My wife Jane and I are in our 40s and have been together for eight years. We got along well for the first few years, but things have been steadily going south since then. In theory, we both want to improve our marriage, but we are not making much progress on our own. I could use some advice. [more inside]
My husband will be moving from where we live in the NYC area to Boston for work for a minimum of three to five years and I'll be staying here. I'm looking for suggestions on how to transition to a long distance relationship and then how to maintain it. Best practices, things that worked, things that didn't work, and any ideas for how to survive a difficult transition. [more inside]
My partner, who I love dearly, has Adult ADD, which means, among many symptoms, he gets "stuck" at work and has trouble transitioning out of work projects. If he is particularly engaged in work this means he does not come home until 10 p.m. or later. Sometimes he pulls all-nighters at the office. Spouses of ADD partners, how do you create your own routine in the midst of disarray? I don't want to assume he will fail -- i.e. not expect him home until after 11 p.m. -- but frequently that is what he does. It feels cold-hearted to assume I will be spending the evening alone, but if I am to make my own healthy habits, it seems I must make them solo. How do I create healthy habits in the midst of uncertainty? I want to encourage him to come home and spend time with me, but I'm aware that counting on him to be home and participate in shared activities sets me up to fail. Help me, hivemind (and any stories of thriving with an ADD spouse would be much, much appreciated!!). [more inside]
Do I tell a good friend that I've been avoiding him because my husband's jealous of the friendship? Gory details and backstory inside. [more inside]
My husband just told me that having an ambitious, driven wife is really important to him. I have worked like a dog all my life and now that my baby clock is ticking, I was looking forward to stopping and having children and focusing on a household. Is there any way to make us both happy? [more inside]
I’m in a stable and loving relationship that is approaching the deadline for commitment. I’ve had strong feelings for someone else for a long time, which I’ve managed to control, but have recently resurfaced with a vengeance, and are making me seriously question whether to commit. Help! [more inside]
My husband accidentally exposed our dog to raisins, and I just wish he'd take some responsibility for it. [more inside]
Please help me sort out my long-term thinking about my very good but maybe not perfect relationship? [more inside]
My dad is verbally abusive. My mother told me many times as a child that she want to divorce him but is staying for the kids. She said that when I grew up, she would leave my dad and come live with me forever. When I became an adult, I decided I don't want my mom living with me for the rest of my life. She is still with my dad, being verbally abused. Did I cause her to stay in her abusive marriage because I changed my mind? [more inside]
My marriage is in limbo and I need to stop giving it so much emotional energy. [more inside]
My moderate-drinker husband has twice in the last month drank to the point of repeatedly vomiting. These binges are out of character and deeply concerning. Should he see his doctor? What can I do? [more inside]
I married my husband almost a year ago. Prior to that we had been dating 6 months. I am 21. This person is my best friend who saved me from a very dark place in my life. He means a lot to me, and does so much for me. [more inside]
How do I deal with completely different ideals in a marriage? [more inside]
I'm a woman in my mid 40's, and my husband is in his early 50's. We've been married over 20 years, have 3 great kids and a relatively good life. But our sex life has taken a weird turn here lately (at least for me). [more inside]
Just one year old marriage and in crisis [more inside]
How do I settle a housework dispute between me and my partner? [more inside]
I've noticed that female performers tend to keep the surname they were born with, if they don't come up with a whole new artist name entirely. They hardly ever take their husband's name. Please help me find a decent list of exceptions. I am looking for answers in two categories: 1. Women who started as performers, then changed their last names when they got married. 2. Women who got married and took their husbands' last names, then embarked on successful performance careers. Bonus points for women from the above cases whose husbands aren't famous themselves. Important: I am not interested in cases where the actress creates a hyphenation of her maiden name and her husband's name, like Farrah Fawcett-Majors, Jada Pinkett Smith, or Pamela Anderson Lee. Unfortunately those are the only ones I can think of!
Should I move to the other side of the world? Snowflake situation inside, of course. [more inside]
If you were previously polyamorous and committed to a monogamous relationship: how did you do it? How did you deal with those feelings that monogamy just didn't felt quite right? Were you able to replace the need outside relationships fulfilled with something else? [more inside]
I've never been that little girl who dreams about her wedding day and I'm still not that girl 34 years later. I've also never had a desire for children. If I'm ever financially secure enough I'd love to adopt someday, but when it comes to having my own biological children my attitude has been thought- well if my husband really wants them then I'll have kids, but otherwise I'm not hankering for them. However now that I'm approaching 35 maybe this is something I really have to think about. I know how difficult it is for a lot of women to find spouses after age 40 so I guess if I ever want to find Mr. Right I have to start looking for him instead of just waiting it to happen on it's own. But everyone says that love happens when you're NOT looking for it. So what's better? Should I scope the subway and the streets and start striking up conversations with strangers who might be single? Or should I just let nature take it's course and see where destiny takes me?
