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Marriage on the rocks, but the rest of my life is a disaster too

My marriage is in bad shape and I feel a lot of anger and resentment toward my husband for his lack of initiative, follow-through, and logistical/emotional support within our household, especially during times of crisis. But right now I feel like I'm dealing with the mother of all crises, and on a practical level it would be folly to leave for at least a year, nor will I be in a position to focus on giving him one last honest shot at fixing things for months. What tools/attitudes/approaches can I adopt or employ to keep from making things worse and even more unsalveagable over the next few months? [more inside]
posted by SomeTrickPony on Feb 8, 2013 - 17 answers

I'm 36 and immature in love. How can I get some grown up perspective?

I am happily married but have fallen in love with someone else. I think the intensity of my feelings for this other man is due to the fact that I’ve only ever been in one relationship before; I think I am experiencing this the way a teenager would. How do I get over this ‘in love’ feeling? [more inside]
posted by Lollie1974 on Feb 8, 2013 - 14 answers

What to do about an unwanted critter living in our house?

About three years ago, my wife was visiting her mother when they discovered a cute puppy running around on the property. The mother took the puppy home and there was great rejoicing. Flash forward one year. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 7, 2013 - 45 answers

Accidental polyamory: is this how it's supposed to work?

Should I be worried about the direction my casual relationship with a married guy is heading in? If so, how do I tactfully deal with it? [more inside]
posted by houndsoflove on Feb 4, 2013 - 36 answers

They told me the first year of marriage would be a tricky one...

This is a question for those of you who are married (or have an SO): When it comes to things like personal correspondence, is there still such a thing as privacy? [more inside]
posted by Telpethoron on Feb 2, 2013 - 65 answers

Whats it really like, an adult relationship... minus the fantasy?

Because I am prone to bouts of idealization and sometimes don't have my feet rooted in reality, I want to hear from those who are happily married or in a committed relationship with someone with whom they plan to build a life with. I have *not one* real life example of a healthy functioning adult relationship, and although I have periods of loneliness, I can't imagine living like any of the people around me do. Are all relationships just people fitting into each others dysfunctions? Are there real ones out there that work, or is that the fantasy ideal that we all chase after and never achieve? [more inside]
posted by tenaciousmoon on Feb 2, 2013 - 18 answers

Talk to me about being married, but choosing to live apart.

Talk to me about being married, but choosing to live apart. It sounds... awesome, for so many reasons. And I have heard that people do this. But I don't know any real people who have done it. If you or someone you know has this type of relationship, i'd like to know more about your experience. Examples of the type of stuff I want to know is: [more inside]
posted by windykites on Feb 2, 2013 - 10 answers

Need Boston area marriage counseling

Hello. The other Boston area marriage counseling posts are several years old. I hope metafilter can help me find a good marriage counselor. My husband and have been together for 17 years, married for four years. He is at his wits end dealing with my depression (which I'm currently in treatment for). We need to talk to someone soon. Please give me some recommendations of good couples counselors.
posted by anonymous on Feb 1, 2013 - 5 answers

How should I talk to my boyfriend about me being unhappy with him?

We've been together almost 2 years and at first I thought he was almost a perfect match for me. We got along, he made me so happy, he's so sweet, makes me laugh, and considerate. I know that every relationships get into the comfortable phase but lately I feel like he has taken me for granted and has gotten way too comfortable to the point I'm starting to lose interest in our relationship. I no longer look forward to seeing him and want to be alone, say I love you, kiss, or anything. [more inside]
posted by Asian_Hunnie on Jan 30, 2013 - 50 answers

A wedding with no officiant and no wedding party. Am I insane?

I'm getting married this summer, in a small, casual, non-religious wedding. We're not planning to have a wedding party, and haven't been able to come up with any good ideas for an officiant, so we're probably going to try to do without one of those as well. Have you done something similar? How will the logistics work out here? [more inside]
posted by duien on Jan 28, 2013 - 42 answers

Why isn't my husband interested in what I do?

I'm a writer married to a jazz musician. I always hoped I'd end up in this sort of arty, creative marriage. But there's a problem that is becoming overwhelming. In spite of fully expecting me to experience and support his art, my husband never, ever, reads anything I write. Not a two-page story or a blog post much less anything longer. He says he feels awful about never getting around to it (and I've made it clear it's fine if he hates it—I just want him to be willing to check it out) and he seems to be sincere... But he still doesn't read it. It really hurts me. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 26, 2013 - 91 answers

Is it still your business even though I left?

I split up with my wife a couple of months ago, and have been doing really well since then. Recently I've been feeling a little bit like she's been stalking me on social media, and today I've woken up to messages asking me why I'm in contact with someone from my past. How do I handle this? (I've tried to anonymise this as best I can) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 24, 2013 - 45 answers

Sex for dummies

Should I try to fix our sex life? If so, where do I start? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 23, 2013 - 13 answers

How to deal with feelings of inadequacy?

