The short version of how I got here – love my husband but fell in love with someone else. It’s not fair to him but I just don’t know how to say what I need to say. (Much) longer version inside. [more inside]
I urgently need to find a good therapist/counseller in the Mid Sussex region of the UK (ideally in the Haywards Heath area). More details after the break, however I need help dealing with some issues in my marriage, but I don't have a clue how to go about seeking this help. I would ask my GP, however she is on vacation for the next couple of weeks but I need to start getting some help sooner than that. [more inside]
Long-time couple finally getting married, and we think we might want a prenuptial agreement. What should we know about the practical aspects of creating and adhering to a premarital agreement? Same-sex couple in Massachusetts, more snowflakes inside. [more inside]
What's a good generic wedding gift for two older people? Details inside. [more inside]
The other day I had already had a bad day when my husband made an insensitive and crappy remark about something. I replied with tears in my eyes and said that he really had no idea about [subject]. Husband ignored that and then 5 minutes later cheerfully asked if I wanted to watch tv. I said no. He was surprised that I was "still mad" and we tried to talk about it, but I shut down because I felt vulnerable and remembered past talkings where I always felt like "too sensitive" and nothing would change anyway. This time, my husband apparently also thought the same because he said "Well, if you're unhappy, maybe you don't want to continue this relationship, because I'm not going to change". [more inside]
My boyfriend has a progressively disabling illness -- a form of muscular dystrophy. He will lose the ability to walk and easily get out of bed, etc., in about 10-15 years. We've been together for five very happy years, but that said, we are young (early 20s) and don't have many responsibilities other than school. My friends really like him, and so does my family. We've been very open with one another and have great communication. However, my parents are adamant that I find somebody else due to his illness. They won't force me to break up with my boyfriend, because they know he's a fantastic person, but will continuously express discontent when I hang out with him. [more inside]
A friend of mine refuses to address his anxiety issues. I don't want to lose him as a friend, but also don't know how much more I can take. Please help. [more inside]
My husband and I have been together for 9 years, married for the last 3. We met when I was 19, and him 21. Recently I have been feeling like I might want out. I still love him, but I am not sure that he is going to change in ways which I would prefer him to. Should I tell him I want to separate or wait to see if things get better? [more inside]
How do most married, dual-income couples deal with health insurance? Should I drop mine and go on his plan? I am recently married. My husband and I are both healthy and have private sector jobs that are reasonably secure. I work for a small (less than 20 employees) company that has so-so health insurance. Husband works for a larger (500 employee) company that has awesome health insurance. Adding me to his health plan would cost about the same as what I pay for my health plan now. I'm planning on joining his health plan, but open enrollment time is coming up at my job, and I'm wondering if I should keep my insurance or drop it. I can afford the premium, but I don't want to be wasting money where I don't need to. Is it good to be double-insured just in case he loses his job? We have no kids, but are planning on them in the next few years.
I am married and recently realized I had developed romantic feelings for a friend/coworker (also married). I have stopped speaking to him for the sake of my marriage. He really wants to know why I am avoiding him. What's the best way to handle this without making him feel bad? [more inside]
After 2 years of marriage my wife (age 33) still doesn't want to have children while I (age 35) desperately want ones. Before marriage we have discussed it and she said that she would like to wait "for about a year" before trying for a baby. I agreed. Now she is saying that she isn't ready yet, and won't be ready for another 2 years. I thought that we have an agreement, but I was mistaken. Is it at all possible that she will change her mind, or postponing children for more years is just a stalling tactic on her behalf? [more inside]
I've been in a relationship for 3 years, waiting on a proposal. I don't know if it will materialize. Lately I've been fantasizing about an ex-boyfriend who I made a marriage pact with. [more inside]
I have a close male friend and our closeness bothers my husband, which bothers me because I care about how he feels. Happy couples, what are things you think are okay and not okay for your spouse to do with someone else? [more inside]
I grew up in a lower-middle-class family. Through a combination of hard work, opportunity and luck, I find myself in my 30's with a very decent net worth. It's enough to allow me to feel very secure about retirement, job/career changes, health issues, supporting family, etc. and this security is probably the most important aspect of money to me. For me, money means security, safety, freedom. I maintain a very middle-class lifestyle, continue to work full-time and save at a reasonable rate. I've started to realize how much this factors into my thinking about long term relationships, especially marriage (and its attendant family joining) and financial co-mingling, and am looking for some perspectives on positive ways of managing these kinds of issues. [more inside]
I have no idea how to address my in-laws. Please help. [more inside]
Bachelor party, challenge level: wholesome time, tiny Midwestern town, Thursday night, 7 people total, best man (me) arriving in town a few hours before. [more inside]
For reasons of being an international same-sex couple, we want to be as married as we possibly can get. For the same reasons, the legal status of our relationship is giving us a headache. What we are currently trying to figure out is, if we have a California certificate of registered domestic partnership but want to get a Massachusetts marriage license, do we have to get domestic-divorced before we can get Massachusetts-married? [more inside]
My husband drinks too much, and I just attended my first Al-Anon meeting. I have some questions about it. [more inside]
Help us urgently decide what to give our officiant as a thank-you. [more inside]
Over the past 5 months I've posted three questions here on how to get over my ex. I've tried all the advice people have given on here and it has helped. Recently I thought I was almost over things and in a good enough place to work on being genuinely friends. Then she tells me she just got married. I don't know if I'm more shocked that she got married to someone in less than 5 months or just that she's just married. Either way, she doesn't want to communicate anymore, which I can respect. So is the reason I'm feeling down is because I feel rejected again? I know this should conclude things for me but I still think about it and I know I shouldn't. Why can't I just leave it and move on?