I love my partner - we have known each other for over a decade and have been together for over five years. I am in my 30s and he wants to live together/get married and/or start a family. I have insisted we wait due to my graduate school (and later) career struggles. Now we are older and our time frame for children (if not settling down with children in mind later) is diminishing. I don't know the right thing to do - specifics inside... [more inside]
Finally giving in and looking for a therapist, while permanently living abroad... what 'cultural combination' should one look for? Don't want my current mental state to cloud my thinking. Details inside. [more inside]
My wonderful fiancé and I getting married this August. While I'm happy at the thought of "officially" starting a life together, we've been together more than eight years, and it doesn't feel like a huge deal any more. I'm also stressed about my career, which is occupying my mind most of the time. The actual wedding is being organized entirely by my parents, and neither of us are thrilled about what the ceremony's shaping up to be. What can I/we do to make the whole getting hitched thing more meaningful for us? [more inside]
My partner's 18 year old sister wants to marry her boyfriend of one year. They both live at home with their respective parents, are not planning to pursue post-secondary school, and are financially insecure (she does not work, he works part time). They have recently converted to a fundamentalist version of a new faith, and their plan is to rely on her disabled mother who would lose her benefits by caring for them - the mother is against this but of course loves her daughter. Their religious community is encouraging them (but not offering financial aid). What can we do to support her but not her decision? [more inside]
My wife and I used to go out fairly frequently - not partying but dinner, museum, movie, etc. Almost two years ago we had a child, whom we both adore. However, we have not been out since. We have had offers to watch the child so we could go out and she would not take any up on it. What can I say for my wife to accept a date with me? [more inside]
I'm getting married, and am considering what to do about changing my name. My finance and I both like the idea of changing my name, both for personal and practical reason -- we are both sort of traditional when it comes to things like this, both like the idea of both having the same name as our kids, our names sound awful hyphenated, etc. That said, I worry about this professionally. [more inside]
5 years ago, I married Mr. Librarypt. Then we moved. For our anniversary we want to go to the courthouse and get married in the state we're currently living in, Maryland. Is this legal in Maryland? I don't want to get fined or go to jail for trying to do a romantic thing. The google isn't helping me. Thanks!
I'd like to know which cases are in court, when, and where. [more inside]
My husband and I have been married for 5 years, together for 15. We both have our own issues (depression, ADD) and lately things have been very bad between us. Weekly fights with yelling and crying, instead of disagreements or discussion. He wants us to find a "coach" that will help us define and reach our goals, I don't know if just coaching will help us. [more inside]
I am getting married in Hawaii - that much is certain. It is going to be a small wedding (because of travel requirements). When I say small, I mean probably 10 and 20 would be the absolute most. [more inside]
I got asked about my marital and family status in a job interview. Now what? [more inside]
Out of nowhere it seems, I’m considering asking my wife for a divorce and I can’t figure out if its because I met someone else I feel I’d really like to get to know or because I’ve realized that we just aren’t meant to be. Or am I just being a douche for even considering throwing away what I’m confident almost anyone would agree is a marriage to a great woman? Sorry for the long story… My wife is a great person – of course – why would you marry someone you didn’t think this about? The list is huge – she’s smart, funny, empathetic, gets me, is very beautiful and will one day I know make a really wonderful mother. I know most would say all of this about their spouse, but even with rational eyes, the above is true. She has bad points too for sure, but no need to list those off as well. We’ve only been married about 18 months, but together for some time before this. [more inside]
A asks B for a divorce. B is not surprised. B agrees, even though B would prefer to stay in an unhappy marriage rather than be branded with a scarlet D*. A wants to move out ASAP. Generally speaking, how do the financial logistics of this work? No special snowflake details inside. [more inside]
I've been asked by a friend of mine who is a marriage officiant to translate his marriage ceremony speech into English, and I have a question about wording. In a secular marriage, can you say "joined together in matrimony", or do you have to say "joined together in marriage"? [more inside]
Never has been a blissful marriage but is it time to throw in the towel and move on? Twenty four years in the chute, one kid in college out of the house, the other living at home in high school. Especially caustic relationship since summer. No sex in months. She works all the time, I'm out of work. Growing further and further apart. But I will want to make it work yet she doesn't seem interested in putting in the effort. Emptiness in the pit of my stomach but I will do what I have to do. Interested in anyone's experiences in situations such as this. Is it worth fighting to keep things together? What about the kids? Is it better on the other side of relationships like this? I'm at a crossroads and need to figure this out. Thanks. [more inside]
Please help me think through a marriage that's hollowing out from the inside. Survival strategies needed. [more inside]
I'm struggling with choosing between a town I don't like, my marriage and starting a career as after graduating in April 2013. Where should I go from here? [more inside]
I'd like to learn a little bit more about what couples counselors, therapists, and psychologists have written about the stages that long-term relationships go through, what the issues and concerns are in the different stages, and what approaches are helpful in keeping the relationship strong at different stages. The articles I've been able to find on the web are pretty shallow, and seem to assume that the purpose of marriage is to have kids. I'd like to find something that is more appropriate to a couple who got married at 40+ so have already attained (presumably) a certain degree of wisdom, and for whom kids are not in the picture or in the cards. Authors that I have found helpful and intelligent in the past have been Gottman, Sue Johnson (Hold Me Tight), and the author of perennial AskMe favorite The Five Love Languages. I'm specifically interested in the 5-10 year stage, but welcome broader surveys as well.
