation from my husband. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 27, 2012 - 52 answers

Separated from wife, got involved with someone else, should I reconcile with my wife?

I've been separated from my wife for over six months. During that time I got involved with someone else, but now I'm thinking about going back to my wife. Please tell me I'm not making a mistake. [more inside]
posted by quoth_the_raven on Apr 23, 2012 - 53 answers

How to keep falling in love with my wife?

Resources on how to foster passion and "have fun" with your spouse? [more inside]
posted by ohsnapdragon on Apr 23, 2012 - 16 answers


Surprise marriage proposal filter, askee edition: how did you handle it and what did you notice your spouse doing a lot of before he/she proposed? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 20, 2012 - 20 answers

helping someone who survived war.

My SO went through trauma. They are starting to open up a bit and I don't know what to do, or even if I should do anything. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 17, 2012 - 13 answers

We need recommendations for an affordable couples' counselor in NYC.

My husband and I need recommendations for couples' counseling in NYC, Manhattan or Brooklyn, and would love something relatively affordable (under $120/session, if possible). [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 16, 2012 - 4 answers

How do I live with my very own power person?

Those who have read or are familiar with Mira Kirshenbaum's "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay:" recommend books / resources for dealing with my Power Person wife. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 16, 2012 - 20 answers

Breaking up is hard to do

I'm ending my marriage. How do I do it with kindness? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 9, 2012 - 25 answers

Another "should I get married?" question.

Why can't I control my stupid feelings? Love one guy, distracted by another, engaged to be married. Advice/personal experience? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 6, 2012 - 33 answers

Can I marry my Sister in Law?

Can I marry my Sister in Law? I have a question about second marriages that I would like to get some opinions on. I have been a widower now for 14 months. I am 61. My wife’s sister (my sister in law) has been a widow now for 4 years. She is 58. She and her husband and my wife and I were always very close. She has been an incredible friend this last year and helped me through my grieving process. We have been spending a moderate amount of time together. We get along famously and have similar interests. I have become very fond of her. Is it inappropriate for me to ask her about possible dating with a long term relationship and even marriage on my mind? Or is it appropriate? Oh by the way, neither of us has dated at all. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 5, 2012 - 42 answers

Help me navigate the untraditional wedding waters

Yay, we got married, it was awesome, perfect for us, we invited NO ONE! However, it is a first marriage for both us, who are each in our early thirties and I'm having a hard time reconciling competing ideas from friends, family, and even my silly head. Can you help me figure out to include our loved ones in the celebration in a way that is fun for everyone and stressful for no one? (This gets a little long and rambling) [more inside]
posted by stormygrey on Apr 3, 2012 - 26 answers

Another health insurance question...

Another health-insurance question - how to deal with an unexpected loss of coverage for my GF. Which of our options is best? [more inside]
posted by FreelanceBureaucrat on Mar 31, 2012 - 17 answers

When does introversion become unhealthy?

Is there something wrong with my husband with regard to his introversion? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 28, 2012 - 33 answers

How can I help my wife reduce her stress levels?

My wife is struggling with stress levels at work. How can I help her reduce them without patronising her, and at the same time stop being so selfish when dealing with her stress? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 21, 2012 - 8 answers

Facing divorce and depression

I'm lost. I'm facing divorce of my wife of 5 years. I've been with her for longer than that, 10, 12 years. We have a 3 year old son. I need help. How can one survive this? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 21, 2012 - 37 answers

Any hope?

My wife and I are becoming incompatible, can this be fixed or should I start thinking about heading for the exit [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 20, 2012 - 49 answers

Chicago Wedding Catering

Does anyone know any good caterers for a wedding in Chicago? [more inside]
posted by notswedish on Mar 17, 2012 - 5 answers

Clearly written CA marriage law?

Where can I find a readable, concise document outlining marriage laws in California? [more inside]
posted by JJkiss on Mar 15, 2012 - 4 answers

Help me keep helping my wife deal with long-term unemployment.