What are the things that you did during a conjugal crises that helped you? [more inside]
My wife and I are having a lot of problems in our marriage, have been for quite some time. Infidelity on both sides. Unresolved childhood trauma. Lack of trust and honesty from both parties. We have a wonderful life and two amazing children and are best friends, have been since high school. We're both starting therapy (separately) and then maybe marriage counseling. And I suppose this is one of those things that I can expect or hope to work out in therapy? But right now, how do I know if I should stay in my marriage? What signs did you have that your marriage was over or was salvageable?
We'll be getting married this summer. My fiance and I are very excited about this. I have some background in financial planning, and she's very savvy financially herself. I have always understood that's a good idea to have a pre-nuptual agreement to cover division of assets, care of possible future children, and so on. This is just to cover our bases ahead of time. A lawyer we just called told us not to bother with it at all, and that pre-nuptual agreements are useless in Ontario, Canada. Is this true? [more inside]
Help us help our friend marry us! [more inside]
The (unromantic) case for marriage. [more inside]
So an exec at my company walks into my office, looks at my pictures of my wife and kids and says, "You really overpunted your coverage there." I understand the (U.S.) football metaphor of punting past your coverage (i.e. giving the returner too much room to get a run started) ... but what is that metaphor supposed to mean here? That my birth control failed? That I married "out of my league" (ugh)? I couldn't figure it out, nor did I want to ask "what the hell does that mean?"
My wife and I separated six months ago. Now, after marriage and individual counselling, it looks like we might be ready to give things another shot. How do we go about re-integrating our lives whilst there are still small alarm bells ringing? [more inside]
It's another wedding question.. I'm getting married on April 26th (yay) and I'm looking for a good first dance song that reflects our history as a couple. We were best friends for about 6 years before we started seriously dating and I'd love to dance to a song that reflects that. My fiance mentioned Can't Fight this Feeling by REO Speedwagon but I was looking for other suggestions. Any type of music is okay except country because we aren't big country fans. Thanks!
My fiancé and I have decided to elope. We want to get married on April Fool's day (aka Monday), as we're fools in love. We have a marriage license. What we don't have is an officiant. [more inside]
Around the time that the Supreme Court decided Loving v. Virginia, did any churches lose their tax exempt status either due to (A) political activities related to the fight over interracial marriage or (B) due to the refusal to conduct such marriages for its members? [more inside]
Can anyone explain the politics behind the marriage tax penalty? [more inside]
I'm a 34-year-old man, married for six months to my 33-year-old wife. Everything is perfect right now, but I realize that things can change. Life happens. Obviously, I want it to stay as happy as possible for as long as we're together. So what I'd like are tips on how to maintain it from the female point of view. If you have a number of years of successful marriage under your belt, what has your husband done right all this time? [more inside]
I've been married for a few more than 10 years. For most of that time, I did not really listen to my wife or honor her goals and desires for our life together. Starting in 2012, I have made a change in my attitude and actions, and we are communicating and making significant progress in our relationship. If it were just making the current state of affairs good, I think we're on a good track and we'd be ok. My question is: How do I make up for the previous ~10 years? If you want to email: firstname.lastname@example.org. Thanks in advance for any advice, here or via email. [more inside]
My husband and I (a woman) have been together about 15 years now. I have become more self-reflective over time; I know myself better, I am less likely to react impulsively, etc. My husband seems stuck in the same place he was when he was 25 years old. I am feeling us growing apart and it is stressing me out; I want to understand why he doesn't seem to be growing any further, and whether there's anything I can or should do. [more inside]
Someone I know is dating his aunt's(dad's sister) grand daughter. Age difference 6 years. And spoke to me about this, I mentioned I am not sure about the custom. They both have higher education, have good job and decent family people. What would their relationship be second cousin once removed? Is it socially/religiously accepatable if they end up in altar, have kids etc?