I recently married the love of my life after dating for a year. He's a good man, really kind, wonderful to my kids and sweet to me. I don't want to screw it up but I'm also getting tired of being on my best behavior. [more inside]
How does one practice detachment in a codependent, anxiety-rich relationship? How can I be the husband my wife needs me to be whilst also getting what I need? [more inside]
Asking for a friend: I was approached by a friend today who was looking for a book to recommend to a friend of her's. The friend of a friend is going through a sudden and bewildering end to a marriage (her husband of many years packed his clothes while she was at the store and left). Obviously, she is in tremendous shock and plans to seek help from a counselor, but I'm wondering if anyone can recommend any books for her in the meantime. [more inside]
We're getting hitched! Yay! I freak out about money, and I freak out that my fiancé doesn't freak out about money as much as I freak out. Is there a good step-by-step guide you'd recommend that we can go through together to make sure we're covering all of our bases for saving for retirement, saving for other stuff, and paying down debt?
Hi, Guys Me and my boyfriend recently decided to get married and go from boyfriend status to a married status after a short engagement f 1 month. We know we love each other and that it is working. [more inside]
TL/DR: My BF (30) and I have been together a year and 1/2. Moved too fast for me, and him too in retrospect. Never got on my own feet after bad divorce and that feeling has endured the length of my current relationship. Close friend and 1000000 people on Meta suggest breaking up. But...I panic at that, too. [more inside]
Is it necessary in a marriage to apologize for innocent mistakes like dropping a laptop? [more inside]
I've been trying to recall a vaguely remembered joke that goes through different stages in a relationship and for each one has a different, relevant name for what you call an apartment. Something like, when you're just married it's a unit, later on it's something, then when things start to go south it's a flat, and when the marriage ends poorly it's an apartment (ha ha). Does anyone recognize this and know the full text of the joke?
A week ago today, my sweetheart and I got (gay) married in Utah! We're thrilled. We're going to see a lawyer familiar with gay rights issues that our friend recommended in the new year so we can draw up wills, etc. Here's the question: what is the etc? And any tips for input on wills? [more inside]
Four months after my husband went on Lexapro, I could see it in his face that he didn't love me anymore. At seven months, he asked to separate after four years of marriage. After finding this article online, I'm curious as to whether others have had similar experiences. Have you or your spouse experienced a decline in attachment/romantic love after starting an SSRI? [more inside]
I haven't been in an LTR in years. I'm in my early thirties, strongly introverted and don't have many friends, so its not a surprise that I haven't met "the one" yet. Everyone I know seems to be getting married and having babies, which has prompted me to wonder if I'd like to do the same. To be honest I'm not sure if it is worth the effort of dressing up, and going on lots of dates to find a guy, and then having to maintain a relationship (I'm not good with people) or whether I should accept that I am different to the others, and just focus on being happily single. For the singletons: did you ever consciously decide to stay single, or did it just happen? If you decided, how did you make that choice? For the coupled-up: Have you ever considered being single long-term, and if so why did you reject that idea? Did you consciously choose to find a partner or did you just meet them by accident (e.g. online dating vs meeting when you least expected it) Hope that all makes sense!
Married almost 3 years, together for over 4 years. My husband is a funny, arrogant genius, and when I first met him he was very kind to me. Right after we got married, things changed... [more inside]