The psychological fallout of my wife's 13-month unemployment is going to make me crack. Please help me deal. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 14, 2012 - 31 answers

How do you convince someone to leave an abuser?

He says she's crazy, she says she's not. How to help a friend escape an abusive situation? [more inside]
posted by Chelsaroo650 on Mar 9, 2012 - 17 answers

The Quakers Have the Right Idea

Help me marry some folks! [more inside]
posted by *s on Mar 5, 2012 - 18 answers

Romantic gestures and suggestions

Romantic gestures [more inside]
posted by pakora1 on Mar 2, 2012 - 29 answers

How do I love better?

I really don't want to end up alone. What can I start doing to break this generational cycle? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 26, 2012 - 12 answers

Help me help my marriage.

Hitting a brick wall in my marriage and I would appreciate some different perspectives to help me figure out how to move forward. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 24, 2012 - 49 answers

Need marriage communication book recommendations

Need book recommendations for improving communication in marriage as a substitute for therapy [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 21, 2012 - 13 answers

How to prevent self sabotage?

Asking for a friend: How can a person get over a crippling anxiety of getting dumped? [more inside]
posted by stedman15 on Feb 20, 2012 - 11 answers

Will there be long term issues with dating/marrying someone 13 years older than me?

What long-term issues arise with marrying an older man? [more inside]
posted by Jade_bug on Feb 18, 2012 - 56 answers

We've only been dating for a few months. He doesn't want to get married, ever. I do. What now?

We've only been dating for a few months. He doesn't want to get married, ever. I do. What now? [more inside]
posted by anotheraccount on Feb 18, 2012 - 93 answers

Boundaries or ultimatums?

What is the difference between an ultimatum and a hard limit? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 16, 2012 - 44 answers

Should I try to get pregnant?

1 - Is it a good idea to get pregnant when a close loved one is dying? 2 - If I decide to do it, how can I get my husband off the fence? [more inside]
posted by thelastgirl on Feb 13, 2012 - 59 answers

help me help them work it out

Asking for a friend. Marriage counseling in the Arlington/DC area? Recommendations needed... [more inside]
posted by raztaj on Feb 12, 2012 - 1 answer

How do I file my special snowflake taxes?

Can my husband and I file our Federal taxes jointly, and our State taxes separately? [more inside]
posted by apricot on Feb 12, 2012 - 7 answers

Mrs. asnider will actually be Mrs. herownname, what problems might this cause?

Possible issues of not changing your last name when you get married, what might they be? [more inside]
posted by asnider on Feb 8, 2012 - 91 answers

When did the US begin making laws about marriage?

When did the US Government (State/Federal) begin making laws, and or giving benefits to married couples? [more inside]
posted by SteveFlamingo on Feb 7, 2012 - 15 answers

Love Me Tender, Love Me True (Love Me Back???)

I'm ridiculously attracted to my wife but her sex drive is an issue. And when we do have sex, the effort I put into the act isn't reciprocated, which to me is almost the biggest issue. We've talked about it but nothing's really changed. What next? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 6, 2012 - 45 answers

Porn Addiction, Return to Normalcy

How long with it take to return to "normal" after years of sexual dysfunction? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 4, 2012 - 7 answers

Go Together Like a Horse and a Glue Factory

Date filter: When do I tell my date that I'm in the middle of a divorce? Also, how should I go about telling? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 1, 2012 - 34 answers

Suggestions for wedding band shopping in San Diego

I'm getting married in San Diego in the middle of February. I will have a short span of time to acquire a wedding band in a city I know nothing about. Do you have an suggestions where I might find a non-jeweled, yellow-gold, vintage, possibly deco-period, wedding band?
posted by Foam Pants on Jan 30, 2012 - 6 answers

Can you recommend a good relationship counselor in the Bay Area?

Can you recommend a good relationship counselor in the Bay Area? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 29, 2012 - 3 answers

How horrible is it to be a 30-year-old virgin?

How horrible is it to be a 30-year-old virgin? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 24, 2012 - 46 answers

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