I'll be blunt: I think I married a man who is too good for me. I'm having trouble dealing with my feelings of low self-worth and am tormented by insecurity. It's like the relationship version of Imposter Syndrome. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 21, 2013 - 27 answers

Nice places to get married somewhere in or around Seattle...

Where are nice places to get married somewhere in or around Seattle? For the place, what is the general cost? If the specifics help provide a better answer, we're trying for a late-summer, weekend ceremony and reception. Probably 55-65 people. [more inside]
posted by Blazecock Pileon on Jan 20, 2013 - 18 answers

Does anyone make it back from the brink?

Have you been in a marriage or LTR where you were on the brink of breaking up but then you didn't? If so, how did that work? [more inside]
posted by dawkins_7 on Jan 15, 2013 - 10 answers

Is it appropriate to get married for the third time?

Can I do an Angelina Jolie and get married for a third time while still maintaining my integrity? Please help me with your opinion. [more inside]
posted by Youremyworld on Jan 13, 2013 - 38 answers

My husband is cheating on me. Now what?

I just found out. Should I confront him? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 11, 2013 - 49 answers

How do I deal with the aftermath of this weird lie?

My husband lied to me in a multi-part, well crafted way, about something stupid. I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable, and I don't know where to go from here. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 11, 2013 - 48 answers

Why does my husband's baptism status matter to his ex-wife's current marriage?

My husband was married briefly and divorced over 20 years ago. Since then, his ex-wife has remarried, divorced again and recently remarried. My husband and his ex wife have had no contact since before the divorce. She has just (out of the blue) asked if my husband was baptized (he was not). She said she would need him to fill out some paperwork acknowledging that he hasn't been baptized so her new marriage is recognized in the Catholic church. Can someone explain what my husband's baptismal status has to do with her current marriage being recognized? They are divorced, there was one child born from their marriage. Could she be trying to have their marriage annulled?? [more inside]
posted by getyourlife on Jan 1, 2013 - 18 answers

My boyfriends borderline ex-wife is making me borderline crazy!

How should I address the fact that my boyfriend's unstable ex-wife continues to inappropriately contact him and his family? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 27, 2012 - 22 answers

What is intimacy?

How does emotional intimacy work in your marriage/LTR? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 24, 2012 - 18 answers

Can my wife sue me for infidelity (and what does that even mean?)

Can my wife sue me for infidelity (and what does that even mean?) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 23, 2012 - 11 answers

I'm sorry I don't feel pain the way you think I should, but...

A couple of weeks ago, I moved out of my marital home (details in my posting history). Whilst I seem to be doing okay, most people expect me to not be. In fact, they seem to expect a fragility and sadness from me that I'm not feeling even remotely. This has lead to some judgements from people that I could have done without. How can I navigate the sympathy of folks during the holiday season without having to pretend to be an emotional mess (which I'm not) and without suffering judgement from people who don't know the whole story (Which I can happily live without). [more inside]
posted by six sided sock on Dec 22, 2012 - 27 answers

How young is too young to get engaged?

What are some good SECULAR reads (books or websites are both great) on getting engaged, marriage, etc.? Particularly for those who are not engaged but would like to get engaged in the (maybe not-so-distant) future. Also, some relationship-specific questions inside. Primarily, when's a good time to get engaged? [more inside]
posted by BenS on Dec 18, 2012 - 30 answers

Help me come up with “exciting” and “pleasant” experiences for us to do together as a couple.

Help me come up with “exciting” and “pleasant” experiences for us to do together as a couple. [more inside]
posted by booksandwine on Dec 14, 2012 - 22 answers

How to navigate cross cultural family dynamics?

I'm having difficulty navigating very different cross-cultural (U.S./El Salvador) family dynamics. Can you please offer me books, links or your own best practices on keeping an international marriage strong? [more inside]
posted by Coffee Bean on Dec 14, 2012 - 8 answers

To reproduce, or GTFO, that is the question.

Can someone help explain my boyfriend to me? Special snowflake, yadda yadda, you are not my (or his!) therapist, etc. [more inside]
posted by domo on Dec 13, 2012 - 55 answers

Ideas for Traditions

What are some non-religious family (winter?) traditions that don't have to involve children? [more inside]
posted by charmcityblues on Dec 12, 2012 - 21 answers

Where do I stand after my feeble attempt at a marriage proposal?

I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to marry me and he said 'why not'. Now what? [more inside]
posted by TMBelair on Dec 11, 2012 - 50 answers

Help me make a Christmas Picnic

We're moving the week before Christmas. Soooo let's have a Christmas Eve picnic! Suggestions for food and decor? [more inside]
posted by spunweb on Dec 9, 2012 - 12 answers

Christmas Proposal Ideas?

Little help with Christmas proposal ideas? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 8, 2012 - 13 answers

To cohabit or to marry...or not...