Resources, books, tips, anecdotes for a man dealing with a wife that doesn't seem to have an inherent sex drive? [more inside]
I don't think I want kids and that scares me. [more inside]
So, I'm trying to get some opinions here: My fiance and I have been engaged for 4 months and are in our mid-20s. We are both in school (undergrad for him, grad for me), but due to my income, we wanted to wait one more year, so that it would be financially better for us (e.g., paying tuition, etc). We are both interested in having children, however, something has come up for me health-wise (ulcerative colitis) that would make it less safe (because of medications) to have a baby later on, compared with now. Here are my questions for you: 1) Would you have a baby before marriage? What would be the reasons? 2) Has anyone actively planned this before? How did it work out? I know some would say suck it up and push up the wedding, but it would save us a good 20K or so.
We want to get married, but need to do it much quicker than expected for visa/insurance reasons. How to handle it (snowflakes within)? [more inside]
My fiancee asked me when I would add her name to the house, which I purchased by myself before meeting her. How to best handle this situation? [more inside]
Dear Vulcan Homeworld, I want to learn how to converse better with my wife. Currently my overly-logical thought and speech patterns upset her, frequently in ways I'm unable even to predict. She deserves better. I've struggled on my own to come up with dozens of different approaches, all of which have ultimately failed in different ways, so I come to you for help. [more inside]
My SO and I are in a delicate and precarious financial & marital state and from my perspective he's actively fucking things up for us all. What can I do to get us on the right track? [more inside]
I have major depression, and I am receiving treatment. However, I am still not master of my own mood, and now I would like some specific tips, pointers and ideas on how to stop myself from harassing my poor husband about imaginary problems. [more inside]
How many successful Film Directors are happily married...to their first wife (or husband)? Answers may be given as an estimated percentage if that's easier. [more inside]
Spouse and I calmly decided it's over. Help me prepare. [more inside]
My boyfriend treats me wonderfully, like I'm the most important thing on the planet. Now, we are taking our first steps down a very quick path towards Full Lifetime Committment: moving-in, with the understanding that marriage and kids will follow shortly. (Why the speed? I'm 37 with some history of ladytroubles that require maximum time to try and get pregnant.) I was feeling very ready for all this 2-3 months ago, but now am having doubts. Help! Are these standard cold feet, or do you spot any red flags here? [more inside]
My partner and I are looking into buying a house Do we need to get married in order to have protections relating to said house (including inheritance of the house if one of us dies + the ability to sell the house and divide the money if we break up)? [more inside]
My wife and I separated a few months ago (which was my choice, not hers) and it seems that many of the things that I left over may have been addressed, but I still feel cagey about it all. How do I square this circle in my head and in my heart? Blizzard inside. [more inside]
We've decided to get married. Yay! I am the female half of a straight couple, if that matters. In the near future, we want to go to our local (US) courthouse and have a civil ceremony with just a judge and our immediate families present: his parents, my parents, his sibling+partner, my sibling+partner+child. Later this year, we'll throw an informal party and invite our extended circles to that as a larger celebration/reception. Our immediate families are supportive of this plan and just want us to be happy, but I have already gotten some pushback from friends and it gave me pause. So I guess I have questions about the practicality and etiquette of our plan and... whatever else we haven't thought about. Neither of us has been married before. [more inside]
My [possibly workaholic] wife works seven days a week as a ski instructor. I live and work two hours away during the week, and then I drive up to see her on the weekends. When I'm there on the weekends, I spend an average of four hours a week with her. Usually she is physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted from working so much. Needless to say, it does not feel like she is there for me. When I tell her I would like to spend more time with her, she tells me I'm too needy and dependent on her. I would like her to take off a Saturday or Sunday every week so we can spend time together. Is that asking for too much? What other requests/things can I do to make life more manageable? Thanks for your help. P.S. You get bonus points if you have worked in the ski industry and can explain how difficult it is to ask for weekends off! :-)