For people who were/are in a long-term relationship, what were your reasons for cohabiting or choosing that over marriage? Was the former a path leading to the latter? Or were the two independent choices and you picked one over the other- and why? If you chose one over the other, did things turn out the way you expected or otherwise? Basically, I am interested in knowing why people who cohabit actively choose that, over marriage, if thats also an option. Did the results corroborate the premise?
posted by xm on Dec 6, 2012 - 60 answers

If I go there will be trouble, and if I stay it will be double

My wife of many years, and mother of my two children, is having (perfectly understandable, given the context) mental health issues that are making my life miserable. I want to handle this as lovingly as possible, in a way that will best protect my kids – please help me weigh my unpleasant options! [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 4, 2012 - 39 answers

Help me get to January

Marriage fizzling; need your best holiday coping methods to get through the rest of the year. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 4, 2012 - 12 answers

Remind me to text "I love you."

The "jazz up my marriage" app -- what's it called and where do I get it? [more inside]
posted by spunweb on Nov 30, 2012 - 4 answers

Why should the fire die?

What do you do when the sexual fire's gone? How do you get it back? [more inside]
posted by missingthefire on Nov 26, 2012 - 51 answers

He ain't heavy, he's my soulmate

I'm the one who works and he is financially dependent on me. How can I make him never, ever feel like a burden? [more inside]
posted by dean winchester on Nov 23, 2012 - 25 answers

Selfish or selfless? I can't tell.

I'm ready to leave my unhappy, borderline-abusive, caretaker-y marriage (details in a series of posts, most recently here). Do I just wait until I've got all my ducks in a row and then go, or should I be kinder, and give my spouse some kind of notice period. [more inside]
posted by six sided sock on Nov 23, 2012 - 69 answers

Dealing with someone who is "always right"

I think I've made a huge mistake. I'm newly married - only 3 months, but my husband is showing me facets of his personality that do not sit well with me. He seems to have anger issues. Nothing physical, but I need help making sense of it all, and I can't talk to him without him getting extremely defensive. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 21, 2012 - 83 answers

how to initiate a separation?

i'm unhappy in my marriage but my wife is very dependent on me. how do i do this? [more inside]
posted by saraswati on Nov 12, 2012 - 22 answers

Yuletide Traditions for the Newly Married

Help a couple of newlyweds start their own Christmas traditions. [more inside]
posted by asnider on Nov 12, 2012 - 31 answers

Marriage on your permanent record

Does a previous marriage show up on a background check? [more inside]
posted by fugitivefromchaingang on Nov 12, 2012 - 14 answers

Convincing my traditional parents that marrying my boyfriend (as opposed to an arranged marriage) is not a "sin". Tried for many years; can you help me try more?

Convincing my traditional parents that marrying my boyfriend (as opposed to an arranged marriage) is not a "sin". Tried for many years; can you help me try more? I will start with a little bit of my background. Please bear with me for the verbose description. [more inside]
posted by alady on Nov 10, 2012 - 41 answers

"No gifts please"

Does "No gifts please" on a wedding invitation really mean No Gifts? [more inside]
posted by otherwordlyglow on Nov 8, 2012 - 52 answers

How do I prioritize between emergency savings, retirement, and student loan payments in a new marriage?

Newly married, and trying to figure out emergency savings vs. retirement vs. paying off debt vs. saving for a family. Please help me prioritize. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 7, 2012 - 22 answers

How to cope with sleep-sex fantasy gone wrong?

A few months ago during pillow talk, I gave my husband permission to have sex with me while I was asleep. Last night he did it, and I felt far more violated than I expected. How should I deal with these feelings of resentment and regret, given that I gave him prior consent? (Possible TW.) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 6, 2012 - 23 answers

Stuck on the cusp; how to step over?

You decided to leave your marriage, which has had good times but also so many bad ones. You finally came to the point where you realised you had to get out; how did you go from realising it to actually doing it, despite the inertia of being with someone whom you still loved (just not enough to overcome all the negatives in the marriage any more)? [more inside]
posted by six sided sock on Nov 5, 2012 - 33 answers

I am so stuck. The time has come to end my marriage and I can't get the words out.

I feel like I am experiencing sleep paralysis--I know I want to wake up but I just can't move. I've had no shortage of difficult life challenges over the years. Leaving a drug-addled, abusive family behind, holding dying loved ones, quitting cigarettes, I've ended LTRs in the past (and had them ended by partners too). I am not an over-thinker or an indecisive person and this feels so weird. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 2, 2012 - 5 answers

Eternally unhappy parents with a stagnant and unhealthy marriage--I am in the middle. How to deal?

Please help me deal with my parents ever-strained and unhappy marriage, my fathers refusal to seek marriage counseling, my mother's emotional affair, and my grandparents horrible influence. This has been happening forever--now that I'm 20, my parents are divulging more and more. It's too hard to deal with. Any suggestions welcome. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 31, 2012 - 24 answers

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